02x11 - Suck Toad/Secret Admirer

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Watch out, 'cause here we come ♪

♪ It's been a while,
but we're back with style ♪

♪ So get set to have some fun ♪

♪ We'll bring you action
and satisfaction ♪

♪ We're the Chipmunks ♪

♪ Alvin, Simon, Theodore ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

-Bye, guys! Have a great time!
-Bye, Dave!

-Bye.
-Have fun at Space Camp.

So happy I'm not going.

Hold on. It was crooked.

I know. That's because I'm
spending less time on my looks.

My mid-term report is
"Beauty is only skin deep".

You know, people should like people

for what they are on the inside.

Oh, that's so brave!
Especially with all the parties this week.

Oh, yes! So, brave!

Imagine wearing a crooked bow to a party!

Be quiet, Alvin! You don't even have
an idea for your report!

[both talk at once]

Quiet! Both of you!
It never stops! Now listen up!

I want everyone behaving themselves

at the animal preserve today!

-Do you understand?
-ALL: Yes, Miss Smith.

SCIENTIST: Gather around, everybody.

We are very fortunate to have such a new

and endangered species here.

I don't see anything in here
but blobs of mud!

These blobs of mud are actually
a small group of Suck Toads.

-I'd rather be shovelling dirt.
-Don't worry, Derek.

You have your whole life to do that.

h*, h*, h*! Burn!

Hey!

Oh, no!

Keep looking, everyone!
We're still missing one.

All I see is dirt.
What exactly are we looking for?

[gasp]

Will someone please
just get this off of my face?

I'm sorry, dear,
but we'll need a specialist to remove it.

Brittany, it's a delicate species.

We can't remove it
without potentially harming it.

She needs to look after it
until we can fly the specialist in

from New Zealand. In the meantime,

he'll Skype with her
about how to care for it.

Guys, you're kidding, right?
Brittany? Care for it?

Oh, that's never going to happen.

Oh, well, in that case,
I'm going to assign you, Alvin,

to look after her
and that thing on her face

until the specialist comes.
Do you understand?

-That's your assignment!
-No! Miss Smith! No! No!

If anything happens to that thing,

I will hold you, personally, responsible!

What? Oh...

Where is he?
He was supposed to call by now!

Meanwhile, this thing on my face
is only getting bigger!

Well, only from this side.

So, Britt, turn around.

Further... Further... Much, much further.

-There you go.
-[Skype call]

-Oh, thank goodness!
-Hello?

Hi! Hello! Are you coming here?
Soon? Like, like today?

Oh, yes, look at that.
It's made itself at home on your face!

-How neat is that?
-Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's been a real treat.

So, when are you coming to take it off?

I need to care for a shipment
of endangered finger monkeys,

-but right after that.
-So, soon?

OK. So, some real simple instructions

to care for the Suck Toad.

I notice your very bright clothes.
Just won't do.

-That's a big no-no, OK?
-Does he hear me?

It must feel like it's
in its natural habitat.

-Hello?
-Surround yourself with leaves

and mud and just general dirt and decay.

Oh! Oh! And it must stay hydrated.

No sugar.
Make sure you stay calm at all times...

Feed it kale and other sorts
of green, digestive...

Any sort of roughage like that.

-All right. That should do it.
-That's a... a very long list.

But when will you be here?

All right, guys.
Well, that's it for me today.

Have a great rest of the day
and I'll be in touch.

Yes, yes, but when? When?

[sobs]

Britt, hold on.
We have a whole list here to--

ALVIN: OK, talk later!

What is that?

Your Suck-Toad-friendly outfit.

-[groans]
-What are you eating?

-A cookie.
-No! No! Brittany!

Didn't you hear the specialist?
You can't have sugar.

The Suck Toad absorbs it!

Spit it out. Spit it out!

OK. Now, you know, just put this thing on
and stop your whining.

I have a surprise for you.

-I can't believe...
-Oh, come on, Brittany.

It's the movie you've been dying to see.

So, you want to know
who's behind all of this?

[croaking noise]

-What is that?
-Britt, it's your face.

Hey! Shh, shh! You, you! Be quiet!

-[loud croak]
-We're trying to watch a movie!

Be quiet!

[sobs] Why won't this thing shut up?

It's making that noise
because it's dehydrated, Brittany.

-It needs its mud bath!
-Oh. Well, what a shame.

I don't have any mud on me!

She's fine. Just step over her.

Nothing to look at, folks. Keep it moving.

On your way now.

Oh! I've never been
so humiliated in my life!

[croaks]

Sorry, but it's best
if you don't come to the sleepover.

Because all the girls are
so afraid they could catch this!

-Not you too?
-Sorry.

I'm uninvited to this party,
to this party, this party...

[sobs]

Alvin, please leave me alone.

Brittany, believe me.

Nothing would give me more pleasure.

Now, it's time to listen
to Suck-Toad-friendly tunes

and eat up some kale soup with worms.

-I'm not gonna do it!
-Britt, come on.

You know, your looks?
That goose is cooked. OK?

So, a little worm soup?
Not really your problem.

Well, thank you. You're so sweet.

But, starting now,
I'm gonna wear pink again

and I'm gonna eat what I want

and I'm gonna surround myself
with flowers and pretty colours

and I'm gonna... I'm gonna
get myself a... a cookie!

Brittany! Miss Smith said I'm responsible!

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ooh!
I'm stuck to you like glue ♪

♪ And what you gonna do? ♪

♪ Can't shake me off
'cause I'm in the middle of ♪

♪ Showin' you some love ♪

♪ Can't make me stop 'cause you are ♪

♪ Everything a girl could want,
a gold and shiny star ♪

♪ Yeah, you are everything I dream of ♪

♪ I'm falling over, over and then under ♪

♪ I can't help but wonder,
did my dreams come true? ♪

♪ You cannot shake me ♪

♪ Where you go just take me ♪

♪ Not leaving, can't make me ♪

♪ Stuck to you like glue ♪

♪ I'm stuck to you like glue ♪

-Brittany, get down here!
-Go away! I'm not home!

Oh. OK, fine. Well, you know,

I'll just tell the specialist
you're not available.

I'll be right down!

OK, let's see what we've got here.

Move closer. Don't be shy.

Oh, no! This isn't looking good.

-What happened?
-What? That's not possible...

When are you coming? When?

Ugh! Well, I hate to say it,

but by the looks of the Suck Toad,

no need to make the 20-hour journey.

I'm afraid this one's just beyond saving.

You can just peel it off now, I guess.

Peel it off? But I've done everything!

And she has been a nightmare!

Well, it's been no picnic for me!

-He's been mean to me!
-Just stop, Brittany!

[both talk at once]

OK, guys. I see what the problem is.

Such a sensitive species
can't survive a hostile environment.

That was on the list I gave you.
I gave you that. I said that!

h*, h*! Oh, no it wasn't!

I have the list right here!

Mud, check. No bright colours, check.
Healthy food, check.

Yadda yadda, check.
No sugar, check. Calm environment...

-I see... Yes.
-You have to understand.

Specimens like this can do great things
for the human race.

I'm sorry if I'm giving you a lecture.
I have to go.

It's been a sad day.

Well, I guess you can peel it off now.

Yeah, I guess so.

OK, here goes.

Stop! I... I can't.

Not without doing
everything I can to save it.

Oh, count me in!

Hey, what are you looking at?
This thing on my face?

Proud of it! Ha! You heard me.

That's right.

[♪♪♪]

♪ I'm falling over,
over and then under ♪

♪ I can't help but wonder
did my dreams come true ♪

♪ You cannot shake me ♪

♪ Where you go just take me ♪

♪ Not leaving, can't make me ♪

♪ Stuck to you like glue ♪

♪ Stuck to you like glue ♪

[swamp sounds]

OK, so, to wrap it up--

Kevin, you wrapped it up
20 minutes ago. Sit down.

-But I--
-Sit down! Sit down! Sit!

Brittany, get up here.

-So, is it still alive?
-I don't know,

but Alvin and I did everything--

Oh, save it for the report. Go on.

My report is titled,
"Beauty is only skin deep."

-[laughter]
-Silence!

Last week, this Suck Toad
made its home on my face.

I didn't take care of it
because I was embarrassed.

And, as a result,
I may have really harmed it.

You see, I was afraid no one would like me

if I wasn't pretty or cute.

And even though it isn't pretty,
this Suck Toad is remarkable

and has extraordinary powers.

So, it has taught me that, pretty or not,

I can do remarkable things.

Now, I love this suck Toad.

It has shown me
that I'm more than my looks

and for that, I am forever grateful.

h*, h*, h*, h*, yes! It's alive!

Oh, thank you again.
You did a brilliant job!

Oh, well, it was no picnic,
believe you me.

I mean, that Suck Toad
couldn't have picked a more vain

and superficial person to...
to... Oh, Britt.

Alvin! The Suck Toad! It's on your face!

What? No! Get it off!

Oh, just kidding.

Oh, I don't think he heard me.

Well, he'll figure it out.

Get this off me! Get this off!

Commander Alvin takes cover.

Stranded on the alien planet
with no hope of rescue!

He clutches his handy space-blaster

and prepares to fight this alien head on!

[battle cry]
Oh, you are so over... you are...

-Kevin?
-What?

Oh, OK, OK. What is going on with you?

If I didn't know better,
I'd say you had a crush on someone.

What? No! That's ridiculous!

-You're crazy!
-Ha! You denied it four times!

-That means you're lying!
-All right, all right.

-Maybe I am!
-Kevin, spit it out!

-Who is it?
-I don't wanna tell you.

-You'll make fun of me.
-Yeah, I probably will.

-So, just give me a hint.
-Oh, where to begin?

She's more beautiful than a sh**ting star.

She's got the biggest, most gigantic heart

in the whole world
and she's funnier than my Uncle Bruce.

I mean, she's the full package.

Every time I try to talk to her
I get all... Oh...

Stop doing that. Now... now, look,

this isn't difficult.
You write her a note!

And, lucky for you,

I happen to be an expert at love notes.

Here we go... little smoochy thing...

OK... Bam! Cupid perfection! Ready?

I wish that I could talk to you

'Cause you're pretty as a pearl

But when I get around you

I think I'm gonna hurl!

-How about that?
-Nothing more romantic

than throwing up.

Here, Kevin, give her this.

It's an equation that, when solved,

translates to "you complete me".

Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah,
that oughta keep you single, Kevin.

Oh, fine, Alvin. Try your puke poem.

Just... just draw a heart
on a piece of paper.

That always works for me.

Just sayin'.

Why can't you just hand it to her?

Because I'd have to be next to her!

-[hyperventilates]
-OK...

Get it together, man!

Come on, now. Deep breaths.
Deep breaths. That's it.

OK, everything's gonna be fine.

She's... she's coming!

Launch love note in three, two, one...

Oh, I can't look!

You've got to be kidding me.

[gasps] What's this?

-Aw. It's a love note.
-Yeah, but for which one of us?

Hmm. And who sent it?

Oh! Ah! Uh... Aah!

Well, that answers one question.

I'm pretty sure this note was for me.

-Or me.
-Or me.

Whatever. Look, no matter who it was for,

none of us is ready for a boyfriend.

But we... we have to let him down gently.

It's just that I...
I think of you as a friend.

Oh. Yeah. I get it.
You think I'm a weirdo.

[sobs]

No! Not at all. I'm a weirdo too!

Kevin, please.
I know what you think of me.

I'm beautiful, funny... [giggles]

I'm incredibly brilliant.
But I just can't...

-No!
-No, Kevin, stop!

Don't do this to yourself.
It's humiliating.

I can't live without you! No! No! No!

Get... get off me, Kevin! Get off!

So, listen, Kev. I mean,

between saving the elephants
and soccer practice,

I'd only get to see you, like,

three, maybe four, minutes a day

-and you deserve better.
-[sobs] I can't take this!

I can't take it! You're everything to me!

Poor Kevin.

Oh, breaking hearts
is so heartbreaking. [sniffs]

If only Kevin didn't find me so...
I mean "us" so fabulous.

[gasps] You guys, that's it!

What if we made sure
he didn't find any of us appealing?

Oh, Elli, that could work
and nobody gets hurt.

Well, congratulations, Alvin.

-You look like you're thinking.
-Well, I am! And it's serious!

Kevin's crush is one of the Chipettes.

What? Which one?

He won't say, but I've narrowed
it down to three possibilities.

All right, so you haven't
been thinking long.

-What do you know?
-Well, he said something

about her being as pretty
as his Uncle Bruce,

having the heart of a sh**ting star

and as funny as a bunch of wenches.

That's not much to go on, I realise.

-Could be any one of them.
-Ooh, well, I don't know

what his Uncle Bruce looks like,
but they're all pretty,

-especially Jeanette.
-Well,

"pretty" probably falls under Brittany.

h*, h*! Sounds like someone cares.

Ah, please! Don't make me laugh.
I couldn't care less.

But, I mean, come on.

He doesn't have a chance with Brittany.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Are you implying
he has a chance with Jeanette?

Sounds like someone cares.

Come on. I couldn't care less.

What are you fighting about?

Kevin has a crush on one of the Chipettes.

Oh, I... I hope he doesn't like Eleanor.

I mean, I mean, not like I care,
'cause I don't.

I know. None of us cares!

But let's just follow him tomorrow anyway.

You know, for, uh... for fun.

-Yeah, for fun.
-Yeah, for fun.

Kevin! Kevin!
Come here. Come here. Sit down!

Oh, hey, Brittany. What's up?

I just thought,
if you're going to be my boyfriend,

-we should work on your look.
-What?

I've always wanted to cut your hair.

No, no! My mom cuts my hair!

Yeah. Not anymore.

Looks like Brittany likes Kevin.

-Why would you say that?
-Because she's grooming him.

-Hi, Kevin!
-Wait. What's Jeanette doing?

Let's go. Come with me.

Drink this juice and count to three.

Then I'll throw sparkles out to thee.

Oohgaa baga, oohgaa baga,
chum chum cheerie.

-Wait! Stop!
-Is she out of her mind?

Oh, it's a love chant. Is it working?

Ooh-chig-a-chow! [giggles]
Are you in love with me yet?

-No!
-Kevin! Wait!

Hello!

Wanna go to the dance with me? Huh?

-No!
-Come over after school.

We'll practice our moves.

-♪ Yeah, what's up? ♪
-I... I really should be going.

I'll come with you. See? See?
It's fun to do things together!

Get off!

-Did ya miss me?
-No!

Hi.

♪ Hey, would you notice
if I called your name? ♪

♪ Or every day would you
ignore me just the same? ♪

♪ You never notice how I look at you ♪

♪ So going crazy is the only thing to do ♪

♪ Thought things were going so well ♪

♪ So why can't I tell you how I feel? ♪

♪ Hey! I got a crush,
that's what it's gotta be ♪

♪ I've had enough,
when will you notice me? ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a star,
that's what I want you to see ♪

♪ Don't know what to say,
so I'll walk away ♪

-♪ But I got a crush ♪
-♪ I got a crush ♪

♪ That's what it's gotta be ♪

♪ I've had enough,
when will you notice me? ♪

[screams]

Nothing makes sense any more.

I can't figure out what they see in him!

Oh, my stomach hurts.

What's he got that we don't?

Guys, I gotta hide! They're after me!

Kevin, did you really think
you could hide from me?

-You silly goose.
-He's mine.

-No! He's mine!
-Stop it!

Kevin, Kevin, you know what?
No more beating around the bush.

-Which one is it?
-Well, it, uh...

-It wasn't for any of you.
-See? I told you it was me.

-Wait. What?
-OK, OK. Back up, buddy!

I was there, remember?

You threw the paper plane,
it landed at their feet.

-These eyes don't lie.
-No, no. If you remember...

It was supposed to be
for Pamela.

-BRITTANY: Pamela G?
-KEVIN: No, Pamela D!

She was... she was right behind the girls.

KEVIN: I tried to tell you all,

but... but when I saw Pamela,
I panicked and I ran.

ALL: Oh!

Oh, that's such a relief.

I mean, no offence,
it's just you're not our type.

-But I bet you're Pamela's.
-Yeah, doubt it.

-So, you guys don't like Kevin?
-Uh, no.

We were just acting crazy
so he would stop liking us.

Yeah, which apparently he didn't.
So awkward.

-Why? Do you guys care?
-No!

Not... not, you know, not at all!

h*, h*, h*! We just wanted
to help our friend.

[gasps] Maybe we still can.

Uh... I hope you don't mind my asking,

but, um, where exactly are we going?

Oh, you know,
just for a nice little stroll.

Exactly. Just four girlfriends
hanging out. Nothin' else planned.

A walk in the park will cheer you up.

Yeah, not really helping.

h*, h*! What a coincidence!

I think that's Pamela over there.

[gasps] What?

[hyperventilates]

Why, look, isn't that Kevin over there?

Yeah, the guy with his head in the bag.

-Oh, let's say hi!
-No, no! I can't!

Really, guys, I get really nervous

and then I end up talking gibberish.
I'm really awkward.

-I can't even say hi.
-Don't worry. We'll help you.

Table for two?

-Oh...
-Uh...

Uh, I... Hey, uh...

Kevin, Pamela says,
"Hi. So good to see you."

Uh... eh... hey.

Ahem, Kevin says, "Thank you"
and hopes you enjoy the meal.

Dinner is served!

Yeah. I... well... I...

Oh, he's saying, "Help yourself, Pamela."

Oh, oops! Oh, sorry.

Pamela says "Thank you!"

KEVIN: My mom makes really good pasta.

-Oh.
-And a good sandwich too.

You know, I really thought
he liked one of us.

-Yeah, we did too.
-Right, right.

But, you know, not like we cared.

-Right, Simon?
-No, no, no. We didn't care.

-Right, Theodore?
-Oh, right, right.

No, we didn't care.
Well, I mean, why should we?

Yeah, why would we?

Yeah, I mean, we wouldn't.

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪