(heavy breathing)
- Lutzner: Dearly beloved...
- Paul: Okay.
we are gathered here today to
join Paul Duerson
and Sofia Minor
in holy matrimony.
Do you take Paul to be
your lawfully-wedded husband?
Sofia: I do.
Paul: (VO) I hate it when
they show the ending first.
But I just couldn't
help myself.
Lutzner:
You may kiss the bride.
Paul: (VO) Okay guys,
that's enough.
Back to the beginning.
(upbeat instrumental
music playing)
(upbeat music continues)
(doorbell rings)
- (lock clicks)
- (music stops)
(crickets chirping)
So, what do you think?
It was my dad's.
Fits perfect, huh?
How was the tour?
Saw you guys in San Francisco.
(whooshing noise)
Whoa-h*! Nice.
Don't do this. Just go.
(whispers) William...
Tonight is the night.
I'm proposing.
Bell: I told you...
the next time you came around,
I was calling the police.
You're k*lling me.
We have to talk with you
about something.
I didn't want to do this.
I didn't want to do this.
Who?
Me and Sofia.
You know, my girlfriend?
She's not your girlfriend.
Okay, listen.
I know you're a lonely guy.
Because your wife died.
And that's why Sofia does
those puzzles with you.
She does them with you
because she feels bad
that your wife
died of stomach cancer,
and you have no one
to do puzzles with anymore.
(soft tense music playing)
How do you know
about the puzzles?
- Is she here?
- No.
Oh... oh, I can wait.
It's not a problem.
- No, no, no.
- Paul: No, it's really not...
Listen, I really don't want
to have to call the cops,
man, okay?
Just leave. Now.
You don't have to call them.
You don't have to. (chuckles)
You know, I could just
sit right... right in there.
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
High five.
Give it to me. I need it.
- (sighs heavily)
- I need it.
Bell: Okay, Paul.
You got big hands.
Bye.
Oh, f*ck. Go!
(door slams shut, lock clicks)
(doorbell rings)
(sighs) Goddammit.
(sinister music rising)
Hey. Hey.
Paul:
Why are you acting this way?
Take it easy.
Don't be mad at me, Ladybug.
Bell: I'm not mad at you.
You're confused.
We've been through this before.
You don't know Sofia.
Paul: You're wrong.
You are wrong.
Bell: Okay, you know her.
- Give me the knife.
- You.
What?
You're Sofia.
Don't you... Don't!
Look, I'm unarmed.
Let me help.
Say you're Sofia.
- Okay, I'm Sofia.
- And you love me.
I'm Sofia, and I love you.
Now, give me the knife, Paul.
Stay there.
(tense music playing)
Yeah. Oh, my god.
Here it is.
I have a ring.
It's really nice of you.
Will you marry me?
I don't know what to...
to say.
Put it on.
It's perfect.
(chuckles)
Give me the knife, Paul.
(singing softly) I am broken
My heart has spoken
You are broken, too
I'm afraid I'm depraved
But no one's depraved
Like you
I freaking love that song.
I love it.
The wedding is going to be
at the Cassowary Tabernacle.
JH is my best man.
Pastor Tim Lutzner
is gonna perform the ceremony.
And... and, and...
I got this dagger.
Not this one.
It's a Rajput ceremonial
wedding dagger.
It's in Customs now,
but wait
until you see this thing.
I mean... we're gonna
look amazing up there.
I mean, for that alone.
(chuckles) What do you think?
You're pretty stone- faced
right now.
Okay, let's do it.
Really?
- You love me?
- Yes. I love you. Now...
now, please
just give me the knife.
- (blade slashing)
- (Bell groans)
(Paul grunts, sniffles)
(Bell groans)
(Bell wheezing)
Paul: Hmm.
(Bell groans in pain)
Who should we tell first?
My family or yours?
(Paul giggles)
("Bongo Rock"
by The Incredible Bongo Band
playing)
(song continues, muffled)
(indistinct, overlapping
news report chatter)
(chatter fades)
("No More 'I Love You's"
by Annie Lennox plays)
(siren wailing)
I used to be a lunatic
From the gracious days
I used to feel woebegone
And so restless nights
(laughing)
My aching heart would bleed
For you to see
Oh, but now
I don't find myself
bouncing home
Whistling buttonhole tunes
to make me cry
Sofia: Okay, um... I'm ready.
Ready for my interview.
Rhodes: Who is DeVante Rhodes?
Sofia: Ah. Well...
he's the best point guard
in the game of basketball.
Rhodes: So he's hot.
Is that why you had your people
call me yesterday?
No. I don't even know
what a point guard does.
What else he say?
He said you were a trailblazer.
And I was like, "In what?"
(scoffs) I- I was traded
to the Nuggets.
(chuckles)
That's a really silly name
for a basketball team.
Okay, so you called me up
to make fun of me?
Well, you seemed... like fun.
And I like to have fun.
Is that why you wrote that song?
What song?
I kind of like that one.
(claps hands) It's your turn.
You're up.
- Rhodes: All right.
- Sofia: Move it.
(Sofia chuckles)
What's your favorite
song of mine?
I told you.
"Girls Just Want to Have Fun."
That's Cyndi Lauper.
You're confusing
your white singers.
It's embarrassing.
Oh, uh... "Like a Prayer."
Do I look like Madonna?
A little. Actually.
- (knocking on door)
- Kaylor: Sofia?
It's Kaylor.
Your assistant?
Sofia: I know who you are,
Kaylor. What's up?
William's here.
(gasps)
Who's, uh... who's William?
Sofia: He goes by Bell.
That doesn't
answer my question.
Sofia: I'll be down in a sec.
Does he seem okay to you?
Kaylor: What do you mean?
Sofia: You know, is he healthy,
mentally?
Kaylor:
Do you mean, like, twitchy?
He seems fine.
Are you twitchy?
Hey, Sof.
Hey!
Hmm.
- Sofia: How's Abby?
- Oh, she's good. Thank you.
(chuckles) That's Rhodes.
- The Blazer?
- He's a Nugget now.
Come on, I wanna
show you something.
(belt clinking)
Kaylor: Have you met Waylon
up at the front booth?
- His wife makes the best chili.
- (suspenseful music playing)
- Rhodes: What the f*ck?
- (birds chirping)
(Bell chatting indistinctly)
Sofia: Love it.
Ta- da!
Would you look at that.
Took me every bit
of the six months
- you were gone, too.
- Mm
Wow. Six months...
for this puzzle.
Shut up.
And here is our next challen...
You said I could choose.
There's a piece missing.
Yeah, I know.
It's driving me nuts.
I looked everywhere for it.
(suspenseful music fades into
"Lovefool" by The Cardigans)
Dear, I fear
We're facing a problem
You love me no longer
I know and
Maybe there is nothing
That I can do
To make you do
Mama tells me
I shouldn't bother
That I ought just stick
To another man...
(engine stops, car door opens)
(birds chirping)
Bell: Sorry I'm late.
I figured I'd get
the silent treatment.
Came with reinforcements.
(bottle clinks)
Here. You left it up here.
Not supposed to
have Coke this late.
Says who?
You.
Well...
I won't tell if you don't.
You ready?
(bottles clink)
Let's see.
You're upset because the Pirates
lost their third straight today.
That was a terrible game,
but that's not why I'm mad.
Drink.
Hmm. Okay.
Is it because
I'm going back to work?
And you were really
looking forward
to spending more time
with me this summer?
- You're not that cool.
- (chuckles)
You're afraid
I could get hurt again.
I just hate
the whole idea of a bodyguard.
It's like saying your life
is less important than hers.
He called again today.
- Who?
- You know who.
Next time he does,
hang up and call me.
He just seemed confused.
- (door opens, squeaks)
- (dog barking)
(distant shouting)
(siren wailing)
Paul: (VO) My dearest JH,
by the time you're
reading this,
the best day of my life,
and therefore yours,
will be fast approaching.
So, by now, you should have
already picked up
my parcel
from the post office.
You wrote down
the lock combination
when we last spoke
so you should be able to
let yourself in.
I don't want to put too much
in writing because...
(whispers) spies.
But I trust you're prepared
and remember the plan.
Oh, and please remember
to bring your eyepatch.
I love you so much, JH.
Sofia and I
could not be happier
that you're joining us
on this journey.
Your best pal...
confidant, Paul.
(jaunty string music playing)
- (music fading)
- (overlapping news reports)
(sirens wailing)
Reporter: ... escape from
Concord Park Institution
in Fresno has left two dead
and one injured.
Authorities tell us
that Paul Duerson
and Penelope Pascal
are unarmed
and should be considered
extremely dangerous.
(phone ringing)
- Bell: I won't be long.
- Abby: But, Dad,
- I don't think...
- Bell: Everything's fine.
Stay here with Aunt Eleanor
and be nice. Okay?
- Abby: I'm always nice.
- Um- hmm.
- Be careful.
- I'm always careful.
I love you.
(laughing maniacally)
You got the trunk
and the clothes!
Yeah.
See?!
I knew you could do it!
JH: Ah.
Is that what I think it is?
It finally came.
You wanna go to McDonald's?
(door opens, shuts)
(Penny panting)
JH: Hey, Paul.
There's a woman in the car.
Paul: That's Penny.
(Penny grunting)
- (sneezes)
- Paul: Bless you.
She's my PA.
JH: What's a PA?
(French accent)
A personal assistant.
Paul: She helps Sofia and I
with our schedules
because we're both so busy.
Penny: I help with tasks.
To organize holidays
and gatekeep from unwanted...
... uh...
Kli... Kli... Klingons?
- Yes, Paul?
- Clingers-on.
Klingons are something...
totally different.
Hey... hey, Paul.
Maybe I could be your PA.
Paul: You know, JH,
it's best not to go into
business with your friends.
Hey, I thought you went home.
What, uh... what happened?
Officer Parker:
Let's get you inside.
Bell?
Paul Duerson escaped
from Concord Park two hours ago.
Huh. (chuckles nervously)
Rhodes: Who the f*ck
is this Paul Duerson?
(car horn blares)
What happens to your eye?
I lost it.
- In a sword fight.
- (Penny gasps)
No.
He had a worm. A parasite.
(chuckles)
JH: It's not funny.
(Paul chuckles)
It's a little funny.
Paul: All right, Penny.
You're up first,
then we'll drop you, JH.
(suspenseful music playing)
(knocks on door)
(door opening)
Can I help you?
Yes. Hello, mister.
My car is... is broke.
Can... can I use your telephone?
Well, I'm pretty good with cars.
Why don't I take a look at it?
Now, where's that accent from?
(door closes)
- Rhodes: Bell, right?
- Yeah.
Rhodes: You mind if I use
your phone real quick?
I'm gonna call a cab.
Sure, but they'll take
forever to get here. It's late.
The guest bedroom
should be made up.
(chuckles) Oh, yeah.
We were messing around.
And I... can't find
my clothes now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got you.
Had fun tonight?
Yeah, Sofia is crazy, man.
(box thuds)
So, this guy, um...
Paul Duerson.
Rhodes: Yeah.
How bad he get you?
Bell: Ruptured spleen.
Should have bled out.
He called the cops on himself.
(car door thudding outside)
(suspenseful music playing)
(car engine revs)
(suspenseful music playing)
(phone ringing)
Yeah?
Wait, slow down.
Call the police. I'm coming.
(phone thuds)
Rhodes: What?
What's going on, man?
Bell: I never should have left
her.
f*ck!
Bell: Lock this behind me.
(locks clicking)
(sentimental music playing)
(chuckles)
Lu's on First, huh? (scoffs)
So, that's what this is.
What the f*ck.
(mellow piano music playing)
Hey. Cute top.
Where'd you get that?
(Sofia chuckles)
Hey, look, it's cool
if you wanna... go.
Oh.
- That's it then?
- Sofia: Well, yeah.
'Cause Bell's here,
Waylon's out front.
Bell left.
Where'd he go?
(Officer Carter whistling)
(knocks on door)
Hello? Got a call!
Hello?
(clears throat) Uh, got a call.
Yes, there's a strange man here.
- Inside?
- Outside.
So, there's not a man
here-here, then?
- No.
Is that out of the ordinary?
- For there to be a man outside?
- No.
This seems to be
a fairly busy block.
People walk.
People stroll.
Ms... ?
Eleanor: The guy was creepy,
all right?
And it's late.
You think I'd call the cops
for no reason?
That him?
What?
Is that the man from outside?
I'm not a man.
(Officer Carter chuckles)
Eleanor: You think
this is funny?
No. But, uh...
everything
seems to be okay now.
And I gotta get up early
for an audition, so...
An audition?
Musical.
It's a black box theater thing.
Okay. Look, if you really
want me to hang out here,
I can, uh, stay here
and keep you safe.
How about a cup of coffee?
Oh, we'd feel safer
if you protected us
from your car outside.
- (kettle whistling)
- Bicycle.
(Abby laughs)
What?
(kettle whistling)
Okay.
(chuckles)
Should we get started
on the new one?
Have you seen this movie?
Because it looks like a riot.
Something wrong?
No.
It looks like
something's wrong.
Rhodes: You worked so hard
on this puzzle and...
we're just...
just gonna clean it all up?
Well yeah,
that's how puzzles work.
Yeah, finished with that one.
Are you crying?
Nah.
Okay.
I'm a puzzle.
What?
You built me up
for a minute.
You made me...
feel nice and...
whole and comfortable, and...
now, you're finished with me?
I didn't say
we were finished.
Yeah, but we're finished.
I can tell.
Just... put me back in my box.
Oo-kay. Um...
(slurping)
(car door closing,
engine receding)
(country music playing on radio)
Uh... okay.
(country music continues)
Hello?
Hello?
- (electricity dying)
- (music fades)
(crickets chirping)
- f*ck.
- Sofia: f*ck.
This keeps happening.
They were supposed to
fix this sh*t weeks ago.
(lighter clicks)
Rhodes: Who is "they"?
Sofia: I don't know.
The... light people?
Rhodes: Okay. Where's your
circuit breaker?
Sofia: I don't know.
Rhodes: You don't know where
your circuit breaker is?
Sofia: Do you know where
the circuit breaker is?
This is your house.
Sofia: Well...
I have... many houses,
and many circuit breakers.
(scoffs)
What?
That was
such a Sofia thing to say.
Excuse me?
Talking about how many
circuit breakers you have
is a rich person thing to say.
You're rich,
so you can't talk.
Rhodes: Rich...
is a state of mind.
(chuckles)
What does that mean?
Like this thing.
It was a gift from Liberace.
It's funny.
It's creepy.
And I didn't know
people gave out
these candle holders as gifts.
But I guess fancy clothing
designers do.
It's called a candelabra.
(clears throat)
And Liberace was a pianist,
you're thinking of Versace.
Again, a very
Sofia thing to say.
Waylon: Dammit.
Ah, f*ck.
Come on.
Sofia: Where are you going?
Rhodes: To find
your circuit breaker.
(Sofia sighs)
Is there a problem here?
Actually, you know what?
I don't care.
I'm not doing this with you.
- (lighter clicks)
- Rhodes: Doing what?
Sofia: Digging any
deeper with you.
Rhodes: Yeah. No sh*t.
Sofia:
It is a little weird, though.
For you to be so...
how you are.
Rhodes: Like a Black guy,
you mean?
Sofia: Please. Come on.
You're nothing at all
what people say about you.
You're more of a...
(crickets chirping)
Rhodes: I'm not like what
who says about me?
Whoever wrote that list
on your desk...
that's some real
Ice Queen sh*t
to have just f*cking
lying around.
And, where do I fit in?
How are you ever going to
find anything real?
- Sofia: Real?
- Yeah.
What is that even?
(sneezes)
Waylon: Who the f*ck are you?
Sofia: I'm very sorry
your feelings were hurt,
but I kind of have
other things to worry about.
The psycho who tried to k*ll me
is on the loose.
He tried to k*ll Bell.
You weren't even home.
He thought he was stabbing me.
He wanted me dead!
What are you still doing here?
I don't need you
to protect me.
Okay, yeah.
'Cause you have armed guards
and a security system
from the future, right?
- Yeah, great point!
- Okay.
- You're not needed at all.
- Rhodes: All right, I'm out.
(Waylon groaning)
(coughing and groaning)
Oh, my ba*ls!
I enjoy this American hat.
(playful music playing)
Uh-uh. Open sesame.
- (Taser buzzing)
- (Waylon screaming)
(giggling)
- (Waylon groans)
- (Penny mutters indistinctly)
(gasps, laughs)
(Waylon groaning)
(Penny screams)
(groans)
(grunting)
Waylon will call you a cab.
(Waylon groaning)
Waylon: (muffled) Help me!
Yee- haw!
(microwave smashing)
(crickets chirping)
Rhodes: Hey man,
can you open the gate?
Waylon?
(switch clicks)
Sofia: (groans) Ow! sh*t!
(laughs)
Am I an idiot?
(suspenseful music playing)
(sliding door clicks)
Paul: Coo- coo.
Hello?
Rhodes?
(lighter rattles)
(lighter clicks)
(suspenseful music playing)
(kettle whistling)
(stove knob clicks)
(kettle's whistle dies)
(objects clank)
(tense music playing)
(lighter clicks)
(suspenseful music playing)
(switch clicks)
Hey, Ladybug.
(object thuds)
Ooh! I missed you a lot.
A lot. A lot.
(chuckles)
Mm.
I owe you an apology.
I am so sorry
for leaving, honey.
Get away from me.
- (unsettling music playing)
- I...
Baby, I...
Don't do...
I don't know
what I was thinking.
Mmm.
Hi. (chuckles)
- (grunts)
- (Paul groans)
Hey, wait a second.
Wait. I can explain, baby.
Ow!
Paul:
Enough with the little oranges!
Ow! Those are hard!
Baby, wait a sec.
(grunts)
(glass shattering)
(panting)
That is such bad luck, Sofia!
(shouting) Get out of my
f*cking house!!!
- (grunts)
- Paul: Sofia.
Sofia: Get out of here!
(tense music playing)
I'm trying. I'm trying!
(tense music playing)
(screaming)
(thudding)
(squeaking)
Abby: Did my dad ever tell
you about Paul Duerson?
Like, what happened to him?
I saw on MTV News
that his girlfriend collapsed
during a Sofia concert.
A stroke or something
during "Father May I."
Just, boom,
dead at The Forum.
(car tires screech)
You want to know
what's also messed up?
I'm in the "Father May I"
music video
and it's always
projected behind Sofia
when she performs it.
So, maybe Paul Duerson's
girlfriend saw my face
- and just, like, died.
- (door opens)
- Hey.
- Abby: Hey, Dad.
Everyone okay?
Eleanor: I think the officer
might have scared him off.
Eleanor made him
wait outside.
There was nobody out there.
Get dressed.
- Abby: Where we going?
- Bell: Police station.
He was supposed to be
keeping an eye out.
He was just there.
(ambient traffic noise)
Officer Carter: I just got an
Invitation through the mails
"Your presence requested
This evening, it's formal
A top hat,
A white tie and tails"
Nothing now could take
The wind out of my sails
Because I'm invited
To step out this evening
With top hat,
White tie and tails
Oh, I...
(clears throat)
Oh, I'm puttin'
On my top hat
Tyin' up my white tie
Brushin' off my tails
I'm steppin' out, my dear
To breathe an atmosphere
That simply reeks with class
And I trust that
You'll excuse my dust
When I step on the gas
For I'll be there
Puttin' down my top hat
Mussin' up my white tie
And dancin' in my tails
(panting)
- (tense music playing)
- The heck?
- (bike squeaks)
- The f*ck did my chain go?
Who the hell steals a chain
from a police officer's bike?
Unbelievable.
f*cking West Side...
- (chain rattles)
- (choking)
(groaning)
(neck snaps)
(car tires screech)
Abby: Is that the cop's?
Bell: Get in the car
and lock the doors.
(sinister music playing)
(g*n c*ck)
Abby: Dad?
May I have that g*n, please?
His hand is cold.
Let go of her.
JH: Take us to Sofia's house,
please.
Paul is waiting for us.
- (g*n thuds)
- Abby: Do you work for him?
JH: You should never go
into business with friends.
("Crimson and Clover"
by Tommy James & the Shondells
playing)
Now I don't hardly know her
But I think
I could love her
Crimson and clover
Ah...
When she comes walking over
Now I've been
Waiting to show her
Crimson and clover
Over and over
- Yeah
- Da-da, da-da, da-da
My, my, such a sweet thing
Da-da, da-da, da-da
I wanna do everything
Da-da, da-da, da-da
What a beautiful feeling
Da-da, da-da, da-da
Crimson and clover
Da-da, da-da, da-da
Over and over
Da-da, da-da, da-da
Da-da, da-da, da-da
Da-da, da-da, da-da
I k*lled someone.
- (claps softly)
- (Paul scoffs)
Ow. Ow!
Paul: (as Hannibal Lecter)
Hello, Clarice.
(normally) We've got a long,
long night ahead of us.
(chuckles)
Listen. I know
you're super upset.
I know you're upset
that I left you.
But I really needed some time
to focus on me
before I could focus on us.
But now, I'm ready
to be yours forever.
And I mean... forever.
- Paul...
- Paul: And ever.
And ever, and ever,
and ever, and ever.
- Paul.
- And ever, and ever.
Call me Paul.
Paul.
I love it
when you call me by my name.
Okay. Um... listen.
You're confused. All right?
You're in the middle
of a psychotic...
um...
They told me
what happened to you.
At my show,
and I am so sorry.
Nobody should have
to go through that.
Okay?
But this is not the answer.
You're mad about the venue...
- Oh, my God. The venue?
- aren't you?
(scoffs)
The Cassowary Tabernacle?
What?
The church
we're getting married at?
It's important to me.
We're getting married?
- Of course. (chuckles)
- Sofia: Oh, God.
What, are you having
second thoughts?
Look, this snuck up on us,
and it's totally normal
to have feelings like this.
But I mean,
you knew all of this.
- Um...
- Are you feeling okay?
Sofia: Um...
Okay, well, uh...
You gonna let me out then?
Of course.
Sofia: Yeah, now? (chuckles)
Show you around the house.
Show you the Jacuzzi.
Paul: You're hilarious, Sofia.
Like I don't know
where the Jacuzzi is. (scoffs)
I've been here like
a bazillion times. (chuckles)
(chuckles)
("Lovefool" by The Cardigans
playing quietly over radio)
Will you please just
take the bag off her head.
JH: No.
Why are you doing this?
I'm not supposed to say.
Paul's a real great planner,
and he don't want me
to ruin anything.
So, you just do whatever
he tells you to?
Is that it?
He's the only person who ever
treated me like a person.
Well, he's gotten you
into a lot of trouble.
Let them go.
We'll sort it out.
Pull over here.
(crickets chirping)
Get out.
Find the nearest house.
Call the police.
Not them.
You.
Turn this song up.
Drive off and I'll k*ll him.
- (car door closes)
- It's okay.
Abby: Where's he taking him?
- Eleanor: He'll be okay.
- ... reach a solution
I will end up
Lost in confusion
I don't care
If you really care
As long as you don't go
So I cry and I pray
And I beg
Don't do this.
I'm sorry.
- (g*nsh*t)
- Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
So I cry
And I beg for you to
Love me love me
Say that you love me
- You can take the bag off now.
- Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout
Anything but you
Paul: I have a surprise
for you.
Don't move a muscle.
(shushing)
(whispering) Penny.
This is Penny.
She's a big fan of yours.
We met on the inside.
It was totally platonic.
She's great.
She's from Nice en France.
Spelled like "nice."
Nice.
Ha! Hilarious, Sofia. Truly.
(laughs) Truly. Uh, uh...
Penny plays the piano
and sings, just like you.
Oh... mon dieu.
We could be a... a duet.
(gasps)
Paul: See? Friends already!
Look at that. Perfect!
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
("Borderline"
by The Flaming Lips playing)
Something in the way
You love me
Won't let me be
I don't want to be
Your prisoner
So baby
Won't you set me free?
Stop playin' with my heart
Finish what you start
When you make my love
Come down
If you want me let me know
Baby let it show
Come on now
Don't fool around
(instrumental break)
Something in your eyes
Is makin' such a fool of me
When you hold me in your arms
You love me
'Til I just can't see
Just...
Try to understand
I've given all I can
'Cause you got
The best of me
Borderline
Feels like I'm
Goin' to lose my mind
You just keep on pushin'
My love
Over the borderline
(discordant instrumental break)
- (doorbell rings)
- (music fades)
(footsteps approaching)
You made it!
(claps, exclaims)
Whoo!
Welcome to the c*ck hour,
where drinks and hors d'oeuvres
will be served
before the shuttle
takes us to the church.
(sniffles)
JH, put the g*n away.
What kind of way is that
to treat our guests?
Our guests!
(yelling) Oh!
How do I look?
Hi, Abby.
(chuckles)
Uh, kids. Okay.
Come on.
Don't be scared.
Please remember
to sign the guest book.
Penny: It's nice.
Huh?
I am sorry, I borrowed some...
some clothes from your closet.
But it fits, no? It's good.
I am very excitement
for tonight.
Yes.
Um... Paul told me
you are in love.
(whispering)
I know this is not truth.
I know. But, you know,
as... as they say, um...
Uh...
Paul... Paul's elevator
does not reach the top floor.
(giggles) You know? Americans!
I've never heard
that expression before.
Hmm.
But is... is this...
this is why I like Paul.
You know? He entertains me.
Watching him is like
watching a good movie.
So, he tells me,
he is to marry Sofia.
But...
he needs my help.
(chuckles) I think,
"Oui, merci, s'il vous plat.
I would like to be
in this movie very much."
(chuckles)
Coo-coo.
This yours. Take it.
(chuckles)
It's nice, huh?
You know, you...
you have a wonderful, um...
skin and body. You have...
a great body.
Uh-huh.
Yes.
- Thanks.
- Penny: But...
uh, with honesty, I... I thought
you would be more beautiful.
Yes, is...
is a big disappointment for me.
All right. Well...
why don't you get my makeup?
Um-hmm.
Yeah, it's in my bathroom,
left of the sink.
Oh, um... and this...
will fix your face?
(imitating French accent)
Yes, it will fix my face.
Okay. (chuckles) Okay.
Ah-ah...
Sofia. (chuckles)
(Penny giggles)
Okay. Be back soon.
(footsteps departing)
(door opens and closes)
(door squeaks)
(tense music playing)
(approaching footsteps)
(door opens)
(door squeaks)
(grunts)
(body thuds)
(gasps)
- (guitar clatters)
- f*ck!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Uh... okay.
(Paul humming)
May I offer you
a glass of champagne?
I'm kidding.
Of course you can't drink.
(chuckles and snorts)
Evil, right?
You keep calling me.
I do.
Why?
Well, we wanted you
to be our flower girl.
JH picked out the dress.
(muffled thudding)
What's that?
Huh. Would you?
Leaky pipes, I guess.
(thudding continues)
Abby: Paul?
Whew. Yes, flower girl?
Is someone in the trunk?
man: Please help me.
I'm in here. Hello?
Yes, flower girl.
Can we let him out?
Well... we were supposed to
wait until later,
but, uh... sure, why not?
Get to it.
(claps and rub hands)
(man whimpering) Help me.
(trunk lid squeaks)
Pastor Lutzner.
Paul?
(groans)
(grunts)
(chuckles)
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Pastor Tim Lutzner
of the Cassowary Tabernacle.
Please help yourself to
champagne and first aid.
Abby: You put a priest
in a box?
No, I put a pastor in a box.
We're Protestant.
Wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up.
Hmm. Oh, thank god. Okay.
Hi.
Sorry I left you.
I'm sorry I hit you
in the face with a guitar.
(scoffs)
Was it on purpose?
No.
Guy thinks
he's marrying you tonight.
I know. He bought me
a wedding dress.
It's blue.
It's f*cked up.
I know.
(Penny grunts)
(Sofia screams)
Jesus.
(choking)
Let go, you crazy b*tch!
(grunts)
- (piano thuds)
- (tambourine rattles)
(panting)
(panting)
(coughs, wheezes)
(playing "It's All Coming Back
To Me" by Celine Dion)
(continues playing)
Duet, please.
What?
No.
Penny: Du...
...et.
(Penny chuckles softly)
(Penny plays "It's All Coming
Back To Me" by Celine Dion)
I didn't even write this song.
I know.
'Cause this song is good.
- Come on.
- All right. (clears throat)
("It's All Coming Back To Me"
by Celine Dion on piano)
Yeah. Yeah.
(singing beautifully)
There were nights
When the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window
There were days when
The sun was so cruel
All the tears
turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes
Were drying up forever
I finished crying
In the instant that you left
And I can't remember
Where or when or how
And I banished every memory
You and I had ever made...
(notes played on piano)
But when you touch me
Like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all
Coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe
That it's all
Coming back to me
(fire crackling)
(clock ticking)
There were moments of gold
And there were
Flashes of light
There were things
I'd never do again
But then they
Always seemed right
There were nights
Of endless pleasure
It was more than
Any laws allow...
Baby! Baby!
If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper
Like that...
- You are flat!
- (grunts)
Sofia: f*ck! What the f*ck
is wrong with you?!
- (Penny grunts)
- (glass shatters)
(both groaning)
Sofia: Stop!
- (Penny yells)
- (Sofia grunts)
(Penny laughs)
Oh! Oh, no. Are you okay?
(laughs maniacally)
(dramatic music playing)
(screams)
(dramatic music continues)
(Sofia yelps)
(Sofia strains)
(groaning)
(Penny screams)
(screams)
- (Sofia yells)
- (Penny screams)
(lighter clicks)
(dramatic music continues)
Do it!
Do it!
Sofia doesn't
light people on fire.
- (lighter clicks)
- (Penny growls)
(panting)
f*ck.
f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!
Come on. (panting)
(quietly) Okay. Okay. Okay.
(grunts)
(dramatic music resumes)
(coughing)
(Sofia grunting)
(sneezes)
God. Bless. You!
(Penny groans)
- (Sofia groans)
- (Penny grunts)
(yelling and screaming)
(panting)
(laughs)
Yes!
Come on! Light me on fire!
Come on, Sofia!
(laughs maniacally)
(screaming)
- (fire blazes)
- (Sofia panting)
(Penny continues screaming)
(Sofia whimpers)
(panting)
(coughs, pants)
Oh, f*ck.
(fire extinguisher clangs)
Wh... what could they
be doing up there?
(scoffs)
Pas... Pastor Lutzner,
do you have any... ?
- Lutzner: Paul?
- Yes?
What are you trying
to achieve here?
Just a partnership
based on mutual admiration
and respect.
Lutzner: It's not real.
You see that, don't you?
None of it is real.
Paul?
She's probably just
figuring out her dress.
Last-minute dress alterations.
Yeah, I'm sure it's just
last- minute kinks
with the dress, right?
Girls will be girls,
Pastor Lutzner.
You might not know about that,
but girls will be girls.
JH: Should... should I
go check on them?
No. No, no.
I'll go. I'll go. It's fine.
Saw a little girl here
when I snuck in.
Black girl. Ten or eleven.
Okay, okay. Um...
f*ck.
You stay here.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back. Okay.
(groans)
Honey?
Everything okay in here?
You re...
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
You're just the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
Why aren't you ready?
And where's Penny?
(sniffing)
(unsettling instrumental
music playing)
Is there something wrong
with the dress?
I'm...
I so... understand.
This is really scary.
But I adore you, Ladybug.
From your head
all the way down to your toes.
Sofia: Abby! Abby!
Hey!
You're supposed to be
getting ready.
Who are you?
How awesome is this, huh?
- (blade sings)
- Rajput warriors
are gifted this
on their wedding day.
It's sharp on both sides.
To protect you
from your enemies...
and your friends...
whoever came in the way
of your happiness.
But I won't let anyone...
come in the way
of our happiness.
Yo, what the f*ck
are you talking about?
I love you.
Are you okay?
You're okay.
Where's your dad?
(g*nsh*t)
(crickets chirping)
You dead?
("Lovefool" playing quietly
in distance over radio)
Kaylor: Hello?
Hello?
Are you okay?
(coughs)
Kaylor: Are you okay?
Taylor?
Kaylor.
What happened to your head?
(Bell sighs)
We should really
get you to a hospital.
I need a car.
(car horn chirps)
You have a Porsche?
It's so fast.
(tires screech)
Guess I'm walking.
(suspenseful synth
music playing)
"Welcome to
Paul and Sofia wedding."
Father Tim Lutzner. Tim.....
Lutzner. m*therf*cker!
- ("Sweet Baby Jesus"
by the Mondo Boys playing)
- Sweet baby Jesus
Won't you come
See me get married
To my love
Sweet baby Jesus
I see you watchin'
From above
Sweet baby Jesus...
Let's get all units to
Cassowary Tabernacle.
I hate the f*cking Hills.
... I see you watching
Sweet Jesus...
- (door closes)
- (music stops)
Okay. Everybody ready?
Great. Let's do it.
(exclaims excitedly)
Flower girl, you look great.
What are you doing?
What?
Please take a seat.
It's about to start.
Ma'am, today's not about you.
Thank you.
Shouldn't you be up there?
I don't know.
JH: Uh, Paul?
Paul: Uh, JH?
Ar... aren't you marrying Sofia?
Of course.
Uh, Sofia is...
JH...
you've been one hell
of a best man.
I got it from here.
Okay? Your job's done.
Flower girl, get back there,
please.
(claps)
Get some hustle. Hustle.
Okay, great.
Hit it, JH.
(radio clicks)
(romantic music plays
through stereo)
Throw the... throw the flowers.
(door opens)
(wedding march playing)
Dad!
(quietly) Don't upset him.
He gets violent
when he's confused.
I'm in a wedding dress, man.
I think he's pretty
f*cking confused.
(chuckles softly)
Thank you.
For your kindness
and graciousness.
I'll treat her right.
(whispering) And I'm sorry
my hands are so sweaty.
Hey, you mind
if I greet the guests?
Oh, of course. Just, um...
would you sit on my side?
It's empty.
(zipper unzips)
It's great to see you.
Thanks for coming.
Everything's gonna be okay.
The big one has a g*n.
I know. He shot me
in the head with it.
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today
to join Paul Duerson
and this...
person...
in holy matrimony.
- Uh, hey, Paul?
- (shushes)
Down, JH.
JH: That's not Sofia.
What are you talking about?
He's a man.
And he's Black.
And he don't look
nothing like her.
There's Sofia.
Don't listen to him.
Baby, it's me. I'm here.
I'm Sofia.
Pastor Lutzner...
you can continue.
If anyone present believes
these two persons should not
be joined in holy matrimony,
speak now or forever
hold their peace.
I do. I... I... object.
(tense music playing)
No. No. You don't have to.
And it's my fault
we're all here.
So, I should be the one
up there with you.
Not him, Paul.
You do look beautiful,
by the way.
Thank you.
You know, being with me is
not all it's cracked up to be.
But hey, you're the only person
who's ever wanted to marry me.
So f*ck it, let's do it.
Let's get married.
(upbeat music playing)
- Paul: Ma'am?
- Yeah?
I told you
to sit down and be quiet.
Today is not about you.
Please?
For the rest of us?
Thank you.
(Paul clears throat)
Paul: I'm so sorry.
You can skip ahead
to the good stuff. We're ready.
Lutzner: The good stuff?
Yeah. You know,
the kissing.
Lutzner: Um, all right.
Do you, Paul, take...
Your name?
(both) Sofia.
Lutzner: Do you, Paul,
take Sofia to be
your lawfully-wedded wife?
I do.
Lutzner: And do you, Sofia,
take Paul
to be your
lawfully-wedded husband?
I do. (clears throat)
Well... in the presence
of family and friends,
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Hey, shouldn't we do something?
Let him have it.
It's all he wanted.
Sweet baby Jesus
I'm alive
I'm awake
Dear Jesus above
I see you watchin'
I see you watchin'
Sweet Jesus
From a tower up above
Sweet baby Jesus
I'm alive
(song continues)
(tense music playing)
No!
(Rhodes gasps)
(Sofia breathing heavily)
(knife sings)
No!
(screams)
No!
(gurgling)
(dramatic instrumental
music playing)
Sofia...
(sniffles)
I'm sorry.
It's over, Paul.
I really love it
when you call me by name.
Are you okay?
Don't move!
- Bell: Let her go.
- JH: Hey, Paul.
I got myself
in a hostage situation.
Please let her go.
You! Dr... drop that knife.
Do it.
Just take it easy.
Now kick it over here.
Just... let her go
and you guys can leave, okay?
You don't need her.
JH: I might.
For... for leverage.
You don't want this
on your conscience.
I don't think
I got one of those.
Weddings are supposed to be fun!
(Rhodes screams)
- (slashing)
- (gurgling)
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ.
(JH thuds)
(panting)
I don't think
I meant to do that.
I don't think... I don't think
I meant to do that.
What the f*ck?
("Atlantis"
by Donovan rising)
...let us rejoice
and let us sing and dance
And ring in the new
Hail, Atlantis...
Way down below the ocean
Where I wanna be
She may be
Way down below the ocean
Where I wanna be
She may be
Way down below the ocean
Where I wanna be
She may be...
(instrumental break)
Way down below the ocean
Where I wanna be
She may be...
Way down below the ocean
- Where I wanna be
- She may be...
So, hotshot.
Should we give this thing a try?
It'll never work out.
Why not?
I'm a married man.
- (Sofia exclaims)
- (Rhodes winces)
I'm so sorry.
Bell: Hey, I want you to know
that you were right.
I can't be doing this anymore.
It's too dangerous.
You think?
(Bell chuckles)
What are you
going to do for work?
Something that gets me
home to you in one piece.
You mean something
that doesn't get you stabbed
or shot in the head?
Or me covered in blood?
Yeah.
Dad, this is
freaking disgusting.
(laughs)
(car engine revs)
You know, I've never been
in a limousine before.
Drop us off at the Hilton where
we have the penthouse suite.
And in the morning... Maui.
(sighs) What a night.
What a night.
("Lean Into Life"
by Petey playing)
One night
I had a thought
What if we ordered
Anything we want
We quit our jobs
We went outside
No one could tell us
How to live our lives
One night, I took a drug
I gave three hundred
Uninvited hugs
You went to bed
I hit the floor
I don't think that we should
Get together anymore
(instrumental break)
One night
Came and went
Spent lots of money,
It was money well spent
I took on some credit card,
Credit card debt
On a night that didn't
Mean nothing
A night I'll
probably forget
One night,
I had a feeling
Bust through a wall
Cut through the ceiling
27 Club and I'm still
f*cking breathing
I'm hyperventilating in
A building full of people
(instrumental break)
It's beginning
To feel like I've
Been training my whole life
For nothing
I've been meaning to
Tell you something
You gotta lean into life
Just a little
I think I'm breaking
My own heart
I think I'm making
My own self sick
At the thought
Of getting sick
I don't leave any more
Did I leave
My keys in the door?
It was so peaceful before
Come on buddy, you gotta
Lean into life a bit
You gotta callus up
Them hands
And get some dirt
Under them fingertips
I, ah, don't think it's skin
And papier-mch ornaments
Another Christmas Eve
And you're still bumming out
About the same sh*t
Come on my friend
yeah You're really
going through it
You got all this free time,
No f*cking idea
What to do with it
Sounds an awful lot to me
Like you like talking
About your bootstraps
Go to hell, I am the devil
Trying to claw
My way to heaven
(instrumental break)
I am regretful
We had our weekend
Filled with cocaine
And Essentia
It was fun and now
I can't really remember
And yeah we wonder why
We can't reach our potential
I am regretful
Yeah my head is in the gutter
Do we really need to sin
To love each other
Another psycho I'll get
f*cked up then recover
I just want to be
A better older brother
My head is in the gutter
It's beginning to
Feel like I've
Been training my whole life
For nothing
I've been meaning to
Tell you something
You gotta lean into life,
Just a little
I think I'm breaking
My own heart
I think I'm making
My own self sick
At the thought
Of getting sick
I don't leave any more
Did I leave my keys
In the door?
It was so peaceful before
(song fades)
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