01x02 - Women or Wives

[bunniefuu]

Sometimes a person looks at you,

and immediately, you know

you'll remember it till the day you die.

In that long month on the road,

we saw every corner of Cornwall.

Every town, every beach, every landscape.

But real life was going on elsewhere,

and I couldn't avoid it forever.

Conchita had spent the last month

trying to be a mother,

while I had spent it wondering

how on earth to be without one.

You haven't replied to any

of your sister's letters.

Four weeks since we left London,

and you've not once been yourself.

Well, maybe I'm not who you think I am.

Well, Conchita will be glad

of a relaxing weekend without the baby.

The house she's taken in Runnymede

is simply beautiful.

A weekend, just you girls.

And Conchita can put her feet up.

Goodness, what a lady you are.

All I've ever wanted to be.

So, dancing first, Honoria,

or are you desperate to start gambling?

I'll start the gambling.

I bet during that handstand,

you remembered it's only four weeks

since you gave birth.

Oh, my God. It's Nan. Come on!

Whoa.

Oh, my gosh. Are you actually here?

- Are you real?

- I am.

- Or might you go again?

- I am.

- Oh, my gosh.

- How are you?

Wrecked. A whole person

came out of me, and I'm ruined forever.

But Minnie's divine, and nobody even

looks at you once you're a mother, so--

Anyway, let's get a drink before

we melt into a puddle.

Lady Wild Times keeping watch.

Hi, Honoria.

The elegance.

I have no idea why my brother

leaves home so often.

- Would you like a drink?

- No, thank you.

I mean, what are we supposed to do?

Conchita, I need to talk to you

about something.

Leaving so suddenly

when you promised you'd be here?

I am sorry I wasn't here when--

I was a mess. I just wouldn't--

- You should have seen the state I was in.

- Can we just please go inside and talk?

You can't think how much

we have to tell you, Nan.

The ba*ls we've been to. The opera.

God. Opera's endless.

Mabel ripped her skirt and fell

on her face in front of lord somebody.

Well, Lizzy got bit by a spider

at the races, and Jinny's done nothing

- but dance with Lord Seadown.

- Three times, maybe four.

They're virtually engaged.

I mean, we're virtually sisters-in-law.

- Lizzy danced with Seadown too.

- Yeah. Once.

A whole weekend without mothers.

Now, we have the whole weekend

for whatever we like.

And as your chaperone, I insist

you behave exactly as I say.

First things first, down your drinks

and go down the lawn,

and spin as fast as ever as you can.

Go, go, go!

- Mother sends her love.

- Whose mother?

A whirlwind of fun, aren't they?

Look out!

Who's this? I thought it was just us.

Richard, what on earth are you doing?

Now she's calm.

Conchita.

Sorry to bring you all off course.

And you, such an accomplished rider,

Mr. Dawnly.

Well, look who it is.

Conchita, what are you playing at?

You're the one galloping

into our girls' weekend.

- You knew I was staying down the road.

- I'm here with my friends, Dicky.

- It's Seadown.

- Don't look.

Make a face

like I've said something smart.

But seeing as you're all here,

and we're all pretending

not to notice how sweaty we are

I hope we're not improper, Honoria.

- It's just, there'd be a fuss, that's all.

- There'd be more than a fuss.

It's one drink.

We're only being hospitable.

d*ck, I'm sorry

Miles can't control his horse.

But as you well know,

when a creature's born wild,

they're never truly to be tamed.

Now, it's such a scorching day.

And the question is,

once we've all had our one drink,

what else might we do that's refreshing?

Come on.

Come on!

Come on, Honoria!

Hi, Honoria.

Yes, but if it were to get out

that we were here unchaperoned--

What must Lord Seadown think?

- We'll get a reputation for--

- For what? Not being miserable?

- Well, I'm happy with that.

- There would be an almighty row,

- and you know it.

- Jinny,

you do know I'm married, right?

I'm chaperoning.

I'm a pillar of respectability.

I mean, I guess Miss Testvalley's

in the lodge.

Since when were we ever shy of a party?

Girls, have you not noticed?

We're not them. We're Americans.

When did we ever care

what people think of us?

I mean, the English are so fascinated

by their history.

Well, we have a history

of being fascinating.

It's time that they learn from us.

I didn't bring any party clothes.

I virtually just bought night clothes.

I'm sure Seadown won't complain.

Mabel, I only danced with him three times.

- Or four.

- Or four.

Jinny, imagine the relief

if we're in that family together.

I happened to bring some dresses.

Lizzy, you would look amazing in green.

Maybe you'll find someone

on your own tonight.

Imagine. Someone all my own.

Mabel.

Pour toi.

- I love it.

- It's gorgeous.

Nan, I have been feeling just awful

since that night. I wanted to--

Does Mother know that you told me?

No, of course not.

She'd be so horrified

about the whole thing.

You have no idea.

God, what was I thinking?

Suddenly it was all just

coming out of my mouth.

Are you apologizing for telling me

or for the 17 years of not telling me?

No, I'm apologizing

for my whole life, probably.

This is coming out wrong, Nan.

I practiced this.

I practiced this for weeks,

but I didn't have you to help me

by thinking of something funny

or smart to say

or always knowing

the right word to choose.

Nan, please say you'll forgive me.

You forgive people. It's what you do.

Well, you don't know me.

I don't know me. I could be anyone.

Hey, you are still Nan.

You're still my sister.

Let me help you, for heaven's sake.

Every time we giggled,

and every time we fought or lay in bed

and threw cookies up in the air,

you had a secret.

And my whole past is a lie.

And I have to tell Conchita.

And I have to tell mother. And I--

No, you mustn't tell anyone.

If anyone knows, if anyone finds out--

You say your past is a lie, Nan,

but your future, I mean, it won't exist.

- Our fu--

- But it's you who cares about that.

You've done this. You've ruined this,

and now you're asking me to what?

Just forget it. Just forget it, Nan.

It's like it never even happened.

I mean, what does it matter?

This isn't a quarrel about a ribbon,

Virginia, or being late to a party.

This is my whole life.

I feel hollow.

I am not the same Nan that I used to be,

and that's just a fact.

And you're only my half-sister,

so maybe you're only half sorry.

Nan.

- Conchie, can we please just talk--

- Nan, don't say I never think of you.

I have invited someone for you tonight.

What? This weekend wasn't

supposed to be about someones.

Nan, come on.

No. Why are you pretending

all this is an accident?

d*ck is staying right next door.

And the embarrassing

runaway horse charade.

- I need to talk to you, just you and I.

- Just you and I. Just you and I?

Like when I was giving birth

and terrified and alone.

Shouting for you. Screaming.

And you were on a beach.

I so desperately wanted to stay.

But I really need to talk to you.

- Nan, please just-- No, you listen to me.

- If you could just give me a second--

Any minute now,

you'll be back home in New York,

and I'll be back at that house with those

people and those walls and those silences.

Yes, I planned this weekend.

And England will be horrified, of course.

But that's perfect for England.

They love being horrified.

Everything d*ck adored about me,

his family now loathe.

You've seen English girls.

They just nod and obey and do embroidery.

We're like a whole other species.

But I love him, Nan.

I so love my husband.

And if I can't make him love me

the way he used to,

to remember who I am

and not just look at me

with disappointment,

then I shan't survive this.

So, will you help me?

Ever since the baby, I've just been so--

Anyway, I'm-- I need to make tonight work.

Goodness, Nan. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

We must keep our heads up

and our drinks down, mustn't we, darling?

Yes.

Mabel, Lizzy, Jinny.

You look divine, Mabel.

You look beautiful. You all look gorgeous.

Girls, isn't this just like old times?

Don't worry, I'm a married woman now.

And a mother.

So tonight will just be a quiet,

grown-up gathering.

Sophisticated and low-key.

Did you do it?

Look at Jinny, she's got

the whole room in her pocket.

Listen, d*ck, even your sister's

having more fun than you

Come on.

d*ck, your wife's got the moves.

I've seen her moves.

Not recently, you haven't.

And I've been working on a new one.

Everybody, look!

Conchita's doing her move!

Look and learn! Be the party!

Please? Fine.

Hello, love.

Are you gonna offer me one of those?

A drink?

Well, I don't know. What else is on offer?

In England, Miss St. George,

we find presumption unappealing.

- You're very beautiful.

- My nose was--

I'm sure you know that

from the admiring glances on every side.

Might I hope for a dance?

It's so hot. Can we go outside?

Darling, go out to the garden.

I'll be there soon.

He actually came.

Who?

The neighbor, Guy Thwarte.

He practically begged for an invitation.

Theodore, Miss Hopeleigh

is interested in nature.

You saw a

- Didn't you, Jean?

- A hedgehog. I did. Yes.

And was it prickly? Or

Yes. Very prickly.

Perhaps you might embroider it,

if I know you.

Imagine being a hedgehog on this estate.

Just hedge-hogging around, not realizing

you're in the presence of a duke.

Would you excuse me?

How? How can you be--

Conchita insisted.

Although, I must say, if I'd known

Nan St. George was going to be here,

I'd have worn protective headwear.

Hello.

I just want to see the garden.

Sometimes you just need to breathe,

don't you?

I've missed you.

I've missed us.

Just being near you.

Being able to talk to you.

I know. Ever since Minnie,

we just haven't had the--

Our little girl.

We have a baby.

A baby.

Conchita, let's do your move together,

shall we?

Seadown's hardly noticed me. Please?

Let's do it, the both of us, together.

- Come on. Please. Please, Conchie.

- Darling, you're drunk.

- Okay. Wait.

- Everybody, we're doing the move.

Conchita, we've seen your moves,

sit back down.

We're doing the move.

- Yes.

- Shall we, Conchie?

Yes.

He's still not looking.

Hey, darling, let's get you a drink.

You're still the beautiful one, okay?

Isn't she wonderful?

All right, guys. It's time. Sardines.

Mabel! Mabel! Mabel!

It's time! Sardines!

You're the best at hiding.

You hide first! Come on!

Okay. Let's go.

Has anything--

Since I last saw you,

has anything happened?

What do you mean?

You seem more still.

You're the first to notice.

How are you?

With your mother and everything?

I'm sorry, there is no "and everything."

How are you?

Everybody just goes on with life.

It's hard to accept them laughing

and smiling, isn't it?

Yeah.

And sometimes the thought of everyone

dancing and joking and talking about

cheese or whatever--

I do like cheese.

I mean, obviously that's a bad example,

but--

Yes. Good.

Your mother suddenly

not being there though, it is--

Sometimes the memory bubbles up.

Not having a mother, it's--

Yeah.

- Don't come in.

- Jinny?

You didn't lock it.

Yeah, well, would it stop you if I had?

Are you-- About Seadown and everything?

It's fine.

Only, he asked me to dance. He asked me.

And I would never

if I thought that you and him were--

Of course not. It's fine.

Because that comes first to me,

of course, our friendship.

Look, we're not engaged.

I'm not engaged to him,

as my mother reminds me

every four minutes.

The thing is, we don't know, do we?

We never know.

Jinny, what if this is our love story?

Mine and his.

Well, it's up to Seadown, isn't it?

In England,

they find presumption unappealing,

so he'll decide.

And I guess it depends whether

he's interested in beauty and charm or

Or what?

Well, whatever it is you're offering.

Girls! Sardines! Where are you?

We're all looking for Mabel.

Girls! The games are starting.

Mabel, we're coming.

- Come on.

- Downstairs.

Lizzy!

Where's that naughty sister of yours?

Can't you control her?

Mabel's the queen of hiding in corners.

Where did she go? Upstairs?

Hello.

I've been pretending

to look for your sister.

Have you?

I'm afraid

I've really been looking for you.

Well, maybe we should look together.

I like the stillness too, you know.

We've established, I hope,

that I'm a big fan of

the dropping-shoes-in-cakes

and climbing out of buildings

and the rest of it. Big fan.

But just strolling

and being still is also

I haven't climbed any buildings lately.

Does this look like

the sort of place Mabel might hide?

Well, perhaps we ought to check.

Nothing.

Do you wanna close the door?

You found me.

Sit over there.

- Do you wanna to sit here?

- Take off your dress.

It's not actually even my dress.

- We didn't know anybody else would be--

- Do you want to?

Take it off.

Take it off.

Slower.

I feel like you speak

a different language,

Conchita and the rest of you.

Loud.

That's Conchita's language.

It's like she's fearless.

She's magnificent.

Do you loathe her?

No.

But I don't think she understands

somebody choosing to be alone

any more than she understands

what a lord is.

Richard?

Well, he's just a man.

Conchita's herself.

Extraordinary to know

what that even means.

I think one day you just figure it out.

Was that your sister?

She's too busy

fighting Jinny over your brother.

What? Seadown?

They don't know him.

Well, I hear he's an enigma.

He's a monster.

Don't move a muscle.

London was over for me

when you went to Cornwall.

Was it?

Completely.

It was irrelevant since the person

I wanted to share it with was gone.

Well, that person from before,

from the ball, and so on,

she might actually be gone.

Hello. What are you--

- Watch out. Hide.

- I was looking for you.

What are you playing at, Laura?

It's a chaperone's job not to play.

What are you doing?

You told me to hide.

Are you waving at someone?

- No, this?

- Yes.

This is casual.

This is how I stand when I'm casual.

You're breezy.

Do you want some help?

Yes, please.

I'm sorry.

Why?

You just make me want to apologize.

For having your arm stuck on a trellis?

Nan, I've never met anyone

I find it so easy to be honest with.

Isn't that strange?

Shall we go to bed?

Maybe we can do better than that.

- What's better than bed?

- Come and see.

What is it, Nan?

Just Jinny blurted something out and

It's all just been too enormous,

and I just don't know what do with it all.

Might I help?

No, nobody can.

And Jinny said I mustn't tell anyone.

Anyone I tell will think less of me.

Well,

I think I've made it very clear already

that my opinion of you

is really very high.

Also, I have a little experience

of the world thinking badly of me.

Do you?

We've all done things we're not proud of.

My mother isn't my mother.

It's all ridiculous.

The fact is that

I am not who I thought I was.

Mother

Mrs. St. George, she forgave my daddy,

out loud at least, as she always does,

and she took me in.

But I don't know the full story.

Jinny just let it out,

and she's known this entire time.

They've all known this entire time.

That's almost the worst part of it.

The lying. The conspiring to lie.

The whole lot of them.

So, your birth wasn't--

Your mother and father weren't--

And people will judge

because that's just what they do.

But it's the secrets.

It's the whole life's worth of them.

I remember there was this girl

back in Saratoga,

and her name was Amy Fairchild,

and she was born out of wedlock,

and so the names that she got called.

But it was also

partly because of her hair,

which was all over the place,

and it wasn't helping her.

But there was just this face that people

pulled when her name was mentioned.

And at parties, she would sit at the side

and there was a circle around her

that no one would step into

because we all knew

what her life would end up being.

And she would never be normal

because how could she?

And now that's just-- And now that's me.

I am Amy Fairchild,

and some days

I can't be bothered with my hair,

but other days, I can spend hours at it.

But we're just all different, aren't we?

I am so sorry. I shouldn't have just--

S-- I'm--

- I didn't want you to feel that I was--

- Of course not.

It's fine.

- Should we just--

- Yes, it's getting late.

I should probably go. Yeah. I think we--

I think we should.

Lord Seadown has gone to bed.

He asked me to tell you

he'll see you at breakfast.

You've been practicing your moves.

Finally,

England's what I hoped it would be.

I don't wanna be Amy Fairchild.

Then don't.

Though you did bring a hairbrush,

didn't you?

It's looking a little

Oh, Nan.

We know together now, at least,

and I am entirely sorry.

I'm not just half sorry. I am fully sorry.

I'm blue with it.

Don't be blue

it'll clash with your dress.

Who was it if it wasn't Mother?

I don't know.

No, really.

There was a letter.

I was looking in Daddy's desk

for barley sugar,

but I just read bits of it.

I didn't see a name.

Just insults for Daddy and

arrangements for the money

that changed hands.

They bought me?

Yeah, well, Mother near exploded

when she found me looking at it.

Nan, I mean it,

if you talk to her, she'll--

- I mean, she'll--

- I won't.

Let's just close the box, all right? Yes?

Just not tell a soul,

and it'll be just like before.

Oh, Nan. I'm sorry.

- Morning.

- Morning.

Morning.

Nothing's real when you're away from home.

I knew it. I knew it, is the awful truth.

Before the wedding, I suspected

I would spend the rest of my life

apologizing for Conchita,

and I should've listened to my gut.

I think the fact is,

there are women and there are wives.

And New York was amazing,

of course it was, but it was pretending.

It was just like this is, pretending.

Pretending every day.

And in real life,

I just think Mother's right.

Conchita just doesn't fit.

And she never will.

But she's like an addiction.

And I'll love her my whole life.

I'll never stop.

I mean, how could I?

Anymore than I could stop breathing.

Nan, darling.

Last night

were you watching d*ck's face

as I was dancing?

He did love it, didn't he?

What's wrong?

I'm not the kind of wife

that needs him to notice my new gloves.

Of course not.

Or sit adoringly watching me sleep.

But I do watch my baby as she sleeps.

God.

Nan, ever since she was born,

I've been such a mess.

You know, she needs me,

and they won't even let me be with her.

And also, everything hurts,

and I just feel so--

Have you talked to d*ck?

Oh, Go--

I want him to desire me, not pity me.

Certainly not the absolute worst,

be ashamed of me.

I would have never gone to Cornwall

if they hadn't made me.

I know, Nan. Okay? I know.

I just need a new plan, and that's that.

Till then, I shall be all smiles.

He mustn't see he's breaking me.

Listen, Nan,

when you start looking for someone,

if that day ever comes,

try to find someone

who doesn't want you to pretend.

Someone I can trust

and tell my secrets to.

Who listens.

And someone who understands

what I need to hear.

Darling Nan, I do love you,

but I think you might have to lower

your expectations.

Just a tiny bit.

Hey, can we talk?

Look, it's all right. It's fine.

No, but it's not what--

Listen, it doesn't matter. Really.

- Of course he'd choose you.

- He didn't, though.

Nothing happened.

It's never gonna be anything more than--

Look, it's over.

- That was shocking.

- Not bad.

Champagne. It's 11:00 a.m.,

we've waited long enough.

- Yes, we have.

- Well done.

It went early!

Did you see that, d*ck?

Yeah, I'm afraid my husband

doesn't know how to satisfy me

when it comes to my morning champagne.

Miss St. George.

May I?

I've enjoyed, Miss St. George,

the opportunity of making

your acquaintance these past weeks.

I've long waited to meet someone who

might put me in a marrying frame of mind.

Might you--

Might you agree to be my wife?

- Do you mean it?

- I mean it entirely.

- Then yes.

- Yes?

I agree. I quite agree.

It's fine.

You will ask me again

when Mother's nearby to hear, won't you?

Nan.

Congratulations.

Surprise.

Nan, I'm getting married!

- Conchita.

- Congratulations!

- We're gonna be wives.

- Oh, my God.

Jinny.

I am so glad that you are back to yourself

after last night's silliness.

Yeah. Back to normal.

- Can you believe it?

- Good.

I told you

Champagne.

And I'll have a sister-in-law.

Jinny and I will be sisters.

- I hope you don't think--

- Are you sure you--

Congratulations, Jinny.

A lord.

- I'm sorry that I--

- No

I am.

I'm sorry.

But listen.

After everything, I wonder if Seadown--

I mean, I wonder if--

When you're imagining

how it might be to be married to him.

Well, I shall marry him and report back.

Right.

Are you sure?

You're really sure?

- Nothing happened last night.

- Nothing happened.

That's what you said.

I just--

I would so hate for you

to be disappointed.

Don't spoil it for me, Lizzy.

After all this time,

it's usually Nan overshadowing things,

but she's been quite wonderful, in fact.

Can't you just be pleased for me?

At least for today?

Theo.

Hello there.

Hello. What are you doing here?

This is very unlike me indeed.

I tracked you down

all the way from Cornwall.

- Meet me at the gate.

- Okay.

Sir, madam, you have to come.

The Duke of Tintagel's carriage

is on the drive.

The Duke? What's he doing here?

Poor Jinny.

He turns up just as she's off the shelf.

- Quick, let's go.

- Let's go.

Why would the Duke be coming to Runnymede?

Where's Nan?

- Oh, my God.

- Come on, Conchita.

- How are you, actually?

- I'm well. Much better now.

- I struggled to find you at first.

- Yes.

Where have you been?

Just there.

At my friend's endless party.

And if they were here with us now,

your friends,

who would you tell them I was?

Well, just an artist friend of mine

who likes skulking round hedges.

You'd be within your rights

to have me arrested.

Perhaps, but I am--

I'm impossibly pleased to see you.

So, let's just go for a walk first,

and then maybe I'll call

the authorities afterwards.

Nan, I need to-- Please--

You said you wished

you could stay in Cornwall forever.

I did.

- And you're not interested in fuss?

- Not one bit.

Which is very unusual, I find.

Girls I generally meet don't think

or talk so freely or so passionately.

And they wouldn't care for me

being just an artist.

- Particularly a bad one.

- You're a wonderful artist.

The fact is, I--

I must speak,

before everyone comes and it's all ruined.

I could pretend I was just passing today

or had some kind of garden fascination.

But the truth is,

I set off from Tintagel at first light

with a quite deliberate intention.

This is ridiculous, of course.

And I apologize,

the speed of it and everything.

But I have to.

It feels essential.

I think you're extraordinary. Truly.

And on the beach, the two of us had this--

Well,

it felt perhaps like you felt it too.

Maybe.

And if we agreed

that we might always swim in the sea,

hiding from life's nonsense,

not caring what anyone else thinks

Might you do me the honor

of being my wife?