02x08 - One Tricked Pony

[bunniefuu]

Hold all my... Whoa!

[laughing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the boss
Dial in to the meeting ♪

♪ Everybody here
Please, find your seating ♪

♪ While you're teething
I'm sinking my teeth in ♪

♪ First one to show
So I can do all my greeting ♪

♪ Profits, payrolls, and pacifiers ♪

♪ I make friends
I love you, you're hired ♪

♪ So come on and raise
Your juice boxes skyward ♪

♪ Boss babies until we retire ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Tell them who this is ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Can a baby get a witness? ♪

♪ Grab a high chair
This the family business ♪

♪ Boss Baby ♪

Money!

We love you, money.

Almighty dollars.

Rain down upon me
with all your purchasing power.

It's so smelly, and somehow always damp.

So why does it feel so good?

I remember my first money bath.

It never gets old.

[shouts]

Ow! Coins.

So shiny. I forgive you.

Thanks for believing in us.

That money's an investment.
Now make your company even better.

You hear that, Mayonnaise City,
the baby love company,

not the mayonnaise store of the same name?

Everything's getting an upgrade.

Soundproof napping desks.

Soundproof-proof desks
that scream all the time.

A baby elephant to hose us all down
at the end of the day.

We can buy a baby elephant
that sprays chocolate milk.

We have money.

While I hate to break up a greed gab,
we don't have that much money.

Benny's investment probably
affords us one upgrade. Just one.

You let us bathe in money.

I wondered what that was about,
but then I was like, eh, go with it.

Can I get that cash back for the register?
I gotta make change.

This is still great news.

If we choose wisely,
one upgrade can make a huge difference.

How about transport chupies?

Let's get teleporting again.

Our current transportation
is turning out to be a hit with clients.

[crying]

[gasps] How'd you get there, baby?

[neighs]

[giggling]

Sorry, Gramma Nonnie, who worked
to put her kids through college

and still made a hot meal every night.

This pony is my new hero.

Babies and ponies.

It just works.

Oh. Can I play "pitch an upgrade"?
What about--?

[Amadou] ...my night bird who has tasted
human flesh, and knows not love.

-Already?
-What?

It's on? There wasn't supposed
to be a new episode today.

[Oni] You knew this would come between us

when you weaponized
that trained owl, Didier.

Oh. Stand down, everyone.
It's just a rerun.

The monitors.

What? What about the monitors?

That's our upgrade.
We fix our communications.

We can finally talk without interruptions
from some Ivorian soap opera.

It's called Bridges Aflame.

Because the main character
is Didier Bridges,

and he keeps getting burned emotionally.

Also one time physically.
That was one crazy pool party.

Anyway, I bought a bobblehead.
Say hi, Didier.

I'm possibly sorry.
But we need working monitors.

Go order
all the fancy tech doo-bobs you need.

We got money.

Thanks, Simmy.

Oh. Sweet, sensitive Didier,

falsely accused
of your twin's zeppelin-jacking.

What's to become of you?

Hey, girl.

Wednesdays, am I right?

-[whinnies]
-I'll get those photocopies

when you stop
stealing my pencil mug, Janet.

I love playing
Normal Boring Office Coworkers with you.

Oh, yeah. Almost forgot.
Could you bring this rent check to Mom?

By end of day is fine.

Thanks, girl. Love you.

[thuds]

Oopsie, boopsie.

Don't fret, horsey. The boo-boo was mine.

I was rushing to enjoy my favorite snack:

-Carrots and rainbow sprinkle frosting.
-[neighs]

That's your favorite snack too?

What a delectable twist.

There's plenty enough to share.

That is an important task.
Perhaps some other...

Wait, why don't I join you?

Unless you
can't eat and walk at the same time.

I know camels have trouble with it.

Splendid.

Shall we, then?

"Mayonnaise City"?

You work there?

Oh, yes.

I know Boss Baby,
Tina, and Tabitha very well.

Lovely souls.

And how fun that you get
to spend all day playing with them.

Oh. Well, I'm sure
they have very important things to do.

You know what you deserve?
Some real playtime.

I'm free.
Let's take the afternoon off to frolic.

Mm-mm.

Why not?
They're all too busy working to notice.

Tag.

You're it.

Polish off the lasties?

I'm full.

[burps]

My dear, when was the last time
you were properly brushed?

[neighs]

Thank you.
I mastered horse grooming back when...

No, I don't like talking about that.

Oh, if you insist.

Like many great tales,
mine begins in Canterbury.

I was an equestrian vaulter
with the Canterbury Canterers.

My specialty was the 20-foot vault.

I'd tumble aloft like a dandelion willow,
but always stick my landing.

Alack, though my skill took us
all the way to the Antwerp games,

my horse, Buttery Smuffins,
was not the professional

he claimed to be on his résumé.

[crowd shouts]

That day,
I made a vow to never vault again.

Ever. Forever never.

Oh, but I can still be friends
with a horse.

Or rather, a special pony.

-Ooh! Shiny sparkles of progress?
-[shrieks]

Uh-huh. Yep, just placing the order
for the new parts now.

But if you don't have the parts yet,
what are you working on?

Uh, just some long-range
transmission enhancements.

Love it. You're the best.

Hello, I'm trying to reach anyone

who has the honor
of working on Bridges Aflame.

I only have five to seven business days
before I lose you.

-I need to know--
-[Amadou] Whose voice is this?

-Why am I hearing you talking?
-[screams]

It's Didier.

No, I've lost visuals.

[Oni] Hey, we are trying to work here.

[Amadou] Shh! Just go with it.

Uh, yes, of course.

It's Didier.

And you are...?

Some kind of ghost?

[Amadou & Oni] Oh!

Yes, Didier.

I am Simmy the Ghost.

I haunt this mansion.

And I can only move on once I know
exactly how all of your lives end up.

[Oni]
We can't give away all the storylines.

[Amadou] I know. Shut up.

That's quite a goal, Simmy.

One that will likely take many years

in daily one-hour installments.

Yeah, I'm gonna need
to cut that down significantly.

Oh. What a day.

Poses with Fruit Baby
needs reinforcements, stat.

Oh, sorry.

I wasn't playing
Normal Boring Office Coworkers.

We really do need these delivered.

Sorry, girl, I'll have more apples
for you when you get back.

Did someone else brush you?

My dearest friend.

Or horsiest friend, if I were to be silly.

Round of water balloon polo?

Yes, I know you're working,
but life is so short.

♪ There's nothing that's phony ♪

♪ 'Bout a baby and a pony ♪

♪ Six legs ♪

♪ Four ears ♪

♪ One heart ♪

♪ When friendship is a-bloomin' ♪

♪ Between a horse and human ♪

♪ It can't be torn apart ♪

♪ And while they're a-ridin' ♪

♪ Enjoying finer dinin' ♪

♪ They are a work of art ♪

♪ For there's nothing that different ♪

♪ 'Bout equine and infant ♪

♪ Two hands ♪

♪ Four hooves ♪

♪ One heart ♪

[Amadou] Will I never know who blowtorched
my family's haunted cocoa farm?

It had to be Amandine, right?

She was the only one
who skipped the hunting owl's funeral.

[audience gasps]

[Amadou] Simmy the Ghost.

How nice to have you pop in.

So unexpectedly.

Simmons?

The thing I can't puzzle out is,
who poisoned the chef?

Was it Oni?

[Oni] Me? Why would I, when he's my son?

He is?

[Amadou] Come on, man,
they were not going to find that out

for several more epi-- Days.

[Oni] Well, I am sorry.
The ghost voice is rattling me.

Now I have a zillion questions.

Are these the new parts?

You haven't even taken them
out of the box. It's been weeks.

Shh! I'm on it.

-Did she just shush m--?
-Shh!

-What's that noise?
-[metal clanging]

How'd You Get There Baby?

How'd you get...? [chuckles]

Gets me every time.

[babbling]

You got stuck in a tree?

Precious never misses a tree extraction.
She wasn't there?

[babbling]

No baby should have
a firefighter put them in a cat harness.

We'll get to the bottom of it.

-She didn't show up?
-What if she's sick?

Does the pony doctor give out
regular lollipops, or giant horse ones?

Follow-up:
Can I have a giant horse lollipop?

I understand we're family.

But if you refuse to pay rent,
it puts me in an uncomfortable position.

I gave it to Precious.
What is up with that pony?

[knocking on door]

-[neighing]
-[all gasping]

-Precious.
-Crispin Biscuits is bad news.

Whatever he said, you cannot trust him.

Looks like Biscuits
has his dough hooks in.

How do we get through to her?

She's a smart pony.

She just needs proof.

[knocking on door]

[Boss Baby] You want proof?

Let us take you on a journey through
the misery Biscuits has inflicted upon us.

One popped balloon.

Of many.

[all gasping]

One printer support manual.

He made me order office supplies.

I don't believe in mirrors, but if I did,

I wouldn't have been able
to recognize myself.

One stuffed animal poompfing.

Are real animals next?

Who knows?

[Tabitha] Flimsy?

Does our word mean nothing?

Squazzup?

I thought Precious might need
a little extra convincing,

so I sent Dez to do some undercover recon.

Who's Dez?

I'm Mookie "The Giz" Gizmo, hoss.

Heard y'all were jonesing
for evidentiary mateets.

Peep this.

I'll be popping
some gnarly grinderdoodles,

so get ready
for ultimate sweaty palm action.

[Boss Baby] Got him.

Stealing shredded documents
from our business?

This is who he is.
He's using you to get to us.

-Well, gosh,
-[all shouting]

thanks for ruining my surprise gift.

I know how she adores
the paper shreds from her stall.

So I recovered some old ones
and wove them into a blanket

I was going to give her, as a surprise.

And all you bring her
is slanderous accusations.

One would think you hardly care.

You work her all day, never play with her.

We play Normal Boring Office Coworkers
all the time.

You don't think she deserves a game
that sounds even remotely fun?

I agree. Shoo, all you meanies.

Okay, Timmy, Chapter 3.

What happens next to famed ice climber
and expl*sives expert Chip Scraper?

The answer lies inside your fingertips.

Good place to take a break.

"Summer sweater sale.

Five percent off
Junior Fancy Junior's fancy June yarns."

[groans] See, now that's good writing.

Hmm.

[grunting] Hmm.

What?

How's the book?

Oh, come on. It's a first draft.

-Tim?
-Hey, everybody. How was work?

What's going on?
Why were our locks changed?

Oh, Precious and Crispin Biscuits
have taken the house.

-Are you kidding?
-What?

[woman on TV] Three contestants,
one A for the law degree, $5 million...

-Did you try the windows?
-Yes, I tried.

-Did--?
-Garage door is locked too.

-What about the--?
-Chimneys are for Santas, not daddies.

We'll call Smitty the locksmith
in the morning.

So where do we sleep?

Think of this as camping.

But instead of fresh mountain air,
we get the vague odor of old mayo.

What if I have a nightmare?
I'll get a paper cut.

In college,
my upstairs neighbor was a tap dancer.

My mattress was a pile of T-shirts.

The trick to falling asleep anywhere is--
[snoring]

-[Simmons] Ooh!
-[all shouting]

You may kiss the groom.

I knew this place was haunted.

[groans] Not a ghost.

Just a delinquent employee.

[Simmons] Congratulations, Didier and Oni.

With this ghost wedding
tying up all loose story threads,

you're free to retire to the moon,

and raise your werewolf son.

Any final words for this happy ending?

[Amadou] Final words?

Uh... The moon just exploded.

And I take back my vows. I say, "I don't."

[audience gasping]

[Oni] Heartbreaker.

It will take you years
to earn my love back again.

[Amadou] Baby,
I got all the time in the universe.

[audience] Aw.

Are you sure about this?

I had it all tied up so nicely.

How is this fixing the monitors?

We paid for fancy new parts,

and all you did
was draw a scary face on the box?

I needed something
for Didier's werewolf son.

He was the best man.

[Amadou] Now let's get
that caveman vampire!

And then get married again.

Actually, Simmy's going to ghost bed.

Night-night.

You go to bed too.

I'll have every story thread--

Monitor fixed soon.

[all groaning]

-[blender whirring]
-[all shouting]

How did you think the smoothies
were always ready when you got here?

Hang on, I'll bring you the contract.

-Ow.
-Oh. Sorry. Have you seen my contact lens?

[shouts] My precariously stacked cups
of hot tea. Carol.

Sorry.

[gargling]

Dude.

Happy morning, Templetons.

Heavens, did I sleep well.

What are those sheets made of, clouds?

[Tabitha] My special cup.

Those fast food pigs did not make peace
with bacon on cheeseburgers

for you to defile their memory.

Do you think I wanted to play rough?

I merely want what's best for Precious.

She's so down in the dumpsies.
And your company is the reason.

So, proposal:

Shut down your baby love business,
and you may have your house back.

Absolutely not.

-No way.
-[neighs]

No, Precious, I just meant
we don't negotiate with t*rrorists,

hostage takers, or Norwegians.

It's too easy with them.
You just feel bad.

The locksmith's on his way.
You're in big trouble, tiny mister.

Oh, dear, do you really want
to send a grown-up to a house

where one word from talking baby me

will snap his brain
like a wishbone betwixt uncles?

Smitty, turn around.

We're coming for you ourselves.
We're taking back our house and our pony.

[Crispin] Sorry, I missed that.

I'm busy brushing these wonderful
horse chompers with Carol's toothbrush.

[retches]

Still working on your second wedding.
Just taking care of some pony stuff first.

-[Oni] Now there is a pony?
-[Amadou] Who can keep track?

Hey, neighbors.

Thanks for the baked goods. Delish.

Free treats.

Nosy neighbor catnip.

Did somebody say "free treats"?

Crispin's taken out our baby force

with a counterinsurgency
of prying adult eyeballs.

You'll have to take point.
Try Tabitha's window.

-[neighing]
-[shouts]

Well, aren't you cute as a 2-inch finch.

But you have to get remarried.
Please. I did all the math.

It's the only way this all wraps up today

in one perfect happy ending.

[both grunting]

-[both shouting]
-[gasps]

[Amadou] What is it, Simmy the Ghost?

Sorry, I saw two babies
get stuck in a booby trap.

[Amadou & Oni whispering]

[Amadou] Oh, yes,
you must mean the twins I rescued

from Dr. Kambire's submarine rodeo.

If they're back,

Oni and I definitely can't get remarried.

Please, Precious, we love you.

Crispin is the problem.

It's nothing.

Sure, yeah, nothing.

I'm not winking. I lost a contact.

[Tim] Look out!

-Up on the roof.
-[gasps]

How'd you get there, baby?

She don't miss.

[babbling]

Oh, no.
Now there's a baby stuck on the roof.

[Oni] Submarine rodeo triplets?

Honestly, I am lost.

Wonderful work, Precious.

Soon your family will agree
to our terms, and this will be over.

[neighing]

A baby stuck on the roof?

[man] That baby must be 20 feet high.

[Crispin] I was an equestrian vaulter.

My specialty was the 20-foot vault.

[crowd shouts]

I made a vow to never vault again.
Ever. Forever never.

[neighing]

You want me to vault 20 feet off of you,
grab the baby, and bring her down?

The way I haven't
since my accident in Antwerp,

thereby bringing resolution
to both an infant in peril

and my own tragic history?

-[neighs]
-No. Shall we order egg rolls?

Okay, we can still redo the wedding

if the submarine triplets
and the moon police drop all charges.

[Amadou] Simmy, listen.

I know you want us
to have our clean happy ending.

I once had a favorite TV show of my own.

I wanted the main character
to live happily ever after.

But I realized, if they did,
their stories would be over.

And the actors who played them,
they'd lose their jobs.

And what if one of them
had just bought a nonrefundable Jet Ski?

[gasps] Oh, my gosh, Precious.

[Amadou] Yes, a precious Jet Ski indeed.

Very impressive horsepower.

[all shouting]

A pony's gonna save the baby.

[Oni] Again with the pony?

[Amadou] No, the "horsepower" referred

to a hypothetical actor's
precious Jet Ski.

[giggling]

[crowd] Aw.

Babies and ponies.

It just works.

Tabby, Carol, over here.

It's okay, Precious.

We've got you.

She's gonna jump.

[spectators chattering]

They're okay.

[crowd cheering]

Yes!

-Oh, great job, girl.
-You are a hero.

[neighs]

Why would I make nice?
I was paid to ruin them.

And now you've ruined that.

Enjoy your house.

And your sheets were just okay.

[groans]

Aw. That poor pony.

Manipulated by a so-called friend
into only doing what they wanted.

[audience] Aw.

Oh.

Sorry, werewolf son.

It's time.

Pip? JJ?

-What's that?
-We're coming for you, Cribspen.

[neighing]

It's okay.
We're just glad to have you back.

I'll play more fun
non-work-related games with you.

Like staple darts.

Wait.

Filing race?

Ugh. Do I even know how
to have non-work-related fun anymore?

[neighs]

What is it, girl?

I have to go away.

-[Amadou] No.
-Why?

[neighing]

You're nodding like you get this.

Oh, right, sorry.

I'll translate.

"I'm leaving because..."

I thought I was doing the right thing,
but I was wrong.

"I just need a little time
to clear my head, figure things out."

It may not be the perfect happy ending.

"But that's okay.

It just means..."

[Simmons] Our story isn't over yet.

[theme music playing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ Boss Baby
Tell 'em who this is ♪

♪ Boss Baby
I'm a legend, mythic ♪

♪ Y'all heard the story
But you know what the twist is? ♪

♪ Welcome to the family business
Boss Baby ♪