01x07 - The Chocolate Club

[bunniefuu]

(beeping)

(groans)

Ah!

(sighs)

You ever wake up
on the wrong side of the bed?

Or in my case, out of bed?

For some reason,
I feel like it's going to be

one of those Saturdays.

(beeping)

(grunts) Ouch!

Yeah, one of those Saturdays

where I can't find anything
to wear,

and I hate everything
in my closet.

Come on.

And nothing seems to fit right.

Does anybody else feel my pain?

(cell phone rings)

What up, Sim?

Hey, P. Look, sorry I'm late,

but I hate everything in my closet,

and nothing seems to fit right.

I think something's going around.

I don't know what's up
with this morning.

I mean, yesterday I was fine,
and today I'm just... blah!

And for the life of me,
I don't know how to shake it.

Brownie?

Well, that's one way to shake it.

Mom, how'd you know?

Oh, baby. Mama knows.

Mama always knows

when it's that time.

(sighs)

Mm.

I may need more.

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ All we do is celebrate ♪

♪ Long as I got fun family
And friends ♪

♪ I got everything
That I need ♪

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ We ain't got no time
To waste ♪

♪ No work, all play
No stress ♪

♪ We got everything
That we need ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't
No other day like Saturday ♪

I see that in the future.

Hey.

-What's up?
-Hey!

I thought we were going
to Saturdays.

And why are you guys
sitting here watching movies?

Me and Simone
just got front row tickets

to the Chocolate Club this morning.

And the cramps are performing
their greatest hits.

Okay, what secret language
are we speaking here?

The Chocolate Club?

Our bad.
"Chocolate Club" is code for,

"Our little friend is visiting."

Which is another code.

Me and Paris' little friend visits

at the same time every month.

Mm-hmm. We're all synced up.

And we crave chocolate
when it visits.

Whenever who visits?
Wait a minute.

Double-fudge chocolate chip
brownies are afoot.

Which means...

BOTH:
Chocolate Club time.

Which means I'm out,

but after a brother
grab one of these.

-London!
-London!

What?

London!

London, there are three
black women

looking at you like you just
tried to touch their hair.

I'd put the brownie down
if I were you.

Now run!

(door opens and closes)

So, Ari,
I hope you don't mind us

just chilling on Saturdays today.

Especially with it being, you know,

Chocolate Club time and all.

Oh. Yeah. I mean, that's fine.

It's my Chocolate Club time, too, so...

Ari, are you serious?

(scoffs) Yeah.

I mean, I was gonna ask you all

if we could pause on Saturdays
today first,

but you beat me to it.

Oh, okay. Well, then grab
some of this couch

and join the Chocolate Club sisterhood.

Okay, okay, don't mind if I do.

(giggling)
Okay.

Mom, were gonna need another
bowl of brownie batter.

Ari's a Chocolate Clubber too.

Really? That's great!

Is it, Deb? Is it great?

It's what you want it to be, baby.

What do I know?

(oven timer dings)

Okay, brownie batter's in process,

but until it's ready,
I have toasty heating pads.

-(girls) Ooh!
-DEB: Dig in, ladies.

There you go, Ari. Grab one.

-Yay. Thank you.
-Yes!

Some chocolate on it.

Whew.

(electronic dance music playing)

(spraying)

Shredded Meadow?

No. Cedar Tree Musk.
Want some?

Hit me.

(chuckles) Hey.

-Oh!
-(laughs)

(coughs) Okay, okay.

You guys are k*lling me
over here.

That stuff reeks.

What are you talking about?

These are man scents, okay?

Guaranteed to attract
all the ladies.

Says so right on the bottle.

Look, I hate to break it to you,

but ladies don't like their men
smelling like cedar.

Unless you're cutting one down
to build us a shoe rack.

Well, let me tell you right now,
that ain't happening.

That's not surprising.

Ladies also don't like guys

who leave a mess
everywhere they go.

It's kind of annoying.

No, what's annoying is you
ladies are always complaining

about what y'all don't like.

Yeah, you don't like a guy
who's too messy,

too clean, too soft, too strong.

Like...

Basically, you don't like guys
who are anything.

Unless you're not into guys,
which is okay.

Just means one less lady
we're trying to impress.

(both laugh)

No, Derek.

I am very much into guys.

It just has to be...

the right guy.

Who's the dude with the fiddle?

That's my nephew, Theo.

-Handsome, ain't he?
-Yeah.

PERRY: He's staying with me
for a couple of months.

He builds houses
for the homeless.

Got a scholarship
to Grambling State University.

He even helps the elderly
cross the street

any chance he gets.

That is, when he's not
detangling dolphins

from fisherman's nets
in his spare time.

-BOTH: He's not.
-PERRY: Yeah.

That Theo's quite the swimmer.

You walked all the way over here
to tell us this?

Yep.

(guitar being strummed)

He is very good.

What is wrong with her?

Man, whatever.

He ain't all that.

All them muscles.

Bet his teeth are all jacked up,
though.

(both laugh)

Teeth stacking all up...

Well, there goes that.

ARI: Okay, repeat.

Knees in. (snapping fingers)
Knees out.

And hover, hover, and flap.

Okay, all right, are you guys
even paying attention?

I don't just butterfly bounce
for anybody now.

You know what? I'm surprised
that you even have the energy

to get up and dance right now.

During my chocolate time,
all I want to do

is sleep, sleep, and more sleep.

My eyes are open,
but I'm asleep right now.

You know what?
How about I ask my mom

if you guys can have
a sleepover with me.

I love slumber parties, especially...

You know, as long as we're partying
and not slumbering.

-Okay?
-Mm-hmm.

And as long as you don't start
doing too much.

What are you talking about?
When do I do too much?

The last time I stayed over.

♪ This is my moment ♪

♪ I came to own it ♪

♪ Then feel my energy ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm that next component ♪

(scatting)

♪ A brand-new energy ♪

(laughs)

That was funny, okay?
You got me. You got me.

-(giggling)
-Whoa, whoa.

Is this from the Stomach Slammer
at the Pier?

The ride that slingshots you
up in the air 12 stories

until your stomach
slams in your throat?

Yeah. And it's 20 stories.

I ain't gonna lie.

My short life flashed before my eyes.

You know what?
We should all go together.

Like, all three of us.

-Sure. I'm in.
-Me too.

Hey!

Great. I can't wait.

I can't wait for the three of us
to be terrified together...

like friends, you know?

Real friends.

Honestly, that's all I've ever wanted,

was to have girlfriends
like the two of you,

that get me.

We can be in sync.

That we can share things together.

(snoring)

I'm really...

(both snoring)

(upbeat music playing)

Never mind.

(snoring)

(jolly music playing)

(applause)

Man, the ladies are out today.
(chuckles)

I'm glad I took a shower.

Man, Duchess must be having
some sort of

"Ladies get half off skate rental" special
or something.

I don't know
about the skate rental,

but I see the "special."

♪ We are doing fantastic ♪

♪ Doing fantastic ♪

(applause)

Man, he's spraying so good,

makes me want to rent some skates.

Oh, excuse me. Pardon me.

Uh, hello. Miss...

Shouldn't you be
in the DJ booth doing your job?

It's on auto-play.

And I wanted to watch Theo...

spray.

(audience applauding)

Look at the care and attention
he applies

to each skate that he handles.

It speaks to the love and passion

employed by his inner person.

He's what us ladies in line
would like to call...

a man.

♪ Doing fantastic ♪

♪ Doing fantastic ♪

(scoffs)
Oh, man. What man?

-(all gasp)
-(music stops)

-(sighs)
-Never mind. Carry on.

Come on, D.

Hold on.

I think he's about to spray
two cans at one time.

♪ Doing fantastic ♪

♪ Doing fantastic ♪

(cheering and applauding)

-Wow, I need to learn that.
-(sighs)

BOTH: Mm!

-This is so good.
-Girl!

-Mm-mm.
-Mm-mm.

ARI: Hey!

PARIS: Hey.

Want some double-chocolate
chocolate shake?

I'm telling you,
the brain freeze is worth it.

-No, I'm good.
-I have chocolate in my purse.

It might have a little lint on it,

but it's yours if you want it.

I'll pass, but here's something
you all don't want to pass on.

My dad said he'd take us
to Dino-Rama Water Slide Park.

So, who is down to slide down
the back of a brontosaurus?

Oh, man, I don't think
I'm up for it today.

Yeah, me neither.
You know it's...

BOTH:
Chocolate Club time.

Oh. Um, yeah.

It's Chocolate Time for me too.

(chuckles) I don't know
what I was thinking.

Oh, okay, well, then we can just
do it at a later day then.

-Oh.
-Okay, cool.

-Mm.
-Mm.

-Hey, girls.
-Hey.

So my pops got us tickets
to ride the little go-karts

at Speedy Circle Speedway.

Do y'all want to burn some rubber?

-We would love to...
-Yeah?

...but...

BOTH: Chocolate Club time.

Oh.

-Mm.
-Mm.

Girls, you're not
gonna believe this.

My dad got us passes
to Zip Line City.

Y'all know y'all want to zip-line.

-Sorry.
-BOTH: Chocolate Club time.

I'm not even gonna ask.

I'm not even gonna ask.

Ask what?

Ask you boys to clean up
in here anymore,

because obviously you've decided
not to listen to me.

Sorry, were you saying
something, Madison?

-I wasn't listening.
-DEREK: I heard everything.

-And I still ain't listening.
-(laughs)

Hey, Theo.

Thank you.

-What does he want?
-Let's see.

"Madison, I ask you to accompany me
to the Planetarium.

I'd like to show you the stars,
where you belong. Theo."

What kind of poem is that?

That doesn't even rhyme.

No wonder he never talks.

I think his note spoke just fine.

So, so, so let me get this straight.

You're going to the Planetarium?
To do Planetarium stuff?

I'm sorry,
were you saying something?

I wasn't listening.

She stole our joke.

Okay, girls, y'all ready for this?

My dad scored us

the Stomach Slammer
Ultimate Platinum Package

for today and today only.

So, what do you guys say,
for the hundredth time

of me asking... Okay.

-Ooh.
-BOTH: Chocolate Club time.

I know, I know.
Chocolate Club time.

You guys are driving me crazy

with all this Chocolate Club nonsense.

Ari, it's okay. Okay?

We get it. We really, really get it.

It's your Chocolate Club time.

Yeah, girl. Feed those emotions.

Feed those feelings, okay?

Chocolate gonna make it more better.

Paris, no amount of chocolate
is gonna make it more better.

I mean, I thought
that we were friends.

That we did things together.
That we were clicking.

But obviously we're not clicking
right now,

and I don't know why.

Maybe I need to go click
somewhere else for a while.

Bye, girls.

Ari, don't turn your back
on the chocolate.

Chocolate is life.

Mm!

BOTH: Mm! Chocolate Club time.

(loud beat playing)

Bro, check out Handy Man out there.

-Who he think he is, the Rock?
-Hmm!

LONDON:
More like the Pebble.

Fake old muscles.

Bet you the boxes is empty.

Wow, you two are haters.

Just because Theo clearly
takes care of his body,

he's a simp?

Basically, and so are you,

because if Theo looked
anything like...

Derek, you wouldn't give him
the time of day.

Yeah.

Wait, what?

Theo having zero percent body fat

has nothing to do
with my interest in him.

He's a true intellect.

Intellect? The boy hasn't said
one word to you.

Nothing. Does he sign? Anything?

Yeah, he wrote you a note in crayon.

Whatever, just leave Theo alone,
all right?

He's the kind of guy a girl wants.
Deal with it.

(static crackles over speakers)

(dancers groan)

-Uh-oh.
-"Uh-oh," what?

I think we might have
blew out a speaker.

Yo!

(coughs)
What happened?

-She blew a speaker.
-He's lying.

What are we gonna do
about the music?

(bluesy electric guitar playing)

(all cheering)

(bluesy electric guitar playing continues)

Theo.

(sighs)

(all cheering)

(giggling)

Theo is so smooth.

I got to give it up.

Maybe he is the guy
that women want.

Maybe he is.

(video game dinging)

Move!

DUCHESS: Well, something moved.

And I think it was my joystick.

Come with me.
I know what you need.

-(chair vibrating)
-(laughs)

Feeling better?

Yes, Ma'am.

I feel excellent.

(vibrating stops)

Oh? No, no.

It stopped working.

Does it need more quarters?

Sorry, lady. Ride's over.

Tell me what's going on with you.

Usually your butterfly persona
is popping everywhere.

Lately, not so much.

Duchess, do you ever feel like
you're the odd girl out?

Or in your case,
the odd Duchess out?

Where you have friends who seem
to be really connected,

and they're experiencing
things together

while you're standing
on the outside,

wishing you could be
in the club too?

But you're always feeling
like you're a step behind them.

Nope.

Why did I expect that
to land differently?

What I mean is, not anymore.

I've come to learn
that being a step behind friends

is often a good thing.

Okay, I just...

I'm tired of being
the last to the party.

Being the last to get
an invitation.

It feels like everyone
is going through things but me.

You know, womanly things.

Ari, all I can tell you
is that your time will come.

The transition to womanhood
is a beautiful

and empowering experience.

And when that time does come,

you'll see things a little different.

But what if it doesn't come?

I mean, what if my time
never comes?

Trust me, it will.

Just be patient, Ari.

You have the rest of your life
to be a woman,

but only a moment to be a kid.

Wow.

Those bubbles are really flowing.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Mm.

Hey!

Where's Ari?

I don't know.

Probably somewhere
being mad at me and Sim.

She wanted to go
on the Stomach Slammer,

but we're just not feeling it.

Yeah, I mean, ain't nobody
trying to be Stomach Slammed

during Chocolate Club time.

(laughs) Wait a minute.

Ladies, the world does not stop

just because
it's Chocolate Club time.

Know your history.

This country, this world,
this universe,

-was built by strong...
-(door opens)

...competent,
pain-tolerant women,

trudging through the monthly perils,

yet empowering
and beautiful times

of Chocolate Club.

Ain't that right, Cal?

If I say yes, can I dip this
fruit kabob into this chocolate?

Yes.

Then, yes. Women rule the world.

I'm just visiting.

(both wince)

(both chuckle)

See that, girls?
That's how you train them.

I just don't get
why Ari was so upset.

You'd think she'd understand,

especially since she's a part
of the Chocolate Club too.

Ari is not a part
of the Chocolate Club.

(laughs) Of course she is.

She's not.

With all due respect, Mom,

I think we know our friend
a little bit more than you do.

She's definitely in the club.

Ari is not an active member
of Chocolate Club.

I'll prove it.

Peep game. Clue number one:

Too happy.

Ain't nobody smiling
during Chocolate Club time.

We only smile when it's over,
never before.

Clue number two:
heating pad placement.

Went to the forehead,
not knowing that the heating pad

should be placed on the stomach

to relax the muscles
surrounding the uterus.

Newbie mistake.

And clue number three,

the clincher of all clinchers:

white jeans.

Now, if you don't know why
you don't wear white jeans

during Chocolate Club time,
you better ask somebody, okay?

I rest my case.

Why would she lie to us?

Well, being in a club means
you're a part of a group,

and maybe Ari just didn't want
to feel left out.

Make sense?

Mrs. Johnson,
you missed your calling.

You would've been a great detective,
or a spy.

How do you know I'm not?

(laughs)

Or am I?

Just joking.

I'm sorry, what?

Yes, this is Agent Johnson.

Debbie... Excuse me.

(Paris groans)

Yes, I'm coming in. Coming now.

Whoa. What happened here?

Oh, Madison.
Uh, just a little purging.

Wow, you purged a lot.

-(scoffs) Yeah.
-What's that?

Uh, it's just a shelf I made.

Sorry it's not a shoe rack,

but just a little something
for you to put your stuff in.

Uh, check it out.

Wow.

Thank you.

It's no problem. You're welcome.

Yeah.

So, today's the big date
with Theo, right?

Yeah. Planetarium, here we come.

Well, I hope you guys
have a really good time.

I know I was hating a little bit,

but I think Theo's
a really cool dude.

A little quiet, but cool.

I hope he's the perfect guy for you.

Thanks, London.

Hopefully he is.

Oh, hey, Theo. You ready to go?

(in high-pitched voice)
Yeah, let's do this.

I've been waiting for this all week.

What up, bruh?

(in high-pitched voice)
What up?

(in normal voice)
A lot of things.

Enjoy the planets.

So, you look good.

I like the no-hat look.

Uh...

(Ari clears throat)

So, uh, this won't shuffle
my internal organs, will it?

Because I kind of like
my kidneys where they're at.

-SIMONE: Wait. Sorry.
-PARIS: Don't slam her yet!

We're with her.

-Hey.
-What are you guys doing here?

We're here to say that we're sorry.

It took us a minute, but we realized

that you're not
in the Chocolate Club.

Actually, my mom is the one
who figured it out.

We were too blinded by
the chocolate to see the truth.

I'm sorry I lied about
being in the Chocolate Club.

I mean, I just wanted to be
as close as the two of you.

But, Ari, you are.

Yes, you are, okay? You're our girl.

And just because
we're not experiencing

the same thing at the same time,
doesn't mean we don't love you.

Because we do.

-Oh, you do?
-We do.

And, look,
Chocolate Club time or not,

we're getting on
the Stomach Slammer together.

So get that fear photo popping
and move over!

-Okay.
-Stomach Slammer girl,

we're gonna ride up.

-(restraint buckle clicks)
-Okay.

(gasps)

You sure you want to do this?

BOTH: Yes! We're sure.

Okay.

(all giggle)

Thanks, guys.

I mean, you really don't know
how much this means to me.

I have learned a lot
in the past couple months.

One is that every young woman

must travel her own path
to womanhood, you know?

Experience the complexities
of life in her own way.

Embracing those special moments,

for they only help
to define our character.

Also, in life, we must elevate...

(all scream)

(camera shutters click)

(girls laughing)

ARI: Oh, my gosh.

-That was so terrifying.
-Mm-hmm.

I can't wait to do it again!

Same here, but just not today.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no,
today is about

welcoming the newest member
of the Chocolate Club.

Ari.

Ari!

-Chocolate Club time.
-Chocolate Club time.

Yes.

Oh, don't forget about the eldest.

-Mom?
-Yeah?

-Are you a little hot?
-Oh, just a little, sweetheart.

Cal?

Did you want the ice pack,
the folding fan,

or thinly shaved ice chips?

-All three, please.
-You got it.

Oh, thank you.

Your mama's also a member
of the Private Summer Club.

I just work there.

You'll all be joining one day.

A little faster, Cal.

I just hope you tip well.

♪ Coming to the barbecue ♪

♪ Promise it gonna be a mood ♪

♪ Holler if you
Rolling through ♪

♪ Like I am ♪

♪ Bring the homey
Bring the boo ♪

♪ You can bring your mama too ♪

♪ Our love is how we do ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Monday through Friday ♪

♪ Got us like, "meh" ♪

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ All we do is celebrate ♪

♪ We got everything
That we need ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't
No other day like Saturday ♪