02x02 - Members Only/The New Kid

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Watch out, 'cause here we come ♪

♪ It's been a while,
but we're back with style ♪

♪ So get set to have some fun ♪

♪ We'll bring you action
and satisfaction ♪

♪ We're the Chipmunks ♪

♪ Alvin, Simon, Theodore ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

Another 100% on my math test.

Oh, yes.

Wake up!

What? Minus ten?
How is it possible to get less than zero?

You spelled your name wrong, Al-win!

Oh. Uh-huh.

-Another perfect score, Simon.
-Yes!

I can't believe it.
Well, let me just file this.

And... swish!

But do I get a grade
on my basketball skills?

See, Simon, that's what... Simon? Hey!

I call to order
a meeting of the mathletes.

Warren? The pledge?

We pledge to enjoy
the thrills of mathematics

all the way to infinity...
finity... finity...

Excellent.
OK, first order of business. Simon?

Yes, yes, thank you.
Well, the first order...

Oh, here's an order of business.

You nerds are standing
too close to my locker.

Actually, Derek, we're 10.74 feet
away from your locker.

-10.75 tops.
-Yeah, too close.

Now beat it!

Stand together, guys.

-Oh, sorry!
-Bye!

Ooh! For a little squirt,
you're making a big mistake.

I'm... I'm sorry. Um, could you
say that just a little louder?

I'm not sure
the principal heard you.

What? Uh, hello, Miss Principal, ma'am.
You're looking well.

Is this a new skin cream?
What's happening with your face?

-Is that a question?
-Yeah... No. I meant...

I'll just leave, if that's OK?

Good idea.

See ya around, friendo.

-Grr.
-Is it safe?

Guys, I mean, what is your motto?

"All for one and good luck to that guy"?

We know, we know,
but Derek was going to humiliate us.

-You don't know what it's like.
-He was gonna pound us.

Was he, Chester?
Or did he just want you to think that?

Hey, uh. It's Cheesy.

Really? Cheesy?

-That's your name?
-Alvin's right, guys.

-Derek is all bluster.
-Yes, yes. I am right.

What you need to do is get all
up in Derek's grill, you know,

with a crazy look in your eye.

Like... like this.

[gasp]

-Wait a minute. He barbecues?
-No. Kevin!

-I mean get in his face.
-And now Alvin's wrong.

OK, wait, I'm sorry.
I'm confused.

What are we grilling?

Alvin, you don't fight fire,
with, you know, with fire.

Because that would just lead to,
you know, more fire.

All you have to do is cross
your arms and stare him down.

Uh, yeah. Tell that to your hair.

I say we fight fire with fire.

Please teach us what you know.

Oh, well, yeah, I could do that.

-All in favour...
-Aye!

Majority rules.

Mathlete honour says
we have to give Alvin something in return.

Yeah. Like you could do
my homework for a week!

-Uh...
-Oh, perfect!

-Absolutely not!
-Let's put it to a vote.

-Aye!
-Yes!

All right, men!
Straighten up, Cheesy, Chester,

whatever you call yourself.
Jeez, I mean, guys!

Stand up, please, for a second!

Now, first thing you need to know.

Your mamas ain't here to protect ya.

My mom's waiting in the car.
Always keeping a watchful eye.

That's not the point.
Just, you know, I'm talking, OK?

Look, look, the first thing
is the name of your group.

M-Mathletes? I mean, come on.

No one will be afraid of a mathlete.

You might have mathlete's foot,
but that's to be avoided.

But you know
what they would be afraid of?

-A mathtron!
-Oh! That's so cool!

-That's awesome.
-How about we get nicknames?

-Isn't Cheesy a nickname?
-Sadly, no.

Oof. I'm sorry to hear that.

Um, anyway,
all right, nicknames!

-Action Fraction.
-Ooh, yes!

-Hypotenusesaurus Rex!
-Yes!

-I wanna be Bob.
-Bob's not a nickname.

-It's a nickname for Robert.
-No, no, Cheesy.

You're, um, Snoop Logarithm.

How about you, Simon?

I'm only doing this
because I took a loyalty vow.

Whatever. I don't really care.
You're the Statistical Mean.

Ooh. I... I kinda like that.

All right, guys. All eyes up here.

Cheesy, Warren, OK, here we go.
Do you guys want this or what?

-Yes.
-All right, then.

I've given each of you
a list of things to say

if you encounter a bully.

Ready, Warren? Here we go.

Give me your lunch money, nerd!

"Hey, dud. Step off."

That was, you know, horrible!

It's "Dude". "Hey, dude."
Not "Hey, dud". Ugh!

Guys, listen. Nobody wants
to mess with a guy who looks tough!

All right. Let me see
your tough-guy face, Action Fraction!

[weedy squeal]

OK.

Hypotenusesaurus Rex!

That was great! I feel like a superhero!

I think I...
I think I had too much oxygen.

Oh. Shouldn't be hard to beat that.

Snoop Logarithm!

[growls]

[growl]

Push it!

[growl]

[farts]

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a place that I've been ♪

♪ That nobody goes ♪

♪ Where we make the rules ♪

-♪ That nobody knows ♪
-[fierce growl]

♪ We are who we are
and we don't care ♪

♪ We're the cool in the hustle ♪

♪ Just watch 'em stare ♪

♪ And we got no time
for this and that ♪

♪ It's about to ignite,
so you'd better step back ♪

♪ You know ♪

♪ We are the show ♪

♪ You know-ow-ow-ow-ow ♪

♪ We are the show ♪

-[growl]
-[indifferent miaow]

Ow!

So, did I get another 100%, Simon?

I wouldn't know. I refused to help.

TEACHER: Another 100%.

I'd say that you've been working
a lot harder on your math,

but, you? Working a lot harder?

[laughs]

I guess we'll find out next week
when you take your end-of-semester test.

[laughs]

I'll just get the mathtrons
to give me a crash course

before the test.

-DEREK: Hey!
-Uh-oh.

Math nerds, get over here!

-You guys...
-Shh. Hey.

Remember, we gotta act
like bullies so we don't get bullied.

-Those are the rules.
-Yeah, yeah, let's do this.

-Mathtron style.
-[Derek chuckles]

Hey, dweebs,
gimme your lunch money or I'll pound you.

Well, well, well.
Look who wants our lunch money.

Yeah, it's all yours, if you can pass
an itsy-bitsy math test.

Oh, yeah. All you gotta do

is factor a quadratic
polynomial equation, Derek.

A... what?

Aw. I guess the big baby Dewek

doesn't know the Distwibutive Law.

-No wunch money for you!
-[cackling]

Stop it! Stop laughing!

Oh, look at them, Simon.

My little tadpoles have become big--

-Jerks!
-Well, yes, there is that.

But that can be fixed easily.

Action, Rex, Snoop Log, S Mean.

-Hey, 'sup, dud?
-All right, guys, come on now!

It's dude, dude. Say it with me now.

-Dude.
-Dude. Not dud.

Anyway, that's not why
I asked you to come here today.

You know, I need a little help.

I've got this math test tomorrow
and, well,

you guys have been doing my homework,

which, by the way, has been fantastic,

but now I'm not really prepared
for the test.

-So, I was hoping that--
-So what?

That wasn't the deal.
We give you a handout

and everyone's walking all over us again.

You taught us
to keep up our tough-guy image.

Yeah.

All right, that's another thing.

You know, I taught you guys
to stand up for yourselves,

which is really good and everything,
but there's a line

you don't want to cross over,
like making people feel stupid.

That's crossing the line.

Well, we like this side of the line.

-People respect us now.
-Um... Can I sit over here?

Uh, is 256 a prime number?

I... I don't know.

Well, then. No and no.

OK, that's it.
I will not be a part of this.

You know, I hereby resign
from the mathletes.

It's the mathtrons. And no one leaves.

-Ugh!
-Oh, yeah?

Well, here's my mathlete protractor,

my mathlete trig calculator,

and my mathlete 15%-off card
to Math-a-palooza.

Come on, Alvin.

Believe me, I am right behind you.

Man, Simon,
I'm totally going to fail this math test.

Yeah, yeah, you know,
I think that's... pretty likely.

Um, personally, I'm more concerned

about stopping the mathtrons.

Oh, well, give it up, pal,
because they can't be stopped!

I trained them
to be unstoppable mathtrons!

All right, all right.
Well, then we need bigger mathtrons.

Then what stops that?

Oh. Wait a second.

CHEESY: Oh, look who it is.

-Huh?
-Hey, what you got here?

-What?
-OK, let's see this here.

These questions are too easy.
Here's one for ya.

Three bullies take $2.50
from seven innocent school kids.

Come on, give me that!

If divided equally,
how much money does each bully steal?

Come on, you've done this
a thousand times.

Don't you know the answer by now?

-Give me that.
-[cackling]

No one messes with the mathtrons!

Mathtrons, huh?

Uh, hey, Mom.

Using your brains to bully kids?
Really?

We raised you better than that!

What happened to one plus one
equals kindness?

Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry.

Your father will be very disappointed!

WARREN: No, Mom, please don't tell Dad.
Please don't.

MOM: No long division for you
for a month, young man!

Yes, you know, it's like that old saying.

You can take the math out of the "lete",

but you shouldn't let them become bullies.

Oh, wise... wise words indeed.

But enough of the celebration

'cause I'm still going to flunk
that math test tomorrow!

Not necessarily.
I could give you my "Statistical Mean"

-super math crash course.
-Really?

Yes, really.

Oh, Simon, you are the greatest!

I mean, you know,
even for a nerd, I mean--

All right.
That's enough. Thank you.

No, I'm just saying,
it's so great of you to help--

Now just please be quiet, Alvin,
I'm already regretting this decision.

-No, but my point--
-Quiet!

-Ready?
-Ready.

ALVIN: Jenny! Look how cool this is!

Got it.

Amazing!

Thank you. Thank you.
Theodore will be passing the hat.

So, please, give generously to my charity.

And remember, anything is appreciated.

What's the charity this time?

New wheels for Alvin's skateboard.

Bup-bup-bup-bup! Hey! Hey!
This is none of your concern.

h*, h*! How did we do, Theodore?

We got a banana peel.

I was hungry.

Maybe just once, Alvin,

you could think of someone
besides yourself.

I'll have you know,
I am a very giving person!

-Aren't I, Theodore?
-Well... uh...

You know, I really should be going. Bye.

Good deed. I do good deeds all the time.

Uh!

It's... it's OK.

Hey, hey, are you new to the school?

Yes, my name is Eemil. I am from Ludgovia.

But I... I not speak much English.

So, people no talk to me.

You know, this is so perfect, you know?

Here I am, a giving person,
looking for someone to...

give to.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Maybe he's cool ♪

♪ Maybe he's wicked ♪

♪ New kid in school ♪

♪ Oh, they can be vicious ♪

♪ But he ain't no fool ♪

♪ No, he got your ticket ♪

♪ Yes, he's our mister mystery ♪

♪ Mystery, mystery man,
please tell me all that you can ♪

♪ I wanna know everything about you ♪

♪ Mystery, mystery man,
just tell me your secret ♪

♪ And I promise, I promise,
I promise to keep it ♪

Oh, you have learned well, my protégé.

You are gonna fit right in.

Alvin, I not know how to tank you.

What me do for you? Please.

[gasps] I know.

You could help me think
of an amazing gift for Jenny.

-Her birthday is in a couple of days.
-Ha! You like her, yes?

Oh... oh... Of course!
I'm crazy about her!

So I need something great, Eemil.

-Hmm... What she like?
-Well, she loves school.

And... and she's running
for class president.

I know vhat! I am artist.

I paint her picture, but mix it
vith vhat she loves, school!

-I just need her student ID.
-Right. Right.

-But how would we get that?
-I take care of it.

Oh, Eemil, that would be great!

Hello.

What? Oof!

Oh, oh, Dave. See? See?

This is Eemil's first day of school.
How cute is he?

Look at his little hands.
He's not sure what to do.

Oh, Dave!
This is one of my favourites.

This is Eemil painting.

I mean, he's a wonderful artist,
let me tell you.

Oh! Oh! Oh!
Dave, Dave, Dave, look, look.

This is Eemil
throwing a baseball.

h*, h*! It's a funny story,
'cause he was so embarrassed

'cause they don't do that in Ludgovia.

I wonder if they steal in Ludgovia.

[gasps] Oh, man, I'm tired.
Come on, Theodore.

Well... Well, good night, Dave!

Hold it. Wait! I probably
should be getting to bed myself.

Oh, Dave. Wait. Wait. Look. Look.

-How cute is this?
-Are there lots more pictures?

-Oh, yes. Lots!
-[groans]

Theodore, I told you not to say anything
until you're sure!

It would break Alvin's heart
to hear anything bad about Eemil.

Let's just see
what Jenny says tomorrow.

So, just go up to her
and ask if she's missing her wallet.

If she is,
then you tell her what you saw.

OK.

Hi, Jenny.

Hi, Theodore.

Uh... can I...

can I borrow a dollar?

I don't think I have a dollar.

How do you know if, uh...

if you don't check your wallet?

OK.

Oh, I was wrong. I do have a dollar.

So, when can you pay me back?

Here. I just wanted to say, uh...
um, never mind.

So, I got her ID, made copy,
put wallet back in purse.

Now I start on painting.

h*, h*! Yes!
This is gonna be the best surprise ever!

Oh, well, that's a good thing, Theodore.

You know, you must have been mistaken.

Now, aren't you glad
you didn't tell Alvin?

No.

Theodore, let it go.

I'll see you later.

Hello, Theodore.

Oops. I drop my wallet.

Your wallet or someone else's?

No. Mine.

Right.

Hey, bro. [laughs]

I think your brodder, he no like me.

It's bro, Eemil. Just say bro.

And look, he's the school bully.
He doesn't like anybody.

He take my wallet
and he dump it on the ground.

He did? OK, OK, listen, Eemil.

He's trying to see
how far he can push you.

So you let him know
you won't stand for it.

-How?
-Just give him

the "I've got my eye on you, buddy,

and you'd better watch yourself" look.

Dat's good and scary.

Let's see if it does the job.

Otherwise, we may have to get tougher.

BOY: [groan] Hey, Mom.

Yeah, yeah, everything's good.

Get off my case, would ya?

Yeah, whatever. I gotta go, Mom!

[gasps]

What?
You're sure he didn't have an accent?

Positive.

Show me the look he gave you again.

And that's not all.
I looked him up on the Internet

and... and look what I found.

Eemil Hercheff,
kicked out of four schools.

23 years old? Real name Bobby Smithenwuss?

Wanted in three countries?

Do you have a picture on this?

Yes. But, look, he's in disguise.

Well, yeah.

That sort of looks like him.

Hard to tell with the beard
and sunglasses and hat.

Oh, Alvin's gonna be crushed!

But... but we can't say anything
until we're absolutely positive.

Oh, I know.

What if I call him by his real name
and see what he does?

If he does this...

Then we know he's Bobby Smithenwuss.

Well, yeah.
But at school and around a lot of people.

Hello, Theodore.

Hello, Bobby Smithenwuss.

OK. So? How did he react?

Like... like this.

-Mad, huh?
-Maybe a little mad.

But... but like this.

-Surprised?
-Mmm. Yeah...

Maybe a little surprised.

But like this.

OK, stop with the faces.
This is getting us nowhere.

Your brodder, he call me Booby.

Brother?

It's bro. Just bro.

But he call me Booby Smithenbuss.

Booby?

Why he call me dat?

Because he's a jerk!

Next time you see him,
look him straight in the eye,

real tough like,
and say, "The name's Eemil."

"Got that, punk?

"You call me Booby again and you'll..."

Well, well, uh, look... just
tell him you'll put up a stink!

And let him know
you are not to be messed with.

But you like him, no?

What? No!

I just have to live with him
'cause we go to the same school.

OK. I do it.

Hey! My name is Eemil. Got dat, punk?

Next time you call me Booby,
I will stink you!

Stink you bad!
Don't mess vith me, punky boy!

Oh. Stink me?

No, seriously. Please!

When will you get back to me?
This is a--

-[dial tone]
-Hello?

[gasps] What did the FBI say?

They said they have 57 leads
on Bobby Smithenwuss

and... and ours is the least plausible.

-[phone rings]
-Alvin, Alvin!

Thank goodness it's you.

Theodore and I have something
very important to tell you!

What? You're coming home? Right now...

You're bringing Eemil?
He has a surprise for Theodore?

Alvin, wait! Wait! Alvin!

He hung up!

OK, all right. Now, now,

we just stay in our room
until Dave gets home.

[door rattles]

Hey, guys. Open up!

Simon? Theodore?

I think they left.

[scream]

OK! Listen, Eemil,
there's no reason for this!

Please! Just leave him alone!

He... he won't be any trouble!

We... we won't be any trouble!

I have surprise for Theodore.

What? No!

I don't want surprise! Please!

I know we get off on wrong shoe.

-[tube pops]
-So I make you this.

Oh, oh. And look what he made for me
to give to Jenny.

He needed a picture, right?
So, when she wasn't looking,

-he took her ID so he could--
-Wait, wait, wait.

That's it?
That's all that's in the bag?

Well, I would make one for you too,
but I go back to Ludgovia.

-My fader get big promotion.
-Oh, thank you, Eemil.

I know you miss him, Alvin, but, you know,

he'll always be part of your life.

And, you know, who knows?
He might come and visit.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it!

Son, we're with the FBI.
We got a call from this address.

Oh, yeah. But... um...

This is Bobby Smithenwuss.
Is this who you were in contact with?

Yeah.

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪