01x06 - Stinky and the Man's Battle of the Bands 1998

[bunniefuu]

BABBAGE: Yeehaw!

Hello, I'm Randall K. Babbage.

I'm here to introduce to you

the newest slab

of the Babbage Garden

Meats family--

- Lil' Beef!

- [airhorn]

Kick it!

[rapping] I'm Lil' Beef

and I'm here to say ♪

The cool kids eat

Babbage Meat ♪

It's funky fresh,

it's the best! ♪

Meats not exactly as shown.

What?

[music playing on commercial]

♪

That was fast.

When did they even film this?

Gotta love cable access, right?

Finally decided to

get highlights, huh?

What are you doing here

snarfing on my cereal?

Take it, then.

Your dad called

looking for you.

Been at Mickey's again?

- Been busy.

- Hm.

Oh, don't twist your gitch.

I'm just here to grab my stuff.

'K den.

SHELLEY: Neither of you are

leaving until you work this out!

Mom, I have to be somewhere!

SHELLEY: Well, better

hurry and make up, then!

I've locked every way out.

♪

♪

Those aren't yours.

As if I want any of this sh*t.

Mm

Dorm assignment.

Cool.

What, are you like a PI now?

[new wave music

playing on radio]

She cut the phone lines!

Maaaa!

Shelley!

Yo, Misery!

Can we at least

get some snacks down here?

SHELLEY: Snacks

are for sisterhood!

Damn, that's cold.

[sighs]

Fine.

I didn't mean what

I said before, okay?

But you said some

pretty messed-up sh*t too.

Yeah?

Well, I'm not

"following" Showboat.

'K den.

We always do

what you want to do!

It's always about you.

You know what?

Shelley wants us to make up,

so let's just act

like we made up.

[fake laughing]

What?

I want outta here

just as bad as you do!

[fake laughing]

Just friggin' do it!

[both fake laughing]

SHELLEY: Worst fake laughing

I've ever heard.

You're lucky

I have to go to work.

I'm out.

[footsteps receding

up the stairs]

[door opens and closes]

No

No, no, no, no, no, the bleach!

[monotone] "The winner of

the Stinky and the Man's

"Battle of the Bands

gets one year's supply

"of Babbage Garden Meats.

Come on, more excited.

Like, that's a buttload

of meats, man.

Meats.

A little more,

but, you know.

You look good, you look good.

Great job on the ad, son!

Thanks for stepping up.

All of us, we love

Lil' Beef!

CHERYL: Lil' Beef!

Yeah, we do.

BABBAGE: Miss Cheryl,

you promised to deliver,

and you did.

Well, Randy,

I'm all about the quality.

[both laugh]

BABBAGE: Oh, here you go.

Make sure you put

the wieners in the cannon

right before they announce it

or it'll reek.

CHERYL: Sick.

Well, Randy,

I wonder if I can, uh,

bend your gears about

another business opportunity.

- Twist my arm?

- Oh, yes, I will!

[both laugh]

You're late.

I'm not feeling this scene.

Come on, let's get out

Are you crying?

Yeah, I'm f*cking crying!

My parents took

him away from me!

- Took who away?

- Langside!

My horse.

They sold him to the Archibalds

'cause I was getting in

"too much trouble."

Like, what?

I crashed dad's Jag

into one little Red Lobster

and it's lights out?

Damn, Mickey.

That sucks!

Langside's the only one

who gets me.

Who just listens

and never judges me.

Langside sounds like

a super sick horse, man.

I didn't even

get to say goodbye.

[alternative rock

playing in background]

Come on, Mickey!

Let's go jack some nerds

at Garbage Hill, then!

You love that!

Huh?

Nah.

I need a night off.

[rock music playing]

♪

♪

SHOWBOAT: Ooh,

rock goddess alert!

The Phoenix has emerged!

TYLER: Oh, well, well, well!

If it isn't my two exes.

You guys here to watch me win

Stinky and the Man's

Battle of the Bands?

- The Roids are playing?

- It's The Roid Boyz now.

With a "Z."

VIOLET: Yeah,

we're in the contest, too.

I know, I heard. Girl band.

It's a pretty good gimmick.

We're no gimmick, dude.

We're the real deal.

As if!

Me and my guy, we're on

a whole 'nother level, man.

You two should drop out now

before you embarrass yourselves.

You wanna put your money

where your mouth is?

Uh, bring it!

If you lose

No, when you lose,

we get the van back.

Hell no! I put gig money away

for that in the first place.

Okay, okay, but when we win,

she gets to keep the van

and we get all of your gear.

Uh, okay.

Easiest bet I've ever won.

STINKY: Hey, party people!

[applause]

- I hate your hair, by the way.

- Yeah.

You look like

a dumpster Limp Bizkit.

Hey.

Words hurt.

STINKY: It's the music

event of the year!

It's your girl, Stinky!

The Man's off

gettin' his back waxed.

Let's raise the roof

for our sponsors.

Babbage Garden Meats!

[applause and cheering]

We got a great show

for y'all tonight.

We got Yellow Smell.

We got Shitty Kitty.

We got The Roid Boyz.

And newcomers Ever Sick.

[applause]

Here's Babbage Garden Meats'

very own Little Beef

to announce the grand prize!

[applause and cheering]

A year's supply of tube meats.

WOMAN: I'm vegetarian,

you d*ck!

I don't gotta know

all your business!

Taught him that myself.

STINKY: Okay, let's give it up

for the Babbage Garden Meats

spokesmodel!

I'm not a spokesmodel!

I'm a wrestler, goddammit!

I'm The Woodtick!

Someone hit me with a chair!

Go on, bring it!

I just wanna be a wrestler!

Alright

- MAN: I'll meet you out back!

- MAN 2: I'll fight you!

He does that sometimes,

you know?

It's just normal.

STINKY: And first up,

the Roid Boyz!

Cedar, nice.

Yeah.

I thought we could use

the extra protection.

AUDIENCE: Roid Boyz!

Roid Boyz!

TYLER: Peg City!

It's ya boy Ty-ty!

Put your motherfuckin'

hands up for the Big Dog!

Peg City royalty!

SHOWBOAT: What the f*ck?

All my Roid Boyz

make some noise!

That's right!

SHOWBOAT: The Roids were idiots,

but we used to play,

like, actual music.

Whatever, man.

Look, they're all noise.

We're lookin' good on the van.

When it comes to spittin',

yeah, I'm the best! ♪

You ain't nothin',

you just the rest! ♪

Ugh!

All the haters say

Dog so mean ♪

All my Roid Boyz say

Dog rhymes so clean ♪

I'm a big dog,

watch me bite ♪

I'm a big dog,

watch me bite! ♪

That's right!

I'm a big dog,

watch me bite! ♪

Big dog gonna

bark all night! ♪

Woof!

[applause and cheering]

Okay, give it up for

whatever the hell that was!

Now, let's kick it up

a notch for Ever Sick!

Yeeow!

[applause]

Look at this Jabroni.

Reminds me of the time

I gave Langside bangs,

all teased up and sh*t.

Looked like Nick Lachey.

TYLER: Hey, get your

earplugs, everybody.

SHOWBOAT: Hey,

let's make this count.

SHOWBOAT: Two, three, four

[playing "I Got This"]

♪

♪

♪

You might think you know me ♪

You might think

you have an idea ♪

I suggest get it

out of your head ♪

(Out of your head) ♪

I'm a time b*mb,

trying to stay calm ♪

But what I really wanna do

is light the fuse and go off ♪

But you don't

need to show me ♪

Don't worry I got this ♪

Don't worry I got this ♪

There's another world

calling me, calling me ♪

No, no, not gonna

feel guilty ♪

Need to be me, honestly ♪

Oh, yeah! ♪

Life is such a bore ♪

Time to make it

so much more ♪

'Cause there's another

world calling me ♪

Don't worry I got this ♪

[applause and cheering]

SHOWBOAT: Take the lead.

♪

Take the lead.

[eerie music]

They say I'm a dreamer ♪

They say I'm always

lost in my head ♪

Also just

something else instead ♪

Yeah! ♪

I'm a big spark,

not a skidmark ♪

So what I really wanna do

is light it up and fly far ♪

But you don't

need to show me ♪

Don't worry I got this ♪

Langside?

Yeah.

Let's get outta here.

[song continues]

'Cause there's

another world calling me ♪

Don't worry, I got this ♪

Don't worry I got this ♪

Don't worry I got this ♪

Don't worry I got this! ♪

[applause and cheering]

STINKY: The winner of

Stinky and the Man's

Battle of the Bands 1998,

and the recipient

of a year's supply

of Babbage Garden's

delicious tubed meat is

The Roid Boyz.

ROID BOYZ: Yes!

SHOWBOAT: Bullshit!

STINKY: Babbage Garden Meats

Incorporated is not liable

for the ingestion of any

raw tubed meat products,

that is followed by but not

limited to engorged turds,

consumption, hysteria,

whatever the kid from

the Velveteen Rabbit had

Well, there goes my van.

Augh!

What the?

Rank!

Who's huckin' raw dogs?

Ugh!

SHOWBOAT: Let's check out

of this sausage factory.

Miss Cheryl has damn good aim,

but she was right again.

- About ?

- Listen, Tyler's my lady's son.

VIOLET: Eugh, Tupperware Donna?

The one and only.

Oh, she would have my weasel

in a plastic prison if he lost.

- Wait, you rigged the contest?

- Those chodes sucked!

You don't want a year's

worth of meat sweats!

Phew,

it's a dance with the devil.

Ask Beefy.

Look, I like what I saw

up there.

It was rough

but you've got something.

Yeah, it's kind of

our last show, though.

You know, I know

someone who's got

a bunch of motels out west.

Needs some entertainment.

Gospel Gloria bowed out.

Wait, are you--

A tour, seriously?

Have Miss Cheryl call me

to hammer out the details.

- Cheryl?

- Oh, uh

Learn some BTO covers.

BTO.

Yes!

Good thing you didn't hit

Babbage with that thing.

It's broken.

Buck up, little buddy.

Everyone has off nights.

I'll handle Babbage.

You never took

my wrestling serious.

You-- you tricked me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I saw a hustle where

we could make some scratch.

Plus, you were having fun, right?

Nah, you just think I'm some

goober you can boss around.

I thought we were friends.

We are

But I'm your manager first.

Well, then, you're fired.

Come on, bro.

What-- what about Babbage?

I can still beef it up.

Just not with you.

[sighs]

I've never

felt like that before.

It was like

nothing else mattered

but the music.

I felt

powerful.

Like I could feel every note

just flowing through my body.

And I know it sounds

cheesy, but

it felt like it was

where I'm meant to be.

Do you ever feel like that?

No.

Congrats, by the way.

[man burps]

[horse neighs]

Oh, Langside, ol' boy,

this is Harley.

He knows all the words

to Gangsta's Paradise,

don't you, boy?

Come on, Mickey,

just say goodbye

and let's get outta here, okay?

Oh, you're so fly!

I love you!

Come on, Mickey.

Let's go.

No way.

He's coming with me.

I'm gonna Free Willy him.

What?

You can't just take him.

I thought you were on my side!

I ain't never letting you go.

What are you doing, Mickey?

We share a spirit.

I'll show you.

Mickey, get down!

[hardcore punk music playing]

I'm coming for you, boy!

Remember, Langside, we are one.

Mickey, no!

Now, go, boy!

- [Langside neighs]

- Langsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!

[hooves galloping]

So

about me and Harley--

Don't.

Don't even.

You know,

your whole life growing up,

you thought you were

gonna play hockey.

Do you ever think about

doing something else?

I might have to now.

Oh right, your shoulder.

Well, you can come back

from that, right?

I dunno.

I mean, they're not sure.

Really?

I didn't realize.

I'm sorry.

So was it even worth it, then?

Going away,

getting recruited, and?

Um

going away wasn't the hard part.

It was coming home.

I just

I didn't think

it'd be over so soon.

But

[sighs]

Use a plate next time!

Jeez!

Oh, you're still up.

How's your packing list going?

Uh

good.

So

Ever Sick got an offer.

A tour.

Okay.

I'm not so sure about school.

Your bags are packed for school.

And now it's

music and a tour?

I know you're having fun,

but are you serious?

Uncle went on tour.

Uncle went to Kenora twice.

Come on.

You're just gonna throw

all your hard work away?

I know we need

Native doctors, okay?

I know how our people

are treated.

I just

My girl, Creator offers

us gifts for a reason.

But so do Tricksters.

You're right.

[sighs]

[knocking]

[window slides open]

- Violet!

- What?

I need your help!

Please, it's an emergency!

Quick!

VIOLET: Oh, sh*t.

We gotta take her to emerg.

HARLEY: Oh, we tried.

Yeah, we had to sneak out when

they called the police on us.

They said we stole a horse

and asked us what frickin' g*ng

we were in.

Okay, well,

her heart rate is steady.

I think it might

just be the shock.

It's actually not that bad.

I put some bear grease

and some pressure.

I think she'll be fine.

I can't believe you're helping

me after everything I said.

I was pissed

that you lied to me.

That you were

telling Mickey things

that you weren't telling me.

I couldn't keep up with you.

I didn't recognize you.

I'm sorry!

It's just like

you're out here

accomplishing sh*t, okay?

You're gonna be a doctor.

And I

I just--

I felt so f*cking stupid

about the fake PI sh*t and Jay

and everything, and

Violet, I didn't even graduate.

Harley, you could have told me.

I don't know what I'm doing!

Me either.

- I didn't mean what I said!

- I'm so, so sorry!

- Langsiiiiiide!

- [shrieking]

[snoring]

MICKEY: [mumbling] Help me,

August Schellenberg

WESLEY: Now friggin'

Mickey Carp's living here--

Shh, shh, shh!

They're sleeping!

It's a long story, okay?

Want some coffee?

Oh, no, it'll

stunt my growth.

[scoffs]

Okay.

So

are we

are we cool?

Yeah.

Yeah?

[folk music playing on radio]

Don't you even think

about kissing me,

you sick pig.

[laughs]

Nah, you wish!

Anyways, I'm gonna run, so

Okay.

Peace.

And follows him

to the sea ♪

HARLEY: So, I got you something.

It's no Phoenix, but

Oh my God!

My jean jacket!

- [Harley giggles]

- Oh!

And the fabric

from our matching PJs!

And the beading

is from your grad cap.

The aunties helped

to get it done in time.

Harley!

This is

Thank you.

Try it on.

You better friggin' wear it

'cause I'll be doing chores

- till I'm dead.

- [laughs]

- Whoa

- Whoa.

This is better than the Phoenix.

- f*ck yeah!

- [laughs]

Wait

Where's your stuff?

Um

I'm not coming.

But no

But we can get you jobs.

- Bartending? Babbage, he can--

- No, no, no. No.

Violet

This is your thing.

Just come.

I can't.

But what are you gonna do?

I

I dunno.

I'll figure it out, okay?

But promise me one thing.

Anything.

Always

and I mean always

check for g*dd*mn skidmarks!

Come here!

♪

♪

CHERYL: Aw, yeah.

I can't believe all the sh*t

you pulled off, scammer.

Yeah!

None of this would have

happened without you.

Yeah, we don't

gotta do all this, so

What I said when we broke up

was messed up.

You're a serious person.

Yeah

Maybe I'm too serious now,

but [laughs]

Hey, you gave me

a real kick in the arse,

so call it even.

You're the dopest

person I know.

[distant sirens]

Yeah, I don't know

about that, so

♪

♪

- [door slams]

- Oh!

HARLEY: The West is calling!

CHERYL: Uh, oh, uh

roadtrip funds.

Per diems,

as they call it in the biz.

- For real?

- I run a legit operation.

I still can't believe that

Tyler just gave the van back.

Yeah.

He just don't know it yet.

♪

♪

- VIOLET: Oh, Harley

- Yeah?

Give this to Shelley.

I was gonna mail it, but

maybe just don't be there

when she opens it.

You didn't tell her

you're bailing on school?

I was gonna call her

on the road.

Oh, sh*t.

Bye!

HARLEY: I love you!

♪

♪

[Langside snorts]

♪

♪

They'll be f*cking back.

♪

♪