01x06 - The Yips

[bunniefuu]

One, two, three ♪

As the only girl in my family,

I've always been underestimated.

I know, you're like, "Stop being

a little b*tch and shut up about this."

But when your dad treats you

like an adorable, useless little princess,

you're not included in a lot of rooms.

What the hell is wrong with you?

You're supposed to be the smart one!

Get out of my sight!

Like, for instance, his office,

or as we called it,

the Temple of Doom.

Jack Gordon loved setting

ridiculously high expectations

for his sons.

What is in your head?

Do you have actual sh*t for brains?

And then screaming at them

when they didn't live up to them.

I need you to think before you act.

I'm not raising a dumbass.

Despite my issues with him,

Dad never yelled at me.

But maybe he should have.

Because it would've prepared me

for moments like this.

We suck, and you're the team president.

I wanna know what you're gonna do

to stop the sucking.

Let's try to look at the positives.

The Sephora sponsorship is working great.

Sure, I left some money on the table

in the streaming deal.

But remember,

every morning when I wake up,

I am breaking a glass ceiling.

The fans love glass ceilings.

They go to the games, and they buy

their kids little glass ceiling jerseys.

-What are you talking about?

-We've lost five games in a row.

I'm at all of them, Ness.

I know how we're doing.

This is the worst record

we've had in years.

Viewership is slipping,

ad dollars are down,

and now there's no Hoopli deal to help us.

I didn't realize

I was walking into an ambush.

Is there anything else you'd like

to criticize about me?

Certain angles of

your ponytail makes you look bald.

We should talk changes.

I think we should cut Dyson. He's sh**ting

12% from the free-throw line.

-That's lower than Archie Chambers.

-Archie Chambers from the '60s?

Yes, and he lost his eye

in the Korean w*r.

-Thank him for his service.

-But Dyson is sh**ting 45% from three.

But in the fourth quarter, they foul him,

knowing he'll miss the free throws.

I still believe in Dyson.

This is a guy who was scoring

24 points a game earlier this season.

For the Long Beach Raccoons.

They share an arena with a megachurch.

It's called the big leagues for a reason.

Even if we fix Dyson,

this team is still a mess.

Right now, we're not making the playoffs,

and the trade deadline is approaching.

Well, the nuclear option

is to trade Marcus.

We'd probably get three first-round picks

and a younger all-star for him.

Trade Marcus Winfield?

That's insane.

Ness, back me up.

Obviously, I love Marcus, okay?

He got me and the kids

invited to a Simpsons table read.

But, if we're not gonna make the playoffs,

then maybe it's time we… talk rebuild.

First of all, we don't know

we're not making the playoffs.

Second, we are not getting rid of Marcus.

I know the record doesn't show it,

but this is a winning roster.

As much as I love

getting berated by the three of you,

I have a team to run.

So, if you'll excuse me…

No, wait.

This is my office.

You get out.

And then I will work in here.

-Put your hair down.

-Screw you.

For the record,

I don't think it makes you look bald.

I just think it makes you look mean.

Hey!

Hey, wait up!

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't accept gifts

for the players anymore.

Last time it was just a bunch

of used underwear.

You're so funny, Jackie.

-You know who I am?

-Duh. I'm friends with some players.

I'm Kyler. I saw you on Isla's Insta.

I was like, I didn't know the Gordons

had a hot new baby brother.

They do?

Oh, me!

Oh, thanks, but I'm not a baby.

You're funny.

Give me your phone.

Sorry, I don't have any hands.

Oh, here.

Now you're following me back.

Yeah.

Hey, Coach.

Yo.

Can we talk about Dyson for a second?

Sure. Is it about how he's the worst

free-throw sh**ter in 60 years?

Jay, what is up with this kid?

He can sh**t threes for days,

but can't hit a free throw?

It's the yips, all right?

It's not a skills issue.

We have him working with sh**ting coaches.

I hate psychological sh*t. It's so boring.

What do I do? I called him up here.

I have to make this work.

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news,

but I don't know how long we can play him.

I hear you.

I sound like my mother with vaccines,

but I will do my own research.

-Hey, Marcus.

-Hey.

Hey, man. How's it going?

So, uh, I don't know if you noticed,

but I've been having trouble at the line.

Yeah… it's pretty obvious.

Has it ever happened to you?

No.

All right.

Well, you have any tips?

Yeah. Don't sign a long-term lease.

I'm happy you agreed

to have dinner with me,

even though it took asking you out,

like, five times.

Well, don't get too excited. I mostly

just needed a ride back from work.

Don't think you're forgiven

for bumping our halftime show.

Again, I'm really sorry about that.

And to make up for it,

I read all about Celia Cruz.

Did you know that she was born

in Havana, Cuba?

You're different than most guys

who go after Waves dancers.

-Oh, thank you. Really?

-Mmm.

-Well, what are they like?

-Oh, you know.

Rich, tall, jacked dudes who think they'll

impress you by paying off student loans.

That is incredibly kind.

Maybe you should be dating them.

I know you're from a rich family,

but I can't be bought.

Oh, I have no money.

I famously turned down $2 million

to become my sister's assistant.

You're an idiot.

Listen to you.

You really think I can't speak Spanish?

I was born rolling my Rs.

Cute accent.

So, you're Mexican.

-Yeah. From Boyle Heights.

-Mmm.

And you're…

El Salvadoran?

Born and raised in Lincoln Heights.

No way!

I used to go there

with my mom all the time.

Her favorite restaurant was Maya's Grill.

Maya's my grandmother.

No way!

She is so mean.

She literally charges me

a different amount every time

depending on how I'm dressed.

Don't talk about my grandma that way.

Also, yes, she's very mean.

I had a really nice time. Thank you

for letting me eat all the brown bread.

That was a strategic move.

That way, I had more room

for the cheesecake flan.

I'd maybe go out with you again.

Slow down.

Maybe next time.

My heart beats when I stand in line ♪

What're you up to?

Waiting on the sun… ♪

Headed home for the night.

Moving to the place where we unwind-- ♪

Oh, that's hot.

-Good morning, Dyson.

-Oh, hey, Ms. Gordon.

I got here early

to practice my free throws.

I've been having some trouble at the line.

Yeah, no sh*t.

Dyson, you're really making me look bad.

So, we're gonna have to

think outside the box.

I will do anything. Truly.

Do you know what team

has the best free throw percentage?

Not off the top of my head, no.

The Indian Women's National Team.

They're incredible.

Lights out from the line.

And it's all because of this person.

You're talking about this old lady?

Dyson, this is the sh**ting coach.

Isha Aman.

Isha Aman to you too.

Dyson, that is her name, dude.

Respectfully,

I don't see how this lady can help.

Respectfully, you suck. And I used all of

my Delta miles to get her out here, okay?

First class.

So you will listen to her,

or you will find yourself back

on the Long Beach Raccoons by lunch.

I don't know. She's really old.

And in the last 30 seconds,

she's hit more free throws than you

the entire season.

Now, go and do this.

Uh, we've got a situation here.

Sean Murphy is at it again.

Well-placed sources say the Waves

plan to trade MVP Marcus Winfield.

What the hell is Isla Gordon thinking?

That d*ck.

I want this removed!

Let's see if we can do that.

Who would have told Sean Murphy this?

-I think you should know it wasn't me.

-Jackie, I know it wasn't you.

You can't even dial an outside line.

- That, and I'm hella loyal.

- Oh sh*t.

It's Marcus's agent.

Do you wanna pick it up?

I mean, are you emotionally sound enough

to be ripped a new as*h*le?

That is too vivid.

Give me the phone.

Hey, Clint. How's the Big Apple?

Seen any Broadway shows lately?

Listen to me, you dumb C.

You are so lucky

it's Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

C means cutie, Abigail.

I don't know what that is, honey.

Are you out of your f*cking mind

trying to trade Marcus?

Clint, this is 100% bullshit.

We love Marcus. He's not going anywhere.

-Are you trying to tank your own team?

-No, Clint.

Because if you are, I think I may have

a good sh**ting guard to fill your needs.

-Just signed him. Super cheap.

-I'm not trying to tank the team.

Okay, well,

Marcus feels very disrespected.

He's upset.

He's settled in LA, okay?

His wife just agreed to co-chair

the Baby2Baby Gala with Jen Garner.

We bought a table.

And now he's worried you'll ship him off

to Salt Lake City or some other sh*thole.

I mean, Park City is nice.

Park City is an hour away!

Have you ever been skiing

once in your life?

Look, you need to find the leak,

and you need to plug it,

or Marcus is done.

And if that is the case,

Carl Andrews couldn't be a nicer guy.

He can play the two or the three.

He's very unhappy in Dallas.

Goodbye, Clint.

-Would you say that went well?

-I'd say it went…

Badly.

We are so f*cked.

Thank you for your support, both of you.

What is this?

Please sit down.

My ancient grains bowl

is on my desk getting cold.

- Hey!

- Ow!

What is wrong with you?!

Which one of you is the leak?

Hmm? Which one?

Is that a paintball g*n?

Where did you get that?

From Lev's bachelor party.

Are you serious?

Why wasn't I invited?

I thought we were boys.

Answer the question!

Which one of you talked to Sean Murphy?

-Not me!

-It wasn't me.

Stop it! Are you crazy?

This is Troye Sivan for Bonobos!

You said, trade Marcus.

I shot it down.

And then it just mysteriously shows up on

The Sean Murphy Show? What are the odds?

What would we even get from that?

It's all part of your big plan.

You start the rumor,

make Marcus not trust me,

have the board push me out

so you little f*ck twins

can take over my office

and have your fun little circle jerk.

Hey, hey, hey!

This is offensive, and it's bordering

on h*m*, okay?

Neither of us is the leak,

and you need to get a grip.

He's telling the truth.

We love Marcus,

and when I told him it's all bullshit,

he was so mad he wouldn't even look at me.

Stop! I'm calling HR.

If this ruins my couples' karaoke,

Bituin's gonna kick your a*s.

-Now sh**t.

-sh**t?

No!

Underhand.

What?

You want me to sh**t granny style?

What's wrong with that? I'm a granny.

Right, but you can't expect me to sh**t

like this in front of all my teammates.

-Some of them are really mean.

-Don't forget all the fans.

They are the most cruel.

Okay.

Hey, how's it going?

Isla wanted me to check in on you

as her job is kind of riding on this.

He's a waste of my time.

He won't sh**t underhand.

Do you wanna go back to the D-League?

I mean, didn't you wash the team uniforms?

I'm not sh**ting my free throws underhand.

It's humiliating.

More humiliating than getting fired

because you suck?

I don't know, maybe.

Once you sit in

the worst thing you could imagine,

then you can finally let go of fear

and move on.

That is so beautiful.

I'm ordering you

to take this wise woman's advice.

Okay, fine.

Wow, that… that didn't feel too weird.

I am so happy for you.

Now just keep sh**ting.

-It's about to get hot in this… ♪

-Ooh!

There it is. Whoo!

Wait, Marcus.

Can we talk?

Roy, would you mind moving

to the back seat?

Can you move the seat?

More.

- Look, I--

- More.

I don't know

how this rumor started,

but it's 100% not true.

Marcus, I would never trade you.

I get it. It's just business.

No, it's not business. It's not anything.

Not so long ago,

I was the second pick for Seattle.

They brought me to the stadium.

The whole arena was covered in pictures

of me holding championship trophies.

I was their cornerstone player for life.

I bought a house, moved my mom there,

even gave away all my sunglasses.

A year later, I was gone.

Business.

It was brutal.

You know, I adopted a dog.

I had to leave it in Seattle.

-Couldn't bring it?

-She was a Scottish Terrier.

They need a wet climate,

or she'll get sick.

Roy, you can't bring up Gracie

every time we talk about Seattle.

I'm gonna find out who started this rumor.

I'm going to squash it

even if I have to waterboard Sean Murphy.

Man, get your a*s in the front seat.

I ain't no chauffeur.

Can't tell you how excited we are

to have you on the show finally.

Like, this is a dream for me.

-I played tennis at summer camp.

-Ding-dong, b*tch.

Uh, Isla Gordon?

-Wow. Hi. What are you doing here?

-Tell me who's the leak? Hmm?

I don't know what you mean,

and I'm in the middle of an interview, so…

Just tell whatever wife-beating

Dagestani MMA fighter they can wait,

and turn this off! Turn it off!

It's cool, guys. It's all right.

It is one thing for you to hate me

on your podcast,

which I suspect is 'cause

you're still mad I didn't go home with you

after the Red Bull Christmas party in '08.

Time out.

There were much hotter girls there.

But to make sh*t up

and jeopardize a relationship

with my Most Valuable Player?

You really think

I would trade Marcus Winfield?

Tell me who told you this bullshit!

I am a journalist,

and I would never reveal my sources.

A journalist? You are not a journalist!

You little f*cking sports Frasier!

- You… you mean Mad Dog?

- What?

Mad Dog was the guy

that had the sports show on Frasier.

-Did you ever even watch the show?

-God, you would know. You incel.

Look, I'm sorry that you are

so unpopular in your own organization

that someone you know would come to me.

Maybe if you took

a masterclass in leadership…

Oh, eat my a*s!

Hello?

Oh God.

Did someone just tell me to eat their a*s?

Uh, yeah, that would be Isla Gordon.

I am so sorry, Ms. Evert.

Yeah, so am I.

You happy now?

You just crushed a legend.

Hey, Jackie.

Hey, Jackie, right?

Can I help you guys?

Oh, they're just waiting for some players,

but I'm mad at you.

Whoa, why?

You follow my friend Kyler

on Instagram, but you don't follow me.

You, like, so hate me.

What?

No, I don't hate you.

Well, then, show me.

Sorry if

my breath smells like chips.

Get through, get through, get through.

Get around.

Marcus, you want to join us?

Nah, I think I got that long COVID.

Hey.

-Is he still really mad?

-No, no, no, he's, uh, really sick.

He's not gonna be active tonight,

but good news.

You got this cute grandma

to fix Dyson, right?

Yes, at least that's what Ali said.

You guys are not gonna believe this sh*t.

Let's find out.

Dyson, let's see it.

- Oh, here we go.

- You ready?

Give this man the ball.

Spotlight shine bright all on me ♪

Yeah, it's all on me ♪

Anything you want, get it

All on me ♪

Yeah, it's all on me ♪

No, no, no.

Dyson, this is not the shot of a man.

- He can't be for real.

- Hey, yo, D, do that again, bro.

I'mma put it on TikTok.

Give it up

For the baddies on the Internet ♪

Go girl, go girl ♪

Rule the world… ♪

There you go.

You're doing the Mother Goose.

- Aw!

- Oh my God.

Come on, bro.

- Come on.

- That's no good.

What the hell was that?

He literally made 100

of these m*therf*ckers yesterday.

He's just embarrassed.

I'm still getting paid, right?

Hey, babe, sorry to barge in like this,

but I have to vent.

Okay, Isla--

Maybe my dad was right

to keep me out of the front office.

Am I even built to handle a job like this?

-Isla, I--

-I know what you'll tell me.

My dad was an emotional tyrant,

treated his family like employees,

his employees like dogs,

but maybe that's how you need to act

to f*cking make it in this business.

You just said a bad word.

That's Wes.

That's why I was gonna say maybe

we should have this discussion later.

No, no, I have to have it right now.

I'm sorry, kid.

Okay, Isla, please.

You are the opposite of your dad, okay?

You are caring, and you are thoughtful,

and you can admit when you are wrong,

and that is what makes you a good boss.

You're right.

I gotta drive back to the office

and apologize to my dumbass brothers.

That's two bad words.

He can count.

Sorry.

Goodbye.

-Bye.

-Yeah.

What's up, Isla?

Anything else you want to blame us for?

Or do you want to physically maim

our older brother again?

-Did I sh**t you in the eye?

-No, that was a Popsicle stick.

I don't wanna talk about it,

but the throat is all you.

And I have a giant welt on my groin,

not that anyone's been down there lately.

The man already had a broken heart,

and you bruised his ball bag.

- Are you happy?

- No.

Guys, sit down.

Please?

I'm sorry.

I should have known better.

But if you are the leaks…

-We aren't!

-We aren't!

Okay, I believe you.

I just assumed the worst because

you haven't always had my back.

You know, like when you tried

to overthrow me with the board.

We have been loyal

and supportive ever since,

which can be tough sometimes

because you are a real as*h*le.

I mean, how long is it gonna take

for you to trust us again?

I promise on the life of my fiancé,

I trust you.

It's just k*lling me

not knowing who this leak is.

Hey, one time, there was

a rumor online that I had HPV.

And I do have it,

but I didn't know who spread it.

The rumor, not the HPV. I spread the HPV.

But guess what?

-I'm at peace with that now.

-It's a great story, Ness.

When you're in charge,

this sh*t happens, okay?

You've got to get over it.

So, are we good?

Almost.

I'll give you both $10,000

if we don't do this.

Ten thousand dollars.

Hold on, don't do anything.

Oh God.

You know what?

I should change my outfit because…

No! Ow! Ow! That hurts!

Ow! Ow!

No! f*ck you! We're even!

Hey, yo, rookie.

You about to do those

Betty White-a*s free throws tonight?

She was the best Golden Girl.

Until the end, I would still hit.

Yo, yo.

Isla's on Sean Murphy.

Not once in my entire journalism career

have I ever been so egregiously accosted.

I'll let the footage speak for itself.

Have a look.

Who's the leak? Tell whatever

wife-beating Dagestani MMA fighter

that they can wait,

and turn this off! Turn it off!

To make sh*t up

and jeopardize a relationship

with my Most Valuable Player?

You really think

I would trade Marcus Winfield?

Eat my a*s.

Damn!

Damn, Marcus.

Boss lady ready

to throw down for you, bro.

All right, fellas, listen up.

Starters tonight.

Travis, Badrag, Owens,

Lewis, you're in for Marcus,

and Victor, you're in for Dyson.

Let's see if coming off

the bench helps you.

The greatest competition

Is the beast from within ♪

And, yeah, I spend my time

Trying all the deadly sins ♪

Yeah, I know… ♪

Damn it, Isla.

How could you forget about the audio?

Honestly, I'll be lucky to have my job

by the end of the night.

What's up, Coach?

You good?

All good.

Sofia!

Hey. I was wondering if you wanted

to get dinner with me tomorrow night?

My friend works at Outback

and can comp us a Bloomin' Onion.

Yeah, I'm not free.

Oh, that's okay. What about Friday?

No, I'm not free ever.

For scummy, ran-through little f*ck.

ooh!

What are you talking about?

Look your name up on TikTok

and lose my number.

Damn, girl.

That's hot.

You're not gonna believe this,

but I just f*cked a Gordon.

No cap.

Midway through the 3rd quarter

and LA needs a boost.

Jonson fouls Badrag.

Dyson, in for Victor.

Victor, come on.

Checking in number 6,

Dyson Gibbs.

And Dyson is gonna check in

for the first time tonight.

Winfield to the cup. And one!

Marcus Winfield,

two-point field goal,

going to the line for one free throw.

And look at this,

Winfield is sh**ting

this free throw underhanded.

Why is Marcus doing a granny shot?

He's showing Dyson it's okay.

And the granny shot is good!

I don't think anyone's shot one of those

since Archie Chambers, folks.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Good win tonight.

That's a good Portland team we just beat.

And you wanted me to trade Marcus.

Everyone loved your appearance

on the show. Insane numbers.

Gotta have you on again.

I'll come on your show,

but you gotta tell me one thing.

Who was the leak?

Nice try.

Yo, she asked me again.

Play time is over

Remember what I told ya'… ♪

Baby, I just go where my heart go ♪

And I'm rolling through

Cleaner than a car show… ♪

I'd be careful.

Yeah, I'm no Rico Suave ♪

Yeah, I just do it my way, uh ♪

Do you copy, copy?

You might not know that much about me ♪

But I'm no Prince Charming, yeah

I know it's quite alarming ♪

And I'm just getting started ♪

No need to comment

I beg your pardon ♪

Well, enough about me

Let's get right into the program ♪

We could run a play

But I'mma be the go-to man ♪

Head to the dope man

Slap to the soul man ♪

Get into it, old man

We rockin' with the homie ♪

You shakin' like you the man

Like you confident ♪

We do it every day

And never turn it off and on ♪

Till the sun dawn

Even on a Sunday mornin' ♪

We keep the motor runnin'

Hotter than a fire ♪

-Don't start nothin' ♪

-Don't start nothin' ♪

-Won't be nothin' ♪

-Won't be nothin' ♪

-Don't start nothin' ♪

-Don't start nothin' ♪

-Won't be nothin' ♪

-Won't be nothin' ♪

-Don't start nothin' ♪

-Don't start nothin' ♪

-Won't be nothin' ♪

-Won't be nothin' ♪

-Don't start nothin' ♪

-Don't start nothin' ♪

-Won't be nothin' ♪

-Won't be nothin' ♪