I feel fine when I'm with you
I can let my hair down
I can say anything crazy
And know it gets me right
before I hit the ground
With nothing but a T-shirt on
I never felt so beautiful
Baby, as I do now
Now that I'm with you
With you, with you,
with you
-Oh, uh, wait, wait.
-What?
I just wasn't totally ready
for my underwear
to come off yet,
but that's fine.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Do you have a condom?
Uh, do we have to?
Well, have you had sex
with anyone else
in the last few weeks?
Weeks? Uh, yeah, obviously.
Well then, yeah, we...
We have to.
I can't stay hard
with a condom on.
Don't you want me to f*ck you?
I mean, not without a condom.
(EXHALES)
JAKE: Okay.
MACKENZIE: Okay.
(CAR BEEPS IN BACKGROUND)
-(YAWNS)
-How'd you sleep?
-Um, don't interrupt.
-What?
JAKE: Um,
I need to complete this yawn,
and every time
you make a sound,
I have to start over.
So just, uh, you know,
don't move or talk, okay?
Okay.
(YAWNS)
-It's... It's contagious.
-It's just interrupting.
MACKENZIE: Sorry.
I hear you doing it.
I'm not doing it.
(YAWNS)
Okay, I don't care.
Um. Yeah, what are you, uh,
what are you up to today?
You working?
No, um, I actually,
I got a lot of studying done
this week,
so yeah, I'm free.
What are you doing?
Might get breakfast
with the guys.
Cool.
Love the guys.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
Aw, I wasn't kicking you out.
And you could have stayed
for like 15 more minutes?
(PHONE BUZZES)
(PHONE RINGS)
Hi.
Did you just leave?
No, five minutes away.
You're so full of sh*t.
You've never been five minutes
away in your whole life.
Do you hear me?
If you were five minutes away,
you'd be up here.
This is five minutes away.
You're giving 17, okay?
You're giving me Blair Witch
f*cking Cloverfield energy.
I have to go.
It is dangerous
for a woman to walk
-while being on the phone.
-It is not.
It is safer with me,
with my voice, on the phone.
You hear me?
Stay away from her!
f*ck!
Oh, I forgot to get her
something.
What did you get her?
Can we... Can we split it?
What? No. I got her a cupcake.
Good idea.
-(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
-If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away
I mean, that's a lot
of friends that you have.
Happy birthday.
So busy out there
I um, I...
I got you an ice cream cake.
ALLY: An ice cream cake?
Lucas, Lucas, she got me
an ice cream cake.
That is so n...
You know me so well.
I was really hoping I could
sh*t my pants tonight,
and now, with your help,
I think I can finally do it.
So thank you.
You don't have to eat it.
It can just be like for vibes.
No, I... I get it.
It's like, what do you even get
your lactose intolerant friend
who's also struggled
with an eating disorder
her entire life?
Sorry.
ALLY: Like, who am I?
Marie Antoinette?
LUCAS: Pretty sure
Marie Antoinette
wasn't a total b*tch.
Has Evan still not responded?
Have you ever seen something
more humiliating
in your entire life?
No, seriously, be honest.
LUCAS: Well, actually,
yesterday I double-checked
my dating apps
to make sure
they weren't paused
because I haven't had a match
in three months.
So, yeah.
Well, he actually was
in my dream, though.
Like, I know that's something
people say as an excuse
to text someone,
but he actually was in it.
So if anything, it would be
weird like not to tell him.
Better to regret than to wonder.
ALLY: Well, no,
'cause the problem is
now I can't invite him
to my party,
and he's not not the reason
I decided to throw one
in the first place.
Jake once went nine months
without ever texting me at all
and now I get a meme,
like once a week.
Yeah, you and your sociopathic
f*ck buddy
aren't really like goals.
Well, I just... I kind of think
that's the closest thing
you can get
to a real relationship now.
ALLY: No one is supposed to know
this many opportunities exist
for them.
He's supposed
to know three women
and then choose me.
So your ideal dating scenario
is like
Little House on the Prairie.
Yeah, or like
the distant future
where everyone else
is dead.
You know,
in the apocalyptic future,
they won't have Matcha.
Probably.
Will you survive
without Matcha?
No, Ally, you do not
have to do this.
No, no, no, no, no.
Do not move it to your mouth.
No, no, no.
Give that to me.
k*ll me instead.
-I'll take the f*cking
b*llet for you.
-ALLY: Oh, no.
I got it. I got the g*n.
Everyone back the f*ck up.
Okay?
The g*n is now a cat.
ALLY: Do we even
want to go to this anymore?
Your birthday party?
There's nothing there for me.
LUCAS: It'll be fun.
And if not, I'm sure you'll
get a great story out of it.
Conversational or Instagram?
Conversational.
I bet if we go through
your phone,
we can find you someone else
to hook up with tonight.
Or we could do an activity
that would have you guys
pass the Bechdel test.
You know, the guy
Cooper actually liked
my photo yesterday
after not engaging with
my profile for like a year.
(CLAPS) Perfect.
LUCAS:
I gotta make a toast.
I always do.
To Ally.
Just another year older.
Always beautiful.
To the infinite wisdom you
bestow upon us.
Whether it's the benefits
of ingesting hyaluronic acid
or the merits
of applying it topically.
RACHEL: Ally!
My friend is at the door.
Can you help her get in?
They shouldn't have a problem.
Just tell them to say my name.
The bouncer said
they're at capacity.
At capacity.
-Bet you didn't see
that coming.
-I did.
So smart telling me to invite
every guy in my DMs.
-Did I say that?
-RACHEL: You know her.
She's really...
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
-FINN: Excuse me.
-Sorry.
-I'm s... I'm sorry.
-No, no. I'm so sorry. I...
You were just standing there.
I'm sorry I opened the door.
Opening a door
doesn't require an apology
either, so.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
You probably want
to use the restroom.
Oh, I do. Yeah.
-Yeah. Of course.
-Yeah.
-Sorry.
-(PEOPLE CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY)
-(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
-Yo, real quick
I've been going to the top
Yo, real quick,
I'mma switch it from the spot
Yo, real quick it
I'mma cop it while it's hot
Yo, real quick
real, real real
Hit it real quick
-Are you bored?
-No. Why?
Well, you're on your phone
at a party.
Right. Well, I didn't want
to seem creepy,
you know, standing here
just staring at people.
So I'm on my phone
for the benefit
of others, really.
Did you think I looked creepy
standing alone,
not looking at my phone?
No. I thought
you looked cool
and mysterious.
Only I look creepy.
Well, for the record, I...
I felt really weird.
Hence me
forcing you to talk to me.
Well, I'm glad
we can make each other
feel less socially inept.
Yeah. It's good.
It's a good thing.
Uh, I'm Finn, by the way.
-Mackenzie. (CHUCKLES)
-FINN: Lovely to meet you.
MACKENZIE:
How do you know Ally?
FINN: I... I don't.
My friend Alex texted
the person in his contacts
who does the most cocaine,
and that's where he was going,
-and...
-Oh, okay.
-FINN: Yeah.
-Oh, wow.
Look at this beautiful baby
right here.
FINN: This is Harrison.
This is Alex.
These idiots are my friends.
Hi.
FINN: These fellows are,
for the lack of
a better word,
-on the prowl.
-Sorry about that.
-Yeah.
-They don't...
-My girlfriend died,
but I'm over it.
-Oh.
HARRISON: Should we
get some drinks?
-FINN: Mmm-hmm. Yes.
-Yes?
-Thank you.
-HARRISON: Sorry.
-I swear to God,
I'm here for moral support.
-Mmm-hmm.
FINN: Yeah,
I don't usually go out
unless I absolutely have to.
Why would you?
I mean, the...
The cons so outweigh the pros.
The only pro is that you could
actually meet somebody.
Yeah, and of course
the worst-case scenario
is you could die.
-ALLY: Mackenzie.
-That...
Sorry. Uh, I'm gonna...
Who the...is that?
I have been stuck outside
the entire night
helping people get
their friends in
and guess who's in line.
I give up.
Evan. With a girl.
-Um, hello?
-Oh, sorry.
What happened?
Tell me again.
ALLY: Can we please sit?
-My feet
are f*cking k*lling me.
-Okay.
(SIGHS)
-What are you doing?
-Oh my God.
-What's happening?
-My foot's asleep.
Oh, okay, what do you
want me to do about it?
No, no, please help me.
-What do you...
What do I do? Okay.
-Just like shake it.
Like, do something.
Like, please, like...
Okay, I got it, I got it,
I got it.
-Please.
-How's that? Is that good?
-More. It really hurts.
-Okay, okay.
-All right, all right.
-I really, really hate it.
-Is that good?
-More, more, more.
WOMAN 1:
Is she jerking
that guy off?
LUCAS: Oh, God.
ALLY: It really, really hurts.
-I got you. I got you.
-Evan's here.
Evan just walked in.
(BLOWS RASPBERRIES)
I swear that girl he was with,
has gone on with every single
one of my Hinge matches.
How do you know that?
Every guy I've hooked up with
in the last two years
follows her on Instagram.
It's not a coincidence.
-We're on the same
dating algorithm.
-She's really pretty,
so maybe
it's the hot girl algorithm.
Mmm. She is really pretty.
Thank you for that.
She's also so young that
her baby photos
were taken on
a third-generation iPhone.
Thank God, I got scared
it was a voice note again.
Found him.
FINN ON VIDEO:
And how has the latest
listeria outbreak affected you?
I no longer feel safe
ordering a Chagacchino.
I don't...
I don't get the joke.
I don't think it's a sketch.
I think he's a journalist.
What? Let me see.
Wow.
He is a journalist.
So cool that you get like
a real life meet-cute
at a party filled
with my reply guys
and my only option tonight
is like to f*ck Lucas.
I consent.
Jake texted you.
I guess he's like
obsessed with me.
Is that how he talks to you?
Yeah, I mean it's,
you know, it's like our joke.
SPORTS COMMENTATOR:
The average 35 points
per game last year,
six assists
and 10 rebounds.
Look out for him tonight.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Too cute, too stylish
But I look like, turn the...
MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER:
That's what I'm trying
to explain to you, bro.
To maximize your potential,
you've gotta hustle, grind...
Could I have a little more
water, please?
Yeah, sure.
(TAP RUNNING)
-JAKE: Here you go.
-Thanks.
(JAKE SIGHS)
I'm gonna sleep
so good tonight.
Um, do you think maybe
we could talk a little first?
Uh, okay. About what?
MACKENZIE: I don't know.
I just... I feel like
we've been doing this
for almost two years
and I barely know you at all.
Yeah, sure.
Um, what do you want to know?
Well, what do you want to do
after you graduate?
Pass the bar.
O... Obviously, yeah.
What do you want to do
after that?
Become the president.
(LAUGHS)
I'm sorry.
That's... That's amazing.
I'm sure you will,
I'm sure you will.
I'm just so tired.
MACKENZIE: Yeah, yeah,
we can just go to sleep.
(CLICKS)
He didn't offer you
a sweatshirt?
That's far too intimate
for him.
You look cute,
like an off-duty model.
Hmm, more like
an off-duty rat.
No, thank you, period.
Thank you, period.
I did not know people
still used these things.
Well, my bank account
is in a pretty scary place,
so I'm charging these,
for some extra cash.
This is a job?
I thought it was a YouTube
thing like parkour, stealing.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, so funny, Ally.
You know what?
Why don't you go ahead
and get f*cked, okay?
Because some people actually
have to work to live.
Could you imagine that?
-There's one.
-(SCREECHES)
Lucas! What the f*ck?
Sorry.
(CARS BEEPING IN BACKGROUND)
(WHIRRING)
ALLY: You know,
I'm a full-time student,
just like Mackenzie.
You never give her sh*t.
LUCAS:
Well, the difference is
that Mackenzie goes to
law school to become a lawyer,
and you are getting an MFA
in fine art
to manipulate your parents
into paying your rent.
Well, you're a Philistine.
-Wow.
-That's not even true.
My parents only pay
for my food.
Mmm-hmm.
I heard you on the phone
with your dad the other day,
telling him that Venmo
is a cafe.
That true?
That's what I thought.
Hmm.
Kenz, did you enjoy your night
with the human vape pen?
You know,
they give us their crumbs
and we cherish them
-as though they were caviar.
-ALLY: Yeah. We sure do.
I really think you need to
message the hot journalist.
No, that is so cringe.
I would never do that.
-ALLY: Oh, you would
never do that?
-No.
ALLY: Well, you told me
to do it yesterday.
Where should we go
for breakfast, guys?
I have to go to the library.
Even though it's my birthday?
It's not anymore.
Oh, so I don't get
a full weekend.
Okay. Got it.
Cool.
LUCAS:
Birthday's a day.
One day.
(CHUCKLES)
(SCOFFS)
(CHUCKLES)
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
This does not count as
us watching a movie together.
Just want to be clear
about that.
f*ck.
-LUCAS: Your tapping
is distracting.
-(GASPS)
-No!
-Yeah, send it.
You guys even know
what's happening?
Uh, he's a schizophrenic
and it's been an illusion
the whole time.
Yeah, and the friend is
actually working for the cops.
We're watching
Still Alice, so...
But why?
You know, everyone hates the
texting stage, but I love it.
Feeling like every thought
that comes into your head
is worthy of sharing.
Mmm. I'll probably never
see him again, though.
You know, he might be one
of those serial texters
for all we know.
Hate those.
I only want to type that much
if I'm getting graded,
paid or f*cked for it.
Jesus.
(PHONE RINGING)
He's FaceTiming me?
You have to answer.
I can't talk to him
in real time.
He knows you're on your phone.
It's so f*cked
when people do this.
People should not
be allowed to do this.
I agree.
You know, if you don't answer,
he's going to think
it's because you look bad.
But it is because I look bad.
I mean, who looks cute
often enough for
a cold FaceTime?
Ugh, God.
Hey.
FINN ON FACETIME:
Hey there.
Yeah. Not much. Not much.
Just...
(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry,
I'm... I'm bad at FaceTime.
FINN ON FACETIME:
You can't be bad at FaceTime.
No, you can, actually,
and I can already tell that
you're good at it, so.
FINN ON FACETIME:
How?
Uh, well, 'cause
you chose to do it, and...
And the way
you're holding the phone,
you're not afraid of like
what angle the camera
will catch you at.
Right, right, right, right.
Um, well, okay, I'll let you
off the hook soon.
I just need to know one thing.
What is your
favorite restaurant?
Restaurant dates
make me nervous.
FINN ON FACETIME:
Uh, why... Why is that?
Everyone can tell
you're on a first date
and they're trying to,
you know, interpret
how well it's going.
FINN ON FACETIME:
Yeah, sounds fun.
The ordering is embarrassing.
One of us could order
something in a certain way
and then the other one
could just lose attraction
immediately.
FINN ON FACETIME:
That is true. We don't want
that to happen.
Um, okay, okay.
Um, I can figure
something out.
I'll figure something out.
I don't love surprises.
FINN ON FACETIME:
Mmm-hmm. Let me guess.
They make you nervous?
-(FLUSHES)
-(LIGHTS MATCH)
(TAP RUNNING)
MACKENZIE: Okay,
I'm actually going now. Bye.
Love you. Have fun.
FITNESS SPEAKER ON TV:
I swear, guys, doing this
for 40 minutes a day
got my cheekbones to look
so lifted.
I promise your body will
know to stop sh1tting
once you leave.
You just have...
You just have to go.
I thought we said no dinner.
Well, it's not dinner
in public.
I don't get it.
Mr. Grantham.
Please, follow me.
You're kidding me.
I wanted to do something
special for you.
I promise you I'll do my best
to stay attracted to you
-while you order.
-Thank you.
(CHUCKLES)
And if anybody asks,
we're doing a special
in the restaurant.
(LAUGHS)
I'm sorry we're closed
for the night.
There's a table seated
right there.
Uh, it's a private event.
This is an event?
Should we just like
let them eat here,
because it's kind of garnering
more attention than just
regular eating in public.
No. f*ck 'em.
-It's for you.
-(LAUGHS)
FINN: He was so funny.
I mean, he would stay up
for hours, and hours,
and hours just telling stories.
No one could light up
a room like him.
How could you
possibly know that
Abraham Lincoln was funny?
FINN: I've read books on him.
Yeah, the fact that
you've read multiple books
on Abraham Lincoln
and I haven't read
a single book, period.
You must read law books.
Mmm. That's not really reading.
It's soullessly absorbing words.
Well, what kind of laws
that you want to practice?
-I'm mostly interested
in city politics.
-FINN: Mmm-hmm.
I don't know,
just working on something
for years,
and then seeing it
affected into law,
and getting to watch it all
play out in real life
weirdly excites me.
It's obviously extremely
boring and uninteresting
to talk about, not to mention
a completely unoriginal
career path, so.
Not to me.
You're the only person
under 30 I know that's not
trying to make a Forbes list.
Yeah, that's cause
I'm a mediocre person.
FINN: Mediocre people
don't know they're mediocre.
Seriously though, it's um...
I think it's really impressive
what you do.
What you do is
really impressive.
I could never do that.
Sure you could.
It's so easy.
Just ask me questions.
Okay. Let's see.
Okay.
What are your three
favorite animals and why?
Really? Okay.
Uh, first, I'd say
the red panda.
I did a story on them about
a year ago.
They're endangered
and they're so cute.
(CHUCKLES)
And, um,
second would probably
be a golden retriever.
They're smart. They're loyal.
Totally harmless creature.
Oh, and third?
Maybe a chimp.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
-'Cause they're almost human.
(MACKENZIE LAUGHS)
Well, the first represents
how the world sees you.
The second
is how you see yourself.
And the third is what you
actually are.
Almost human.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
-Wow, that's great.
-(BOTH LAUGH)
Uh, you're in a forest.
How do you feel?
I feel good.
I like the trees.
Uh, I brought you here
with me.
So that's nice.
Comforting.
-That's how you feel
about death.
-FINN: Mmm.
How do you like your coffee?
I don't really care
what it tastes like
as long as it's hot.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Oh, no. Is coffee sex?
-Yeah, it is.
Um, okay, last one.
-(CHUCKLES)
You get flowers
from the person
you want them from most.
What are the flowers?
Probably white roses.
Hmm. That's the kind
of relationship
you want to have.
I'd say white roses
are pretty traditional.
-What about you?
-I think I said daisies.
I don't really remember.
It was a long time ago.
This is my friend Ally's
first-date icebreaker.
And how do you take
your coffee?
Oh, yeah, I like it when
it keeps me up all night.
You know what I mean?
And I like to
switch it up a lot.
Drip, iced, lattes, you know,
a lot of cream.
Mmm-hmm, yeah.
(BOTH LAUGH)
-I'd take my coffee
that way, too.
-MACKENZIE: Uh-huh.
(BOTH LAUGH)
MACKENZIE: I have a soft spot
for the first table we ate at.
We were different people
then.
FINN: Yeah, I like where
we're at now.
It's the closest
I've got to sitting
next to you all night.
Oh, I forgot to take it off
when I shower
and it's not like
a real material.
Can I have it?
As collateral.
So you'll see me again.
You have no idea how crazy
it is to me that
you aren't 100% sure
I would see you again.
You're in complete control
of the situation.
I find that very hard
to believe.
It's true.
You'll have to prove it.
LUCAS: Ooh.
ALLY: So cute.
Yeah, fancy.
Did you get a booth?
He rented out
the whole restaurant.
Sorry what?
What did you do to this guy?
I don't... I don't know.
He's made me realize that
no one has ever actually
liked me before.
I, too, have come
to the same realization
about myself.
Well, that is so much. Why?
I told him that I was
embarrassed to be on
a first date in front of people.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Pick me.
MACKENZIE: What?
I said how quirky
and endearing of you.
Ally, why do you have that?
Oh, I didn't want to spend
the entire day like worrying
if I left it on at home.
Yeah. Seek help.
So did you guys f*ck or what?
-Ew, Lucas.
-Come on.
-Yeah, did you?
-MACKENZIE: No.
But we have been sending
the water drop emoji
back and forth,
so I think it's gonna happen
this weekend.
ALLY: Totally.
Wait, what does the water drop
emoji have to do with sex?
Lucas.
It means wet, dude.
f*ck.
How are you neither old
nor foreign?
It's bad. Really not good.
So when are you
seeing him again?
MACKENZIE: On Friday.
Look at this.
That's amazing.
Do you know where
he's gonna take you?
I don't know.
MACKENZIE:
I'm going with Hawaii.
FINN: Malaysia.
Hawaii. f*ck.
I have never been
so physically
comfortable in my life.
-I can't move.
-Mmm-mmm.
I refuse.
It would be so hard.
It would be like, like
getting out of a jacuzzi.
But the towels
are so far away.
They're just too far.
Mm.
Unfortunately, I need to pee.
-Okay.
-Give me an assist.
FINN: Three, two, one.
-(FINN GRUNTS)
-(LAUGHS)
MACKENZIE: Hi.
FINN: What?
Oh, what are you doing?
I'm protecting myself
from what could be
on your explore page.
-Oh yeah?
-Yeah.
Ooh, it could get bad.
I don't wanna see.
No, no.
-Winston Churchill facts?
-Mmm-hmm.
This is supposed to be insight
into your worst interests.
-It is my worst interests.
-No, that's not good enough.
-Look at mine.
-Mmm-hmm.
Plastic surgery
before and after pics,
'cause even my phone
knows I need it.
-Shut up.
-It's true.
Honestly, it sucks you have
to look at me so much.
Honestly, it sucks
that you don't get to
look at you.
Get out of here.
What was that?
I'm just pulling
all the bad thoughts
out of your head.
I got about 80%.
(CHUCKLES)
Still about 20 left,
but it's pretty good
for the first round.
No one's ever been
this sweet to me before.
FINN: Well, they're idiots.
Are you sure you're real
and not like a 2004
Matthew McConaughey simulation?
I've never felt this way
about somebody before.
And I've only had
one serious girlfriend
and she cheated on me.
-So, yeah.
-Hmm. Yeah, same here.
But he was really easy
to get over.
He once memorized the entire
Dark Knight opening monologue.
-That's lame.
-(CHUCKLES)
See, you get how hard it is
to trust people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was f*cked long before that,
though.
My mom left
when I was a little kid.
And I don't know, I guess
when your mom leaves,
you don't really expect
anybody to stay for you, so.
Sorry, I can't imagine
what that was like.
It's okay.
I didn't mean to trauma dump
on you or anything, I just...
No, it's okay.
I um...
I really like you a lot.
I really like you a lot, too.
You do?
Speaking of...
(SNIFFS)
You wanna open it?
Okay.
It's shiny now?
FINN: And gold.
And new.
And monogrammed.
MACKENZIE: Oh.
You know,
you don't have to do stuff
like this for me.
I know.
I want to.
And I got one for me, too.
-What?
-Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
-(GASPS)
-Check it out.
Oh, my gosh.
-I don't know what to say.
-Well, you don't have
to say anything.
I want yours.
-FINN: You want mine?
-MACKENZIE: You can wear mine.
FINN: That's cute.
I want yours.
-Thank you.
-Mmm.
PROFESSOR 1:
Because A and B together
could transfer a fee simple
within their own lifetimes
plus 21 years.
Oh, my time is up.
Remember, my office hours are
extended this week.
And judging by today's
performance,
I suggest many of you
take advantage.
Okay, thank you.
(STUDENTS CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY)
Two left in a coma.
One left confused.
The manhunt continues after
hijacking suspects sped away.
That's all
we have for tonight.
Please stay tuned.
Melissa Grayheart's
coming up next.
I love you, Mackenzie.
(GASPS)
MAN: What the f*ck?
-Well, it sounds like love
is in the air.
They're dying and it was just
like, there's so many people.
And I freaked out in my car.
(WOMAN CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
(MACKENZIE CHUCKLES)
Why do all hot guys
wrap towels around
their waist?
-You think I'm hot?
-You knew that already.
Don't you want your chest
to dry, too?
It's a form of expressing
masculinity.
Well, it's toxic.
You're gonna catch a cold.
Anything for you, baby.
(PHONE RINGS)
(BEEPS)
Sorry, baby.
I wasn't on my phone.
FINN ON FACETIME:
You viewed my story.
Oh, I was only on there
for like a minute
before I saw that you texted.
-Sorry.
-FINN ON FACETIME: Okay.
Well, hi, beautiful.
MACKENZIE ON FACETIME:
Hold on.
FINN ON FACETIME:
There she is.
(CHUCKLES)
MACKENZIE ON FACETIME:
I'm so sleepy.
I just wanted to call
and say goodnight.
So we're not gonna talk?
Uh, I wish, but I'm so tired.
Isn't it like 2:00 a.m. there?
Yeah, I stayed up all night
just to talk to you.
And I'm live at 6:00.
What? Why did you do that?
Because I can't sleep
without talking to you first.
Well, that's really sweet,
but just tell me next time,
so I'm not unknowingly
keeping you awake, okay?
So we're not gonna talk?
No, I will.
FINN ON FACETIME:
Remember when we used to
stay up all night FaceTiming?
What... What happened
to that?
Mmm, I think because
we've been dating
for a couple of months
and so we know each other
now.
I just miss you so much.
MACKENZIE ON FACETIME:
I miss you, too.
Mmm-mmm.
You know,
Mackenzie, I don't think
I could live without you.
MACKENZIE ON FACETIME:
Oh, I love you.
But you could live without me?
I didn't say that.
I mean, if I had to,
I'd find a way,
but I wouldn't be
happy about it.
FINN ON FACETIME:
Promise me you'll never
leave me.
I promise.
I love you forever.
Mackenzie!
What? What happened?
FINN ON FACETIME:
Can you say it back?
Oh, I love you forever.
PROFESSOR 1: From the most
to the least authoritative.
The first one being
the U.S. Constitution.
This is the supreme
law of the land,
the Supremacy Clause.
Even federal statute
can be challenged
as being unconstitutional
in this legislation.
For homework tonight,
I need you to all look
at the principal case
very carefully.
That means highlight
and take notes.
Pages S-51 through 87.
If you have any questions,
you know...
(DIALTONE RINGING)
Hello?
FINN ON PHONE:
Why didn't you answer
my calls?
I was in class.
What happened?
Why are you ignoring me?
I was in class.
What's going on?
You're freaking me out.
Why didn't you leave class
to answer?
I... I just... I didn't want
to miss anything.
FINN ON PHONE:
God forbid.
It's hard to believe you
couldn't even text me back.
I was just,
I was trying to focus.
What is going on?
I was trying to reach you
for an hour and a half.
Okay, well I'm
on the phone now.
Please tell me
what's happening.
I just wanted
to check in on you.
MACKENZIE ON PHONE:
You said there was
an emergency.
Yeah, when I couldn't reach
you for an hour and a half,
I was really worried.
Jesus, you scared me.
What could have happened?
You know I'm in school.
I don't know.
A f*cking sh**ting?
(LAUGHS)
FINN ON PHONE:
Why are you laughing?
I was scared.
You get anxious when a person
f*cking sneezes.
Okay. Sorry. I was busy.
FINN ON PHONE:
You were busy.
Doing what?
I mean I'm sure
they grant you some autonomy
during your little class.
Why are you being such a d*ck?
FINN ON PHONE:
Wow. I was f*cking joking.
What exactly is the joke?
The joke is I have
an extremely high pressure job
and I still manage to answer
every single one
of your calls and texts,
because you are my priority.
Finn, just because
I don't answer my phone
when I'm busy doesn't mean
you're not my priority.
You're on your phone 24/7.
And if you actually cared
about me, you would answer...
you would find a way
to answer a call or a text.
That's all I'm saying,
but instead I'm left
looking at 10 missed phone
calls like a f*cking idiot,
because you don't give
a sh*t about me!
I have to go. Okay?
I'll call you when I get home
and you've calmed down.
(PHONE RINGING)
MACKENZIE:
Oh my God.
Oh my God. f*cking stop.
Oh my God.
ALLY:
So they basically say that
men will get married
to whoever they're with
at the time
once they're ready
to settle down.
But women wait to find the one
they want to settle down with.
But anyone a guy is with,
when he's ready,
he'll just marry.
-MACKENZIE: Hi.
-Hey.
Ally is really good
at making drinks.
I taught myself last summer,
so I'd have something
going for me.
What are you doing here?
Oh. Uh, I mean,
you weren't answering,
so I just stopped by to see
if you were home
and Ally said
you were probably out
getting groceries.
Hey.
Um, I'm gonna change.
Will you come with me?
FINN: Yeah.
MACKENZIE: What are you...
What are you doing here?
Well, we needed to talk
and you didn't answer
my calls.
How could you not care enough
to even check in
to see how I was doing?
I told you I would call
you when I got home
and I just got home, so.
FINN: I mean,
you haven't even tried
to make me feel better.
I don't know what
I'm supposed to say.
I just wanted to call
and make sure you were safe
and tell you I love you.
Okay. I'm safe
and I love you, too.
Sure. (SCOFFS)
Doesn't sound like it.
(GRUNTS)
Finn, could we maybe
just finish this tomorrow?
It's been a really long day.
I'm tired.
-You're tired?
-Yeah.
FINN: I walked
all the way over here
and waited for you like a dog,
so that we wouldn't go
to sleep angry at each other.
Do you have no regard for
my feelings whatsoever?
Honestly, I kind of feel
like you don't really have
any regard for my feelings
or the fact that I didn't
invite you over.
Where are you going?
Finn!
You, no...
What... What are you doing?
Oh my God!
Why would you do that?
-FINN: Because
you don't love me.
-Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
MACKENZIE:
Finn! Oh my God!
FRIEND ON FACETIME:
What was that?
Ew, my roommate's
having like
disgusting loud sex
with her boyfriend.
Stop it.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
-You don't care about me.
-Yes, I do.
Can we please move on?
You're not being normal.
I'm not being normal, because
I'm trying to express to you
the ways in which you are
making me unhappy.
I think that
that's pretty normal.
-I make you unhappy?
-Yes, Mackenzie.
You make me want to
k*ll myself.
Jesus, what?
That is so extreme.
If I treated you
the way that you treat me,
you'd want to k*ll yourself too.
Trust me.
Will you please stop
saying stuff like that?
You're scaring me.
What a monster I am.
Taking you to
all these dinners,
inviting you to
all these parties
you'd never be invited to
in the first place,
flying you places.
My entire life revolves
around you, Mackenzie,
and you don't give a f*ck!
I... I never asked you
for anything.
FINN: Yeah, well,
you don't do sh*t for me.
I mean seriously,
name one thing
you've done for me.
I'm not gonna like
sit here and...
And list off things that
I've done.
I feel like
I'm a loving person.
(CHUCKLES)
Because you can't name one.
Because I'm confused.
(SOBS) I... I thought
we were like amazing.
Of course,
you feel like that,
because I treat you
really well.
I treat you like gold.
And you treat me like
a pile of sh*t.
f*ck this.
I'm walking into traffic.
Finn?
Finn!
Oh my God.
No one's like loved me.
-Finn! Oh my God.
-FINN: Just let me die.
-Oh my God.
-Let me die.
What?
FINN: What?
(FINN SIGHS AND SOBS)
-FINN: I can't do
anything right.
-Oh.
FINN: I am f*cking stupid!
-No, no...
-FINN: I can't do
anything right.
No, no, no, baby.
PROFESSOR 1:
Okay, we're gonna go over
the types of legislation now
in hierarchy, from the most
to least authoritative.
Okay, so the first one being
the U.S. Constitution.
The supreme law of the land.
It's a policy clause.
Even federal statutes
in this legislation
can be challenged as being
unconstitutional.
Okay, number two,
federal statutes.
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
I'm really sorry.
Third one is treaties.
A diplomatic instrument.
It's compact between nations.
It may have
incidental side effects
as federal legislation.
The fourth type of legislation
is state constitutions.
Here it's more likely
to deal with at length
in a very specific term.
Subjects like school
and police administration,
lotteries, state
and municipal budgeting,
tenure of civil service
employees, etc.
The Supreme Court of the U.S.
is not superior in authority
to state courts on questions
of local state law.
Number five.
State statutes.
The effectiveness of a state
statutory provision
may be challenged in court
that it violates
some prohibition
in the U.S. Constitution.
-Okay, and...
-(SHAKING)
-Ow.
-You're so sensitive.
How else do you expect
me to do this?
Slower and quieter, maybe?
(RATTLING)
Okay. That's okay.
Now you're just being rude.
What the f*ck?
Oh. Oh, this.
ALLY: Yeah.
LUCAS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I didn't even notice this.
ALLY: Wildly unnecessary.
I'm sorry, but he is
so f*cking corny.
It's a lot of flower water,
which gets very stinky.
In two days this will be just
stinky flower water.
Okay, Kenz,
can you do me a favor?
-What's up?
-Can you check
my close friends
and just tell me
if it's obvious
I'm posting on it
for my crush.
Lucas said I look desperate.
Very desperate.
I've never seen anyone use
that feature to pout before.
(TYPING)
ALLY: Are you kidding?
Lit doesn't count as a word.
This is everything that's
wrong with our culture.
-Literally always been a word.
-Babe, come on.
-LUCAS: Kenz?
-What?
LUCAS: You solving
a mystery over there,
or what's going on?
No, I'm just...
I'm just messaging Finn.
It's, um, it's easier
on my laptop
'cause then my thumbs
don't hurt.
Uh, what's going on?
Is everything okay?
MACKENZIE: It will be.
We got into our first fight
last night.
I think that
maybe I've been taking him
for granted a little bit
and he's feeling insecure.
LUCAS:
Does he feel insecure,
because you guys
are together all the time
and then when
you're not together
you're also still talking?
ALLY:
I get it.
I once got upset at Cody,
because he got up before me
on a Sunday morning
and then never came
back in to cuddle.
I just walked out and he was
sitting there on his phone.
Like, are you joking?
If you're not gonna
do therapy,
can you at least look
at the TikToks I send you?
Lit is a word, by the way.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
ALLY:
I hate myself.
You should.
You actually should.
I have to go.
-ALLY: What,
you just got here.
-Sorry.
f*ck! I mean, f*ck.
LUCAS:
Ooh, could you get me
some allergy meds?
(SIGHS)
"Lit isn't a word, babe."
Did you just lower
your own man voice
to imitate me?
(SIREN WAILING IN BACKGROUND)
I'm... I'm really sorry
that I made you feel that way.
I just don't want you
to do things
that are gonna make you
resent me.
You're making me feel
really bad.
MACKENZIE:
I'm not trying
to make you feel bad.
-I just...
-No, I know I thought we were
gonna forget about last night.
No, we are. It's just...
It's a little hard for me
to brush past you
saying I make you
want to k*ll yourself.
I don't know what got into me.
I think I was trying to
sabotage us.
Why?
Because sometimes I think
you're too good to be true
and I'm scared
you're gonna leave me.
(SIGHS)
I'm not going anywhere.
-You promise?
-Yes.
I think you're
the first person
-that's like ever seen me
like that.
-Really?
Yeah. I mean, I used to get
these panic attacks
when I was like 10.
Is that when your mom left?
FINN: It was more my dad.
He really struggled a lot
when my mom left.
And it sounds stupid.
It sounds really stupid.
I can't believe
I'm telling you this.
The first panic attack
happened
after I begged my dad
to let me have a sleepover
with my friends.
All the kids in my elementary
school class would have 'em.
Their moms would be there
setting it up.
After begging my dad
for a really long time,
he finally let me have one.
When they came over,
I had realized
that my dad forgot.
And there was nothing set up.
There was no food
and the house was dirty.
We all just sat there,
and within an hour,
they all called their moms
and asked them
to pick them up.
And so I just...
I had a panic attack.
Baby.
That's so sad.
You know how precious
you are to me.
You don't hate me, do you?
Of course not.
You know,
this is what love is.
You see someone through
their worst moments.
FINN: Can you do me a favor?
MACKENZIE: Anything.
Can you delete
our text messages?
Sure.
I'm just so embarrassed.
No, it's okay. Don't be.
You really still love me?
MACKENZIE: Yes.
You are the best boyfriend
in the whole world.
FINN: I love you forever.
I love you forever.
(LAUGHS)
First of all, you guys,
she likes karaoke.
So, like already
I'm superior.
Because I have
the self-awareness
to not sing in public.
-Sure.
-ALLY: No offense, Lucas.
LUCAS:
What's second of all?
Second of all,
is I did some light stalking.
Like she's never written
one of her own captions
in her entire life.
It's so obvious.
See this?
It's absolutely insane.
Every post has
a different personality.
I mean, she's outsourcing.
Like this has
a full writers' room.
Mmm-hmm.
LUCAS: Ooh, yes.
-Got the res for Saturday, so.
-ALLY: For where?
Chez Louis.
Ugh, I knew
you were gonna say that.
I hate when you pretend
you're in Paris.
It makes me so nauseous.
-What's Saturday?
-The reunion.
Oh, f*ck, that's right.
What reunion?
Some people from our college
dining club are in town.
You're not gonna flake,
are you?
No, of course not.
What's dining club?
You guys do dinners?
Yeah, and we talk
about things.
Oh, what kind of things?
World events,
life, thoughts,
religion, politics,
sports, sex.
So, so dinner.
-Yeah.
-(LAUGHS)
That's the most
pretentious sh*t
I've ever heard in my life.
-Wow.
-Wow.
No, it's not.
It's... It's not
pretentious, actually.
It's quite nuanced.
No, it's definitely
pretentious.
Thank you.
No. It sounds fun,
sounds fun.
Do you wanna come?
No, seriously.
Could he, you think?
Could he come to
our college club reunion?
I don't know if you would
enjoy yourself.
It's gonna be like a lot of
dumb reminiscing and...
LUCAS:
Yeah, it's fine.
It's not that fun.
It's like... Like...
I mean, it was really
hard to get a table,
but I'm sure I could ask
if we could have one more.
Might only need one chair
for the two of you.
You know? (CHUCKLES)
You guys, it's... It's fine.
Seriously,
you do your thing.
-Are you sure, baby?
-Yeah, I don't need
to be there.
I really don't.
Aren't you just
the sweetest thing in the world?
You're so sweet.
(FOLK ROCK MUSIC
PLAYING ON SPEAKERs)
What's this?
MACKENZIE:
What does it look like?
It's a sleepover.
Actually, if...
If I do say so myself, it's...
It's kind of
the perfect sleepover.
We've got snacks.
We've got video games.
We've got, oh,
it's a little off-brand,
-but we've got shrooms.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Listen, I know...
I know that sometimes
I can like
get in my own head
and it might seem like
I don't appreciate you
or I'm not grateful for you,
but I really am.
And... And I think about you
all the time.
And I've already cried twice
thinking about you
as a little boy
at that sleepover, so.
You're all I need.
Sorry if I ever made you
feel otherwise.
No, I'm sorry
it took me this long
to do something nice for you.
You're not gonna get rid
of me that easy, okay?
-You want to do shrooms?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
FINN: I know
you didn't know this
about me before,
'cause I don't like to
bring it up like early on.
-I don't like to show off.
-MACKENZIE: What?
FINN: But I'm the best
Pikachu in the world.
MACKENZIE: Oh, are you?
FINN: I'm the best in the world.
Like, actually, I'm the best
in the world.
(MACKENZIE LAUGHING)
FINN: Like, they call it
"edgeguarding".
I call it "hating".
I am the best.
I'm actually the best
Pikachu in the world.
Like, you can't
beat the graph.
You can't beat the grab.
No, I really can't, actually.
-You can't beat the grab.
-I'm sorry. It's like, it's...
It's not fair.
-Cheers.
-It's the most underrated
dessert, right?
By far.
-Tickle monster.
-No.
Get a little tickle, man.
You're so nasty, ugh.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Ugh, I feel so sick.
-Really?
I feel amazing.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
I really need
to brush my teeth,
but I'm too cozy to move.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, where are you going?
Oh, no, no, don't go.
(CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)
What the f*ck?
Anything for my princess.
(BRUSHING)
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(SLURPS AND SWISHES)
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Mmm-mmm.
-I have to get ready.
-Mmm-mmm.
I have to get ready,
I'm sorry.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Mmm-mmm.
-Yeah.
-Mmm-mmm.
It's time.
Mmm-mmm. Sorry.
-Let go.
-Mmm-mmm.
I'm gonna be late for dinner.
Oh, for the geniuses
who think they
invented dinner.
(CHUCKLES)
-Ah, yes, of course.
-Thank you.
Please, my lady.
I really wish we were spending
my last night together.
I know, I do too.
But you'll only be gone
for a week
and I will be back right
after dinner.
We'll only have an hour.
MACKENZIE:
We'll have all night, baby.
FINN: You're going to be
home at 10:00 and
in bed by 11:00.
Which is fine.
I just need to manage
my expectations.
I'm sorry, you're right.
I... I don't know what time
I'll be home,
but it won't be late
and we'll have the morning,
and the rest of our lives.
-(CHUCKLES)
-FINN: Fine.
MACKENZIE: I wish I could
stay home with you.
I don't really see them a lot,
and embarrassingly enough,
they were like
the only thing
that got me
through school, so.
You didn't like college?
Not really.
It was kind of a difficult
time for me.
-Why?
-MACKENZIE:
I had this professor
he would ask me to come
to his office all the time,
and then he started pouring me
drinks there,
and I mean,
it was very cliche
in a lot of ways,
but I just...
I never really thought
he would try anything.
I really looked up
to him and...
but he did...
He did try to
kiss me one day
and then I rejected him,
and I didn't feel unsafe,
you know?
But um, he just...
He got really hostile with me
in class after that,
so I went
and I told the counselor,
like you're supposed
to do on campus,
and before I knew it,
he was fired,
and somehow everyone knew
it was because of me.
FINN: What a piece of sh*t.
Yeah, it was just...
I don't know, it was shitty.
All the students really
loved him
and it felt like
it was all my fault.
I'm so sorry.
-It's okay. You're so sweet.
-No.
Listen, I'm just gonna go for
the minimum amount of time
and then I will run back
to cuddle and kiss.
Okay?
Just wait, one more thing.
-I have to tell you one
more thing.
-What?
I love you forever.
Animals sleep on the ground,
because they don't have
another option.
We want a comfortable place,
but we just assume they don't?
It's preposterous.
There should be animal beds
every few miles.
Actually, humans are supposed
to sleep on the floor.
We could just put a mattress
out in the woods.
It'll rot.
I think an animal's
more likely to choke on
a mattress spring
rather than sleep
on a mattress.
(SMACKS LIPS)
Yes, that will do.
No, Ally,
you would test the elements.
If you... if anyone actually
cared about animals,
they'd figure this out.
But no, of course not.
We have our top minds
creating AI code
that turns a photo of you
into a Renaissance painting.
(SCOFFS)
Like mine wasn't even good.
I think it's very sweet
that you want to make
beds for deer.
Yeah, 'cause
everything's perfect.
There's no more sexism,
racism, genocide.
All unhoused people are
taken care of.
And the last thing
to figure out
is a comfortable night's
sleep for a raccoon.
-Um, you can't smoke here.
-(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
LUCAS: Oh, I know,
it's just for the aesthetic.
Cigarettes are disgusting.
But it's very French.
ALLY: Oh, and explain
sanpaku to them.
FRIEND: So,
sanpaku is when you have,
you see the whites
of your eyes below.
I think like the hottest
have them.
I have that.
LUCAS: I don't have
sanpaku eyes.
But I do have a mild case of...
FRIEND: It's just,
you can't really see
right now.
Hey, hey, no phones.
You know the rules.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm just texting.
ALLY: I just feel like now
that I'm 26 I can't like cry
and have it feel like...
Sorry, okay. Thank you.
FRIEND: So I brought
Julie to my, you know,
my little thing that I do
every week.
She didn't speak.
She didn't mutter a word.
I was like,
"Why should I bring you here,
you're like a dead corpse?"
I'd rather not have friend...
I'd rather act like I didn't
have friends.
Silent but sweet,
like silent but sweet.
But like instead,
I bring Julie.
ALLY:
You get it, right?
I think it's just like,
I just think it's so obvious.
Like okay, so then you
have someone like...
Finn, what is going on?
I should be asking you that.
MACKENZIE ON PHONE:
Asking me what?
I'm at dinner and I look up
to see your friend
spying on me.
FINN ON PHONE:
Harrison's not spying on you.
He texted me a photo
about running into there.
Okay, well then,
why wouldn't he just
come up and say hi to me
like a normal person?
Because he's shy.
(SCOFFS)
And plus, if you weren't
doing anything wrong,
then what's wrong with him
taking a photo of you?
I really should not
have to explain why
that's bothersome.
Is Lucas there?
Why are you asking me that
like you didn't just see
a photo of us
at the same table?
Well, you're sitting
awfully close to him,
don't you think?
You mean next to him?
Yeah, yeah, Finn,
I'm sitting next to my friend
at a dinner table.
This is crazy.
FINN ON PHONE:
Don't call me crazy.
Don't even insinuate
that I am crazy,
because you have no idea
what goes on in my head.
Okay.
Okay, I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry.
I just find it disrespectful,
that's all.
You find what disrespectful?
FINN ON PHONE:
That you're so close to a guy
who's obviously
in love with you.
(CHUCKLES)
Lucas is not in love with me.
I see things
that you don't, okay?
Imagine how you would feel
if I left you alone
to go to dinner
with some girl you knew
was in love with me.
Yeah, that would be
really shitty,
but that's not
what's happening.
The only women that have
my number are women
that I work with,
'cause I changed it
when we met,
so that you would
never feel uncomfortable.
Like what have you
done for me?
(CHUCKLES) What?
FINN ON PHONE:
Yeah, but you don't even
post me anymore.
I barely post.
And I planned
a whole night for you
like two days ago.
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
The sleepover? Mackenzie,
that is embarrassing.
I'm an adult.
Okay, well, I'm sorry
I'm a normal person
and not a producer on
The Bachelor.
I can't.
I have to go, okay?
I have to go.
Are you seriously gonna hang up?
I'm not hanging up.
I'm telling you that
I'm leaving.
There's a difference, okay?
FINN ON PHONE:
Go. Have fun!
I'll be sitting here doing
nothing like always!
MACKENZIE ON PHONE:
Yeah, rest assured,
it will be nearly impossible
for me to have fun
after this conversation.
FINN ON PHONE:
Why are you being
so mean to me?
I don't get it!
I'm so nice to you!
You should be treating me
like a king!
You know how many women
would wanna date me?
Any other guy would be
texting girls
and probably cheating on you.
On you especially.
What is that supposed to mean?
Mackenzie, we never have sex.
We have sex.
Since when is this an issue?
FINN ON PHONE:
Since always.
Am I the only one
in this relationship?
My friends think
it's so f*cked up
the way that you treat me.
I mean, their girlfriends
have sex with them every day.
What? They said that?
I think you've given me head
like twice.
I hate this so much.
Why are you doing this
right now?
Well, because it's a problem.
We can have sex more. Okay?
We'll have sex more.
What do you want me to do
about this right now?
All I want you to know
is that I'm not happy
or satisfied.
Well, I'll f*cking blow you
when I get home, okay?
Are you happy now?
I hate my life! Jesus!
Script of True West?
Well, I rewrote it.
I had rewritten it
and I just thought that
we could like
put on a production
in the apartment.
-It was good.
-ALLY: Can you pass me that?
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Is one of you Mackenzie?
Yeah.
Your boyfriend's on the phone.
MACKENZIE: Oh, my God.
I'm... I'm so sorry.
I'll call him back
from my phone.
That's... Sorry about that.
Seriously, what is happening?
He's locked out
of his apartment.
(DIALTONE RINGING)
What the f*ck is wrong
with you?
It's not a big deal.
Calm down.
No, I have to go.
This is so twisted.
I just wanted to talk.
Stop freaking out.
You're the one
who's freaking out!
Relax. Breathe. It's okay.
What do you want?
I wanna know if you still
want to be with me.
Yes, I do.
Just stop, please stop.
FINN ON PHONE:
What's taking so long?
When are you gonna be home?
Twenty minutes.
FINN ON PHONE:
Okay, I'll see you
in 20 minutes.
I'm turning off my phone.
We don't get along right now.
Hey, you okay?
Oh, yeah.
I... I'm fine.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Hong Kong.
What do you think?
I don't know.
What's wrong?
What? Nothing.
Everything's fine.
How is it fine?
Because it is.
You don't think that you'd be
better off without me?
MACKENZIE: No.
'Cause I have problems.
MACKENZIE:
I don't think that.
And that all I do
is cause you trouble.
It's not true.
And I'm sorry
if me hanging out
with Lucas upsets you.
I can understand that.
But you can't just be
breaking sh*t.
It's my sh*t.
I paid for it.
Besides, what the f*ck
do you care anyway?
Look, maybe I should...
Maybe I should move
my week around.
-No.
-So I can stay longer.
No, no, I...
I have so much work to do.
Honestly, it would just be you
waiting around again.
FINN: I don't wanna leave
when we're on these terms
with each other.
Everything's fine. Seriously.
Nothing's changed.
You should go on your trip.
We're good. I promise.
Well, now it feels
like you're trying to get
rid of me.
MACKENZIE: (SCOFFS) What?
No.
I'm... I'm not.
Something's up.
MACKENZIE:
You're just being paranoid.
And... And I'm...
I'm... I'm gonna get
a new number today.
You don't have to do that.
MACKENZIE:
I want to.
Cause I... I just, I wanna make
you feel as secure
as you make me feel.
You promise you don't
look at me differently?
MACKENZIE: I promise.
FINN: I hate
being away from you.
All I do is think about you.
I'm so lucky.
Nobody has what we have.
It's so special.
So real.
So real.
(SIGHS)
(PHONE RINGING)
(GRUNTS)
(TAKING DEEP BREATHS)
(PHONE RINGING)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(TAKING DEEP BREATHS)
(TAKING DEEP BREATHS)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hi, baby.
Sorry, my phone was
in the other room.
-What's up?
-FINN ON PHONE:
Hi, Angel.
Just wanted to say
I miss you already.
Oh, I miss you, too.
I was just about to hop
in the shower.
Can I give you a call
a little later?
FINN ON PHONE:
Yeah. I love you.
I love you more.
FINN: You know...
MACKENZIE: What?
I probably should inspect you
for ticks.
Oh, is that so?
FINN: Yeah,
we were kind of reckless
out there.
Yeah?
No ticks there.
(GASPS)
(INAUDIBLE)
ALLY: f*ck,
that's f*cking good.
LUCAS: Kenz!
Our little city hall staffer,
wow, you gonna wear a pantsuit
on your first day?
What do you think?
Yeah, I haven't thought
that far ahead.
I am excited, though.
You totally deserve this.
I mean, not really.
What are you talking about,
our little staffing vix,
you've been working
your a*s off.
Every law student in like
a 300-mile radius
applied for this job.
I'm just the only one
whose boyfriend
knows a counsel person.
But it is my dream,
so I'm just trying
to go with it.
How is the boyfriend?
He's good. He's really good.
ALLY: Even today?
What is that supposed to mean?
You know, just because
he has a tendency of ruining
special or important days,
like even Christmas.
I mean, if it was bad
all the time,
obviously I wouldn't
put up with it,
but we've been really good.
We have.
You guys don't see
the other sides of him
that I do, you know?
And it's not like
I'm the easiest person
to be in
a relationship with, either.
He makes a lot of sacrifices
to be with me.
Like what?
Maybe you like how much
he needs you.
Maybe it makes you
feel special.
Maybe you don't know
what it's like to be
in a real relationship.
Actually, I'm dating someone
who's really nice
and doesn't even have
social media.
Which you'd know, obviously,
if you weren't so consumed
by your real relationship.
That's really great, Ally.
Who is it?
Let's just say
he's basically Ponyboy.
Ponyboy's 13.
Not anymore.
I swear to God, I once
saw him light a cigarette
with no hands and no fire.
You swear to God on that?
-ALLY: Lucas is dating
someone, too.
-You are?
Trying not to jinx it,
so I'm not gonna talk
about it.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Do you not have your phone?
Finn just texted me.
-Oh, I just probably
don't have service.
-Sorry.
He's texted me, too.
Wow. What's with all the tech?
I like to have it with me
just in case.
ALLY:
Just in case of what?
LUCAS:
What do you think?
Oh, iCloud?
I'm so scared of iCloud.
It's the scariest thing
in the entire world.
Like, do you know how
much sh*t I've talked?
No, no, no.
Do not let my anxiety
give you anxiety.
ALLY: f*ck.
Do you think I'm
a horrible person now,
'cause I just took
your anxiety?
You like shared an anxiety
and I was like, "No me,
I'm anxious, too."
No, it'll just give me
more anxiety
if I made you think
you should have anxiety.
ALLY: If all your devices
are with you,
do you think you're just like
multiplying the chances
of your devices
overhearing you?
Like, wouldn't that give you
more anxiety?
I think for me that would
give me more anxiety if I...
FINN: I... I thought...
I thought you would wanna
celebrate the job with me.
And for you to go out
with them,
it just feels
like betrayal.
I'm hurt.
It just makes me mad.
They're not good friends
to you.
The only reason
why they keep you around
is because
you're the only person
nice enough to tolerate them.
If my friends didn't like you,
I wouldn't be able
to be friends with them.
All I do is nice things.
I'm like the nicest guy ever.
You know, I've been talking
to my therapist.
She says you not telling me
these things
really triggers
my abandonment issues.
She says the way that
you treat me is f*cked up.
She says
you're a bad girlfriend.
Feels like
an inappropriate thing
for a therapist to say.
Mackenzie, she has a degree.
Would you rather me ask
my two jobless loser friends
what they think
of our relationship?
I forgot I can't be honest
about how I'm feeling.
Because if I have
any feelings, I'm scary.
I'm the one whose girlfriend
is dressed like a wh*re.
If you want Lucas
to f*ck you so bad,
maybe you should
leave a little bit more
up to his imagination.
Sorry, I want to cry,
because everyone hates me
for no reason
and my life sucks!
I can't do this anymore,
Finn. I can't.
Oh, God.
What?
What are you
talking about, Mackenzie?
We're just talking.
No, we're not just talking!
FINN: Just break up
with me, Mackenzie.
If I'm so f*cking horrible,
break up with me.
Why are you crying.
Nothing bad has ever
happened to you
in your entire life, has it?
It's always something.
I just... I can't.
I can't do anything right.
I can't.
I love you.
I really, really love you.
But I'm never gonna be able
to make you happy.
Oh, God.
What?
I bet you led
your professor on.
Just like you led me on.
And now you're ruining my life
like you ruined his.
(SLAPS)
(GASPS)
You f*cking hit me
in the face!
MACKENZIE: I know.
I don't know why.
I would never hit you
in a million years.
No, I don't know
what came over me.
I think I was just trying
something new.
FINN: You're trying
something new?
Get the f*ck away from me!
Sorry.
-Baby, you hit me in the face.
-I know. I'm sorry.
-FINN: Oh, my God.
-I'm sorry.
(SOBS)
I'm sorry.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
Wow.
Look who it is.
Hey.
Finals?
Yeah. I'm f*cked.
Are you the kind of person
that does what
they need to pass
or overwork,
say you're f*cked,
and then get an A?
I oscillate between the two.
JAKE: You'll be fine.
Where you been?
You've been ghosting me
pretty hard.
Uh, I got a new number.
Too many crazy stalkers?
(CHUCKLES)
What is it?
What?
Your number.
(CHUCKLES)
MACKENZIE: Here you go.
It was nice to see you.
MACKENZIE: Yeah, you too.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Text message from "Finn.
Heart emoji,
best boyfriend in the world."
"What's with the 'Hi'?
Please don't mess
with my head today."
Would you like to reply?
(SIGHS)
Message from
"Finn, heart emoji
"best boyfriend in the world".
"Why even text if you're
not going to respond."
Would you like to reply?
Reply.
I'm sorry, exclamation point.
I meant it like a sweet hi.
Exclamation point,
exclamation point.
Send.
Text message from
"Finn, heart emoji
"best boyfriend in the world."
-"K."
-(GRUNTS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Sorry. I was distracted
in the library.
How are you feeling, baby?
FINN ON PHONE:
You good?
Yeah. Why?
FINN ON PHONE:
You sound weird.
How can I sound weird?
I haven't even
said anything yet.
FINN ON PHONE:
I can't say anything right.
Please don't start something.
I'm too sad.
No, no, I wasn't.
I wasn't starting something.
I'm sorry.
I thought you were trying to
start something.
Let's start over.
What are you up to today?
(FINN SIGHS)
FINN ON PHONE: I don't know.
I thought you were gonna
fly out and surprise me.
Why would you think that?
FINN ON PHONE:
I don't know.
I feel like
if it was reversed
and I saw how upset
I made you,
I probably would have gotten
on the next flight
to prove I'm there for you.
I'm not the one making you
feel this way.
I love you, and I'm doing
everything I can
to prove it to you.
You just need to trust me.
FINN ON PHONE:
Well, that's pretty pathetic,
if that's everything.
Best way to prove it is to
be here with me.
ALLY ON PHONE:
Sorry, I just got your text.
Totally get it, obviously.
I just wish you
could be there,
but I'll see you
when you're back. Love you.
We love you. We love you.
-Happy, happy birthday.
-(CLINKING)
LUCAS:
Happy birthday. Cheers.
FRIEND: Cheers.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
-You ever heard of it?
-No.
Okay, I'm gonna give you
the Finn special.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you so much.
I'm going to get it all deep
in your locks.
-Oh, wow.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, you're good
at that.
-It's good.
-Is it all on my face, too?
-It's everywhere.
-Oh, good.
-Yeah.
Hey, um, I didn't force you
to come out here, did I?
No.
f*ck, I did, didn't I?
No, come on.
I wouldn't be here
if I didn't want to be.
-You promise?
-I promise.
You pinky promise?
Pinky promise.
-You know you're the world
to me, right?
-Yeah.
You know,
I'll do anything for you?
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Hey, uh, can I...
Can I borrow your phone?
My service is whack.
Yeah, sure.
(SCREAMS)
You scared me.
FINN: They didn't answer.
Oh, okay.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
(ALARM RINGING)
Mac.
-Mackenzie! Wake up.
-(GASPS)
Oh my God, what the...
What happened?
-What time is it?
-Who's Lindsay?
What?
Don't play dumb with me.
I've had enough of that.
Who is Lindsay?
She's... She's just a girl
from my study group.
Uh-huh.
What's a girl doing from your
study group texting you?
"What are you up to?"
at 2:00 in the morning?
I don't know.
She's a strange person.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I called Lindsay.
Are you gonna be
honest with me now?
Yeah.
I ran into him at the library,
and he just wanted
the new number,
and I... I didn't know how to
say no, so I gave it to him.
FINN: Oh f*ck.
MACKENZIE:
And I was afraid that
you would freak out about it,
so I just saved it as Lindsay.
And I was seeing him
before we even met,
but I wasn't gonna
text him back.
I never was gonna
text him back.
And I know,
I know it sounds bad, but I...
Shh!
(GASPS)
You're a liar!
I tell you when a girl even
f*cking looks at me!
Steve Jobs' hot daughter
DM'd me on Instagram
and I blocked her!
I'm the most f*cking
honest guy ever!
f*ck!
You saved his number
as a girl!
What the f*ck
am I supposed to think?
I mean, I would never in a
million years do this to you.
Ever!
MACKENZIE:
I know you're right.
You wouldn't. You wouldn't.
FINN: You must have
flirted with him,
otherwise he wouldn't
have texted you.
MACKENZIE:
I swear I would never do
anything to hurt you.
I swear.
I... I can't believe
you called him.
FINN: I didn't call him!
I didn't f*cking call him.
But it's good to know what
I have to do to get some
f*cking honesty around here.
You f*cking lied to me
when you didn't tell me
you ran into him
at the library.
You lied to me when you
saved his number as Lindsay.
And then you f*cking lied to
my face twice
when I asked you about it
just now.
(SOBS)
-I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry.
-FINN: Oh, God.
MACKENZIE:
No, I'm sorry, please.
You are the best thing
that's ever happened
to me, okay?
And I just made
a stupid mistake,
that's all, okay?
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me,
please forgive me.
(SOBS)
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
(SOBS)
Finn? Hey.
What are you...
-(SHATTERS)
-(GASPS)
What are you doing?
Please stop it, please.
I don't wanna do it.
(SCREAMS)
(SOBBING)
I can't do it.
What a moron I am.
I can't believe I wasted
all this time on such a b*tch.
What the f*ck?
(BANGING)
What are you...
What are you doing?
Don't come any closer to me.
Please stop,
it's not funny, please.
I don't think it's funny.
I wrote a suicide note
on my phone.
Everyone's gonna know
this is your fault.
Please, I'll do anything.
I'll do anything.
Please, just come inside.
Finn, stop.
FINN: It's too late.
MACKENZIE:
Please get down.
Just the sound of your voice.
I don't want to do it.
(PHONE RINGING)
FINN: Don't answer that.
Don't f*cking answer that.
Don't answer that.
(BREAKS PHONE)
(DOOR BANGS)
FINN: Hey, how's it going?
HOTEL EMPLOYEE 1:
Are you okay?
HOTEL EMPLOYEE 2:
We've been receiving
complaints about your room.
Oh, did I make too much noise?
I'm so sorry.
I... I... I did break
a couple things.
Of course,
I'll pay for everything.
Actually, um...
I'm really appreciative
of what you guys do.
Uh, so if there's any...
Is this against hotel policy?
I... I'm just really...
HOTEL EMPLOYEE 2:
I'll be right back.
Okay.
For you, if you...
If you want it.
I have to go.
I love you so much.
Please let me go.
Yeah.
Door's open.
I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things
you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
LUCAS: Look who's here!
Thank God.
Ice cream.
How are we doing?
So good.
I'm vegan this week.
Yeah, well, I'm paleo.
I'm ano.
It's for the vibes.
Like breakup vibes.
LUCAS: Yeah.
ALLY: Ice cream.
-Yes!
-No, I don't want to break up.
He was the best boyfriend ever
and I'm just a cold person
who doesn't know how to
love anyone.
Um...
You are not cold.
You are definitely not cold.
You're warm and cozy like
this blanket.
And you're all bundled.
Bundled up and...
MACKENZIE:
If I didn't do things
that hurt him, everything
would be fine.
-LUCAS: Oh God.
-Everything hurt him.
Literally everything hurt him.
-MACKENZIE:
-What if he jumped?
He didn't jump.
He's gonna be on
the news tonight just like
he always is, okay?
I lied.
I gave another guy my number
and then I lied about it.
I'd be really upset
if he did that
but he would never
do that.
Ally?
Yeah?
Why is there a phone
in the freezer?
Yeah, it's my old phone.
I'm scared of people
listening in.
You think the feds give a f*ck
whether or not
you're a soft summer
or a true autumn?
ALLY: I'm a dark winter.
No one's ever gonna love me
that much ever again.
Let's focus on
the positive here, okay?
Shall we?
LUCAS: Let's refocus.
ALLY: Yeah.
First...
You are about to get
so freaking hot
from this breakup.
So hot. Let's go.
Let's go.
Okay? Like the worse
the breakup,
the hotter you get.
-Everyone knows that.
-Everybody knows it.
And you already look good.
It's like very Indie sleaze.
I'm grotesque.
-Thank you period.
-Don't.
Sorry.
-I regret it.
-(SIGHS)
I f*cked up.
I really f*cked up.
No, you... No.
You didn't f*ck up.
I'm a hypocrite.
All he ever wanted
was reassurance
and the only reason
I didn't need that
from him
was because
he constantly gave it.
Nope.
I miss him.
I need him.
No, I'm running out of ways
to say no here.
He was so hot.
-He...
-He was hot.
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, um...
I was just motioning for you
to pass my vape.
It's on your side of the bed.
(SMACKS)
Thanks.
(TAKES A DRAG)
Um, that's mine.
(DOOR SHUTS)
Oh, then we're fading
to the water
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
-Here I am
-(BOTH LAUGH)
(SONG CONTINUES)
But that may give it in
Your silhouette is burning
through my head
Give it one more day
Stay here till we fade
Give it just one more day
AUTOMATED VOICE:
We're sorry.
You've reached a number
that's been disconnected or...
Tonight, with a new edition
of the evening news.
I am incredibly excited today
for several reasons.
And a little tired of living
through so many
unprecedented events.
But alas,
I leave the viewers tonight...
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
I love you, Jenny.
What the f*ck?
We've been on the phone
all night long
I see new ways
To your favorite song
You oughta do
this thing for me
If I called you up at 3:00
You'd probably
see my number
and just let it be
Well, f*ck that
f*ck that
You did the busy tune
No, this is not a joke
I'm not playing nice
Ooh, you called me once
called me twice
Got on the third time
I changed my number,
change my life
Now I'm sleeping all day, baby
'Cause I stayed up
the whole night
You've been calling
too much lately
Next time you hit my line
I'll say f*ck that
f*ck that
Now I'm sleeping the whole day
Cause I stayed up
the whole night
You've been calling
too much lately
Next time you hit my line
I'll say f*ck that
f*ck that
I'll say f*ck that
f*ck that
I'll say f*ck that
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Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register