01x15 - Goin' for Gold!

[bunniefuu]

PARIS: The great thing
about having bakers for parents

is that the house always smells good,

and the goodies taste even better.

The downside is,

if you don't get to it fast,
you just ain't get any.

If it's not my bonehead brother
doing the tart snatching,

then it's "Sticky Fingers" Derek
helping himself to the goods.

Even my girls can't resist
the lure of the fruit tart.

I'm telling you,

it's "The Quick and Hungry"
around here, y'all.

Lucky for me, your girl
has a secret stash spot...

behind the week-old mac and cheese,

just left of the toasted ravioli,

and right of the PB&J
with green fuzz growing on it,

I have my treats cleverly hidden.

Don't nobody dare check behind here.

Uh-oh.

Somebody dared. (laughs nervously)

Booker?

Hey, play cousin!

Mm! This is real good.

This is real good. You know what?

You need to find a new hiding spot.

(laughing) For real, for real.

Hey, can you hand me
some of that milk from in there?

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ All we do is celebrate ♪

♪ Long as I got fun family
And friends ♪

♪ I got everything that I need ♪

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ We ain't got no time to waste ♪

♪ No work, all play, no stress ♪

♪ We got everything that we need ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't
No other day like Saturday ♪

Well, it's good to see
that moving to San Francisco

didn't ruin your appetite.

Mm-hmm, or your food etiquette.

I see you're still greedy old Booker.

Well, we have missed you, Booker.

And we're just so excited
that you decided to spend

some of your Chicago summer with us.

So am I. You know, it was either this
or fly to Prague with my dad and sister

for a meteorologist convention.

So, thanks for saving me
from that tropical depression.

Well, your daddy saved me from drowning

in a ball pit at Charlie's
pizza parlor when we were six.

So for that, you're always welcome.

You have an open-door policy.

Just not an open refrigerator.

DEB: Mm-hmm. Or pantry or freezer.

So put a lock on them lips
while we're gone.

-Where are y'all headed?
-Sammy's Hardware.

Thinking about painting the living room.

-Give it a fresh look.
-ALL: It's about time!

(overlapping chattering)

Yeah, I'll be at Saturdays.

-We gonna head to the lab.
-Yeah.

To take care of some lab stuff.

(indistinct chatter)

Hey, uh, lab stuff makes me hungry.

Just take the plate.

-You're a good man.
-Hmm.

I'm invoicing his father
for our grocery bill.

Mm-hmm. I am already tracking.

How many cookies was that?

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, what?

"Dilemma" Emma, ten o'clock.

She chatted me up for 30 minutes last week

talking about some eye boogers
and nose hairs.

Okay. I had to give her a hand
in the bathroom once

because she almost fell in.

You know, maybe if we freeze,
she won't notice us.

Mm-hmm, okay.

(all exhale deeply)

That was a close one.

-Hey, girls.
-ALL: Ah!

-What y'all doing?
-Hiding.

I mean, chillin'.

"Chillin'." Derived from
the word "chilling."

Colloquial slang
for "spending time relaxing."

Also referenced as "chillaxin'."

ALL: Right.

May I ask you all a question?

-Must you?
-Actually, it's two questions.

One, why is the island
of Greenland called Greenland

if 80% of it is covered in ice?

And two, how do I ask a boy
I like for a couples skate?

Question number one... I have no idea.

I didn't even know it was an island.

But question number two,
now your girl got some answers.

So who's the boy you're peeping?

Nelson.

Nelson?

Who sniffs his armpits
and belches the alphabet?

Yup. That's my boo right there.

I just like him a lot. I mean a lot-lot.

And I'm afraid if I ask him to skate,
he'll say no.

Emma, we got you.

Yes. Say less, our awkward,
clumsy, needy little friend.

Your three skate aunties are on the case.

Mm-hmm. That's right. Your We-B-Aunties

are going to show you how to bag
a couples skate with Nelson.

-You are?
-Mm-hmm.

Thank you! Thank you so much!

So, what's the first thing
you need me to do?

You think she would know, right?

(R&B music playing)

♪ You saw me, I saw you ♪

♪ And I was lost in your eyes ♪

♪ Like forever and ever ♪

♪ And ever and ever... ♪

Whoo! Yo, D, that was nice, man.

Hey, D-Rok got some pipes.

Well, you know. What can I say?

Well, you know, since you asked.

I was wondering, at the end,
maybe you could run it like this.

♪ You saw me, I saw you ♪

♪ And I was lost in your eyes ♪

♪ Like forever and ever ♪

♪ And ever and ever ♪

-Something like that.
-Okay. Yeah, I like that.

Let's run that together.

Oh, yeah, y'all. Oh, man!

-(laughs)
-Ahem. Okay.

♪ You saw me, I saw you ♪

♪ And I was lost in your eyes ♪

♪ Like forever and ever ♪

♪ And ever and ever ♪

Hold up. Wait a minute, y'all.

I think I just witnessed
the birth of a supergroup.

You know what? I think you just did.

(laughs)

And it took less than nine months.

Birth?

Come on, y'all. It was a metaphor.

-I'm gonna fall back.
-All right.

But for real, though, I think
we go something special here.

And I already got the perfect name for it.

Hold up. Wait. I got it.

BOTH: LDB! London, Derek, and Booker!

I was gonna call it
Three Dudes in a Garage,

but, hey, that works too.

We can go with that. We can go with that.

Let's just run it back again.

So, Emma, you are so lucky
that your skate aunties

are always prepared
for an impromptu glow-up.

By the time we're done with you,

you won't even have to ask Nelson
for a couples skate.

He'll be asking you.

No, he'll be begging you,
on his little dusty hands and knees.

Oh, my gosh! I'm so excited!
I can't wait, aunties!

Glow me up, girls. Glow me up.

Wait, this isn't gonna hurt, is it?

Define "hurt."

Uh-uh, Paris, we don't want that.

Yeah, kid. Okay, it's gonna hurt.

I mean, no pain, no gain, girl,
all right, so what we doing?

'Cause aunties have some other
auntie stuff we could be doing.

This ain't a game.

I can take it.

All right. Well, let it be took.

(camera shutters clicking)

ARI: (sighing) Oh!

Look at little mini-us!

So, Emma, how do you feel?

I feel like a celestial being
that just descended to Earth

to embark upon a journey of enlightenment.

Please don't ask her any more questions.

-(soulful music playing)
-Oh.

That sounds like couples skate
music to me.

Oh, and there goes Nelson over there.

So are you ready to go ask him
for that couples skate?

Am I ready?

Can a flea jump 350 times
the length of its own body?

Excuse me, aunties.

The DJ's playing me and Nelson's song.

Oh! Look at our little Emma go!

I feel like it was just yesterday
we were teaching her not to bite her nails

or snort when she laughs.

That was an hour ago, Paris.

Wait, where is she going?

You know, maybe she'll turn around.

Or maybe she needs a bit more
help than we thought she did.

Those wings were on loan, Emma.

Don't have me come looking for you.

(indistinct chatter)

Uh, Mom? Dad? Are y'all okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, son.

We're just trying to decide
on what paint color

to go with for these walls.

Now, I prefer the orange salmon.

but your dad is really
feeling that prison gray.

It's not prison gray. It's beige gray.

There's a difference.

Gray bars.

I don't know if you guys have heard,
but Duchess is allowing LDB to perform

on a couples skate.

-Nice!
-Oh!

LDB is about to be official.

-Yes, sir.
-(laughs)

That's great, you guys.

Now remember,
when you guys get on that stage,

you keep y'all's clothes on.

No Petey Pablo shirt-swinging
and whatnot, okay?

Yeah. None of that Bruno Mars hip action.

Need I go into detail?

Nope, that's cool. We'll keep it PG. Okay.

-All right.
-Good. I'm just so happy

that you boys are clicking.

So am I. It's weird.
I feel like D-Rok and I

have been singing together
our entire lives.

Yeah, it's like our voices
were meant to be together.

-It's kismet.
-BOOKER: Yeah.

I don't know what kismet means,
but I'm with it.

And ain't nobody gonna
be trippin' on who sings what.

You know? Unlike all them other groups.

Yeah.

-No egos.
-Yes.

Egos are for suckers.

LDB is ego-free.

-That is good to hear.
-Yeah.

So who's singing lead?

BOTH: I am.

So about this salmon. Is it orange salmon?

-DEB: Yes.
-CAL: I mean, that's fine.

EMMA: Hey, We-B-Aunties.

Hey, Emma. What happened to you last week?

Yeah. The goal was for you
to skate up to Nelson, girl,

not past him.

Yeah, and where are my wings at?

Hope you're having them dry-cleaned.

I don't know what happened.

The closer I got to him,
the further he seemed.

It was like I was in a tunnel.

And then my face got hot,
and my tummy started twisting.

I just had to get out of there.

BOTH: Butterflies.

Or bubble gut. Yes.
I think we've all been there.

Don't worry, Emma.

Minor setback, but we can fix it.

-Fix it how?
-Easy.

We just got to go big.

In order to attract Nelson,
we're gonna need a grand gesture.

You know, I was thinking
a gigantic banner and a biplane! Yeah!

Girl, we ain't getting no banner
and no biplane.

What you need is you Auntie Simone's
lavender and lemon pheromone spray,

guaranteed to bring a boy
to his very knees.

Lavender makes my head swell up.

Oh, well, this may not
be the spray for you. All right.

Emma, listen to your Auntie Ari here,
and I'll tell you the best way

to snag a couples skate with Nelson.

Mmm.

Bribery.

Boys love a good blueberry slushee,
especially when it's free.

BOTH: True.

Now, you're gonna roll over there
real smooth like,

offer him one,
then ask about that couples skate.

Okay, but what if he says no?

Oh, then give him
a little slushee shampoo.

You know?

Okay, now go over there and get your man.

I got this.

-Yes.
-Hear that, ladies.

She's got this.

-(body thudding, splashing)
-BOY: Hey, watch it!

She ain't got this.

I'm sorry, We-B-Aunties.
I'm just hopeless.

Oh, no. Don't say that.
Look, you're awesome, Emma.

And we should have
told you that from jump.

Instead, we were doing too much.

We were trying to focus
on making you a mini-us,

when we should have been focused
on what makes you special.

And what makes you special
is you being you.

We're sorry.

That's okay, We-B-Aunties.
You tried your best.

I'm just gonna go home
and cry to my turtle, Marvin.

He smells a little funny

and hasn't come out of his shell
in, like, a year,

but he's a real good listener.

Bye, girls.

Aw.

Guys, we can't let
little Emma go out like that.

We have to get her
that couples skate with Nelson.

And break the news to her
about that turtle.

I think Marvin got his wings, y'all.

Mmm.

♪ Hey, girl ♪

♪ Let me get your number... ♪

Bro, I'm digging that. That was nice.

No, no, no, that was cool. That was cool.

You know, if we're trying to be basic.

-(laughs)
-Oh. "Basic."

Oh.

I just mean, you know, if we're trying
to take it to the next level,

maybe we should try something like this.

(clears throat)

♪ Hey, girl ♪

♪ Let me get your number... ♪

You feel that?

You feel the vibrato?

I hear what you're saying. All right.

Yeah, I feel something. I feel nausea.

Now let me show you how it's done.

♪ Hey, girl ♪

♪ Let me get your number... ♪

♪ Hey, girl... ♪

♪ Hey, girl... ♪

♪ Girl, let me get your... ♪

I think we got it. Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey, man! Are we all right?

Because I thought
we was making a love song.

I'm not feeling the love
right about now, okay?

All I'm getting is volume and spit.

It's real moist over here. Are we cool?

(scoffs) Yeah.

We real cool.

-Real cool.
-The coolest.

-Ice-cold cool.
-Yeah

Just two icicles over here.
(imitates shivering) Brr.

-DEREK: Brr.
-BOOKER: You're cool.

Okay, all right. Okay, cool.

Keep chilling and hop back on this track.

♪ I'm ready... ♪

♪ I'm readier than you
Yeah... ♪

♪ Yeah... ♪

(groans softly)

Yo. What's up, Nelson?

Yeah. How you feeling?

I like your skates.

So, what's up with our girl, Emma?

-You know she likes you, right?
-Yeah. And she's cute.

Uh-huh. Cute and awkward.
And that's saying something.

I don't know what it's saying,
but it's saying something.

It's saying she's one of a kind,
an original.

Yeah, and she's curious and smart.

Uh-huh, and you like
smart girls, right, Nelson?

Right? Huh?

Speak up. Hmm?

-I can't hear you. What?
-Yeah.

So, what's the deal, Nell?

You gonna couples skate
with our friend or not?

-What's going on?
-Oh, nothing.

We're just talking with our boy Nelson.

-(Ari laughs)
-But you don't have to ask him

about our couples skate.

What? Why not?

Because I took you guys' advice
to be myself,

and I asked him to a couples skate.

You did? Girl, what'd he say?

I said yes.

But now, no. No way.

Your aunties are mean.

Uh...

but...

Hey, Emma Em.

How you doing, girl?
You know your eye, it's just...

It's twitching just a little bit.
Just a...

You three ruined my life!

I'm never talking to you again.

Marvin told me not to trust you.

Aw.

She's upset.

So who wants a snow cone?

Hmm.

Still no call on the color, huh?

Nope. They've been like this for hours,
just staring at the wall.

Like they're on a self-imposed time-out.

So, Book, what's up
with your little scarf?

You see, I'm just trying
to keep my pipes warm

for my big debut.

I don't know if y'all heard yet,

but I am headlining
the couples skate at Saturdays.

Oh, with Derek, right?

Yeah. He'll be there, too.

Well, we just ruined a couples skate
situation for somebody, so...

One of y'all friends?

Oh, no, just some little girl we know.

She admires us.

Worships the ground we walk on.

And innocently came to us
looking for help,

and we crushed her little soul.

But, hey, that's life.

You know, I don't know, guys.

Crushing the soul
of a little kid is kind of bad.

Paris, remember how we felt
when London told us

there's no farm
where hamsters go to retire?

I do. I mailed all those letters
to Mr. Snuggles.

Now it makes sense why he never responded.

That's bad.

Almost as bad as when
my big brother told me

that there's no such thing
as the tooth fairy.

Wait, what?

There isn't?

Oh, man, the devil is a lie!

Well, guys, we need to make this right.

We have to get Emma
that couples skate with Nelson

by any means necessary.

Okay, well, since y'all
want to be loud over there

talking about some nonsense,
why don't you come help us out.

-So, what's up?
-Your mother and I

have been stuck on picking
a new color for this wall

-for the last three weeks.
-BOTH: We know.

Okay, didn't nobody ask
for no four-part harmony.

What we need is help deciding
on a color for these walls.

So, right now it's Stuart Gold,

but I don't know, I'm kind of thinking
of going with that Savannah Clay.

Okay, so your mama
likes the Savannah Clay,

but I'm more of a Van Deusen Blue guy.

It really makes the accent pillows pop,
and I just like saying "Van Deusen."

It makes me sound bilingual.

I thought you liked the terra cotta?

Terra cotta? I don't gotta.

(Debs gasp)

What the...

♪ You're welcome ♪

♪ We'd better run ♪

Wow. Cal...

I kind of like that High Park Green.

Hey, you like it, I love it.

-The kid's got an eye.
-Yeah.

All right, LDB. This is it, y'all.

Everything we worked hard for.

-This is our moment. Let's get it.

Hey, it's as good as got.

I got it more.

Not as... Not as much as I got it.

Well, okay, well, we all got it, okay?

'Cause we all got to do the song, right?

Okay. Now, let's go.

(inaudible)

What's up, Nelson?

-Listen, if you...
-ARI: Okay, listen,

we're not here to bully you... anymore.

Look, we're sorry for the way
we acted last week.

We sometimes go too far.

Yeah, and we don't want what we did
to come in between you and Emma.

Tell us what we need to do
to make your couples skate happen.

We'll do anything.

-Anything?
-Mm, not anything, okay?

If it involves money, we're broke.

If it involves food, we're broke.

So basically, we're broke.

There is something you can do for me.

(R&B music playing)

(humming)

(Paris sighs)

The things we do for love.

Did you say you love me?

♪ I'd miss you but I don't have time... ♪

We're gonna keep
this couples skate rolling.

Grab a hand, roll on out,

and fall in love with LDB.

(soulful music playing)

♪ I could get lost in your eyes ♪

♪ You saw me, I saw you ♪

♪ And I was lost in your eyes ♪

♪ Like forever and ever ♪

♪ And ever and ever ♪

♪ You saw me, I saw you ♪

♪ And I was lost in your eyes ♪

♪ Like forever and ever ♪

♪ And ever and ever ♪

♪ Look at what you did to me ♪

♪ And get my heartbeat racing ♪

♪ Beating double-time ♪

♪ We got a love you can't deny ♪

♪ This kind of chemistry ♪

♪ And we should just leave this place ♪

♪ And skate into the night ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ It's obvious that you're the girl ♪

♪ Of my dreams ♪

♪ And I can't seem
To get you off my mind ♪

♪ So forget about what he said ♪

♪ And come with me ♪

♪ Just take my hand ♪

♪ And, baby, we can slide... ♪

BOOKER: Hey, girl, question...

are you my appendix?

If so, I think I should take you out,

'cause you're vital.

Vital to my heart and everything I am.

You are the wind beneath my skates
and the sunrise to my soul.

And I mean that expeditiously.

And I know that's not the right word
I should be using at this time

but your beauty got me clouded.

And being on a cloud with you is like...

-It's like...
-Being in heaven with me.

Tell me, girl, are you a loan?

'Cause if you are,
you have my compound interest.

And I would love to invest
every waking moment with you.

Just not the moments where
I'm playing my video games,

'cause that's D-Rok time.

The rest of the time is your time.

Feel my shirt. You know what that is?

100% cotton, breathable fabric.

But I can't breathe without you.
I know you're feeling me.

And I know you're feeling me, because...

BOTH: ♪ You saw me, I saw you ♪

♪ And I was lost in your eyes ♪

♪ Like forever and ever ♪

♪ And ever and ever ♪

DEREK: ♪ You saw me I saw you, like... ♪

♪ And I was lost in your eyes like... ♪

♪ Forever and ever ♪

♪ And ever and ever
Ever, ever, ever, ever ♪

♪ You saw me ♪

♪ And I saw you ♪

♪ I could get lost in your eyes ♪

♪ Forever, forever ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ You saw me, I saw you... ♪

(scatting)

BOOKER: ♪ Lost in your eyes... ♪

DEREK: ♪ Forever, ever, ever... ♪

BOTH: ♪ And ever, ever ♪

♪ And ever, ever, ever, ever ♪

♪ Ooh-hoo ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Hoo-hoo ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

(both scatting)

♪ You saw me I saw you, yeah ♪

♪ But I saw her ♪

♪ And she was... ♪

♪ Oh, Booker
You looking A little tired, buddy ♪

♪ No, you looking tired D-Rok ♪

♪ No I'm staying here forever ♪

-♪ And ever ♪
-♪ And ever ♪

(both, fatigued) ♪ Forever ♪

♪ Ever ♪

(Booker crooning)

-(coughs)
-DEREK: All right.

Had enough?

I want say no...

but my voice is saying yes.

How does your voice feel about pizza?

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

(coughs)

♪ Brother, put the pepperoni... ♪

♪ Coming to the barbecue ♪

♪ Promise it gonna be a moo' ♪

♪ Holla if you rollin' through ♪

♪ Like I... ♪

♪ Bring the homey, bring the boo ♪

♪ You can bring your mama too ♪

♪ That is how we do, oh, oh ♪

♪ Monday through Friday
Got us like "meh" ♪

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ All we do is celebrate ♪

♪ We got everything that we need ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't no other day
Like Saturday ♪