01x06 - For Whom the Troll Tolls

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

♪

[whooshing]

What's wrong, Henrietta?

Another bad dream?

Oh! Guards!

- [clanking]

- Your Majesty!

Oh, no!

Oh!

[gasping] Oh, look at the--oh.

Ugh.

- Ah.

You really ought to get

some better security

around here.

Ugh, Fendra.

What is it?

Why have I been disturbed

during nap time?

Because I've lost Mumblin.

For a moment there,

I was sensing his presence.

But now, nothing.

Zilch!

I won't be bested by him.

Not again!

If I didn't know you better,

I'd think you sound

a little paranoid.

You think I'm overreacting?

Uh, no!

No, no, no, no, no.

I--I--I don't.

But uh, Henrietta here thinks

that, uh, maybe you are.

[high-pitch voice]

We are just worried about you.

- You tell Henrietta

that she underestimates Mumblin

at her peril!

If we don't find him,

he could destroy everything!

Do we understand each other?

Hen-ri-et-ta?

- Mm-hmm.

[upbeat music]

- Lotta people tellin' me

what I should be ♪

But I wanna make

my own destiny ♪

- [growls]

- Got a feelin' ♪

That it might be time

for me ♪

- To find my own way ♪

- [grunts]

- 'Cause I can feel it

in my heart ♪

It takes a lot to be brave,

but just a little to start ♪

Let's go take

a million chances ♪

Let's go change

our circumstances ♪

I'm gonna write

my own story ♪

And the hero is me ♪

♪

- [grunting] Hi-ya!

So here's the thing.

Being on a quest is awesome!

Sure we're on the road all the

time, battling the elements.

And there's--

So much walking.

But who cares about that?

Not only did we make it

out of Byjovia alive,

but there's a prophecy

about us and everything.

We are unstoppable!

[honks]

- Glad you're feeling all

the happy prophecy vibes, Max.

But maybe we should stop--

to eat?

We could eat.

But what's the point?

What's the point of anything

now that my magic's gone?

Really? Nothing still?

- Not since the bubble

that got us out of Byjovia,

which means I must not

be magic after all.

[all sighing]

Oh, magic gods,

why have you forsaken me?

Don't lose hope, Millie.

You did magic once.

Surely you'll do it again.

- Kevyn's right.

You'll get your magic working.

Remember,

with the prophecy on our side,

what could go wrong?

We're out of food.

[gasps]

Egad!

We'll starve!

- [belches]

Might I recommend worms?

[slurping]

[belches]

- Nope. Nuh-uh.

Worms won't cut it.

Not enough fiber.

[sighs] We'll just

have to eat one of us.

All right, might as well be me.

If I'm not magic anymore,

what--what good am I anyway?

Right? Have at it.

- And on day nine,

due to a dearth of food,

the Midknights were forced

to eat one of their own.

- I knew I should have

sent the kids off

with a few more sandwiches.

Ooh!

[clanking, shouting]

Oh.

Don't worry, Nolan.

It's just me.

Oh, good.

But look at

the latest from Kevyn.

Wait.

Eat who now?

OK.

Start here.

That's where the most meat is.

- First, you know

I'm a vegetarian.

And second,

nobody's eating anybody!

- Seriously,

everyone needs to relax.

We've got the prophecy!

And the prophecy

wouldn't let us starve.

♪

See?

What'd I tell you?

- Huh, maybe the prophecy

is looking out for us.

Of course it is!

We'll make a pit stop,

eat our fill,

then get back on the road!

Problem solved!

[slurping]

OK, do what you want.

But the offer still stands.

No hard feelings.

♪

[grunting]

Ooh?

- Wish for of all I see ♪

[grunting] No!

Nothing!

Absolutely nothing!

You?

No.

I just can't understand it.

There's no record

of a sorceress

named Fendra anywhere!

Bingo!

[whack]

Ahh! I'm OK!

- It's like she just

appeared out of thin air!

- I'm so lonely

without you ♪

- Come on, Midknights,

let's eat.

Be right in.

Just have to use

the little goose's room.

[farting]

[indistinct grumbling]

- Don't you talk

that way to me.

[door creaking]

all: Hmm?

♪

Uh

- Real friendly place

they got here.

Is there a reason why

everyone's, like,

scowling at us?

What do you want?

- Five cups of water

and some of that

world-famous curry, please.

You don't say.

Listen up, everyone.

Our new guests here want food!

[laughter]

Pardon me, good sir.

But this is a tavern,

is it not?

Aye, it's a tavern.

But we ain't got no food,

ever since that nitwit Ghastly

shut down all trade

going in and out of Byjovia

trying to catch some outlaws

or some such.

Outlaws, you say?

Don't know anything about that.

- Yeah, we're the opposite

of outlaws!

We're in-laws!

I mean, we're not related.

But uh--I'll stop talking.

- Uh

- As I was saying,

we can't get no provisions

from the north neither

on account

of those pesky trolls

that keep robbing the wagons!

Trolls?

As in real trolls?

Of course, real trolls!

They operate a toll bridge

just over yonder.

- Uh, I thought

trolls were made-up stuff

from fairy tales.

Oh, no, Max.

I assure you they're real.

Remember,

we're in the north now,

where such magical creatures

actually exist.

- Except[grunts]

This creature.

[grunting]

Me, who isn't magical.

Hey.

[door creaking]

Whew!

I feel about 5 pounds lighter,

if you know what I--uh

[slurping]

[laughs]

Yeah, I know I'm a goose.

[laughs]

Friends, friends,

friends, friends, I--

I apologize for

the rude reception before.

Allow me to make it up

to you by giving you

the best table in the house.

And here's

a complimentary bottle

of my signature

magic seasoning!

Magic seasoning?

Thanks.

You bet!

Even autographed it for you.

This way.

- Pretty abrupt mood shift,

don't you think?

- Like I've been saying,

with the prophecy on our side,

everything's gonna be a-OK.

[thudding]

[squawking]

Wait!

- What?

- Max!

- You were saying?

- Ah!

[grunting]

Give me back my goose--

Uncle Budrick!

Sorry, girlie.

I haven't had real food in--

oh, I don't even know how long!

No, this goose is getting

seasoned, cooked, and eaten!

Hey!

[cheers, laughter]

Listen, it's a long story.

Mishap with a wizard,

but I'm not really a goose!

I'm a man!

I'm a troubadour!

- Two wings, a beak--

you're a goose!

Don't do it! Don't cook him.

We uh--we'll get you

something else to eat!

[scoffs]

There is nothing else to eat.

Haven't you been listening?

The trolls!

You said yourself, they've been

stealing all your food.

What if we got it back for you?

- [laughs] Yeah, yeah,

good luck with that.

Just give me a little time.

We'll go talk to the trolls,

get them to stop stealing

your food.

Just promise me you won't eat

my Uncle Budrick.

All right, agreed.

No!

You have 24 hours,

but only because

a bird this size

needs a full day to marinate.

- We have to go talk

to these trolls.

Max, is that wise?

According to the literature

I've read,

trolls are enormous

temperamental creatures.

It will be fine.

Remember, we have

the prophecy on our side.

[sighs]

[suspenseful music]

♪

- Think we're in

the right spot?

- Uh

- Hmm.

- [footsteps banging]

- Ah!

- Ah!

- Ah!

[dramatic music]

♪

[troll growling]

[troll roaring]

Welcome, travelers, welcome.

Do you seek passage

over our bridge?

[all groaning]

Hmm?

No, actually.

We are here

about all the food

you've been stealing.

Stealing, right.

All right, here we go

with the stealing.

It wasn't stealing, OK?

Those folks couldn't pay

the toll,

so they forfeited their food.

I think you would agree

that fair is fair, right?

Fair is fair.

[laughs]

- Well, I don't know

if it is fair.

There's a bunch of hungry

people back at the tavern.

Ever think about sharing?

Easy, Max.

Let's not pick a fight with

giant, potentially dangerous

creatures.

- Listen.

Graugnar and I don't share.

No, we have a more,

um--what do you call,

a transactional way

of doing things.

So if you want the food,

which it sounds like you do,

you're gonna have to pay

the toll.

And by toll, I mean

[chuckles] Answer a riddle.

[cackling]

- So you're saying

if we answer a riddle,

we can get the food back?

- Uh-huh.

[both cackling]

Then we'll answer a riddle.

- Uh, shouldn't we, you know,

find out what happens

if we can't solve the riddle?

I'm assuming

it's something bad.

Relax, Simon. It'll be fine.

- Oh, you mean because we have

a prophecy on our side?

Yes, that.

And we also have a Kevyn.

Yes, please.

It's not every day

that one gets

to match wits with a troll.

[both cackling]

Mm, let's see.

Ooh, I know.

I'm gonna go with a classic.

[clearing throat] OK.

What goes on four legs

in the morning,

two legs at noon,

and three legs in the evening?

Yeah, good one, Jack.

They'll never get that one.

- The mention of morning,

noon, and night

is undoubtedly

a reference to time

and, if I may extrapolate, age.

Therefore, I believe

the correct response

is a human,

crawling on all fours

as a baby,

two legs as an adult,

and three legs when old age

makes use of a walking stick

necessary.

Is that correct?

Aw, he get it.

What did I tell you?

What we do, Jack?

This no happen before.

- Yeah. I uh--

well, I guess we ask him

another riddle.

Oh, no way!

A candle.

Come on.

- A spider.

- How did they--

A Labradoodle?

Stop with that stuff.

The doctor was a woman.

Oh, you're cheating.

I know you're cheating.

Aw, no fair.

- Well played, gentlemen.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, it's been

a real hoot, guys, but--

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,

not so fast.

[all gasping]

- Uh-huh, you not go nowhere.

Hold on, we had a deal!

[all screaming]

This is hopeless!

No one's ever heard of her.

And the bookshelves here

are full of nothing

but romance novels

and predictable

m*rder mysteries!

[bleats]

No!

I thought the barber did it.

I mean, he clearly planted

those fingerprints.

Oh, never mind!

The point is, I need

to find more books

to consult, and the only--

wait a minute.

[soft music playing on radio]

[door creaking]

Oh!

Oop, wrong door.

[whirring]

[bleats]

- I'm so lonely

without you ♪

[soft music]

♪

[whirring]

Oh, come to think of it,

I should have

suggested we use

this portal to get

Uncle Budrick

out of the dungeon.

Oh, well.

Now, let me see.

- [whimpering]

Oh, oh, no, oh!

There, there,

my dear Henrietta.

I know you miss Edmund,

as do I.

I've sent out a search party,

and I'll let you know

the moment I hear.

I won't let my right hand man

be gone for long!

[laughing]

See what I did there?

Enough!

Ah!

Hmm, while we're here

talking to your

beady-eyed feet warmers,

Mumblin could be--

[sniffing] Wait.

What's that smell?

Oh, probably the socks.

My last jester had

unusually sweaty feet.

- It's not the socks,

you moron.

It's[gasps] Mumblin!

[whooshing]

Don't worry, Henrietta.

I don't think your eyes

are beady at all.

Ah, Henrietta!

Guards!

[humming]

- Did it say anything

about being boiled alive

in that prophecy of yours?

Huh? Huh, Max?

Look at me

when I'm huh-ing you.

Huh?

OK, OK. You're right.

I may have gotten

a little carried away

with the whole prophecy thing.

- Yeah.

- Indubitably.

A little bit.

[scraping]

OK.

I might be able to cut

through these ropes.

But it's gonna take

a little time.

- Time, unfortunately,

is something

we don't possess in abundance.

[troll growling]

Ah! I believe this

is the book I need.

[whirring]

[whooshing]

Ahh!

[scraping]

- This wasn't

supposed to happen.

I'm supposed to slay a dragon,

find King Conrad,

and save Byjovia.

Not become stew!

And Uncle Budrick might be

a nugget by now!

- What was I thinking?

- [gasps]

It's OK, Max.

Focus on those ropes.

And I'll distract the trolls.

[troll mumbling]

SoGraugnar, was it?

What happened

to your tooth there?

Tragic flossing accident?

- Uh--oh!

Well, a witch stole my tooth.

Scary lady.

A witch?

How fascinating.

What would a witch want

with a troll's tooth?

[dramatic music]

[flames crackling]

[crowd chanting]

Goose! Goose! Goose! Goose!

Wait!

[thudding]

[honking]

I mean, please, don't cook me.

I beg you.

I'm, uh--I'm not ready!

I'm not tender enough.

[honking]

What about the marinade?

Sorry, but it's time.

[honking]

What am I thinking?

My magic seasoning!

♪

- How are those ropes

coming, Max?

Almost there.

Psst.

Millie, what's that?

- I thought it might help

get my magic back.

But it's not working.

- That's because

it's not actually magic.

It's salt.

Forget about the seasoning

and distract the trolls!

How about another riddle?

Good thinking, Simon.

[clears throat]

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Mm?

- Before you feast

upon our boiled flesh,

we thought you might enjoy

one final riddle.

Uh, what? Uh, no.

I mean, we never had food offer

to tell us a riddle before.

But uh, what do you think,

Graugnar?

Riddle!

- What do you get when you mix

carrots, broccoli, ginger,

onions, garlic, coconut,

curry powder,

and chef's magic seasoning?

Uh, ehI don't know.

- Yeah, we are not familiar

with this one as such.

- [scraping]

- [grunting] Yes.

Here's an idea.

Well, since you have

all the ingredients

just conveniently there,

why don't you just

mix everything together?

I don't know. See what happens.

- Well,

it's a little unorthodox.

But hey, we got to know

the answer, so

[all grunting]

♪

Hey, what was

that last thing again?

Here you go.

Magic seasoning?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

You should be tied up.

- [grunts]

Maybe this'll teach you

not to play with your food.

I know, I know,

but I had to say it.

[grunting]

♪

[trolls growling]

Food fight!

[all grunting]

♪

[trolls growling]

♪

[yelling]

♪

[trolls roaring]

[page rustling]

Oh, drat!

I grabbed the wrong one!

[whirring]

[books clattering]

Ahh!

[grunts] Whoa!

[laughing]

- Would it make any difference

at all if I told you

there's a prophecy about us?

[troll growling]

Guess not.

[screaming]

I'll eat you first.

Wait.

You still didn't answer

our riddle.

What do you get when you mix

those ingredients?

Vegetarian curry!

Ah, oh!

- Whoa!

- Mm.

[laughs]

What are you doing?

Get them!

[slurping]

Jack, try curry.

Curry good!

- Curry is--

[slurping, gulping]

Wow, that is delicious!

Why have we been eating humans

all this time,

when we could have been

eating this stuff?

[slurping]

Yeah. Ahh.

[slurping]

I guess that sign was right.

Try the curry, and you'll never

want to eat anything else.

Egad!

Perhaps this is

the prophecy at work.

Forget the prophecy.

This was all Simon.

If not for him,

our gooses would be--[gasps]

Uncle Budrick!

- [flames crackling]

- [honking]

[thudding]

[crashing]

No.

Stop!

[all gasping]

[trolls growling]

[all gasping]

I told you we'd get

your stolen food.

Well, mission accomplished!

[all gasping]

[cheering]

- Then the witch pulled out

my tooth, she did.

Eh, wrong.

The answer is 13.

Oh, it's so yummy!

[belches]

Oh!

- I'm never eating again

until tomorrow.

Obviously.

Millie, look!

- [gasps]

Oh, my magic, it's back!

- Perhaps the problem

was simply

that you were hungry, Millie.

More curry, anyone?

Yes, please.

Don't mind if I do.

[triumphant music]

♪

So what'll it be?

One last riddle?

Oh, come on.

We let friends cross for free!

[laughs] Uh, just this once.

Aw, come here.

Graugnar shake. [chuckles]

Oh!

[laughs]

- All in all,

that turned out pretty good.

- Yeah, but couldn't hurt

to be a little more careful.

Just because there's a prophecy

doesn't mean this is

gonna be easy.

And too many people

are counting on us.

[tense music]

♪

Ugh.

Ahh!

Where is that bearded buffoon?

Mm.

What have we here?

[laughing]

♪

- Of all I wish for ♪

Of all I've seen ♪

There's one thing

I want returned to me ♪

I said doo-doo-doo-doo-doo,

I'm lonely without you ♪

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

I'm so lonely without you ♪