01x14 - Charlie Horse Western

[bunniefuu]

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and you're about to see

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especially you

congratulations Huxley you built a

beautiful card castle did you ever try

to build a card castle it is so

frustrating isn't it my darling I mean

you never know when the cards are gonna

go and fall all over the floor well

there is one way to build a card castle

that is not going to be gone with the

wind you know that once you lose one

card from a deck you can't really play

card games with that deck but it's a

perfect perfect building block for

building a card castle here's how you do

it

you take your card and you cut three

slits on the long end and two slits on

the short end all around each card then

you take your card and you fit those

slips together

now I've just fit two of the slits

together there that's secure and I'm

going to fit two more slits together

come on get in there we go and now I'm

going to put one more across this end

and you'll see what a secure base I have

oh look at that now the fact that brian

has been doing this all along he's much

better at it than I am

there look at his card castle it's

terrific and it's really beginning to go

on its way up and if you have a tiny

doll you can put your tiny doll into

your card castle now have you ever built

such a nice card castle have you ever

built anything oh well this is a perfect

way to get into construction right say

something Huxley

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if you've got a button that still with

nothing in a jar a little imagination

will go far

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surprise

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because you can't keep puttering with

afternoon don't worry if you're very

small and your skills are few remember

that the mighty oak was once a nut like

you hey hey guys what is this mess just

second sherry our sake go get me the

video camera okay my video camera to

secretary now am jealous

is your question sure what part could I

play in your movie when the time is

right I all know I know you know Joe yes

sir

I'll be right back one video can load up

coming up what are you gonna do with my

video camera sherry sherry sherry

read my lips I am NOT making a movie

charley horse may I ask one tiny

question you're not gonna ask me for a

roll I don't thank me Charlie I don't

want now you're gonna have to listen

just like everybody else I don't want a

role in your movie Charlie I am under

tremendous stress yeah well if you don't

seem this mess up you're gonna be under

more than that sorry neatness does not

count when you're making a movie it does

when you're making the movie in my house

what kind of movie well it's um

hopefully an Indian movie you know on

the class decided to make a cowboy and

Indian movie on home video naturally

they asked me to be the director

and the star the star well no not the

star star you know Lambchop is the star

I'm playing a couple of roles yep but

the mess isn't necessary sorry I told

you I'm making a movie here you wouldn't

want me to mess up a stranger's house

would you how long is this gonna take

well if the leather is good and the

casting is good toreen months how about

wrapping it up by dinnertime Dale it's

picture Tanya's picture turner though

I've never met you I know something you

can't do I bet your bet you betcha I'll

teach you how to do what I propose

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here goes so you say dear friends I

betcha that I can fix a dollar bill so

that it is impossible to tear and then

before you friends start warming up

their parents money you take the dollar

bill you put it on the table and then

starting at one corner you roll very

very tightly you roll a compact a nice

skinny strong little roll and you will

find that if you take that tight roll it

is tough son really try it's impossible

to tear Oh

maybe Superman can do it but I can't and

I bet you you can't either

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laughs is that your Indian maiden

costume yes but I can't go on I can't

why not I can't

why not because it's Charlie he keeps

yelling at me oh why does he keep

yelling at you cuz I thought get my line

why do you forget your line cuz he keeps

yelling at me is the line hard to

remember now the line is easy its words

they don't hide the words you know

sweetie you don't have to be in this

western movie if you don't want to I

liked it what do you want to because

this is my big chance

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well even if you become a movie star

won't you be lonely in a big house all

by yourself

oh no I'm going to marry Arnold

Schwarzenegger you're gonna marry on us

what's in it yeah but don't worry I'll

still be your friend with you yeah Arnie

and me we want you to come with us

Oh how about his wife that's right

Arnold Schwarzenegger

he's Manny uh-huh oh then I'll marry

Michael J Fox hmm easy come easy go

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riddle yet said it is the little

and you solve the riddle we'll say

here's a riddle you can pull on your

friends you say to your friends how much

dirt is there in a hole that's one foot

high one foot deep and one foot wide now

try to figure it out have you figured

that out no no no no matter how high or

d4y the hole is there's no dirt in the

hole hey you're watching we're about to

sh**t the cowboy movie are you kidding I

would miss this for the world but

where's your leading lady

you know choppa Honda's or a tanto chop

or whatever you calling her lamb chop

where are you are you ready for the

first scene

yes check the video cameras rolling

jelly hood sir jelly huh okay lamb chop

mount up oh okay there yeah Lancer don't

quote my ears oh yeah my line and over

the hill comes Tonto chop chop the

hunters the Indian warrior fighting with

her famous horse charlie charlie horse

yeah that is better

yeah don't so my ears please you're not

taking this movie seriously I am I am no

the camera can tell when you're just

kidding around

let's have stop stop now if you don't

stop that I'm gonna climb on you are

back

Charlie you are the horse yes that's

true but oh look what fun we are

surrounded by bad guys where where oh

yeah Linda bad guys one bad guy pointed

at us badly

no as a matter of fact very well right

through the heart they got me oh this is

it it's all over I'm going going

do you hear I'm going don't forget to

write

don't kid around I'm dying

oh oh oh you are fancy actor the pain is

too much sh**t your faithful horse tanto

chop sh**t me sh**t me I can't I can't I

just can't

please put me out of my misery no no no

I could die waiting for you to k*ll me I

can't act like I'm sh**ting you why not

I don't have a make-believe g*n also

fake it fanatic of something and you

roll in jelly hose rolling rolling okay

now don't get around land child let's do

that scene where you play my wife and I

play the cowboy and I want real emotion

from you now okay okay say your line

don't get around really I forgot your

line is you are everything in the world

to me oh yeah you got it no oh come on

repeat after me say you you say our I

say everything you are know everything

that is everything you and our land

shall say you are everything you are

everything good you are everything good

no you're not everything good no

everything bad not bad lands up not

there

Oh lamb chop you're ruining the movie

and not taking it seriously I'm not

getting any emotion out of you real

emotion house probably keep that time

we're rolling say your line lamb chop

hotline your line from the movie great

got it cut oh it's a wrap turn off the

video camera lamb chop that was it

excuse me a jelly halt sir come on hush

puppy kid over here come on

now what is it well you know Charlie

look have you figured out what I can do

what you want me to do to be part of

your movie well you know I told you that

when the time was right I'd know yes sir

jelly God sir well you see this mess yes

sir well your part in the movie is to

help me clean it up gee welcome Jerry

okay that's great charlie swell perfect

can you commit commit come on hop up

okay now I want to tell you something

but I loved your cowboy movie and the

idea of doing a cowboy movie with lamb

chop as the Indian was so good what are

you gonna call your movie Dances with

Wolves

give me a knock-knock joke don't know

knock-knock joke and they're always dumb

tell me how

I hope we stumble don't be an old

slowpoke give me your knock-knock joke

please knock knock who's there all

that's all the soul oh that's not gonna

give me a headache

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Hey so tell me how your life what was it

like being the star of a western movie

oh you know I've been thinking I don't

wanna marry Michael J Fox oh you don't

know he's too old for you

and I want us you and me us to be

together for at me too darling

yeah you think Kevin Costner would come

live with us well now there's an idea

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I bet you that you can't name ten

animals from Africa okay now it's

talking to them can you name I can't

atlanta please can you name ten animals

from I can I can I can and I will

okay good name ten animals from Africa

there's there's nine elephants and a

giraffe

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Djali

but I'm Chuck what time is it

what does my watch say to my nose and

the little hand is pointing to my

bellybutton forgot right you can't tell

time I could cow well that's a start

yeah why don't you count the minutes how

long is each minute 60 seconds

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well since you can count you can count

the seconds you just say I know I know I

know what no no no no no no now now now

a lot to count the seconds you say one

locomotive was it what's why - puppy a

local motive a locomotive is the

railroad car that pulls the rest of the

Train it doesn't matter just say it hey

one locomotive run that's one second in

the time it took to say one locomotive a

second tip I share it so if I say one

locomotive a second will have gone by

that's right hush puppy so if I say one

second when a locomotive have gone by I

don't think so to count the seconds you

just add locomotives in rhythm you go

one locomotive two locomotives three

locomotives three seconds and if you go

one locomotive to locomotive three local

members all the way up to 60 do you know

what you'll have a tired mouth no you'll

have 60 seconds and that's a minute

can you count a second there's one easy

way the words one look I'm going to take

just one second to say and if you need

more seconds which you might didn't need

why just have locomotives till you have

all that you need sorry if why not the

motive is by second how long is the

train that makes up the minute there are

60 seconds in a minute as you say one

locomotive two locomotives up to sixty

you'll have a minute

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I'm gonna tell you a story and whenever

I leave out a missing word you fill in

the missing word what yeah well

sweetheart I'm sorry but I've promised

to tell them a story

yeah their deadline well I'll tell my

story very fast good I like this food oh

oh you know what I'll do I'll tell a

story about food okay okay once upon a

time there were three little pigs he's

not food what miss pinky is not the

bacon his food markets Bullock and what

do you think bacon impor come from it's

all right once upon a time there were

three little pigs and they decided to

build a pizza no the three little pigs

each decided to build a yeah and the

first little pig said I'm going to build

my house out of jell-o I'm gonna build

my house out of it was straw not jello

it was strawberry jell-o no it wasn't it

wasn't it was straw my

and the second little pig said I'm gonna

build my house out of red no not red

little pig built the house out of it

wasn't bread sticks

Ella's crummy crummy and the third

little pig said I'm going to build my

house out of bricks Barry yeah bricks he

said my house is going to be strong so

that it will stand up and win the big

bag no not a Cookie Monster when the big

bad wolf comes it won't collapse

really yes that's what happened darn I

thought I had that you didn't well sure

enough as soon as they have built their

houses Along Came the Big Mac no Along

Came that big bad whoa wolf and the big

bad wolf came up to their houses and

they all ran in the back door and they

lock their windows and doughnuts

no no no they lock their windows and

doors doughnuts doughnuts will you stop

with food where you get such dorky

answers well the big bad wolf said

little pig little pig let me and let me

in and the first little pig in his house

of straw said and he puffed and he blew

that house of straw in insurance I don't

think so

but he ran to the second little pigs

house which was built out of sticks

right and then the wolf came and he

knocked on that door and he said little

pig little pig let me in let me in yes

again and the little pig's head

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no not on Bart's instead on my chinny

chin chin and then huffed and he puffed

and he blew in the house of sticks

he made me just like any brilliant wind

that's what it is and and so the two

little pigs ran to the house of the

third Pig who built his house out of

bread right and the wolf came to that

door and he said little pig little pig

let me in let me in and the pig said I'm

not as dumb as you look

probably not and so the wolf huffed so

we have any puffs but could he blow that

house in I don't know I mean that house

did not move not an inch not a

centimeter not a smidge not an inch lamb

chop it didn't move no that house did

not move at all and so suddenly you know

what they heard and they heard the wolf

up on the the roof now I haven't and the

roof was right next to the chimney and

the wolf came sliding right down the

waterslide why don't you get a water

slide same place you got sticks drawers

and bricks no the wolf came sliding down

that Germany and the wolf fell into a

big pot of water and do you know what

they did nothing the wolf jumped up out

of the pocket and ran out of the house

and out of the story and the pigs lived

happily

standing this is the song that does it

and yes it goes on and on my friend some

people started singing it's not knowing

what it was and they'll continue

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this is the song

Johnny stuff I want you to go away go

away and don't slam the door