Opus (2025)

[bunniefuu]

(ROCK BAND PLAYING GENTLE INTRO)

(CROWD CHEERING FAINTLY)

(ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING

MELLOW SOLO)

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

(CHEERING GROWS LOUDER)

Tamra is a legend.

Yeah, yeah, she's had two

hitless albums back-to-back,

but someone else's take

isn't the ticket.

We need hers.

We need someone who can

get her to actually open up

and be honest.

Somebody who can

get her to say something

brutal or c*ck,

whatever it actually is.

What does she still want

from music?

What does she still think was,

you know, missing

from that last project?

The only thing a story

about a legend like Tamra Camden

is missing

is as much Tamra Camden

as possible.

STAN: Damn good point, Ariel.

-(MURMURS OF AGREEMENT)

-I'd read that.

(CHUCKLES) Thank you.

Uh, I mean,

I would love to maybe--

What about Chris Wreath

to write it?

I mean, he would be

inspired, right?

Yeah, strong agree.

I'll send him a note.

Done.

Okay. Good job.

(PAPERS SHUFFLING)

Moving on. (SIGHS)

On to the M.O.B.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

ARIEL: It's just driving me

f*cking nuts.

I've been there for three years.

Three years of my life,

and I haven't written

a single real story.

-Yes, you have.

-No, I haven't.

What are you talking about?

I loved that piece on that,

uh... What was it?

Blind martial arts instructor.

-Oh, yeah, okay.

-How'd he do

that three-finger thing?

-Oh. Like...

-It was like...

(BOTH GRUNTING FIERCELY)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

-Wow, you look cute today.

-Stop. (GROANS)

-Okay.

-Okay.

This is how I see it.

Step one,

write about famous people

because they're

inherently fascinating.

That's where I'm at right now.

-Step two...

-"Famous people."

Okay. Step two,

people start

to find me fascinating

'cause I'm writing

about fascinating people.

And then, three,

take that goodwill and use it

to write whatever

the f*ck I want.

What's the...

what's the end goal

of all that, though?

Like, what's the point?

-Write a book. Like...

-Mmm.

Books, plural.

Then, show people that...

I don't know...

that I'm a good f*cking writer.

Show them what I... I think

and... and...

and feel, love, hate.

But at this rate,

I'll be, like, 35

before that ever happens,

which is basically 40.

Sorry, no offense.

Whoa, hold up. I'm...

I... I'm only 32.

-What the hell?

-I'm like... I rounded up.

-That's wack.

-That's my fault.

-I... I rounded up.

-Okay, also,

is this one of those vents

where you just need to vent

or one of the rare vents

where you actually

want advice?

Wow. Okay.

The former. Right.

Can you pass me the...

I am open.

I will take advice. I'm open.

-For real?

-Yeah, for real.

Okay.

Well, with love and compassion,

I don't think anyone gives

a f*ck about what you feel

or love or hate.

Listen,

you're only 27 years old.

You didn't grow up poor or rich.

You have a good job,

a perfect bill of health.

No addictions, no enemies.

Hell, you've never let

anyone in close enough,

present company included,

to actually break your heart.

And your parents are perfect,

which is why you always

sh*t on my mom.

No, I always sh*t on your mom

'cause she's f*cking crazy.

Your problem is that

you're middle.

Which is okay. Most people are.

But it's experience

that gives people perspective,

and it's perspective

that gives opinions their value,

and yours is...

it's middle as f*ck.

Okay.

(SIGHS)

This eel is delicious,

by the way.

Yeah, it's really good.

No, it's really, really good.

-Are you okay?

-(MUTTERS)

'Cause I could...

I could take that back.

The eel is really good.

-(PHONES RINGING)

-(BUSY CHATTER)

EDITOR 1: So...

EDITOR 2: I mean,

now is the time, then.

EDITOR 1: But why?

Why is now the time?

EDITOR 2: I mean,

all the pictures

are dropping in.

Like, do you think

he had a ton of work

done to his face?

Probably, but I'm calling

bullshit on the whole thing.

What's up?

There's a rumor flying around

that Moretti's back.

Like, "Moretti" Moretti?

Oh, sh*t.

I know. It's a big day for me.

Dina Simone

was my first ringtone.

Dina Simone was everyone's

first ringtone.

Well, don't be a d*ck.

Ooh, Stan.

You hear?

(SING-SONGY) Moretti's back.

-STAN: Oh, my God. You, too?

-(LAUGHS) I...

Are we done? Huh?

I mean, if social media

wants to freak out

over every rumor,

so be it, but you guys

are supposed to be journalists.

Besides, no one

has seen or heard from Moretti

in 30 years.

If there was an album,

I am sure they'd release it

the same way he always did.

Uh, his publicist,

Soledad Yusef,

would mail in a VHS of him

nonsensically just rattling off

Moretti's career highlights

and proclaiming that

a new album was on the way.

It was nauseating.

-Look at this.

-What's this?

SOLEDAD: (OVER COMPUTER)

Hello, my loves.

Hello.

STAN: Holy sh*t,

that's actually him.

It's been a long time

since we've done this dance.

(STAN WHISTLES, CHUCKLES)

But I think this dance we do

is a timeless one. Don't you?

(STAN LAUGHS)

SOLEDAD: A lot has changed

in the last 27 years.

Oh, my God.

Can you believe

it's been 27 years?

Look at me.

I'm like a silver fox. (LAUGHS)

Okay. I'm having too much fun.

-Enough about me.

-(STAN CHUCKLES)

What about him? What about him?

Mr. Glam-boyant himself.

The Velvet Caller. Don Diva.

The Wizard of Wiggle.

The icon responsible

for the highest-grossing

world tour in history.

The only living artist to

secure 38 number one singles.

Yes. Yes.

It is with... Ooh!

Unmitigated joy

that I announce to you,

my babies,

he's bringing you a gift.

(SIGHS)

The greatest album

of modern times.

(SCOFFS)

Future times, all times, really.

And, in typical

Debutante fashion,

he'll be playing for a select

group of people this weekend

before he gives this

new blessing unto the world.

And there is more to come.

So much more.

Such a sweet little thing

Dina

And you deserve

Million-dollar rings

Simone

I like

Your tight little jeans

Dina

And I love how

She dress like a saint

(SINGING ALONG)

Simone

Hold me, baby

Hold me tight

Kiss me, girl

It's Saturday night

...Alfred Moretti.

See me watching

Paint the town

She's with us

Queens and Crown

All I want is you

And diamonds on me

Ooh, don't you ever

Show me mercy, ooh

I'm here alone

With reservations for three

I need you

You too, perfect, yeah

Such a sweet little thing

Dina

And you deserve

Million-dollar rings

Simone

I like

Your tight little jeans

Dina

And I love how

She dress like a saint

Simone

You chauffeur 'round

All around the town

In Cadillac Sedan de Villes

And sex

Is your favorite thing

Cocaine and blue pills

You, club

You, ballet

She, in the bedroom

Her right here

In the valet

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Bodies intertwine

In the dark lights

Our souls

Oh, sh*t.

Exchange under

The night sky

Raging bulls

Till we fall asleep

The sun is coming for us

Jealousy

Such a sweet little thing

Dina

And you deserve

Million-dollar rings

Simone

-(SONG ENDS)

-He's back, my babies.

(LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Ugh. Classic.

Truly a perfect album,

up there with Thriller,

Hotel California, Nebraska.

WOMAN: There's a second one.

This is for, uh...

Ariel Ecton.

-WOMAN: Who?

-MAN: Seriously?

(OTHERS MURMURING)

CLARA: (OVER TV)

So, what do you think

of the news of Moretti

coming out of retirement?

WOMAN: (OVER TV) Oh, my gosh,

I mean, it feels like a dream,

you know?

I used to listen to him

all the time as a kid,

and now my kids

get their own Moretti album.

(LAUGHING)

And you, sir?

Moretti sleeps 12 hours a day,

and then stands 12 hours a day.

Like, it's

a "balance of life" thing.

This is my favorite rumor

about this guy.

Somebody's trying to suggest

that he bought

Freddie Mercury's teeth.

(LAUGHS)

-And he might--

-Today's top story,

Alfred Moretti,

arguably the biggest pop star

of the '90s,

has resurfaced

after a 30-year hiat...

(CHUCKLES)

(ENTHRALLING MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CALLING)

STAN: Smell that desert air.

ARIEL: Oh, yeah, it's amazing.

-STAN: Right? Oh.

-ARIEL: Hello.

-Hello. Oh, okay. Okay.

-ARIEL: Oh. (CLEARS THROAT)

Ms. Ecton. Mr. Sullivan.

Welcome to Green River, Utah.

It'll be an absolute honor

to spend this weekend with you.

-Thank you.

-Yeah.

Namaste.

Uh, the other guests

are waiting just this way.

Please follow me as we board

the infamous Louise.

Holy sh*t.

Slow Lo.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

So, uh, rumor had it

that when Moretti toured,

his outfits were

so damn heavy that the--

Yeah, they would

weigh the bus down,

and they would have to,

uh, stop to fuel twice as much

'cause it was so slow and low.

-Hence the name.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

ARIEL: I just...

I did a little research.

STAN: No, that's impressive.

That's really impressive.

-ARIEL: Thanks.

-STAN: Yeah. Nice job, rookie.

ARIEL: Okay.

-(ENGINE STARTS)

-Well, lookie here.

-Hey. Long time, huh?

-(LAUGHS)

-(LAUGHING)

-CLARA: Hey.

Oh, everybody, uh, meet Ariel.

Some young blood from

the magazine tagging along.

-Hi.

-This is Clara,

who you know of, I'm sure.

And, of course, Bianca Tyson,

the top paparazza in the game.

-Stan.

-(STAN LAUGHS)

-Clara. Clara.

-Stan.

-CLARA: Stan.

-(STAN AND CLARA LAUGH)

STAN: I see you, uh,

took a break from being

the most hated sex symbol on TV

to join us.

Key words, "sex symbol..."

Thank you... And "TV."

How's print media treating you?

Oh.

-Nice to meet you, dear.

-Oh, nice to meet you.

STAN: I'm not sure who that is.

That is Emily Katz.

-She's an influencer.

-STAN: Oh, Lord help us.

Wait, sorry.

Is she talking to Bill Lotto?

BIANCA: Oh, I know, right?

You'd think some of the sheen

would wear off after he pivoted

to podcasts.

I'm surprised he even came,

to be honest.

What do you mean?

Why would he miss

the event of the century?

They hated each other.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we are about to depart

on our

four-hour-and-eight-minute

journey.

Please feel free to luxuriate

until our arrival.

CLARA: Thank you.

(LAUGHS)

(BRAKES HISSING,

ENGINE ACCELERATING)

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, my God. Cindy Crawford

is such a legend.

She's my favorite

of his girlfriends.

CLARA: Oh, that is sexy.

(LAUGHING) What are they doing?

Stan, have you been

reading this?

Hmm?

Oh, it's from the basket, right?

I haven't. What's the haps?

I mean, the haps are very,

uh, specific. They...

Hey, so this is a good time

to establish our game plan.

Oh. Yeah.

Okay. Yes, actually.

I was, uh, writing

some stuff down earlier.

-Great.

-Yeah.

So, you know, obviously,

I'll be the one

who writes the review

and the piece,

but what I could

really use your help with

is some note-taking.

Okay. Yeah, um, I... I would...

-You know, I could share--

-Nah, just the note-taking.

Anything you see.

Weird books or, uh,

I don't know, orgies, whatever.

Just, uh, write it down,

and I'll give it a look

at the end of the weekend.

Got it?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

(STAN INHALES DEEPLY)

You know, I'm...

I'm really happy for you.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(WIND WHISTLING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(EXCITED SHOUTING)

Who are these people?

Moretti diehards.

They've been congregating

since the announcement.

I even heard a few have been

sleeping in their cars.

All hoping to get

a glimpse of him.

Some people really need a hobby.

(EMILY CHUCKLES)

(CHEERING)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

FAN: I love you!

(BIRDS CALLING)

(ENTHRALLING MUSIC PLAYING)

CLARA: Oh, thanks, honey.

I mean, had to wear

the boots, right?

-JORG: Right this way.

-STAN: They look perfect.

-CLARA: Thanks.

-STAN: Oh, my goodness.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CLARA LAUGHS)

Welcome.

Before you head

to your respective rooms

to freshen up,

to ensure

the integrity of this event,

deposit your cell phones here.

We will return them Sunday

after your experience is over.

CLARA: No problem.

STAN: Thank you.

-(STAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

-(CLARA LAUGHING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hey.

Ms. Katz. (CLEARS THROAT)

(CELL PHONE DROPS IN BASKET)

Thank you.

This is a gift.

-STAN: Oh.

-CLARA: Thank you.

WOMAN: Welcome, Ms. Ecton.

CLARA: It's beautiful.

-STAN: (WHISPERS) Ariel.

-I'm gonna put this by my Emmy.

-(STAN MOUTHING)

-Okay.

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(QUIET, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(BIRDS CHIRPING, CAWING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DOOR OPENS)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Over the years,

my concerts attracted

a, uh, veritable who's who

of the revered

and the beatified.

And after every show,

it was customary

for me to invite some of them

backstage to my green room

to take photos

and exchange pleasantries.

And, one night,

I had the unbelievable honor

to welcome both Chuck Norris

and Muhammad Ali.

And as is always the case

when two alpha males enter

the same space,

a competition ensued.

And soon enough,

Chuck Norris stood up

and announced that his hands

were so fast

that he could chop

a mosquito in half.

And just as he had finished

that sentence...

Hi-ya!

-(MURMURING, CHUCKLING)

-I looked down at the floor,

and sure enough,

there's a mosquito

chopped in half.

Ali doesn't skip a beat.

He stands up,

goes to the center of the room,

kind of leans back a bit.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Double-jabs it.

I look down on the floor,

and there is a mosquito

chopped into four tiny bits.

The entire room applauds.

But Chuck Norris,

very determined,

does not give up.

He reclaims

the center of the room.

Locates one, and then...

(GRUNTING FIERCELY)

(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

I look down, and sure enough,

there lay a little bloodsucker

cut into six tiny portions.

And Ali, cool as a cucumber,

he stands,

scouring the room,

locates a mosquito.

-Whack.

-(CLARA CHUCKLES)

I look up, and that mosquito

is still airborne.

I say, "Ali, champ,

"that mosquito is still

flying around."

Ali turns back to me,

and he says,

"Yeah, he's still flying around,

"but he'll never have children."

(LAUGHTER)

And so,

let me be the first

to congratulate all of you

on being the first to hear

my 18th studio album,

Caesar's Request.

(APPLAUSE)

Let's dine, shall we?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-Hi. It's so nice

to finally meet you.

-Pleasure.

(CHATTER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

-It's good to see you.

-You, too.

-Alfred.

-Young man.

-Mmm.

-Pleasure.

I'd like to start off

by saying...

-Water under the bridge.

-Exactly.

(CHATTER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

-BILL: You look good, man.

-MORETTI: You look good, too.

Not as good as me.

-Oh.

-Thanks, Ariel.

Hey. I heard

you're from New York City.

-Is that true?

-Uh, yes, it is true.

That's so cool.

-Thanks.

-I like your hair.

I like your hair, too.

Uh, my name's Ariel.

Nice to meet you, Ariel.

-I'm Maude.

-Nice to meet you, Maude.

Would you like to sit

with me, Ariel?

Yes.

Yes, I would.

(GLASS CLINKING)

STAN: Now a toast, if I may.

Because this, my old friend,

does not happen anymore.

This, we have missed,

as we have missed you.

Guys, this is my friend Ariel.

-STAN: We're honored

to be here with you.

-Hi.

How are you? I'm Joel.

-Nice to meet you.

-STAN: To Alfred.

-BILL: Alfred.

-(DISHES CLINKING)

(LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hey. First Roll.

OTHERS: First Roll.

Take a bite and pass it across.

(BREAD CRUNCHING)

-BILL: There you go.

-(CLARA LAUGHING)

STAN: Whoa.

You're like a panther.

CLARA: Are we gonna get

to see you dance this weekend?

MORETTI: Don't fret, my dear.

I'm still uncoordinated.

(LAUGHTER)

STAN: Come on, Clara.

CLARA: What?

Nobody moves like Moretti.

(CHATTER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(BREAD CRUNCHING)

(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING)

(BREAD CRUNCHING)

(QUIET MURMURING)

STAN: Oh. Thank you.

BILL: But it's a pretty one.

Indeed it is.

Yeah. Thought so.

Jorg, right?

Ariel Ecton. (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

This is amazing.

(SIGHS) Um...

Full disclosure,

I'm a journalist here,

and we might be writing a piece

just about how amazing

all this is,

and, um, I just wanted to get,

like, a little bit

of background color,

if you're comfortable

talking to me a little.

I used to teach music

at Harden High School

in Charlotte.

One semester, I picked

my favorite musician...

The Wizard of Wiggle himself,

to be the primary focus

for the kids.

One day,

I'm teaching second period

when I get a phone call

saying that Moretti

wanted to meet me.

(CHUCKLING) And at first,

I thought it was a prank,

you know?

-Mmm.

-Of course.

No one had seen Moretti

in almost ten years.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

And then...

he got on the phone...

and that voice is...

...unmistakable.

-Like, this ain't no prank.

-(CHUCKLES)

That's the m*therf*cking

Debutante himself. (CHUCKLES)

Wait, so...

Moretti just, like,

called you out of the blue?

He told me not to tell anyone.

Did he say

what he wanted or... or...

(LAUGHING) What?

No need. No.

I didn't even tell my job.

No call, no show.

I... I was on a plane

the next morning.

(CHUCKLES)

And now, I teach music theory

to the children.

Like, uh, you know,

little Maudey there.

And John here, uh,

teaches phys ed,

like, uh, you know, like,

uh, track and archery.

"Teach them young,

and the world will be yours."

ARIEL: That's from the book,

right? The...

the... the blue one that's...

-Meditations of Level.

-ARIEL: Yeah.

Is that, um...

Sorry, I don't... I don't know

how else to ask that.

Are you...

-you guys...

-We're Levelists.

What do you, uh...

What is that, I guess,

to you or...

you all?

"The one and only holistic path

"to prevent the obstruction

of creativity

"and ensure the protection

of those divinely burdened

to wield it."

(FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

Doesn't "sycophant" have an "O"?

Probably, yeah. Um...

-Hi.

-Alfred Moretti.

Ariel Ecton.

-Indeed you are.

-(CHUCKLES)

I was shocked to get the invite,

but I'm truly honored

and thrilled

to get to be here this weekend.

I hope so.

-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

-Don't forget the "O."

-Right. Yeah.

-Rest well.

ARIEL: You, too.

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

Congratulations,

and welcome again

to this once-in-a-lifetime

gathering.

For your comfort,

we have assigned each of you

a 24-7 concierge.

If there are

any accommodations

that you may desire,

please do not hesitate

to ask them.

None too big, none too small.

Your concierge is here for you.

STAN: Holy sh*t,

the Moretti Museum.

-(LIGHT LAUGHTER)

-I can't believe it's real.

CLARA: Oh, the kids are doing

a puppet show.

I love puppet shows.

(EXHALING RHYTHMICALLY)

(RUMMAGING THROUGH BAG)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(SCOFFS, SIGHS)

(LOUD POPPING)

(GUM POPS LOUDLY)

(SIGHS)

MORETTI: (OVER TAPE PLAYER)

This song is titled

Tomorrow, my love.

Please enjoy.

(SLOW, MELANCHOLY INTRO PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

The last time

I fell in love

I was 16

A little ol' boy

With some big ol' dreams

Then she headed west

For this Hollywood thing

Love didn't work out

Like it seemed

I begged her to stay

But I had no means

Stood there

In my cowboy hat

And my favorite jeans

And every night at 8:00

She's on TV

But for me

Things didn't work out

Like they seemed

You deserve the best

And I'll miss you slow

'Cause life's

Moving faster

Faster than before

When we were young

We had time

Felt seconds last forever

But what I never knew

Was how much time

We'd have together

How much time

We'd have together

(SONG ENDS)

(SIGHS)

(DOOR OPENS)

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

Hmm?

-Ow!

-MAN: There we go. Go.

BILL: Hey, what are you doing?

-MAN: Go ahead.

-(CREAKING)

(GRUNTING)

What are... No, let go of me!

(GRUNTING)

-MAN: That's it.

-(TOOL WHIRRING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING STOPS)

(BIRD CALLING)

(YAWNING)

Morning.

Good morning.

Can I get you anything?

No. I was just gonna

go for a jog.

(CHUCKLING)

I can go for a jog, right?

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(SIGHS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(BIRD CALLING)

-(FROG CROAKING)

-(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(ARIEL PANTING)

MORETTI: Morning.

ARIEL: Morning.

How are you finding

everything so far?

Good. Yeah.

How was your morning jog?

It was good.

I, um... I feel bad, though.

My concierge

had to jog with me

the whole time. (CHUCKLES)

You guys really go

above and beyond

with the service here.

Oh, that's the only thing

you find above and beyond?

The service?

Yeah. Um...

I mean, the song was amazing.

Like, genuinely. It was...

gorgeous and haunting

and kind of funny.

Funny? How?

It's just not really how

I picture your heart, I guess.

How did you picture my heart?

(CHUCKLES) Um...

I...

Like Teflon,

glitter-glazed and reinforced

with a sh*t ton of cash

and applause.

Pardon my French.

Well, don't stop Frenching

on my account, dear. Sit.

ARIEL: Um...

Really, though, I just...

I found it really impressive.

Thank you.

You're able to sing

about all that

like it was yesterday, and...

it was really kind of comforting

that you hadn't lost a step.

Thank you. Well, yes,

that would be a bummer.

(CHUCKLING) Yeah,

that'd be a huge bummer.

Hi, Ariel.

Um...

not to get all

Anderson Cooper on you

-first thing in the morning...

-Mmm-hmm.

...but, um, this place,

this, um...

religion, Level...

...how long ago was it

since you founded it?

Oh. (LAUGHING)

Oh, no. I didn't create it.

You think I wrote all that?

No, I'm just a simple songman.

It existed long before me.

But you are a member?

Yes, I'm very committed to it.

What is it that you guys do?

What do you mean, what do we do?

I mean, all religions

do something.

Catholics go to Mass.

They drink the blood of Christ.

Muslims, uh, pray towards Mecca.

You know, they...

they do things.

All religions have things

that they do together.

Um, then what do you call

a group that does

nothing together?

Congress.

(MORETTI LAUGHS)

Actually, you know what?

There... there is...

one thing we... we all do.

Would you like to see?

Yeah.

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRACKING NEARBY)

(CRACKING CONTINUES)

(HUSHED) Sorry about the odor.

I wish that I could say

you get used to it,

but you don't.

Now, this believer is engaged

in a process we call Diving.

That's something

we're all called to do.

"We all," including yourself?

Absolutely.

ARIEL: So, you eat them?

For necklaces,

we source only natural pearls,

so that means

we're obligated to open

oyster after oyster after oyster

before we find one

with a pearl in it.

Well, in a hundred oysters,

how often do you find a pearl?

Not all that often,

but distilling it

into a chore of numbers

is beside the point.

Well, what's the point, then?

-(KNIFE SQUISHES)

-(MAN GRUNTING)

MAN: (SOFTLY) Oh, damn.

We should probably...

leave him to it,

let him concentrate.

(DOOR OPENS)

(CHUCKLES) Um...

forgive me if I'm missing

something, but...

what...

(CHUCKLING) What's the point

of that, exactly?

Well, the Meditations of Level

teaches us that the worth

of a single pearl

surpasses the value

of all empty shells

and that balance, true balance,

exists not in the notion

that all things are equal

but in the realization

that all things are not...

equal.

True balance?

Yes.

Like someone who would sleep

12 hours a day

and stay up for 12 hours,

for example.

MORETTI: Hmm.

Did you really buy and wear

Freddie Mercury's teeth?

(SHOWER RUNNING)

(SHOWER STOPS)

(KNOCKING)

Okay.

Hi.

Oh, hello.

It's so great

to finally meet you, Ariel.

Uh, it's nice

to meet you, too...

Rachel.

-Okay.

-Okay, um...

(RACHEL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY

TO STAFF)

Rachel. (CHUCKLES)

-Rachel, hi. Yeah.

-Hi.

What... what is all this?

Here.

Oh, beautiful. Option three,

with the olive foundation,

like we talked about

last week, okay?

-Okay.

-Thank you.

No, I... I got

one of these, actually.

Um... just, like, what is this?

Is this, like, the...

the spa experience or...

Right. Okay.

We're gonna make you look

like the best version of you.

Okay. Um...

What number?

Okay. Two dresses.

Let me ask you this.

Uh...

did you receive a call

out of the blue, maybe,

from Moretti a few years ago,

and that's what brought you

to this place?

I'm sorry, my dear,

the schedule.

Let us do what we do,

and I promise

you will look and feel

-like a million bucks.

-Yeah. Okay.

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm. Mmm.

You have Pam Grier's

bone structure.

-Okay.

-Ooh, truly gorgeous.

Let's not get carried away, now.

Okay.

It's so weird.

You guys do fast work.

It's like, one day

you just look in the mirror

and you're both

of your parents, you're...

(ELECTRIC RAZOR BUZZING)

-(BUZZING STOPS)

-Okay, hon.

So, how's the lady garden?

Umm...

What? (CHUCKLES)

Your lady garden.

(CHUCKLES)

Your cha-cha.

Your vag*na, my dear.

When was the last time

you shaved or waxed down there?

Uh, no, yeah,

I... I... I figured.

Um... (LAUGHS)

I don't know.

Uh, I... I... I don't...

I don't know why

it's any of your business.

It... it has been a... a minute.

That's good. That's good.

Moretti requires

that everyone be unshaven.

But what he actually means

is a full, tidy bush,

emphasis on "tidy."

We all do it, even the men.

(LAUGHS)

Does he have plans to...

to... to see...

I'm sure he doesn't.

I've worked on The Debutante

since before

the Cream Crush Tour.

He's had many impressive guests.

Icons, people who had holidays

named after them.

Football players,

Pulitzer Prize winners.

Everyone with 100% certainty

has gone through this process.

Okay, uh, sorry.

So, um, because

some famous, influential people

wanted to... to...

to spend time with Moretti,

they let you,

or whoever else, um...

shave them down there?

Hey, as Moretti always says,

"No one is more of a star f*ck

"than the f*cking stars."

(ELECTRIC RAZOR BUZZING)

I mean, has the man

ever told a joke

that's actually funny?

-Well...

-Hey.

-Hey.

-(GASPS) Wow, honey.

-You look gorgeous.

-(ARIEL CHUCKLES)

Doesn't she look gorgeous, Stan?

-STAN: No objection here.

-I mean, you guys look amazing.

I love your hair, Clara.

Well, it's a wig.

Yeah, she knows it's a wig,

Stan, you miserable a*s.

And they put it on

a little bit too tight,

but other than that,

I think it looks fabulous on me.

It does. This is a look.

Um...

Sorry, did... did...

did your guys's concierges

stay with you all night?

-Yep.

-Yep.

And did they, um...

they shave you down...

-Uh-huh.

-Yeah.

Okay. Cool.

(LAUGHS) f*cking Moretti.

CLARA: Yeah.

(ARIEL CHUCKLES)

-ARIEL: Oh, hey.

-BIANCA: Hey.

-ARIEL: Hey.

-BIANCA: Hey.

EMILY: Ooh. Wow.

-Thank you.

-Wow.

-Bianca, look at this look.

-This is great.

-Stop.

-You look beautiful.

-I've never seen you

look like this.

-All right.

Shall we head

to the listening room?

Um... we're down one,

though, right?

Oh, yeah. Where is Bill?

Mr. Lotto opted for

a longer massage session.

He'll rejoin the group later.

(SCOFFS) Typical.

-as*h*le.

-He's so indulgent.

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

(LIGHT LAUGHTER, QUIET CHATTER)

MORETTI: I'll only say this,

humanity has been in debt

ever since we found ourselves

on this tiny rock.

Every so often,

there is a Michelangelo

who paints a Sistine Chapel

or a Tina Turner

who covers Proud Mary,

and humanity chips away

at that debt.

Now, I'm not saying this album,

Caesar's Request,

will bring us into the black,

but you can bet your a*s

it'll bring us closer to it.

(PULSING ELECTRONIC BEAT PLAYS)

(UPBEAT ELECTRIC GUITAR LINE

PLAYS OVER ELECTRONIC BEAT)

(GRUNTS)

Whoo, whoo.

Hey, babe

Look to me

The way you fall asleep

Tonight I pray

I'm in your dreams

Hey, crazy

Come to me

I love to play

The role of love

Girl, write me

In your scenes

Cameras, action

Fatal attraction

Encore, concords

Latest fashion

Girl, you sexy

And you know it

And you ain't afraid

To show it

I adore you

Bring your gifts

Bring your a*s

Bring your lips

Bring me Venus

I'll bring you Mars

Bring the night

I'll bring the stars

I'll bring it all

All, all, all, all, all

35 millimeter

Stop, sh**t, pose, sh**t

Pulse, win, vogue, lose

Light, love, rogue

Live, bold, die

35 millimeter

Stop, sh**t, pose, sh**t

Pulse, win, vogue, lose

Walk, love, walk

Live, walk, die

35 millimeter

Hey, love

Hey, love

I come alive at night

Let's be alive tonight

Sweet soul

Pure soul

Bring a rise

Until I'm hypnotized

Borderlines get crossed

Put me in focus

Girl, I'm hopeless

Don't be camera-shy

Let's both defy this life

Put us on the screen

For everyone to see

Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

Girl, you sexy

And you know it

And you ain't afraid

To show it

I adore you

Bring your gifts

Bring your a*s

Bring your lips

Bring me Venus

I'll bring you Mars

Bring the night

I'll bring the stars

I'll bring it all

35 millimeter

Stop, sh**t, pose, sh**t

Pulse, win, vogue, lose

Light, love, rogue

Live, bold, die

35 millimeter

(VOICE DISTORTED)

Stop, sh**t, pose, sh**t

Pulse, win, vogue, lose

Walk, love, walk

(DISTORTED HOWLING)

Live, walk, die

Love

Live, die

(COUGHING)

(GASPING)

MORETTI: Can we cut

the music, please?

-Honey, are you all right?

-(SONG STOPS)

-Can we get her some water?

-(CLEARS THROAT, COUGHS)

It's probably a peanut allergy.

I swear, that entire generation

just woke up one day

with a peanut allergy.

-(COUGHS, GASPS)

-It might be

the altitude, actually.

Rachel, can we get her

an IV drip, maybe?

And also,

check with the kind folks

in the infirmary.

-Maybe give her a once-over.

-Just breathe, Emily.

You're... you're in great

hands with... with Rachel.

(EMILY COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT)

Don't worry.

I've had worse reviews.

(LAUGHTER)

MORETTI: Maybe let's all go

get some fresh air

and let the music decant

a little bit, shall we?

-Sure.

-Yeah?

Yeah.

MORETTI: Thank you. I'm honored.

It's just so inspiring.

-(CLARA GROANS)

-Hey. You good?

(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

I'm just trying to loosen it.

What's crazier,

the fact that Moretti

has changed his wardrobe

-six times

in the last two days...

-(CHUCKLES)

...or that he's still

the best entertainer

in the world?

-ARIEL: No, for sure, but--

-CLARA: Yeah.

This whole thing's a trip, man.

Him, this place, like...

The people here

are weirdly talented

and seem mostly happy.

Yeah.

The scars on the hands, though.

I don't know if I love that.

-Huh. I hadn't noticed.

-Yeah.

Um, you know Stan

pretty well, yeah?

Stan? Yeah.

How apeshit do you think he'd go

if I were to write

a secondary piece,

like, on the Levelists?

Here's the thing,

Stan is an as*h*le,

but if you have

a real story to tell,

not even he can deny that.

STAN: There's something

that unites them.

And I... I'm not quite sure

how to put it, but they...

they're all very different,

but there's something...

It's as if they're all

faces of the one.

MORETTI: Mmm-hm.

Well, you know, Level believes

God is a temporary

state of being

and that divinity

is accessible for all,

but soon fades away.

-STAN: Right.

-For... for instance,

when I created the bridge

-on Live Without Love...

-(STAN SIGHS)

...uh, in that moment,

I was a god.

-Capital "G" God.

-You were.

But only in the same way the...

the person who, uh,

created the horseshoe

thousands of years ago

was a god.

-That is

really fascinating, Alfred.

-Mmm.

Do you think that...

that that could be a little

bit alienating, though?

Just seeing as most people can't

and won't ever create something

truly perfect

in their lifetimes?

Actually, we believe

it's the exact opposite.

That anyone can be a god

at any moment.

The opportunity is there

for everyone,

from the boss

to the lowest on the masthead.

Yeah, it makes sense, right?

We are only vessels.

Some of us have the goods,

some of us don't.

(LAUGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Thank you so much.

-So, what's the deal?

How's the note-taking coming?

-Uh...

No, it's good. It's good.

-Okay.

-Yeah.

I've been finding

a lot of really

fascinating stuff.

-Mmm-hmm.

-I was thinking, you know,

maybe I could write

some sort of secondary...

like, a... a companion piece

to yours.

-Secondary piece?

-Uh, yeah. Secondary,

completely secondary.

(WHISPERING)

Just on the Levelists.

Stan.

Be real with me.

This is a cult.

-(CHUCKLES) Well, yeah.

-Or damn well near one.

Like, this is insane.

Yeah. So?

So, I was talking to...

-to Jorg last night.

-Mmm-hmm.

The backstories

on the members...

They're all just

so fascinating.

I could just do a deep dive--

No, no, no, no.

Let me stop you. Stop, stop.

Let me stop you there.

We are publishing one story.

-(SCOFFS)

-And you're... you're playing

a... a vital role in it.

But, you know,

any and everything

that's interesting

about this place

will be in my story.

-Okay.

-Plus... plus...

the... the... the weird

groupies in blue,

the f*cking vases,

god damn dancing,

none of that matters

because it's about the music.

-That's the story,

you know? I mean...

-(ARIEL GASPS)

(GROANING)

-Oh, my God. Stan.

-STAN: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, somebody help!

-What happened?

-Have Charlan rush here.

-(HYPERVENTILATING)

-What happened?

-Now!

-Oh, my God. Take it out,

take it out, take it out.

-No!

-CLARA: Oh, my goodness!

-(SHUSHING)

-(STAN GROANING)

-Just breathe, just breathe.

-CLARA: What's going on?

-JORG: It looks like

it only hit his shoulder...

-What the f*ck?

...but still hurry.

ARIEL: Just breathe,

just breathe, just breathe.

-BIANCA: Don't take it out.

-(STAN GROANING)

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, it's...

I'm so sorry, mister.

It was a mistake with my grip.

It slipped.

(STAN GROANING)

STAN: Oh, my God.

(GROANING CONTINUES)

STAN: Yes?

("DINA SIMONE" PLAYING

INSIDE ROOM)

Ariel. Come, have a drink.

Ariel.

We were just saying we...

we should call over to your room

and invite you over.

-We were just saying that.

-And here you are.

There's not a lot left,

but you look like

a lightweight, so...

Oh, I remember when I used

to look like a lightweight.

Well, we all remember

the '80s, Bianca.

-BIANCA: f*ck you.

-CLARA: Okay.

-STAN: f*ck you.

-CLARA: To Moretti...

-(MUSIC STOPS)

-...the best entertainer

in the world,

still the greatest of all time.

-No doubt.

-BIANCA: Moretti.

Ariel, what's wrong?

Oh, this better not be about

the f*cking article.

I know that.

Stan, is it possible

that what happened to you

wasn't an accident?

-CLARA AND STAN: What?

-We're here,

in the middle

of f*cking nowhere.

They took our cell phones.

They took our laptops.

We have no way

of communicating

with the outside world.

They're surveilling us,

watching us 24/7.

They're probably

f*cking listening in

to this room somehow.

People are f*cking missing.

-Let's not forget about that.

-What?

Are you sure

you haven't been drinking

with us?

-(LAUGHING)

-Because this is sounding

a little crazy.

-CLARA: Didn't wanna say it.

-STAN: Sorry.

Something is off.

Is this not alarming

to you at all?

Like, is it weird

or f*cking strange

in the least bit?

It's less odd to me

that Bill Lotto's

pretentious a*s

thinks that he's too good

to listen to the album

with the rest of us

than it is that

the Alfred Moretti

did all of this

to steal our cell phones

or something. I mean, come on.

I don't know

why he f*cking did it.

You said that

they hated each other.

Oh, yeah, they hate each other

over something so silly.

Years ago,

Bill gave an interview

where he sort of

made fun of Moretti

for getting his Doberman

stuffed after it died.

-BIANCA: Oh, Tucker.

-STAN: That's right.

That's right. Tucker. (LAUGHS)

Oh. RIP.

And then, of course,

Moretti was shamed

a little bit

because everybody thought

it was kind of strange,

-because it's kind of strange.

-BIANCA: Mmm-hmm.

This just doesn't feel

f*cking right at all to me.

STAN: Okay,

and that's why you're the one

just taking notes.

-Okay. (SCOFFS)

-CLARA: Just calm... Hold on.

-What is happening?

-I don't know. It's...

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MORETTI SOBBING)

(LEVELISTS MURMURING)

(SOBBING CONTINUES)

The crowd...

the crowd is oh so upset.

(LEVELISTS GROANING)

Upset that I'm not onstage.

LEVELISTS: Yeah!

The back row is half asleep.

(LEVELISTS GROANING)

But the front row

is ready to rage.

LEVELISTS: Yeah!

The drummer was an hour late.

(LEVELISTS GROANING)

-He was in the back seat

of a groupie's car.

-LEVELISTS: Yeah!

The spotlight just blew out.

(LEVELISTS GROANING)

But my sarong,

it shines from afar.

LEVELISTS: Yeah!

The price of the ticket was low.

(LEVELISTS GROANING)

But we're booked

for another gig.

(CHEERING)

The microphone

is tiny and cheap.

(LEVELISTS GROANING)

But it makes my bulge

look big.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

MAN: Bravo!

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRD CALLING)

Ariel?

(KNOCKING)

(BELL TOLLING)

I love you all dearly.

I hope to see you soon.

(QUIET CHATTER)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DOOR RATTLING)

(FLIES BUZZING)

(SCRATCHING RAPIDLY)

-(SCRATCHING CONTINUES)

-(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)

(SCRATCHING CONTINUES)

-Whoa.

-RACHEL: Are you...

Are you okay?

Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

What's... what's wrong?

-Just, wait a minute.

-(CHUCKLES)

Let me explain, okay?

-I'm leaving.

-Ariel. Ariel.

Ariel!

(PANTING)

Ariel.

I need to leave.

Why? What... what happened?

What's wrong?

(CHUCKLES)

Uh, where's Bill Lotto?

Najee?

I would assume

he's getting dressed for dinner.

Wait, did Bill

do something to you?

No, just, where is he?

Where's... where's Emily Katz?

NAJEE: I just left her.

She's feeling much better

and will join us

at the children's show.

Oh. Okay.

MORETTI: Ariel, you...

Can't you tell me

exactly what happened?

You seemed just peachy

yesterday.

Um, no, I'm not, uh,

explaining anything.

Just, uh, I want to go.

I'm gonna go.

I am going now. I'm leaving.

I'm sorry, but that simply

isn't possible right now.

A few of the believers took

the Louise into town.

They should be back soon.

Okay, well,

what about one of those?

NAJEE: Those will

get you ten miles.

You'll have to walk

the other 40.

Okay. Well, we have to

figure something out,

'cause I gotta go.

This is the opportunity

of a lifetime.

If you're too ungrateful to--

Jorg.

(SCOFFS) Can't you see

she's frightened?

And it's obviously something

we did or didn't do,

so I would like to apologize

for that and assure you

that we will get you out of here

as soon as we can

possibly do so.

Najee, when is

the bus returning?

40 minutes, max.

I'll call them now.

MORETTI: In the meanwhile,

I want you to get a hold of Jeff

and deal with the plane.

Get it fueled up.

Make sure it's ready to go

the second we get Ariel

to the airport, okay?

-No argument, top priority.

-Yes, sir.

But what about the puppet show?

MORETTI: Well, she...

she has to leave,

so she... she'll miss it

this time.

But we worked so hard,

and you were supposed

to sit next to me.

It's not fair.

MORETTI: You know,

maybe we can do this.

If Ariel agrees,

the children's building

is the closest one

to the gate,

and she could stay

and watch the show

until the bus got here.

If you feel comfortable

with that.

I could see the entrance

from the building?

Like, I could see it?

(STAMMERS)

Cross my heart, hope to die.

(SCOFFS)

Yeah, fine.

-Yes!

-ARIEL: Okay.

Jorg, if you could...

Thank you.

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

STAN: (SOFTLY) Yeah.

(QUIET CHATTER)

(SIGHS)

(CHUCKLING)

CLARA: Cute.

MORETTI: All right, children.

Presenting

The Tragedy of Billie.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOMBER JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(PUPPETS CHATTERING)

(PUPPETS LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLES)

(PUPPET CHATTER

AND LAUGHTER STOPS)

BILLIE HOLIDAY: Okay. I'm ready.

-(PUPPETS CLAMORING)

-PUPPETS: Lady Day!

Tell us, has the trauma

in your childhood

helped you make

such successful music?

Coming from where I'm from,

to be where I'm at now,

well, I guess that's

a sweet song in itself.

But I wouldn't wish

my childhood on anyone,

-even for success.

-Tell us about prison.

Did you perform any ditties

in the slammer?

Well, I'm no saint.

You already knew that.

And prison sure ain't

full of saints,

but neither is

the rest of the world.

Are you still on smack?

I'm very pleased to announce

that I'm 100% sober

as I stand here

and plan to finish my days

exactly that way.

I'm embarrassed and ashamed

of the mistakes

I've made in my past

and ask my fans and family

to forgive me

as best as they can.

I know I'm certainly trying to.

When did the weight gain start?

How do you feel about McKay

blowing your fortune?

Are you flat broke?

Reports say you're flat broke.

Billie, when will we hear

Strange Fruit again?

Do you think

a former prost*tute

should be a role model?

Billie! Ms. Holiday!

(PUPPET REPORTERS CLAMORING)

PUPPET REPORTERS:

Billie! Ms. Holiday!

PUPPET REPORTERS: Lady Day!

(PUPPET REPORTERS LAUGHING)

Something moved.

Something moved.

What... what the f*ck is that?

(GASPS)

-What the f*ck?

-Oh, my God.

STAN: Jesus.

STAN: Is... is this

some kind of joke?

-CLARA: What?

-STAN: Is there some...

someone in there?

Oh, f*ck. Oh, my God.

What the f*ck?

Jesus Christ.

(EMILY GROANING)

CLARA: Oh, my God.

-STAN: Em?

-(EMILY WHIMPERING)

-BIANCA: Oh, my God.

-NAJEE: Time to go, children.

STAN: What the f*ck

is wrong with her?

(EMILY GRUNTING, WHIMPERING)

Um, I promised

I would be an open book,

and welshing ain't cute.

Well done, kids.

Very... very charming.

Uh, so I'll try and explain.

Whatever chemical compound

she ingested,

uh...

Sorry, science is a bit of

a "blah, blah, blah" to me.

Suffice it to say

that whatever

is wet inside her body

is rapidly expanding.

Is... is that

more or less accurate?

-More or less.

-MORETTI: You see?

Wonders happen

when we follow the science.

Wouldn't you say, dear?

(EMILY GASPING)

STAN: Don't...

What the f*ck are you doing?

-CLARA: Oh, my God.

Don't touch her.

-STAN: Jesus.

-(ALL GROANING)

-(EMILY GRUNTS)

-(ALL GASPING)

-STAN: Jesus Christ.

-MORETTI: Jorg, please.

-STAN: He's f*cking insane.

-MORETTI: A towel.

-Move.

Move, you m*therf*ckers!

No! Let me go!

-Get off of me!

-(GRUNTING)

-LEVELIST: Nobody leaves!

-BIANCA: I wanna go.

Let me go.

-Stay down.

-Okay.

-f*ck! Look at that.

-(STAN SOBBING)

I mean, will you look at that?

Why is it

that waterproof foundation

is never truly waterproof?

-Why?

-(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

JORG: Great question.

MORETTI: And, you know, I...

I must say something,

I'm afraid.

-(CLARA SOBBING)

-Um... (SNIFFS)

(CLARA MUTTERING)

MORETTI: Many of us here

have worked

very hard to make this

a once-in-a-lifetime event,

and I find that

all of you are being

very, very disruptive.

-(GASPING, CRYING)

-MORETTI: Excuse... excuse me.

-That's dramatic.

-CLARA: (CRYING) Let me go.

I just wanna go.

Excuse me. That's dramatic.

Now, may we finally begin

the Q and A

to discuss Caesar's Request?

(YELLING)

(PANICKED SCREAMING)

NAJEE: Hey, hey, hey!

(WHIMPERING, SCREAMING)

LEVELIST: Sit!

-BIANCA: Oh, my God.

-(WHIMPERING, SCREAMING)

BIANCA: Oh!

(CLARA SCREAMING)

STAN: Jesus Christ.

(SCREAMING)

MORETTI: Shut her up!

(SCREAMING STOPS)

(STAN GROANING)

(CLARA GASPING)

-LEVELIST: Sit her up.

-MORETTI: Intermission

is finished.

(BREATH TREMBLING)

What the f*ck is this?

"What the f*ck is this?"

That's what you said?

"What the f*ck is this?"

So, the first question

of my first interview

in 30 years is,

"What the f*ck is this?"

(SIGHS)

You know, I... I think

I could do better on my own,

-so let's give it a try.

-(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)

(IMITATING VALLEY GIRL)

Uh, Mr. Alfred Moretti.

Question mark.

Why did you

name your new album,

like, Caesar's Request?

(IN NORMAL VOICE)

Thank you for the question.

And thank you, Billie,

for the invite.

Well, it's an interesting story.

One day,

while summering on the Cape,

I was engrossed by an account

of the time that

Julius Caesar was kidnapped.

Now, does anyone here

happen to know

who kidnapped Julius Caesar?

(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)

(SOFTLY) Pirates.

Pirates.

From the mouths of babes.

You're absolutely right,

Ariel Ecton.

Now, let me ask you,

uh, do you happen to know

how Julius Caesar responded

once he'd been freed?

He went back with his army.

MORETTI: To do what?

Don't disappoint us, now.

He k*lled all of his kidnappers.

MORETTI: Um,

he crucified them, actually.

Every single one of them.

No hyperbole,

no foundational myth

about a man walking on water.

Just simple, actual

crucifixion for all of them.

Now tell me, teacher's pet,

on whom I'm about to place

a big, big bet...

what's the best part

of the story?

(SOFTLY) Um...

-(ARIEL SHUDDERING)

-Well, the best part

of the story is that

the pirates who kidnapped

the Julius Caesar

thought he was

a commoner. (CHUCKLES)

They thought

they were his equal.

And because

of this misconception,

they asked the same ransom

for Julius Caesar

that they would've asked

for any Joe Schmo Roman.

And this meant that

Caesar was obligated

to demand a raise in his ransom

so that it would be commensurate

with his position.

And what does that tell us?

Well...

(WHISPERING)

It tells us that royalty,

even when at the mercy

of peasants,

is still royalty, doesn't it?

Doesn't it?

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Now,

what about that story, kids?

And how about that puppet show?

(LAUGHING)

The Tragedy of Billie.

I think that interview

went rather well.

-JORG: Wonderful,

wonderful interview.

-BIANCA: No.

(CRYING) Please, please.

-Please let me go.

-BIANCA: Stan.

Please. Please.

-No, no, please.

-(CLARA WHIMPERS)

(CRYING) I'm sorry.

Please.

(GROANS)

BIANCA: (CRYING) Stan. No.

(STAN GRUNTING)

-(GRUNTING)

-(BIANCA GROANING)

-(KNIFE STABBING REPEATEDLY)

-(BELLE GRUNTING)

Belle.

(STABBING CONTINUES)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

Baby Jane, I lost my nerve

Hear my heart

Please ignore my words

We jumped the broom

That was the best of days

(STAN GROANS)

Since we broke up

I've been in a daze

Baby Jane

Please don't take the cat

(GRUNTING VICIOUSLY)

("BABY JANE"

CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

RECORDED VOICE: Welcome

to the Rhinestone Chalet,

Moretti's childhood home

turned interactive museum.

Did you know

that Alfred's roots

come from Peoria, Illinois?

...feel to you until that day.

I mean, until that moment.

-(STABBING CONTINUES)

-(BELLE GRUNTING VICIOUSLY)

-(DOORKNOB RATTLING)

-LEVELIST: Circle back around.

(DOOR CREAKING SHUT)

(FOOTSTEPS)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(BIRD CALLING)

So jealous.

(BREATHING WEAKLY)

(BREATHING STOPS)

(CHIMES TINKLING)

You're still pretty.

(BIRDS CALLING)

(CLATTERING DOWNSTAIRS)

(DOOR CREAKING)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

(DOOR RATTLING)

(RATTLING STOPS)

(FOOTSTEPS)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(FOOTSTEPS FADING IN DISTANCE)

(GRUNTING)

(STRAINING)

(SCREWDRIVER CLATTERS ON FLOOR)

-(CLATTERING)

-(PAINED GRUNTING)

(LOUD THUD)

(GRUNTING AND CLATTERING STOPS)

(DISTORTED VOICES

SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

MORETTI: ...sacrifice of

our beautiful creation.

See, we can't, uh,

un-paint a canvas

or un-play a chord.

And if a mistake has been made,

either yours or someone else's,

the only way to rectify it

is to make something beautiful.

Now, I've studied

at every temple of taste

in the entire world.

I've picked over

every reliquary that exists.

But I've never seen anything

as beautiful as you pearls.

We don't know

what tomorrow will bring.

Maybe we'll all be together...

(ARIEL SHUDDERING)

(MORETTI CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(RACHEL SHUSHING)

Listen to me.

When you get to the gate,

make a right, okay?

(SHUSHES)

And then, go until you see

the light, all right?

But let's hope

it's something beautiful.

To our time in the sand.

LEVELISTS: To our time

in the sand.

Push me.

Cheers.

(WHISPERS) Cheers.

(ARIEL GRUNTING)

-(GROANING)

-(LEVELISTS SCREAMING)

(MORETTI GASPING FRANTICALLY)

(MORETTI WHIMPERING)

-(WHIMPERING CONTINUES)

-(ATV ENGINE REVVING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(YELPS)

(PANTING)

-Hey.

-(TAPPING ON WINDOW)

Help, help, help!

-Who are you?

-I was in the house.

I was there,

and people are dead,

and we have to go.

-LEE: You were in there?

-Yes, I was in there.

Holy sh*t, you're bleeding.

Are you hurt?

-Yes, I am hurt!

-Is Moretti hurt?

Yes, he's hurt,

so we have to go.

-You met Moretti?

-We have to leave.

LEE: Wait, did he do the wiggle?

I bet he did the wiggle.

Did you hear

the new song... (GROANS)

ARIEL: I'm so sorry!

-(LEE COUGHING)

-(ENGINE STARTS)

(LEE GROANING)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(ENTRY BELL JINGLING)

(CASH REGISTER BEEPING)

INTERVIEWER: Do you think

about why that Levelist

helped you escape that night?

Or do you mentally try not

to go back to that time?

(CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS)

Maybe a mix of both.

I don't know.

I'm... This is, like,

my millionth interview

this month,

so you have to forgive me.

Book tours are...

BOTH: Exhausting.

-Yeah, exhausting.

-(LAUGHING) Yes, I'm tired.

So, you know I gotta ask...

Is that how it really happened

when you went back

to the compound?

It's... it's exactly

as I wrote it.

-(BIRDS CHIRPING)

-(SIRENS WAILING)

(PIANO PLAYING GENTLE MELODY)

INTERVIEWER:

And he was actually

just sitting there alone,

still in the white suit,

playing the piano?

I do feel like I've said this

a million times at this point,

but it was, uh, surreal.

Cops haven't been able to

locate a single Levelist body.

They still haven't found

the fan who was at the gate.

-Just nothing.

-Hmm.

-(PHONE BUZZING)

-Um, sorry.

-Do you mind if I...

-Oh, yeah.

Thanks.

Hello? This is Ariel Ecton.

Ariel. Guess who.

It's Soledad Yusef

calling from sunny

Malibu, California.

And how do you find yourself

this Monday morning?

My love? Hello?

-What do you want?

-Ooh. Someone's spicy

this morning.

But I believe it's more

of what you want.

Didn't you send in

six interview requests

to sit down with Mr. Moretti

for your novel?

Well, you're in luck.

Mr. Moretti would like

to sit down this evening

at the high-risk

state hospital in Reno.

It's like a medieval t*rture

chamber, if you ask me.

Honestly, these states

should be tried for the way

they treat people.

It's just absolutely abhorrent.

ARIEL: Soledad, you are aware

that your client,

Alfred Moretti,

pled guilty to the m*rder

of five innocent people,

tried to k*ll me,

and is suspected

of leading hundreds

of Levelists to mass suicide?

He's passionate.

Ciao, my darling.

Take care of yourself.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

(CELL DOOR BUZZING)

(DOOR CLANGS SHUT)

Salutations, as they say.

Oh, heavy.

Shall we get started?

(BEEPS)

Python.

-Excuse me?

-Well, in your novel,

you wrote that when...

the first day we met

that I was wearing

cream-colored alligator boots,

but in fact, they were

smoke-colored python boots.

Now, of course,

that's an easy mistake to make

for an untrained eye,

but, uh, I would never.

It's unimaginable--

In my "novel," you said?

In my 320-page non-fiction text,

your biggest gripe is with

the material of your boots?

You know, it's just, a little

constructive criticism

never k*lled anyone, Ariel.

Okay. (SCOFFS)

-(RECORDER BEEPS)

-Um...

I didn't expect you

to be remorseful

like a normal person,

but I came here

to try to report the truth

so that there's closure

for the families and--

(WHISPERS)

And to sell a few more books.

-Well...

-Ariel, while you circle

around and around

the one question

that you most assuredly

came here to ask me...

Very quickly...

Primitive man chose their leader

in the same way that

animals chose their leader...

uh, brute strength.

Yeah, I... I'm familiar

with Darwin's theory.

Uh, what does that have to do

with you being a m*rder*r?

Man evolved.

Humanity evolved.

Um, it, uh, created government

and rules and law.

And with those things,

then the criteria

for what was needed

in a leader changed.

So, it went from this

to left brain.

To be president,

you have to go

to an Ivy League school

and get a little Ivy League

law degree

to signal to the rest of us,

the peons,

uh, that this is

the smart person.

But look at where we are.

Today's world is burning,

literally.

Illiteracy is at its highest.

We've never been more divided.

We have permanent w*r,

and the list goes on.

So, clearly, the metric,

this left-brain metric,

failed miserably.

But there is an answer.

A new evolution.

So, won't be this anymore

or this left brain

but this right brain

where the most creative

are in charge.

Look, I'm not just gonna

sit here and act like

I didn't find Stan's old article

where he referred to Tilt

as overrated,

Bianca's rather unflattering

paparazzi shots.

Not good. Not too pretty.

And let's not forget Clara's

digs about your bald head.

And even you can't

wiggle your way free

after murdering

hundreds of people.

I didn't m*rder

hundreds of people.

You didn't m*rder Stan Sullivan,

Clara Armstrong,

Bianca Tyson,

Emily Katz, and Bill Lotto?

Oh, yeah, I m*rder*d them.

You should know

your masterpiece, Ariel,

is also the introduction

to our story.

No one will condone m*rder.

But if it's scandalous enough,

they'll never stop

talking about it.

Besides, you're not gonna stop

becoming Catholic

'cause you read a book

about the Crusades.

You're serving a life sentence

five times over.

Why not just tell us

where the bodies are?

Where are the Levelists?

Around.

We're spread out,

but still connected

to teach the young

and sprout new chapters,

to preserve dying crafts,

to inspire and comfort,

to fan the flames

of raw enthusiasm,

to closely monitor those

who obstruct

the divinely burdened.

Not hiding but waiting.

Waiting to better tomorrow.

So, what was in

the champagne glasses, then?

-Champagne.

-(ARIEL SIGHS)

-Okay.

-MORETTI: Oh.

With talent comes forgiveness.

The bigger the talent,

the more complete

the forgiveness.

Level will grow and grow.

We just, uh... (SIGHS, CHUCKLES)

needed someone

to get the ball rolling.

(SOFTLY) So, um...

Come on. You get it.

(SCOFFS)

So, why me?

Disco.

Two reasons, really.

One for us, one for me.

For us, we felt

you were a pure vessel,

completely uncorrupted

by success,

uncorrupted by cheap shots

for clicks.

For me, while looking

through your background,

I read a story you'd written

about a school board lady.

-Remember that?

-ARIEL: Carol Reggo?

That piece was less

than 500 words. It was before

I was even at J.

You wrote that her chin was

"delightfully inconspicuous."

And I needed my chin

in good hands.

(MOUTHING)

TV HOST: Once in a generation,

a tragedy so compelling occurs,

it grabs the entire world's

attention.

Most people

condemn the horrific events

that took place a few years ago,

while a growing minority

sympathize with

the guilty party.

After all, Caesar's Request

has sold millions of copies

since its release.

But the one thing

we can all agree on...

Our next guest is a star.

Her new book

was an instant bestseller,

but unless

you've been living on Mars,

you already know that.

Ms. Ecton, good morning.

Congratulations.

I'm so thrilled to be

sitting down with you today.

I mean, Our Time in the Sand

is such a daring,

beautiful novel.

What does it feel like

to have written the book

that everybody's talking about?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(WHISPERING) Ms. Ecton?

( "DLZ" BY TV ON THE RADIO

PLAYING)

Congratulations on the mess

You made of things

I'm trying to reconstruct

The air and all that brings

And oxidation is

The compromise you own

But this is beginning

To feel

Like the dog wants a bone

Say

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la

You force your fire and then

You falsify your deeds

Your methods dot

The disconnect

From all your creeds

And fortune strives to fill

The vacuum that it feeds

But this is beginning

To feel

Like the dog's lost a lead

Say

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la

This is beginning

To feel like

The long-winded blues

Of the never

This is beginning

To feel like

It's curling up slowly

And finding a throat

To choke

This is beginning

To feel like

The long-winded blues

Of the never

Barely controlled

Locomotive

Consuming the picture and

Blowing the crows, the smoke

This is beginning

To feel like

The long-winded blues

Of the never

Static expl*si*n devoted

To crushing the broken

And shoving their souls

To ghost

Eternalized, objectified

You set your sights so high

But this is beginning

To feel like

The bolt busted loose

From the lever

Never mind,

Death professor

Your structure's fine

My dust is better

Your victim flies so high

All to catch a bird's-eye

View of who's next

Never you mind

Death professor

Love is life

My love is better

Your victim flies so high

Eyes could be the diamonds

Confused with who's next

Never you mind

Death professor

Your shocks are fine

My struts are better

Your fiction flies so high

Y'all could use a doctor

Who's sick, who's next?

Never you mind

Death professor

Electrified

My love is better

It's crystallized, so am I

All could be the diamond

Fused with who's next

This is beginning

To feel like

The dawn

Of a loser forever

This is beginning

To feel like

The dawn of a loser forever

This is beginning

To feel like

The dawn of a loser forever

This is beginning

To feel like

The dawn of a loser forever

This is beginning

To feel like

The dawn of a loser forever

(SONG ENDS)