01x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

All things considered, we
had a good day. Which part?

The part where you randomly started
rapping at a bunch of year elevens

to "stay off da streets"?
They were on the streets.

They were waiting at a bus stop.

The bus stop on da streets.

Wet wipe?

Yeah, go on, then.

It's going to need hot water.

Next week's rota,
hot off the press.

Oh, give me, give me.

Hello to you, too, Dom,

my sumptuous almond joy. What?

What? Hmm? Don't know.

Why do they keep
partnering me with Kay?

Partner with me if
you like. No, thanks.

You wouldn't be saying
that if you saw me

on that Call of Duty last night.

Absolutely beasted
some lads from Tampa.

r*cist b*stards!

Not any more, they've banned
most of those players.

No, I mean about always
partnering me with Kay,

blatantly because we're both
black. Oh, right, well, no comment.

Anyway, I thought
you two were mates.

No, I don't even like working
with the guy, he's a joke.

And when it kicks off,
he'll be about as much use

as a chocolate teapot.

Weren't that r*cist?

No.

I don't know. Minefield.

Anyway, I wouldn't
sweat it with PCSOs.

Most exciting it's going to get

is stopping a cyclist
mounting the pavement.

Am I right?

I'm going talk to you about
an undercover mission.

OK, OK, OK,

OK, this is a dream.

I'm still asleep in my
box room off the kitchen.

She's, she's probably
frying palm oil again

and that gives me nightmares.

So I'm not here,
you're not here.

This is all just a jo...

Ow! My bad.

Sorry. It's OK. I'm awake now.

It's all right. It's... Aah!

I won't do that to
you like that again.

I'm sorry.

I'm just going to,
just check here. Sorry.

Just...

Yeah, as I thought.

OK, what is it?

Yeah, yeah, he's
definitely dead.

Oh, what are you going to do, Dom?
What are you going to do, Dom?

Well, the g*ng obviously
k*lled Clinton,

which means they
definitely know about us.

Yeah, yeah. They've probably been on
to us this whole time, which is...

Which is how they got to him. Which
is how they knew where we lived.

Oh, my God!

They know everything.

Why are you singing Shackle?

♪ I lift my hands

♪ I understand

♪ That I should praise you
through my circumstance

♪ Take the shackles off
my feet so I can dance...

Oh! Oh, oh.

I said I wasn't gonna do it
again. I broke your trust.

I'm sorry. It was my bad.

OK, all right, let's
just get a grip, OK?

I mean, if they knew about us,
we'd probably be in that bag, too.

What are you doing?
I'm calling for backup?

Oh! No backup.

They fired us, remember?

We can talk to them and
we can, we can tell them.

Tell them what?

So let's go over this once more.

You were authorised by...
Detective Inspector Clinton Blair.

..to infiltrate the notorious
Bright Marsh Estate g*ng.

But first, he told us to get fired
from our jobs as community support.

By stealing a squad car?

And flashing your bum
bum at pensioners.

He then stole drugs from a secure
police lockup, sold said drugs

on the open market
for the g*ng...

And finally tonight, you were
driven to Walthamstow Marshes

by a g*ng member
named Kevin... Tevin.

Tevin, who produced a
dead body from his trunk,

which turned out to be that
of Detective Clinton Blair.

Yes, that's right. Absolutely.

Well, that is quite
a story, isn't it?

Indeed it is, Dave.

See, Dom, I told
you they'd get it.

Wait, wait. No, I swear.

Look, we were just
doing our civic duty.

Help! Do something!

It's not gonna work.

PHONE VIBRATES

Hi, Tevin. How are you?

You can't run.

I'm going to find you. What?

Run? sh*t!

Who said anything about running?

I wasn't talking to
you, Dom. Oh, thank God.

I mean, not, not, not...

Not that I care, because we weren't
even talking about running, obvs.

Is it done?

Thing is, we are...

Kay and I are having a pretty heated
discussion about best practice here.

Best practice?

I know you're in there.

Do you want to give yourself up
now or wait till I catch you?

Do you mean me or...

You'll know when
I mean you, Dom.

Just get it done.

What if we can't do it?

Gotcha!

Holy sh*t! What?

Well, the guy can multitask.

He's literally k*lling someone
else whilst threatening us.

Let's play again.
No, rules are rules.

I won, so, bedtime, yeah? OK.

Night, Daddy. Night, egghead.

We can't go to the police.

We can't leave the country.

I mean, they got to Clinton,
and next it'll be you, me,

My dad... Your stepmum.

It's like one big,
giant test, you know?

So, how do we pass the test?

We dig.

Kay?

sh*t!

Why is the hole so small?

Yeah, it's compacted.

What?

Well, it's soil compaction.

It's when the air is
displaced from the soil.

Makes it harder to dig.
How do you know that?

I was a Brown Owl
in the girl guides.

Why wouldn't you tell me this
before we started digging?

It was a difficult time,
and the Scouts rejected

my suggestions for change.

No, I mean about the soil. It must
have slipped my mind, I guess.

OK, so how do we fix it?

Well, that depends on climate
and fauna, mineralogy?

OK, fine, just dig,
but harder. Got it?

OK, that's enough.

That's gotta do it.

Oh, yeah, that's big enough.

All that's left is just to,
you know, just chuck him in.

This is all happening
a little bit too fast.

Like, can we say a prayer first

for God to forgive us
for our trespasses?

God has more important
sh*t to worry about.

Let's just get this
over and done with.

Oh, f*ck.

Zip caught my finger.

Wet wipe?

Why?

A guide is a friend and sister to
all. Your hands need protecting.

I'm the sister who
will protect them.

God!

I'm protected.

So you're protected.

Protected.

He was protected.

Someone was protecting him.

Someone else knows
about this mission.

Oh, my God!

What are you doing?
Getting Clinton's phone.

You can't steal from the dead.

Hey, we need to find out
who Clinton was talking to

before they got to him.

Because that person can get
us out of this mess tonight.

Let me find...

Ha, I've got it!

Hang on, it's
stuck. Stuck? Yes.

Oh, sh*t!

Not a phone, not a phone.

Absolutely not a phone.

Oh!

Also, kudos to you, sir.

It's impressive.

OK, going back in.

So it's touch ID, so
it needs a fingerprint.

Thank you. I am aware, OK?

Just building up to it.

Right.

Aha! I'm in.

Oh, crap. What?

Needs his finger for everything.

Can't you just
change the password?

Password?

Did you do it?

What?

What's happening, Dom?

What?

You can't cut it off, Dom.

We need it.

We can't cut it off, Dom.

We have to.

It's on you.

I can't. What?

I can't.

Kay, you lost. Cut
his finger off.

We're burying dead bodies.

We're digging up dead bodies.

And now we're cutting off
ligaments? Are we butchers?

Hey, I didn't wake up today
planning to dig a ditch,

but I did it to keep
us alive, all right?

So if I have to cut off a
finger too, then f*ck it.

I'm going to do it. Yeah?

What are you prepared to do?

Yeah, OK.

Hey, Lord.

Now would be a good time to say,

"My son, I was only kidding", you
know, like you did with Isaac?

Please say something.

WOMAN SCREAMS

I don't know. I don't
know what that means.

It means God is sick
of your sh*t. Hurry up.

OK, OK, yes.

Yeah, you're right.

Ah!

No, I'm sorry, I can't.

I can't do it. I
can't, I can't.

Just give it here.

Send a dickhead to
do a woman's job.

Sorry, Clinton.

My arse is in your face.

This is not dignified.

I get it.

But I'm doing what
needs to be done.

Yeah! Oh, oh!

OK.

Yeah!

See that? See that?

Doing what needs to be...

You OK?

At least it wasn't face ID.

OK, we're done here.

What do you mean? What do you mean,
"what do you mean"? I mean I'm gone.

I knew from the second I saw
you that you were a joke.

Dom, I was, I was scared.

Look, we just need to
take some time. I'm sorry.

No, there is no way. Because you let
me cut this finger off on my own,

so now you can
fend for yourself.

You know what? I'm better off
solo anyway, so goodbye, Kay.

And you know what? f*ck you!

Everything OK there?

Yeah, we just went for
a walk. We got lost.

A bit late for a walk, isn't it?

It's just, we've had some
reports of antisocial behaviour

in the area, you know,
poaching, fly-tipping, dogging.

Looks like we've been rumbled.

Yeah.

Yes, ma'am.

We went on a hike, and
then, what can I say?

We found ourselves dogging.

I can't say that
I'm proud of it.

I can't say that
we're proud of it.

That's who we are. We're
doggers, me and her.

We're doggers, and
that's just what we do.

We, we dog.

What are the spades for?

Oh, yeah. These...

Dogging, as we all know,

can get a bit messy, right?

Yeah! I mean, the other day, we
were trying out a new technique,

weren't we, and we, we...

We just wanted to be thorough
with our dogging clean-up.

Clean-up. Right.

If you leave now,
I won't report you.

But if I catch you here again

or in any of the Waltham
Forest conservation areas,

you will find yourself in court.

Yeah, no, don't worry.

You have no idea what
dogging is, do you?

Not a one. God! What is it?

Thanks for breakfast, Dom.

Do you mind if I got
another biscotti?

I'm good for it.

Come on, Dom, please talk to me.

There's nothing here. What?

There's nothing on here.

Just boring, normal phone crap.

Probably got a secret
phone stashed somewhere.

sh*t!

I hacked off his
finger for nothing.

Have faith. We'll
find something.

Faith?

A guy is dead. We
buried his body.

I cut off his finger.

There's your faith.

Why are you still here,
anyway? Dom? Crap!

Well, well, well.

Back once again with
the renegade masters.

Bricey!

All right? Wow.

Yeah.

Got the old Bricey special, energy
drink straight in the coffer.

Got to be done.

What? Nice.

Yeah.

What are you doing here anyway?

Why are you covered in sh*t?

No, just, oh, we
were at a festival.

You ever heard of Leaf Life?

No. No? It's new.

Yeah, it's just this eco jazz soul
mixed with a bit of Morrison dance

and Westlife fusion.

Sounds rubbish.

It is, because, you
know, these eco types,

"Oh, we want to save the world but
we can't keep a Portaloo clean!"

Right? It was horrendous.

Yeah. We just...

We came here to
use the facilities,

clean up a bit.

And to get biscotti.

Oh, the biscotti is
banging, isn't it?

I love the biscotti.

Yeah, he's all right, this guy.

Why are you always
hating on my man?

I'm not hating on your man.

What was that thing you used
to call him? I don't know.

Yeah, you do know. I don't.

It was... Chocolate
teapot. Yes!

Yes.

Right.

Well, some of us got to get back
to keeping them streets safe.

Stay out of trouble, you.

Dom, text me, any
time. Day or night.

Same number. But I
don't have your number.

It's just, you know, he's
talking about something.

I found something.

Maps. Phones have maps.

Yeah, but...

Home.

That's his address.

That's just up the road.

I don't know,

maybe there's something
there that can lead us

to who Clinton's been
working with. Yeah.

That's Clinton's car.

This is it.

How do we get in?
You're a girl guide,

didn't you learn to
pick locks and sh*t?

Dom, I was a Brown Owl.

Funny enough, breaking and
entering wasn't a badge.

Come, Dom.

What?

Window's open.

We need to find something
to help us get up there.

What if we had a lasso
and we just went...

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you know?

Yeah!

Yi, yi, yi!

Yi! Yi.

You do that, I'll find
something real. Dom.

Shed.

Right. OK. Hold it steady. Oh.

I'm going up. Oh, OK.

Go on, then.

Hurry up. OK.

OK. All right.

Quicker! Don't rush me. OK.

It's, like, three feet high.

What is it?

I'm afraid I cannot remove my
hands from the ladder, Dom.

What? Yes.

I can't remove my
hands from the ladder.

Because if I do, I will fall.

Right, just come
down. I'll go up.

OK, give me a sec.

Oh, look at that.

I cannot move.

I cannot remove my
hands from the ladder

because I'm afraid of heights.

If you were scared
of heights, Kay,

why would you volunteer
to go up a ladder?

Because I don't want to
be a chocolate teapot.

You are almost already up there.

Yeah? So just, just keep
going, you can do it.

No, can't do it. Yes, you can.

Kay, you can do it.
Dom, listen to me, yeah?

I looked up dogging
on the internet.

My soul is forever scarred.

I am not cut out
for this life, OK?

Bye, thank you. Kay,
you are a Brown Owl.

You can do whatever
you put your mind to.

So just...

♪ Take the shackles off
my feet so I can dance

♪ I'm just gonna praise ya

♪ I'm just gonna praise ya

♪ You brought that change
now I can lift my hands

♪ I'm gonna praise you

♪ I'm gonna praise you. ♪

That's it, Kay.

I did it!

♪ Take the shackles off
my feet so I can dance

♪ I'm gonna praise ya

♪ I'm gonna praise ya

♪ You broke the chains
now I can lift my... ♪

Kay?

Kay? Are you all right?

♪ Through the fire and the rain

♪ Bound in every
kind of way... ♪

Open the door.

Oh, wow!

Yeah, he was doing
all right for himself.

OK, so what exactly are
we looking for here?

I don't know.

A laptop, a burner phone?

Rolodex. OK. Fax
machine? Fine.

Just anything that will lead
us to who he was working with.

What is this? What is this
Irish jig you're doing?

It's too many hot chocolates.

Right, do not piss in
a dead man's house.

Excuse me.

He's going to piss in
a dead man's house.

It's disrespectful.

Oh, an espresso.

Oh, yes.

Thank you, Clinton.

KNOCKING AT DOOR

Oh.

Oh!

Hey.

PHONE VIBRATES

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Mr Blair?

Hello, madam.

Nothing to be concerned about.

Who are you?

I'm a colleague of Clinton's.

Is he OK?

Everything's in hand.

Terribly sorry for
the disturbance.

You can go home.

Who was that?

Superintendent Edwards.

What's the superintendent doing,
breaking into Clinton's house?

Oh, maybe she is who
Clinton's been working with.

Nah, she knew he wasn't
going to be there.

sh*t! She knew he was dead.

Who breaks into a
dead man's house?

Yes, apart from us.

I think she was looking
for this, you know?

I mean, there is enough info
here to put the lot of them away.

But...

But why stash all of
this in his bathroom

instead of his office?

What, so he can read
all of this on the loo?

Kay, I don't think he was
investigating the g*ng.

I think he's
investigating the pigs.

That's really disrespectful,
given our profession.

OK, fine, police, whatever.

This is some Line of Duty sh*t.

Look, I've got to
get back. Yeah.

Oh, Kay? Yeah.

Yeah, I just wanted to say...

What?

You know. I don't know.

Tell me.

I just want to say I'm sorry if
I called you a chocolate teapot.

I mean, you're not, obviously.

And, and you're...

You're all right.

I mean, you're better than
all right, you're fine.

So, yeah, that's it.

Apology accepted.

Jesus came down to forgive us
all... All right, don't ruin it.

Just piss off.

Are you ignoring me? Tevin!

Hey, Tev, mate.

Do, do, do! Top of
the morning to ya!

Shut up. OK.

Is it done? Yeah,
yeah, it's done.

Good.

Be on the block tomorrow.

Tevin?

You know, you can't keep
coming to my home unannounced.

I have a life here.

I just, what I mean is...

I just mean...

I know what you mean.

Hey, you did what needed
to be done tonight.

I respect that.

But let's get one thing clear.

You don't have a life now
that don't have me in it.

Get me?

I get you.

We passed the test.

Plus, you know where
the bodies are buried.

So that makes us
yoked, for life.

And Dom?

When I call, you answer.

Yeah? Sure.

Sure thing.

Thank you, God, for your continued
protection, your love and blessings.

Forgive us for the difficult
things we've had to do

and may continue to endure.

Bless my friend, Dominique, and show
her that you are a guiding light

to her path and a
lamp to her feet.

What are we going to do, Hooty?

And even though darkness
may be all around us,

we know that all things
work together for good

for those who love you and are
called according to your purpose.

So, in the end,
all will be well.

Amen.

OK, everyone, this way.

So, it is...

Ten points for a caterpillar.

Eight points for a slug.

Miss? What is it, Murray?

How many points for a grave?

For a what? For a grave.

For a grave?

Now, that is going
to be badgers.

Because at this
time of year, you...