03x09 - Mega Fat

[bunniefuu]

- [boy grunts]
- [phone dings]

Hold all my calls.

- [giggling]
- [lullaby plays]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss
Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son
Where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify
You just got to pay me ♪

- ♪ Who's in charge? ♪
- ♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

[music playing]

[Mega Fat] ♪ Bew bow boo-bee boo-poo ♪

Big finish!
♪ Ha ha ha, you're... ♪

Allow me to tell you
what I'm gonna do to you

if'n you don't.

I don't care about Baby Corp.

Help me ruin Boss Baby,
and you can keep it.

- What?
- [Mega Fat on monitor] Deal.

- [babies gasping]
- Who...?

Magnus!

I am a baby of conscience.

[board member] Mega Fat CEO Baby...

you're fired.

- What?
- [Boss laughing to melody]

[Mega Fat screaming]

[groaning, grunting]

Oh.

[yelps]

You can't get rid of me that easy,
Baby Corp!

- [grunts] You fired the wrong baby!
- [plastic squeaks]

[panting]

Okay, guys, your prank is hilarious
and now you can transport me

back to Baby Corp
so we can laugh together!

Ha ha... Oh!

[coughs] Oof!

- [gasping] Oh!
- [footsteps approach]

Welcome to Itty Bitty Cuties
Baby and Family Resource Center!

What did they get you for, huh? [chuckles]

Me, I was nabbed for toy embezzling.

Spinny seats. Heh.

It was never about the money.

I just liked getting dizzy
every now and again, you know?

Whoopsie-doopsie!

[laughs, sighs]

I'm Internal Ethics Baby Donald,
or former Internal Ethics...

You know what, just call me Donald.

And you are...?

Mm-neh.

Okeydoke.

Then let's check out
the old severance box.

- [objects rattling]
- Ah, six-month supply of special formula.

Eh, where's the shipping invoice here?

"Mega Fat... CEO Baby"?

Wowie-wow!

Not every day a CEO
comes down the chimney. [laughs]

Oh, but I guess, uh, technically,
one didn't today either, huh?

Pew-pew-pew!

Heh, right? 'Cause you're fired.

You are an extremely unlikable
baby person.

Look, I know first day's the worst day,

but getting better starts
with getting back up on your feet.

Okay.

[straining]

[laughs] Okay!

Now come on,
your first group session is waiting.

[Mega Fat] Hey! Wha...

[chord plays]

The thing that's teaching me
how to be a good baby

is music.

I even wrote a song about it.

Or maybe I should say
the song wrote me.

♪ A good baby shares
Her hopes and her cares ♪

♪ She gives more than she takes ♪

You have spirited me
to a dimension of nightmares.

Whoa, hey, look.
None of us wanted to come here.

What do you think happens
to fired Baby Corp execs?

Let me guess...

Milk and cookie party
for their boring, dumb friends

to say their boring, dumb goodbyes.

Then they go live
with a boring, dumb family

to be dumb and boring forever.

[rattle shakes]

- Am I boring, dumb close?
- [blows raspberry]

That's retirement for good babies.

I said "fired."

Bad babies.

You and I both know
how that goes down.

[Donald whooping]

[laughing, whooping]

[laughing]

- Whoopsie-doopsie! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- [baby yelps]

Whoopsie-doopsie!

- [grunts]
- Hmm.

Ah, Buddy From HR!

And his friends, other Buddies From HR!

What's going on?

We know about the spinny seats, m'kay?

[board member]
Internal Ethics Baby Donald,

due to a complete lack
of internal ethics,

you're fired.

Whoo-oopsie-doo-oopsie!

Babies like you and me,
we're not ready for family life yet.

We gotta work out our own stuff first.

You gotta find out...

what's in here.

[laughing to melody]

- Found it!
- Oh, wow, that was fast! Heh.

Guys! Mega Fat found his new purpose
in life on the first day!

- Wow, first day!
- Nice!

Great job, man!

Speak your truth, man!

Who are you on the inside?

I'm a hot-blooded baby bent
on cold vengeance against Boss Baby.

You dig?

Oh, uh, heh, pal, we're actually here
to learn how to be good.

Good at getting revenge? Oh, sweet!

Sign me up with a glitter pen!

♪ A good baby calms
So he's easy for dad and mom ♪

- ♪ Gets along with girls and boys... ♪
- Goo-ga-kai!

- Goo-ga-kai! Goo-ga-kai!
- Aah!

♪ A good baby sees
The beauty in the lakes and trees ♪

♪ From the hugs and smiles and laughs ♪

♪ I tear Boss Baby's neck
Like a giraffe's ♪

Oh, hey, friend, uh,
about this "revenge" obsession...

- I gotta warn ya...
- [bell ringing]

- [babies laugh]
- Never mind! Heh!

- It's mail time!
- Aah!

Any second now, we'll find out
if we've gooduated

from the Itty Bitty Cuties program
and who our family will be!

- Here they come!
- [rumbling]

Get ready!

[sighs]

I did it! I gooduated!

Yes! I hope my new family names me Pedro.

- [groans]
- [muttering]

Hooray, I failed!

Watch out, Boss Baby,
I'm a certified naughty boy!

[door opens]

Oh, Miss Marsha Krinkle, I'm sorry,
you can't just burst in here.

Who are you, the Soviet Constitution?

Freedom of the press, Josh.

You have health code violations?
I expose them.

- I win awards.
- Who do we have here?

Ah, that's Joshua,
our baby/real world relations attaché.

Which is a fancy term for babysitter
who has no idea he works for Baby Corp.

I was talking about
that no-nonsense news lady

with that unique sophistication
reserved for a woman

whose hair is larger than her head.

We follow all the regulations.

Here's the daily log.

It's not hard to follow.
Heck, even these babies could do it.

I'm having a hard time believing that.

Babies are good for nothing.

- Let's go, Roosevelt.
- [grunts] What the...?

- [giggles]
- Aah!

Except for that little chubsy one.

He's good for a laugh, huh?

- You're a little devil-booger, aren't ya?
- [cooing]

We'll be back, Josh.

You see, man?

Everybody loves a bad boy
devil-booger vengeance baby.

- [preek screaming]
- [babies shout]

[munching]

You have a preek?

The pre-kindergartner is Bryce,

and he's exactly what I've been trying
to warn you about.

Mm. All done.

Bryce was like you,

had an old office grudge
he couldn't let go of.

He refused to reform, ran out
of his six-month supply of special formula

and started growing up.

[gasps] No.

My favorite animal is a giraffe
and a unicorn!

So, if I were you,
I'd think real hard about...

Destroying Boss Baby quickly?

Yeah, that's the what's up
in Toledo, Mr. Guy.

What? No! [groans]

[Mega Fat] Tiptoe sneaking out, Boss Baby?

Guess you heard who was after you.

Simmons!

Where are you?

[Mega Fat] Come and get me, Boss Baby!

Come run over these leaves
and get me before I get you!

- Simmons! Simmons!
- [Mega Fat shouting]

Me! Me!

Why are you looking for Sim...
Whoa! [groans]

Weird spot for a hole.

Simmons, no!

I should have known Boss Baby
would be too dumb to have the good sense

to fall into a tiger pit
like he's supposed to.

Hey there, amigo.

Uh, we're not really supposed to do this,
but I'm worried about you.

So, I made a couple of calls.

What is this?

The family Baby Corp's picked out for you
once you're ready to settle down

and be a good baby.

Phillip and Joan Watters.

They live on a lake.

They have a boat with a motor.

Families are for losers like Boss Baby.

- [door bursts open]
- Marsha Krinkle here, following a tip

that the blankets used to keep
the tots toasty here at Itty Bitty's

are filled with used staples
instead of regular blanket stuffing!

Aha!

Uh... well, this is...

one of the softest blankets
I've ever felt.

Geez, wouldn't mind one of these babies
in my house, heh.

I meant baby blankets.

Keep your peepers to yourself, kid.

[scoffs] Let's go, Rosie.

- We'll bust this place sooner or later.
- [door closes]

- I think she likes you!
- [screams]

- Magnus?
- Yeah, I said I made a couple of calls.

- That was the other one.
- [scoffs]

Still working for Baby Corp?

I accepted a transfer!

I am haunted by memories!

You should be, like the memory
of when you were a stinky butt-traitor

who tattled on me to the board of...
goo-ga-kai... yow!

[shouting gibberish]

- [bones crack]
- Ow!

- [Mega Fat crying]
- I only ever wanted you to find joy!

Aah! Oof!

Yeah, except we're not doing that.

We're doing revenge on Boss Baby.

Buh-bye-ski!

[Donald whooping]

[laughing]

[slurring] I don't answer to you
or to anybody!

Whoopsie-doopsie.

That one's a closet. Noted.

Buh-bye-ski!

"And when little lost gorilla
looked around,

he was all alone."

- [spits]
- Ugh!

What the...?

- [squishing]
- Is that a note?

"It's time to settle this.

Meet me in the stacks
to face your number one enemy, MF."

Who's MF?

Ha, as if you haven't been sweating
in constant terror

of this payback smack party.

Only one guy it could be, Boss...

Mr. Frederic.

[gasps] Estes? He's here?

No, it's me! Me!

Mega Fat. MF!

Makes sense.

I can't think of any other
number one enemies with the initials MF.

[gasps] Oh!

- The note said "MF." How clear is that?
- [thumping, scraping]

Does he not even remember me?

If I was him,
I would be up all night like, "Oh, no,

that terrifying Mega Fat I helped fire
is probably out for revenge.

What should I do?
Also, unrelated, I'm a dumb-dumb!"

It's a high chair!
It's never going to spin circles, Donald!

What? No, nobody's spinning.
I don't even like that anymore.

[sobbing] Don't look at me!

Wha... Ooh!

Poison, rotten food being served
to puny, helpless babies?

I'm Marsha Krinkle,

and this facility is treating toddlers
to puke stew.

You see? Disgust... mm.

Actually, um... mm.

Hmm, that's not bad. [chuckles]

Mm, mm, and the... and the texture!

I mean, you don't even have to chew this.
[chuckles] Mm.

[gulps] Uh, excuse me. [laughs]

Really just holds its flavor, you know?

You guys aren't like dogs, are you?

I can give you chocolate, right?

[huffs] Another bust.

I'm starting to think you keep coming here
for more than just a great exposé.

Way too busy for a baby.

I-If that's what you were implying.

Erase that tape!

Mm! Mm!

Did you know that adults
carry candy in their pouches

that they can just give you?

Yes!

This boat, it doesn't have
a lame-o outboard motor does it?

Become a baby who deserves
an inboard motor!

[Bryce screaming]

[munching]

[exhales, giggling]

For the sake of giggles and hypotheticals,

what would it take for me
to become a good baby?

[birds chirping]

Breathe!

I'm pretty dang good at breathing already.

It's why I'm not dead right now.

- In!
- Fine. [inhales]

Envision a cloud enveloping you in calm!

- Out!
- [exhales]

Cool cloud, very fluffy.

Hooray, I'm a good baby!

Now, let's go rip
Boss Baby's happiness to pieces

before I settle for a boring family life!

Ooh!

What, man?

I did the breathing and everything!

This path is revenge!

This path is being a good baby!

You cannot have both
because they will never meet!

[zaps]

Mega Fat Formerly CEO
But Now Just Regular Baby,

Boss Baby has betrayed us to PuppyCo,

and our new CEO requests your assistance
to bring him to justice!

It is the right thing to do and also
would satisfy any desire you may have

for vengeance against your old nemesis.

[claps]

I stand corrected!

It is surprisingly easy
to bring two open hands together,

and it makes a satisfying clapping sound!

I accept!

[bell dings]

[rock music playing]

Oh... [speaking gibberish]

Snap! Rewind! It's a comeback!

Hello!

You must be the new CEO.

A-cha-cha-ta-ta-ta-ta. I know.

You're terrified Boss Baby
will stab you in the back

and send you down the firing chute.

I feel you, new CEO lady.

- Don't worry, Mega Fat is here.
- [Boss] Keep at it.

Whatever happens, I swear one thing:
I will not take the fall for this!

[Tim] And I swear one more thing:

I will not be getting new church slacks
from Junior Fancy's.

Not this day!

- Aah!
- Church slacks. Junior Fancy's.

Cooly-cool.
See you there with my Bossy posse!

Whoop! I've spooked him.

He'll be doing all he can
to avoid Junior Fancy's,

so let's find him
before he escapes for good.

Overturn every stroller!
Kick down every playhouse door!

We could also geolocate his chupie
with the chupie tracker!

That option!

[zaps]

[munches]

- Booshah!
- Aah!

- Aah!
- [all shouting]

Get off me!

I was set up!

[mock crying] "Oh, wah, wah!

Oh, I'm an excuse baby!"

Set up by who?

- It's ridicu-cray-cray!
- [Boss grunts]

- [Tim] Can we do donuts?
- [gasps] Oh...

[Ted] That's unsafe driving, Tim.

- What?
- [Janice] But the parking lot's empty.

Uh, nothing?

- [tires screeching]
- Whoa!

- Whoa!
- Whoa! [laughing]

Whoa, whoa, aah!

[shouting, groans]

That stopped being fun seconds ago!

Oh!

My body is fine, Magnus.

It's my entire being that's broken.

Explain further.

Boss Baby claims he was set up,
and at first, I was like,

"Sure, you were, buddy," wink wink liar.

"Nobody could have done that!
Come on!"

But there is someone who could have.

His new CEO.

This alone proves nothing!

I know, but back there,
hanging out of that car window

while throttling the bejeebers
out of my most hated foe,

I realized one other thing:

as annoying as Boss Baby is,

he would never betray Baby Corp.

You found the goodness
even in a hated enemy!

I know, I know, and it feels gross!

The paths of revenge and being a good baby

have once more diverged!

It is time to ask yourself
what kind of baby are you?

My money's on revenge baby, but, hey,
let's wing it and see what happens.

I love surprises!

[people shouting, fighting]

Mad-dog will bring the traitor down, sir!

- [barking]
- [sputtering]

Don't need those.

Boss Baby is innocent.

- What?
- Oh, twist!

I know! But, honestly, even I assumed
I'd take the path of evil.

But good job, me!

[zaps]

Today, you are ready to become
a good baby!

Where are you going?

You must navigate
the rest of this path without me!

But... you're my Magnus!

- [wind gusting]
- [wind chimes chiming]

You are the Magnus now!

- ♪ Honeybees, honeybees are so sweet ♪
- [Donald grunting]

♪ A good baby knows
How to change and how to grow ♪

♪ When a friend is doing bad
He lends a helping hand ♪

Finger goes from nose,
booger out, into mouth.

There, like that.

Delicious, right?

♪ A good baby shares
Even things that are not there ♪

♪ Like confidence and cheer ♪

- [shouting, laughing]
- ♪ A good baby sees ♪

♪ Good things in her enemies ♪

♪ She does all she can
To make her fiends into best friends ♪

Whatever you need, Guitar Baby,
know that I am here for...

goo-ga-kai kola-toe-sambala!

Whoa, my guitar.

Someday, you will thank me for this.

- Oh, yeah, we thank you.
- That's over!

- [bell rings]
- [babies gasping, murmuring]

[rumbling]

[baby] Yeah, yeah,
you're going to find somebody.

[breathes deeply]

I... I gooduated!

[laughing] Whoopsie-doopsie!

[laughs] Oh, wow,
I feel dizzy without being dizzy!

[laughs] Thanks for the help, Mega F...

Aw. Aw, geez.

I'm sorry. You didn't...

Gooduate? No, I did.

I am officially qualified to settle down
and be boring for life.

Congooduations!

Congooduations to you.

[munching]

Eh, poor kid.

[man] Is that our little captain?

[coos]

[babbles]

[babbles]

Oh!

[inhales]

- Ow! Geez, he's got a chomper growing!
- Uh? Ooh!

- [man] You want downsies?
- [woman] This is a frisky one!

[babbles]

[chuckles] You are a little devil-booger,
aren't ya?

What did I do wrong, honey?

[sighs] You think maybe
we're just not fit for a baby?

[Bryce] A rainbow shark!

[Mega Fat] Hey, Bryce.

Do just what I tell you
and you're home free.

Remember, "Mama, Papa," okay?

"Mama, Papa."

Yes.

I threw up all over my pajamas! [laughs]

Close enough.

Well, who's this sugar beet?

- Oh, he's a big captain!
- Bing!

- [chomps]
- Ow!

[giggles]

Love the sass, kid.

Ugh, bad boy devil-boogers
aren't that hard to parent, right?

Man alive, how does someone that small
cause so much pain and difficulty?

[stammers] I'm not sure

I'm the right journalist
to handle this story.

I'm sorry.

[woman] Welp, I guess
if we're getting a preschooler,

we don't need this company
for super simple baby raising.

"Bubbeezee, we make babies easy."

[gasps]

[sniffles] I mean, come on.

Imagine me with a baby, you know.

It's just crazy. Ha! You're crazy!

I'm Marsha Krinkle,
and I'm coo-coo bananas!

- [thumps]
- [screams, gasps]

There, just one signature,

plus the extensive background checks,
parental workshops, fees,

and paperwork that got me here,
but let's cut to the chase.

I'm Marsha Krinkle,
and I'm about to adopt this baby!

Back to you, Chaz!

Look at us, you little devil-booger.

Tell you what, I will be the best mother
Bubbeezee can help me be,

and all you have to do is promise to be
really easy and really good

all the time.

Like, constantly.

[coos]

Okay, it's a deal.

[Mega Fat] From that moment,
I have kept that promise to my mommy lady.

[babbles]

And you know what?
I actually enjoy being a good-boy baby.

[coos, laughs]

It makes her feel good,
and that makes me feel good.

[beeps]

[Mega Fat] So, why in the how-come heck
am I about to blow all these good vibes

by headbutting this puppy?

Aah, too late! My body is doing it!

[Marsha gasps] Baby, no!

[Mega Fat] Oops.

[theme music playing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪