[heavy breathing]
-[pine cone rustling]
-[birds cawing]
[jacket rustles]
-[pine cone clatters]
-[child growling]
[child 2 growls]
[screams]
[snarls]
[children growling]
[snarls]
[grunting]
-[children growling]
-[groaning]
[snarls]
[screaming]
Ow! Gracie, no!
-No biting! No!
-[girls laughing]
[horn honking]
Mommy!
-[leaves rustling]
-Okay, okay, okay.
Now, which one
of the commandments
in this scenario did I break?
Comment below if you know it.
-[comments chiming]
-All right, you guys.
Okay, okay, great.
Great, you guys.
"Thou shalt not scream,"
right?
The diversion worked,
but as soon as I saw
that second zombie,
-I panicked, right?
-[horn honking]
[door thuds]
[clears throat]
Okay, late for church.
Gotta go.
Uh, remember, the family
that slays together,
stays together.
[man vocalizing]
And I'm willing to lose
Anything if I have you
Darlin', no matter
What it takes
We'll make it through
Oh, don't be afraid,
My dear
'Cause I'm not going
Anywhere
[girls screaming]
[laughing]
[girls laughing]
[music ends]
[printer whirring]
[man]
Hey, everyone, welcome back
to "Don't Get Eaten,"
the channel where you
learn how to survive
the zombie apocalypse.
Now, taking out one or two
zombies is one thing,
but what if you're up
against 10 or more?
That's when your
tactics have to evolve.
[liquid bubbling]
You can't always
go for the brain.
I recommend blinding them.
You can use mace or even
some really potent salsa.
[blade clanks]
-[bell tolling]
-[girl] How many views,
Daddy?
[man] 3,000
and 10 new subscribers.
[girl] Epic!
[girl 2]
I can't believe we went
to church dressed as zombies.
[girl]
Mom was so embarrassed.
-[Gracie growls]
-Ow! Gracie, no biting.
[Gracie] Sorry, Mommy.
[girls laughing]
-[door thuds]
-[girls giggling]
[girl] You would never survive
the zombie apocalypse.
[girl 2] Yes, I would!
-[girl] You'd get eaten.
-What's that?
Nothing. Just an ad.
[girl 2] No!
You would get eaten.
[woman]
The most important thing
to a mother
is that her children
are safe.
Today, over 67% of mothers
work outside the home.
So what's a mom to do
when her career is calling her
to be away from
her young children?
How can she be sure
that they are safe?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you, KidShield.
KidShield
is a wearable monitor
that pairs
with your smartphone,
sending real-time updates
on your child's location,
body temperature, heart rate,
oxygen saturation
and blood sugar levels.
Whether your kids
are in school, daycare,
with a grandparent,
or maybe an unreliable spouse...
[laughs]
you always have access
to your child's vital signs.
And that, my friends,
is peace of mind
you cannot put a price on.
-[beeping]
-[voice] Warning, low oxygen.
Low oxygen levels detected.
-Warning, low oxygen.
-[yelps]
-[smoke alarm beeping]
-Grease fire!
Look, Mommy.
I'm making bacon.
Elizabeth, why are you
cooking bacon?
We're hungry.
Where's your father?
He's in the bunker.
[sighs]
-
-[air compressor hissing]
[air compressor humming]
Okay, so, you all know
that Rose has a product
called KidShield.
It will send you an alert
if your kid is in danger.
Now, the problem is, if your
kid is really in danger,
is a notification
going to save them?
Now, honestly,
I think that that is why
she hasn't had much luck
attracting investors.
-[keyboard clacking]
-[computer beeping]
But that is all
about to change.
I present to you, KidDome.
-[door opens]
-Ooh!
[drawer opens and closes]
Upstairs.
-Okay, so thank you
so much for tuning--
-[Rose] Now!
[quietly] Thank you
so much for tuning in
to this episode of
"Don't Get Eaten."
Remember, the family that slays
together, stays together.
[faucet running]
[man] Oh-h*!
Oh, no.
Hey.
-Hey.
-Everything okay?
[chuckles]
Everything's great.
Everything's so great.
I just thought that when
you said you'd watch
the kids for an hour,
that you'd,
I don't know,
watch the kids for an hour.
Fair. I did watch
the kids for an hour,
but you were upstairs
for three hours.
Okay, they almost
burned the house down.
You're right, I mean, they--
it looks like they
took care of it.
You're right.
You're right, it's not funny.
Okay, I know that you've
been spending a lot of time
with the kids lately,
and I appreciate that,
but I really have to work
on my pitch tonight.
Is that this week?
[Rose chuckles]
Yes, it is this week.
The pitch is this week.
Right, yes.
[sighs]
Noah, this one's important.
Like, really important.
Like, if this one goes right,
everything changes for us.
And I never have to
clean another person's
teeth in my life.
[Noah] Yeah.
Okay.
You're gonna do great.
Thanks.
You're gonna do great too.
[Noah chuckles]
-Thanks.
-Okay.
[sighs]
[squeaking]
So have you been
flossing regularly, Fred?
Twice a day.
Oh!
I'm just gonna give
you some extra samples
just in case you run out.
Quick rinse for me.
-[Fred sneezes]
-[food spatters]
God bless you.
-Thanks, Rose.
-All right. Bye, Fred.
See you next time!
-Bye.
-Bye.
[engine rumbling]
-[door thuds]
-[music ends]
[papers rustling]
[door squeaks]
[sighs]
You must be Mrs. Mickelberg.
Hello, Walker,
it's nice to meet you.
I'm excited to tell you more
about KidShield. Have a seat.
Slings. Bows and arrows.
Uh, my personal favorite,
the blow dart g*n.
All fantastic ranged weapons.
But when it comes to simplicity,
you cannot beat
the humble slingshot.
So since we are doing
a simulation today,
that's right,
simulation today,
we will be working
with paintballs,
but in an apocalyptic scenario,
I would recommend
rocks, marbles,
ball bearings,
anything you can find.
And ready, girls?
[All] Yeah!
Okay, so, we are working
with soft a*mo today,
but body-armor is an
absolute, absolute must.
The revenue forecasts
are between 10
and 15 million by year three.
If we could
just work together--
Rose, in order to
reach those projections,
we're talking millions
in startup capital.
I've got to have an experienced
leader at the helm
with that kind of
investment on the line.
And that leader's gotta
be able to go all-in.
You understand?
Walker, I understand why
you wouldn't want to invest
in a dental hygienist
with three kids.
But over the past three years,
in between cleaning people's
teeth and changing diapers,
I have secured this patent
and created
a market-ready prototype.
With your investment,
I could focus all of
that energy on KidShield,
and I guarantee I can make
those revenue
forecasts a reality.
You really think
you can handle taking
this thing to the next level?
Absolutely.
And what about them?
Think they can handle it?
Definitely.
Noah and the kids,
they support me 100%.
Mrs. Mickelberg, I'm willing
to consider investing,
but I'd like to meet this
family of yours first.
Great. That's great.
Let's set up
a dinner some time.
No, no, no, flight leaves
at 4:30. Gonna have to be now.
Right now?
Is that a problem?
No. That's perfect.
Let me just give Noah
a heads up really quick.
Call him on the way over.
We'll take my car.
Okay.
[texts chiming]
[paintballs thudding]
[elastic band creaking]
[paintball thuds]
[Noah panting]
I'm taking some serious hits.
Honestly, the hubcap might've
saved my life back there.
-Either way, things could
definitely be way worse.
-[tires screeching]
-[thuds]
-[Noah groaning]
[groans]
-Noah?
-[Noah laughs]
-Hi, honey!
-[dog barking]
[Walker sighs]
[bag rustling]
So, Noah, how are you
enjoying the domestic life?
I love it.
I love being at home
with the kids
and I get to work
on the business.
On KidShield?
No, no, no, no.
That's actually all Rose.
No, I've got my
own media company.
Let me just-- it's--
-[cellphone thuds]
-There it is. Right there.
There you go.
There you go.
[Noah sighs]
"Don't Get Eaten."
Yeah, that's us.
We produce all kinds of
content for preppers,
survivalists, the whole
post-apocalyptic crowd.
Very impressive, Noah.
Here I thought your wife
was the entrepreneur.
[chuckles]
It's really just a hobby.
You know,
it's a livestreaming channel
with home videos
and a few subscribers.
A few...
thousand subscribers.
[laughs]
Oh, the videos
are great, hon.
They're really, really great.
It's just not like he's running
an actual business or anything.
Well, we've all
gotta start somewhere.
[Noah] That's exactly
what I told her.
We're just starting
to scratch the surface,
but the market for this
kind of content is huge.
To be fair, you told me
that 10 years ago, sweetie.
I just don't think
we're in danger
of anything taking off
before KidShield does.
But I mean, all it takes is
one viral video. [chuckles]
You're quite
a salesmen, Noah.
Maybe I should be investing
in "Don't Get Eaten"
instead of KidShield.
[all laughing]
No, no, no. I mean, you
could invest in us both, huh?
[Noah chuckles]
Well, uh, look at the time.
Uh, the clock is
a cruel mistress.
Sorry, folks, but I got
to get back to the airport.
Walker, I'd be happy
to ride along with you
if you have any questions
about KidShield.
Oh, that's okay,
I've heard enough.
It's been a real pleasure,
Mrs. Mickelberg.
You as well.
Thank you.
Wait.
Mr. Walker, wait.
It'll just be a moment,
I'm sure.
I only have so much time.
-My plane really does leave--
-[Noah laughs]
I've got a surprise
for you two.
I know what you're
thinking, okay?
You think KidShield is just
a suped up FitBit, am I right?
But that is because,
and I'm just gonna get this
on your wrist really quick,
you have not seen the amazing
companion product, KidDome.
-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
-So, KidDome leverages
the amazing technology inside
your standard KidShield
to create a comprehensive,
and I'm just gonna get this
-around your waist.
-Noah, Noah, please.
Noah, he has to go.
-Please stop.
-Now this leverages
the amazing technology
inside of KidShield
to create a comprehensive
injury prevention system.
When your kid's vitals
indicate extreme danger, right,
extreme danger, then poof!
Right? KidDome.
It deploys to create full
-360-degree protection.
-Noah.
Really, Noah,
this isn't necessary!
I promise that this is
gonna blow you away.
-[voice] Heartrate elevated.
-No, thank you!
-[beeping]
-[voice] Sit down.
Think happy thoughts.
-[explodes]
-[Rose gasps]
[gasps]
[footsteps thudding]
[Gracie snarling]
-Gracie!
-No biting! No!
-[Gracie snarls]
-[Walker screams]
[scream echoing]
-[chimes jingling]
-[pen scratching]
[pen continues scratching]
Uh, those aren't ornamental.
-Sorry.
-Mm-hmm.
Dr. Norma.
Okay.
So after Noah
forgot about your pitch,
and after he didn't respond
to any of your texts
he pitched his own
company to your investor,
he hijacked your product,
it exploded...
injuring the investor,
at which point your daughter...
-Gracie.
-Thank you.
Um, Gracie bit
the investor's nose?
Yes.
How did that make you feel?
-I was terrified.
-[Rose sighs]
[Noah]
I thought he was gonna
lose the nose completely.
Thank you, Noah.
Um, let's try
not to invalidate
anyone's feelings,
okay, Rose?
Now, how did that
make you feel?
I felt mortified.
And betrayed and little.
It's like no matter
how hard I work,
no matter how much I do
to keep this family afloat...
it's-- it's never enough.
Nobody is asking
you to work so much.
She could easily scale back.
We made plenty
of money last year.
I made plenty
of money last year,
scraping plaque off
of people's teeth.
Meanwhile, Noah gets to sit
on his channel all day,
-which he loves
more than anything.
-Because it's not like
I'm also taking care
of our children.
But the moment that I start
chasing a dream of my own,
I'm an absent mother
who works too much.
Now, to be fair,
Noah never said
you were an absent mother.
He simply said he was willing
to support you if you
wanted to scale back
from that horrendous
job of yours.
Now that being said,
it's perfectly natural
in your position to feel
that you are, in fact,
abandoning your family for
the shot at a new career.
But is it really fair
to lash out at Noah
because of your
own insecurities?
No.
Very good.
I feel like we're just making
such great progress today.
Noah, do you wanna
tell me a little bit
about this channel of yours?
Yeah, we produce
all kinds of content
for survivalists, preppers,
-the whole
post-apocalyptic crowd.
-It's a vlog.
A vlog.
He lives
in his own little world
teaching strangers
on the Internet
how to survive
a zombie apocalypse.
Meanwhile, I have to
take care of the small,
insignificant things
like mortgage payments,
college funds,
retirement savings,
because, I don't know, someone
might need to be an adult.
[Noah sighs]
[Rose sighs]
Just because I actually
spend time with the kids
doesn't mean I'm not an adult.
I normally save this
kind of intervention
for several sessions
down the road...
but I think you need
it more than most.
[Rose] What is this?
This is my prescription.
One weekend together,
the whole family,
in a cabin in the woods.
No work.
No livestreaming.
No electronic
devices whatsoever.
How does that sound?
Like the opening
to a horror movie.
-Mm.
-[Rose sighs]
It might be scarier
than you think.
For the first time
in a long time...
you won't have
any distractions
from the fractures
in your marriage.
[radio]
Oh, the river
-Are we there yet?
-[Gracie screaming]
This melody
I have to pee!
[elastic creaking]
-[popcorn clattering]
-[children yelling]
[gas gauge chiming]
We should stop for gas.
[van whooshes]
What are you doing?
We can make it.
[gas gauge chiming]
Doesn't make sense.
Maybe we ran outta gas?
No, no, no, no, no.
Every manufacturer builds in
about 30 miles reserve fuel,
so probably something
else, unfortunately.
Well, we can't be
too far, right?
Daddy, are we lost?
No. No.
If we're lost, do we
have to drink our own pee?
Are we lost?
We're saved!
[girls giggling]
[Noah chuckles]
Welcome to paradise.
[girls squealing]
[growling]
This is nice.
I love it.
[Elizabeth] Hi, Daddy!
Hi, girls.
Check it out.
I found samurai armor.
Nice! We found snare poles!
[Noah] Awesome.
[Noah chuckles]
Hang on to your britches
We're blowing
In the breeze
[beds thudding]
[Noah laughs]
-[Noah grunts]
-[girls laughing]
-[Noah screams]
-[pillows thudding]
Girls. Hey.
Do we jump
on the beds at home?
[Elizabeth] No, Mommy.
But we're not at home,
are we?
-[Rose squeals]
-[pillows thudding]
No!
All these things
I hold on to
They all fade
[all] Oh!
-Don't touch the--
-[table rumbles]
-[blocks clattering]
-[all cheering]
Where could I go
For a better view
[Gracie chomping]
What could I hold on to
[both laughing]
I know, I know, I know.
[faucet running]
Hon, why don't I finish up
here and you can go relax?
Yeah?
-Sure.
-[strings cracking]
-[hand whooshes]
-[foot whooshes]
[crickets chirping]
[Noah whistling]
[owl hooting]
[snarling]
[garbage clattering]
[Noah whistling]
[continues whistling]
[pants unzipping]
[wheelchair rumbles]
[Walker sighs]
I present to you, KidDome.
[Rose] Upstairs.
[notification chimes]
[Noah]
Hey, guys.
I know I said I wasn't
filming this weekend,
but I just wanted to hop on,
share a quick tip,
and make sure you guys know
that I haven't
forgotten about you.
[snarls]
Um...
[snarls]
Um, hello?
[snarling]
[snarling continues]
[snarling]
No. No!
This is not
the weekend, man.
You got to get out of here.
You got to get out of here.
If my wife sees you
she will k*ll me.
Come on.
No. No meet and greets
this weekend, you got it?
I don't wanna see
anybody else out here.
[Noah]
In a hostile situation,
you need to keep
your wits about you.
Speed and agility
are the key to survival.
-[groaning]
-[trashcans clattering]
And whatever you do,
don't...get...eaten.
[both grunting]
[both grunting]
[both grunting]
-[Noah groans]
-[trashcans clattering]
-[Noah groaning]
-[chomping]
-[lid clangs]
-[body thuds]
[Noah grunting]
[Noah panting]
[breathing heavily]
This is not a drill.
This is not a drill.
I was just attacked
by someone...
or something.
I can't be certain,
but this looks like--
[chuckles]
this looks like it could be
a legitimate encounter with--
[Rose] Noah?
[cellphone beeps]
[pants zipping]
-Rose?
-Hey, hon.
-Hey.
-Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, just some...
[Noah chuckles]
I forgot to tie my laces.
Did you forget to zip
your pants too?
Uh, yeah,
and to zip my pants.
[both chuckling]
You're so right.
Yeah, you're probably
freezing.
Yeah, I'm just
kind of like--
when Nature calls,
you just kinda, like...
-I, uh--
-What happened?
No, I-- I took a spill,
but everything's fine.
I can clean it up, Rose.
I know what this looks like.
[Rose] Are you okay?
Did you hit your head?
No, I-- no, I--
I think I'm okay.
I'm fine.
[Rose]
All right. It's cold.
[Noah] Yeah.
[trashcans clattering]
[zombie snarls]
-[Rose] Sure you're okay?
-[Noah] Yeah, I'm fine.
Mm. It's so peaceful
out here, huh?
Uh-huh.
I've got an idea.
Yeah?
How about a hot,
steamy shower?
That is a great idea.
-[knob squeaks]
-[shower running]
Enjoy your pamper time.
[door squeaks]
[door closes]
-[suitcase zips]
-[objects clattering]
[cellphone chiming]
[sighs]
This is it.
[crickets chirping]
[Noah sighs]
All right, you guys, I have
no idea what's going on.
We have multiple
bogies confirmed
and they have all
of the classic symptoms.
[keyboard clacking]
If you have been following
my channel for awhile,
then you know that
my program, it's designed
to prepare you for anything.
We only use zombies
because it is worst case
scenario, all right?
I never thought
I'd have to defend
my family
from actual zombies.
[window pops]
[window pops]
I hope that everyone
is okay out there.
If this is the epicenter,
we may have a chance
to stop it,
but if this thing
is already spreading,
then this could be
the beginning of the end.
You all know that
I'm a praying man.
[exhales]
[zombie groans]
Please, God,
keep me alert
-for my family.
-[comment beeps]
God, please help
Rose to understand
that this is not
my fault, that...
[comments beeping]
Okay, who's the atheist?
[zombie snarling]
[zombie snarling]
No.
[glass squeaking]
[knives clattering]
-[glass squeaking]
-[Noah panting]
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
What if this guy's
not a zombie?
This could be
biological warfare.
There could be a cure
or I don't know, like,
really bad psoriasis
with Ebola.
I don't know.
Oh.
-[cellphone beeps]
-[laptop beeps]
-[laptop beeps]
-[Walker sighs]
[zombie breathing heavily]
Hey, girls.
You are supposed
to be asleep right now.
And you were supposed to
leave your phone at home.
Mom said no videos today.
Sweetheart, Daddy
did a bad thing.
I shouldn't have
brought my phone.
But this is not one
of Daddy's friends.
This is an...
actual zombie.
-[all gasp]
-A real zombie?
-It's happening!
-Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Girls, your mother
is gonna hear you.
You're not gonna tell Mom?
I-- I am gonna tell Mom,
just not right away.
Why not?
Girls, I wanna
show you something,
but I need you to promise me
that you're not going to shout.
[numbers whooshing]
Wait, what?
Holy moly!
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Yes, yes.
400,000 people
are looking to us
to show them how
to survive the night.
-This is the big time.
-That's epic.
If we tell your mother,
then she's going to
make us call the cops.
And if we call the cops,
then no more streaming.
So the way that I see it
is we can always tell Mommy
if we absolutely have to,
but until that point,
we might as well
ride the wave,
like, all the way
to the top.
Let's do it, Daddy.
Yeah?
What do we do this guy?
[glass squeaking]
[Noah sighs]
[zombie snarling]
[body thuds]
[door rumbles]
[door thuds]
[girls screaming]
Hi, you little rascals.
What are you up to?
We were just getting
a midnight snack.
-Oh, a midnight snack.
-Yeah, yeah.
Okay, go to bed.
Come on, give me some love.
Okay, ladies,
quick hugs for Mom
and then right to bed, okay?
-Love you.
-[Gracie] Right to bed!
Right to bed.
What do you think,
breakfast in the morning
and then take the girls
for a nice hike in the woods?
[girls laughing]
-[zombies snarling]
-[girls screaming]
[screaming]
[crickets chirping]
That'd be awesome.
Noah,
the last few years
have been... hard.
I'm really glad
that we're out here
trying for a fresh start.
Me, too.
[kisses]
[light switch clicks]
[Noah sighs]
Goodnight.
[Gracie] I'm cold.
Nice out, huh?
I love this.
-[zombie groaning]
-[indistinct chatter]
[Rose]
Oh, what a nice day.
-Okay, girls, we going this way?
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-What?
-I think this way.
All right. Girls, come on.
Daddy wants to go this way.
Gracie, come on, babe.
[indistinct chatter]
[zombie snarling]
[zombie snarling]
[leaves rustling]
-[Noah grunting]
-[branch clacking]
You okay?
-Yeah.
-Did a little tumble?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Okay.
[whispering]
Rose? Rose!
Rose!
Girls?
Girls! Rose!
-I got you!
-[grunts]
[Rose laughing]
Girls, come on, it's okay!
We got him! [laughs]
You-- oh,
you're really scared.
[Noah sighs]
I don't know about you guys,
but I vote for a family nap.
I second that!
[girls] No!
-[Noah groans]
-I wanna play!
[girls]
Play, play, play,
-play, play, play, play!
-[Noah laughing]
Okay, okay!
-No naps. Let's play.
-[Rose clapping]
You should take a nap, Mommy.
You deserve it.
No, I wanna play
with you guys.
Sometimes, we just
want to play with Daddy.
Okay. Okay.
I'll go take a nap.
Rose? Rose.
[door thuds]
[Rose sniffling]
That was not cool.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
-What were you thinking?
-[Gracie snarling]
[Gracie chomps]
[zombies groaning]
Girls, you're on
aerial support.
[grunting]
[singer vocalizing]
This is it, people.
Multiple bogies confirmed on
the other side of this house.
Nah, nah, nah.
We gotta get those margins up.
Hang on, I got another
call coming in.
What's our status, Eagle-One?
Targets have migrated
to the South corner.
[zombies groaning]
[Noah] Give me
a two-stage diversion.
[toilet paper whooshes]
[thuds]
[zombies snarling]
[toilet paper whooshes]
Nice.
[zombie snarling]
[Elizabeth] Dad!
Zombie incoming!
[zombie snarling]
[bag thuds]
Nice!
[zombie snarling]
[bodies thudding]
-[zombies snarling]
-[Noah grunting]
-[teapot clangs]
-D'oh!
[notification chimes]
[groans]
Friendly fire!
Call off the as*ault!
[Elizabeth] Sorry, Daddy.
[door clacks]
[window pops]
[interface popping]
-[window clicks]
-[window chimes]
[interface popping]
[window clicks]
All right, welcome, everyone,
to "Don't Get Eaten."
No combat training today.
No zombies today.
I'm here with my amazing wife,
my amazing family,
and my very excited
birthday girl.
[Elizabeth]
Pinata, pinata!
[Noah] Uh, I don't know
what you're talking about.
Pinata, do you know anything
about a pinata?
-No, I don't know.
-[Noah] Oh, this pinata.
This one right here.
-Check that out.
-It's a zombie-ata!
-[girls screaming]
- Ah, oh,
it's gonna get you!
It's gonna get you!
Ah! Okay, all right.
Would you like
to do the honors?
-All right, okay.
-Please. Thank you.
All right, girls,
get your swinging arms ready.
-[girls cheering]
-Yeah!
-Hang on.
-[cellphone buzzing]
Hang on,
I got to take this.
-[Noah]
You gotta take that now?
-Mom!
-Gotta take that right now?
-Mom!
[Noah]
Girls, girls, come back.
It's okay.
Mom will be right back.
I'll get this all set up
for you.
-We got it, okay?
-[girl squeals]
[Noah] Okay,
three, two, one.
[bat thudding]
-[door rumbling]
-[head thudding]
-[Noah grunting]
-[zombies groaning]
[door rumbling]
-[door thuds]
-[lock rattling]
Yeah! That was awesome!
Did you guys see that?
Did you...
Oh, come on! Come on!
[Elizabeth] Wait a second.
This isn't candy!
-[notification buzzing]
-[Noah] It's even better
than candy!
-It's dehydrated
mac and cheese!
-[laughing]
-[girls groaning]
-[Noah laughs]
[notification chimes]
[Noah]
It was epic!
As long as Rose stays
out of the shed,
-we might survive the weekend.
-[laptop lid thuds]
If there are any more,
we're gonna need a secondary
place to stash them.
[Rose] Noah?
Hello!
-Hey, hello.
-Hello, Noah.
What are you doing out here?
I... am hanging out.
What's the armor for?
Uh, this is just nothing.
Really for nothing, just-
In case your wife
tries to m*rder you?
[laughing]
That's a crazy thing to say.
That is so silly. No.
Why would she want to do that?
I do not know.
Is there any reason
that you can think of
that your wife would be
so angry at this moment
that she would
want to m*rder you?
No?
I can't think of anything.
Great. [chuckles]
Well, we're out of fire wood.
You think there's
an ax in the shed?
The shed? No, nope.
I checked for an ax
specifically twice,
two times,
and there isn't one in there.
Sad, really.
I'll just triple check.
Rose. Rose!
Stop. Rose, stop!
-[zombie snarling]
-[Rose screaming]
-[Noah grunting]
-[foot stomping]
[zombie groans]
Shh. Rose.
Noah, why is there
a man in the shed?
It's not a man,
it's a zombie.
Of course it is.
Of course!
You should be ashamed of...
[zombies snarling]
[gasps]
[exhales]
Why are there four people
hiding in the shed?
[Noah sighs]
Rose, they're
no longer people.
[sighs]
[Noah groans]
Rose, please!
Why are you doing this, Noah?
This whole weekend was supposed
to be about us, our family.
Look, I am sorry that
our weekend is coinciding
with the apocalypse,
but I promise you,
-I had nothing--
-Stop lying to me!
Rose, shh.
[zombies snarling]
Noah.
We have to go inside.
Now!
[lock clicks]
Noah, what's going on?
What do you mean,
"What is going on?"
We are at the epicenter
of the zombie apocalypse.
The first one showed
up last night.
-Last night?
-Yes.
You knew about
this last night
and you didn't say
anything to me?
Rose, you're not exactly
keeping your composure.
If I'm not keeping
my composure,
maybe it's because there's
hippies tripping on bath salts
outside of our cabin and you
decided to kidnap them
and then broadcast
it on the Internet.
Any other day, it would
be okay for you to treat
my life's work like
a dumb hobby, but right now,
I need you to accept the fact
that I was right
and that this is happening!
[zombie snarling]
[zombie snarling]
-Noah, give me your phone.
-[Noah inhales]
We need to call the police.
Where is your phone?
I don't wanna say.
[zombies groaning]
Perfect.
If we create a diversion,
then I can slip out and--
I think you've had enough
good ideas for today.
-Where are you going?
-I'm calling the police!
[Rose sighs]
Okay.
[door squeaks]
That's good. That's good.
-[door closes]
-Good idea.
[laptop beeping]
-No, no, no, no, no.
-What? It's okay.
-We can fix this.
-No, no. This is bad.
It's okay. Don't freak out.
It's okay.
We'll just get the charger.
Where is the charger?
Babe, where did you
put the charger?
I didn't pack the charger.
You didn't pack a charger?
I was trying to hide it and
the charger's a little bulky.
Fair enough.
I wasn't gonna say anything,
but since you brought it up--
Oh, you think this is similar?
[Noah]
We both brought devices.
Oh, no, you're right!
You are so right.
This is exactly the same
thing as what you did.
I brought this laptop
because in the aftermath of
your assassination attempt
on the only investor who has
ever taken my work seriously,
I was holding on to this tiny,
stupid thread of hope
that when he comes out from
his medically induced coma,
that he still might
want to help me,
and I didn't want to
miss the email, Noah.
[zombies snarling]
[snarling continues]
[zombies groaning]
Meanwhile, you have been acting
just so mature,
so wonderful, so responsible.
-That is not fair.
-Hiding zombies in the shed!
[zombies groaning]
[zombie snarls]
[leaves rustling]
Hello. Did you miss us?
Now let's push the Saudi call
to Monday.
Something just came up.
-[rattling]
-[Elizabeth] We're gonna
call the cops.
-Everything's under control.
-[door rumbling]
[door rumbling]
[zombies growling]
[Noah] Hey! Over here!
-Over here!
-Hey! Hey!
-Hey! Over here!
-Hey! Hey!
-Hey!
-[zombies snarling]
[snarling continues]
[belt beeping]
[audio slows]
[belt beeping faster]
Mommy!
[booms]
[Noah wheezing]
[zombies groaning]
Elizabeth! Elizabeth?
I'm okay, Mommy.
[Rose sobbing]
[zombies snarling]
Noah?
Stay close to me.
[zombie grunts]
[body thuds]
[Noah screaming]
-[Rose] Go!
-[Noah panting]
[Noah groans]
[Rose grunting]
Get back! Get back!
Get back! Get back!
[zombie groaning]
[Elizabeth screaming]
-[Rose screams]
-[lid clangs]
-[Rose screaming]
-[zombies groaning]
-[Noah] Go!
-[Rose screams]
Get back! Get back!
Get back!
Get back!
Come on, come on!
Come on! [yelps]
Come on, Mom!
Move! Move!
[zombies groaning]
[Rose yelps]
Pull the lever!
I am pulling.
Pull the lever!
Pull, pull, pull!
Rose, pull the lever!
The lever. Pull the lever.
-Oh!
-[air hissing]
-[door slams]
-[lock clicking]
Oh, come here.
Come here. Oh!
Good job, you guys.
That was really, really
good team work.
Come on.
You, too, come on.
[Rose panting]
I thought we weren't
gonna make it.
I thought so, too.
You were amazing out there.
Mommy smashed
a zombie in the face!
-What, what?
-[Noah laughs]
Who do you guys think
trained with Daddy
before you came along, huh?
-[girls] Uh... you?
-[Noah laughs]
I can't believe this
thing actually works.
It has some kinks to work out,
but if you wanna invest,
I will let you in
on the ground floor.
Oh, you would let me invest
in the patented technology
you stole from me?
-Thank you so much!
-Yeah, yeah!
I'd seriously consider it.
We make a really good team.
The family that slays
together, stays together!
-[Rose laughs]
-[bang on door]
[zombies groaning]
We need to secure the house.
[Noah] This is no longer
our vacation house.
This is our fortress.
We'll keep the shades drawn,
barricade the points of entry.
[Rose] I'll make
my grandmother's salsa.
[Noah] Ooh!
Muy caliente.
If everything goes
according to plan,
we can sit tight
and wait this thing out.
[Rose] And just in case
things go sideways,
we'll have an escape plan.
Better to be safe than sorry.
[Noah] We've been training
for this moment
for the past 12 years.
We are ready.
Remember, girls,
this is w*r.
-[zombies groaning]
-[footsteps pattering]
"And finally they found
a perfect cucumber plant,
and they moved
all their things
and they lived
happily for ever after
in that cucumber plant."
[crickets chirping]
[door squeaks]
[door thuds]
[doorknob rattling]
They go down okay?
Yeah, they're exhausted.
What's the status out there?
Um...
I mean, it's been quiet
since the sun went down.
-[zombie snarling]
-[footsteps rustling]
[camera clattering]
[comments chiming]
[Noah]
You should get some sleep.
-I can't.
-Yeah, I got this.
I can handle the first watch.
Sure you can.
Ouch.
Forgive me, Noah,
if I've lost some confidence
in you this weekend.
I mean, there wasn't
that much to start with.
[Rose sighs]
[zombies snarling]
[wind blowing]
I don't understand
why you didn't
just tell me when
everything started.
I don't know what
you want me to say.
That it was all my fault?
[sighs]
I just-- I didn't think
that you would believe me.
That's fair.
I think in the beginning,
I was just gathering evidence.
And then, all of a sudden,
the channel took off,
and there were millions
of people who were listening
to me.
And they were, I don't know,
they were cheering me on.
It felt like
they had my back.
Like they wanted to hear
what I had to say.
It just--
it felt good to me.
Like I was the hero instead
of the failure for once.
I don't think you're
a failure, Noah.
But we almost lost
Elizabeth today.
I need you to take
care of our family
before you take care of
the rest of the world, okay?
Rose, I am really--
[floor creaks]
[zombie snarling]
[snarling continues]
-[floor creaks]
-[zombie snarling]
[doorknob rattling]
[Rose screams]
[girls screaming]
[screams]
[Rose screaming]
-[Noah screams]
-[comments chiming]
-[Noah grunting]
-[bottle spraying]
[Noah] Back! Back!
[zombies groaning]
Back! Back!
-[zombies groaning]
-[indistinct shouting]
-Chair!
-Fork! I've got a fork!
-Fork?
-I've got a fork.
[both screaming]
-[bottle thuds]
-[Noah] Move back!
[thuds]
-[girls shouting]
-[slingshots firing]
Stay away from our house!
-[stuffed animals thudding]
-[zombies groaning]
-[girls shouting]
-[zombies groaning]
Noah! Noah, the girls!
The girls!
[Noah screaming]
-[body thuds]
-Come on.
[zombies snarling]
[Noah screaming]
[comments chiming]
Girls, go get in your room.
Come on, get in your room!
-Go, go!
-[Noah screams]
[zombies groaning]
[Noah grunting]
[bodies thudding]
[Rose sighs]
What do we do?
[zombies snarling]
Don't get eaten.
Okay.
[Noah screaming]
[zombie screams]
[body thuds]
[exhales]
[zombies snarl]
Ow.
What the heck, man?
We had an agreement.
No serious bodily harm.
[zombie]
This is pretty serious, man!
We're doing Hamlet
at the VFW next weekend
and you almost
k*lled our Horatio.
You better have some serious
worker's comp, buddy,
'cause we're gonna sue
you for all you've got.
Yeah, we need an ambulance.
2417 West Jackson Road.
Here you go, Noah.
[chuckles]
Hope everything works out.
I'm a really big fan.
[chuckles]
Your kids, so cute.
Thank you.
Okay. Bye. [chuckles]
[Noah] Rose.
I have no idea
what's going on.
[air hissing]
[strap clicks]
[Noah] Hi.
I don't know what to say.
Um...
Thank you...
to everyone
who has been supporting
my channels
throughout the years.
It has been really,
really, really fun.
And...
the zombies
were not real.
Um, they're actors.
And I don't know who hired them,
and it doesn't matter.
[sighs]
This weekend
I learned something.
Um, I think
what really matters
is taking care
of your family,
and...
I don't think
I've been doing that.
I am going to miss
you guys a lot.
And this has got to be
my last episode.
Keep up your training.
And remember,
don't get eaten.
[cellphone buzzing]
[cellphone clicks]
Hello?
Noah, are you okay?
I was just watching
the livestream.
Dr. Norma?
I'm so sorry that
the weekend didn't go
the way that you wanted it to.
I don't want you to blame
yourself, though.
You are a wonderful man
and a terrific father.
Maybe when you get
back into town,
you can make an appointment
for a one-on-one session,
you know,
to unpack everything.
Please don't call here again.
-[cellphone clicks]
-[line beeping]
[door opens]
What's going on, Daddy?
I don't know.
You know, those
zombies were not real.
They weren't real, okay?
Mommy thinks that
Daddy hired them,
but I would never
do that to Mom.
We believe you, Daddy.
Thank you, honey.
-Yeah.
-[Noah laughs]
[crickets chirping]
[Norma] Rose?
Dr. Norma?
What are you doing here?
I saw what happened.
I came to help.
[actor]
There you are, Norma.
You lied to us.
You said Noah was in on it.
You said
no one would get hurt.
-[blow dart whooshes]
-[dart thuds]
-[body thuds]
-[gasps]
-[blow dart whooshes]
-[cellphone beeping]
[voice]
Low heartrate detected.
Low heart rate detected.
Low heart rate detected.
Low heart rate detected.
Low heartrate...
[armor clatters]
Rose?
Rose?
Where's my wife?
-[Norma grunting]
-[Rose groaning]
Norma lied to us.
She took Rose.
[engine strating]
Rose!
Rose!
Rose!
Rose!
Norma has Rose!
Please, I need your help.
"From this point forth,
my thoughts be bloody,
or be nothing worth."
What does that mean?
Nobody does revenge
like Shakespeare.
[engine starting]
Norma, please.
Don't you dare play
the victim, Rose.
We both know you're getting
exactly what you deserve.
Doesn't this thing
go any faster?
What do you expect?
No one supports the arts
anymore.
How am I supposed
to find them
if we can't outta first gear?
With this!
Hello. I'd like to report
a kidnapping.
[Norma]
All the good ones are taken.
That's what my
mother always said.
But she never taught me
how to take one for myself.
But you know what?
I think I got it figured out.
Just treat 'em like dirt
and poop on their dreams,
isn't that right, Rose?
How could you
treat him like that?
He's such a good man!
No, I'm telling you,
she's armed and dangerous.
She's got a blow dart g*n.
-No, it's not a joke.
-[line beeping]
-She hung up on me!
-Left on Monroe!
[tires squealing]
Don't worry, Rose, I still
got 30 miles in the tank.
We're gaining on her!
Come on, Dad,
pedal to the metal!
[tires squealing]
This is all your fault, Rose!
I had really planned on
our last session being
someplace a little
more therapeutic,
but I guess if you
want to bury the past,
you might as well do it
where nobody's gonna find it.
[Elizabeth] Turn here!
[engine sputtering]
Girls, I need you to stay
here with, um-- with...
Um, hi. It's Stacy.
And just because
I'm the only girl here,
doesn't make me
the designated babysitter.
We don't need
a babysitter, Dad!
Yeah, we're coming with you!
No, girls. It isn't safe.
I'm great with kids.
Okay, that settles it.
[whispers] Rose.
[Noah] Rose.
[floor creaking]
[door creaks]
[door creaks]
[Norma] Noah!
Norma. Hi.
It is so good to see you.
Yes, you, too.
I know what you did.
You do?
Yes, and I came
here to apologize.
You did?
Yes. I...
am sorry for what
I said on the phone.
Rose had left the cabin
and I was--
I was alone
and I was confused.
Noah, I completely
understand.
You've been through so much.
I know you're probably in
a great deal of pain right now,
but I want you to focus
on the positive.
[Noah chuckles]
Think about all the good that's
come out of this weekend.
Think about your channel.
-1.2 million subscribers!
-[Noah laughs]
It's more than we ever
could've dreamed of!
[Noah] Yeah.
But-- but-- but I shut
the channel down.
But you can fix that.
-No, no.
-You can fix that.
Norma, I can't.
I can't fix it.
Not alone.
The channel is too large
and I need a cohost.
Are you asking me?
Yeah. Yeah.
There's nobody
else that I trust.
-[squeals]
-[Noah laughing]
[Norma]
I would be honored.
[objects clattering]
No.
[body thuds]
-[dart whooshes]
-[dart thuds]
-[dart whooshes]
-[dart thuds]
[body thuds]
[laughs]
Noah! You taught me
better than that.
-[dart whooshes]
-[dart thuds]
[head thuds]
Let's go, ladies!
Good luck!
Noah, that was
really hurtful.
How could you
be so ungrateful?
I gave you everything
you have ever dreamed of.
[cellphone beeps]
Hi, everyone.
And thank you for tuning in
to this episode of
"Don't Get Eaten."
As you saw
on the last episode,
Noah's taking
a little hiatus.
I'm Norma, I'm a special
friend of Noah's
and he's asked me
to take over
his channel
for a little while.
He's going through
a messy divorce.
[Noah] Rose.
Uh, don't worry, though,
he'll be back soon.
He loves this channel
more than anything
in the whole world.
She's wrong, Rose!
[Norma] Noah's having
a hard time accepting
that Rose abandoned him.
-[Noah groans]
-[Norma chuckles]
Did she ever
support his dreams?
You and the girls--
[Norma] Did she ever
actually love him?
You're everything
to me, Rose.
[crying]
Stop it, Noah! Stop it!
Rose doesn't deserve you!
-[dart whooshes]
-[dart thuds]
[Noah exhales]
Look what you made me do.
[comments chiming]
-[comments chiming]
-[keyboard clacking]
Go eat some freeze-dried
bunker rations, losers.
How long have you been watching
this channel?
10 minutes?
I've been with him
for 10 years!
I am sorry.
[Norma] You don't know him
-like I do.
-I'm sorry for everything.
[Norma] Nobody does!
I am sorry
for ruining your pitch.
[Norma] I was his
first subscriber.
It's okay.
And I am so sorry that
my stalker kidnapped you.
[Norma]
This is how he treats me.
I'm sorry that I made
you feel like a failure.
No.
[Norma] This weekend
was supposed to be
a special surprise for Noah!
I've been planning
it for months!
[Rose]
You're not a failure, Noah.
[Norma] I made a zombie
apocalypse just for him!
You're the best
father to our girls.
[Norma] But does he
appreciate my gift?
But I have been
being a lousy husband.
[Norma] I show him
the truth about Rose,
and I proved that
she never loved him!
Please forgive me.
[Norma] She never
believed in him!
Not like I did.
Noah and I...
Rose, I thought
that we were--
[Norma]
...meant to be together.
No!
[Gracie chomps]
-No.
-[Norma] I have some unfinished
business to attend to.
-See you next week, everyone!
-No!
[Norma] And remember,
-don't get eaten.
-[Gracie snarling]
-[Gracie grunts]
-[Norma screams]
-[cellphone thuds]
-[Elizabeth screams]
[Norma screams]
[Norma gasps]
-[dart whooshes]
-[dart thuds]
Rude.
-[Gracie snarling]
-[body thuds]
[Rose]
You did it! You did it!
[Rose laughs]
You guys, you did it!
You did it!
-Thank you
for saving us, Gracie.
-[girls] Yeah!
Okay, but seriously,
that was a one-time thing.
No more biting, okay?
-Okay, Mommy.
-Okay.
Oh! The family that slays
together, stays together!
-[girls cheering]
-[Rose yelps]
[girls laughing]
[cheers]
Ooh. [laughs]
[Gracie] Hey, hey!
[Rose] Girls, you did amazing!
I am so proud of you!
[Noah]
Girls, where are you?
Oh, oh, oh!
-[girls laughing]
-[car horn honks]
-It's Walker!
-[Noah laughs]
[Noah] Oh.
All right, let's go say hi.
Hope he's in a good mood.
-[Noah] That's Walker!
-[Rose] Yeah, come on.
-[Walker laughs]
-[Noah] Hey!
-Look who it is!
-Hey, you two!
Caught the livestream
this week.
You two are a pretty
good team after all.
I've instructed my office to
wire you some startup capital.
We'll need to get a formal
contract signed.
Walker, that's so sweet.
Thank you.
We're actually
all set, though.
We've decided on more of
a crowdfunding approach.
Crowdfunding? [chuckles]
Come on, your product
needs scale to succeed.
You'll never
be able to compete
without some serious backing.
Well, we've managed to get
a few orders so far.
-Thanks to Noah's channel.
-A few million orders.
[Walker laughs]
Well, we've all got to
start somewhere, don't we?
It's been a real pleasure,
Mr. and Mrs. Mickelberg.
-Bye.
-Thanks for stopping by.
[dog barking]
-[cans spraying]
-Whoa!
-[screaming]
-[laughing]
[Rose] Okay, stop!
Okay, okay, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop!
[Noah laughs]
[Gracie snarls]
[Rose] Gracie, no biting.
If you go to Cali,
A dream I never got to know
I'm growing old,
I packed my bags
And I don't like
To be alone
But if you go,
Just spread your wings
That I never had to grow
You are never ever out
There on your own, oh
I am all the things
I have done
I am all the things
I want
Gotta think about it
Gotta dream about it
Gotta find the way
To do the things
That make you
Feel the love
Gotta think about it
Gotta dream about it
Gotta find the way
To do the things
That make you
Feel the love
Let's go down the valley,
Places I have never been
Ride on Sunset Boulevard
With the top down
For the scene
And if you want
To join the ride
We'll be perfect
On the screen
I never gave up on my
California dreams, no
I am all the things
I have done
I am all the things
I want
Gotta think about it
Gotta dream about it
Gotta find the way
To do the things
That make you
Feel the love
Gotta think about it
Gotta dream about it
Gotta find the way
To do the things
That make you
Feel the love
Oh
Oh
All the things
That I have done
Oh
Gotta think about it
Gotta dream about it
Gotta find the way
To do the things
That make you
Feel the love
Gotta think about it
Gotta dream about it
Gotta find the way
To do the things
That make you
Feel the love
Gotta think about it
Gotta dream about it
Gotta find the way
To do the things
That make you
Feel the love
Gotta think about it
Gotta dream about it
Gotta find the way
To do the things
That make you
Feel the love
[music fades]
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