01x01 - The Assembly

[bunniefuu]

[intriguing folk music playing]

[curtains squeaking]

Oh. [chuckles]

- [solemn music playing]

- It is the year 1670.

Yep, I know what you're going to say.

"1670? I could've sworn

1668 was just yesterday."

Time flies, right? [laughs gently]

You know the saying,

"Have a portrait done wearing clothes

for the job you want,

not the job you have."

My name is Jan Paweł Adamczewski,

and my great ambition in life is

to be the most famous Jan Paweł

in the history of Poland.

[chuckles]

[sighs dreamily]

[sublime classical music playing]

[music stops]

- [classical music playing]

- [sloshing]

[indistinct chattering]

I'm lucky to have been born

into nobility here in Poland,

which is the most powerful country

in the world.

- [hammer banging]

- [chickens clucking]

- [goats bleating]

- [sighs]

[clicks tongue]

The weather is quite good here

from June to September.

- Well, mid-September.

- [peasant] Hey, watch out!

- [thuds]

- [chickens clucking]

- [grand music playing]

- [blades clinking]

We, Sarmatians, are the chosen people.

Thanks to the Almighty's

indisputable will,

we were bestowed

with the greatest minds, hearts,

and phalluses.

- [music stops]

- [blades clinking]

[sword clangs to the ground]

[blades clinking]

That's why I try to be grateful

for what I've got.

[villagers chattering indistinctly]

Because, somewhere in the world,

children are starving.

[poultry clucking]

Oh, right here, for example.

The children of peasants.

Marek, Józia.

- [stick taps]

- [flies buzzing]

Darek.

Poor, starving little kiddos.

[inhales] Oh, right.

- It's dinner time. [chuckles]

- [classical music playing]

[poultry clucking]

[Jan Paweł] I have two sons.

My eldest will

eventually inherit my estate.

[slurps]

But, at the moment,

we're having a few parenting issues.

More than anything,

I really dig good tunes.

- [instrument buzzing]

- [electronic bleeping]

The guys and I started a band.

We've only just started up,

but I think we're gonna be huge.

[riffing]

- We play

- [bleats]

with an edge, straight from the heart,

and about things that surround us.

[drumsticks tapping rhythmically]

[atmospheric folk music playing]

[bleats loudly]

[chews]

[singing in Cossack]

- [Jan Paweł] Stanisław!

- [door creaking]

- What are you doing, Stanisław?

- [chickens clucking]

Stop making such a racket.

- [music stops]

- [sighs]

That's the sound of the future, Dad.

It's post-Baroque.

Not in my barn it isn't.

But, Dad, this sh*t is badass Cossack.

[poignant music playing]

[chickens clucking]

Don't start with that.

Have you forgotten

what badass Cossacks did to Grandpa?

- [cow mooing]

- [scoffs]

- [all chewing]

- [utensils clinking]

[Jan Paweł] My second son,

Jakub, is the pride of the family.

He's already climbing

the corporate ladder.

Listen, I've told you this already,

and I don't wanna hear any excuses

about it again.

I want absolute prosperity for Poland.

- I expect you to provide absolutely

- Who are you talking to?

Dad, can't you see that I'm praying here?

- Don't forget about prosperity for Poland.

- [door creaks]

Almighty, let's get back to it.

I chose the Church

because I've always wanted a good job

on a dynamic and evolving team

TO JAKUB POPE CLEMENT IX

in a fiscally stable organization

with a strong market presence.

And I felt the calling. I mean, obviously.

- [eerie hip-hop music playing]

- Do I have a motto for my life?

"Beholdest thou the mote

in thy brother's eye?"

"Look them in their other eye,

and maybe you'll find another mote."

[whip cracking]

"It could come in handy

for some blackmail."

[chuckles wickedly]

[Jan Paweł] I also have a daughter.

Aniela.

She's just the apple of my eye.

- [soft lute music playing]

- [brushing]

[door creaking]

What are you doing?

Brushing my teeth?

[door creaks]

Teenagers. Who can keep up?

[laughs]

You know, we're way past the time

when a woman's worth depended

on just any man just liking her.

DARK BOX

INVERTED IMAGE

IMAGE VIEWER

SPINNING WHEEL / REWINDER

CART FOR A LEGLESS CA

Today's woman should be

sophisticated and smooth-talking,

so that the son

of a magnate will want her.

[sighs impatiently]

Such an inspiring time to be a woman.

Dad is sweet, but, mentally,

he's kind of stuck in the Middle Ages.

And that's my family for ya.

- [laughs]

- [soft lute music playing]

- [knife bangs]

- [cutlery clattering]

[tense music playing]

[crows cawing in the distance]

[disturbing music playing]

Oh, right. There's also my wife.

Zofia.

[crows cawing in the distance]

[Jan Paweł] She's not exactly

what you'd call the life of the party.

She's more like the lost soul

of a dead person

[door thuds]

- endlessly tormenting you from the grave.

- [door thuds]

[Zofia] Ave María, grátia plena.

Dóminus tecum.

Benedícta tu in muliéribus,

et benedíctus fructus ventris tui, Iesus.

Sancta María, Mater Dei

- [foot stomps]

- [floor creaks]

- [mud sloshing]

- [sheep bleating]

- [crows caw]

- [chickens cluck]

[cow moos]

- [poultry clucking and calling]

- [laughs]

- [villagers chattering indistinctly]

- [villager] Hey, back off!

- [folk music playing]

- [horse neighs]

Longevity in a relationship is guaranteed

by having shared passions.

Ours is the shared hatred

of our neighbor, Andrzej.

See you at the assembly tomorrow.

Assembly?

[scoffs] What an idiot.

When it comes to our neighbors,

we Poles aren't too lucky.

Prussia, Russia Andrzej.

[villagers chattering]

[Jan Paweł] He's a landowner just like me.

Adamczycha Village belongs to both of us,

one half each.

Andrzej has the bigger half.

Andrzej is also disabled.

He has only daughters

and he desperately wants

to marry one off to a magnate's son.

But we will marry off our daughter

to a magnate's son.

[inhales, sighs deeply]

Or I'm not the most famous Jan Paweł

in Poland's history.

- [sublime classical music playing]

- [metal clanging]

[sloshing]

- [Jan Paweł] Swedes, eh?

- [horse neighs in the distance]

- [poultry clucking]

- [Stanisław] Swedes what?

Well, they came here and caused trouble.

Dad, you know I'm not super into history.

Son, it was only ten years ago.

You've got to get more involved

in your role here.

You've got to encourage the peasants

with love. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!

[geese clucking]

I didn't get a free ride, you know.

I inherited all this myself.

Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!

Chop, chop, chop, chop!

[laughs]

- [sighs]

- [metallic banging]

[Jan Paweł] Oh. I can't begin to tell you

how much time I spent using one of these,

plowing fields,

just mowing down hectares of land with it.

Excuse me, my lord,

but those are our new blacksmithing tools.

[metallic banging]

Hm. [laughs nervously]

Stanisław, did you hear him?

They're using this

for blacksmithing nowadays.

[metallic banging]

Back in my day,

we'd plow through hectares with it,

and no one would complain.

And if the need arose,

we'd repel Tatars with it,

and what a time that was.

Who are you, by the way?

I brought you a letter

several days ago, my lord.

A FEW DAYS AGO

[whispers] A letter for our lord.

It was about the assembly tomorrow.

- [pensive music playing]

- [breathes deeply]

Tomorrow?

Why don't you read it, Regina.

Uh Mm.

It's just that

I can't read, my lord.

[poultry clucking]

[clicks tongue]

[solemn music playing]

LORD JAN PAWEŁ ADAMCZEWSKI

[confidently] Watch and learn, then,

my beloved peasants.

[clicks tongue]

- [music crescendos, stops]

- [chuckles nervously]

"M M"

"M My

dear dear"

"M My dear b bro

b brother"

[laughs awkwardly] "My dear brother."

[laughs]

"On the the"

Uh, "On the s sixth d d"

Ah, "The sixth day."

[chuckles, inhales]

"On the sixth day of Mar

Mar

Mar Mar", hmm.

Okay. None of you know this word anyway,

so I'll read it in my head. [inhales]

So, "On the sixth day of",

uh, the word none of you know

The word that Regina and I

didn't know was "March."

[metallic banging]

March?

The month.

Oh, that's right.

Right. [laughs awkwardly]

February, March, May. [chuckles]

Yeah, the months.

Yeah, I know them. Yeah.

- So what do they call you?

- My name is Maciej.

I'm from Lithuania.

I came here to Adamczycha

as part of a peasant exchange program,

called Erasmus.

I could've gone over to France,

but my family convinced me

that Poland was a powerful place.

- I'm the blacksmith's new helper.

- Oh, so cool.

Hey, better get back there

and help the blacksmith with his

With his blacksmithing.

[inhales, sighs]

- I'll do my best to help him, my lord.

- Wonderful. You are the man.

- [Maciej chuckles]

- [Jan Paweł laughs]

Oh, that's just some slang.

Obviously, he's my man.

He's my peasant.

[folk music plays]

"term" [chuckles]

"term"

"termitorial"

May we please leave?

We've got so much work to do, still.

Relax. It's not like it's a whole novel.

"a*s a*s assembly."

[blacksmith] Maciej,

go tell them the horses need feeding.

- [folk music playing]

- [birds honking]

Chop, chop. Chop, chop, chop.

Chop, chop.

Chop, chop. Chop, chop,

chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!

Hey. Hey, you.

- The horses need to be fed. Can you do it?

- In a minute, when I'm done here.

You should probably do it now.

The poor things look pretty hungry.

- [Jan Paweł] Anielka!

- [Stanisław] Chop.

How many times have I told you?

Nobles don't work.

- [Stanisław] Chop, chop.

- [horses neighing]

I should get to it. They do look hungry.

- [intriguing music playing]

- [birds honking]

ASSEMBLY

[fire crackling]

[Stanisław sighs]

I summoned you both

because we must urgently confer.

Jakub, I asked you to come because

you're exceptionally smart and astute.

And you, Stanisław

are Stanisław.

I'll always be here to help you, Father.

Thank you, Father.

Father, you know I asked you

not to call me "Father."

- [laughs]

- [chuckles]

And why are there women present

at this meeting?

[clicks tongue] Because, you idiot,

your meeting's in the living room.

By the way,

you're supposed to call me "Father."

- Gross!

- This is no time to fight.

I deciphered the

the encrypted message from this letter.

I've been asked

to the territorial assembly tomorrow.

- [thuds]

- [chuckles] Ooh. With our fellow noblemen.

- Yeah.

- [clatters]

But, sadly, some of our fellow noblemen

are real assholes.

- Especially that dipshit Andrzej.

- [thuds]

He's been scheming

to raise our taxes again.

- [Aniela] How much are you paying now?

- Three percent!

- [whistles]

- And now, he wants us all to pay five!

The man's peasants work hard

to bring him prosperity,

so that means we should rob him?

People are so greedy.

It's not surprising.

The Kingdom's treasury must be empty,

with the wars and the Swedes plundering

- [loud thud]

- [all] f*ck the Swedes!

[snorts, spits]

[girl sighs]

- Marianna.

- What?

You've got to help me write a speech

for tomorrow.

- [Zofia] I know a way to win the debate.

- [cryptic music plays]

We shall go to the woods,

gather handfuls of dry branches,

and flog ourselves the whole night

to placate our Maker.

Sure, yeah.

Let's put a pin in that,

so we don't forget,

and then continue the meeting.

- [valiant music playing]

- [thudding]

Tomorrow's assembly? I feel confident.

We've been practicing some

traditional Polish rhetorical arguments.

- I wasn't interrupting.

- [Jakub] Louder!

- I wasn't interrupting you.

- Look me right in the eyes! Come on!

- [yells] I wasn't interrupting you!

- [both scream]

- [Jan Paweł laughs]

- [Jakub screaming]

[valiant music continues]

[man] Left. Left.

In formation.

Even out the columns there.

- Left flank. Left!

- [horse snorts]

- [people laugh]

- [horse neighs]

- [man] I said left!

- [horse neighing]

[man] That's right. Good.

- [horse snorts]

- [man 2 grunts]

- I'll watch over the horse.

- There's no need.

You stupid buffoon. Have you got any idea

who you're dealing with?

My name is Bogdan.

I'm a sixth-generation

pure-blooded nobleman.

With no land, temporarily. The last

few battles didn't go as I'd expected.

[bread clatters]

[loud laughter in the inn]

[folk music playing]

I've been part

of some of the most notorious defeats

in the history of our army.

In the past decade alone,

seven times I begged my enemies for mercy.

[horse snorts]

Six times I pretended to be dead.

[chewing]

They'll write songs about me.

- I'll be famous someday.

- [horse neighs]

[loud chattering in the inn]

[Bogdan] Hello, horsey!

Quo vadis?

Hey, don't walk away from me.

[Zofia] Oh.

Bogdan?

[Bogdan] Zofia?

[intriguing music plays]

- Long lost sister!

- I thought you were dead.

Well, this must be welcomed news.

What news is that?

That I'm alive.

Ah. Right.

[chuckles]

[Zofia] This is a great spot

for you to live your best Adamczycha life.

It's spacious and good for meetings,

and there are no cattle

in this particular area here.

It's an ideal place

for a wandering Sarmatian.

And if you want privacy,

we can add a dividing wall.

No, no, no.

It's perfect just like this.

An open-concept studio.

Yeah.

Right here will be

where I'll relax and unwind.

[pee tinkling]

- [inhales, sighs]

- Mm-hmm.

And over here

I can start planning out all my next wars.

Wonderful. When working from home,

it's good to separate

your work and life spaces.

[yawns, gasps]

[Zofia] Oh, right. the exchange peasant

from Lithuania lives in the forge as well

which means you're going to be roommates.

- [unsettling tone plays]

- [blade clinks]

[horse neighs]

- Just remember this, you brute.

- [sword scrapes]

Lithuania is here,

and Poland is here.

So let's stick to our borders.

But what about the idea

of "Two Nations," my lord?

Poland is for the Polish

[munching]

not Lithuanians.

Out there might be

the "Commonwealth of Two Nations,"

but, in here, we're gonna treat it

like two nations that are separate.

- You got that?

- Mm-hmm.

[sword scrapes, clinks]

TO ADDRESSEE ONLY

- [Aniela inhales, sighs]

- [Maciej] My lady. Please, let me do that.

No, no.

We're gonna prove our brothers wrong,

and show them that feminism doesn't stop

when you have to move something heavy.

Father ordered it

without paying for a delivery option.

Ah, parents. [chuckles]

It's always something with them.

- [Aniela] What?

- [woman] This guy's a riot.

I wanted to apologize to you

for that thing with the horses.

- [women panting and moaning]

- [Aniela] Take a break.

You wanted me to feed them

because they were hungry.

- [women panting]

- [sarcastically] Scandalous.

[chuckles]

Relax. I didn't know

who you were either, and I still don't.

So?

[Maciej] Maciej, my lady.

I'm the blacksmith's new helper.

[Aniela] I'd shake your hand,

but I can't right now.

My lady, you'd shake hands with a peasant?

Hey, Regina.

Regina, you're also a peasant,

and we hang out all the time.

- Okay, let's put it down.

- [thuds]

[women panting and moaning]

There.

[women exhale]

- [exhales]

- [woman 2] Let's get back to our shacks.

[Aniela] You seem

like someone I could talk to.

[woman 3] I wish I could bathe.

Welcome to Adamczycha.

[woman 4] Oof. That was so heavy.

I think I pulled something.

[door creaks open]

You can definitely count on me,

if you don't need something heavy

to be moved again. [chuckles]

[laughs] The Lord watches over us.

- That'll be a hit at the assembly.

- [Aniela] Mm-hmm.

- And you? What's your name?

- My name's Maciej.

I came from Lithuania.

Load that onto my carriage. [laughs]

- Ha!

- [fire crackling]

[door creaks, clatters]

[melancholic folk music playing]

- [peasant 1] I know it'll bounce around.

- [peasant 2] You got it?

[peasant 1] I just gotta

wrap it around here.

- [peasant 3] Gotta fix it.

- [peasant 4] It's loose.

[peasant 5] You fix it.

[peasant 3] You said you could fix it,

smart-a*s.

- [peasants continue arguing]

- [horses neigh]

Maciej seems really nice and clever.

As far as women's rights go here

in Adamczycha,

I've been trying

to initiate a discussion Seriously?

Are women only valuable or interesting

when they're talking about men?

- If I show a bit of skin, will you listen?

- [music becomes upbeat]

Wake up, people. This is the 17th century!

- [sighs angrily]

- [door slams]

- [man 1] Get out of my inn!

- [man 2] I'm not drunk.

That's preposterous!

- [man 1] No more drinking for you tonight.

- [man 2] I'll drink to this.

- [indistinct laughing and chattering]

- [man 1] Come on, just one more round.

You can't stop me.

[rooster crows]

- [water splashes]

- [inn owner] Wake up!

[man 1 gasps, grunts] What did I do?

- [horse neighs]

- [man 1] Come on, just one more.

- [inn owner] Get out of here!

- [man 1 groans]

ASSEMBLY DAY

- [man 1] Fine, be like that.

- [horse neighs]

- [mellow folk music]

- [man 1 grunts]

Assembly. A feast of democracy.

The day where everyone can vote.

Except for the peasants.

They're not allowed to.

I often tell my peasants,

"You don't get to vote,

so you don't get to complain either."

- [coach thuds loudly]

- [laughs]

[laughs] Hey, driver!

Have you been drinking, or what?

[carter] Yes, of course, my lord.

I'm not convinced you have been.

You seem a bit nervous today.

[chuckles]

I don't do those cheap ride shares.

They're too scary. [wheezes, laughs]

- [mellow folk music continues]

- [Jan Paweł laughing loudly]

[indistinct chattering and laughing]

Hello, my brothers!

[people speak indistinctly]

[music grows upbeat]

In order to win the debate,

I need to knock this out of the park.

The key lies not only in what I say,

but also how I look.

- [clock clattering]

- [men speaking indistinctly]

And what's every man's

most prestigious accessory?

His most luxurious calling card?

- His watch.

- [clock chiming]

[Jan Paweł] This compact,

portable accessory is a must

for any important business meeting.

It's a discrete way of saying,

"Yes, I'm someone to be taken seriously."

[clock ticking]

[strikes the hour]

[chuckles]

[breathes out, gulps] Andrzej.

Jan Paweł.

- Why did you bring that huge clock?

- It's half past one.

- What?

- You asked me what time it was.

No, I didn't. I asked why you brought

It's from the Netherlands.

And let me tell you,

these things are not cheap.

- Jan Paweł

- A thousand ducats.

If you really must know. [laughs]

[sighs loudly] My brothers.

- [grand music playing]

- [sighs]

[Jan Paweł] So good to see you.

Therefore, if we want our Commonwealth

to overcome this crisis,

we must start making sacrifices.

[clock chiming]

[laughs]

[sighs] Brothers, I'm appealing to you now

to vote in favor of obliging our General

to support and uphold our decision

to modestly, but effectively, raise taxes.

Because, as Cicero said,

"The highest form of law is

the welfare of the people."

- [valiant music plays]

- [Andrzej] Thanks.

Cicero also said,

"If Polish people raise their own taxes,

their downfall will be immediate."

[laughs] No, that is absurd.

Cicero was alive

long before the existence of Poland.

[music halts]

Yet, those are his words.

[noblemen murmur]

I'm very confident

that Cicero never mentioned Poland.

Huh. Well, excuse me.

If your Cicero never cared about Poland,

why should we even listen to his advice?

- [noblemen agreeing]

- [nobleman 1] Good point.

Cicero's words of wisdom

can be applied in this

[Jan Paweł] Cicero also said

"Andrzej is a stuck-up buffoon."

[noblemen in commotion]

Sorry. Those aren't my words.

Those are Cicero's.

Enough, brothers. Enough.

That's enough.

All right. Let's have some order, please.

Does anyone here have

any questions for Andrzej?

- [Jan Paweł] Yeah.

- [sighs]

One question.

- How much did you spend on your clock?

- [clock chimes]

- What clock?

- Thank you, no further questions.

[noblemen in commotion]

[assembly marshal]

Let us proceed with the voting.

All those in favor

of raising taxes for the nobility?

Nineteen.

And all those against it?

Just one.

Nineteen are in favor, and one is opposed.

Liberum veto.

The motion is denied.

[Jan Paweł] My solid arguments

convinced my brothers.

Each vote ended up as a victory for me.

Boom! Boom!

[laughs]

At one point,

I even felt sorry for Andrzej.

Sure, he may have excelled in the debate,

but who had the last word?

[laughing] Certainly not Cicero.

[continues laughing]

Mmm.

Brothers, today's vote

did not go well for us, that's true.

But the almost unanimous decision you made

gives me hope that our Commonwealth

Why the long faces?

Andrzej, are you doing,

reading them dirges? Give us all a break!

Jan Paweł, this wasn't your finest hour.

We all wanted

One person was against it,

so that's the end of it.

We're democratic here.

- [clock strikes]

- [Jan Paweł grunts] Okay, what time is it?

[laughs] The night is young.

Let's go to the inn.

I've got money burning a hole in my pocket

that was supposed to be for the taxes.

[laughs] Drinks on me, come on!

- [noblemen yell and cheer]

- [Andrzej] My lords!

[all singing a popular Polish folk song]

[drunkenly] I love the nobility.

We might argue, and we might bicker,

but, ultimately,

we make a pretty good team.

Birds of a feather

will enjoy a clock together. [laughs]

That was a good one!

I'm gonna use that one from now on.

[crackling]

[drinks]

[singing continues]

[soft lute music playing]

[droplets pattering]

[Bogdan] And now, this Tatar here fires!

[mimics sh**ting blasts]

Then the cavalry comes in from the left.

[mimics battle cries]

[laughs]

Victory!

Huh.

[Maciej] A serf's life is

full of hardship,

suffering,

and various nuisances.

[clatters]

But you can still survive.

You can almost even enjoy it,

as long as you can remember the words

of wisdom our mothers whispered

into our ears every night before bed.

[peasants] "Never expect anything,

nor desire anything."

[Jan Paweł] Peasants!

I have wonderful news!

Come gather outside the manor!

[dogs barking]

[sighs]

Off I go,

but I have no expectations

about this meeting, hm?

That's how you do it.

[Jan Paweł] Come on. Come on.

Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop.

Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop.

Closer. Closer.

I have exciting news for you.

Guess what it is.

Potatoes?

Since when is

a potato exciting news, Bogdan?

[snorts softly]

[Regina] Are we finally going to be paid

for our serfdom?

[sighs]

Go to confession and repent for that idea.

Okay, I'll just tell you,

since you're bad at guessing.

I was vicatvious

Victorious at the assembly.

I will not be paying higher taxes.

[chuckles]

Yes, whatever your name is.

- [metal scraping]

- [mysterious music playing]

Does it mean

that we're gonna work less, my lord?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It doesn't really concern you.

It's the beginning

of my new political career.

So how is this actually good news for us,

then, your lordship?

[grunts lightly]

Well, someday, you might be able

to brag about knowing the king of Poland

before he was famous.

[chuckles softly]

And then, we're all gonna work

a bit less, right?

[music stops]

[distant howling]

[inhales]

I wasn't interrupting you!

Ha! Sick burn. [laughs]

[Jan Paweł] Hm.

- [woman] What the hell was that?

- [man] Just a lot of hot air.

[woman 2] Come on, Jurek. Let's go to bed.

[sad folk music playing]

- [woman 3] Can you believe that?

- Hey, Maciej.

[peasants complaining indistinctly]

Hey.

[Maciej] Just remember, the key

to a peaceful life is to have no desires.

Because for a peasant,

desires mean trouble.

- [man 2] There.

- [loud clattering]

[man 2 grunts]

[footsteps sloshing]

[clock chiming]

- [man 2] The clock is finished.

- [clock chiming off-key]

[spring twangs]

[mysterious cello music playing]

[expl*si*n booms]

[shrapnel clatters]

[sublime classical music playing]