[sirens and traffic
in the distance]
[crowd chatters]
[audience cheers]
[melodic piano music plays]
[audience cheers]
It's 3 A.M in the Bronx,
New York.
I'm on the corner 187
and Belmont.
I hear a million voices
in my head,
and one voice in particular.
His name was Sonny,
and he stood right here,
right under
this lamp post here.
I can still see him
calling me now.
Come here, kid.
I love this kid.
Look at this kid.
Let him through.
Come here, kid.
187th and Belmont.
This was his neighborhood.
[chuckles] A doo wop group, sang
right in that alleyway there.
Four guys, Carlo, Freddie,
Angelo, and a guy named Dion.
They got their name
from the street sign.
They were called
Dion in the Belmonts,
and they could sing better
than anybody I ever heard.
I used to listen to them
when I was a kid. I did,
from my fifth floor window.
This is my building,
right here, my building.
This is my stoop.
[audience laughs]
My stoop.
I grew up right over
this drugstore here.
But, excuse me.
I mean, it was a drugstore
when I was a kid,
and two doors down
was a bookie joint.
Then there was
the hardware store,
and two more doors down
was another bookie joint.
Then there was the bakery,
and two more doors down
was another bookie joint.
[audience laughs]
And on warm summer nights,
all through the neighborhood,
you would hear the sounds
of young Italian men
romancing their women.
Marie, get in the f*cking car!
[audience laughs]
My name is Calogero Lorenzo
Alfredo Romano Palminteri.
[audience cheers]
My mother is Rosina Christina
Maria Sofia Palminteri.
My father is Lorenzo Giacomo
Paulo Antonio Palminteri.
Now, just ask yourselves
one question.
Are all these names necessary?
[audience laughs]
My mother.
My mother used
to love to have company
over the house
day in and day out.
She loved her girlfriends
over every single day.
Now, my father was
totally different, you see.
My father drove a city bus
eight hours a day.
His bus route was 187th Street.
I would see him go back
and forth in front of my house.
I would watch him
from my window.
Sometimes I would
even ride with him.
When he came home, he didn't
want anybody in the house,
especially
my mother's girlfriends.
So, he figured out
a way to get rid of them.
He would come in the house,
see the girls...
Hmm. Go into the bedroom,
take off his pants,
[audience laughs]
come out with his underwear on.
Rosina, how about a beer?
Oh, Rosina! All the girls,
foof, right out of the house.
[audience laughs]
[jazz music plays]
Yeah.
Play among the stars
And right next
to the stoop was the bar.
And it was called the Chez Joey.
And that's where
all the wise guys hung out.
And it was owned
by a guy named Rudy Ice.
They called him Rudy Ice because
they said he was so smooth.
It always looked like
Rudy was on ice skates.
And he would skate
through the bar
and sing to all the girls.
Give her a drink,
give those girls a drink
Give my girls a drink
And Rudy wore
those Tom Jones shirts.
You know, remember
those big puffy, puffy sleeves?
Cut down to here
with the high, high collar.
If you dropped him off
a building, he could fly.
And Rudy was
a frustrated singer.
But Sonny would never
let him sing with the band.
So just for spite,
Rudy would never utter
a spoken word.
He would only sing it.
Hey Rudy,
what's the weather like?
Hey, it's cloudy
with a chance of rain
Sonny would:
[claps]
smack him upside the head
and lock him in the bathroom.
[audience laughs]
And there was Eddie Mush.
Now, Eddie Mush was
a degenerate gambler.
He was also the biggest loser
in the whole world.
They called him Eddie Mush
because everything
he touched turned to mush.
I mean, he was such a loser
that he would
go to the racetrack
and the teller would give him
his tickets already ripped up.
[audience laughs]
What a jinx he was.
And Frankie Coffee Cake.
They called him Coffee Cake
because his whole face
was covered with acne.
And he looked
like a Drake's coffee cake.
[audience laughs]
Frankie was tough to look at.
And JoJo the Whale
five foot three,
400 pounds like this.
[breathes heavily]
[grunts]
[breathes heavily, grunts]
As they say,
you didn't walk with JoJo,
you walked among him.
[audience laughs]
If you stared
at JoJo long enough,
you would see him
get fatter by the hour.
Legend has it, his shadow
once k*lled a dog.
[audience laughs]
And Jimmy 10 to 2.
Jimmy 10 to 2.
He was one
of Sonny's bodyguards.
They called him 10
to 2 because his feet
always pointed like the clock,
like 10 to 2, like this.
Many, many years later,
he got shot in the leg
and they called him 20 after.
[audience laughs]
[Chazz chuckles]
But right here
right on this spot here
stood the man.
[footsteps]
Sonny,
the number one man
in the whole neighborhood.
Shark skin suit,
diamond pinky ring.
Sonny had five fingers,
but he only used three.
[sniffs]
[audience laughs]
There was a guy on his left
and a guy on his right.
Jimmy and Bobo.
And they were his bodyguards.
They looked like
refrigerators with heads.
[audience laughs]
And Sonny would just stand there
and nod his head
to all of the old ladies walking
by with their shopping.
[sniffs]
And they treated him
like a god.
And in that neighborhood,
he was a god.
And I would just sit
on my stoop just 10 feet away.
10 feet away.
And I would watch him
all day and all night.
But he never,
ever looked at me, never.
Until one day.
[claps] 1960, the New York
Yankees were playing
the Pittsburgh Pirates
in the World Series.
And Mickey Mantle
was like a god to me.
America was involved
in a Cold w*r,
but we weren't afraid.
We had a young new president,
John Fitzgerald Kennedy,
and he promised us
a bright new tomorrow
The Space Age.
Soon a man would be
walking on the moon, he said.
Because it was of no concern
in my neighborhood,
we were still mourning
the breakup
of Dion and the Belmonts.
[audience laughs]
Eh. Even back then,
the Bronx had their priorities
straight, right?
And me.
What was I doing in 1960?
I would sit on my stoop
night and day and day and night,
and I would watch
you know who.
And in 1960
I was nine years old.
[chime sounds]
[somber music plays]
I could smell my mom's sauce
coming down through the halls.
And I run upstairs,
and she'd be cooking it
with that broken wooden spoon.
And then she'd rip
a piece of Italian bread off
and dip it in the sauce
and give it to me.
And then kiss me
on my forehead.
And then I run back downstairs
with my Mickey Mantle
baseball cards.
[horse gaits]
Hey, there's Phil the Peddler.
Phil the Peddler
with his horse and wagon
and all the fruits
and vegetables piled up on top.
Phil?
Phil?
And Phil would hold
the horse by the reins,
and he would drag his right leg.
W.W.2 used to say,
and he called everybody Mary
no matter who you were,
male or female,
young or old,
to Phil you were Mary.
Don't touch
those peaches, Mary.
Watch those onions, Mary.
Three for a dollar,
you bunch of Mary's.
And we would run in the street
and tease his horse.
Nahhhh.
[blows raspberry]
Get the hell you g*dd*mn
little marries.
I'll give you
a kick up your asses,
you son of a b*tches you.
Yeah, get the, hello, Sonny.
How are you today, Sonny?
I got a nice peach
for you today, Sonny.
Here you go, Sonny.
[sniffs]
I hate peaches.
[audience laughs]
[claps] September 16th, 1960,
the day I've been waiting for,
the day Sonny
finally looked at me.
Hey man,
there's a parking space
right in front of my house.
I don't believe this.
Uh-oh,
there's a guy backing in,
another guy trying
to sneak in behind him.
What, is he gonna be
a beef now, man?
Beep, beep, aha,
beep, beep, beep.
Hey, that guy's got
a baseball bat, man.
What is he doing
with a baseball bat?
The guy in the first car
got out with a baseball bat,
came over and...
[thuds]
smashed the window
of the guy in the back
trying to sneak in behind him.
The bat went through
the window into the guy's head.
The guy got out of the car,
his face was covered with blood.
The guy with the baseball bat
went to hit him again.
All of a sudden,
I heard two shots.
[two g*n shots]
[thuds]
The guy with the bat fell dead.
I looked up and
Sonny was standing there
with a g*n in his hand.
He ran over
to protect his friend
who got hit
with the baseball bat.
And then over
his right shoulder,
he saw me staring at him.
And he turned
with a g*n in his hand
and for the very first time,
he stared right at me.
I mean, he looked
right into my eyes
and I looked
right into his man.
All of a sudden, I went deaf.
I couldn't hear.
I lost focus.
And then Sonny
took out a handkerchief
and he put it on
his friend's forehead
to stop the bleeding.
And he handed
his body guards the g*n
and he told them to get
his friend out of there
and they all jumped
into the car and they sped away.
[tires squeal]
Except me,
Sonny, and the body.
And then like a giant crane
just came down
and scooped me up.
My father had me by my arm
and he was dragging me
up the steps
[pants] and I heard my mother
screaming from the top floor.
Is he all right?
Is he all right?
[claps] And when I got to
the top, she started feeling me.
Is he hit? Is he hit?
Oh my God
I'm okay, mommy,
please don't cry.
[sobs] Mommy, please don't cry.
Daddy, Daddy,
he shot him, Daddy.
I saw it, Daddy.
Sonny shot him
in the head, Daddy.
I saw it right
in the face, Daddy.
[cries]
Why Daddy?
It was just
a parking space, Daddy.
Why?
It was just a parking space.
Wasn't the parking space, son.
They just met at the wrong time
in their lives.
[knocks]
Who is it?
It's the police. Shhh.
[door opens] Yes, officer.
No, my son knows nothing, sir.
I said, my son
I know everything, Daddy.
I saw it all.
[audience laughs]
[bursts into laughter]
You know, kids,
they like to exaggerate.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
The cop, my father, and me,
we walked down
the five flights.
And up against the side
of my building were five guys.
And I knew every one of them.
The cop was on my left.
My father was on my right,
holding my hand.
And the policeman just wanted me
to identify the man
who pulled the trigger.
And the whole
neighborhood was there.
Then we walked down the line.
Harry?
Wasn't him, sir.
JoJo?
Not him, sir.
Eddie Mush?
Wasn't him, sir.
Frankie Coffee Cake, oof.
[audience laughs]
Wasn't him, sir.
Sonny?
I felt my father's hand
sweat in mine.
It wasn't him, sir.
Satisfied now, officer?
I told you
he didn't see anything.
Come on, son. Let's go home.
We turned to walk back
in the hallway.
And I turned to look.
And Sonny gave me a gesture.
[audience laughs]
And I gave him a gesture.
[audience laughs]
When I got back in the hallway,
my father looked at me.
Are you okay, son?
Daddy, Daddy,
we fooled him, right?
Yes, son, we fooled him.
I didn't rat Daddy, right?
I didn't rat.
No, no, son, you didn't rat.
I did a good thing, right, dad?
That was a good thing, right?
You did a good thing
for a bad man, son.
I did a good thing
for a bad man.
I didn't understand that.
Not at nine years old.
I mean, the lowest thing
anybody could be
in my neighborhood was a rat.
And I
didn't wanna be a rat.
The day after the k*lling,
my father insisted
that I ride the bus with him.
[gentle piano music plays]
I used to love to ride
the bus with my father.
I would sit right behind him,
and he would have
that little transistor radio
hanging on
that hook by his ear.
And we would listen
to his jazz together.
And everybody loved
my father, white or black.
It didn't matter.
And he loved everybody.
And as all those people
walked on his bus,
Hey Lorenzo Bonjourno.
Hey Lorenzo brother,
what's happening, baby?
Lorenzo, come stai ?
I was so proud of my father.
His uniform was always
so neat and clean and spotless,
and his top button
was always closed.
Even if it was 99 degrees,
my dad never
wanted to look sloppy.
We took that big
number 12 bus to the last stop,
which was City Island.
[bus stops and door opens]
And we got out,
and we walked along
the pier together.
So tell me something.
[seagulls squawk]
Who's the last player
to win the Triple Crown?
Mickey Mantle, Daddy.
350 batting average,
130 RBIs, and 52 homers.
Right, Pop, that's right, son.
And who do I think
is the greatest ballplayer
that ever lived?
Joe DiMaggio Daddy
56 game hitting streak.
Nobody beat that, right, Pop?
That's right, son,
nobody beat that.
And do you know
why Joe D was so great?
Because he was Italian?
Well,
[audience laughs]
that's part of it, I think.
It's because he had talent,
and he used it.
Do I have talent, Daddy? Do I?
Of course you do, son.
But what could I be, dad?
What could I be?
Anything you wanna be.
Just remember
what I'm telling you.
The saddest thing
in life is wasted talent.
Don't waste yours,
promise me.
I promise, Daddy.
Okay, come on, I'll take you
for an ice cream, okay?
Let's get home, all right?
[claps]
Got back to the neighborhood.
I jumped off my dad's bus.
I waved goodbye to him.
My mom was looking
out that fifth floor window.
I ran up those five flights.
Mommy, mommy.
Daddy bought me
an ice cream, mom.
And he said
that I had talent.
[audience laughs]
That night,
I started thinking about
what happened on the stoop.
And I realized that I lied,
and a man had died.
And I committed a mortal sin.
And I didn't want
my soul to burn in hell.
So I just said, hey,
I'll just go to confession
and cleanse my soul.
["Ave Maria"
by The Daughters of Saint Paul]
Bless me Father,
for I have sinned.
This has been one month
since my last confession,
and these are my sins.
I missed mass on Sunday once.
I ate meat on Friday twice.
I lied about witnessing
a m*rder once.
[audience laughs]
It was only once, Father,
why are you yelling at me?
The fifth? Yes, Father,
I know what the fifth is.
Yes, the fifth is
I refuse to answer
on the grounds
that it might incriminate me.
[audience laughs]
Excuse me?
Oh, what's
the fifth commandment?
I'm sorry, Father.
The fifth commandment is uh
Thou shall not k*ll.
Talk to who? The police?
Father, I ain't talking
to nobody, Father.
Listen, Father, your guy
is bigger than my guy up there.
But my guy is bigger
than your guy down here, Father.
And I ain't saying nothing, man.
Just forgive me,
that's all I ask.
Excuse me? Five Our Fathers
and five Hail Mary's?
For a m*rder rap, that's pretty
good, Father, thanks a lot.
[audience claps]
[laughs] I love church,
I felt great.
But then five hours later,
I was back on my stoop
and I wasn't feeling
too good again.
"Its swing and a high fly ball
going deep to left.
Can they do it?
Back to the wall
goes Berra, it is.
Over the fence, homerun.
The Pirates win..."
Bill Mazeroski, I hate him, man.
I hate that Bill Mazeroski.
And then I saw those
skinny black shoes next to mine.
And those
three fingers on my knee.
And I had a funny feeling
I knew who it was.
[sobs]
Hey kid, what's
the matter with you?
What are you crying about?
Sonny,
Bill Mazeroski
I hate him, man.
I hate that Bill Mazeroski.
He just hit a homerun
and the Pittsburgh Pirates
beat the Yankees
in a World Series.
Mickey Mantle, he was crying
in the dugout, Sonny.
He's gonna be so depressed.
Mickey Mantle,
he's gonna be depressed?
What the hell's
the matter with you, huh?
You think Mickey Mantel cares
if you live or die, huh?
Mantel makes $100,000 a year.
How much does your father make?
See if your father
can't pay the rent.
Go ask Mickey Mantel,
see what he tells you.
Come on, I'll take you
to Louis' for an egg cream
You forget all about this
Mickey Mantel stuff. Come on.
[claps] I walked
into the candy store with Sonny
and I never felt the same way
about Mickey Mantel again, ever.
[claps] I started spending
a lot of time with Sonny.
I would go to the bar
and I cut up the lemons
and the limes for the bartenders
and I'd make
all the guys cappuccino
and they would throw me
dollar tips.
But Sonny never treated me
like a gopher, never.
He always treated me
like an equal,
sometimes even
better than an equal.
I remember one time somebody
threw up in the bathroom
and Eddie Mush have walked out.
"Hey, Sonny,
should I tell the kid to get
the mop to clean it up?"
"No, Eddie, you get
the mop and you clean it up."
"Hey, Sonny, I'm a grown man.
Let the kid do it."
"Eddie, who's the biggest loser
in the whole world?"
"Me." "There's your answer."
"Then you get the mop
and you clean it up."
[audience laughs]
And one time JoJo the Whale
was talking about hitting me.
Now, JoJo was so fat
that he would have to take
a breath between each sentence
and he loved food so much
he would talk
about food all the time,
even when he was
describing a k*lling.
"Hey, Sonny, I took out
my biscuits, you know.
I put two cannolis
right into his squash,
bah-da-bing, bah-da-bing.
His melon opened up.
There was linguine
all over the place."
[laughs]
[audience laughs]
But the best times of all
were the crap games.
Because all the big wise guys
from all over the neighborhood
would come by.
Bobby B, Billy Baba,
Sandy Blue Eyes.
And I would sit
next to Sonny's side
and watch thousands of dollars
change hands back and forth.
One time Sonny's luck
wasn't doing too good.
[sound of dice rolls]
Look at this, I can't hit
a number today for my life.
I'm telling you, I'm jinxed.
Come here, kid. I want you
to throw the dice for me.
I don't know not to play dice.
You can do it.
Kid's are gonna throw my dice.
Anybody got a problem with that?
I didn't think so. Pass the dice
down. All right, baby,
you can do it.
Come on, go ahead.
Okay, Sonny. Okay.
[dice sounds]
First time I threw the dice,
I didn't even hit the back wall.
And the rule in dice is
at least one of the dice
have got to touch the back wall
or it's no toss.
And they all
started laughing at me.
"Hey, Sonny!
Your little provolone
got an arm like a wet noodle."
[audience laughs]
"Hey, Sonny,
that kid's a loser."
Hey, that boy's a loser
He's a loser
Everybody shut up.
You too, Rudy.
Stop your singing.
I warned you about that singing.
All right, give me the dice.
Pass it down. Pass it down.
This kid's a winner, this kid
I put 3,000 down.
Who's gonna bet with me?
Here.
[claps] 3,000.
Here.
Eddie Mush, no good.
Mush, I don't want
your money touching my money.
I don't want your money in the
same neighborhood as my money.
Why? Because you're
a f*cking jinx. That's why.
Oh, man, you never
hit a bet in your life.
Come on, get out of here.
Put it, look, do me a favor.
Jimmy, I feel like
I'm on a win streak here.
Get Eddie Mush,
lock him in the bedroom.
[audience laughs]
I don't give a sh*t
you don't wanna go in.
Put him in, this guy
can f*ck up a wet dream.
Get him out of
here.
Come on, baby, you can do it.
Give me a seven.
Go ahead, baby.
Give me seven.
Okay, Sonny.
Okay.
[dice sounds]
Choo.
Seven! Yeah, I tell you this,
kids are winner.
Give me the dice, pass
the dice down. Pass it down.
All right, baby.
I'll tell you what,
I put another 3,000 down.
[dealing cash] 3,000.
Jojo, you're breathing
all over me, you fat b*stard.
Back up.
Come on, you're k*lling me with
that garlic breath.
Back up.
Jimmy, get over here.
Do me a favor, get Jojo.
Lock him in the bedroom
with Mush.
[audience laughs]
What?
I don't give a sh*t
he can't fit. Put him in.
Squeeze him up and squeeze
that fat b*stard in there.
He's k*lling me over here.
Get him out of here.
Come on, baby, you can do it.
Give me another seven, kid.
Give me another seven.
Okay, Sonny. Okay.
[dice sounds]
Choo.
Yes, another seven.
Go ahead, Rudy, sing again.
I'll smack your face.
Give me the dice.
Give me the dice.
You can do it.
What do we got here?
What do we
got on this corner?
What do we got
on the floor here? Nine?
What do we got here? Six.
Give me the whole floor.
Give me both piles.
I'll take the whole floor.
Nine and six is 14.
I'll take the whole 14,000.
Anybody want
to piece of that 14?
Anybody here piece of that 14?
Anybody out there
piece of that 14?
[man 1] It's 15.
[chuckles]
[audience laughs]
Excuse me, sir, I don't know who
you are or what your name is,
but do yourself a favor.
Stand up and walk
yourself in a f*cking bathroom.
All right, get out of here.
[audience applauds]
[audience cheers]
[sniffs] All of a sudden you
want to be in show business.
Get the f*ck out of here.
[audience laughs]
Come on, baby, you can do it.
All right, I repeat,
I got the whole floor.
Nine and six is 14.
You can do it.
You can do it, baby, come on.
You can do it.
Now give me another seven,
come on now. Come on.
Okay, Sonny. Okay, Sonny.
I can do it. I can do it.
[dice sounds]
Four, all right.
Four is the point.
Nobody panic, nobody panic.
I'm sorry, Sonny.
Four is the point, it's okay.
The kid's panicking,
he throws seven.
Don't worry, we didn't lose.
Just relax. I'll tell you what.
I said the kid makes
the hard four.
Double-deuce
on the hard four.
Yeah, double-deuce.
[claps]
Double-deuce.
[claps]
Double-deuce.
Come on, baby, you can do it.
Come on, baby,
I want you to do it. Come on.
Don't worry, Sonny. This time I
can throw another seven.
No sevens! No sevens!
But I thought seven was good.
Not now. Oh, this kid's scaring
the sh*t out of me, this kid.
Listen to me.
It's not good now.
You need a
double-deuce, okay?
You can do it.
No, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Frankie Coffee Cake, no good.
I don't want his face
looking at that face
when he's throwing my dice.
Jimmy, come here.
Get a big towel from the bar,
put it over his head.
Do something. Come on.
[audience laughs]
What do you mean you don't want
a towel over your head?
It's embarrassing.
Oh, really?
Well, Mr. Coffee Cake,
fellas, you know what to do.
In the f*cking bathroom,
get him out of here.
[audience laughs]
Pick him up, out of here.
Come on,
get that
ugly b*stard out of here.
I spit when I see that face.
Come on, baby, you can do it.
Come on, baby.
Double-deuce.
Double-deuce, you can do it.
Okay, Sonny. Okay.
Double-deuce.
[pants] Okay.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.
Shh!
-[man 2] All right!
-Double-deuce!
Holy sh*t!
I love this kid.
Get over here. Come here, you!
Mua, mua, mua.
[sobs]
[audience laughs]
[kisses, sobs]
Nine.
Nine.
I made nine passes in a row.
I don't know
how much money Sonny won,
but when it was over.
Jimmy, grab that kid,
bring him over here.
Come here, C, get over here.
Come here.
Hey, I like the way
you throw my dice, kid.
But no disrespect
to your mother or father,
but we gotta do something
about your name.
Your name
was a little too big.
From now on,
we're gonna call you, uh,
C.
Yeah, C for Calogero.
[claps] And a C note for C.
Put this in your kick, don't
tell nobody where you got it.
Come on.
[claps]
That's $100, Sonny.
I never had $100
before in my life, man.
[scoffs] I never had
a partner before.
You never
mind that, that's okay.
Hey, Sonny,
could I come back tomorrow
and throw the dice
again for you?
[laughs] All right,
you come back tomorrow,
and you throw my dice,
all right?
I'm gonna tell everybody
in the neighborhood
you're with me from now on.
I'll see you tomorrow, C.
Sonny started
taking me everywhere.
And he started
introducing me to everybody
in the neighborhood
as his good friend.
And I noticed strange things
started happening.
Everywhere I went,
people were happy to see me.
They would pat me on my head
and call me by my new name,
even Phil the Peddler
who hated everybody.
Get the g*dd*mn peaches,
get away from the damn thing.
Get...
Hey, hey, C, C, how are you?
Hey, I got some nice peaches
for your mother now.
I don't have any money on me.
You don't need money
with me, boy.
Let me give you some
nice peaches for your mother.
Here you go. Here. Here.
You give those to your mother
now, you tell her no charge.
Whatever your mother
wants from now on, no charge.
You just tell Sonny that
I took care of you now, kid.
That's when it hit me,
[claps] like a smack
in the face.
It was because the Sonny
they were treating me so good.
I liked it.
[audience laughs]
[chuckles] I liked it a lot.
I had this feeling
of nine years old.
Like I could do
anything I want.
Like the world
was a big cookie jar.
And Sonny just lifted up
the cover and said,
dive in, kid, and I dove in.
And Sonny would always tell me,
come here, C, you're going
to the best school
in the whole wide world.
That's right.
The University
of Belmont Avenue.
But you got to stay in school,
make something out of yourself.
Don't hang around this
neighborhood your whole life.
Because I'm going
to teach you the street, kid.
This way you'd be twice
as smart as everybody else.
You'll stay by my side.
And I did stay by his side.
And everywhere
he walked, I walked.
[footsteps]
Everywhere he went, I went.
And I listened and I learned
and I felt like a sponge man.
But then one day
I overheard him say something.
He said
the working man was a sucker
and he would end up
a loser in the end.
Now that bothered me.
Because my father was
a working man
and he wasn't a sucker.
And he wasn't a loser.
And then one day
I came home from school
and my mother had a head down
and she was crying
on the kitchen table.
[sobs] And my father had
anger in his eyes, "Calogero."
What's this?
What's what, that?
This.
Your mother found this
behind your drawer.
Where did you get this?
That's money
that I've been saving, dad.
$1,200 you've been saving.
[audience laughs]
Did you become
a brain surgeon overnight, son?
No, Daddy, I worked for that.
Do we want things, what things?
Few things here, stop.
What things did you do?
Well, I worked the crap game.
What?
Well, Daddy, Sonny gave me.
Sonny.
Okay, Rosina?
I'm going down to the bar
and I'm gonna give this money
right back to Sonny.
My mother picked
her head right up.
Let's not make
any rash decisions.
[audience laughs]
Rosina, we don't need any
gangsters money in this house.
Calogero,
come with me, come on.
Daddy, don't say nothing
to Sonny. Daddy, please.
Daddy, I promised
I wouldn't say nothing.
Daddy, please, Sonny.
I would like to talk to you.
Hey, Lorenzo, how you doing?
Hello, C.
Hi, Sonny.
Sonny.
I want you to take
this money back.
We can't accept it.
No disrespect to you, Lorenzo,
but I didn't give it to you.
I gave it to your son.
He worked for it.
That's right, my son.
And I don't want my son
involved in your sh*t.
Excuse me.
But please,
I'm not a stupid man.
I'm warning you,
stay away from my son.
What'd you just say to me?
Jimmy, Jimmy, it's okay.
Bobo, take it easy.
Everybody relax, sit down.
I'll handle this.
Excuse me, Lorenzo.
What'd be your idea for,
you know,
you and I, we speak alone.
C, would you mind...
I'll speak to my own son.
Calogero, wait outside.
I walked outside,
but I put my ear near the door
so I could listen.
[claps]
First of all, Lorenzo,
you never ever speak to me
like that again,
that's number one.
Number two, I tell your son
do the right thing
to go to school,
to go to college.
Please, son, please.
It's not what you say.
It's what he sees.
The clothes, the cars,
the money, the women.
I tried to take my son to
a baseball game the other day.
And he said
he didn't want to go
because Mickey Mantle
wouldn't pay my rent.
Oh sh*t.
[claps]
[chuckles]
[audience laughs]
I don't believe it.
He told me you believed.
That's not funny, Sonny.
It's not funny
when your nine year old boy
has a bigger bank account
than you do.
That's not my problem,
Lorenzo, all right?
Because I'm sure
you remembered.
I offered you a job.
All you had to do
was carry my numbers
from one bus stop
to the next.
Nobody would suspect you
because of who you are.
It would've met another $150
a week in your kick.
[sniffs] But you said no to me.
You said no to me.
That's right, I did.
And I say no to you again.
You keep your money.
You couldn't corrupt me
and now you're trying
to corrupt my son.
What the hell is a
matter with you?
I treat that kid
like it's my son.
He's not your son.
Don't you yell at me.
Jimmy, get him out of here.
Jimmy...
I wash my hands of him.
Get him out of here, Jimmy.
[claps] Daddy, Daddy,
where's my money?
Daddy, never mind your money.
I left your money inside.
You what?
Daddy, I want my money.
Stop it.
I work for that money.
Stop it.
Daddy, it's a lot...
Stop it.
Daddy, please, Daddy.
[slaps]
[cries]
Daddy.
Daddy, why you hit me, Daddy?
Why? Why, Daddy?
I...
[sobs] Sonny's right, Daddy.
Sonny's right.
Working man's a sucker.
He's a sucker, dad.
Sonny's wrong.
It doesn't take much strength
to pull a trigger Calogero .
But try to get up
in the morning, day after day,
and feed three kids.
When you're on unemployment
and you gotta cash in
empty soda bottles to buy
a half pound of chopped meat,
let's see Sonny Boy
try that one.
And then we'll see
who the real tough guy is.
Your father's the tough guy.
The working man's the tough guy.
That man is no good.
Stop saying that, Daddy.
Everybody treats me so special
and I can go to Phil the Peddler
and get all the fruits
and vegetables I want
for free, Daddy. For free.
And mommy says we need it.
Never mind what mommy says.
That man is evil.
Stop saying that, Daddy.
How could he be evil?
They kiss his hand.
Let me show you, Daddy.
Stop it.
They kiss his hand, Daddy.
How could he be bad? How?
And they say,
good morning, Sonny.
And how are you, Sonny?
[pants]
Just like you on the bus.
When I ride the bus with you,
it was the same thing, right?
They love you.
It's not the same, son.
People don't love him.
They fear him.
There's a difference.
I don't understand, dad.
You will.
When you get older.
I'm sorry I hit you.
You just stay away
from that man.
You know I love you.
Come on. Let's go home.
[gentle music playing]
I never listened to my father
about staying away from Sonny.
[scoffs]
And Sonny and my father
never spoke a word
to each other ever again.
But I was only nine years old,
so how much time
could I really be with him?
But the bar was
right next to the stoop.
So I could sneak away
an hour there, an hour here.
One hour became two hours,
two hours became three.
Days, weeks, months
started to go by.
A total of eight years passed.
Eight years.
In those eight years, Sonny
became the capo di tutti capi ,
the most powerful
and feared man
on the whole Eastern Seaboard.
And I was his friend.
But I never really knew
how powerful Sonny really was.
Until one day, Sonny invited me
to a special crap game
at the Chez Joey.
And this time,
all the big wise guys
from all over
the country were there.
LA, Chicago, Detroit,
Miami, Las Vegas.
And here I was now,
the 17-year-old brash kid.
I come walking in, right?
[door opens]
Hey, how you doing, fellas?
Hey, how you doing, guys?
Hey, how you doing?
Hey, how you doing, fellas?
Hey.
[audience laughs]
And they all treated me
like a nobody.
And I was a nobody.
And all I saw was these
out-of-town big shot bosses
sitting in chairs holding court.
All I saw was
mouths moving at the same time.
[imitates chattering]
And I watched and I waited.
And I leaned against the wall.
Then all of a sudden,
[door opens]
the door swung open.
And somebody walked in.
And all these big shots
jumped up
and ran over to the door.
And they were hugging
and kissing somebody.
And I couldn't see who it was.
And I ran over.
And all of a sudden,
they opened up.
And I realized who it was.
It was my friend, Sonny.
And Sonny came
walking right over to me.
Hey C, everything all right?
Come here, get over here.
Hey, all you out of town
big shots. This is my boy.
Remember the kid I told you
about on the stoop years ago?
This is him, he's a good kid.
Stay the f*ck away from him,
all he is a good kid.
Listen to me, I got
some business to do, right?
As soon as I finish that,
me and you, we go and get
something to eat, all right?
You know I love you,
stay right here.
All of a sudden,
all these wise guys
who ignored me
when I first walked in,
they all started
running over to me.
Jesus Christ,
I can't believe it's you.
This is the kid, Louie,
why didn't somebody tell me?
Look at him, oh my god,
he looks just like Sonny.
Look at him. Oh, look at him.
[audience laughs]
Hey, you ever in Chicago
look me up.
You ever in LA give me a call.
Come to Las Vegas
and see a show.
Come to Miami and eat for free.
Come to Detroit
and meet my daughter.
[audience laughs]
Sonny just said
a few words to me
and I became a person again.
I liked it.
I liked it a lot.
[claps] It was now 1968.
Dion was on top of the charts
with Abraham Martin and John.
The Beatles were changing
the way we lived.
The Yankees were in last place
and I didn't give a sh*t.
[audience laughs]
All I cared about was
hanging out with my friends.
["Juanita" by Johnny Maestro]
Yeah. We would hang out
on that street corner
and sing those doo-wops.
Wah wah
Choo choo choo
Woo woo
Wah wah
Choo choo choo
Woo woo
And even though
doo-wop was dyin'
we wanted to keep it alive.
Juanita
Juanita
Juanita
Juanita
We were four Italian guys
but we wanted to dance
like the blacks.
Juanita, Juanita
Woo wah, choo choo choo
Juanita
[audience laughs]
Juanita, Juanita
Woo wah
Choo choo choo
We couldn't dance
so we did the same stuff
that every white group
did back then.
Oh I love you so
[audience laughs]
And we would hang out
on that street corner
day in and day out.
And I love those guys.
I loved every one of them.
You know why?
Because we all
wanted to be tough.
We all wanted to be
like Sonny and his crew.
So we picked up little
mannerisms
from each one of them.
There was this guy, Sally Arms.
Now Sally Arms
wouldn't move nothing.
Not his eyes,
not his mouth, nothing.
He'd just stand on
the corner and talk to Sonny.
Sonny, what do
you wanna do, Sonny?
You wanna go
to the track, Sonny?
I got a tip in
the fifth race, Sonny.
What do you wanna do, Sonny?
[chuckles]
And Bobby Bop, Bobby Bop.
Always bopping on the corner
and always fighting
with his girlfriend.
Yo, Marie, come on, wait up.
I swear to God,
she's just a friend.
Come on, Marie, wait up.
[audience laughs]
[laughs] And Mikey Gaga.
We called him Gaga
because he had cross eyes.
You never know
who he was talking to.
He would say, "Come here,
five guys would walk over."
[audience laughs]
And Gaga would do this.
And there I was
on the street corner.
I picked up all three habits.
[audience laughs]
And we would have
these very deep discussions.
How could you tell
if you really could trust
the girl?
If the girl you were
with was marriage material,
if she was trustworthy.
Now, my friend
Crazy Mario spoke.
Now, Mario was older
than all of us.
And Mario spoke
on the side of his mouth.
Hey, C.
The only way to trust a girl
is you gotta give her
the Mario test.
What does this guy...
Listen to me. I know
what I'm talking about.
Ziggy, Bobby, Vivi, Billy boy,
come here, get over here.
I'm older than you guys.
Listen to me.
Here's what you gotta do.
The Mario test can't fail.
It's foolproof.
First, you gotta
get your car washed.
You need a nice clean car
to do the test.
Then you drive to her house
and you pick her up, right?
Soon as she gets in the car,
you get right on the highway.
And you look for one of
those big 18 wheelers, you know?
Those big tractor trailers.
Listen to me.
You get your car
and you stay neck and neck.
Just stay right next
to that big truck, right?
And as you're driving,
you beep the horn,
and you wave
to the truck driver.
He waves back at you.
[car horn mimicking]
He's got to know you there,
fellas, for the test to work.
He's got to know you're there.
Then you put on a nice ballad
on the radio.
Ah. Sexy ballad, yeah.
Then you get your right hand
and you slip it
behind her head like this.
Now, gently but firmly,
as you drive
and keep watching the driver,
you start forcing her head down.
[audience laughs]
Force it.
Now she's gonna resist,
but hold on, hold on.
[audience laughs]
Keep watching the driver.
If you gotta let go
of the wheel, use two hands.
[audience laughs]
It's all right. Now.
If she goes down
on the old braciole,
knowing that the guy
in the 18-wheeler is watching,
[claps] she can't be trusted.
[audience laughs]
You're a sick man, Mario.
Listen to me.
[audience laughs]
I'm telling you right now,
I'm telling you, all these
neighborhood girls, they lie.
They lie. Oh, that's
something I never did.
I didn't even know what that is.
I never did that before.
I swear to...
They're liars,
and I can prove they're liars
because when they get
down there on the old salami,
you know what
I'm talking about.
They do this thing
with their hand and their hair.
You gotta watch them.
They get their hair
and they flip it
over their ear like that.
Now, when you see a girl
flip their hair over their ear
like that, that means
she's lying. She did it before.
[audience laughs]
Mario, you gotta talk
to somebody.
I'll pay for it, really.
[audience laughs]
And I'll tell you something.
You will never meet my sisters.
You hear me? Never.
[audience laughs]
Listen, I gotta go
see Sonny at the bar.
I'll talk to you guys later.
See you later.
Yo, Sonny, you want me?
Wait, hey, Louis Beans.
Hey, where's my $20, Louie?
Louie, Louie,
you son of a b*tch.
Go ahead, keep running away.
You owe me $20, Louie.
You can't dodge me forever,
you son of a b*tch.
What am I gonna
do with this guy, huh?
[claps] What the hell are
you yelling about now, huh?
Louis Beans, Sonny.
He owes me $20.
It's been two weeks now.
I cross the street.
He runs on the other side.
I come around the corner.
He sneaks around the other way.
I mean, should I whack
this kid or what?
[sniffs] What the hell is
a matter with you.
What if I've been teaching you
all these years, huh?
All right, come on.
First things first.
This guy, Louis Beans.
Is he a good friend of yours?
No, he's not a good friend.
No, he's an as*h*le.
But he owes me $20.
C, listen to me.
Forget the 20.
Look at it this way.
It costs you $20
to get rid of him.
He's never gonna
bother you again.
He's never gonna
ask you for money again.
He's out of your life for $20.
You got off cheap.
Forget about it.
[audience laughs]
You're right, Sonny.
Wow.
You're always right.
Of course I'm always right.
What's the matter with you?
Stay home.
Read a book once in a while.
[chuckles] Read a book, yeah.
Like you read?
Of course I read.
I did a lot of reading
at one time, I have you know.
You know. They sent me away
to college a few times.
You know what I'm saying, kid.
[audience laughs]
Where you gonna go?
In college, you either gotta
read or lift weights, you know.
So I used to read a lot.
Niccolo Machiavelli. Let me tell
you something right now.
C, if he was around today,
he'd be in my consigliere.
That's right.
This guy, availability.
That's what he always said.
A boss has
always gotta be available.
Why do you think I live
in this neighborhood, huh?
Why? I could afford to
live anywhere I wanna live.
You know why I live here?
Cause trouble is like a cancer.
When it's small like this,
it's easy to cut out
and get rid of.
But when you're not around
to see the trouble,
it gets bigger
and bigger and bigger
and then it eats the whole.
So the people
that see me here every day
that are on my side,
they feel safe.
Because they know I'm close.
And it gives them
more reason to love me.
But the people
that wanna do otherwise,
they think twice
because they know I'm close.
And it gives them
more reason to fear me.
Wow. Well, is it better
to be loved or feared?
That's a good question, C.
In my world,
it's better to be feared.
Cause fear lasts longer
than love.
Cause friendships that I bought
with money mean nothing.
You see how
when it's around here,
I make a joke,
everybody laughs.
I know I'm funny,
but I'm not that funny.
[scoffs] It's fear that
keeps them loyal to me.
But the trick,
the trick is not to be hated.
That's why I treat my men well,
but not too well.
Now I give them too much,
and they become
independent from me.
I give them just enough
where they need me,
but they don't hate me.
But how do you know
who to trust?
Ah, trust.
The only way you trust...
[engine revving up]
One second, yo Jimmy,
who are these guys?
What's going on over here?
[claps]
As Sonny and I were talking,
eight guys from a motorcycle
g*ng walked into the bar.
They used to have
long hair, beards, dirty,
motorcycle club jackets.
They were called the aliens.
They had a reputation
for breaking up bars.
And as they all walked in,
Sonny looked
at Jimmy and nodded.
Jimmy looked
at Bobo and nodded.
Bobo looked at
the bouncer and nodded.
The bouncer looked
at the bartender and nodded.
The bartender nodded
just for the hell of it.
[audience laughs]
And the guy
with the long red hair
and the red beard spoke.
Excuse me.
We like to get a few beers.
We've been on
the road a long time
and we're all kind of dry.
Maybe you could help
us out, sir.
You spoke like
a gentleman, you know.
I respect that.
A few beers, huh?
Jimmy, give them
their beers. Go ahead.
The bartender put
eight beers across the bar.
I was in the corner
watching the whole thing.
Man, I hope these guys
don't start no sh*t, man.
[audience laughs]
Holy sh*t.
They took
their bottles of beer.
They held them
high in the air.
They all stared at Sonny.
And then they turned
the bottles upside down
and they drenched
the whole bar and the floor.
And they all
started laughing.
Sonny walked over to
the man with the red beard.
[footsteps]
[tuts]
That wasn't
very nice, you know.
Now you and your friends
are gonna have to leave.
You see them colors, guinea?
We do what we want.
This is our place now, wop.
f*ck you.
You make us leave.
Sonny walked over
and pulled down the big shade
[curtain drawing sounds]
and bolted the door.
[thuds]
Now youse can't leave.
[audience applauds]
[whistle sounds]
I will never forget
the look on that man's face
when Sonny said
those words to him.
All eight
of their faces dropped.
All the strength and courage
was drained from their bodies.
You could see it in their eyes.
They realized they made
that fatal mistake.
This time they walked
into the wrong bar.
Sonny went in the back, came out
with all the bodyguards.
They had bats and pistols.
Bats over the head,
pistols across the face. [claps]
There was I in the corner.
I never raised my hands once,
but I did everything
but sell tickets.
All right, Sonny.
[audience laughs]
Okay, Sonny. Yeah.
And Rudy Ice was singing
all over the place.
Hey, you guys f*cked up now
[audience laughs]
Hey, hey, hey
You guys walked
into the wrong club
Sonny was knocking guys out.
Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo,
boo, boo, boo,
boo, boo, boo, boo.
Sonny, Sonny, Sonny,
boo, Rudy kept on singing.
They're about telling you
What the f*ck-up you made
[audience laughs]
Sonny started yelling,
"Rudy, Rudy, open the door.
Rudy, Rudy, the door."
Finally, Rudy
opened up the door
and they kicked them all
out into the street.
And they stomped
on their bikes
and stomped on their faces.
And Sonny grabbed
the guy with the red beard
and picked him up
from the concrete
by his bloody beard.
[grunts]
Huh, look at my face,
tough guy.
And remember me,
'cause my name is Sonny
and I'm the one
who did this to you.
[thuds]
And never mistake kindness
for weakness again.
Nice job, fellas.
Good job.
Rudy, give everybody drinks
with me inside.
And Rudy, I'm hungry.
What do we got to eat inside?
Apple peaches, pumpkin pie?
Get the f*cking...
Get the f*ck in there.
[audience cheers]
Jimmy, get in there and slap
that son of a b*tch, okay?
Why? Cause I'm knocking
guys out,
he's singing through
the whole f*cking fight.
[audience laughs]
Slap him around.
C, come on.
C, let them lay there.
The concrete's nice and cold,
it's good for them.
Let them lay there.
Come on inside.
All right, Sonny, I'm coming in.
I'll be right there.
I stayed there
just a little longer
after everybody went inside
to enjoy the victory.
Hey you guys?
Yeah, yeah, you over there.
Yeah, look at my face, huh?
You see my face?
You remember my face, all right?
Cause my name is C,
and I'm the guy
that almost did this to you.
[audience laughs]
Come on, get up,
I'll give you a f*cking slap.
Come on, I'm coming, Sonny.
I'll be right there, Sonny,
[claps] Cause that's all that
mattered in my neighborhood.
Who was the toughest?
Who was the strongest?
Who had the biggest reputation?
I'm telling you,
I used to walk through the halls
of my high school
with my shirt open,
just looking for trouble.
Me and my friends,
we'd walk
through the halls every day.
And every day, I would see
the same girl.
[melodic piano music plays]
I would see the same girl
in the halls every day,
but we never said
a word to each other,
cause she was always
with her friends,
and I was always with mine.
But I could tell
we liked each other.
You know how it is
when you smile with your eyes?
She was tall.
She was beautiful.
But she was black.
Black.
And that was a no-no
in my neighborhood.
[claps] Then one day,
I was leaving school,
and there she was.
She was standing
on the corner all by herself.
She was alone, and I was alone.
I said, okay, C, you gotta
be cool. You gotta be cool.
I got the cool walk down.
All right, yeah.
[audience laughs]
I started walking towards her.
My feet felt like
they were in wet cement.
I snuck up behind her.
I tapped her on the shoulder.
She turned she looked at me
I looked at her and said, hi.
Oh I'm sorry.
What's your name?
Jane? Jane. Oh, Jane.
That's a great name.
My name...
My name is Calogero.
But my friends call me C.
You can call me C.
What kind of name is that?
It, it, it's Italian.
Yeah, my family's from Sicily.
Where's Sicily?
Oh, it's a little island.
Oh. Excuse me, Jane,
are you waiting for someone?
You are.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't wanna bother you.
That's fine.
What, what?
You're waiting
for your brother?
Your brother? That's great.
[audience laughs]
What's great about it?
Uhm. I got two sisters.
I know what that's like
brother and sister. Very good.
[giggles] What? Movies?
You wanna go
to movies with me?
Why am I repeating
everything you're saying?
I don't know why. I'm a little
nervous. That's why.
When you wanna go
to movies now?
No, you can't go now.
That's right, you're waiting
for your brother now.
When you wanna go?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow's great.
Where do we meet?
Here.
Here's great.
I'll be waiting here
till tomorrow. No.
[audience laughs]
I'll meet you here tomorrow.
Okay, sounds good.
Tomorrow.
All right.
Bye... Jane.
Jane, I just wanna double check.
[chuckles]
Three o'clock here
at school tomorrow, right?
Okay, thanks.
Bye.
Oh sh*t, Sonny.
Sonny, I really gotta
talk to you, Sonny.
[claps] What's the matter?
What, what, what?
Sonny, I gotta talk to you.
It's important.
What's the matter? Ya need some
money, I'll give you some money
No, Sonny, no.
[pants]
This is serious.
Serious.
Somebody's bothering you. You
want me to string somebody out?
No, no, no, Sonny.
I met a girl. Hey, let me hear.
Let me hear. Let me hear.
[audience laughs]
Sonny, don't laugh.
I met a girl,
and I really like her a lot,
Sonny.
But,
[throat clearing]
you know, she's black.
[scoffs]
But I don't care, Sonny.
I really like her a lot.
C, you know I don't care
about things like that.
But you're my boy, and
I do worry about you, you know.
All I can tell you is
this neighborhood,
you know what I mean?
All these guys, they form
like one big personality,
you know what I'm saying?
All these heads, they mesh
together into one big brain.
And not a very smart one, like
a minus four sometimes, kid.
[audience laughs]
But my best advice to you
is you do what your heart
tells you to do.
Because if you go
against your heart,
you're
automatically wrong, kid.
It's like people
who marry for money,
never marry for money.
You know why? It never works.
Because you can't put
the money underneath the sheets.
And that's all that matters.
This is when two people
in the middle of the night,
and it's cold, and it's dark,
and you put your hand
under the covers,
and you grab
that person's hand,
and you tell them
how much you love them,
when there's nobody else around.
That's all that matters, C.
Because three, three, C,
each man is allowed three
great women in his lifetime.
That's all he gets.
They come along
like the great fighters,
once every 10 years,
Rocky Marchiano,
Sugar Ray Robinson, Joe Lewis.
Sometimes you get
your three all at once.
I had my three
when I was 14, that happens.
[audience laughs]
Now I can't find a great woman.
[scoffs]
I never know
if a woman likes me for me,
or what I represent.
That is a privilege that
I gave up that you still have.
Because when a girl likes you,
she likes you.
Wow, I never knew how great
it was to be a nobody.
You're not a nobody,
you're with me.
You go with this girl.
Maybe she's
your first great woman.
Thanks, Sonny,
I'm gonna go for it.
C. What?
C. What?
Come on, get over here.
This girl.
Can you trust this girl?
Well, I think so, I mean,
I'm gonna pick her up
at school tomorrow, why?
[sniffs] All right,
here's what we're gonna do.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna
lend you my car.
[giggles] But you never
lend anybody your car.
I'm gonna lend you my car.
Wait one second.
Hey, Mush, get out there
and wash that car
for this kid tomorrow.
All right, Mush is gonna watch
the car for you, all right?
It's gonna be nice and clean.
You're gonna have
a nice clean car.
So the first date,
you got a clean car,
and then
you give her the test.
[audience laughs]
Sonny, I can't do that, Sonny.
I can't, you've been talking
to Mario.
Mario, what the hell's
the matter with you?
You think I listened to
that psycho case on the corner?
Come on, he's
on a weekend pass.
[audience laughs]
I got my own test.
You give her the Sonny test.
What?
The Sonny test.
I'm gonna go through it
step by step for you, kid.
Listen to me,
this is what you do, right?
You get in my car,
it's gonna be nice and clean.
Follow me. You drive up
to the school, nice.
You get out of the car
and you lock both doors.
Make sure you lock both doors.
Then you take the keys
from your right hand
out of your pocket.
You throw them in the air,
[claps] catch them
in the left hand.
Shake them like this.
Women, they like that.
I don't know why,
but they like that.
[audience laughs]
Then your right hand goes here,
so she could put
her arm through there.
Women, they like that too.
I don't know why,
but they like it.
Then you gotta walk over to her,
but you gotta be cool.
The walk is cool,
but the feet are hot.
You gotta walk
like you're on hot cold,
but the body's cool, like this.
Watch, watch.
Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah.
[audience laughs]
You give her the arm,
she puts her arm through yours.
You take her back to the car.
Ooh, ah, ooh, ah.
Keys from the left hand
in the air.
[claps] Catch them
in the right hand.
Then you open the door for her.
Then you help her get in.
Then you close the door for her.
Then you walk
around the back of the car
and you look through
the rear window like this.
If she don't reach over
and lift up that button for you
so you can get in,
you dump her.
[audience laughs]
[audience applauds]
[audience cheers]
What?
Listen to me.
If she don't reach over
and lift up that button for you
so you can get in,
that means
she's a selfish broad.
And all you're seeing is
the tip of the iceberg, kid.
You dump her,
you dump her fast.
But, Sonny, what about
all the beautiful things
you just said to me?
The heart,
wind in my sails, three great--
That's all bullshit, kid.
[audience laughs]
The door test,
that's what counts.
Okay, Sonny.
[claps]
The next day
I was getting ready
for my date.
I was in the bathroom shaving,
my hair was combed,
my pants were pressed,
the Aqua Velva was waiting,
and my dad walked in.
Hello, son, where you going?
Hey, Pop, how you doing, Dad?
Hey, Dad, I got
a question for you.
You know Joey Lama
from up the block?
Well, he's dating
this black girl, Dad.
and the guys are giving him
a lot of sh*t.
What do you think about that?
Oh, you know how I feel
about that, son?
I get along with everybody
on the bus, white or black.
But I think in relationships,
we should stay with our own.
Now, I am not prejudiced...
Don't say not prejudiced, Dad.
I mean, you can't make
a statement like that
and say that, Pop, you know?
I mean, really.
I mean,
what would you do if I ever
dated a black girl, Dad?
What would you do?
Well, you would never do that.
Sometimes you just gotta do
what your heart tells you to do,
you know, Pop?
Yeah, well, when I see,
when I see Joey Lama,
I'll tell him that.
You do that, son.
And you tell
Joey Lama that sometimes
in the height of passion,
the little head tells
the big head what to do,
and the big head
should think twice.
You know I love you,
just be careful, son.
Yeah, Pop, I love you too, Dad.
Hey, Dad, Dad?
Dad?
[claps] I ran down
those five flights,
I ran over to the bar,
and there it was.
Sonny's car:
a 1968 fire engine red Cadillac,
white vinyl top,
white leather interior,
white spoke wheels,
not too gaudy.
[audience laughs]
Yeah.
I got in that car
I drove to the school
Where Jane was
I got out of the car
I locked the doors
Like Sonny said
Keys in the air, threw them
Yeah, like he said
Shook them right hand
Like Sonny said
And I walked over to Jane
Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh
Hey, Jane,
come on, I got a car.
What's the matter?
Why are you crying,
what happened?
What do you mean
you're not going, I got a car?
Your brother got beat up in
my neighbor, what does it got
to do with me? I don't know
anything about that.
Your brother wants
to talk to me, does your brother
here bring him over?
I'll talk to him.
Yeah, how you doing, man?
Hey. Yeah, what's your name?
Maybe I can straighten it out,
when I, whoa, whoa,
what the hell are you,
I never put my hands on you.
Jane, don't you walk away.
What, Jane, dude,
stay right there, Jane, Jane,
don't you tell me, you, you,
Jane, wait, don't, what?
I said, shut your mouth,
shut your f*cking n--
Jane, Jane, don't run away.
Hey man, you called me
a guinea.
I didn't.
[sighs] Stupid, stupid.
I got back in the car,
I drove back to the bar,
Sonny was standing
there waiting.
[claps] C, what's
the matter with you?
You're back in 10 minutes,
what kind of date was that?
Here's your key, Sonny,
I can't talk, I gotta go.
What happened, talk to me.
I can't talk.
What's the matter
with you, what up?
Please leave me alone.
Yo.
What the hell's
the matter with this kid?
I give this kid my car,
he's back in 10 minutes,
what the hell happened?
I don't know.
We're gonna run up the block,
come on, let's get in my car.
We go to the track,
I'll talk to him later.
[claps] I started walking
through the neighborhood
because I had hate in me,
because I got blamed
for something I didn't do
and I wanted
to hurt somebody.
I saw my friends on the corner,
I asked them what happened
and they told me,
they beat up these black guys
walking
through the neighborhood
and they were gonna go back now
and burn down their social club
and do them up
real good and they asked me
if I wanted to go.
I said, f*ck it, man.
If I'm gonna get blamed
for something, then I wanna go.
They said to meet them down
at the corner in 10 minutes.
I started
walking down the corner,
Sonny and the
bodyguards pulled up,
they jumped out of a car,
they threw me into a hallway.
Hey, hey, you guys know me,
what the hell's going on?
Come here, you.
When you took that car,
where did you go?
Whoa, Sonny, take it easy,
what's going on?
I'll tell you what's going on.
You drop off the car,
we all get in.
You run up the block
like a maniac,
we're on our way
to the track, all right?
We stop at a gas station
and get some gas,
cops pumping the gas,
pops the hood, checks the oil,
everybody ran away.
Everybody ran away.
There was a device on
the engine, kid, a device.
It didn't go off because
they said it was put together
by an amateur.
Now you tell me the truth,
since you had my car last.
[thuds]
[pants] Sonny, come on,
you're hurting me.
[pants]
Listen to me,
tell me the truth.
[sobs] Sonny, wait a minute,
I took the car, I went to--
Wait a second, you think
that I would try to hurt you?
Me? You know what,
my friends are waiting for me
on the corner, Sonny. I don't
want to talk to you right now.
Ah, Jimmy, oh,
Jimmy, Jimmy,
don't break my arm, Sonny,
he's gonna break my arm,
please.
That's enough, Jimmy.
What the hell's
the matter with you?
I would never hurt you.
You've been like a fa...
f*ck you, Sonny.
I ran out of the hallway,
I ran down the block.
My friends were waiting
for me on the corner.
There were two guys
in the back seat,
two guys in the front seat.
[claps] I jumped the back seat
in the middle.
[coughs]
[sobs] The smell of gasoline
went up my nose.
I looked down at my feet
and there was
all this Molotov c*ck
waiting to be lit.
Then Ziggy reached
over the front seat
and put a g*n on my hand.
He said, "Hey, C, take this,
you might need it."
And when I felt
that cold steel in my hand,
I realized what I did, man.
I went over the line,
I crossed the line.
Everybody was smiling in
that car and I was smiling too,
but I was dying inside.
I wanted to get out of that car,
but what was I gonna say?
I'm afraid, I'm scared,
I'm chicken.
They would call me a punk.
They would say I was a mutt.
I can never go back
to the neighborhood.
I kept hearing
my father's voice in my head.
Be careful, son.
Don't waste your talents, son.
Remember your promise, son.
I kept hearing Sonny's voice.
Be careful, C
These guys will hurt you, C
Get out of the neighborhood, C.
I'm telling you,
somebody pulled the chain
and my life was
going down the toilet.
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Oh my God, oh yeah.
I wanna sh**t somebody.
Yeah, I wanna be with you guys.
Yeah, I'm gonna sh**t, come on.
I wanna be a tough guy.
Yeah, no, yes,
no, no, yes, no, no.
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
Open the door.
Open the door, C.
[sobs] Sonny.
Get your hands off me, Ziggy.
Sonny.
Open this door.
Open it. Ziggy, open it!
Get outta the car.
Sonny, don't embarrass me.
Shut up and stay there.
All right, now
you guys know who I am.
So I'm only
gonna tell you this once.
You stay away
from this kid, you hear me?
You leave him out of your sh*t.
Mind your business, you.
I said mind your business.
Now get the f*ck outta here.
Jimmy, swing my car around.
You, get in my car.
I'm not gettin' in the car.
Ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, in the car.
What the hell's
the matter with you?
You hang out with those guys,
they're gonna get you k*lled.
They're my friends,
they told me not to worry.
They're your friends.
Friends like that
tell you not to worry,
that's just time
to start worrying.
What if I've been
teaching you all these years?
Yeah, teaching me.
Yeah, you were ready to k*ll me
there before with Jimmy.
You don't think I don't know?
You know, did you ever think
the b*mb was in the car
before you
that I coulda got k*lled?
Did you ever
think of that, Sonny?
You never thought
about that, did you?
Don't you trust anybody, Sonny?
No, I can't.
That's a sad way
to live, Sonny.
For me, it's the only way.
Well, not for me.
Just take me back to the bar.
We pulled up
in front of the bar
and Crazy Mario
came running over.
Hey, C,
some fine-looking black board
was just out
there looking for you.
I looked at Sonny
and Sonny looked at me.
You believe me now?
You believe me now,
there was a Jane, Sonny?
C, I'm sorry.
Nevermind that.
Which way she go, Mario?
She went down
187th Street near Belmont.
Hey, C, did you give
that broad my test?
Sick b*stard.
I ran down 187th Street.
I came up Belmont Avenue
looking for Jane.
Jane!
[gentle music plays]
Come here.
What are you
doing around here?
What?
Your brother told you
the truth?
I told you I had nothing to do
with that, didn't I tell you?
Jane, don't cry, it's okay.
Jane, it's okay, honey.
Listen, I'm sorry
what I said to your brother,
I didn't mean that.
You know,
he called me a guinea,
you know...
I'm so sorry.
What? Who?
Shut the window
and mind your business.
[window shuts]
It's okay, come on.
Give me your hand.
Yeah, give me your hand.
Yeah, right here. Come on,
give me your hand.
Jane and I, we walked down
Belmont Avenue
and we crossed Fordham Road
and we stopped
by the Botanical Gardens
and we sat down
on a park bench.
Jane, Jane.
[pants]
Did you ever really
love somebody and they hurt you?
No, no, no, I'm not in love
with another girl, no.
It's my friend, Sonny.
No, I'm not like that,
I like girls.
Wait a minute, no, no, no.
[audience laughs]
See, Sonny's like a boss
and somebody's trying
to k*ll him
and they don't know who it is.
And he thought that maybe
I had something to do with it.
And it broke my heart, Jane.
It broke my heart
because I thought he trusted me.
I mean, I was nine years old,
I saw him k...
I never said
nothing to nobody.
I saw things and heard things
all these years.
I never said nothing.
He doesn't trust me.
What?
You trust me?
You do?
I'm crazy about you.
I really am.
I think you're beautiful.
Do you know how to make sauce?
[audience laughs]
What are you laughing for?
All Italian guys
ask that question.
Really, you know how
to make sauce? Who taught you?
Your father, your father
knows how to make sauce, really?
I really wanna meet
your father one day.
When? When we go out,
because I'm not
letting you go this time.
Give me your hand,
give me your hand.
I'm crazy about you.
I really am.
[kisses] Really?
What are you, Jane?
What are you doing?
Come here.
Holy sh*t!
My friends, they're on the way
down to your brother's club.
They're gonna burn it down
to the ground.
We gotta stop them.
Come on, let's go.
What? You got a car?
Where's your car?
This your car?
Give me the keys.
Give me the keys.
Let me drive. Go ahead,
just get in. Hurry up.
[door opens]
[door closes]
She passed the test.
I don't believe. Look at this.
[audience applauds]
Holy sh*t. Oh. Ha.
Ah. I knew you were
one of the great ones.
What? Nevermind.
It's an Italian thing.
Forget about it.
[audience laughs]
What? Don't worry about it.
I know these guys.
I can stop the whole thing.
It's gonna be great.
It's a... Holy sh*t.
[siren wails]
What the hell
is going on back there?
Oh man, it looks like
a w*r zone.
Hm. Come on,
we can't get through.
Let me talk to the cop.
Let me talk to the cop.
Excuse me, officer.
I, yeah.
Yes, sir.
No, I know, sir,
but she lives on this block.
I have to get through.
But she lives here, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Jane he won't let us through.
Jane and I,
we got out of the car.
I grabbed her hand
and we started
walking up her block.
[fire flares up]
[pants]
[fire crackles]
When we got there,
there were cop cars and
fire engines all over the place.
[siren blares]
The car that I was in
was in a fireball in the middle
of the street burning.
The two guys in
the back seat were dead.
They were laying in the middle
of the street covered.
The two guys in the front seat
were in an ambulance
fighting for their lives.
I didn't know if I should
be happy that I was alive
or sad because two
of my friends had just died.
But one thing I knew
I was and that was grateful.
I was grateful
because my friend Sonny
pulled me out of that car.
Sonny.
Jane.
Jane, you don't understand.
I was in that car.
Jane, I was in,
that could be me.
I was in that car.
He doesn't even know
we stayed in my car.
Jane, I gotta go. I gotta go.
[gong sounds]
[pants]
I started running back
to the neighborhood.
I had to tell Sonny,
he didn't even know
he saved my life.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
I would have broke
my promise to my father.
I ran so hard.
I kept on running.
I saw the lights
in the neighborhood.
I started running harder.
[ominous music plays]
I saw the lights
at the Chez Joey.
I ran even harder.
[pants, cries]
I gotta tell Sonny.
I gotta tell him.
I didn't even know
if he was there.
I ran down the last block
and I went busting
[thuds, rattles]
through the door
of the Chez Joey.
And Dion was on the jukebox.
["Abraham, Martin
and John" by Dion]
Singing Abraham, Martin,
and John.
And everybody was there.
[indistinct chatter]
Bobo was there
and Sonny was there
and JoJo and Kobe,
Gage and Mush.
But they were all
at the end of the bar
and the place was packed
and I couldn't get through.
Sonny. Sonny, you don't know
what happened...
Wow, I love this kid.
Look at this kid.
Let him through.
Sonny, no, no,
leave me alone.
I don't wanna drink.
Sonny, I gotta talk.
Wow, I love this kid.
Come here. Let him through.
I love this kid.
There was
all these smiling faces.
But out of all these smiling
faces, there was this one face.
I couldn't understand why.
Why was I looking
at this one face?
Out of all
these smiling faces,
there was this one face
that I couldn't understand why.
I was looking at this one face
and then I realized why.
Because it wasn't smiling.
[chatter stops]
[pants]
There was a face coming from
the back and it wasn't smiling.
[pants]
And it stuck out.
Out of all these smiling faces,
it stuck out.
He was tall like me.
He was young like me.
He was dark like me.
And he had a g*n in his hand.
And nobody could see him
but me.
Because I was coming this way.
And they were all looking at me.
All of a sudden I went deaf.
I couldn't hear. I lost focus.
And then everything
turned into slow motion.
And I tried to warn Sonny
about the guy
coming with a g*n in his hand,
but he couldn't hear me.
[hush falling over]
[mouthing words silently]
[mouthing words silently]
[mouthing words silently]
[mouthing words silently]
[g*n shots]
No! [echoes]
Sonny!
[echoes]
[sound fades away]
I did a good thing, Daddy.
[sorrow music plays]
You did a good thing
for a bad man, son.
Who's the last player
to win the Triple Crown, son?
Mickey Mantle, Dad.
See if your father
can't pay the rent,
go ask Mickey Mantle.
See what he tells you.
Working man's a sucker, kid.
Working man's
the real tough guy, son.
Nobody cares.
Nobody cares.
The man who k*lled Sonny
was the son of the man
that Sonny k*lled
eight years earlier
in front of my house.
When I got to
the funeral parlor,
there were flowers
all over the place.
Gangsters have this thing
about flowers, you know.
They think whoever sends
the biggest assortment
of flowers cares the most.
[scoffs]
There was a line of old ladies
by the coffin dressed in black
having a contest.
Who could scream the loudest?
[audience laughs]
There was a van outside
with the FBI hiding in it.
And they were taking pictures
of all the wise guys walking in.
And all the wise guys
were yelling things like,
"Hey, give me one
eighth x ten for my wife
and 50 color wallet-sized
for my girlfriends."
[audience laughs]
[scoffs]
When I walked inside,
everybody was hugging,
kissing, and laughing,
and joking.
And it was just
like Sonny said it would be.
Nobody cares, C.
Nobody cares.
Sonny was always right.
Always.
I sat in back
at the funeral parlor,
and I waited
until everybody left.
And I was all alone with Sonny.
[exhales]
How you doing, Sonny?
Not too good, huh?
You know,
I read in the papers
that Mickey Mantle
is gonna retire now.
Who gives a sh*t, right?
Who cares?
She passed the test, Sonny.
Yeah. Maybe she'll be
my first great one, you know?
I'm gonna go for it.
I wanna thank you for that.
Listen, Sonny.
There's something
I gotta tell you before you go.
I hope you could hear me.
They all died, all of them.
Z, Bobby, V, Billy Boy,
they're all dead.
And I would have been
dead too if it wasn't for you.
You pulled me
out of that car, Sonny.
You did. You don't even know
you saved my life.
[sniffs] And now
you can't hear me.
Come on, I want him to hear me.
God, please.
[sobs]
Please, God,
make him hear me.
[cries]
I told my father what you did,
[sniffs] and my father cried.
But, excuse me.
[sniffs, sighs]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I thought I was alone.
I so can't care.
That's understandable.
Go ahead, finish up, go ahead.
[sobs]
This guy's a great man,
you know?
I don't care
what anybody says.
I love this guy. I love him.
You're the bus driver's boy,
right?
You're C.
Sonny spoke to me about you.
Sonny spoke to you about me?
I'm sorry, I don't know
who you are, sir.
My name's Carmine. Carmine.
I've been away a while.
[scoffs]
You don't remember me, do you?
Seven, eight years ago
in front of your house,
you were just a little boy.
You don't remember me?
I don't know you, sir.
Yes, you do, C.
You know me very well.
You remember this?
Come on, look.
Carmine, the baseball bat.
Your Sonny's best friend,
he saved your life too.
I was there, I saw
the whole thing.
The cops,
they came up the house...
I know all about it, C.
[chuckles]
Sonny told me what you did.
I want to thank you.
Listen, I'm going to be
in the neighborhood now,
taking over things a while.
[sniffs]
If you need anything,
anything,
you come by the bar,
you'll see me from now on, okay?
Well, my dad said
we're moving out, so
I think I'm going to give this
neighborhood a rest for a while.
You understand, right, Carmine?
Sure.
Carmine, he never saw it coming.
I tried to warn him.
I tried to warn him,
but he never knew.
He knew.
What do you mean he knew?
It was eight years ago, Carmine.
How could he know?
C, you know, Sonny,
he'd come up and visit me.
I said, you got to
be careful with these guys.
You know what he says to me?
[scoffs] He says, "Carmine,
revenge is a dish
served best cold.
Why worry?"
That's Sonny.
[kisses]
So long, my friend.
I will miss you.
And don't worry. I got it.
Remember what I said, kid.
You ever need anything.
You come and see me.
You know where to find me.
Take care of yourself, kid.
[footsteps]
So long, Carmine.
[door clicks]
Bye.
[door shuts]
[somber music plays]
[door opens]
Dad.
Dad, what are you doing here?
Here to pay my respects
to your friend, son.
Thanks, Dad.
It's okay.
Sonny, I...
I want to thank you
for saving my boy's life.
I never hated you, Sonny.
I guess I just never forgave you
for making my boy
grow up so fast.
May God have mercy on your soul.
I mean that.
I'll be outside, son.
You take your time.
Dad, wait.
Dad, I'm sorry
if I ever hurt you.
I love you, Daddy.
I love you so much.
I love you too, son.
I'll be outside.
I'll be right there, Pop.
I'm coming.
Sonny. Sonny, did you hear
what my father said?
He never hated you.
And I know
you respected him too,
because you never said
a bad word about him
to me or anybody else.
And I love you for that, Sonny.
I love you for that.
Because he's my dad.
He's my dad, Sonny.
My father always said that
I would learn when I got older.
Well, I finally did.
I learned something
from these two men.
I learned the saddest thing
in life is wasted talent.
And the choices you make
will shape your life forever.
But you can ask anyone
from my neighborhood
and they'll tell you,
this is just another Bronx Tale.
Sonny's been dead
over 50 years now.
And not a day goes by
that I don't think of him
at least once.
Sonny Loebisi was my friend.
Lorenzo Palminteri was my dad.
Nobody cares. Nobody cares.
[scoffs] You were wrong
about that one, Sonny.
I'll see you around, Sonny.
I'm going to miss you.
So long.
Dad!
[audience applauds, cheers]
[slow piano music plays]
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A Bronx Tale: The Original One Man Show (2024)
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Biographies Movie Collection