[distant, growing instrumental]
[electronic voice]
Five, four, three, two, one.
[The Man] I've been having
the same dream over and over.
[exhales shakily]
I'm in my bed, and someone's
in the room with me.
It's the first person
I've seen in a long time.
Before I know it,
he has a pillow over my face
and I'm being smothered blue.
f*ck, f*ck!
[muffled grunting]
[muffled shouting]
-[Erica gasps loudly]
-Ah, f*ck!
-[Erica grunts]
-Erica.
Holy sh*t. Wake up.
Wake up. What happened?
It was just a nightmare.
It's okay.
It's okay. You're okay.
What was the nightmare?
I don't know.
I don't even remember
what was happening.
You okay?
Yeah.
I just forgot
who I was for a second.
[The Man] You're Erica Martin.
Mother-to-be.
Four more months.
[The Man chuckles]
[The Man] Isn't it weird--
Sorry, I'll turn the light on.
I know you hate it, I'm sorry.
I just gotta get this out.
Isn't it weird
when you wake up from,
like, a really deep sleep
and it's like you just
came from another dimension?
It's like--
it's like, where was I?
You know, it's just like
the overlord's finished
uploading your memories
in your brain. [chuckles]
I was going down
the YouTube rabbit hole
after watching
that Elon Musk interview,
the one about the simulations.
I mean, I don't--
I mean, I don't even
really believe it, but...
I don't know,
I just couldn't stop watching
video after video after video.
And it's so weird, because
all the same people who say
that they're atheists
are the same exact people
who say we're living in
a giant computer program,
and it's like, yeah, dude,
you're talking about God.
But even then, I don't know.
I mean, it's like--
I feel like--
I feel like that's why I feel
like I'm smart or something,
because I won't go
either way with it, you know?
Like, I'm just pretty good
saying, like, "I don't know."
[The Man sighs]
Erica?
I'm sorry.
I just really need to sleep.
[The Man] Are you mad at me?
No. I just need to sleep.
[The Man] Okay.
Is she kicking?
Has she been kicking?
Erica, has she been kicking?
[introspective music]
I think everything
goes back to 9/11.
I mean, like, no sh*t. Duh.
But, like, if you look at
the trajectory of everything
that happened after that,
like, specific events
and when they occurred,
it's like, you just--
you can't believe that things
happened when they happened.
Right? I mean, and, like,
I have a hard time remembering
anything before 9/11
that wasn't, like, sports
or, like, going
and hanging out with friends,
but that was, like--
that was kind of, like,
when I stopped having friends
as much, because, like,
I was in college,
and I wasn't, like,
going to parties or anything.
I mean, like, not on 9/11.
I wasn't--
on 9/11, I wasn't going
to any parties. I just--
I just-- But it's so weird
because, like, Y2K, right?
Like, I was 18-- 18?
Yeah, 'cause, like--
Yeah, 'cause I was
going into senior year,
and it was, like,
second semester?
Or second quarter.
It's third quarter.
Do you guys have quarters?
Anyway, it was just
this big joke, 'cause it was
like, "Y2K, oh, my gosh.
Like, planes are gonna
fall out of the sky."
But, like, nothing happened,
right? Like, literally nothing.
But it's crazy because then
I was, like, watching YouTube
and watching all these videos,
and all these guys--
or, like, one guy--
one guy actually was saying
that, like, it was a problem,
but nothing happened
because they'd been
working on it for years.
How-- how have you been? Sorry.
-Sorry.
-I'm good.
Uh, you know,
just hanging in there.
Sorry, I just, uh-- Ow, sorry.
Do you mind-- Can I-- I'm gonna
-take this off right now.
-Sure.
Sorry, you said
you're hanging in there?
Yeah. You know, like,
family, work, same stuff.
It's good to see you
out and about.
Yeah. You know, it's kind of
like a learning curve for me.
Like, it's not--
I'm not, like-- You know.
Still kind of gutting it out,
you know,
but still also trying
to get out there, you know?
This whole thing, like,
we're all headed for this,
like, massive collapse,
and just seeing that narrative
in the media is just,
like, way too much for me.
-I agree completely, man.
-Yeah, I mean, like,
I don't even believe it, right?
Like, it's not even true.
Like, I mean,
at the end of the day,
I think we're all better
than that, aren't we?
I mean, the problem is like
we're all just so f*ck'--
sorry-- we're all so freakin'
impressionable that, like,
we're just trying
to sink our teeth into
whatever the next thing is.
Like, I was watching, again,
YouTube, and there was
this Malcolm Gladwell interview
where he was talking about,
like, social contagions
and how, like, everything
in our culture is just sort of,
like, a result of the power
of suggestion, really.
Like, everything, from, like...
I don't know, catchphrases
to, like, song lyrics.
Like, you name it, right?
I mean, like anxiety, right?
I mean, like, we're
an anxiety-filled culture,
we're an anxiety-filled society,
and, like, I have anxiety.
I'm sure you have anxiety.
[stammering]
I just-- Sometimes I wish it
would just, like, be quiet.
You know? I just wish it would
just kind of, like, quiet down.
[scoffs]
[insect buzzing]
So that was, like-- So like I
was saying, it was, like, 2000.
I don't even--
Like, what was 2000?
You got Elin Gonzlez.
You got, like,
the first X-Men movie
comes out, you got, like--
obviously, like,
the Timothy McVeigh execution.
Or, like-- That actually--
that might've been 2001.
But I can't even remember
anything else about 2001, right?
Like, except-- Oh, it was
Clinton's last year in office.
Oh, my gosh, Florida.
Hanging chads,
Bush wins the election, and
then cut to nine months later.
[dramatic music]
[woman] Right in the middle of
the building.
And right now, that--
Yes, that was definitely--
It looked like
it was on purpose.
[The Man] I'm watching
this sh*t, and I'm, like,
saying the same thing
that they're saying on TV.
It's like this is a f*ck'
movie. I'm just speechless.
I mean, you remember.
Like, there's people
running down the street
in throngs, you know? And--
You expect Godzilla to come
running around the corner,
you know?
Wait,
isn't it crazy that, like--
Yeah, like, right now we're
26 years removed from Godzilla.
The Matthew Broderick one.
You remember that?
That was only
three years earlier.
And so right now we're 26 years
away from Godzilla,
but when Godzilla came out,
we were 26 years away from,
like, The Godfather.
Wait, Godzilla, The Godfather.
[laughs]
I just--
I remember walking into school,
and there was this guy
and he was standing on a bench,
and he was just standing
on this bench yelling, like,
"We're all gonna die," right?
And it was, again,
like this big joke,
but we had all just watched
two planes go into two buildings
on live TV,
and then two more planes crash,
and 3,000 people are dead,
and this guy is just
on this park bench in
the school just screaming,
"We're all gonna die." I mean...
I mean, I laughed, but it was
'cause I was nervous, you know?
Do you think that's
how Americans deal with,
like, really bad sh*t?
Like, we just make fun of it?
Like, "Ha-ha-ha,
it's not happening."
But then, like,
you remember after that, like,
everywhere you went, there were
just flags everywhere.
Right?
I mean, like, it was just--
It was like the t*rrorists have
done what no one else could do:
bring America together,
you know?
[reporter] Patriotism has been
spreading across America.
America is united.
We are stronger than ever.
[The Man] And Bush had,
like, a 90% approval rating.
Like, which you can't,
like-- you could never--
Nothing has 90% approval now.
Like, maybe orgasms,
but, like, not everyone, right?
I mean, everyone was just,
like, f*cking gacked
on this idea of America, right?
Like, that's my point. Like--
And it was
after being blindsided.
After-- after losing.
You know? I mean, that's just...
I mean, it's kind of beautiful
when you think about it,
you know?
You know, it's funny,
you could see when Bush
was giving that bullhorn
speech thing at Ground Zero,
he was-- you know,
he was doing his spiel.
And the people who
knocked these buildings down
-will hear all of us soon.
-[crowd cheering]
[The Man] And it's subtle,
but he puts the bullhorn
back up to say something,
but he stops himself because
everyone is chanting
"USA, USA, USA."
[crowd] USA! USA! USA!
[The Man] I mean, that's any
president's bread and butter.
I mean, if you get the people
to start chanting that,
and then you throw a curveball
at the World Series?
[crowd cheering]
I just kind of have an excellent
memory for this kind of sh*t,
and, like, that's what it is.
I mean, I, like--
Like,
I see everything in my head,
and then when I'm not talking,
I hear everything, you know?
And I'm sure-- I'm sure there's
something I could do about it,
but I kind of like it, you know?
I'm sure you have, like,
an internal monologue.
-Like...
-"Internal monologue."
Wait, what do you mean by that?
Uh, like-- just, like,
words in your head? Like...
Like, when you read a book,
what happens?
Oh, I have to read it out loud.
I don't hear words.
-Like, ever?
-No, I run my finger
along the page
and read it out loud.
That's how my process works.
It's-- I mean, it sounds--
I guess now that I'm saying it,
it sounds strange,
'cause I'm like,
I see the word, but--
[The Man] I know I talk
too much and it's weird,
but I can't stop it. I mean, it
already feels
unsafe and unsettling for me
to be going out and meeting
with people at this point,
and I just talk way too much
when I'm nervous,
and now I don't even know
if it's bad that I'm talking
to myself too much. I mean,
he doesn't even look like
he knows what I'm talking about
with the internal
monologue thing.
[melancholy music]
I can't stop thinking
about this timeline thing.
Something that's
nagging me when
I think about the year 2001
is the movie Vanilla Sky.
Which, like, why am I
thinking about that movie?
I mean, it was weird when
Tom Cruise was walking around
in an empty Times Square.
I mean, it wasn't weird then.
It was just like,
"How do they do that?
You can't shut down
Times Square."
Yeah,
you can't shut down
Times Square
unless you're Hollywood
or a deadly virus.
And then I thought about
this video they showed us
in Ecology when
I was in college.
It was this PSA about a family
that lives near a gas plant
or a factory or something
that if it exploded, like,
real serious sh*t happens.
And the whole video
is about shelter-in-place.
I mean, you've got the mom
and the dad and the kids
literally f*cking taping up
all the cracks in the house,
and it's like, cut to...
just one more echo
of the future out of the past.
Maybe America is playing out a
giant self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think we'd like
to dig ourselves a hole
and then see if we
can climb up.
Otherwise, the media wouldn't
tee us up like they do.
-[woman] It was a scary sight.
-Watch out!
[The Man] Like, this station has
people running for their lives.
This station has
an ad for a show
that has a school sh**ting
or something.
An ad about school shootings?
Brought to you by Gillette or
something? I don't understand.
Probably. Probably. Honestly.
[announcer] It can happen
at any school at any time.
Tomorrow it's happening
at Boston Public.
The point is they're just
all this sensationalist stuff,
but if they're not
on purpose trying to connect
advertising and death and
k*lling, like, I don't know--
They 100% are.
That's the point of it.
-Right, but it's--
-That's great. That's money.
It's not just Hollywood,
though, man.
They've always got
two things going on.
If there's a big one, you have
to look for the other one.
So for instance,
like Iraq. Right?
Like the country.
-Yes, the country. Yes.
-Okay. I'm with you.
I'm 100% on board with
everything you're saying.
Got it. Iraq, right.
So then you turn on CNN
and Anderson Cooper's
doing this super-duper
stars and stripes w*r special
that everyone is doing.
I don't know who that is,
but continue.
He's got this lady on there
and he's asking about WMDs,
and how do we know that there
are WMDs? What's the proof?
Is there any way
to know for sure
whether or not this is true?
Well, of course, what--
[stammers]
The lady's, like--
She didn't have any answers.
Right?
'Cause it didn't happen, right?
But if you look at the bottom,
there's this little scrawl,
that thing.
-Sure.
-It says "mystery pneumonia."
Wait, you read
the thing at the bottom?
-Yes!
-People read that?
-There's the w*r in Iraq...
-Okay.
...and then there's a mystery
pneumonia going around.
-All right.
-Does that sound
like anything to you?
It sounds like
the words that you just said.
[The Man] It's-- it's SARS!
You're-- You don't
remember this, dude? SARS.
[stammers] It almost--
We almost had to skip
our senior year of college.
What does this have to do
with COVID? I don't know--
It is COVID! It's COVID.
It's COVID. It's another
coronavirus. It happened.
I believe you. It didn't happen,
but sure, I'll believe you.
It did-- it did happen,
but it didn't happen
because of the w*r in Iraq.
Where are you getting
any of this information?
Where are you
absorbing this from?
This little ticker,
did it tell you that?
Did you read that
and it said it?
Besides just, like--
besides just, like, living life,
it's from videos on YouTube.
-Yeah, see, it's YouTube.
-Don't do that.
-Don't do that.
-No, no, no, 'cause you said--
[overlapping arguing]
Whenever you're ready,
I'll take care of that.
-I appreciate it.
-Yeah, I got it.
-No, no, no. Nah.
-Don't do that.
-Don't do that.
-I got it. I got it.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah, man, I got it.
Don't even worry about it, dude.
Okay.
Okay. Listen, man,
here's the thing.
I wanna talk about this for a
long time, but I got to go, man.
I got some sh*t I have to do.
I love you.
-You're perfect in every way.
-Okay.
Listen, I got this new wife,
right? She's f*cking Chechnyan.
She has, like, 18 uncles.
They're all in my house.
They k*lled a goat
the other day. Just k*lled it.
They just brought it home.
I thought it was there
as, like, a pet,
and then they f*cking k*lled it
and we ate the entire thing.
And I shouldn't have said
about the wife, man. I'm sorry.
-That was insensitive of me.
-No, no, no, that's okay.
-I shouldn't have said anything.
-That's all right.
Look, look, it's fine. I'm fine.
I'm fine.
It's been a little bit.
-You're gonna--
-I-- I don't have a wife.
You have a wife, and goats,
and a whole family.
We don't have the goat anymore.
[tense music]
[The Man] Why would he apologize
for mentioning his wife?
The thing with
me and Erica was--
was three years ago,
that doesn't make any sense.
What am I supposed to say
when people bring her up?
She never told me what
she needed, and now it's over.
-It's over.
-Wha-- Um--
What do you mean, it's over?
Those are her words, not mine.
I wasn't ready yet.
I don't control everything.
People act like I'm
supposed to.
Unless this is
a Truman Show situation
where everyone is pretending
I'm not the main character,
which, in that case,
everyone has a script,
which, in that case, since
I've wised up, so to speak,
they would have no way of
staying on the planned script.
I was talking to
my good buddy about this, and--
You don't know him.
He's never been in here.
But, like,
we were talking about how, like,
it's not all about
w*r and conflict,
but it's about
what's going on in between
the seams of w*r and conflict.
Like 2003, right?
Like, Iraq's falling apart.
You remember that?
Yes.
[explosions booming]
I don't wanna get into it
if you don't remember it.
-I remember, honey.
-Okay. All right, cool.
Okay, 'cause, like, so 2003,
Iraq's falling apart.
They're tearing down the S*ddam
statue, right?
But at the same time,
Anthony Fauci...
-I've never heard of him.
-...is on TV.
I don't know
who you're talking about.
Coronavirus.
We're not sure whether
it's the virus itself
that's causing all the damage
in the lungs of the individual
or if it's the virus together
with what would be
a normal immune response.
I don't know-- I mean, he was
just saying all the same things
he said this time, but
I don't know if people, like,
just didn't remember, or--
I mean, my friend had never
even heard of SARS, right?
-No.
-But, like, it's been
right there in the name
for four years.
-[man] The SARS outbreak...
-[woman 1] The SARS outbreak...
-[woman 2] This outbreak...
-...wearing a mask.
[woman 3]
SARS-CoV-2 infects humans.
SARS-CoV-2.
That's what they're calling it.
So Fauci's saying it.
Like, the news is saying it.
They're telling everybody
to, like, wash their hands.
But this is what we're
talking about, that there's
all this crazy stuff going on at
exactly, exactly the same time.
Are we prepared for
any kind of epidemic?
-Do those masks really work?
-Masks do work.
[The Man] At the same time,
Cabin Fever comes out,
and you got the main character
running around,
and he's, like,
literally screaming, like...
-Don't come near me! Stop!
-Jeff!
Stop! I don't wanna get sick.
I don't want any of us
getting sick.
But you two f*cking f*ck
insist on touching her.
Now she's bleeding
all over both
of you guys.
So you two can f*cking rot.
But not me. No f*cking way!
And not only that,
but then, 28 Days Later--
-You remember that movie?
-No.
I haven't heard
of that cabin one, either.
It doesn't matter.
It's zombies, end of the world.
It's, like, empty streets.
It's fine.
But it's-- So on the one hand,
you've got this movie about,
like, a viral illness, right?
And on the other hand,
you have a zombie movie
where a guy is standing
in the middle of, like,
an empty London, which looks
exactly like COVID lockdown,
and, like, Cillian Murphy--
You know him.
-No. What's he in?
-Uh, Oppenheimer.
-Nope.
-Inception?
-Nope.
-Batman Begins.
Yes, I have seen that one.
Oh, wait, no,
not the Jack Nicholson one.
-Oh. Then no.
-It doesn't matter.
It's just, if you just
look at it, it's like we were
being prepared for it.
You know? For everything.
And we kind of-- like, we kind
of were, if you think about it.
-Right?
-Hmm.
That is definitely
something to think about.
[The Man] I remember seeing
the movie Can't Hardly Wait
in high school,
and I didn't know Erica yet,
and it was, like,
the epitome of hope
in terms of, like,
what unrequited love is.
And the song
"How's It Going to Be,"
that was, like, the promotional
tool for the movie in every ad,
and it was like,
man, as a 17-year-old,
you're like, "This is what
love is. This is my future."
But it's about a breakup.
The irony of the movie is that
the song is about
a guy wanting, I think,
to break up with a girl,
but in the movie,
the guy wants
to be with the girl.
I mean,
maybe that's why it works.
The song guy literally
knows he can't take anymore,
but the movie guy represents
the chords and the performance,
and it's impeccable.
I mean, the lyrics:
"A silence I can't ignore,
like the hammock by the doorway
we spent in swings empty."
And you just feel like,
"Jesus, I just wanna stop,
look out the window, and
just allow myself to genuinely
feel that bad for once
and just sit in it,
even if it makes
my guts and heart
warm and content with sadness."
[announcer]
Students and film lovers,
welcome to This Is A Film:
The Masterclass
with your teacher.
Okay,
this is simply an exercise,
so don't worry about anything.
Just go for it.
Listen, young lady.
I've given you quite some time
to get your act together,
but it's not getting through
your thick skull, is it?
Oh! Oh, no. I'm sorry, baby.
Daddy loves you. Don't cry.
Hey, please. Hey, don't cry.
You've been at home
with me this whole time.
Stop f*cking with me.
You haven't been
getting treatment...
Okay, okay, just--
Here, hold up.
No, it's good, you're just--
-you're indicating a little.
-Ah, sh*t. Okay.
-Sorry.
-No, it's okay.
[ominous music]
-Hey, what's up, man?
-Hey, Johnny. How you doing?
You're looking at it.
Yeah.
Are you working on anything?
Uh, well, you know,
I had some stuff lined up, but,
uh, alone together.
Safer inside.
This is just an exercise,
but just, um,
let's pretend you're in
a hammock with your family,
and so maybe there's
a wife and a daughter,
and you're just--
you're having a great time.
[gentle music]
I can't say
this all drove me to drink,
but it drove me
to have another drink.
Ah, yes. The drinking.
-Hey!
-Everyone was drinking.
Hi!
What are you drinking?
Oh, my God! No, you're on mute.
[The Man] It was fun the first
month because it was like
getting another chance
at grade school summer break
or something, but, yeah,
a few months passed,
and I guess I'm not allowed
to have fun anymore.
It's a problem.
Like a
watching-YouTube-alone-at
3:00-a.m.-six-drinks-in-problem
One day you're gonna realize
you are the homeless dude.
The One World government is
taking everything we have.
Are you just gonna stand there
and let it happen,
or are you gonna rise up
and do what you gotta do?
-Hi, I'm Jonathan Lipnicki.
-Lipnicki!
In a world full
of instant gratification,
it's crucial to know
that is not the way.
The way is Uncle Mind.
[woman] Pay attention.
[Jonathan]
The way is Uncle Mind.
-[woman] Pay attention.
-The way is Uncle Mind.
-[woman] Pay attention.
-Holy sh*t. What the f*ck?
[woman] Pay attention. Listen.
[The Man] The people I know--
or at least the ones
who I saw in little squares
on the Internet--
they all have a problem too.
Maybe they still don't know.
Oh. I drink too much.
Oh, yeah. No, absolutely.
-Um, but I--
-Me too. What?
-Oh.
-Sorry.
-Are you okay?
-Sorry. You cut out?
-I'll go.
-No, I was just--
-[laughs] Wha--
-Yeah, no--
-It's okay. No, no, no, just--
-Sorry.
Uh, here. I thought-- What?
[woman laughing]
Uh, how's Erica?
It's over.
[The Man] Stay inside.
Stay apart.
We're alone together.
Pass the time.
Watch the news. Stay
up to date.
Hi, Mom.
Mom, really, I'm okay.
Well, I just said I was okay.
I am getting out there, I just--
It's just not
the time right now.
It's only been three years, Mom.
No, Mom, I don't need therapy.
Okay?
No, I don't need you
to pay for it.
Mom! God, I have money.
You know that.
Mom, I'm-- Mmm.
I'm sorry, Mom.
Please stop crying.
[dramatic music]
[low, tense music]
[sobbing]
I was gonna call it off,
but one thing led to another,
and she did before I could.
It's over.
[Erica sobbing] I'm so sorry.
[The Man] We had a miscarriage,
and things really just
were never the same.
I mean, we told each other
we'd never leave each other,
but those are just words.
[weeping, mumbling]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[sniffles] I'm so sorry...
[Erica sobbing, sniffling]
[The Man] I think this is still
really about losing the baby.
[Erica] Yeah, maybe it is.
[The Man] Well,
you're not acting normally.
Okay? This isn't normal.
We've been-- I mean,
it's been two years,
and we keep trying and trying.
I don't know what the f*ck I'm
supposed to do anymore. Okay?
[Erica] Look, I'm not blaming
you, I don't even know--
-I didn't say you're blaming me.
-[Erica] I'm blaming myself.
[The Man] Don't blame
yourself either! I just--
Look, all-- all I can try to do,
okay, is support you and
love you and tell you all the
things I'm supposed to tell you.
I don't even know what
the f*ck I'm saying anymore,
but it's just-- Look,
you just keep being selfish
and acting like you're the only
person who's lost anything.
I'm sorry.
[Erica] I don't even know
what to say to that.
[The Man] You don't-- you don't
have to say anything to that.
I just said I'm sorry, Erica.
f*ck.
[gentle instrumental music]
Maybe we've all died before
and just didn't know it.
Maybe it's like
waking up from a dream.
Then right when your
time comes,
you wake up somewhere else.
All I can think is
not only has everyone already
forgotten what I went through,
but they may never have
even thought about it.
Some days I think
someone's gonna call
and ask how I'm doing,
but that's all over.
[mid-tempo rock music]
I guess generally I'm just--
I've just been so caught up
with the news and my own
personal sh*t that I just--
I don't wanna
watch the news anymore,
and so I can't even tell
any of my friends about it.
Or, I mean, if they
even are friends. I just--
I-- I kind of think
that everyone just sort of
feels sorry for me because
of what happened with Erica,
and, I mean, I'm a grown-up, and
that sh*t happens all the time,
and, I mean,
I was gonna leave her, so...
We're talking about two
separate things here.
Yeah, but I want to talk about
what-- what I'm--
what I'm working through,
which is-- which is--
trying to figure out
how I can be 42,
and the last 20 years
of my life can be a blur
but completely consequential,
and I can't talk to anybody
about it except the person
that I pay to talk about it.
I mean, I try to talk
to my friends, and-- and--
and other people
about what I'm thinking,
but I just, I don't think--
I don't think they care.
What are some of the things that
you're telling these people?
I-- I don't want to get into it.
You quite literally
just said that you did.
What? It's too overwhelming now.
I just, I-- I was on a roll,
and you stopped me.
I didn't mean to stop you.
I just meant
to keep you on track.
I've just-- I've just been
trying to figure out
how everything got
to where it is, you know?
And it's not like
rocket science.
I mean, if...
I mean, if I look at everything
the country's been through
-ever since this fricking...
-Mm-hmm?
[whispering]
This-- This virus, you know?
And my-- my-- my premise
is that everything--
-Why are you whispering?
-Sorry.
Every-- My-- My theory is that
everything that happened
that matters for now,
happened between 9/11 and COVID,
which is like-- [clears throat]
it's 20 years-- hmm!
And I was with Erica
for 20 years, and I just--
[coughing violently]
I think you're seeing the
first step and the last step,
and they're very far apart,
but your brain is making them
feel like they are
right next to each other, hmm.
Here's what I want you to do,
and trust me, I
shouldn't be telling you this
because, as a therapist,
well, we've sort of taken
an oath to help shepherd you
towards finding your own
solutions, but I think
that you need to impose
a silence ban on yourself.
-Listen to me.
-Why are you whispering?
Do not tell these problems
to anybody else but me.
You know, somebody you trust
not to talk and blab about it.
You trust too many people
with your problems,
and the truth is,
no one gives a sh*t.
[sorrowful music]
[The Man] I'm not trying
to cause a scene.
I'm really not
all that dramatic.
I'm just obsessed
with worst-case scenarios
because I'm a filmmaker.
I mean, I'm relaxed
to the point
that I don't even put
my name on my films.
It just says, "This is a film",
and then the title.
[filmstrip whirs]
I'm certainly not John Hinckley
trying to impress Jodie Foster.
[g*nshots popping]
I still remember filming
that movie on Zuma Beach.
[sorrowful music]
This is the last time Erica
came to me to see me on set.
I didn't expect
my most popular film
to be an '80s period piece
about a jealous serial k*ller
trying to outdo John Hinckley.
I mean, people love
the coming-of-age story.
They like the guy-in-the-corner
movie,
the alcoholic-finds-his-way
story,
but nothing like the one about
the vicious lady-k*ller.
-[shutter clicks]
-Ah, there we go.
You look like a star, baby.
Nah, just messing.
But you look good.
[The Man] Erica said it was
because people like
that serial K*llers
don't hide their past.
Forgive me, Father.
I f*cked up.
[dramatic music]
I think you have to be
really good at business,
making money, because,
you know, they're loaded.
Are we talk--
we're talking about Mormons?
-Yeah, they're loaded.
-Okay. Okay.
I mean, they're, like,
carving out
the side of a mountain
right now.
[The Man] My priest
loves to gossip.
I guess that's all
they have, though.
Other people's secrets.
That's the thing, man.
Old ladies and priests,
they can't get laid,
but, man, do they love talking
sh*t about the Mennonites.
So, you have to have a--
a certain type of haircut.
The girls have to wear a bonnet,
yet they still get to drive
trucks and vehicles,
so they're not the Amish.
But, I mean, I can tell you,
nothing is more humbling
than a bad haircut.
[drum rim shot]
-You know?
-[drum rim shot]
-You just, I mean...
-Yeah.
...you look in the mirror,
you think you're, like,
you got yourself together,
and you look in the mirror,
and you're like, "Oh my gosh,
I have, like, bangs."
As a Catholic, I mean,
I think that we do
some pretty crazy things, too.
-Sure.
-[The Priest] You know.
-Yeah.
-That don't necessarily...
I don't understand,
I just kinda do it.
So maybe that's what they do.
They just don't really
understand what they're doing,
they're just doing it,
because maybe their dad did it.
Tell me, why are you here?
Uh, well, um, my therapist
wants me to go on a mute strike,
so I was thinking
that maybe we--
A mute strike?
Y-- Yeah, just, you know,
just for myself, like,
just don't talk to anybody
under any circumstance.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Really?
Well, unless I'm...
I'm sure they're not
gonna say anything.
So, uh, what's your
therapist's name?
[dramatic music]
Gail.
That's a lie.
You know, lying is a sin.
Y-- Yeah, but, okay.
But what-- what does it matter?
Like, why do you need
to know her-- his name?
[reverent organ music]
I guess I-- I really
don't need to know, really.
[coughs] So, anyway,
like I was saying,
-I just, I feel like this--
-No, actually, I lied.
Actually, it adds context.
Her name adds context.
It-- Yeah, it's a boy.
It's a boy therapist.
-I have a... boy. Guy, I mean.
-You said Gail.
[The Man] Yeah, I know.
It can be a--
-I just, I kinda panicked.
-Gail is a--
I panicked a little bit.
Gale Sayers.
Gale Sayers was a guy. He--
but he was not a therapist.
-All right. Okay. Whatever.
-[The Man] Anyway.
-Gale, my therapist--
-But you're lying.
[grunts forcefully]
My therapist wants me
to go on a mute strike.
[coughing violently]
It's all right.
It's-- Oh, COVID.
Right, okay.
I-- I've already had it.
Well, I haven't,
so I don't want it, okay?
Just because I don't have
a mask,
because this screen
right here is like a mask.
I mean, it's practically
a filter, so.
It looks like a chain-link
fence, it's-- there's no--
What do you mean,
a chain-link fence?
Did the Mennonites send you?
There's not-- Never mind.
Sorry. You're--
Man, what-- What the heck
are you doing here?
I mean, I haven't seen you
for, like, 30 years,
from back when
you were a student.
[coughs] I don't know. I, um...
Everyone's worried
about me lately,
and so they keep
agreeing to meet,
but I think it's just
to check in on me.
They don't-- are not actually
interested in actually hearing
what I have to say,
so I guess my side
of the story doesn't matter.
Holy sh*t.
Life always has this way of
seeming like it's...
just starting.
What does that mean?
[thunder booms]
[slow, ambient music
playing on stereo]
[Content Creator] The machines
have already taken over.
Right now.
They've already started.
[deep, distorted voice]
The History Repeated.
I mean, I don't even know
what to tell you anymore.
It's happening every day.
The AI starts.
It's ugly.
It's disgusting.
But then it just gets a little
bit better, and better,
and better, and better,
until it's f*ck' beautiful.
[air horn blares]
[slow motion distorted]
Accepted!
And this sh*t ain't gonna look
like no Haley Joel Osment.
[dramatic music]
[The Man] I wonder
if that's true.
I mean, what if all
our problems
really could be reduced
to blaming a computer?
They've gained sentience,
and they've gotten us to fight,
and argue, and completely
distance ourselves
from each other, I mean,
I mean, for all we know,
they could have our memories.
Because if we're constantly
giving them our information,
they're gonna know a little
something about us.
You know what I mean?
Probably more than we do.
They'd know about
my first kiss.
I was old. 21.
Yes, it was Erica, and yes,
that's embarrassing,
but if this was 1938,
I'd be pretty normal, so.
[slow jazz music]
They'd remember November, 2002.
Thanksgiving Thursday.
Day of meeting her family.
Great day. Great dinner.
But three days earlier,
George Bush signed
the Homeland Security Act,
and you know what?
We're still paying for it.
[applause]
They probably know about
every Fourth of July,
when we'd watch fireworks
from the same bridge.
Oh!
That's the one that came
right before SARS
was contained.
They'd remember the ice cream
parlor that was small,
and quaint, but always packed,
so you could never
hear each other.
We remember
Valentine's Day, 2004,
because ten days earlier, Mark
Zuckerberg started
the Facebook.
Make a profile about yourself
by answering some questions,
contact information, phone
numbers, who your friends are.
[The Man]
They'd remember August, 2005,
when I proposed,
and they'd remember
that Hurricane Katrina
was later in the week,
and you know what?
I was immediately sidetracked.
The machines
would remember, though,
that my mood was a little bit
better on New Year's Eve, 2006,
when S*ddam Hussein
had just been hung,
and that it had got me thinking
that maybe we should
have just let him live,
because the events
that led to it
were not anything--
I mean, was he even hung?
It was a cell phone video.
They'd remember
that we got married in 2010.
Yes, it was a long engagement,
but my career was about
to take off,
and there were false starts.
And for context, we were
originally gonna get married
in June of 2009,
but the stock market crashed
in November 2008,
and it just wasn't a fiscally
responsible choice.
Look, I know I made
a lot of mistakes,
and I-- I should've been
paying more attention,
but I couldn't.
I just couldn't.
We were all each other new,
and that's why I think
she was done with me
long before this
COVID sh*t happened.
Why are we arguing? It's over.
[The Man] All these memories
I ultimately share
with the robot overlords
have to go somewhere,
and that's why I'm talking
to you about them in this film.
[frenetic jazz music]
[music whirring on rewind]
Y2K unleashed a doomsday niche
to the mainstream consciousness
before commercials and media
had to come up with the next
scenario when it didn't happen.
Things are Y2-okay.
[crowd cheering]
Then it was the 2000 election,
which was decided
by less than 1,000 votes,
and we had angry citizens
demanding a recount,
showing up to government
offices demanding answers,
but then we eventually
moved on from that,
and moved on to our next
social contagion.
[reporter] Social epidemics
are going to become
far more prevalent.
We're going to have to expect
this kind of volatility,
and cycling between
two extremes.
"You're getting heartburn.
You're about to die."
"Don't you need insurance?"
[groaning]
[music whirring on fast-forward]
A plane runs
into the World Trade Center,
but the news doesn't know yet.
Zoolander's coming out,
and right in the middle
of the fireball
in the advertisement,
we cut to the fireball
in real life,
as the reporter asks...
[reporter]
[The Man] Later, an air
traffic controller asks...
[man] What kind of a plane
is that, can you guys tell?
[man 2] I don't know,
I'll read it out in a minute.
Another one just hit
the building. Wow.
[The Man] And then,
it's too late.
People run.
It's a movie, a big movie.
-[woman screaming]
-A man with a camera says...
[man] I hope I live,
it's coming down on me.
[The Man] ...as a cloud of smoke
and debris engulfs him.
[upbeat jazz music]
More people run, and no one
knows what to do.
The president has a job to do.
This is a terrible moment.
We've got a w*r, but Barry Bonds
is going for
the home run record,
and Steve Jobs
is releasing the iPhone.
What do we focus on?
Whatever the news says.
Well, this is something
I can do that's harmless.
[g*nshots popping]
[music whirring on fast-forward]
Never assume
that everything is okay.
Aah! It's been over
a year now since the attacks,
and we need that w*r.
There'll be another
election before long.
-[expl*si*n booms]
-Bombs!
Mayhem! Go that way!
[Soldier] Go that way,
right there.
S*ddam's statue is coming down,
and the mission
has been accomplished,
and now we're getting deeper.
The media and advertising
is becoming self-aware.
[groans] The media
and advertising is becoming
self-aware to what
we want the most.
Money, risk, fame.
Why are we doing
what we're doing?
Why does this anxiety make me
want to spend so much
g*dd*mn money?
A new cadre of celebrities
come onto the scene,
and tell us who they are
before we even get
a chance to know them.
It's too simple!
It can't be that simple.
In the meantime,
the plague of social media
is but a twinkle
in this man's eye.
Who knows where we're going now?
Time passes quicker,
and Rich Man Who Wants Power
is running against
Rich Man Who Has Power,
and they have a bunch
of things to say to us.
The world is more dangerous.
There's a lot of pressures.
He's trying to attack me.
I fully understand the threat.
I have a tax cut.
[The Man] Until before long,
what do you know?
Rich Man Who Retains Power
is the next president,
and everybody's chanting...
-[crowd] Four more years!
-[The Man] Four more years!
Now it's 2005.
Things are going okay, but
the media is picking up pace,
and before you know it,
a massive hurricane
hits New Orleans that we most
certainly saw coming,
could've prepared for,
but didn't.
[music whirring in slow-motion]
[music whirring in fast-forward]
Bush's hair went
from this to this,
and then, suddenly, everything
became about politics.
And this guy
came out of nowhere,
and because he said
he believed in hope and change,
-he beat this woman.
-I want to respond.
Well, it wasn't long
before the new guy
ran with the old guy,
beat the old guy
and the new girl,
because of passion,
and a comedy skit.
And I can see Russia
from my house.
[audience laughing]
And, bang! You have
the first Black president.
America's possibilities
are limitless.
[The Man] And the stock
market crashed,
and a whole new regime change,
and news media who now
has a new boogeyman.
The "Barack" is worse
than the bite.
Even though there are always
multiple people to blame, and...
f*ck! Oh, f*ck.
f*ck, I hate it.
It's too f*ck' fast.
Am I self-aware?
Am I making a f*ck' trailer
or a movie that breathes?
f*ck!
One day, these m*therf*ckers
will be lying in wait,
ready to choke your a*s
for trying to live.
-[synthetic voice] Wow!
-What?
[The Content Creator]
Yeah, you heard it.
Choke your a*s
for trying to live.
[scoffs]
[sighs dramatically]
But here's the thing.
It's like a f*ck'
Chinese trap.
All you gotta do is lay limp,
and then you get the f*ck out.
The only way to beat
psychological warfare
is spiritual warfare, man.
We gotta get spiritual, man.
[Uncle Mind] Release your fears.
Uncle Mind, oh my gosh.
[Uncle Mind] And prepare
yourself for a jaw-dropping
and emotional experience.
-[giggling]
-[Uncle Mind] Uncle Mind.
[The Man] Oh, whoa.
-[Uncle Mind] Uncle Mind.
-[The Man] The Uncle.
-[Uncle Mind] Uncle Mind.
-[snickering]
[Uncle Mind] He knows
what you're feeling.
He cares.
And he heals.
[man] That was the most amazing
thing I've ever seen.
I was just crying.
Why is he hiding his face?
I told him my darkest fears
just by looking at him.
-[snickering]
-[woman] Pay attention.
But I also told him...
Oh my gosh.
What the f*ck are the ba*ls?
What are the ba*ls?
[Uncle Mind] Talk to Uncle Mind
by appointment.
Only $19.99 for the first
five minutes.
[The Man] Oh, sh*t, oh,
I gotta f*ck' see this.
[Uncle Mind] That's right.
The healing sensation
is less than $20.
I gotta--
I gotta f*ck' see this sh*t.
Are you ser--
[gentle music]
-[sighs] I--
-Johnny, what the...
-Hi.
-Man, I'm so embarrassed.
Just-- Just don't tell
anyone, okay?
Oh, it-- it's okay.
I'm here, too.
Man, it's fine.
You think I want to broadcast
that I'm doing this?
I don't know. Maybe. P-- Promise
me you won't tell anyone.
Come on. It's fine.
Let me do-- oh!
Let me just do the spiel.
Yeah, okay. Okay.
[Johnny] Uncle Mind is the way.
The way is Uncle Mind.
The truth will be revealed,
and your secrets be sealed.
Okay, Johnny. Hey, hey, I'll--
I'll hook you up someday, okay?
Peace.
[woman] The Uncle
will be with you shortly.
The countdown to the Uncle
begins now.
Five, four, three, two, one.
[reverent music]
[The Man chuckles]
[laughs]
[The Man] Hey, Uncle.
Are you--
Can you-- Can you see me?
Are you-- Are you seeing me
right now?
Dude, am I supposed
to talk or something?
What the fu--
Blink once if you can hear me.
Okay.
Thanks, Uncle.
Was that a homeless guy?
What are you doing?
Who the f*ck was that?
W-- W-- What the f*ck?
Can you see me?
Can you see me?
Can you see me?
Uncle Mind, can you see me?
Uncle Mind, can you see me?
Can you see me, Uncle Mind?
[discordant music]
[tones slowly resolve
and become harmonious]
[bell dings]
[gentle music]
[music becomes discordant]
[The Man gasps]
Hey, hey.
-[gasps]
-Wake up.
What's wrong?
Oh.
Uh, I just, uh...
It was just a nightmare.
-You're okay.
-[sighs]
Nothing happened.
[sighs heavily]
How was the nightmare?
I don't know. I, uh...
I can't-- I can't even
remember what was happening.
I just...
It was kind of...
Forgot who I was for a second.
[sighs]
You're the father
of this baby over here.
Mm.
Four more months.
[dramatic music]
I don't think this
is gonna work out, honey.
I don't think this
is gonna work out.
I think I'm done.
I think I'm gonna leave you.
I think I'm gonna leave you.
[Erica humming softly]
What are you--
What are you humming?
[humming] I don't--
What is that?
[humming a tune]
[both humming]
Oh, it's-- it's, uh--
it's, uh...
-It's Third Eye Blind.
-Third Eye Blind.
Yeah, it's the can't--
Can't Hardly Wait song.
Or I mean, it was in the--
in the trailer.
I don't know if it was, like,
on the official soundtrack
-or whatever.
-[Erica] Hmm.
-It's a good song.
-[Erica] Mm-hmm.
It's a good match for the movie.
[Erica] Hmm.
It's a lot, like...
unrequited love.
And stuff.
[Erica] It's not a love song.
What are you talking about?
-The song?
-Third Eye Blind, the same song?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a love song.
That's why they picked it.
What are you--
[Erica] Are you serious?
I think-- I think, like,
he's gonna dump her.
[The Man] What are you talking
about? Ethan Embry? No.
Of the song? He's not--
-How's it gonna be?
-What?
It's a romantic song.
They put it in a movie
about unrequited love.
He's, like, just-- Ethan
Embry's, like, pining for her.
-It's not a love song.
-What are you talking about?
[Erica] Please.
[The Man sighs heavily]
[sighs]
-What's wrong?
-Nothing.
Honey, you have to tell me.
You have to talk to me.
I just keep thinking of you,
and me, and her,
swinging in a hammock,
-and time is standing still.
-[The Man] I know, honey.
I know. I know.
Okay, it's-- I--
it's the hammock thing.
I get it.
[gentle music]
It's not real, okay?
-This is real, okay?
-It's not gonna happen.
It's just not gonna happen
like this.
-You don't know that!
-I know it's not gonna happen!
-You don't know that, honey!
-I-- [screaming wordlessly]
[The Man] We're gonna try again.
Erica.
I know! Just stop it!
[somber music]
[Obama] We are heirs to a proud
legacy of freedom.
And we're prepared to do
what is necessary
to secure that legacy
for generations to come.
I ask that you join us
in this common mission,
for today's children,
and tomorrow's.
Thank you very much.
[Trump] The American dream
is dead.
But if I get elected president,
I will bring it back bigger,
and better, and stronger,
-than ever before.
-Hey, buddy.
[Trump] And we will make
America great again.
[reporter] Which Republican
candidate has the best chance
of winning the general
election?
Of the declared ones,
right now, Donald Trump.
[audience cheering]
What the f*ck is this, dude?
This is my new film.
No, thi-- you-- you don't tell
anybody about this.
You're-- You're not gonna be
able to explain this to anybody.
And the Mexican government...
How did you get in here?
Did you just walk in?
-Your door was wide open.
-What?
It's 2024. It was just open.
I just walked in.
Listen, I got you--
I got us both, all right,
a commercial, all right?
It's just a little commercial.
-Whoa.
-You're gonna direct it.
Uh, do-- uh, whoa.
Do I have a choice in this?
I mean, are-- is-- do--
do I get a choice?
No, absolutely not.
You're doing it.
No, I am not-- ugh! I'm not
ready to be around people.
We-- We just met at a restaurant
like, two months ago.
No, that's-- that's--
that's totally different.
I know that restaurant.
They know me.
I know everyone who-- who's--
who's a regular there.
I know the waitress.
I know she-- where she goes.
And-- and everything's clean.
You know where
the waitress goes?
What, are you following
her home?
-You don't know--
-No, I just talk to her. It's--
Nah, and you know what, it--
It-- That-- That doesn't matter.
Man, COVID's in the air.
Will you stop for-- will you--
Do you mind getting a mask--
Yeah, I mind getting you a mask.
-No, will-- no--
-I'm not gonna get you a mask.
Well, don't get f*ck'-- no,
hey, hey. What are you doing?
Dude, look at yourself.
You're acting crazy.
-Please-- you-- you are--
-I can see your d*ck.
-You're in my house!
-I can see your d*ck.
-I can see your d*ck.
-You can't--
We can't keep doing this.
You can't keep doing this, okay?
-I love you.
-Will you back up a little?
-We gotta-- look.
-Just a little bit.
-f*ck.
-There's four inches.
All right,
now you can't get COVID.
Listen, you can't be
locked in here
like a f*ck' hermit, dude.
Okay? You-- you can't be in here
just shut out from the world.
That's not what's happening.
I've just been--
I've been through a lot.
Man, you know that.
I know you've been
through a lot.
I-- really, I-- I do,
I understand it completely.
I mean, I f*cking love you, man.
Okay? But, look, look, look,
look. How about this?
Look, f*ck. Look,
what if I do this?
-Shut the f*ck up, Mom!
-[The Man] Look, f*ck.
Hey, listen, he wants full
f*ck' COVID protocols, okay?
-He wants the whole thing.
-You're not talking to anybody.
You-- I'm talk to texting,
and now your sh*t's
coming up on here,
and he's gonna get this
whole f*cking thing.
I'm not going from the start
and redoing it.
-Sorry. Okay. Okay.
-Ignore the whole thing.
He wants the whole full
COVID protocols.
Okay, but N95. N95.
-He wants M95--
-'Cause N95 is for--
Would you just-- I-- I--
how can you be so--
I'm not trying to be an as*h*le,
but this is ridiculous.
You're not trying
to be an as*h*le?
And look, the whole thing's
being recorded now.
I'm gonna have
to f*cking edit this.
I'll send this sh*t later.
You look like f*cking Nosferatu
joined a basketball game.
-God damn it, dude.
-We are drugged out.
Okay, look, this is-- this is--
this is me right now.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-This is-- this is the f*ck'--
No, this is my film!
This is the f*ck'
Unabomber's manifesto.
-This isn't a f*ck' movie.
-No.
Oh, I forgot
the f*ck' Unabomber.
God.
[The Man] What is the commercial
for?
I don't know.
It's some, like, f*ck' soap.
Dude, what does it matter, okay?
They're paying us
a sh*t-ton of money.
Okay, I'm gonna be in it.
Solo Solo's playing the music.
[The Man] Whoa, whoa, whoa,
okay, all right.
But there's someone
I want to cast.
Johnny, we finally get
to work together, man.
I'm loving it. I'm loving it.
Man, I'm stoked.
Yeah, so I'm just-- I'm just
getting caught up myself.
But, uh, the agency is doing
this thing called
vulgar advertising, where they
use, like, cussing and stuff.
Nice.
It's a detergent
called Clean As sh*t, and...
[announcer] Clean As sh*t.
So you got--
You got the script, right?
Yeah, so I don't think
we're gonna need, like
an in-person rehearsal
or anything.
Just-- you know,
just make sure that you know it
by the time we get on set, and--
I just will know it, you know,
so backwards and forwards.
I will just start
-at whatever point--
-Yeah, we'll figure it out, man.
It's-- I'm working
on this other project
that really-- I'm really,
really excited about.
It's like a--
it's like a doc on U.S. history.
-I love that.
-I was watching
through it last night.
And do you remember
when bin Laden got k*lled?
-Yeah.
-Tonight,
I can report to the American
people and to the world
that the United States has
conducted an operation
that k*lled Osama bin Laden,
the leader of Al-Qaeda.
[crowds cheering]
I can't believe-- I can't
believe it was 13 years ago,
but it's actually hilarious,
because John Cena
announced it live to an audience
and they just went nuts.
We have caught and compromised
to a permanent end,
Osama bin Laden.
[crowd shirtless]
USA! USA! USA!
But I feel damn proud
to be an American.
He's topless. He's wearing jeans
that are like
four sizes too small, and--
Anyway, the film's about,
like, coincidences,
and there was actually
a pandemic.
-Yes.
-Not -- yeah. Another one,
two years earlier that people,
we weren't prepared for either.
-Um --
-Yeah.
Health and Human Services
says hospitals
will never have enough beds
to handle a pandemic.
To be honest,
I'm not really that prepared
to be around this many people
coming up, but, um...
-Yeah.
-Are you okay wearing a mask?
Yeah, I love it.
It's so fun. It's so fun to do.
I haven't done the, uh--
the deep brain test in a while.
Ah, you can go a little deeper.
-Deeper, deeper, deeper.
-Oh, sure. Sorry.
Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Good, thank you.
So, like 15 minutes
or something?
Oh, no.
This is like five minutes, tops.
-Mm. Yeah.
-Oh, wow. Really?
I-- I only have
the 15-minute version at home,
so that's-- that's technology.
That's cool.
[clearing throating]
I tested at home,
so I should--
I should probably--
I should be good.
Well, we'll find out in four
and a half minutes, won't we?
[nervous laugh] Yeah.
Does that happen, though,
that someone, like tested
negative in the morning
and then positive
on a different testing thing?
I don't know, man.
I just do the tests,
to be honest.
Right. Sorry. Sorry.
No, no.
It's okay. It's okay.
So what happens if someone
tests positive in here?
Do you have to,
like, sit out, or...
No, no.
That's why I got this suit.
Although, uh,
I guess I technically
don't even need it, to be honest
with you.
Okay.
Because I heard, uh,
I heard, um...
I heard, Erykah Badu, like,
tested positive in one nostril
and like, negative in another,
which is, like, weird,
because you would think
that like, if it's
in your nostrils,
if you're breathing it in,
it would be in both. Right?
I just, uh-- But I've heard
also that, like, I don't know,
that there's, like, dead virus
can be in there and it can start
kind of, like...
It can start...
-[bell ringing]
-Director on set!
[applause, cheers]
[chuckling] Oh, gosh.
All right, all right, all right.
Thanks, thanks.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you. Hi. Hi.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for wearing the masks.
I know that's not a...
I-- I don't-- I don't know.
Uh, I haven't--
I haven't really been out a lot.
I know you guys
probably think I'm--
I'm real freaked out
about everything.
I just don't--
I don't want to get COVID.
So just,
stay the f*ck away from me.
Just... Uh, but ser--
But seriously, kind of stay...
Let's keep a little,
a bit of a...
Stay the f*ck away from me.
But it's good to see you.
I--I've been working on a--
a documentary I'm pretty
excited about.
It's kind of
an interesting thing.
It sort of talks about
the trajectory of America
from-- from 9/11 to COVID.
So it's like a 20-year span.
We kind of see where we've been
and where we're going
and where we are and that--
All right, guys.
Sorry, the weird speech.
It's just-- it's been a while,
but it's good to see you.
-Johnny, Johnny, good to see ya.
-You're good. You're good.
-How was the flight?
-LAX, man.
He's right, right. Yeah.
Do-- dude, do you mind... Sorry.
Can you try and get the mask up.
Did you guys...
Did they not have, like, N95s
or is that, like, a...
-Doesn't matter. I, uh--
-Do we need masks?
That's okay. Sorry, do you mind
putting the mask...
Thank you. Cool, cool, cool.
Can't wait to hear
what you guys do with the song.
It's great.
-Do you want me to double up?
-Um...
That-- that's 's okay.
I mean, that's probably okay.
No. No, we're not doubling up.
It's not 2020 anymore, bro.
No, I-- I know, I know.
They don't have a script.
Right. Let's do that.
You guys don't have--
-Wait, you don't have a script?
-No, nobody sent--
There's no script, no time.
Who-- who are you?
-I'm-- am his agent.
-My agent.
-Right.
-This is my artist.
This is a craft, man.
I got to know what I'm doing.
I don't know
what happened before--
So you got--
you got the script, right?
-Mm-hmm.
-So you come in.
Okay, so you got to...
Holy sh*t, this is
the best detergent ever.
Give me my wash, b*tch.
Give me my wash.
Give me my wash.
Um...
You should-- what's that?
Yes, it's clean as sh*t.
Stain remover. It removes any
f*cking stain you can imagine.
When he goes, does it wash
that filthy f*cking
mouth of yours?
-Oh, I'm shocked.
-What?
Does that wash that filthy
f*cking mouth of yours?
-What?
-Then you say, what?
Exactly. Perfect.
No, you say-- yeah, that works.
What am I doing?
No one's listening to me.
-Am I going crazy?
-Okay. Okay. Okay.
f*ck, you sent the script
to Jonathan, didn't I?
-Who the f*ck is this guy?
-Hey, hey, hey, man.
Looks like you're having
a lot of fun out there, man.
Yeah, definitely.
There's a lot of energy.
You doing good?
You all right?
You good?
-You pumped?
-Yeah, I'm pumped.
-I'm pumped.
-f*ck yeah, dude.
Hell yeah, man.
I gotta tell you,
I love being here because
I just f*cking love to cuss.
-You know what I mean?
-I do.
It's f*cking, dude-- dead a*s.
It's my f*cking favorite thing.
-Yeah.
-I like cussing.
f*ck, sh*t, piss.
-Oh, that's my guy.
-Hey, man,
I just want to thank you
for having me.
Of course.
Oh, Jonathan--
No.
Thank you for having me.
You are welcome.
You're welcome.
God damn!
I love this f*cking energy.
[echoing] I need to talk
to you afterwards.
Okay. Okay.
[The Man] What the f*ck
did that mean?
Oh, man, I don't know, but
that's some spooky-a*s sh*t.
That's some, like,
Get Out sh*t.
f*ck, who are you?
Oh, dude, I'm the--
I'm the ad executive.
Yeah, I'm the one
who made up all this bullshit.
Give me my wash, b*tch
Give me my wash,
give me my wash
Holy sh*t, this is the best
f*cking cleaner I've ever used.
-What's that?
-It's Clean As sh*t.
-Is this real?
-It'll f*cking
-clean any bullshit.
-Will it clean
-your filthy mouth?
-What's that?
Will it clean that
filthy f*cking mouth of yours?
-This is-- this is the internet.
-You're good.
[jazz music playing]
- [Michael] Pay attention.
-[agent] Listen.
I need quiet.
-Quiet.
-Can you do that?
Yes, sir.
Good.
Thank you, Michael.
I'm on shrooms.
-What is shroom?
-I'm-- I'm on mushrooms.
-What is that?
-I just felt like
I needed to tell you.
You need to leave.
You need to leave.
I need one more minute.
Do you want to
hear something crazy?
[electronic voice]
Five, four, three, two,
-one.
-[gasping]
[The Man] Who am I? Who am I?
I forgot who I was.
Okay, gather yourself.
You're a filmmaker.
You're on set.
Is this a commercial?
This isn't like an ad
I see on TV or the internet.
I'm imagining this.
Who am I?
This is the kind
of job I missed
so much time with Erica for?
This is the same kind of job
I missed so much time
with Erica for?
I have other things to do.
I need distance.
I need to walk.
I'm sure
my blood pressure's high.
There's a woman I pass.
I have to finish my movie.
Fighting for my [bleep] life.
Y'all killin' me with
this [bleep]!
I'm creating art
and I'm gathering myself.
I'm creating art
and I'm gathering myself.
It's all I can do.
I'm a filmmaker.
This is real.
Reality is real.
I'm scattered, but it's real.
This is real.
I don't care
what anybody thinks.
I have to share what
I'm thinking
or else I'm really
gonna go crazy.
We're all over the map
and back again, right?
In 2000, we got Bush.
Is this okay to talk about?
Is this okay to, like... I can--
You've got this whole 9/11 thing
going on and it's crazy
and he's quote-unquote
shepherding us through that.
And then, like, we go from Bush
to Barack Obama and that's like,
whoa, this is something new.
And so, we-- we-- we--
We get him in there
and we think he was still--
Obama was still, like,
k*lling pirates.
[rapid g*nf*re]
And then we go from him
to Trump who, like...
I mean, Donald Trump is
like a reality star.
Like, we knew him.
He was in Home Alone 2.
We knew who he was and what
we were getting, like...
It's kind of--
it's kind of crazy.
And then we go from Trump--
we go to Joe Biden who's like--
I mean, it's crazy.
Just watched this happen.
And Biden is, again,
a career politician from
ever since Vietnam.
We went right back to
the establishment.
We will follow you
to the end of the earth.
This cycle is so weird to see
because we go from
Warhawk Bush, right?
We go from Warhawk Bush
to Peace and Love Obama
to like, like...
like, just evil
m*therf*cker f*cking
f*ck f*cking--
f*cking c*ck f*ck as*h*le
son of a b*tch Donald
f*cking c*ck Trump
-and-- and it just...
-[exhaling heavily]
[man] f*ck yeah.
-f*ck yeah.
-That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
-f*ck yeah!
-That's it.
And... where are
you going with this?
No, I'm just, I'm just like,
you know, I'm just saying.
I'm going to be getting calls
from people after this
talking about you,
talking about conspiracies,
so I'm just worried about
what that implicates.
What does that implicate?
Wait, what conspiracies?
There's no reason for you
to be talking about Dr. Fauci
and the World Economic Forum
when you're filming
a soap commercial.
No, oh, no, no.
No, I think
you're misunderstanding.
I'm just talking about
a project that I'm working on.
I just told
a couple people about it.
It's nothing...
[stammering] It's nothing.
Project?
I didn't-- I haven't--
I haven't...
told you about it yet, I just--
I'm thinking about doing
a documentary
about the trajectory of
the United States from
9/11 to COVID shutdowns
and it just--
it doesn't--
it doesn't have any--
it's just entirely
archival footage,
it's entirely chronological,
it doesn't have
any political opinion
except to just talk about
how we went from a united nation
to a divided nation and kind of
track
where we are from 2020 and it--
No, it was hard enough
to get this set up
so that everybody had
to get tested
-and wear a mask.
-No, I know,
that's what I'm trying to show
with the documentary.
There is no documentary.
I know it's been four years
since you've worked
and that this is all
a big change for you,
but the only difference
between an eccentric artist
and an out-of-work artist
is one wacky opinion.
Let's just keep you as
the working eccentric artist.
Yeah?
[fast-paced instrumental]
[Johnny] You've been struggling,
man, I can see that.
We all have.
Some people hide it,
but I--
I found a way to...
feel everything
and show nothing.
Do you want to
hear something crazy?
I'm one of the only people
on the Western Hemisphere
who has control
over his own thoughts.
We're going through
a massive magnetic shift, man.
We thought all this
internal turmoil was the virus.
It's not, it's a force.
This magnet, it hangs in the air
and it seduces
weak-minded people
and makes them depressed
and erratic.
Does that sound familiar?
No. It's not the virus.
No, it's not the pills,
the wireless fidelity,
the corn syrup,
the dextrinization.
It's mind control.
With the magnets. Yeah.
Did you know
that electronic waves
literally ooze through
the vents of our computers?
That interfaces with the magnets
and it leaves people helpless.
But me?
I know about it,
so I have all the power I want.
But that only reaches so far.
The global brain is so
powerfully balanced
that once you know about it,
you can't possibly be
a part of it.
So then, on the way to set
today, I was thinking...
what if I told someone else?
Then maybe together,
we could be powerful enough
to be part of it.
Then we could see
these waves of thought,
these dangerous waves of thought
that threaten our existence.
And then it would be
on our shoulders
to find other people like us
to save humanity,
even if they don't know
what it is until they see it.
Taxes.
Healthcare.
Basketball arenas.
They'll keep society organized.
But...
what if everybody...
had free will?
What would happen?
I don't know. Might not be good,
but what would happen?
I think it would be anarchy.
Anarchy!
So this magnetic shift,
it's happening for
the next millennium,
so now we finally have
the chance to take power back.
Right?
But then I was thinking,
unfortunately,
everybody wants to be
the front man,
but sometimes you just
gotta f*cking sit back
and be the drummer
from Maroon 5.
You remember him?
Uh, I...
Matt Flynn.
Matt Flynn.
OG band member.
He's been in the band since '06.
You didn't know that.
Admit it.
-No, I--
-Admit it.
I-- I-- I didn't know that.
It's been great
working with you.
Oh, yeah, you too.
I'm not feeling well.
It's probably COVID.
[coughing]
[tense instrumental]
f*ck! f*ck!
sh*t.
Oh, my God.
[sighing]
[laughing]
[sighing]
[quiet piano instrumental]
[breathing heavily]
I got the e-mail.
Oh, God, I don't have it.
I don't have it.
I don't have it.
Oh...
Oh.
I gotta stay away from you.
Why? What does yours say?
Oh, uh...
Look...
it's fine.
You're young.
We're in good shape.
It doesn't--
It's-- it's mostly...
older people and--
and babies, so it's fine.
It's fine.
We'll figure it out.
I have breast cancer.
What? Are you...
[Erica] Breast cancer.
Since when do
you have breast cancer?
January.
Uh, you didn't--
You didn't tell me?
[Erica] I'm telling you now.
Uh, um...
Uh, sorry. What-- what?
What's happening right now?
What are you--
-I'm sorry.
-[The Man] What--
You...
-[stammering]
-You didn't even notice.
Notice what?
You didn't tell me!
You didn't tell your husband!
It wouldn't have mattered.
If you've been home with me,
you haven't been getting
treatment, Erica.
Talk! Will you talk?
Will you say something?
It wouldn't have mattered.
You have COVID now!
-You have COVID!
-It wouldn't have mattered.
It wouldn't have mattered.
Uh, uh...
Uh...
Hold-- hold-- hold-- uh...
It's over.
It's over. It's over.
-It's over.
-Stop it.
Stop saying that.
[The Man] Erica...
-I--
-You can't come near me!
I just want to hug you.
I want to hug you.
You can't come with me.
-I don't--
-We're outside.
I don't think I can get--
I just--
I want to--
-Just--
-No! No.
[Erica sobbing]
[Erica groaning]
[indistinct]
-[Erica] I'm gonna go.
-Okay.
Okay. Okay.
[The Man] Funeral Service
Commission recommendations
for funeral practitioners
during the COVID-19 outbreak.
The following recommendations
utilize funeral service
and funeral service
education best practices
to keep the funeral home staff,
their families,
and the families
whom they serve
safe from COVID-19 exposure.
When making a removal from
the local medical examiner
slash coroner office
or hospital,
the remains most likely will be
enclosed in a body bag.
Please follow a hospital
or county facility's
recommendations
about not opening the bag
until the remains
are transferred
to the funeral home
or designated location.
Each funeral home staff member
should place nitrile gloves on
prior to handling any sort--
set of remains.
Once the remains
are secured in the vehicle...
-[phone ringing]
-...the gloves may be removed
and some type
of hand sanitizer can be used
in the event
a handwashing station
is not available prior
to completing the transfer.
Erica?
No, uh, what do you mean,
it's over?
Erica? What--
Funeral service activities.
The following
subsections address
two specific modalities
of conducting funeral services.
Well, I need to--
I need to come see her.
I'm her husband and you need
to let me come see her.
Livestreaming service.
[tense instrumental]
Will you please put my wife
back on the phone?
Will you please put my wife
back on the phone?
Will you please put my wife
back on the phone?
Will you please put my wife
back on the phone?
Will you put my wife
back on the phone, please?
Will you put my wife
back on the phone, please?
Will you put my wife
back on the phone, please?
[doorbell ringing]
[doorbell ringing]
[breathing tearfully]
[sighing]
[exhaling]
[exhaling] It's over.
-Hey.
-Hi.
Oh, I just walked--
I'm sorry.
I didn't--
Sorry, I was
just reading an email.
I just walked
onto your property.
-I'm sorry.
-Come on over.
-Wow.
-I don't know if
you remember this,
we talked a long time ago
at that Christmas party.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. No, no, yeah.
I think that was
like six years ago.
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
Hey, you don't
have your mask anymore.
Oh, no--
Oh, sh*t. I'm sorry.
No, I just had COVID,
so I should be okay,
but I can put it on if you want.
Oh, hey, no, it's fine.
I've been on it.
I just-- since I just had it,
I don't think I-- but I--
are you sure?
No, it's so nice
not to have it, please.
-Right. I'm sorry.
-It's okay.
-It's good to see you.
-Hey.
Go ahead. Sorry.
No, it's just, it's nice--
It's good to, uh...
-see you.
-See you again. Yeah.
What are you up to today?
Nothing.
I mean, I've been up
to nothing for a long time.
-Yeah.
-I mean, I did--
I did just finish something.
Hm.
I-- No, I-- I--
I'm a film,
like a film guy, person.
I make movies.
I'm a filmmaker.
I'm a filmmaker. Sorry.
-What?
-[The Man] Sorry.
I do this like John C. Reilly
impression. It's bad.
John C. Reilly impression
sometimes for no reason.
-I should've done that.
-Yeah, I don't know him
-that well.
-John Stamos.
John Stamos?
-[The Man] Yeah. No.
-I know John Stamos.
-Uh.
-I actually do know--
Never mind. It's not--
Like we're not on
good terms or anything.
It's just, so, um, no.
You, uh,
you said you finished a movie?
Like you,
you just finished a movie?
Yeah, but no, I'm getting, I'm
like getting in trouble for it.
It's not anything you would
ever want to see ever, so.
Oh, really. Why not?
Is it like n*zi sh*t?
No, it's not n*zi sh*t.
It's not--
It's-- No, it's,
uh, it's not n*zi sh*t.
-I know.
-Okay.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Okay. It's kind of, um,
a documentary of sorts
about the years 2000 to 2020.
It kind of tries to tell
the story of America from 9/11
to COVID, but it does
it using archival footage.
It's in chronological order--
I'm doing a terrible
job of explaining it.
Can I see it on iTunes or?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not ever,
ever going to be released.
No one's ever going to see it.
You would probably hate it
and you would, yeah.
Never going to be released?
No, the only, the only, yeah.
I mean, it's like at my house
in the screening room,
-is the only place that.
-Okay.
Um, which I can show you, but
like, that's a terrible idea.
So, I should not ever,
because you would never
-want to talk to me again.
-No, actually
I would love to see it.
I would love to.
You would probably hate it.
You're not doing
anything tonight, right?
You said you're not
doing anything.
-Yeah.
-Uh...
Because we keep running
into each other
and you've invited yourself
on my property.
-[The Man] Bleh.
-[chuckling]
Sure, why not?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
[soft piano music]
[garage door whirring]
-Hi.
-Hi.
-[chuckling]
-Here.
Uh, come on.
[Hilary Duff] To all you young
millennial assholes
that keep going out
and partying, go home.
If I get corona, I get corona.
[Andrew Cuomo]
It's insensitive.
-What is there to do here?
-It's arrogant.
Welcome to Miami!
It's self-destructive. It's
disrespectful to other people.
Virus ain't that serious.
And it has to stop
and it has to stop now.
This is not a joke
and I am not kidding.
[reporter] The IRS has already
started depositing
economic impact payments,
or what some are calling
stimulus checks,
into people's bank accounts.
[Donald Trump] If everyone makes
these critical changes
and sacrifices now, we will
rally together as one nation
and we will defeat the virus
and we're going to have
a big celebration all together.
[reporter] For the first time
in nearly two decades,
a month went by with
no school shootings.
[man] Trying to protect
ourselves from t*rrorists,
flus and viruses.
You gotta
just protect everybody.
[reporter]
Social distancing slows
the spread of coronavirus,
so stay a minimum of
six feet away from others
and stay home if you can.
[Fauci] Six feet distance,
no restaurants,
no bars, no sports events.
Absolute compulsive
hand washing.
You don't
ever shake anybody's hands.
I don't think we ever should
ever shake hands ever again,
to be honest with you.
Sounds crazy,
we're never shaking
hands again?
I did it almost a little bit
tongue in cheek,
but not really.
There was
a bit of reality to that.
[woman]
Let's all do our part
because we're all
#alone together.
It's amazing.
[man] It is the very definition
of a moral system.
The regulation of self-interest
to make cooperative
societies possible.
Our society, our America.
The weirdest thing
has happened.
By staying apart,
we've never been more together.
[The Man exhaling]
[The Woman chuckling]
-Huh?
-That was so good.
-I'm serious.
-You don't--
you don't have to say that.
Man, you know, it's like...
I lived through all that,
but I'm like,
-I forgot it, you know?
-Yeah.
[The Woman]
But who's going to watch it?
You have to, like, edit it
together, cohesively,
so it makes sense and
we can see the cause and effect.
Like, that's...
That's kind of like a service to
humanity.
-[The Man chuckling]
-Right?
-Um.
-[The Woman] But I'm serious.
-I lived through all of that...
-No, yeah, you don't--
[The Woman] ...but some of that
stuff, like the 9/11 stuff,
I'm like...
I just saw my whole adult life
flash before my eyes.
[The Man chuckling]
Um...
I-- I should tell you something.
Um, it's-- it's-- it's--
It's bugging me
and I think I should just--
I should just--
I should be honest. Um...
Okay.
My-- my wife died and it's...
It's been really hard on me
and, um...
and I kind of-- I kind of
went crazy
for a little bit, and, um...
But I-- I-- I-- I feel better
and I-- I'm doing
better now, I think.
I know.
I mean, I know your wife died.
I saw it on TV.
[The Man] Oh, right.
Yeah, I just, I, uh...
I never-- I never think
anyone knows anything about me.
Yeah. It's okay.
I should tell you
something, too.
Okay. Uh, go ahead.
My husband died too in 2019.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry for you, too.
Yeah, I understand.
I woke up one day and
he was lying next to me
and I leaned over...
to kiss him and...
ever since we've been together,
he'd always feel me.
Yeah.
[The Woman]
He'd always kiss me back.
It's really weird not getting
to say goodbye, you know?
[The Man] It's okay.
[contemplative orchestral music]
[stairs creaking]
[door squeaking]
-[distant waves crashing]
-[insects chirping]
-[low rumbling]
-[eerie music]
[The Man shakily breathing]
[The Man breathing deeply]
[serene music]
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