04x02 - You Hurled Me Into the Very Heart of the Seas

[bunniefuu]

[TV STATIC DRONES]

[BRIGHT TONE]

[UPBEAT GOSPEL MUSIC PLAYING]

Here we go, now.

Gemstone roll call.

I say, Jesse, where you at?

♪ ♪

Come on, Judy-Leigh, get on out here.

♪ ♪

Whoo!

All right, Kelvin, are you still here?

Yes.

Oh, yeah!

Ha.

[LAUGHS]

♪ Hey, everybody, good God Almighty ♪

♪ It's my favorite time of the year ♪

The Aimee-Leigh Birthday
Celebration Give-A-Thon, y'all.

♪ I'm so happy everybody was here ♪

Raising money, lifting spirits.

♪ Celebration ♪

My cup spilleth over, now.

♪ Celebratin' ♪

♪ My mama's birthday, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Celebration ♪

Happy birthday, sister.

Oh, Jesus Christ, can you hear us?

Thank you for coming out
to the Aimee-Leigh Gemstone

birthday telethon.

Well, you know we couldn't leave ya

without one more little ditty.

Let's send them home.

Look out, now.

♪ ♪

♪ Rising up ♪

♪ Rising up ♪

♪ Higher and higher ♪

Higher, higher!

♪ Into the heavenly sky ♪

sh*t.

f*ck!

Oh, God damn it.

[JET PACK WHIRRING] Oh, sh*t!

Jesus Christ!

[THUDS, GROANS]

- Oh, f*ck! Oh.
- Cut!

Cut! Cut, God damn it!

Oh, God.

This is the cl*max
to the whole telethon.

- I feel unsafe, dude.
- We can't be messing up...

- Oh, sh*t!
- Like this on live TV!

- Turn it off!
- Get it off me!

- My jet pack is hissing.
- Get it off me!

Whoa!

Ah!

- [SCREAMS]
- No!

Get off!

Oh, f*ck me! No, no, no, no!

- [CLATTERING]
- Whoa!

[SCREAMING]

[THUDS]

- Oh, no.
- The f*cking thing is...

- it's speeding up!
- [GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

- Jesus Christ! Turn it off!
- Oh, God!

f*ck my handsome white a*s.

♪ Praise ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Praise ♪

Y'all better learn them jet packs.

Y'all looking like a
bunch of rank amateurs.

We are amateurs, as*h*le.

We ain't never done no
damn jet packs before.

Jet packs are for
authentic G.I. Joe bois.

These f*cking fairy wings,
they get caught on everything.

I hate this costume. It sucks.

Fairy wings?

Is that what these are?

No, they ain't fairy wings.

They angel wings, dummy.

Well, whoever wings they
are, I'm not doing this sh*t.

The hell you ain't.

Y'all wearin' them jet packs.

Hang on. Take it off.

Now, where the hell is Eli?

We can't have no birthday
celebration telethon

without Eli around.

Daddy's done checked out these days.

He don't show up for sh*t no more.

Well, that's disrespect to my sister.

I mean, the only reason
we doing this whole thing

is to honor her.

And Eli can't be bothered?

He's just a little ol' fat
little pig is what he is.

- Dang, Uncle Baby Billy!
- Oh, God! Jeez!

Oh, put some damn drawers on.

No, y'all need to see this.

Behold. Look at this.

That's my privates right there.

- [GROANING]
- God damn it.

This is what a f*cking man looks like.

This is how I roll,

ba*ls out and claws out.

You are literally
swinging your d*ck around.

People in this family need to recognize

which side of the
bread's got butter on it.

- Oh, God dang.
- Oh, God damn it!

Now, I'm the one who
booked all these people

to come and celebrate Aimee-Leigh,

a damn star-studded event.

Now, if Eli is a no-show,

this whole telethon
ain't gonna feel legit.

Now, what you need to
do is to call your daddy

and get his a*s to come.

When we call our
daddy, he don't pick up.

Yeah, we ain't talked
to that fool in weeks.

Yeah, we think he's going through, like,

a midlife thing or something.

Midlife?

That m*therf*cker's older than me.

He ain't halfway through nothing.

- OK.
- Bottom of the ninth, two out.

Midlife.

He wishes he was midlife.

[SNORTS]

f*ck Eli Gemstone.

[BOAT HORN BLARES]

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

[JOSEPH STEPHENS' "MANSCAPING"]

♪ ♪

[YAWNS]

[BONES CRACKING]

♪ ♪

Good morning.

I made you some eggs.

Ah, hot damn.

Just thought I'd get you on
your way with some sunny sides.

I think there's a hair
in my eggs, Captain.

I'd like to return these to the kitchen

and get that thick
breakfast sausage instead.

Rise and shine.

[LAUGHTER]

Well, I'm out of shine, I think.

I'm definitely out of rise.

Why you getting all cold fish on me?

You married or something?

Oh, I ain't married.

I just... I thought we
should talk about some things.

Uh-oh.

We have fun.

- I like hanging out with you.
- [SIGHS]

I'm just... it seems like
you're wanting more,

like spending the night and such.

I just ain't there.

And you figured all this out
right after we finally f*cked?

We 69'd for 40 minutes straight.

I had a nice time last night.

I hope you did too.

I'm just not ready to
be serious with anyone.

I'm just trying to have some fun.

If you don't like me, you can just say.

I don't like you.

I'm sorry.

[JOHNNY THUNDER'S "I'M ALIVE"]

♪ ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ And I see things mighty clear today ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ And I'm breathin'
clean, fresh air today ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ Yes, I am ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

- Come on!
- ♪ I'm a man ♪

Whoo! Come on!

♪ Who cares if my hair's
a little bit long ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Ow ♪

♪ But now I'm alive ♪

♪ I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive ♪

[LAUGHS]

♪ I'm alive ♪

Oh, man.

♪ I'm alive, hey ♪

♪ And I'm breathing ♪

f*ck.

[DRAMATIC YODELING]

♪ ♪

Not exactly the same as
the compound, but it's cozy.

Damn, Daddy, you out here
getting drunk on the sea?

I enjoy a margarita or two.

It's part of the lifestyle out here.

Lifestyle?

Really?

OK, maybe Daddy needs a time-out.

Yeah, and a g*dd*mn men's haircut.

That might be nice.

Ew! Is that a woman's bra?

- Oh!
- That's for t*ts.

Are you dating?

Is this proof of your sex, Daddy?

It's not what you think it is.

I use it for fishing, for bait.

Oh, thank God.

I was thinking like, oh, maybe Daddy

found some saggy-titted
sea hag to replace Mama.

About to flip my sh*t over here.

Look, I was fixin' to start crying.

Look at my eyes.

Could you even imagine if
Daddy met someone new?

[LAUGHS] Yucky ducks! Ew.

That'd be the f*cking worst. [LAUGHS]

Luckily all of Daddy's loin
desires have disappeared.

Daddy's nuts done dried.

All your d*ck juices are gone

'cause Mama's got 'em
in a jar up in heaven.

OK.

What can I do for you kids?

Ain't nobody heard whether
you were coming back

for Mama's birthday
celebration telethon.

I was just curious if maybe
your RSVP is floating around

in some bottle out here.

Yeah, well, I'm, uh, not gonna make it.

What?

Why come?

It's for Mama, Daddy.

Yeah, that's your dead
wife, remember, dude?

Of course.

I just... I... I'm out here...

I'm trying to wrestle with things.

I'm trying to figure out what I need.

Look at this m*therf*cker here.

This dude's down here wasting
away in Margaritaville.

Thinking he's f*cking Robinson Crusoe,

like you f*cking Tom Hanks
from that one motion picture.

"Philadelphia."

No, not the A*DS
one, the by-hisself one.

No, the, uh...

dang, I just had it.

The by-hisself one.

What is the f*cking Tom
Hanks-by-hisself one?

- "Cast Away."
- "Cast Away."

Bingo.

That's what you doing, Daddy.

You out here actin' like

you in that g*dd*mn motion picture.

I'm not gonna make the telethon.

I'm sorry.

I just... my head's
not in the right place.

All right, well, if you
don't love Mama no more

and you just want to sit out here

and float around smelling like
fish p*ssy all day, go ahead.

Yeah, boy, smell like minge
for the rest of yo' days.

Minge?

p*ssy, Daddy.

Ah, Kelvin, don't you
say that word, please.

We growns, Daddy.

We can say whatever the hell we want to.

We can say "p*ssy" on a loop


And if Daddy ain't gonna
come to Mama's birthday,

he finna get hit with that "p*ssy" loop.

Yep.

Wait, what are we doing?

Daddy, we're gonna
give you to the count of 3

to tell us you coming back.



Call it off.



I'm not coming.

Then let the "pussies"
begin. [FINGERS SNAP]

- p*ssy.
- p*ssy, p*ssy, p*ssy.

p*ssy, p*ssy, p*ssy,
p*ssy, p*ssy, p*ssy, p*ssy.

- [BABBLING]
- p*ssy, p*ssy, p*ssy, p*ssy!

ALL: p*ssy! p*ssy! p*ssy!
p*ssy! p*ssy! p*ssy!

Fine, I'm coming!
I'm coming! I'm coming!

- Just stop saying p*ssy!
- [CHEERING]

- Yeah, we got him!
- Yeah!

"p*ssy" loop the loop.

Oh, my God.

[79.5'S "B.D.F.Q."]

♪ b*tch, don't f*cking quit ♪

♪ Don't f*cking quit ♪

♪ You got it, b*tch, you got it, b*tch ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ b*tch, don't f*cking quit ♪

♪ Don't f*cking quit ♪

♪ You got it, b*tch, you got it, b*tch ♪

♪ ♪

- [APPLAUSE]
- Yes!

Great job!

Nice job, BJ.

Thanks, Tanya.

- I appreciate your guidance.
- Of course.

Whoo, God dang, Beej. [LAUGHS]

Watching you work that
pole's got me slick, boy.

'Bout to start finger
dancin' on my snapdragz.

Talkin' bout clitty cat.

[LAUGHS]

I'll see you next class, BJ.

OK.

Yeah, walk that tight a*s away.

Go sit on a hot car hood, you c**t.

Jeez Louise.

Are you OK, Jude?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just, like, looking
around at all these fit slits

and I'm feeling like, what the f*ck?

Why do you need hobbies and sh*t?

Don't I give you a good life?

Of course you do, Judy.

But a man can have hobbies.

The physical rigor and
slightly taboo nature of pole

has engaged the healthy obsessive in me.

I want to get good at this.

It's all about core body strength,

not peeping tight asses.

Come on. Come on.

So you must be super
stoked you got Daddy

to come back for the telethon.

- Props on that.
- Yeah, thanks, dude.

I was, like, right on the
verge of estranging his flat a*s

if he was gonna say no.

I even wrote a "f*ck you" note.

Cut out letters from magazines,
smeared some dog sh*t on it

with a dollar store spatula

just in case he chose not to come.

But now he's back.

And he's here for Mama's memory.

And he's worrying about what matters,

and that's me, Jesse, and Kelvin.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Prism ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Prism ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Livin' loud and proud!

Welcome to Prism, y'all,

where we look at the Bible...

In a different light.

- ♪ Prism ♪
- [FINGERS SNAP]

♪ Where diversity sparkles ♪

Maybe the Bible of ancient times

doesn't work for us anymore.

As modern young adults,

we see the world different than older,

lamer generations.

We're more open,
understanding, and accepting.

And let's face it,

some of the stuff in the Bible is not.

Let's get rid of that yucky stuff

and focus on the good stuff.

Let's rock the system, y'all.

[IMITATES ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFF]

It's time to do things our way.

Open your Kelvin
Gemstone edition Bibles.

'Cause it's Prism time, y'all.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

We are living the dream, Keefe.

Do not wake me up.

For the first time in my life,

I've found my people at Prism.

I'm being myself and
worshipped well for it.

I worship you, brother.

Never did I ever dream
that we would have

all that we have right now.

The acceptance, the success of Prism...

I, too, am the happiest
I've ever been right now.

Plus, for once in my
life, I have something

I can throw in Jesse and Judy's faces,

something that's actually making money.

This pink money's bountiful too, boy.

[CHUCKLES] Spends just as good as green.

[LAUGHS] It's our world now, Keefe.

We do what we want.

Yeah. Yeah, we do.

Maybe we could even be a
little more open for everyone.

Set an example for our Prism discipes

by maybe kissing more
in public or, I don't know,

getting married?

Whoa.

Coming in hot today, Keefe.

Don't be crazy, buddy.

Part of the reason
Prism is so profitable

is, me and you keep
it right down the mids.

We're like Siegfried and Roy.

The white tiger men?

Mm-hmm.

That's us.

Their show was always packed.

And sure, yes, everyone
knew, in the privacy

of their animal-print mansion,

they were licking each other's wieners

just like me and you do.

But Roy and Sigs, they
didn't make a thing of it.

Think about it.

If they were to play a quick round

of put in the pipe with each
other in front of the audience

before they made that
tiger jump through the fire,

would the entire audience
stick around for the show?

Would they tell their friends
they gotta go to Vegas,

check out Siegfried and Roy?

The answer is n-no?

There he is.

There's my mans.

Uh-oh. [SMOOCHES]

Look who it is.

Kelvin, I don't have time
for the kissy monster.

- I'm gon' get you.
- Oh, no.

I'm gon' get you!

Oh, no.

[ROARS]

[SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]

Sick of people giving you weird looks

when you pray into the public?

Tired of waiting for your wife

to finish shopping at the local mall?

- [SCOFFS]
- [CHUCKLES]

Take the stress away
by checking into one

of our luxury Prayer Pods.

With Prayer Pods, the Gemstones are

bringing you their love and
message everywhere you are.

For a small fee, you can
gain access to your very own

private Prayer Pod.

Once inside, you'll have
access to exclusive sermons,

quick prayers, and sneak peeks of some

of the exciting new content
coming from Gemstone Studios.

Whoa, Dad, looks like
something from the future.

[LAUGHS]

That's because it is
from the future, son.

Prayer Pods are the future of worship.

A tiny little, eensy,
teensy, weensy bit of Christ

when you need him the most.

Amen.

There's room for all.

Cozy.

♪ ♪

Pontius, come in.

Pontius, get in here right now. Come in.

Get in here.

Sit on my lap.

Sit on my knee.

♪ ♪

[BELL RINGS]

Jesus Christ!

Ugh, God damn it!

It smells like Pontius sh*t
his damn pants in there.

f*cking farted on your knee, dude.

[COUGHS]

I still haven't seen any
Prayer Pods in the wild yet.

Yeah, they're definitely launching

a little slower than anticipated.

You know, we're just trying
to find the right location

that gets the kind of foot
traffic we're looking for.

Airports are being a little bit weird

because they're owned
federally, apparently.

- [CHUCKLES]
- You know, this kind of thing

just takes a little bit of time.

I am so proud of you.

And I think it's brilliant.

My first church invention.

Why did we have to be in this?

'Cause what else you
got going on, Pontius?

Your dumb a*s failed out of the Citadel.

Now you gotta do
whatever your parents want.

To transform into a lame
church dork like Gideon?

- No, thanks.
- Thank you, Pont.

- I appreciate that.
- Getting kicked out of school,

- now, that's what's lame.
- Bingo.

Citadel was stricter on me
because of my family name.

It's the only reason I got expelled.

It wasn't 'cause you
were making viral videos

with your buddies of
sticking firecrackers

up each other's assholes and filming it?

Pontius, baby, I do need you to know

that you can really hurt your privates

doing things like that.

Believe me, everything down
there is working just fine.

Ugh, revolting.

We sent our damn boy to military school

to whip him into shape.

He came back worse,

and now he knows how to k*ll people.

It is a good skill to
have if you're judicious.

Maybe we could encourage Pontius

to make better decisions going forward

if we were more supportive.

Yeah.

Support me.

I am supporting you, by
letting your a*s stay at home.

That's a lot more than
my daddy would do for me.

But Eli did let you move back home

when you got kicked out of school.

Apples and oranges.

Sounds like the exact same thing.

Well, my daddy doesn't support me now,

so, face, shut the f*ck up.

What are you talking about, Dad?

Granddad has always
been pretty supportive.

Are you kidding me?

I literally had to go down to Florida

and drag his long-haired a*s back here

to come celebrate my mama's birthday.

I think dwelling on Grandma
just makes him sad is all.

Why are you getting his side?

I'm sitting here just trying
to, like, rail on my old man.

And you're sitting here
like, oh, he's sad about this,

he's sad about that.

Be straight with me, Gideon.

Is he your mentor figure?

You can tell me if he is. Just tell me.

Is he your mentor figure or not?

I mean, we talk sometimes.

He gives me advice and stuff.

He calls you?

He doesn't call me.

Well, it goes both ways. I call him too.

You call him?

Call me, bro. I'm here, all right?

- I can mentor figure.
- [SCOFFS]

Denied.

I think Dad's butthurt.

Abraham, no sodomy jokes.

It's honestly just really
normal Granddad stuff.

But if that makes him a mentor
figure, then yeah, I guess.

Knew it.

So funny.

[LAUGHS] You know what?

Go be butt buddies with your granddaddy.

See if I care.

I'll tell you this.

There ain't a damn person in this world

that thinks that Daddy's
cool anymore except for you.

So think about that.

Hey, baby, butt buddies is... is sodomy.

I didn't mean it like that, all right?

I'm not trying to say he's trying

to f*ck my daddy in the a*s.

I just mean that they're,
like, connected together

all the time, and it's annoying.

Come on, Jesse.

Just like your brother
and sister, stabilize!

Shut the f*ck up!

What the hell do you
think I'm trying to do?

God damn it.

He wants you to be like us.

Yeah, Jesse, stabilize.

Down there f*cking saying sh*t.

Stabilize, stabilize.



Just focus on your own stabilizations.

As you can see, business as usual.

- You look like an idiot.
- You look like an idiot.

Martin, until today, I never
thought I'd outlive my kids.

[LAUGHS]

[HORN HONKING]

[CHEERING] Yeah!

Hey, hey! Look who I got here!

Whoo!

Look who I got with me right here!

Look at y'all, flying
around like spacemen!

Ahh!

Lori Milsap, we're flying!

Whoo.

Hey, get these things off of us

so we can go do hugs with Mama's bestie.

Come on down. Bring 'em down.

- Hold on.
- Come down.

Let me just get mine figured out.

- Hold on.
- Be careful.

Oh, sh*t, mine's doing weird stuff.

- Stick the landing.
- Oh, sh*t!

- Whoa!
- Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup!

Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup!

Oh, God damn it!

- Oh, f*ck!
- Is he all right?

- 'Sup?
- Let's get it off him.

- [LAUGHS]
- Whoo!

- Come on, y'all, I need a hug.
- Look at her.

I missed y'all little c*ck.

- Miss Lori!
- Miss Lori!

[LAUGHTER] Miss Lori!

Eh?

Is Willie Nelson here?

Who's that long-haired
hippie over there?

- [LAUGHS]
- Oh!

Even Miss Lori's making
fun of Daddy's dumb hair.

Good to see you, Lori.

Are you kidding me? Give me a hug.

- OK.
- Hug her, Eli.

Don't be no android.

Look how awkward Daddy's being, huh?

[LAUGHS] Bashful Daddy.

Look at his cheeks, dude.

See how the pink's coming up in them?

- Yeah, right here.
- Would you stop being weird?

We're just doing teases. Dang.

Glad you made it, Miss Lori.

You think I would miss this?

Come here, Marty.

Aw.

Always a true friend
to Aimee-Leigh, Lori.

I bet you could never dream of
skipping out on this tribute,

unlike old Eli over there.

Miss Lori, we basically
had to drag Daddy's a*s

from the floor of the ocean.

Yeah, now he's come back like
a damn domesticated savage,

all confused about how
the modern world works.

I'm here, ain't I?

You damn well better be.

'Cause we pulling out
all the stops, sweetheart.

Y'all keep rehearsing.

I got a "Bible Bonkers"
taping I got to be at.

They can't start the
show without no star, now.

I'm a big-time TV mogul
now, Lori, the biggest.

Don't be jealous, Eli.

Jealous of what?

That I'm Tyler Perry and you ain't.

You're more like Luke Perry: dead.

Hey, I got to go now.

[HORN HONKS]

Hold on.

God damn, y'all.

Move out the way!

It really has been too long, y'all.

I mean, sh*t, I gotta get
my sh*t together over here.

Daddy, you can happy cry as well.

Miss Lori's back.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Whoo!
- Yes! Yes! Yes!

- Lori! [CLAPPING]

Yes! Lori's here!

- Yes, yes, yes!
- Yes!

- Miss Lori.
- She's here.

I love you.

Oh, you know, I've just
been kicking around.

JESSE: What the hell do
you think I'm trying to do?

- You know. [CHUCKLES]
- JESSE: Stupid damn jet pack!

Did some dinner theater
up in Pigeon Forge

- and sh*t like that.
- JESSE: Whoo!

- [LAUGHS]
- Gotta share your gift.

- Well...
- Are you happy?

JUDY: Whoo!

- Oh, man, hell no. [LAUGHS]

- KELVIN: Whoo!
- JESSE: Mine's busted.

I mean, it's been a
rough couple of years.

Yeah, the last 1,000
miles or so on my odometer

haven't been particularly
kind to me either.

At least you still got your hair.

[LAUGHING] Yeah. Yeah.

JESSE: I don't want to be by your side.

Trying to do it on my
own. Shut the f*ck up.

Hey, why'd your kids
have to beg you to do this?

- JUDY: I'll do it.
- JESSE: Shut up!

I guess a man can't
float in his own boat

in the Florida Keys
using a different name

without being a deadbeat.

JESSE: Damn this thing.

Well, I'm impressed.

- [LAUGHS]
- sh**t.

JESSE: Why is this
moving? sh*t. Mine's broken.

I miss her, Eli.

Yeah, we all do.

You know, I do talk to her sometimes.

- Me too.
- Mm. I bet.

[SIGHS] Oh, Aimee-Leigh, you big dummy,

leaving us here.

- I mean...
- JESSE: Shut up!

As much as I love her, you gotta admit,

that was just plain rude.

- [CHORTLES]
- [LAUGHS]

- Oh, God. Yeah.
- Whoo!

Well, maybe someday
we'll get to tell her

just how damn rude she was.

[LAUGHTER]

[DEKI ALEM'S "LEAVE ME ALONE"]

♪ Leave me the f*ck alone ♪

♪ I'll eat your heart,
limbs, head, and bones ♪

♪ Don't leave a message at the tone ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la-la,
la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪

♪ Leave me the f*ck alone ♪

♪ I'll eat your heart,
limbs, head, and bones ♪

♪ Don't leave a message at the tone ♪

♪ Leave me the f*ck alone ♪

Hey, Pont!

Pontius!

- [OVER EARBUDS]
- ♪ Please don't make me ♪

Come on, man, service is about to start.

- Let's go. Come on.
- [LAUGHS]

And watch you flounder?

I'll pass.

I'm not gonna flounder, so...

- We'll see about that.
- That's not...

I'm not gonna flounder.

And Jesus said...

"I am He."

And, uh, all the soldiers
in the land fell on...

[CLEARS THROAT] Sorry.

So they were... all
the soldiers fell down.

Uh...

basically, yeah, so
the soldiers fell down.

Dude is good at everything,

but he f*cking sucks at preaching.

How? How is that possible?

And that's all part of God's plan

- was why.
- [SNORING]

That's the reason how... how come.

There was more slides,
but I think we got it.

Man, I am not great at sermons, huh?

Yeah, you're not.

[CHUCKLES]

My advice to you would be less monotone.

Stop pretending like you're on NPR.

Maybe don't f*ck with them PowerPoints

and computer screens quite so much.

Maybe even pop a beta
blocker or something.

Wednesday's sermon
is mostly an older crowd.

You'll figure it out.

Keep it simple.

Yeah.

OK, that's kind of vague, LOL.

[LAUGHS] Thanks for
nothing, Granddad. Am I right?

No, I think it's good.

I appreciate the advice.

- Pkew.
- Whew!

[LAUGHS]

It's not... not funny.

Are you pretending that his
fist got hurt when you guys...

no, I don't get it.

I'm sorry.

[DYNAMIC MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

♪ Happy birthday, Aimee-Leigh ♪

♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ Reflecting our
devotion in your memory ♪

♪ So come and celebrate ♪

Happy birthday, Aimee-Leigh!

- ♪ And please donate ♪
- ♪ Please donate ♪

♪ To the Aimee-Leigh
Celebration Give-A-Thon ♪

Please welcome the Gemstone family

with Eli Gemstone himself.

Hey!

Yes, it's us!

Mama's birthday, everybody!

- Whoo!
- Oh!

Yay, Mama!

Thank you so much.

I... I... I debated coming here tonight.

I'm retired now, and I try
to stay out of the limelight.

But the kids talked me into it.

- Aw.
- They said it was important.

- And for once, they were right.
- [LAUGHS]

- Aw, Daddy.
- For once.

- For once.
- For once.

That's right, we were.

And Lord knows I'm the busiest
bee in the Gemstone family.

But even I knew this was
an event not to be missed.

OK, Kelvin.

Kelvin's not the only
busy bee in this family.

I do inventions now, uh, Prayer Pods.

I... I do inventions. So I was busy too.

And I also wanted to come
celebrate my dead mom.

- You've heard of 'em?
- OK. Amen, Jesse.

[CHUCKLES] Everybody's happy for you.

We're all here to celebrate
our dead mom, blah, blah, blah.

Daddy, is there anything
else you want to talk about?

'Cause I'm ready to
get to my favorite part,

which is the singing.

[PEOPLE CHEER]

Aimee-Leigh loved you.

- Aw.
- I know 'cause I can...

I can feel that love here.

Even though she's gone,
I can feel it right now.

Because I see it in you.

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Let's raise some money tonight for Mama!

- Whoo!
- Yes!

[PHONES RINGING, INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Good, good, OK.

And was there a certain
number that you were...

If you want to really
show love to the church,

let's go with the double birthday play.

- What's your routing number?
- Tell me your first name.

- Your routing number.
- Keegan.

Keegan, we are so glad that you called.

♪ Time moves so slowly ♪

♪ Since you took your love away ♪

♪ But I won't be lonely ♪

♪ 'Cause love will come
back here one day ♪

♪ When we were young,
but we're now much older ♪

♪ There was a song ♪

♪ And we knew it by heart ♪

♪ It was sung at the top of our lungs ♪

♪ Why can't we sing it tonight ♪

♪ Love isn't always on time ♪

[SOFT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[MUFFLED UPBEAT GOSPEL MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Hey, everybody, good God Almighty ♪

♪ It's my favorite time of the year ♪

The Aimee-Leigh Birthday Celebration

Give-A-Thon, y'all.

♪ I'm so happy everybody was here ♪

Raising money, lifting spirits.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, impress me.

Ah!

[LAUGHING] No way.

Can't pass up a sweet.

Well, you always did have a big mouth.

Made a lot of money with it, though.

Made a lot of friends too.

Mm.

Thanks so much for coming, Lori.

Aimee-Leigh really
would have appreciated it.

Are you kidding me?

I was thrilled to be included.

Boy, hmm, anything for you, Eli,

and those crazy old kids of yours.

[LAUGHS]

[SOFT MUSIC]

It's been too long.

It just goes sliding on by so fast.

Except for you haven't aged a day.

Time surely has been kind to you.

[CHUCKLES]

Dang, you hittin' on me?

Of course not.

That'd be... that'd be, uh,
crossing a line, wouldn't it?

♪ ♪

Sure is good to see you.

It's really good to see you too, Lori.

- Thanks again for coming.
- Oh.

Put her there, champ.

Yeah, well, that is very
formal, Dr. Gemstone.

That is just like my lawyer.

- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, my. [LAUGHS]

♪ ♪

[RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Get on the phone, people.

Credit cards, cash, Venmo,
Zelle... we take everything.

If the line's busy, call back.

Somebody's gonna pick up!

And it might just be God!

[JET PACKS WHIRRING]

♪ ♪

♪ Rising up ♪

♪ Rising up ♪

♪ Higher and higher ♪

♪ Into the heavenly sky ♪

♪ ♪

Hey.

Hey.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[PET SHOP BOYS' "IT'S A SIN"]

♪ When I look back upon my life ♪

♪ It's always with a sense of shame ♪

♪ I've always been the one to blame ♪

♪ ♪

Yes.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, I can't... oh, my God.

God damn it.

f*ck me.

My bad. Sorry.

♪ Has one thing in common too ♪

♪ ♪

Lori!

♪ Everything I've ever done ♪

♪ Everything I ever do ♪

♪ Every place I've ever been ♪

♪ Everywhere I'm going to ♪

♪ It's a sin ♪

♪ Father, forgive me ♪

♪ I tried not to do it ♪

♪ Turned over a new leaf ♪

Yes. Yes.

They're loving it.

- Let's go higher.
- No.

Jesse, the f*ck are you thinkin'?

Yeah, Jesse, this is high enough.

♪ 'Cause I didn't care ♪

Then let me rise.

♪ And I still don't understand ♪

♪ It's a ♪

♪ It's a, it's a ♪

♪ It's a sin ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It's a sin ♪

♪ ♪

Jesse, come down here.

♪ Everything I've ever done ♪

♪ Everything I ever do ♪

♪ Every place I've ever been ♪

♪ Everywhere I'm going to ♪

♪ It's a sin ♪

Jesse, you're a f*cking idiot!

♪ ♪

He's so dumb.

♪ ♪

♪ It's a ♪

♪ It's a, it's a ♪

♪ It's a sin ♪

[CHOIR VOCALIZING]

♪ ♪

[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[BRIGHT TONE]