02x01 - Untitled Templeton Project

[bunniefuu]

-Hold all my ca-- Whoa!
-[laughing]

♪ Boss Baby! ♪

♪ I'm the boss, dial in to the meeting ♪

♪ Everybody here?
Please find your seating ♪

♪ While you teething
I'm sinking my teeth in ♪

♪ First one to show
So I can do all my greeting ♪

♪ Profits, payrolls, and pacifiers ♪

♪ I make friends!
I love you, you're hired! ♪

♪ So come on
And raise your juice boxes skyward! ♪

♪ Boss babies until we retire! ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ Tell 'em who this is ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ Can a baby get a witness? ♪

♪ Grab a high chair ♪

♪ This the family business
Boss baby ♪

[fussing]

Just-- Legs in and relax your back.
How do you even bend like that?

-[screaming]
-Honey! Baby! Muffin!

Three pet names in a row,
Mommy's losing it!

Let her get some fresh air, kid,
it's been two weeks.

-[JJ squeals]
-What are you seeing?

Nothing, sorry! I'm just...
New company, first mission!

Gotta stay focused, JJ.

On how we'll remember this day
for the rest of our lives!

-[both squeal]
-Okay! Okay! We will stay in!

No, she's trying to power through it!

Dez, have you made contact
with Fussy Baby?

[Dez] Still waiting for an opportunity.
But may I indulge in a personal aside?

Go for it.

[Dez] I am, excuse me,
very excited about all this.

-I know, me too!
-[both squeal]

Hey! We are in the middle
of a tantrum-throwing hostage situation!

Are you both as giddy as I am?

[all squealing]

What kept you?

Brainstorming names for the new company
with Tabitha and Bad Idea Baby.

I told you, "Heartdazzle Into
Happiness Inc." HI-HI! Done.

Great! I'm gonna carve the name
into our first mission celebration cake.

We are not calling the company "HI-HI."

We should be calling it
"National United Baby Resources Group,"

but apparently,
my co-CEO hates thinking big.

Who wants to work for "Nubrg"?

[Dez] Heads up,
Mommy's back on her phone and scrolling.

No, stay off social media!

It's a false reality to make you feel bad

so you'll purchase things
and vote against your own interests!

Update. She's not just scrolling,
she's posting!

She's taking her baby frustrations public!

-What?
-No!

What's she writing?

[Dez] I can't make it out,

but I see a lot of exclamation points
and screaming emojis.

She's gonna lob a mommy-blog Molotov
all over Baby Love,

on our company's first mission!

Dez, we have to open negotiations
with that fussy baby!

-I think I can get them separated, but--
-Then do it!

[fussing]

[Dez] I am secretly alive, and every dream
you've had about me is real.

[screams]

Lovey, sweetie? Mommy's gonna let you play
while she locks herself in the bathroom

and screams into the hand towels
for a few minutes, okay?

-[baby crying]
-[door slams]

[muffled screaming]

[Dez] Fussy's free to talk, but he's not
gonna wanna negotiate with me.

Gonna be a real shriek-show in there.

Simmons threw together
some tantrum-defusing suits.

[upbeat music playing]

-What? What?
-What?

-No. What?
-What?

-Luxes.
-What are you doing here?

Don't change your location or outfits
before we make this call.

[Hilde] Look and say hello Nannycam
No-Filter CEO Baby!

Yo, we got bunnies! Adorable.

[chuckles] Yeah, great to see you,
but we're actually on a mission right now.

Did you two start your own
Baby Love company? That's so cute!

-It's called "Heartdazzle Into--
-No, it's not.

[baby wails]

If that one's your client,
you mind getting on it?

My new and improved field team--

-Hi.
-Hello. Us.

They're working a five-percenter
birthday party next door.

We don't wanna harsh the vibes.

There's so much Baby Love we're actually
required to have doctors standing by.

Anyway, no hard feelings for ruining
my retirement from Baby Corp!

You're replaceable and
I've forgotten you exist. Bye, bunnies!

Good luck with your shouty trash baby!

Fussy's mom still occupied?

[Dez] In the bathroom, typing.
Sounds like you better hurry.

-Go send for the big g*n, we're coming in.
-[Dez] Deploying now, sir.

[window shatters]

Since when does he--?

[Dez] Italian marble,
German-engineered propulsion system!

-[wails, then gasps]
-[door opens]

Easy, Fussy. We're just two happy bunnies,
here to help.

But you gotta help us out too.

You've had Mommy cooped up for two weeks.

What's it gonna take for you
to let her see daylight again?

[babbles]

Stuffed plushy and a warm bottle.

See how easy it is for all of us
to get everything we want?

-[doorbell chimes]
-[mom] Human contact! I'm coming!

[Boss Baby]
Big g*n's here. You did real good, kid.

Hello, ma'am.
Professional babysitter. At your service.

Are you real?
Don't answer that, I'm desperate!

-[wails]
-He needs me.

No, ma'am. Please. I can handle him.

Ma'am. Trust the professionals.

You guys got a vacuum
or a large fish tank filter?

-White noise might soothe him.
-I'll try anything.

Hey, bub, we had a deal!

[babbles]

Yes, I did say it was easy
to get everything we want,

but that wasn't an invitation to gouge us!

[babbles]

Where would we even get a kiddie pool
full of applesauce?

[fussing]

Get him what he wants! Kid's playing
us like a public golf course.

Hang on. See how happy
he looks with his grandpa?

Tabitha, you're worth every nickel

of your masterfully negotiated
compensation package.

Cammy, tune up.

[Dez] She's typing.
Gonna be posting that rant any second.

Grandpa ETA?

Give me a break! He's a couple towns away.
But I put a rush on it.

[helicopter whirring]

[Dez] I feel one-upped.

-[Fussy wailing]
-Where's my little tooting bean?

Dad? How did you...? Who cares how.

Can you watch the baby?

I gotta get a manicure, massage,
haircut, groceries, jog, try on a dress,

put it on hold
to have brunch with friends,

then remember the dress,
go back and try it on

and realize I never liked it
to begin with! I love you!

[babies cheering]

Take a bow!

-All right!
-[Simmons] Whoa!

Let the baby world know,

Grinnygums Smileforce
is open for business!

If you're gonna sh**t down HI-HI,

I gotta use one of my million
great backup company names!

We need a name that shows we may be small,
but we're tenacious,

digging in deep until we hit the jackpot.

And that's why we call ourselves
"Mosquitoswarm, LLC."

No.

This calls for cupcakes!

Yes, it does!

Only question is, double sprinkles?
Or double double?

-[Amal] Tina...
-Later, Amal.

-I'm ordering cupcakes.
-[Amal] No, you're not.

We can't afford cupcakes.

Actually, we can't even afford
to be having this conversation.

We're broke.

Broke? How?

That one mission completely wiped out
our entire operating budget.

Flying marble bust?
Tantrum-defusing bunny suits?

Grandpa helped himself to the snacks
on that helicopter.

That's where they get you.

No, you're reading it wrong.

We just earned Baby Love.

But we still need money to operate.

Money? Ha! Who cares about money?

[gasps] You stop talking right now.

This business is about important stuff,
not money!

You are invoking forces
you cannot possibly comprehend!

It's nonsense.
A thing mommies and daddies talk about

about when they wanna be sad or angry.
Money is dumb.

Dolla-billa-mammon!

Wha...?

You wanna know what money is?
It's possibility!

Because that's what money buys you.

See Bob over there?
Bob makes hats. That's his job!

And when he sells them,
what do you think he gets?

-[Tina] A shower of gross paper?
-[Boss Baby] Possibility!

Look at Bob go!

He's turning that money into a new bike!
Or Thai takeout!

Or a neon sign with a shark saying,
"Where's the party, dudes?"

[chomping]

-[laughs] Thanks, money.
-Wait!

So Bob has to work his hat-making butt off

just so some bozo can decide,
"You get this many pieces of paper, Bob"?

And some other clown gets to decide
how many papers it takes

to trade for a neon shark or food?

Yeah, you get it!

-Dumb.
-[Tim] Uh, kids?

You got visitors.

"Reclaiming property for lack of payment."
They can do that? [yelps]

Hey! You can't take Dez!

[Dez] It's okay. I already changed
into something more affordable.

Convinced yet?

Mommy! Daddy! Our company has no money,
so we need you to give us a bunch!

Sorry, baby. Can't help you.

It breaks my number-one rule:

Don't mix money with family,
unless you're prepared to lose both.

-This is different.
-You know your Uncle Javi?

No.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Need I remind you, we are already
providing lodging and workspace for--

[Katja] You need more pudding cups.

Now I have to eat the good ice cream
you hide in the back of the freezer.

[Tim] Not the little carton!

No! Kids get the store-brand value tub.
You're too small to know the difference!

Is she wearing my slippers?

We don't need much,
just some seed money for launch.

A million or two, three at most.

Well, sorry to tell you girls,
but your parents are cheapskates.

Simmons! How are the new monitors?

I stitched this together from some old
electronics I found under the stairs.

[man] But I am not your brother.

I am undercover police but also
the ghost of your former boyfriend.

You are under arrest.
And I still love you!

I know!

How can Didier still love her

after she pushed him into that sinkhole
at their wedding?

Sorry. Sometimes it gets interference
from an Ivorian soap opera.

Let me know if Moussa went through
with the brain transplant.

Thank you, Simmons!
And if I know soap operas, he will.

[gasps]

All right, let's get some money.

What? How? You said it was super hard!

Only because
I didn't wanna make this call.

Benny? I need transport for two.

[enchanting music playing]

Welcome to the first and only baby bank!

Converting love into dollars
for who knows how many generations.

Wow. Why is it underwater?

What did you think
"offshore banking" meant?

-[train whistle blows]
-Oh!

Is that a choo-choo? Can we ride?
Let's get front row! Are those lollipops?

Why didn't we come here first?

-[kittens meowing]
-Are you serious?

We had to do all this runaround

because you didn't wanna bank
with kittens?

Oh, no, cats are uniquely suited
to working in finance.

Finicky about the details,
and not an ounce of pity in their souls.

[groans] I was hoping to avoid...

Ooh! Boss Baby!

And this must be the Tina Templeton!

Banker Baby Benny, here's my hand,
you know what to do!

I love this color.
I wish everything was this color.

-What are we doing today?
-We need money!

-Yes. A small--
-Business loan. Jinx!

I figured as much.

Heard about your exit from Baby Corp.

[mimics explosions and crashing]

So, what's the new shingle, my dingles?

Still generating Baby Love, but instead
of cashing in on the most loved babies--

-[whistle blows]
-[laughs] Choo-choo!

Carry on.

Our company is interested
in cornering a different market.

Hold on just one sec.

Mr. Tigglesnooks, I'm gonna need you
to reschedule my 4:00 p.m. burping.

[burps] Nope, just cancel.

Uh, yes, see, our company will focus
on the babies Baby Corp ignores,

the hardest ones.

A business built entirely on a bunch of
Tantrum Tysons and Drooly Julies?

[laughing]

Hmm. Could work.
Does this company have a name?

-Sunshine Businesski!
-Parvulus Worldwide.

You're throwing a bunch
of consonants together!

-Pick a hand.
-That's only one hand.

Then it should be easy.
I'll make it even easier. It's money.

You're giving us money?

Your pitch was terrible.
Worst I've heard in a rash and a half.

But I know how much love you two
used to bring in back in the day.

And a baby doesn't get an office this
close to the train without taking risks.

-[gasps] Gross paper!
-Ten dollars?

Use this to prove you're a viable,
Baby-Love booming business.

Then you get the loan.

-And you better impress me-- Shiny train!
-[whistle blows]

I say we buy more pencils.
Chip keeps snapping mine.

Every pencil I break in half
is two I can sell on the black market!

We're still paying me, right?

Because I love this job,
but I'm not lowering my quote.

-We'll pay you in stock options.
-Deal!

It's like imaginary future money.

[groans] This just gets dumber and dumber.

We need to use this to show who we are,
by helping a difficult baby.

Shoplifter Baby?
Always throwing stuff in the cart.

-Love that guy.
-Headbutt Baby!

We turn his head into an actual butt,

it'll be softer and we wouldn't even have
to change the name.

To wow Benny, it's gotta be flashy.

-Who's the most hated baby in town?
-[pencil snaps]

-[Buddy groans]
-Cathy.

[indistinct chatter]

[chatter stops]

You stink, Cathy!

Sorry. It's just hard
being so close to evil.

What am I missing?

It's okay, I got this one.

It all started on Cathy's birthday.

Picnic, party hats,
even balloons with her face on them.

It was the best first birthday
Cathy ever had.

But it was about to go up in smoke.

-See, it wasn't just Cathy's birthday.
-Why?

It was game seven of the finals.

[Tabitha] We played so hard
and this was gonna be our year.

-It's not fair!
-[crowd booing]

-That baby's a loser!
-[man] She ruined everything!

That's awful.

-So who won the game?
-Do not ask!

The whole town refused to find out.

What? That's ridiculous!

What's worse, we lost, or we won
but no one could watch the victory?

It's a lose-lose, man!

It's public knowledge!
Look, I found a recap. [yells]

-You just broke your own phone.
-I'll take it out of my stock options.

How much does it cost to have an airplane
write "Cathy's really sorry" with clouds?

This is beyond apologies.

Sports fans aren't exactly rational.
Right, Tabitha?

I stand by my actions.

The way the town sees it, Cathy stole
something, and they want it back.

[Dez] But what's been stolen here
can't be given back.

-It's a conundrum.
-Wait, can't we give it back?

Never give it back!

Sorry, standard policy.
What are you pitching?

We do the game over!

I mean, need I remind you all,
we have ten dollars.

Uh, staging a major sporting event
could cost upwards of--

Wait a minute. Yes!

No fans in town
saw how it turned out anyway, right?

We'll give all the credit to Cathy!

She'll go from abhorred to adored.

[Boss Baby] Nice.

Am I the only one
who sees how insane this is?

We can't recreate a national
sporting event for ten bucks!

Have you seen the team we have here?

Tabitha, who once traded up a pen cap
for an electric scooter?

I am pretty good.

Cammy, who chartered a helicopter
in the middle of a suburb

faster than it takes to deliver a pizza?

Me, who once talked a golf buddy

into opening an island theme park
where dinosaurs get brought back to--

Great story.
Point is, sure, it's impossible.

But we do impossible.

-Yeah!
-Yeah!

[baby] Let's do it!

[Dez] For Cathy.

For Cathy.

-Yeah!
-For Cathy.

[toy] Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!

-What do you mean this is all we got?
-We only had ten bucks!

And don't forget about Chet!

He's athletic and he'll do any job for $2.

[grunts] Hey, goose.
How much you think I can dead lift?

But our beautiful speech!

What happened to all that inspiration?

Well, marketing's had quite a day.

Everyone smile
'cause we're gonna be on TV!

Oh, no.

[Bad Idea Baby]
And I made sure the whole town knows

this is all thanks to Cathy.

[dramatic music playing]

We need to call this off right now.

M-O-N-E-Y. Benny is a cheering guy!

-Why is Benny here?
-I sent him VIP tix.

Box seats!

Can't wait to see what you two
do with my money. So exciting!

You pick today to be good at your job?

Warning for our more sensitive viewers,

the following story contains graphic
descriptions of an atrocious baby.

Ever since our game-seven experience
was devastated by local miscreant Cathy,

the question on everyone's mind has been,
"Can we throw a baby in jail?"

We gotta cover this up!
Somebody get rid of the goose!

[honking]

No, I didn't mean it sinisterly!

Oh, head start, goose?

[scoffs] I think not.

In a baffling new development,

it appears we have a gentleman
on a literal wild goose chase.

Is Cathy mocking us?

-You be the judge.
-What is this?

[Bad Idea Baby] And remember,
today's event is brought to you by Cathy.

-[all booing]
-[woman] Not Cathy again!

So, Cathy, any comments
on why you love to t*rture this town?

Marsha's out for blood
and another Peabody Award.

Get Cathy out of there.

Do you daydream
of ruining people's nights,

and night-dream of ruining their days?

Well, at least that baby
in the background's cute.

Bystander Baby? [gasps] They wouldn't!

Hi. Hello.

Oh, good afternoon. For us.

Not your Cathy. [chuckles]

Did you put your five-percenter
in our news coverage?

[Hilde] Yeah.

Do you know how many persons
are watching this catastrophe?

Look at her numbers!

-[giggling]
-Hey, Bystander! Hey! Hey! Shut it down!

Yes. Yes. I'm happy to see you again too!
Just bystand somewhere else!

How desperate would you say we are?

Do you see me begging a baby
not to be cute?

You know how much the five-percenters
always loved that Tina Templeton energy?

I bet if you talked to Bystander
right now,

you could charm her away
from Baby Corp to be our client.

Salvage at least a little Baby Love from
this disaster, keep our company afloat...

And baby-wipe those smirks off the Luxes'
European supermodel faces!

[Marsha] People are calling you
"worse than an asphalt knee scrape."

Care to comment?

I know. You don't even have to say it.

We started this business
to help the hardest babies.

I just said I know! [groans]

Team Cathy to the bitter end.

[dramatic music playing]

-[honking]
-[grunting]

You think you're better than me, tape?
[grunts]

You thought we were worth the risk once,
we're asking you to take that risk again.

-So, what do you say? Ten more--
-No!

You didn't even let me finish!
It was gonna be dollars.

So close! Come on,
move so I can see the action.

[Chet grunting]

You got this, man!

-Almost reached the corner.
-Get him, tape! Beat old Chet.

He's only in this for the money!
You've got the heart!

[man] Get up, Chet!

I mean, what is a "sporting event" anyway?

Just some contest with an uncertain
outcome that people decide to care about.

-Really, it's as dumb as money--
-[shushing]

Quit while you're ahead. Dez, get some
eyeballs on this dramatic contest.

-Come on, you stupid tape!
-[Dez] Busted.

Yes, it's Cathy two, town zero--

Whoa! Watch it, man. You're...

-[Chet grunting] Come on!
-So close to grasping that tape.

And a big effort from the tape grabber.

But that sticky loop is really hanging on!

We have a barnstormer
of a doozy here, folks.

Can man prevail?
Or is it tape's lucky day?

-[remote clicks]
-Hey. Wait. Go back.

[Marsha]
He's trying through the legs. Inches away!

Oh, and he's down!

[grunting]

[cheering] Go, Chet!

He tries the spin-and-grab.
Looks left. Looks right.

-Looks promising. Oh, no dice.
-Come on, Chet, you hack!

-What do you got, pool noodle arms?
-[girl] We love you, Chet!

Something big brewing here, sports fans.

-[dramatic music playing]
-[grunts]

[grunting]

-[cheering]
-Sweet Jiminy Jackson, he did it, folks!

-The strange man got the back tape!
-Yeah!

Let me take a moment to thank
the sponsor of today's event, Cathy!

You thought you hated her,
but think again.

Cathy, how does it feel to be
the most-loved baby in town?

What's this? Should I open it?

-We won game seven!
-[all cheering]

Looks like loan approval
for whatever we call ourselves.

We can stay untitled for now.
That's our company.

[baby] Yeah, Cathy!

[giggling]

[suspenseful music playing]

Um, hey.

I hear you're the baby who can ruin
other babies' lives for money?

Well, I got money and two babies
I'm still pretty steamed at,

so vengeance, please!

It would make me ever so happy.

[theme music playing]

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ Tell 'em who this is ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪

♪ Y'all heard the story
But you know what the twist is? ♪

♪ Welcome to the family business
Boss baby ♪