01x02 - The Book of Reagan

[bunniefuu]

It's a wonder
we've come so far.

Now all that's left is to
traverse the wasteland.

Alas, this is as far as I go.

Yes, sorcerer.

I bequeath to you Gorlock.

He should be of service
on the journey ahead.

Don't worry, man. We got this!

I-I'm not worried about
it, Gorlock. Thank you.

Good luck, brave one.

And beware of the bog of Yarin.

I think I can handle a bog.

Whoa.

What do you think that
guy's doing out here?

Silence, Gorlock!

Well, I guess this is the
bog she was talking about.

Yeah, no sh*t, Gorlock.

Go test it out. Sir?

Do you want dinner
or not, Gorlock?

Sir, I'm sinking.

Sir!

I feel like a
teenager sneaking around in here.

Yeah, yeah.

Except teenagers don't
drink 50-year-old Chianti.

Cheers, mama.

What's the deal with
that beeping noise?

Ah, I forget.

When you've been practicing
as long as I have,

you learn to tune
certain things out...

Like your wife's
voice, for example?

Ha ha. Yeah, I wish.

M-M-Mark, can you come
take a look at this?

What is it, pumpkin?

Aah! Oh, dear Lord!

Where are we going?

Oh, we're going to
your meeting, bud.

My meeting?

Easy now, big guy.

You've
lost a lot of fluid.

There he is!

Looking good!

I don't feel good.

Jeff, we are very excited to be

sharing some news
with you today.

What happened?

How would you like to be

the next junior
Dreamspiration associate?

Wait...

What? Full disclosure...

We're gonna start
you off as an intern,

but if all goes well, and
I'm confident it will...

But wh... what happened to me?

Well...

you were in the tank...

I was in the tank?

You were in there for what?

Must've been a week or
so? That right, Dare?

Two. Um...

Months actually.

Until we hit that little, uh...

snag.

Snag?

You actually died, Jeff.

Briefly, briefly, Darren.

More of a technicality, really.

But we're not here
to talk about that.

Stop!

What happened?

Well, um, a lot of
things happened, Jeff.

A security guard was
brutally attacked...

uh, a very expensive
space hatch was broken.

That ringin' any bells?

Oh, uh...

Huh. N-No.

How about this?

Is this yours, Jeff?

Mmm. Hmm. Okay.

Well, we found it next to
your body out on the surface.

We were super worried
about you, bud.

I-I died.

And thank God you came
back to us swingin'.

You're a very strong person.

Did you know that
about yourself?

I was in a faraway land,

there was a sorcerer, I had a...

faithful companion,
Gorlock, who I hated.

Jeff, my lacrosse
coach used to say,

"You've got to take
every shot you get."

Thing is, he wasn't
talkin' about lacrosse.

I-I... I just need to go back
to sleep.

Jeff? Hey, Jeff?

If he starts vomiting,
we'll call someone.

It's Hannah.

I can't pick up the phone.

My attention is fully
present elsewhere.

Allow me time, and I'll
respond with kindness.

Beep.

Hey. Wow.

I... Uh, it's good
to hear your voice

even if it just is a
recording, but, uh...

boy, a lot sure has
happened up here.

I-I just can't wait
to talk to you.

To see you! So,
uh, yeah, okay.

Call me. God, I
love you so much.

Knock-knock.

Whoa! Hey.

Whoa, whoa. I-I come in peace.

Jaxxxxxxtonnnnnnnnnnnn!

Ow. Wait. Hey, man.
What are you doing?

I-I work for Reagan.

I work for Reagan.
You work for Jax.

I'm Jax.

Jaxton Olivier.

Now whisk that.

And make sure it
doesn't drop below 75 C.

Thank you.

Her tea ceremony usually
lasts a half-hour.

That should be enough time to
start showing you the ropes.

Rope number one... lemon water.

Watch closely.

It's a deep, even extraction,

being careful to never,
ever perforate the rind.

Why is the ream
quality so important?

This piece of fruit
has the potential

to become the most refreshing
glass of lemon water

Reagan has ever tasted.

It's an opportunity.

Same as everything
else we do here.

But I think you
already know that.

I actually admire how
you worked the angles

with the whole Carol situation,

coming in here with
that poster of yours,

angling for that
poor woman's job.

You harness that same
fire working with me?

Next thing you know,
we're clinking glasses

with the top dogs
in Centauri House.

Centauri House?

Premium calfskin
leather upholstery,

old-growth rosewood paneling,

a veritable who's who of
Italian contemporary design...

It's where Mars. ly's
elite rub elbows.

And soon enough,
I'll be a member.

I'm not joking when I tell you

that I plan on running
this entire colony someday.

Why me? 'Cause why
not f*cking me?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hold that thought.
I actually...

I have to take this, so
pardon me for one second.

Jaaaaaaaxtoooooon!

Hey. Wow, God, it's
so good to see you.

Hey. Sorry I didn't
pick up before.

I was just right in
the middle of a hike.

Oh. Cool.

Yeah, I haven't been on one
of those in a while, right?

Ha ha.

Uh...

So, uh...

So?

Aren't you...

curious what's been going on...

you know, for the
last few months?

Mmm, you mean when my partner
of three years ghosted me?

Yeah, I'd say that piqued
my curiosity, Jeff.

I was worried sick!

Then Darren told me you were
in some kind of a spa. Like...

What? No, no, it was a tank.

It was a sleep tank.

But, listen, Hannah, I-I-I'm
just curious as to...

I really don't want to
fight right now, Jeff.

The other day, Dignity
kicked my Mediterranean bowl

and tahini exploded
all over my car,

even the seat belts.

Then I went straight
to yoga class,

and at the end, when
we did Shavasana,

I seriously just
cried the entire time.

It was so embarrassing.

I'm on a hamster wheel, Jeff.

I have all this...
unprocessed trauma.

A personal call on the first
morning of the first day

while learning the first rope?!

Uh, look, I-I'm sorry.

I just haven't talked to
my girlfriend for months,

and there's a lot going on.

I died, and her dogs kicked
over her tahini bowl.

Bro, you are out of control.

Neither of us chose it, but
you're my number-one soldier.

And we cannot have
tactical errors like this.

Got it. Loud and clear.

And here... You want
me to get going on

some more lemon
water? 'Cause...

I'm not sure what's going
on in that coconut of yours,

but you've got to
find some balance.

When's the last time
you saw the baby?

The baby? Uh...

you know, I've not had
the chance, but I...

I have... I've
heard good things.

Go, Jeff.

Get. Centered.

Go see that baby.

Martin? What are
you doing here?

What, you think I don't
appreciate the miracle of life?

No. I-I do.

You don't look too good, Jeff.

Oh, yeah. Well, I was, uh...

I was put into a tank.

And there was a snag
with it, and when...

You know, it doesn't matter.

The thing is, I'm fine now.

I-I'm better than
fine, actually.

I, uh... I got a job!

Uh, in Dreamspiration.

Graphic design?

Uh, not exactly, but I do
still get to flex a lot

of those same creative
muscles, so, in a way, yes.

Um, okay, lemme just...

Imagine the colony
is a canvas, okay?

And the Dreamspiration
department, it's a paintbrush.

If that makes any sense.
I know that sounds

a little... No, it doesn't.

They just changed the
name of Human Resources

to Dreamspiration.
Oh, Ted. Huh.

So, Martin, this is Ted.

Yeah. Jeff's our new intern.

Wait, I thought you
said you had a job.

Yeah, well, uh, an
internship is a job.

I-In a way, it's one
of the oldest jobs

there is, when you
really think about it

because the tradition
of apprenticeships...

Jeff, your eye is
bleeding. Oh, that, yeah.

Just a little
residual side effect.

But as I was saying, yeah,

to think back in
the time of castles,

you'd have a blacksmith,

and the only way to train
new blacksmiths was...

Shouldn't you be reaming
some fruit or something?

Jax actually told me to be here.

Jax told you to see the
baby during business hours?

Yeah, actually, and, uh...

I wasn't even
personally interested,

but Jax insisted be...

You didn't want to see the baby?

Uh... well, I...

You know... I-I...

Jeff, uh, I think you need
to get that eye checked.

I think I know my
own body, thank you.

Is that blood?
Sir, you're making

some of us here
feel very unsafe.

My supervisor told
me to be here!

You're making a scene.

I'm just trying to
see the baby, okay?!

Is there a problem here?

I'm just trying to see the baby!

Ah, I remember you.

Please, sir. This can't
get back to management.

I've had some professional
setbacks this year,

and this job, it's very,
very important to me.

Well, if it's so important,
why were you visiting

the baby during business hours?

My supervisor told me to go!

He forced me!

Hmm. Never heard
that one before.

Please, I-I don't know what
they're gonna do to me.

Last time they put me to sleep,

like you put an animal to
sleep. Like, dead, okay?

And it was very bad.

Very, very bad.

Uh, sorry, Charlie. Please!

My life's just beginning.

I've got this real great
job, and my girlfriend,

she's back on Earth, and, well,

you know, we're
gonna start a family.

One wife. Five kids.

And a wily brown
Lab for my sins.

Miss 'em every day.

But now I'm up
here.

You know what that's like.

I do.

You know what?

You seem like a good kid.

You got moxie.

Not to mention a k*ller left
hook with the mop handle.

Why don't you take a hike, kid?

Consider this a warning.
Th... Thank you, sir.

I really appreciate that.

Hey, actually, you think you
could give me a ride back to...

Hm. Looks like somebody's
been to see the baby.

Oh, yeah. The baby.

And? And...

well, I mean, the
headline is "wow."

What a baby.

You did see the baby,
didn't you, Jeff?

Yeah! Yes. A-Absolutely.

You're looking at a guy
who's been looking at a baby.

10 fingers, 10 toes.

Perfect 10.

Epic.

I know I gave you a
little heat yesterday,

but I'll be honest...

I like you, Jeff.
I like you a lot.

I... like you, too, Jax.

So you ready to go warp speed?

Become my real-deal,
true-blue, go-to guy?

Yes, I am.

f*ck yeah.

That's ready for milk.

So obviously, Nordstrom's
doesn't ship to Mars.

Delete.

College alumni group.

Parasites. Delete.

Here's one that
requires an explanation.

Reagan, and by proxy, myself,
were corresponding with a man

claiming to be Steve Case,
the founder of America Online.

Now, over time we learned
this isn't the Steve Case.

It's a guy pretending to be him.

Yep. Okay.

He was extremely
persuasive, Jeff.

Anybody can get catfished.

They have office towers
in Calcutta full of people

pretending to be Steve Case.

Yeah, no. I-I-I get it.

The rest of these
can be answered

with a few simple emojis...

Winky face with the tongue out,

margarita glass, prayer hands.

Uh-oh.

An e-mail from Eilish.

Her daughter. Oof.

And it's a doozy.

Follow me.

If I instill one
thing in you, Jeff,

it's that we must soothe
Reagan by any means necessary.

If we let an e-mail from
her daughter bring her down,

we could lose an entire
week of productivity.

7:30 on the dot.

Like clockwork.

That's how our
go-getter goes and gets.

Easy, now...

We'll start with
a little extra O2.

Then hit her with
the good stuff.

It's like jazz.

You listen to jazz, right, Jeff?

I-I have, yeah.

Yeah, you have.

f*cking fireheart.

Uh-oh.

We got a bogie in
the elevator bank.

Reagan!

The bioengineering department
can only take so much

of your weaselly bureaucratting
before we blow our corks!

Hubert!

You. Look. Great.

I do not!

Ugh, it's gonna take a lot
more than a blast of nitrous

to mop up this sh*t storm.

Whoa, Jax. Wait,
what are you doing?

That's what happens to people
who f*ck with my peeps.

You ever read "The
Art of w*r," Jeff?

You gotta understand this place
in terms of a battleground.

No matter how quiet and
peaceful it might seem,

there's always a w*r being
fought beneath the surface.

And every victorious soldier
has one thing in common...

An edge.

sh*t, if things
really went south?

I got enough plutonium
to bring this whole place

down around us like

Yep, I've
seen a lot of sh*t.

And you better believe
I keep the receipts.

Ah. You got it all
in the necklace, huh?

You got a keen
eye, m*therf*cker.

It's weird. I-I thought he
was just a jacked-up juice head,

but now I realize there's kinda
something special about him.

The two of us, I mean, we're
like a couple of jazz musicians.

Riffing together, just
perfectly in tandem.

Every move we make, we're
in sync together, y'know?

Career-wise, I guess it's a
little bit of a lateral move,

maybe even backwards a bit...

but there really is an
honor in giving yourself

over completely to the
service of someone else.

f*cking get it, bro.

I mean, us two
together combined?

We're greater than the
sum of our parts alone.

And more importantly,

it's just nice not to
be such a solo act.

Especially with some of
these long-haul symptoms

I'm experiencing, like
the reduced bone density.

Anyways, it's going off up here.

I can't wait for you to get
up here and just rock with us.

Well, it's great
you have a friend.

I know that's a really
tricky area for you.

And I'm glad things are going
okay with the internship.

I guess it's better
than nothing.

Ha. Oh, sh**t. I
actually gotta go.

Me and Jax are
going to the sauna.

Oh...

Cool.

Yeah, it's supposed
to be really good.

Healthy. Okay, well...

miss you.

Yeah, I miss you, too.

Bro. I just had
a f*ck' vision.

This time next year,
me, you, Centauri House.

Nice.

Don't let anyone tell you
it's about the journey.

It's about the destination.

f*ck, man. And tonight's
Cigar Night, too.

Cigar Night?

Once a month, Tee and his boyz
open up the Mars. ly humidor,

and sh*t gets
f*cking ca-ray-zey!

"Tee." I-I don't
think I know Tee.

Bro. The CEO's son?

Used to be a DJ.

Ah, okay.

Yeah. Hm.

In Europe.

Whoa. That's right.

The whole package.

Record deal. Exclusive events.

Then he got the call.

Executive Creative Director.

On-planet. Pfft.

I can't believe you
don't know this stuff.

For one night, the whole
world disappears in smoke,

and it's just you

and the most elite f*ck'
power brokers on Mars.

No accountants, no
administrators, no interns.

Uh...

Ah, I'm sorry, bro.

You know I didn't
mean... No, no.

I... I-It's okay.

I... It's... It's fine.

Listen, it's just
a matter of time.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
The big wheel's turning.

Wh... What is it?

So Reagan's birthday's tomorrow.

She likes her celebrations
either so small

no one notices or so extravagant

it's the only thing
anyone can notice.

O-Okay.

I was gonna get her
a Black Forest cake,

keep it sweet and
discreet. But...

with an extra set of hands...

maybe we could take it to the
next level, twin-cobra-style.

And when she's all
lit up, smiling,

and people are clapping,

I'll point to you and say,
"See that kid over there?

That's Jeff.

Jeff made this.

And Jeff is ready
to go full time."

What do you say, fireheart?

You in?

In.

Okay, we've got six hours to
pull this rabbit out of a hat.

I'm gonna run interference,

surprise her with the
spa day of her dreams.

She's gonna be thoroughly
plumped, oiled,

hot-stoned, and rubbed.

Then she's gonna come floating

through those
doors and... boom!

Ground zero for the
best birthday spread

a girl could ever vision board.

"Sweets,
cakes, pastries."

Hi. Uh, I'm here to pick up a
Black Forest cake for Reagan.

I'm sorry.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Okay, well, can you check?

My colleague Jaxton Olivier,

he placed the order
a few days ago.

All I got's what you see here.

Plus maybe some
leftover rum ba*ls

from the Midsummer festival.

Okay, we got Bossy Blue...

Dank Queen...

Gardena...

Scrumptious...

Scrumptious. Scrumptious.

Hey, Martin, you
got any balloons

back there by any chance?

Silver and gold, if you got 'em.

I got...

gold and... platinum.

Is that gonna work?

Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.

Thanks, man.

Here's some f*cking
gloves, you freak.

You blow them up.

You can make some little
chickens or something.

Ow! Give me that.

Last, but not
least, fresh flowers.

Just talk to my man
Di Wei at the farm.

He knows what Reagan likes.

Hey, uh...

Sorry. I'm looking
for some flowers?

Um, just maybe...
I-I don't know.

What's a good birthday flower?

A good birthday flower? Hmm.

Let me think of a
pretty, pretty flower.

This is a working farm,
not a f*cking flower patch!

Please. I need
something. Just anything.

Whatever you got.

And, hey, I'm a
friend of Jaxton.

Jaxton, huh?

Oh, no...

No, no.

No, it's all...

This is all wrong.

This is f*cked!

I'm f*cked!

I love it.

It's so random.

I totally get it.

Jeff?

Reagan, say hello to
the wily sonofab*tch

behind this masterpiece.

Yep. He's been
working real hard.

Putting himself to the test.

Ain't that right, fireheart?

I-I don't know. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah! f*cking
fireheart!

C'mon. Ah, there he is!

Now, I don't want to
speak out of turn here,

but I think it might be time
for Jeff to go full time.

What do you say, boss?

What do I say?

Who gives a sh*t?

Yeah, sure. It makes
absolutely no difference to me.

Welcome to the team, f*ck.

How does it feel?

Pretty good.

Looks good on you.

You know, moments like this
don't come around too often.

You gotta enjoy it!

Breathe it in.

What is that?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

♪ Happy birth... ♪

Noooooo!