01x01 - Welcome to the Crevice

[bunniefuu]

Oh, f*ck.

What?

What do you want?

Hey, Viv.

Grandad's dead.

You coming?

My episode's up next.

No, I need to go.

Floor's a bit wet.

And your hairdryer's broken.

Whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
she likes peas and carrots,

she just doesn't
like em together.

You're gonna have to
plate 'em up separately.

Oh. No, potato.

Yeah, no, the only way
that bad boy's going in

is on an airplane spoon.

Oh, I gotta go.

Just make the propeller noise.

Sorry.

Laura's on, uh, lunch duty.

You look like sh*t.

And you think
you look good, do you?

Oh.

Can you believe it?

One minute he's
calling to explain

how to set up a washing machine,

the next he's just
not here anymore.

It's been like this
since it happened.

Oh, hey, I got us yogurts,

like the ones he
used to give us.

Thought it'd be nice.

Used to give them
to the twins, too.

Yeah, I never
really liked those.

Here.

How'd it happen?

Died in his sleep.

Of course he did.

That's so f*cking classy.

Hm.

They said when they found him,

he had a big smile on his face.

Yeah, well they would
say that, wouldn't they?

They're not going to tell
you your grandfather died

looking like Gollum.

How are you doing?

Okay.

I know he meant a lot to you.

Yeah, well he meant
a lot to everyone.

Yeah, well, I feel like
as I've gotten older,

I've developed a really
healthy emotional tap.

But you?

You tend to make Lord
of the Rings jokes

about our dead grandfather

and then you let it out later
in a slightly unhealthy way.

He was 82 and he
died in his sleep.

That's sort of the dream.

Doesn't mean it's not sad.

What are we doing here anyway?

Doesn't all this will stuff
happen after the funeral?

Oh, you know John.

He likes to compartmentalise
his mourning.

We do admin first,
then we grieve.

Wait. John organised this?

Yeah. Why? sh*t!

What? I thought you two
sorted all that out.

Yeah, we did. In our way.

You have spoken to
him since, right?

Oh, my God. Vivian!
It's been a week!

I've been busy!

Doing what?

Both all right?

Nice to see you again, Vivian.

I'll just wait right here

while you finish
your children's food.

Oh.

Oh, Jesus.

Greetings!

Sorry about the wheels.

Had my hip replaced.

How fast can that thing go?

As fast as you like.

You just close your eyes
and use your imagination.

I hate to be a pain,

but I have to be back
at the office at 2:00,

so the will?

- There is a will?
- Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

All pretty straightforward.

May I say first how sorry I was
to hear about your grandfather.

He was a great man,
with a mean swing.

Thank you so much.

The assets?

As your
legal guardian,

he decided to
divide them equally

between the three of you.

As you know, there
wasn't much money,

but he did have
some items of value.

Now Hendrix,

you shall receive
Fred and Ginger,

his beloved golf clubs.

Oh!

And John,

Walt's Zero-Gravity Heated

Shiatsu Massage recliner chair.

Lucky chap.

And, uh...

Vivian.

You are now custodian

of his cliffside property
near Dalton's Crevice.

I... I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I thought you just
said that, uh,

that the assets were
being divided equally?

Three ways, yes.

I'm just
struggling to understand

how a heated shiatsu massage
recliner chair equates

to an entire
waterfront property.

Perhaps Walt wasn't
considering monetary value.

Mm. Mm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

I don't wish to speak
ill of a dead man, but...

What? But... but... but...

But sometimes he
made bad decisions.

John... And... and I'm not sure

that Vivian is capable,

nor entirely deserving,

of looking after a
property right now.

Are you serious? She's broke,

and, um, last week, she
burnt down my food truck

with a cigarette...
It was a f*cking vape!

All right, guys, how about
we wait until we get out...

It was an
accident. Right.

Does smoking a
bacon-flavoured vape

in a vegan food truck
sound like an accident?

It doesn't.

It sounds
passive-aggressive, actually.

You know,
I gave her a job

out of the goodness of my heart.

The thing goes up
and she just legs it.

No, I didn't. I
tried to put it out.

Really, Vivian? Really?

Why didn't you call me?

Where have you been?

At home.

I had to
ask the fireman

to look for your remains with
the burnt-up kimchi and hummus.

You know, now that
we've talked this out,

I think it may be better

if Vivian just
sells the property,

- pays me the proceeds.
- What?

We can't just sell his house!

Why not?

Because it was his house.

Oh, so that... so that means
something to you now, does it?

Because I was the
one that cared.

I was the one that visited.

You've never even been there,

and sat with him in that...

Well then, we can't just sh*t

all over his final wishes so
you can pay for a stupid van.

It's not
about the van...

Then what's it about?

It's...
Please, tell us,

before that head
of yours snaps off

from all the f*cking nodding.

It's... it's... What?

It's about everything!

It's about you being
an irresponsible twat

who hasn't even dried
her hair for this.

It's dripping all
down your back.

What do you think?

I... I'd rather not say.

I am so sorry.

All
right. Siblings, eh?

No matter how old you get,

you still act like
ferrets in a sock

when you get together.

Yeah.

Young Vivian! Didn't
take you as punctual.

Well, what do you think?

I think it's different
to the others.

Ah, yes. But look
at the character.

Come on, chop-chop.

View's even more
charming on the inside.

Oh!

That's handy.

Right, well, here we are.

Oh.

They don't move these
things when people...

No, no.

They don't move anything.

You're family.

You decide what
you want to keep.

And...

These are yours.

Should we take a
gander at the yard?

He was building a
pergola, apparently.

Didn't quite get
around to finishing it.

I've been told that the view's
not too bad through those trees.

Go ahead.

Seems a bit unnecessary.

f*ck me!

Oh, before I forget.

Walt asked me to pass
on one more thing.

"Vivian,

if you're reading this,

I must be dead.

Disappointing,

but fingers crossed it
happened in my sleep.

I leave you this
house to look after.

Yes, the gig can be a bit
of a b*stard sometimes,

but I swear, that
if you stick it out,

it'll show you what
you're truly capable of.

Lots of love, Grandpa Walt."

Right. Weird.

Thanks.

Come on.

Was that in there too,

or was that your
own special touch?

A bit of both.

Well, that's it for me.

Good-oh.

Alex!

Hey, it's Viv.

Listen, I just inherited

a pretty sweet
little beach house.

Real lighthouse keeper vibes.

Anyway, did you wanna
come over and we can...

Right.

Nikita!

Listen, I just inherited a
pretty sweet little beach...

Vivian.

I lived with you,
like this morning.

Hey, you've
reached David from Embrace.

If it's an emergency,
please call...

sh*t.

Oi!

Don't come any closer!

What the f*ck are you doing?

k*lling myself!

Well, please don't!

Why not?

'Cause... well, 'cause
this is my new backyard!

You can't just ruin
someone's backyard

'cause their fence
is a bit sh*t.

What?

No!

Wait!

I'm sorry you got
left at the altar.

That really f*cking sucks.

I left him!

Well, then shouldn't
you be happy?

I don't know.

I didn't do it on purpose!

What does that mean?

My arms, they just sort
of opened the car door

and threw me out of the limo,

and I don't know why I did it,

because he is actually perfect.

And I know a lot of people
say that about their fiancés,

but he's like actually perfect.

Oh, and now he's gonna
be standing there.

His little face,
it's gonna be broken,

while people tap him on
the shoulder and tell him,

"She's coming," when
I am not coming!

The priest is going to lean over

and tell him that he's got
another wedding in ten,

and that is when he'll know.

Oh, and then he'll look
over at my parents.

Oh, my parents!

Oh, they're gonna be so angry!

My cousins!

They paid $50 a
head for the beef!

Oh, you are so f*cking stupid!

Everybody says it and it's true!

You have blown up
your f*cking life.

f*cking... whoa!

Shut up right now.

You're not f*cking stupid.

In fact, it seems to
me very f*cking smart

to veto a fifty-year commitment

that didn't sit right with you.

Now it's a shame you didn't
have the same foresight

with that tattoo on your back,

but we can't be
savvy all the time,

can we?

No.

No.

Now have some
f*cking self-respect.

Stop crying.

Own your decision
and get on with it.

Wow.

All right.

I'm gonna go now.

Glad I could help you.

Where are you going?

Back inside.

Can I come with you?

No.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Hey!

Fine. Fine.

Just get away from there, okay?

Come on.

Okay.

Okay.

Help me.

Help yourself.

There's only one bed, so...

That's okay.

Coming!

f*ck!

Oh, welcome to the Crevice!

Come here! Oh!

I'm Anna from number ten.

Brought breakfast.

Oh, this is Dane,
my very single son.

I did tell him to
stand next to me,

but between you and me, he's
always had a small problem

with assertiveness.
Shall we come in?

Ah, now's not the best time...

Very single, hey?

What does that mean? Not sure.

If I was more assertive,
I could probably ask.

Sorry about the mess.

Oh, don't worry love.

It was chaos when Walt was here.

You knew my Grandad?

Sit down, Dane.

Yes, 'course!

We're a very tight-knit
street, this one.

I mean, that being said,
it was very difficult

to actually know
someone like Walt.

He spoke about you very fondly.

Said you had a nipple pierced.

Always wish I'd done it.

But alas, a piercer in
Bali told me that my ratios

were all wrong... Oh, Mum!

Oh, sorry, Vivian!

Dane does tell me I'm
a textbook over-sharer.

He's moved home to
save for a house,

but I think if he
had his time again,

he'd just sell an organ.

Now I just wanted to say

it's so impressive
what you've taken on.

Yeah, I mean, the
house needs a bit of work,

but I'm in between
jobs right now.

Yes, well that's good.

'Cause you're
gonna need the time

for when they come a-knocking.

And by "they" you
mean the workmen?

No, I mean...

I mean, the suicidal people.

You don't have to
whisper that, Mum.

Sorry, what?

Walt got at least one a week.

Oh, a saint, he was.

Oh. In fact, you know,

I do a bit of a
street newsletter.

It would be so wonderful
to get a POV piece on you.

Guardian of the Crevice 2.0...

Mum, I don't think
she realises...

Morning, all!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't realise
you had company!

- No, she's just...
- I was having a breakdown

on the ledge last night,
and this one talked me down.

I'm Amy, by the way.
I didn't get yours.

Vivian. Vivian.

Oh.

Your first save.

Lucky I put the cacao nibs in.

So this is one
of my earlier pieces

from when I first retired.

I mean, it's a tad over-written,

but you get the idea.

So people come here to...

Yeah. Yeah, it's been
that way for a while.

Usually, when tenants find out,

they hightail it out of
here pretty quick smart.

Not Walt, though.

He really took it on. Oh!

Jesus, what a guy.

And those eyes. Amen!

Oh, it was like a warm fire.

He saved 60 people?

Oh, God no!

This is from two years ago.

I'd say he clocked up closer
to two hundred by the end.

You know, he'd invite
them in for a nice chat.

Have a cup of tea.

He was quite remarkable.

You know, I'm surprised he
never mentioned it, love.

I mean, I do find
it a bit bizarre

that he didn't tell
the person moving in.

Vivian?

"Yeah, the gig can be
a bit of a b*stard sometimes."

b*stard sometimes.

Can be a bit of a
b*stard sometimes...

That little sh*t.

He set me up!

Mum, maybe we should, um...

Yeah, sorry, of course.
Oh, where is my head?

Listen, I brought
Dane here round

because he's a psychologist.

He's a bit obsessed with
all this sort of stuff.

Yeah, that's
not what I meant.

And it's a PhD.

Oh! Sorry. Yes, it's a PhD.

Anyway, he used to help Walt
with these sorts of things.

You know, give him some
tips on how to deal

- with this sort of stuff.
- f*ck, no.

I don't believe in
that digging inside

other people's heads bullshit.

- No offence, Dane.
- I'm sure there's none taken.

No, actually, um...

That digging inside other
people's heads bullshit

is incredibly important
with stuff like this.

Mm, well, you have to say that.

Particularly when the
person taking this on

is obviously um... What?

Ill-equipped?

Oh, I was going to say
dismissive and rude.

I'll come and
get my thermos later.

Ooh! Maybe grab a couple of
snappy quotes from you then!

That was a bit
of a bombshell, hey?

Are you all right?

Oh, not that one.
That looks terrible.

I'm sorry? Oh, my area of work

is shop assisting. I pride
myself on my honesty.

Have I offended you?

I didn't mean to.

I'm just saying, there's
still time to take it back.

Yeah, well, I wear this
one all the time, so...

Oh.

So, where you off to
then, all dressed up?

My grandfather's funeral.

Of course. Yeah.

Um, what a great guy...

Do you have
somewhere you can go?

I can give you my phone.

Vivian.

Oh, Vivian.

I...

I don't mean to sound
weird or anything,

but I'm sort of spiritual.

Well, yesterday something
really strange happened to me.

There was this brolga.

A what?

Oh, it's a wetland bird.

Like um, maybe this tall?

And it's kinda like...

Well, I rolled out of the limo

and he... ooh, I'm
assuming he was a he,

because he was very, very big...

He was just staring at me.

And I knew in that
instant who he was.

My guardian angel!

Which yeah, is a
bit weird for me,

because usually mine's a rabbit.

Anyway, he just takes off,

squawking this thing that
sounded remarkably like...

Like "Amy!

Follow me!"

So I did.

And then we end up at
the house, and the ledge

that I assumed the big brolga

was telling me to
throw myself off.

But after hearing what
your grandfather left you,

I know the brolga wasn't
leading me to my death,

he was leading me
to a new life here,

with you, helping people.

Yeah, I can't deal
with this right now.

Oh, shh.

I know it's a lot.

I'll give you some
time to mull on it.

Ooh! There. Shopkeeper hands!

Thank you
so much for coming.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

Thanks for coming.

- You're late.
- I had to change.

Oh, June and Dotty,

do you want to say
hi to Aunty Viv?

- Hey, Viv.
- Hey, Laura.

Hey, you babies. Still a cat.

Ah, yes, yep, still a cat.

We are handing these out.

I thought it would be a nice way
to greet our guests on arrival.

Oh, and I've um... I've...

brought my boyfriend.

Oh! Alej?

Everyone, this is Alejandro.

Hey, Alejandro.

Oh, it's so nice to finally
meet the bloody food truck muse.

Ah, no. No.

No. Nice to meet you two.

Whoa.

I just wish it would be
under different circumstance.

- Sorry for your loss.
- Thanks.

- Our bad...
- You're so hot, man. Jesus.

- Hendrix.
- Sorry, just...

it's a bit full on.

You just look like
you've stepped out

of a European perfume ad.

Anyway, I just had
a quick question

re Grandad's house.

Do you... do you model?

Okay. That's enough.

Is this about the entire
waterfront property

that's just fallen
into your lap?

- That's not what I meant.
- Okay, well it can wait.

Thank you.

Viv!

Ritchie! What the hell
are you doing here?

I'm here for the funeral, mate.

You left your
laptop open at mine,

so I went through your messages.

I know we're not
together or anything,

but I just thought, "f*ck
it, she'd want me here."

Oh, it's pretty sad, eh?

Everyone's crying.

Have you been to
a funeral before?

Nup. Like my Nan came
close to going once,

but now she's on one of those
machines that helps her breathe.

She loves it.

Anyway, I've got good news.

Is your bro around? Why?

Well, I know you're
pretty cut up about

burning down his truck,
so I got onto Travis,

and it turns out the
weed he gave us that day

was laced with ket... Shhh!

So that's why you fell asleep.

I just... I've gotta go.

Oh, you coming back to mine?

No. Oh.

Maybe. I don't know.

Love that. Keeping
me on my toes.

And hey, remember Viv.

There's so much love for you
in this church right now.

So much love.

Oh, my God!

You
think I should go?

Hey. Hey.

Who is that?

A friend.

Where do
I know him from?

Thanks, mate.

- He did a dating show once.
- Oh!

Married In The
Dark! Oh, my God.

It's Ritchie P!

Oh, he's the only guy who
picked two women at the end.

Shh, shh shh.

Listen.

Did Grandad tell
you anything weird

about the house when
you used to visit?

No. What's up?

People throw themselves off it.

Sorry? Yeah.

He was like some guardian
angel and he didn't tell me.

Pack up the moon

and dismantle the sun

Pour away the ocean
and sweep up the wood

For nothing now can
come to any good...

Yep. Ooh, sh*t.

That's it. Thank you.

Thank you,
John, for that beautiful poem,

from one of my favourite
films, actually.

Yeah. Four Weddings
And A Funeral.

I love me some Hugh
Grant in a suit!

Right. Okay.

Well next, we're
going to be hearing

from Walt's youngest
granddaughter, Vivian.

Hi, everyone.

As Father Terry said,
I'm Walt's youngest

and least impressive grandchild.

As most of you know,

when my parents
had their accident,

he took us in.

He was our other Dad, really.

There for me when no one else
knew what the f*ck to say.

Sorry, I said "f*ck," Father.

That wasn't written down.
It just slipped out.

That's all right.

He wrote all my essays and
scared off my boyfriends.

And this one time when I was 16,

he took me to an STI clinic

'cause I thought I
had herpes on my face.

It was just acne,

but he humoured me all the same.

So much love.

He was a truly
remarkable person.

Sometimes.

He was a truly remarkable
person, sometimes.

But today, in all honesty,

I'm really f*cking mad
at that guy up there.

Because it turns out

that that waterfront
property he left me,

in what I assumed was
a generous response

to Sydney's housing crisis,

is actually just a giant cliff

with a bit of house on it.

And the woman next door tells me

that people just throw
themselves off it all the time,

and he tried to save them all.

So now I don't know
what the f*ck to do.

Sorry again, Father.

'Cause he's just thrown
me in the deep end...

like he always does.

He just expects me

to do this huge thing,

despite the fact I've told
him time and time again

that I can't do
things like this.

That I'm nothing
f*cking like him!

And yes, that was another "f*ck"

and I'm not even going
to apologise for that one

'cause I'm just
so f*cking angry.

And it's pouring
out of me like sweat

and maybe it's
because I've repressed

all my Walt-related emotions

and now they're just coming
out in a f*cked-up way.

I told her. Okay.

And now that I've let
out all the anger...

what's left is...

the sadness.

That you're actually gone.

That I pushed you away.

But the saddest bit of all...

is having to let you
down one more time,

after decades of
doing it relentlessly.

I can't do this, Grandad.

I'm sorry.

Bye.

Go.

Right.

How dare you!

How dare you ruin his
funeral like that.

sh*t, John, easy! No, no, no!

You can't just grieve, can you?

Sorry.

Okay, that's not mine.

Are you high right now?

No!

God, John, no, I swear.

It's a friend's!

- Go back inside, Hendrix.
- Shouldn't we just...

Back inside,
Hendrix, now, please.

I just want one day
that she doesn't ruin,

for once in our f*cking lives.

Inside. Please.

I'll, um...

I'll call you later, okay?

Just go home.

How'd it go?

I guess not as expected?

I found something.

Walt wasn't just
building a pergola.

He was building
some kind of tearoom

for the people who
come through here...

I'm selling the place, Amy.

I owe my brother some money
and it's best if I just leave,

so yeah, you'll need
to f*ck off somewhere.

Yeah, but this is amazing...

As is your capacity for
ignoring what I'm saying...

Shh!

Okay, did you just
f*cking shoosh me again?

No, I mean just wait a second!

Someone's here.

Vivian, he's heading
for the ledge.

Help. Help me!

No, no, no! Come on!

What are you doing?

Oh, what you did
to me! Now wake up!

Get off! No!

Absolutely yes!

Not until you tell me
why you're so afraid.

Because I ruin things.

Okay? I ruin everything!

Walt didn't tell me
what this place was

'cause he knew I'd run a mile.

He knew I'd think I'd ruin this
too and guess what? I will.

I can't be the person he wanted.

I can't be this f*cking angel...

Why are you f*cking laughing?

You think I didn't
jump last night

because you were an angel?

b*tch, last night you
were the demon from hell!

But I looked at you
with your bad eyeliner

and your tired eyes
and I just thought,

"Here's a person who gets it,

and if she can keep
going, so can I."

Just finish this
pergola for him, okay?

Like he wanted.

And if you still hate
it you can sell it

for even more and f*ck
off like you want to.

Come on, mate.

f*cking jump, mate.

Come inside.

Why?

Because I f*cking told you to.

Sorry, I really don't
know what I'm doing.

Neither do I.

Come on.

So you just grab
one, and put it out.

It helps me sometimes.

To calm down.

Focus on something small.

Oh.

Oh! Good morning.

Hey!

I think I need your help.

Sorry, I couldn't hear that.

I said I think I...

I think you're f*cking with me.

I could come by Tuesday.

Tuesday?

Mm.

That sounds too far away at
this point, but I'll take it.

Of course you exist.

Of course you f*cking exist!

Amy!

Amy!