01x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

- People have this image

of scientists as antisocial,

rigid, and a bit autistic.

- But I am.

- [Chuckles nervously]

Y-you're autistic.

- Mm-hmm.

- Of course.

- I'm pretty sure

Declan is too.

- I'm engaged.

- To who?

- Ranesh.

- The TikTok advertising man

with the concave arse?

RANESH: It's just

a rustic peasant dish

that I picked up

during my summer in Firenze.

- Mum and Dad are not

gonna be happy about this.

- Darling.

ADE: We're so happy about this.

- What'd I miss?

- Evie's gonna bankrupt

Mum and Dad.

- What else is new?

- There's a new

coffee sheriff in town.

[Chuckles]

I like to give people a chance.

[Chuckles]

- Nina, will you be

my maid of honor?

[Upbeat rock music]

- Yeah. Yeah.

♪

So it's funny

because the title is a pun.

So it's not a M-A-I-D of Honor.

It's M-A-D-E of Honor

because Patrick Dempsey

is made to be

the maid of honor.

- Oh, Patrick Dempsey.

- Get a bucket and a mop.

[Both groan]

RANESH:

Those baby blues.

Am I right?

[Chuckles]

[slurping]

- Anyway, the reason

I bring it up

is because last night,

I had an epiphany.

Yes, when you asked me

to be your maid of honor,

I was shook,

but then I thought,

if Patrick Dempsey,

you can do a good job

for the first half of the 2008

rom-com Made of Honor

before he ruins the wedding,

then so can I.

AMBER:

OMG. There she is!

Whoo!

[Laughter]

- You invited her?

- Yes.

- It's Mad Amber.

- Oh, it's just Amber now.

- Because mental health

is no joke.

NINA: This is the girl

who made a shrine to you

in your first year of uni,

Evie.

EVIE: It

was a friendship collage,

and she's not like that

anymore.

[Squeals]

AMBER: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

[Laughs]

Babe, you look un-f*cking-real.

- Amber, you're literally

the hottest thing in Glasgow

right now.

- Stop.

- You both look exactly

how you always look

every time you see each other.

- Ranesh, you're smaller

in real life.

[Laughs]

Hi, Nina.

Congrats on being Evie's MOH.

- Oh, I'm not Evie's ma.

I'm her sister.

- No, not ma, MOH.

- MOH.

- M-O-H, maid of honor.

You'll get with the lingo

eventually.

It's OK you didn't ask me

to be MOH, Evie.

After eight tries as MOH,

I'm actually so relieved to

Just be a bridesmaid this time.

[Laughs]

So are we set on a plan yet?

- Plan?

- Ranesh's dad, Sachin,

is coming to town this weekend.

- And I, for one,

can't wait for him

to break bread

with my sweet lady

and meet the family.

[Ranesh and Evie chuckle]

- And we'll share

the happy news.

- Wait, you've not told him

that you're getting married?

It's been a week.

- You can't just drop

a b*mb like that, Nina,

especially not

to someone like Sachin.

- Basically, Neens,

Dad isn't super easy to talk to

and down-to-Earth like me.

I mean, I totally get his vibe,

but other people,

well, they find him a little

bit intimidating at first,

which is totally funny to me

because I don't find him scary

at all.

- You do a bit.

- A little bit, yeah.

- Sachin is a very

well-respected art critic.

He can k*ll a show at Art Basel

with a single look.

- Dad actually exposed

the Wynona Gallery

for displaying

a fake Kandinsky.

- We need to impress him.

- Yeah, we need

to razzle-dazzle him.

- Oh, we don't razzle

nor dazzle; we're Scottish.

Let's just take him to Mum

and Dad's and feed him lasagna.

- Or drinks at Scribble.

[Laughs]

- Oh, my actual God, yes.

It's the place Amber works.

It's perfect.

AMBER: It's the most chic bar

in Glasgow, Ranesh.

Papa will be delighted.

I've recently been promoted

to deputy manager.

- Huh!

Glass ceiling who?

- Amber, that's

such amazing news.

- It's a huge responsibility.

- Of course.

Of course.

So we all just have

to put forward

the best version of ourself.

Then once he likes us,

we will tell him we're engaged.

So no in-jokes, no swearing,

and no personal stories,

especially those that involve

my heavy drinking.

- So to impress this man,

we're all just gonna pretend

to be people we're not?

- Yeah.

AMBER: Mm-hmm.

I do it all the time.

- And we're gonna just keep

doing that forever and ever

At the wedding,

every time we see him,

Christmas, Easter,

all the major holidays

Until he dies,

like we're

a big fake Kandinsky?

- Exactly.

RANESH: You got it.

- What about "You do you"?

[Upbeat music]

[cork pops]

EVIE: Oh, it is so good

to have coffee

with all my favorite people

before starting

the daily grind.

- Evie, your eyeballs

are all trembly.

You look like

an anxious Chihuahua.

Is everything all right?

- I know Ranesh seems like

this gorgeous

devil-may-care hunk,

but he's always been

really desperate

for his dad's approval.

He even does this fake

low voice

when they talk to each other

on the phone.

So if Sachin doesn't approve

of the engagement,

I'm really worried

that he's gonna call off

the whole wedding.

I didn't tell you this before

because I knew

you'd get all judgy.

But Ranesh has a

History of

Impulsive romantic decisions.

- No.

- He was catfished

by a woman called Sandra, OK?

But the police said the case

was so elaborate

that it could have happened

to literally anyone.

So I'm really worried

that he's not gonna be

100% on board with us

getting married so quickly.

- I mean,

he might have a point.

- Look, I know that you think

we're completely off our heads.

But ever since Ranesh

proposed to me,

it's just been

this really special thing

that's just for me.

And everyone's

really proud of me.

And I've never had that before.

So I just want us to get

married as quickly as we can

so I can hold on

to that feeling

for as long as possible.

- [Sighs]

But ideally, we would

ease him into this,

you know, take our time,

getting to know the family,

meeting Mum and Dad.

And you need a TED Talk

and three manuals

before you speak to Mad Amber.

- True, but Sachin

is in Glasgow

for one night

and one night only

on his way to Berlin.

So we have this one

casual drinks at Scribble

to make him like me,

meet his whole extended

family-to-be,

and convince him that we

are nothing like Sandra.

- I will

- I will channel

our rom-com lord and savior,

Patrick Dempsey.

And I will make sure everyone

is on their bestest behavior.

- And just one other wee thing.

- Mm-hmm?

- You know that refreshing,

freewheeling honesty of yours

that we all love so much?

- Mm-hmm?

- I'm not asking you

to change it, but

Could you cover it

for the night, maybe?

- Do you want me

to catfish Ranesh's dad?

- Yes.

- [Groans] Fine.

EVIE:

Mm, thank you, Nina.

NINA: Mm-hmm.

EVIE:

Best maid of honor ever.

NINA: That's 'cause you've got

nothing to compare me to.

[Light music]

NINA: "We need a new name

for our extra foam latte."

Any takers on the name yet?

- No.

Well, no,

there's one suggestion,

but, uh, it's mine.

And it's sh*t.

Foam Alone.

So

If you build it,

they will come.

- You know, you don't

need a jazzy name.

Your coffee speaks for itself.

- Mm.

In an ideal world, yes.

But we all have

to dress ourselves up a bit

to get on in life, don't we?

- You sound

just like my sister.

- Mm, her concave-arsed fiancé,

was he the worst man

in the world?

- Currently living?

- Mm.

- Then yes.

- [Laughs] Oh.

[Both laugh]

- Anyway, she wants us all

to put on a mask

and pretend to be something

we're not to impress his dad

because he did a show

at Art Basel.

- What's that?

- I have no idea.

But I've been down

that road before,

pretending to be

something I'm not.

I tried for years to be normal,

and I just came off

as more weird.

I'm the girl who spent

her adolescence

trying not to be autistic.

It wasn't as fun as it sounds.

LEE:

I get that.

When I was 16, I blacked out

at a house party

and my mates set fire

to my pubes.

I had to pretend that I was,

like, raging and embarrassed.

But they didn't know

that I'd only just started

growing pubes, like,

three weeks before that.

So I was just buzzing they knew

I had them to begin with.

- [Laughs]

- I'll never forget

that smell, though.

Anyway, um, ach, maybe

it's just about being, like

Like, the best version

of yourself, you know?

Like, if I was ever

to meet your parents,

I'd want to make

a good impression.

A-as your hot drink technician.

I-I mean, my drinks are hot.

Not me.

- Thank you.

- My pubes grew back!

Sorry.

Whatwhat can I get you?

- Can I have a flat white

and a biscotti, please?

- Yes.

[Upbeat rock music]

[Phone chiming and buzzing]

[Computer chimes]

- Did everyone see?

Dr. Catherine Dunne

posted a vacancy online

that's getting

the Dinosaur g*ng

hot under the collar.

Yeah, I've always thought

Dr. Dunne was a bit overrated,

for what it's worth.

- Apart from the fact

that she discovered like,

the first armored dinosaur

in 130 years, yeah?

- She turned me down

for a job once.

DECLAN:

Hmm.

- Anyway, look at me now.

Got a corner office

and my own toilet.

- You only have your own toilet

'cause none of us

want to go in after you, Shane.

DECLAN: [chuckles]

- You know, you've really

got to be a performing monkey

if you want to get anywhere

as a paleontology media type.

And I wasn't prepared

to do that.

No, not even for a guest spot

on In Our Time

with Melvyn Bragg.

DECLAN: Disguise can be

a bitter fruit to chew.

♪

[The Quilter's

"Hangin' It Up"]

SINGER: I'm not saying you're

in the wrong for playing ♪

But I prefer some color

to the usual gray ♪

It's quite clear ♪

AMBER: You wore it.

- [Gasps]

- You look like a goddess.

- I look like I'm in a militia.

AMBER: Ranesh and Evie

are over there.

I'll sort the drinks.

[Upbeat music playing

over speakers]

EVIE:

Nina.

You look so chic.

NINA: That's right.

I've buttoned

into my military-grade jumpsuit

and buckled in

for the Operation Dad Meet.

So don't worry, there

will be no radical honesty

from me tonight.

- Perfect.

- Except am I allowed

to tell the story

about the time

you shat yourself in Zante

wearing wee white hot pants?

- [Laughs] Nina.

Seriously, though,

do not tell him

that I had to repeat

second year of uni.

- I wasn't going to.

EVIE: Or let Dad get drunk

and go on and on

about his furniture shop.

- Oh, God.

- What?

- Dad's teetotal.

He gave up a few weeks ago.

- And you let us plan

a casual drinks gathering?

RANESH: Oh, my God,

what was I thinking?

NINA: This has nothing to do

with anything,

but is that a cowboy hat

or a trilby?

EVIE:

I told you, it's not 2005.

- He's here.

[Nervously] Dad.

[Deeply] Dad.

NINA:

His glasses are really small.

- Don't say anything.

- Oh, but I really want to.

- Mm-mm-mm-mm.

- May I introduce mon amour?

- Oh, that's French for "love."

[giggles]

- Well, that was

practically Masonic.

[Chuckles]

- I'm Nina.

SACHIN: Nina.

- Can I take your jacket?

- I'll, uh, keep it on.

- So have you come very far?

- From where I started,

I would say so.

- Oh, cool.

Cool, cool, cool.

- Incredible.

I just love art.

- It brings people together.

- Well, that's

a naive statement.

Art is a corporate entity

these days.

EVIE: Mm.

- Wow, look at us,

all standing together.

It's nice, standing, isn't it?

Just standing and

Talking and

Thinking and

Feeling andyeah.

- Uh, can I help you?

- I'm Amber,

Evie's best friend.

I'm the deputy manager here.

- Great.

Well, get me a soda water.

- Are you sure?

We've got this lovely

cherry crémant.

- He wants soda water, Amber.

RANESH:

So, Papa,

have, um, you been busy lately?

- Oh, my God.

SACHIN: Busy is a very

bourgeois concept.

- What is Mom wearing?

- Don't worry about it.

I'm gonna sort it out.

[Clears throat]

Excuse me, gentlemen.

I'm going to go away,

and then at some point,

I shall return.

So keep on being you two.

- Shall we?

- Wow, this bar.

Must be quite a stimulating

space for you, Nina.

- Mm-hmm, did you two

not get Amber's 12 emails

about how to dress chic?

- No, no, we did.

- Mm-hmm.

Do you like my new shawl?

- Currently not allowed

to be myself,

so I can't tell you

what I think

about your ugly shawl.

- [Chuckles]

- The lady in the shop said

Helen Mirren has the same one.

- Oh, I love Helen Mirren.

- Ick, Dad.

You look boiling, Mother.

Would you like me to take

your horse blanket

to the cloakroom?

DIANE: No.

I bought it especially.

After a lot of discussion,

we decided

this was definitely chic

without being

too mother of the bride.

- Eh-eh, remember, we're gonna

get Sachin to like us

and then tell him

about the engagement.

And then we're gonna tell him

about the wedding.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The big reveal.

NINA: Indeed.

Also, just so you know,

he's posh.

- Ooh.

- No.

I mean English posh.

DIANE:

Ah.

I get it, mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

- So we have to be lessyou.

- Cool.

- Less.

DIANE: Cool.

- Is it cool?

- Yeah.

- Are you sure?

[Sighs]

[items clattering]

CHEF:

Get the f*ck out!

BO:

Yes, Chef.

But I-I'm only leaving

'cause I wanted to.

- Bo.

- Nina. Nina.

- What were you doing

in the kitchen?

Is that mezcal?

I know what that means.

- No

NINA: Mm-hmm, it means

you've had a fight with Hilda.

- She's always trying

to change me.

But listen,

it is different this time

NINA:

Mm-mm.

- 'Cause I told her

where to go.

Bye.

- It's not different.

It's the same.

You have a fight with Hilda,

you get off your t*ts

on mezcal,

and then you become

a liability.

Why have you done this tonight?

- Ah! You always told me

to speak my mind.

- Yeah, I do say that a lot.

- Is his dad here yet?

- Yes.

And he has the world's

tiniest glasses,

and I'm not allowed

to talk about it.

No.

BO: Let me at him.

I'll be a right

charming b*stard.

- Absolutely not.

BO: [scoffs]

AMBER:

I don't care, Gina.

I'm not your therapist.

NINA: Amber.

- Yep?

BO: [groans]

- Amber.

- I'm on the clock, Nina.

- Amber, my brother

is very drunk,

and you need to sober him up.

Do not let him

out of your sight.

Please help me, Amber.

You're my only hope.

- Fine.

If you really need me.

NINA: Great.

BO: Did you watch the Rangers

and Celtic last night?

- Um, no.

- You must be

an important c**t,

because I've been told

not to tell

any of my good stories.

- Dad!

- Ach, he knows

I don't mean anything by it,

don't you, pal?

- Sachin is a well-respected

art critic.

ADE: Oh.

- He can k*ll a show at

Art Basel with a single look.

- For my sins.

- [With English accent]

Art "Basil"? I love it there.

SACHIN:

"Bah-sel."

- English accent?

What the f*ck?

SACHIN:

It's not what it used to be.

When did you go?

- Um, well, I mean, I, uh

I meant to go.

- Adrian is something

of an artist, Dad.

- Ah.

What is your medium?

- Benches.

- That's unusual.

What does your work say?

- Well, Sachin, when my

furniture starts talking to me,

I know I've inhaled

too much varnish.

[Laughter]

- Reel it in.

What are you working on,

Sachin?

- Well, I've become

quite interested

in decoupage

in recent years.

- Well, life begins at 60.

- I'm 51.

- [Inhales sharply]

- So decoupage is, um

Um

- Evie, I need to go

to the bathroom,

and I struggle

with all the buttons

on this big boiler suit.

Will you come with me, please?

- Uh-huh.

NINA: OK, awesome.

♪

- [gasps]

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Oh.

[Exhaling forcefully]

[squeaking]

- Evie, you need

to pull yourself together.

- I can't.

I can't.

Oh, my, it's too much.

It's toothe handshake.

I shook his thumb.

[Laughs]

I shook his thumb.

Nina, who does that?

Do you think he noticed?

- Yeah, I think

he probably did.

- I'm normally so good

with parents.

And what is going on

with Mum and Dad?

- Evie, I have not mentioned

that man's tiny glasses

one time,

and it is all I want to do.

We have put our personalities

in a box, aside,

for you to impress this man.

Now, if I can do it

and I'm literally autistic.

Then you can do it.

You've got this.

- I can do this.

- You do this.

- I can do this.

- You can do this.

There is nobody better at being

fake in a social situation

than you, babe.

- Thank you.

That means a lot.

- You're welcome.

- Where's Bo?

- Eeh.

He had a fight with Hilda.

- Oh, my God.

- No, don't worry.

I've got it all under control.

I'm holding down the fort.

Everything's gonna be fine.

EVIE: Yeah.

- You're gonna

go back in there.

We're gonna get

a round of drinks.

- Yeah.

- You're gonna

kick it in the d*ck,

not literally

'cause we'll get arrested.

Yes, we're gonna

knock 'em dead. Come on.

- Yeah. I'm ready.

NINA: OK.

- Let's do it.

NINA: OK. Here we go.

She's a raging bull.

[Both grunt]

- Can I get another round

of drinks, please?

Where's Bo?

- Peek-a-Bo!

- Oh.

You let him behind the bar.

Amber.

- I've got it under control,

you silly goose.

If you're gonna be Evie's MOH,

you have to chill out.

Here, have some

of our cherry crémant

in a special baseless glass.

- [Sniffs]

- [laughs]

It can't be done.

That's not possible.

- f*ck me, Nina,

this is brutal.

I mean, none of my

bench stories are landing.

Mm!

Is this lighter fluid?

- No, it's cherry crémant.

- How can I be someone else?

This is all I've got.

- Just do what I do.

Just take all of your

bad feelings and thoughts

and push them down in

a little ball in your stomach.

Like, I think about

Sachin's tiny, tiny glasses

and just push it down.

And then when I get home,

I scream into my pillow.

[Sighs]

- Oh, is that what you

were doing in your bedroom?

- Yes.

- [Chuckles]

- That fails,

just agree with him.

- With everything he says?

Even if I don't agree?

- Mm-hmm.

Just tilt your head and smile

and say, I agree.

Men love it when you do that.

- All right.

NINA: And fix your tie.

You look like

a pervert professor.

SACHIN: Well, yes,

this generation is impulsive.

I always say it.

- Very impulsive,

this generation.

I completely agree with you.

And I was about

to say that same thing.

RANESH: But it can be good

to be impulsive

Sometimes.

Follow your heart.

SACHIN:

Oh, come on, Ranesh.

Use your critical faculties.

It's this sort of thinking

that got you catfished.

- Sandra said she really needed

that small business loan.

- It's all this living from

one dopamine hit to the next.

- One dopamine hit

to the next, exactly.

We always say that,

don't we, Di?

- Good heavens, yes.

Heavens, heavens.

- Taking the plunge.

- Walking on a knife edge.

SACHIN:

Exactly.

What's the need?

- No need.

- No need.

- Anyway, Ranesh?

- Yes. Yes.

So, Daddy, Evie and I,

we've got something

we'd like to tell you.

[Chuckles nervously]

- We went to London.

- The Big Smoke.

- He took me up The Shard,

and we went

to the Tate Modern. Art!

And we saw the one with, um,

thethe lines

and thethe colors.

It was thethe, mm

The Rothko.

[Chuckles]

It's called the Rothko.

- Is that it?

I thought for a second

you were going to tell me

that you're engaged.

[Laughs]

[laughter]

Oh, I wouldn't put

anything past Ranesh.

- Six weeks and then engaged,

oh, that would be

That would be wild.

- I thought I was a Gemini,

but I think

I'm on the cusp of Taurus.

Wait, what's that new one

they invented?

- Jellyfish.

- [Laughs]

People call me that

all the time.

I sting people

if they get too close.

- [Chuckles]

Hilda's a Gemini,

but I'm a Scorpio,

and they're, like,

incompatible with Geminis.

So she made me a Libra.

- f*ck that.

f*ck changing ourselves

for love.

We should live our truth.

- Live our truth.

- Yeah.

Break away from the binds

of tradition.

Like Malala before us.

Or Harry and Meghan.

[Laughs]

Wait, we've also been banished

by your family,

forced to live in the shadows.

But we will not

stand for it anymore.

Evie needs me.

- Let's Megxit those dobbers.

- You are so funny.

Evie never told me

she had a brother.

- A big brother.

- Such an interesting job

you have, Sachin.

- It has its moments.

ADE: Ah, Bo.

- Oh.

DIANE: Oh, my gosh.

- What is he doing?

- I told Amber

to look after him.

AMBER: We're not gonna be

in the shadows anymore.

- The big cheese.

I'm Bo.

I'm Evie's brother.

But she probably

hasn't said that

'cause she's

embarrassed of me.

EVIE:

[laughs]

I'm so glad you two

have finally met.

Ah.

Bo, why don't you go

and sort yourself out?

- I'm fine.

I'm just

I'm just feeling

a bit worse for the wear.

Had aa fight

with my girlfriend.

You know how that is.

She's a bit

But don't worry, Evie.

I won't invite her to your

big wedding next month.

ADE:

f*ck's sake.

- What?

What wedding?

- Oops.

RANESH: Dad, we, um

We were going to tell you.

- It's something to celebrate.

Crémant?

- Oh, he doesn't drink, Amber!

- Oh!

Not my white shirt.

- Enzymes. Enzymes.

White wine.

- Oh!

- f*ck's sake, dab it.

NINA: Dab, dab, dab.

- Get off me!

Who are you people?

Right.

Well, I'll just

- No, wait.

Um, if you want to know

who we are

Mum isn't English.

Dad sells garden furniture.

Bowell,

Bo's always like that.

He's very damaged.

And Ranesh doesn't wear

cowboy trilbies.

And Evie is my sister.

And she's a really great

and thoughtful

and creative person.

And she once shat her pants

in a nightclub in Zante.

And they were white hot pants,

and Mum tried to get them clean

using baking soda,

but she just

spread it everywhere,

and it was such a mess.

And I'm not supposed

to tell that story.

I don't know why

'cause it's a fun story.

And it makes me happy

to tell it.

And we have spent

this entire evening

pretending to be people

we're not

to try and get you to like us,

which doesn't make any sense

because you're not very nice.

And I need to know,

why are your glasses so tiny?

- Well, I, um

I think they make me look

more interesting than I am.

NINA:

Oh.

Well, fair enough.

SACHIN: Thank you

for your honesty, I guess.

You know, uh,

I once shat my pants

at the Biennale.

[Laughter]

It was everywhere.

[Laughter]

- I don't actually work here.

SACHIN: Well, son,

congratulations are in order.

ADE:

More crémant, anyone?

[Indistinct chatter]

[soft music]

[Doors hiss]

[device beeps]

[doors hiss]

- Oh, hi.

Oh.

Oh.

Just bashed my coccyx.

- What?

- Uh, I just

Well, no, it'sah.

- I was thinking about

your double foam latte name.

- Oh, jeez.

That.

- Foamward Bound.

- [Snorts]

Foamward

- I like that.

That's, uhthat's fun.

- I know.

LEE: The rest were just filth.

- I know you said that we have

to dress up to get along.

But dressing up only works

for a wee bit of time,

and thenthen you just have

to be yourself, you know?

You can'tyou can't hide

who you are forever.

You can't go about

catfishing people

for the rest of your life.

I think you should be honest

off the bat.

I think straightaway,

you should say, I'm weird,

andand not pretend.

- Yeah.

- So do you want to go with me

to get aa not-hot beverage

at some point soon?

- A cold beverage?

- Yes.

- Wow.

Um

Well, yeah, yeah, OK.

- OK.

LEE: [laughs]

Wow.

[Laughs]

Let's do it.

- Cool.

- Oh.

[Robin Adams'

"Sun Behind the Storm"]

ROBIN ADAMS: If we are beaten

by the weather ♪

And if our days

have grown cold ♪

We would do better

to remember ♪

There's always sun

behind the storm ♪

If we are clouded

by the darkness ♪

And if our heart's

too blind to see ♪