01x02 - Comb Back to Me

[bunniefuu]

Okay, I'mma just
put this out there.

The daytime skate session at Saturdays

can only be described in one word...

straight crazy, people!

See that right there?

Stuff like that pops off
at Saturdays all the time!

If someone's not dropping a split

or pulling a coffin,

then they're doing
what me and my girls are doing

every single Saturday at Saturdays,

trying our absolute best not to fall.

Facts.

Saturdays is our home
away from home.

Saturdays is like our safe place.

Yo, this is DJ London,

and I'd like to make a special shout out

to my baby sis, Paris J in the building!

Give it up for her.

Yeah. If you are not knowing,

she's the one right there
with the full-time wedgie, right?

Riding kinda high, girl.

You may wanna handle that.

Correction.

Saturdays "was" my safe place.

Ooh, that's a bad one.

Wow. Did that really just happen?

Yeah. Yeah. I just belched
and a little pizza came up.

Mm, give me a second.

All good.

- I'm good.
- Girl, no.

She's talking about London putting her

and her hefty wedgie on Front Street.

- Mm.
- Uh-hmm.

Or would that be Back Street?

- You get it?
- See, see, see?

I'm seeing you right now.

- She's seeing us.
- She's... Yeah, yeah.

She's looking right, right into my soul.

Guys. I'm telling you,

ever since he got
that new deejaying job here,

he's just been picking at me.

He's ruining my life.

Everywhere I turn, he's there.

Legs looking a little ashy, P.

Use the whole bottle.

No, no, no! Don't sh**t that! sh**t that.

To the right! No, no. No, no.

Your other right! No. Shields! Shields, P!

Game over, stupid human.

I said shields.

Hi, Paris.

Bye, Paris.

I mean it's bad enough
I have to deal with him at home,

but now here at Saturdays, my place?

- It just ain't right.
- No.

What ain't right is having to put up

with six older brothers, who think

taking a bath is against their religion.

Mm. It also ain't right

when you have an older sister
who has absolutely no fashion sense,

and she tries to tell you
that you can't wear

your white jeans after Labor Day.

If I wanna wear white, off-white, ecru,

winter white all year round,

I'm going to do it, okay?

So don't be coming for me
when you're still rocking

your socks and sandals
with flare bottom yoga pants.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm sorry. It's my bad.

My bad, I just... I really...

- I really like my white jeans.
- So, I know.

You know what? Maybe I'm just
blowing this whole thing

out of proportion and...

Hey, hurry up.

Never mind.

Girl, you better come on
if you want a ride home.

Derek and I are trying to hit up a movie.

Two movies if the usher ain't looking.

Exactly, okay.

So chop chop, okay, before I tell everyone

how you ironed on a picture of BTS
to your pillowcase.

Get a move on.

BTS?

It was a phase.

Look, look, look, look.

Uh-hmm, that wedgie...

It's still there.

- Right. Okay.
- You do it all the time!

- All right, enough.
- You came for me!

- I didn't even come for you.
- You say stuff, I don't trip.

- Yes. You always talking about...
- Hey! Hey! Hey!

What is all this?

The real question is, what is all of this?

Yeah, y'all look like
two big baked potatoes on bikes.

- Uh, ya mama.
- Cal!

I'm sorry, baby. It's Dozen's reflex.

- It's a hood thing.
- Mm. Uh-hmm.

What is all this hollering about?

- He would like to do too much.
- Paris can't take a joke.

- I don't even do nothing.
- That's it. No, I do not.

Okay. Never mind, never mind, never mind.

Thought I wanted to know, but I don't.

Whatever it is, hopefully the two of you

can work together to resolve it.

Yes. Just like your mother and I

are working together to resolve

all these pandemic pounds
that we picked up.

Your dad's apron starting to fit
like a waist-trainer.

Well, your mama popped a button
off her skinny jeans,

almost put my eye out.

- Here, see?
- That is not what happened.

That's what happened.
Well, if you will excuse us.

We have a 12-mile, picturesque ride

- through Brazil to peruse.
- Mm.

I'd rather be in Brazil, but okay.

Okay. Well, you guys enjoy yourself.

Yeah.

Turn back around, okay?
Go. Just go.

Don't get all competitive,
you know how you get.

- I will not be competitive.
- Don't play.

- I'm not. Let's get.
- All right. All right.

Welcome to the beautiful hills of Brazil.

- Enjoy your ride.
- Oh, my gosh, baby.

- It's so beautiful.
- Yeah. Muy bonita.

- All right.
- Uh-hmm.

Uh-hmm.

Ooh. Wow.

- You see that tree there?
- I do.

Look at that little mountain
with the fishermen.

- I see that mountain.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, I'm already up to the little church.

- Really, a church?
- At the Iglesias.

There's two churches.
Do you see the second?

I'm at the supermarket in the Mercados.

- What supermarket?
- Uh-uh.

- If you're slowing down.
- Oh, honey.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, I'm at the man with the fish pole.

- I can't feel my butt.
- I can't either.

Babe, I can't... I can't feel mine.

- I can't feel...
- I can't feel...

I can't feel anything.

London? What are you doing here?

Please don't tell me you're using

one of my Strawberry-Kiwi facial masks!

Okay, I'm not. But I am.

Look, Rhonda Baker's having a house party.

And a brutha can't roll up
to the party not exfoliated.

So I'm exfoliating.

Yeah, exfoliating with my stuff,

in my mirror, in my room.

Well, my, my, my, Paris. Excuse me.

But you don't hear me complaining about

you borrowing stuff from my room.

That's because I don't go
in your room, London.

Paris, I don't even go in my room.

I know better.
The last time I went in there,

I got lost for three weeks.

Okay, you're joking but I'm being serious.

How would you feel if I went
into Da Lab and posted up?

Use your stuff and invaded your privacy?

Paris, I wouldn't feel no type of way.

If that's what you wanna do, do it.

But, I gotta go.

Oh, also, I used the last

of your Apple Blossom Body Butter.

I love this stuff.

Bye!

- Don't put my age.
- No, I don't...

I'm not gonna put your real age.

- Please don't.
- Morning, parents.

- Oh, hey, baby.
- Hey, babe.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

Oh, it's "Weigh-in Day."

Your father's programming
his new audible weight scale.

And I am drinking a celery,
ginger, wheat-grass smoothie.

How's it taste?

Like if death and vomit had a baby.

A real ugly baby.

Uh-hmm. What's up with you?

Well, Simone and Ari are coming over

so we can do our nails in Da Lab.

You're gonna do your nails
in your brother's studio?

You're serious?

Yeah. If he can come into Saturdays

and disturb my peace of mind,

I should be able to go
into Da Lab and disturb his.

Only seems fair.

You know what else seems fair?

Paying for extra cheese on a cheese pizza.

But you're not really paying
for the extra cheese. No, no.

You're paying for the cheese
that they should've put on the pizza

in the first daggone place.

I'm telling you,
the Cheese Pizza Game is real.

Don't mind me. I'm just hungry.

Okay. Well, later, parents.

- I got nails to gel.
- All right.

Get the nails did.

- That is going to end badly.
- Horribly.

I think I got it. All right. You ready?

Here we go.

User one.

Your current weight is...

- It's laughing.
- This scale got jokes.

What? No way.

- Oh, the laugh got me.
- Okay.

Maybe the scale got jokes.

I got some jokes
for this thing right here.

Die!

What was that?

Just my dad realizing
that the smoothies ain't working.

Uh, Paris, are you sure
your brother doesn't mind us

- hanging out in his studio?
- Yeah. London is not even here.

He said we can hang, so let's hang.

- I wanna hang.
- Yeah.

I take it you all are done
with your nails?

- Yo, London.
- Hmm?

Paris and crew down there mad as a mug.

Man, they'll be all right.

Look, I made sure
there was no hooks in the net.

You should have
seen their face, dude.

- It was crazy.
- I can only imagine.

Why do you keep bothering
your little sister like that?

Okay. Paris is fine.

She knows I'm just messing with her.

- Yeah.
- If you say so.

I'm just saying, karma ain't no joke.

- Okay.
- Who's karma?

One of your friends? She cute?

Hey, guys.

I got a call for a Newlywed Skate Party.

You down to DJ?

Pays $500!

- All day!
- All day!

I'll book it.

And I'll work on a little

something-something for the nuptial.

'Cause your boy D-Rok has Wedding Bars

comin' out the yin yang!

I'mma yin yang you,

if you show up doing any rapping.

All right?

Don't test me.

Duchess.

She didn't mean that, right?

- Yes!
- Yes!

Wow. That was aggressive.

Look at him over there.

Acting like nothing ever happened.

I know how you feel.

But through much meditation
and simple healing,

I've come to learn
that boys only respond to one thing.

- More pain.
- More pain?

Paris, look, there are many forms of pain.

You just have to find the form of pain

that affects him the most.

You know, hit him where it hurts.

Hit him where it hurts, hey.

Okay, which one of you
little delinquents is the leader?

Hmm. It would be you.

Let's talk business.

Girl, you better stretch.

You do not wanna pull a hammy
on this power walk here,

- this is a long one.
- Cal.

I don't why we can't just walk at a park

like normal people.

Too many stray dogs around here.

There are not any stray dogs
around here, girl.

That is just a stereotype
perpetuated by the media,

to keep people like us in our community

- from hitting our goal weight!
- Hmm. A stereotype?

Okay. Look, I just don't wanna get bit.

You are not going to get bit.

I promise you. Okay?

- Uh-hmm.
- All right.

- And please do keep up.
- I'll always keep up

and beat you.

Run, Cal! Run!

Okay, dog!

At least you're burning calories!

All right.

Well, okay.

I'mma go make me a hamburger.

Derek, look over there, okay?

Man, I don't see it.

What's going on?

She's gone!

Who's gone?

Lucille. My comb!

You named your comb Lucille?

Yes, Madison!

And I put her down for two seconds

and now she's not here.

Some little knuckleheads
crashed into the booth.

We went to see what's up.
Came back and she was gone.

Derek, man, we gotta find Lucille!

We gotta find her! Where is she?

Behold, Lucille!

My brother's lucky comb!

The playing fields
have been leveled, ladies.

And it only cost me ten bucks
and a couple's skate to do it.

I don't get it, Paris.
It's just a stupid comb.

No. This isn't just a stupid comb.

This is my brother's "lucky" stupid comb.

According to my father,
this comb, Lucille,

has been passed down
for multiple generations

of perfectly shaped and manicured afros

in the Johnson family.

Wow, that's a lot of afros.

Uh-hmm.

London and Lucille have been
rockin' since birth!

He does everything with this comb.

He eats with it.

Sleeps with it.

He even picks his teeth with it.

Well played, Paris.

I do my best.

I wouldn't be surprised if right now

he was losing his "hair-combing" mind.

Aww.

Man, I am losing my mind!

Hey, have you all seen a comb?

Anybody, you seen... I know you have.

Have you seen a comb? You?

Black, about five inches,
answers to Lucille?

- No.
- Aah! Hey, have you seen a comb?

- I know you've seen it.
- London.

Folks are gonna think you're crazy

- 'cause you look crazy.
- Man, I don't care, Derek.

I gotta find Lucille.

Without her protruding
from the top of my fade,

my whole "swag energy" is off, man.

And bad things happen when my swag is off.

What's that supposed to mean?

You get... This is what it means.

Lucille...

where are you?

That's a lot of cheddar.

She's gone, y'all.

Lucille's gone.

I don't think I can survive
without my baby.

Oh, it's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

Hmm.

You said these things were bad
but they're actually quite good.

Hmm, tasty.

It's okay. It's okay.

Ooh, Paris, girl,
I see you out here getting it today!

Why are you skating like
it's your birthday or something?

Okay? It's not your birthday, is it?

'Cause if it is,
I didn't get you anything.

I stay broke.

Girls, I'm just feeling good. Okay?

With London over there
worrying about Lucille

and calling in sick for two weeks, okay.

I've been living my best life!
I'm blessed!

I kind of miss the old knucklehead.

Psych!

Hey, girls.

Paris, tell your brother
I hope he gets better soon.

Not a priority. But okay.

And tell him that I told Madison
she can fly solo

for the Newlywed Skate Party next weekend.

To pass on 500 bucks,

must be really sick.

Oh. Okay.

Wow. I didn't know that London passed up

a paying deejaying gig.

Do you think any of it has to do
with me taking Lucille?

- Duh!
- Duh!

I have to give him back that comb.

Guys, I put it in here. I know I did.

Talk about cheap.

Lucille must've fallen out.

Or run away.

Maybe we should check the bus stations.

Girl, you aren't well, are you?

I may have a slight temperature.

Okay. Look.

Maybe we should check the lost and found?

Yeah.

Mr. Perry?

We lost something.

And we're wondering
if we can look in your lost and found?

Sure. How much money you got?

It costs money
to look in the lost and found?

No. I was just seeing

if you was crazy enough to give me some.

- One lost and found coming up.
- Thanks.

Lost and found.

There it is.

There's nothing in it.

Well, I guess whatever got lost,
got found.

Well, what now?

I guess I have to face the music.

Pull my brother out of his funk

and get him back into deejaying.

- Oh, this is so nice.
- Oh, it is?

This is really nice. It's really good.

- Hey, fam.
- Hi.

Is London still in the Da Lab?

Yes, he is still hibernating
in his own filth.

And tell that boy to crack open
that garage door.

The boy is foul.

- Yeah, he smells a little.
- Uh-hmm.

Hey, what happened to you all working out

to lose weight and stuff?

We are exercising. You see this?

This rocking back and forth that I do?

- Cardio.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. You see all that?

Oh, oh.

Girl, your mama's cut, gotta feel that.

And those gummies?

- Sugar-free.
- Oh, yeah.

- Gotta keep it healthy.
- Oh, yeah.

Okay. And y'all say I be doin' too much.

Would you care for another gummy?

- Yeah. Don't mind if I do.
- Uh-hmm. Please, please.

Actually, I figured
this orange are missing.

- Maybe no more gummies.
- Maybe?

- Okay.
- You think?

London?

London, you in there?

This is bananas.

Hey.

Why'd you turn the light on?

I'm asking myself the same thing.

And what is that smell?

- Which one?
- Never mind.

I can see how you can be confused by that.

- Uh-hmm.
- Listen...

Lucille...

You found her?

More like stole her,

then lost her?

You did what?

I was just trying to teach you a lesson

for giving me a hard time at Saturdays.

Come on now, London.

All the jokes on the mic,
calling me by name.

Calling me Rock Head, Big Head,
and all the different heads.

Chasing any boy
that even looks my direction?

Hey, look,
that ain't never gonna stop, okay?

Okay, but besides that,

it's been a lot, London.

A whole lot.

Paris, come on, that's me.

I clown around.

I joke with you at home all of the time.

Yeah, at home.

Our home.

But at the rink?

At Saturdays?

Listen...

Lucille is like your special comb, right?

Well, Saturdays is kind of like
my special place.

You get it?

I get it.

I really do get it.

And I'm sorry.

Saturdays is your hang

and I just got there.

I'll watch how I handle you from now on.

It'll never happen again.

I promise.

Thank you, London.

Yeah.

It'll never happen again

because I'm never leaving
this studio again!

Not without Lucille.

What?

Hey, you two. Oh, oh, no.

Oh, something die in here?

What, what in the rotten
tuna fish is that smell?

Don't worry, I'll clean it up.

Boy, ain't no cleaning this up.

We have to burn everything in here

or throw the whole garage away.

Oh, oh, my eyes.

Huh, anyway, look what I found.

Lucille?

Lucille!

You found her.

How? Where'd you find her?

She was out front in the bushes.

You probably dropped her on your way in.

By the way,
I need you to trim them hedges.

Hmm. Oh, Lucille,

I've missed you so much.

Oh, I've missed you.

I'll never let you out of my sight again!

Y'all two need to get a room.

After you put some soap on that body.

Right. And I'll bounce
to Saturdays, rap to Duchess.

I feel my swag coming back right now!

Yes, sir!

No, don't wave it around, please.

Dad. You know that was not Lucille.

Of course I do.

Look, when that boy was younger,

he never liked to comb his hair,

so I made up a story about how Lucille

had magical powers and it worked.

Only problem is, he loses a Lucille

about five times a year,

so I keep a box of them in the attic.

I shopped down at Price-Co,

got a deal, a little special.

Your daddy likes to buy in bulk.

I see.

If you don't excuse me,

I'mma lose weight the hard way.

Oh, oh, you smell that?

Um, he's right.

Look. I see that London's chakras

are finally back in alignment.

Yeah, seems that way.

May I have your attention, please?

Today, skating for the first time

at Saturdays as newlyweds,

I give you, Mr. and Mrs.
John and Elise Davis.