01x04 - Geld oder Liebe

[bunniefuu]

Drive now! Just honk, Michael!

-Then it'll be quicker?

-Honking is important!

No, I don't honk.

-Hey, I'm driving, okay?

-With my car. This is my horn.

Then you can drive.

That's right, you're not allowed to.

-My license, my rules.

-Yes, mine, mine.

It was already like that

when you were little.

You just started it.

-And always quick to blame others.

-Always quick to distract from yourself.

Very important: Don't ever accept

anything I say or learn from me.

-What should I learn from you? Honking?

-Nope. For example,

to draw attention to yourself,

to point out problems

-and to assert yourself.

-Just making noise about yourself.

Michael, honking is a human right.

-What?

-That is

freedom of expression.

You see? He got it.

Good for him. Thank you.

Honking doesn't change the traffic jam.

Fewer cars change things.

No, fewer idiots in cars

stop traffic jams.

Globally speaking, driving is

much more harmful than flying.

-Nonsense. No.

-Yes.

-No.

-Feel free to learn something from me.

Okay. Then from now on

we'll deliver with a helicopter.

-At least it doesn't have a horn.

-Yes.

So

-What are you doing?

-What am I doing? Expressive dancing.

What does it look like?

Are you serious?

Yes. What do you mean "Are you serious"?

Do you think I'm doing this for fun?

As if anyone would steal the clunker.

This isn't a clunker.

You have to be very careful in this area.

-They'll steal your pants as you walk.

-I think it looks nice.

Nice? Here?

Dad, prejudices divide society.

My son, wise guys like you

are dividing society.

VIKTOR

DELIVERS

Well, come on.

Don't shuffle your feet like that.

-Help me instead of bitching at me.

-At your age, I'd carry two of them.

And one just with your big mouth.

Oh God.

Hello?

Hello?

Viktor Bringt's here,

because of the deep fryer.

-I need to go to the bathroom, okay?

-What? Again?

My cereal,

the linseed doesn't agree with me.

Two raw ground meat rolls and a malt beer

in the morning, then it works.

"You never know how much

it means to you until it's gone.

Toilet paper."

sh*t.

Don't move!

-I'd have paid for the beer.

-Hand over the money.

-Open the cash register.

-It's a misunderstanding.

-I don't work here.

-Don't mess with me.

-I'm not.

-Hand over the money.

Don't move!

Okay, but if I can't move now, then

Shut up!

-Can I answer this?

-No.

-Could be important.

-Open the cash register.

I'll try to explain it, okay? So,

-we came this morning

-"We"?

No. I, I!

I just wanted to say I am me.

It also says "Viktor Bringt's" here.

I'm Viktor. I'll bring it all by myself.

Are you trying to annoy me?

I've got a g*n.

I saw, definitely. Again.

I, by myself, came

with my deep fryer today.

-Deep fryer?

-Yes.

Deep fryer, it's a technician thing.

A personal relationship

-develops with

-What?

I come, bring, and install equipment.

Sometimes I repair something,

but that's rare now.

Shut up. The money. Quick. But slowly.

Yes!

Want me to sh**t you?

I can sh**t you. Want me to sh**t you?

Absolutely not. Please don't.

Once more, calm down now.

-I don't know where the money is.

-Don't mess with me!

I don't work here, for God's sake.

That can't be true. What's this?

Sorry.

Maybe I'll pack up my things, leave

and then you can do whatever you want?

Dad, here's one for you.

"She said, 'Beer or me.'

Sometimes I miss her."

Stop being funny, you clowns.

I just went to the bathroom.

Why didn't you warn me?

CLOSED

-I warned you.

-Great. What do we do now?

-I have a plan.

-Please no.

-Do you know the Stockholm syndrome?

-Quiet!

-That's something different.

-Michael,

from now on, no matter what happens,

you just say "Yes."

Okay.

-What are you supposed to say?

-Yes. I got it. Yes!

A question.

If we were to do it like this,

he can go now and I'll stay here.

That will be enough.

He won't say anything anyway.

-You won't say anything?

-Yes.

-No. Sorry, of course not.

-That's the problem.

-The boy is a bit childish.

-What are you talking about?

-I am 24 years old.

-24 today is like 17 back then.

What?

-Yes, it's true. At 24 I was like 30.

-And now you are basically 60?

No, because it changes. Well

50 is 49. So, if you do the math

-That makes no sense.

-Yes, it does.

No, it doesn't,

but Dad rarely cares about sense.

-He is your dad?

-Yes.

-Hmm.

-Yes, "hmm." I heard that. Thanks.

Didn't you want to

empty the cash register?

Don't tell me what to do!

-Aggressive guy, your dad.

-Welcome to my world.

Open the cash register.

-Open the cash register.

-Yes.

Yes, I would like to.

Really. But I don't work here.

I've been trying

to explain that to her for hours.

Very successfully.

And I'm being aggressive? He criticizes me

about raw ground meat rolls

Here we go again.

I've told you to take care of yourself.

There is only garbage in those rolls.

-Do you like them?

-With onions?

-Of course!

-Sure!

There!

-I always say, you are what you eat.

-Leek!

-Raw pork hedgehog!

-Quiet!

-Hey, how about

-If you don't shut up

Hello.

Didn't you read that sign out there.

It's actually closed today.

I'll tell you. This weather, yes?

The air pressure. Do you understand?

So whenever the air pressure is like that,

then I can feel my big toe.

And when I feel my big toe,

then I feel my knee,

then my hip. Can you feel your hip, too?

Yes, I'm telling you. You know

I don't have to wear a mask anymore.

Dr. Obermann confirmed that,

it's because of my heart, you know.

I have to take eight pills a day.

Eight of them.

Every day. Yes.

-Yes.

-Okay.

And now I'd like some liqueur.

If you want you get liqueur.

What would you like?

Here we have a pine liquor

made of pine cones.

Very digestible, nice and soft.

-I want to drink it, not rub it in.

-It's a good one.

I want some cherry liqueur.

-Cherry liqueur. I have honey, too.

-She wants a cherry liqueur.

Then she'll get some cherry liqueur.

Pretty full, yes.

Yes, yes. Cheers.

So, now I want to or have I

Now I don't know

Did I take my pills

against forgetfulness or not?

Maybe you shouldn't drink alcohol

with them?

A fox got to do what a fox got to do.

-What was I looking for now?

-Your wallet?

Oh yes, right.

I have to also visit my father later.

Your father?

Yes, but he's difficult. I'm telling you,

my goodness, is he difficult.

He's a know-it-all

and he treats me like a little child.

-I know someone like that.

-Me too.

The Eskimos, they take their old ones and

put them on an ice floe and off they go

-Smart, isn't it?

-Today, we say "Inuit."

-You're such a Brainy Smurf, aren't you?

-Welcome to my world.

The E-word means raw meat eater

and that's pretty discriminatory.

It's not really true like that, Michael,

I read about that.

-You? Read?

-Yes, I read, imagine that.

-The soccer newspaper?

-That too.

That was in the doctor's waiting room.

There was a magazine.

I read that Eskimo isn't what

he just said, it means snowshoe braider.

-Snowshoe braider?

-Snowshoe raider?

Snowshoe braider.

Snowshoe braider?

At least you've learned

something, Brainy Smurf.

-Who are they?

-Father and son.

-Father.

-Son.

Could you pour some now?

I had You just had

-Are you bullshitting me?

-No.

Fill it up nicely, yes?

Good

At this time of day?

Yes.

-I don't know what I was looking for.

-Your wallet.

Yes, then I just have to find it.

-You know what, I'll pay.

-No.

-Yes.

-That's nice.

There are still young people

who show respect for their elders.

Do you have 20 euros for a taxi?

You know, my hip, when the air pressure

is like this, I can't walk so well.

-I only got ten.

-I'll take that, too.

-You have some, too?

-I have a fiver.

I'll take it.

-And you?

-Yes, what, Michael?

Wow, that's nice.

-Well then. Have a nice day now.

-Yes, yes

-She totally conned us.

-Maybe she got it and calls the police.

If she hasn't already forgotten.

TODAY

CLOSED FOR REAL!!!

No chance.

Thing doesn't open.

Bars in Germany are now

being robbed in broad daylight.

-Berlin is not Germany, Michael.

-Nope.

-We're always a little ahead.

-Ahead?

Here you can see early on

what won't work in the future.

-Women are now robbing bars.

-Don't you like women?

-Me?

-Women can also rob bars.

-Yes, theoretically but

-No but! That's totally sexist!

No, that's not sexist, that's statistical.

Statistically speaking,

there are about six b*ll*ts left in here.

We can try it together,

or is a g*n not for a woman either?

-That doesn't help.

-Help him!

-Sorry.

-What's the point of that?

As if it'd help, seriously.

I tried already, he can't do it either.

-Try it, open this thing up.

-What do you mean?

-Okay, it won't open.

-There.

Hey, guys, there's a key.

I know there's a key, but it won't move.

I can drill it open.

Should I drill it open? No problem.

-Have you got the drill?

-Me?

-Yes, you, Michael.

-We're delivering a deep fryer,

-why do we need a drill?

-Good technicians

always have one with them.

Because we're drilling

cash registers during robberies?

-There is no drilling!

-I'll pry it open then.

-Get the pointed screwdriver.

-Seriously?

Get a flat tip screwdriver, Michael.

I want to go home.

-You're committing a crime.

-I don't give a damn.

Now go and get the thing.

-What are you doing?

-I'm getting it!

-It's really hard to help you. Really.

-What are you doing?

-Opening it!

-You'll break

-It's jammed.

-It's not jammed.

-May I? Thank you.

-With pleasure.

Yes, like this it's easy.

-What can you actually do?

-Run!

Mika! Michael!

Want me to sh**t you?

No!

What was that about?

Are you completely stupid?

-Are you okay?

-And you?

Yes. Would you have really just

let yourself be shot for me?

Of course.

Crazy.

Hello.

Doesn't anyone read the f*cking sign?

I just want to look if my pants are here.

I could swear

I forgot them here yesterday.

Did you happen to see some khaki pants?

No.

Khaki. What is that? Is it brown or what?

No, more like yellow.

-No, khaki is more like olive green.

-No, it's

Are you serious now?

There's some kind of

"lost and found" back there.

True.

Yes, then please. Let's go.

Curious

What have we got there?

I've been looking for it for ages.

The good old khaki pants.

-Are masks compulsory again?

-Sick.

I see.

Well, say hello to your father for me.

See you later, alligator.

-You pay your debts.

-With what?

What?

Father?

Yes, my father owns the pub, okay?

Yes

Sorry, okay?

What are you looking at?

Stockholm syndrome?

You are robbing your father's pub?

No, not at all. How was I to know

I'd meet two geniuses.

You seem to hate your father quite a bit.

As if.

It's good, right?

My esophagus.

This is normal, it will pass soon.

But why?

-It's a bit complicated.

-Well, fathers.

Fathers only want the best for you.

No, but what you think is best for us.

Yes, absolutely.

-That's not true.

-Yes, it's true.

I once read that children argue

so much with their fathers

because they need someone to rub against.

Who disagrees with them.

And they can find themselves

by setting boundaries.

What? Disagreeing. Boundaries. No idea.

And what about the mothers?

They argue differently.

-My father is such a stubborn person.

-Mine too.

I'm not. I am sure of my opinions.

My father was robbed three times

in the last six months. Three times!

-That's why you're robbing him?

-Yes.

But it's the fathers' fault?

I talked to him like crazy.

"But Joy, people love my pub.

They need places where

they can forget the madness out there.

Everything is still good here."

Let me tell you, nothing is good.

So I made a deal with him.

If the pub is robbed again this month,

it's over. Then he sells it.

-Okay, and he agreed to that?

-Sure. He always thinks he knows better.

Thursdays, I take over for two hours and I

knew the deep fryer would be delivered.

Well, I can't really rob myself, right?

"It was so terrible, Officer.

-"I hid in the bathroom.

-What's happening?

"And then the robber forced

the two technicians

"to open the cash register.

-"I was afraid he would find me

-Calm down.

-"Do something to me."

-Everything's okay.

Respect. You're really very good.

I knew immediately.

And this?

-That's a g*n that shoots blanks.

-A blanks g*n?

I want to act, but my father thinks

I should study first.

And that's right.

No, not at all.

I think a real degree

is totally overrated.

-What? I thought you liked studying.

-I don't know.

I thought I knew what I wanted,

but since I've come to Berlin

-I don't know.

-It's Berlin.

If you don't enjoy college anymore,

then you could join me

Hands up!

Don't move.

-What? They are not real, right?

-Drop the g*n!

g*n on the floor!

That's a misunderstanding. Ouch.

Headquarters, we have

the suspected perpetrator.

Just because I'm a man, right?

That's sexist, Michael.

No, that's statistical.

Hey guys, he's not the perpetrator.

-And who are you?

-His son.

-What a shitty day.

-You can say that again.

-We have an accomplice.

-I'm not his accomplice.

-Why aren't you an accomplice now?

-They are no criminals.

And you are?

The daughter!

-Of the owner.

-Nobody plans to rob anyone here.

We need reinforcements,

the situation is confusing here.

-"Situation is confusing"?

-It makes no sense.

So pissed off again.

Because you're not listening properly.

I did listen properly.

But the old lady was totally confused.

-You are confused.

-I'm not confused. I'm hungry.

-Again?

-Fries?

-No.

-Yes.

Hey, thanks for not saying

anything about

You know.

Of course.

The fries are really delicious.

But maybe it would be cool

if you offered sweet potato fries?

They're delicious also.

And it's just a bit healthier.

It's not easy for you

having a son like this.

I like my Brainy Smurf.

What I wanted to say about your father,

I understand that you're worried and that

you want to protect him and everything.

But if he feels comfortable here

and is happy

then

Yes.

I just thought

And by the way,

what I said earlier, the offer stands.

You can start with me at any time.

Yes, that would be great.

You with all your knowledge

and I with my

practical, real knowledge. That together.

We would make a great team. Not even

Ronja the Robber's Daughter could stop us.

Yes, but

No. Well, that doesn't really suit me.

Okay.

I just thought.

No problem.

If you ate a little healthier,

then you'd have more energy.

Yes, woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Listen

We shouldn't think

all hairdressers are women.

Why do we think they want appliances?

Isn't that sexist?

To make that assumption?

-You know

-Because it's for the kitchen

And that's why it's sexist

See, I'm right.

-Yes.

-No deep fryer.

-Worth investigating.

-No deep fryer.

-It

-No deep fryer.

I like how you think.

IN THE MEANTIME IN

BERLIN-LANKWITZ

Hello. How can I help?

I want to open the refrigerator.

Confucius says, "Often what you seek

is already within you."

Pardon?

The refrigerator opening times are from

11:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.

and 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.

Intermittent fasting active.

-I need oat milk.

-Oat milk status: available.

I need oat milk for my coffee.

Oat milk status: available.

The refrigerator opening times are from

11:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.

-and 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.

-For real?

Intermittent fasting active.