04x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

Tom.

Let's see how they like it.

Oh, don't, you'll only make things worse.

Having fun, are we?

You might like living like pigs, but we don't.

Pigs have got a bad reputation.
They're actually very clean animals.

Oh, come on, Rose.
Look at the state of the place.

Worried about house prices?

You couldn't care less, could you?

Morning.

This is your final warning, Rose.
Next time, I will call the police.

Imagine trying to sell your house
with them next door.

This Breakfast Club seems to be working, Mel.

Do you think anyone will notice you've still got
the same clothes on?

- A spray of my perfume?
- No, thanks.

- Miss Ryan. Mr Lawson.
- Two minutes. I'm just popping to the office.

Max, it's me. You're supposed to be helping me
supervise. You'd better get in here. Now.

Right. Pick that up.

In the bin.

Right. Who threw that?

- Get out. You're barred.
- What? I haven't chucked anything.

- It wasn't even us, I swear. It was them.
- It were them. Them. Honest.

Our supply is stuck in traffic. I need someone
to cover the first half of his lesson one.

So... Who?

Right. Grantly, I believe that you have
some time free.

I have, actually, but it's my PPA time.

"Staff cannot be redirected
to undertake any other duties,

including cover for absent colleagues."

- Right.
- I'll do it.

We were that enthusiastic once.

Enthusiastic, yes. A brown-noser, never.

Thank you very much, Davina.
The problem is it's Year 11 PSHE group.

Well, I've got to learn sometime.
Experience and all that.

Right, well, I'll get Eddie to watch over you.

Listen, this supply teacher is here for about
three weeks. I believe he is quite a character.

So how about you follow him for the day,
see how he deals with new classes?

Yeah. That'd be great.

Good. His name is Maaka, Maaka Lacey.
I believe he's from New Zealand.

Enough!

The lot of you.

Now outside. Now!

Out!

I thought you were supposed to be doing
the cover sheet today.

Yeah. Sorry.

Excuse me. That Breakfast Club,
it's like World w*r Flaming Three.

No prizes for guessing who's helping Mel
with her extracurricular activities.

He had that shirt on yesterday,
the dirty stop-out.

Oh, come on.
You could at least pretend to be interested.

Some of us have more pressing things
on our minds than staffroom tittle-tattle, Steph.

Fleur still giving you earache?

I'm convinced that... Walk!
...something's going on.

Oh, don't be so daft.

Fleur hasn't got a man. She's got you.

Grantly,

can I give you a friendly word of advice?

Nobody in their right mind wants to see
that thing staring back at them.

It makes you look like somebody off
Britain's Most Wanted.

Just... have a quiet word with her.

Put her mind at rest.

- Tom, we need to talk to you.
- We're a teacher down, love. Can't it wait?

Well, it's just me and Donte reckon
it's time that we had our own place.

Because of the Kellys?

We had to go sooner or later.

Why give them the satisfaction?

What?

We want to sell the house.

Chlo, have you thought about this?

We'll let you have first bid at buying us out, like.
That's if you want.

There's no rush, is there?
I mean, it's not exactly the best time to sell, is it?

We'll talk about it later, yeah? I just wanted
to let you know as soon as we'd decided.

Tom.

Did Maxine behave last night?

Hello.

She stayed at yours last night.

Er, no, she didn't.

Yeah. Her and Chlo had a study-over.

I was round at the Kellys this morning.
She was there, with Earl.

She stayed at the Kellys?

- Are you going to be OK?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine.

I know most of this lot, so...

- Well, you know where I am.
- Thanks.

Come on. Settle down.

Right. Let's make a start.

All blondes are b*mbos.

I'd agree with that.

Yeah, and all boxers are stupid.

Today's lesson is going to be
about exploring stereotypes...

...understanding what stereotyping is
and how this influences our own behaviour.

Maxine.

- You have a good night at Chlo's?
- It was all right.

I know you were with him.

I thought we had an agreement.

We didn't do anything, I swear.
I just crashed there.

Maxine, I know what teenage boys are like.
They're not fussy where they get it.

He's not getting it from me.

And what did Rose have to say
about you staying over?

Lt was her idea.
She reckons I can stay whenever I like.

Is that right?

I can take care of myself, Steph.

Hi.

Maaka Lacey. You must be Rachel.

What a journey.

Two hours to travel 20 miles.

Really? Actually, I'm not Rachel. My name is
Steph, Steph Haydock. Head of French.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Steph. I thought you were
a little too young to be head teacher.

- Can you take me to your leader?
- My pleasure.

Maaka.

It's a bit like Sir Paul McCartney, isn't it?

I ain't cleaning this lot up.

I don't expect you to.

Right, Janeece.

Can you identify the culprits, please?

Lt was all of 'em.

Yes, but let's have some names.

- You're supposed to be a supervisor.
- I told you this idea were no good.

Alex, you are such a bad... person.

I'll, er, call you right back.

No worries. I'll... er... I'll clean up.

Miss, can I go and get changed?

Yes, you can, of course,
and it wasn't your fault, Janeece.

It's not her fault. It is your fault.
How could leave Janeece in charge?

There was something I had to do.
This thing hasn't stopped ringing all morning.

By all means, delegate,
but you've got to stay on top of things, Melissa.

"Adequate supervision at all times."

I'm... really sorry, Rachel.
I promise it won't happen again.

What was it that was so important
that made you abandon Janeece to the mob?

I'm not sure I buy that phone excuse.
Every time I call you, it's switched off.

Well, I'll go and find you some volunteers.

So, we've got a definition.

"A generalisation is a broad idea
about a group of people or things."

So, how do we arrive at these generalisations?

Karla?

Miss, it's like my Asperger's.
People assume that I'm going to be difficult.

Just because they've met one person
who might be, it doesn't mean we all are.

Yes. That's excellent.

Yeah, and they say redheads
have got a bad temper.

- They have.
- Shut it, you.

Let's take a look at some
of the vocabulary used when stereotyping.

Our little induction. Do's and don'ts
and a list of troublemakers and malcontents.

They'll all get a clean slate with me.

There's a lad on there, Earl Kelly.
Keep your eye on him. Trouble.

Miss Shackleton, sorry for interrupting.
This is Mr Lacey.

- Maaka.
- Hello.

Davina's on our Graduate Training Course.
You don't mind if she shadows you for the day?

Or longer, even. If you don't mind?

No. No problem with me.

- Great. Well, I'll leave you to it, then.
- Thanks.

I've... erm...

I've been following this lesson outline.

I can keep going, if you want.

Stereotypes?

Nah, it's fine. They're paying me to teach.

I never take money for nothing.

Kia ora, Year Eleven.

I'm Maaka Lacey. I'm from New Zealand.

Miss?

Shackleton.

Miss Shackleton tells me
you're doing stereotypes.

OK. Let's hear some of
your first impressions of me.

Why have you got kryptonite round your neck?

Good morning, madam.
Could I ask your business?

I'm Fleur Budgen, Grantly's wife.

Oh. Step right through. I'll just take your bag.

I'll just give you one of our visitors' badges.

Thanks.

Right. I'll, er, I'll ring Mr Budgen in the staffroom.

Oh, no. It's all right. I don't want him to know
I'm here. I'm here to see Steph Haydock.

We're organising a surprise birthday party
for Grantly.

I'll go and get Steph for you.

Thank you.

The Maori have a close kinship
with our environment.

We're what you would refer to as,
"tangata whenua".

A what?

Tangata whenua.

- It means, "people of the land".
- What is he on about?

- There's no need to be rude.
- I was only asking.

Ask away, Michaela. It's only through curiosity
that we learn about each other.

Let's get a couple of you up on your feet.

We're going to say hello to each other,
Maori style.

Let's clear these desks.

I thought we paid you
to deliver Extended Services.

You know what?

There's something sexy
about a woman in Marigolds.

It's the rubber. Admit it.

Underneath your skin

I heard you, er, took a bit of a bollocking.

Do you think you're going to get one
when she finds out about us?

You know, at this rate, we're going to have
to get you a full-time secretary.

I can do my own dictation.

Hello. Melissa Ryan speaking.

My hands are a bit full at the moment, I'm afraid.

The "hongi" or "the breath of life"

signifies that you are no longer a visitor,
but a tangata whenua.

Come on, then.

Go on, then. Get stuck in.

Stick your tongue in.

This is so g*y, sir.

There's nothing g*y about the hongi.

So why have you got me rubbing him up, then?

That was very interesting.
I don't want to tell you how to do your job,

but, normally, we have to report comments
like that, you know.

Comments like what?

The remarks some of the boys were making -
h*m* remarks.

By not challenging them,
it looks like you condone it.

Why didn't you challenge them?

I didn't think it was my place.

Exactly.

And I saw fit to let it go.

It wouldn't make any difference
if I'd challenged them or not.

"h*m*", as you call it,
is endemic in all human culture.

Well, it may be endemic where you come from,
but we have a code of conduct in this school.

You see, where I come from, you'd be guilty
of the same thing you accuse those boys.

I'm sorry?

Prejudice.

I'm not prejudiced.

No?

Where I come from we have to report comments
like the one you've just made.

Where can I get a cup of tea around here?

...you know, about you and Grantly.

Dave, I've known Fleur Budgen for years.

Look, what is going on between me and Grantly
has got nothing to do with you.

I'm sorry, but it hasn't.

I know that, Steph, but have a heart, man.

The poor woman's organising
a birthday party for the man.

Yes, I know she is and I'm helping her with it.

Fleur, hiya, love.

Oh, thanks for seeing me, Steph.

- He's not around, is he?
- No. Don't worry about him.

He'll be having a cup of tea
with his racing paper in the staffroom.

Hey. How did it go?

He is so arrogant

and he hasn't got a clue what he's doing.

You know, I was halfway through a lesson
and the kids were really on task

and then he comes in
and spends the rest of it talking about himself.

I take it this is the supply teacher
you're talking about. Stole your thunder, did he?

Tom, it's not funny.

He let the kids get away with making
really offensive remarks

and then he accuses me of being prejudiced.

I'm stuck with him for the rest of the day now.

Hello?

- I'm here.
- Yeah, I was listening.

How come you're reading that?
Are you thinking of selling up?

No, but Chlo and Donte are.

It is their house.

So, what are you saying?
We just let the Kellys win?

Tom, it's not about winning.
It's about what's right for the girls.

Maybe me and you could buy it off them.

As soon as I qualify, we're going to have
two good salaries coming in.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah. Why not?

Arrange a valuation.

Nothing to lose.

- Are you going to be OK?

I'm shadowing him, aren't I?

Is that a good idea,
after everything that's happened?

I'm a student. Remember? I do as I'm told.

Some schools I teach in you never see
the Head on the corridor. Well done you.

Oh, Maaka.

Now, listen, we asked Davina to stand in,
to hold the fort, just till you got here,

but I was hoping that she would be able
to shadow you, I guess, just while you're with us.

I found it very interesting.

She was giving a lecture on...

...stereotypes when I arrived.

Maybe she needs to be a pupil for a little longer.

What do you mean?

"Racism" is such an emotive word.

I don't use it lightly.

But I think Davina is guilty of subtle racism,
hard to identify, but just as pernicious.

- I got away with it, without him seeing me.
- Aye.

Aye, that you did. Aye.

Listen, Fleur...

How long have you known Steph?

Oh, she's worked with Grantly for years.
Ten, I think.

She's a good mate, like?

Oh, yeah. She's been round ours loads of times.

I bet she has.

Listen, Fleur, if I was to tell you something about
Steph, you'd see that I was doing it to...

I have absolutely no axe to grind.

Do you know that?

I don't understand you.

Steph and Grantly.

They're having an affair.

It's true, pet, they're lovers.
They have been for some time.

Who told you this?

Well, I had my suspicions as soon as I came
here, like, but Steph told me, flat out, admitted it.

Do you know... I knew there's been
something up with my Grantly.

I'm sorry, Fleur, but I just couldn't... er...

Bonjour.

Je peux vous aider?

Come on. We went through this last week.

J'ai perdu...

Everybody just carry on with what you're doing.

Fleur?

You've ruined my life.

I've had you in my house.

You've had your tea with us.

- Fleur?
- Don't touch me.

I never want to see you again.

You're welcome to the miserable old sod.

I don't know what you're talking about.
You're not making any sense.

Oh, don't play daft. I've heard it from the security
man, who has seen it with his own eyes.

You're having an affair with my Grantly.

Fleur...

You're nothing but a floozy.

Fleur, come back. There's been a mistake.

Mistake is what it is.

As he's about to find out.

And what are you lot gawping at?

Davina, thanks for coming.

Right, well, I think we need to,
well, just clear the air a little, don't we?

Lt seems that, in the last lesson,
some things were said and Maaka is alleging...

Not "alleging". I don't want this
to sound like we're in a court of law.

Sorry.

Maaka has informed me that you made several
barbed comments about his background.

No. Not at all.

All I said was, in our culture,
we don't stand for h*m*.

Maybe I can clear the air.

Miss Shackleton felt I should have challenged
some remarks a few of the boys said.

I'll hold my hands up to that,

but, as I explained, h*m*,

and I don't agree with it, is part of
not just my culture but all human cultures.

Yes, that may be true, but, in our school,
we have very strict antidiscrimination policies.

Thanks to Miss Shackleton,
I am now aware of the situation.

However, I did take great offence
at the way she appeared to ridicule my culture,

as if we were still living in the Dark Ages.

No. That is not what I was saying, at all.

Do you know what I think we have here?

I think we have a very basic,
simple misunderstanding.

OK. Look...

I didn't mean to offend you.

And, if I have, then I am truly sorry.

I can vouch for Davina.
I can't imagine she'd try and insult you.

Great.

Look, you two have both got a free period next.
Why don't you take Maaka to meet Melissa?

She's in charge of our Adult Education,
always on the look-out for a good teacher.

- Sounds good.
- Great. Have a good day together.

Yeah. I'm sure we will.

Davina, can I just quickly?

If he had decided to push this,
you could be in real trouble.

Accusations of racism are not taken lightly.

Racism?

That's what he's claiming,
if I hadn't talked him round.

Just be careful about what you say.

"How the chimney sweeper's cry,
every blackening church..."

I'll sort the estate agent out tomorrow.
How much do you reckon we'll get?

Donte, I can't just turf him out, can I?

"...thro' midnight streets I hear
how the youthful harlots curse..."

We're gonna be able to afford
one of them flash apartments on Deansgate.

"...blights with plague the marriage-hearse..."

How could you, Grantly?
You always did have a thing for bottle blondes.

- Fleur!

No way!

What is wrong with you, woman?

Does 31 years of marriage
mean nothing to you, Grantly?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I should have guessed there was something
going on when you got that rug.

You're going mad.

Don't come the innocent. Everyone knows
you've been having it off with Steph Haydock.

Shut up!

Do you find the low spec makes these
a little sluggish?

Personally, I'm not too keen
on this operating system.

You've a good set-up here, Mel,
although, when I was in New Zealand,

the school I taught at offered much more
to its Adult Learners.

Let me guess.
Maaka's three favourite topics of conversation.

- Maaka, Maaka and Maaka?
- Mm.

Well, be careful he doesn't hear you.

He's already accused me of being r*cist.

He said I insulted his culture.

I'll do more than insult him,
if he makes one more crack about my spec.

Look, will you listen to me?

Lt's not true.

It... is... not...

true.

Look, do you want to know what I thought?

I thought that it was you
that was having the affair.

What do you think all this is about?

I was just trying to make myself look younger
for you.

So it's not true?

Of course it isn't.

Well, why did that security man say different?

Because...

Because he's a nosy sod, who thinks
he's a lot more on the ball than he actually is.

Yeah. Really nosy.

Look at the pair of you.
You had me almost believing you there.

Fleur, he got it wrong.

You might think I'm daft, Grantly Budgen,
but I'm not.

I think you could have done a lot better.

A upane, kaupane.

A upane, kaupane, whiti te ra!

Kaupane.

A upane, kaupane, whiti te ra!

Ka mate is a haka and it's over 200 years old.
It means, "the celebration of life over death".

Sir, we're supposed to be doing
the Weimar Republic and n*zi Germany.

Please don't interrupt. That's very rude.

I'm not being rude. I'm just stating a fact. Maori
culture is not on the History GCSE syllabus.

Well... that's your loss.

Today, we're going to be learning
a little about my heritage.

If it's not on the syllabus, there's no point.

You really are a very ill-mannered young lady.

Excuse me, Mr Lacey.

- Karla doesn't mean to be rude.
- Thank you.

When I need your advice, I'll ask for it.

Let me tell you something, young lady,
if the Maori culture isn't on your syllabus,

then, to coin a phrase, it bloody well should be!

Ooh!

And, when I'm in charge,
I'll tell you what is and isn't on the syllabus.

But it's not up to you what is or is not
on the syllabus. It's up to the exam board.

Sit down.

It's all right. You are absolutely right.

Miss Shackleton, sit down.
I haven't finished with this girl.

Now!

Can I have a word with you, Mr Lacey?

Outside, please.

Karla has Asperger's.
Do you even know what that is?

No. We've never heard of Asperger's Syndrome
where I come from. Care to enlighten me?

Look, I've been watching you all morning
and you haven't taught these kids a thing.

Don't you dare tell me how to teach my classes.

Teach? You can't teach. But talk about yourself?
Oh, yeah, you can do that.

- I don't want you back in my lesson.
- Well, that's not your decision.

Yes, it is. You're out.

Thank you, Stephanie!

Oh, come on, Grantly. She's soon going
to realise I was telling her the truth,

especially when Dave ends up in court
for stalking me.

Look, I know I've been a ditzy cow...

Even if I do get through,

there is still the indignity of having my private life
the subject of gossip and open ridicule.

Would you like it?

And how I'm meant to face that class again
after such a humiliating spectacle...

Well... you...

face them wearing that.

Right. Come on. As quick as you like.

Anyone want to see Clarkson do one?

Give me the phone.

What phone?

I'm going to ask you once more.
Hand over the mobile phone.

Right, you lot. Get your coursework files out.
I'll be two minutes.

Two minutes.

Lt's Earl.

No way.

You're gonna get done, Earl.

Right. Where?

Earl's just walked out of Clarkson's.

- Where are you going?
- He's asked me to meet him.

He just snaps his fingers and you just run.

I know. It's dead weird, innit?

I never really know where I am with him.

'Scuse me?

Like, that's a good thing?

Yes, you might well "uh-oh".

Look, Steph, call me old-fashioned,

but I can't stand by and let a decent woman
be cheated on by her husband.

Well, no thanks to you and your hoofing
size twelves, everything is sorted.

What? You mean, she's forgiven him, like?

Yeah, and me.

All out in the open.

So, that's it? The end of the affair?

Yeah, and just so you know,

any chance you might have had with me
is well and truly down the Swanee.

- Well, if you're free...
- I'm not free.

- But you said...
- Yes, I know what I said.

You're mental, you are. What's going to happen
when Clarkson gets you?

Don't know. Don't care.

- You're going to get thrown out.
- I thought Mason wasn't throwing anybody out.

Well, don't you care about your education,
exams and that? You're dead clever.

A lot cleverer than most of the teachers
in this place.

- God, I love you.
- I hope you do.

Do you love me?

Come on. I'll show you.

I can't wait until tonight.

Oh, yeah? What does that mean?

I'd like to make a formal complaint
about the student teacher you saddled me with.

- Davina? What's happened now?
- I've tried, Rachel, I really have.

But I've never met anyone so obstructive
or unhelpful.

I'm telling you, she's one narky piece of work.

Kelly, open the door.

Either that or I kick it off its hinges.

Er, thanks, Max, for sorting that itch.

Cooler. Now.

You are such a wimp. Men are such cowards.

She's your sister. You tell her.

I will.

Do it sensitively. Yeah?
She's still a bit vulnerable.

Look at you. She's got you wrapped around
her little finger.

No.

Hello. So, this is where you're hiding.

Yeah. Me and Mel were just talking about
the Davina situation.

He's just made a formal complaint against her.

He is such a chancer.
Honestly, Rachel, just tell him to sling his hook.

What are you going to do?

I guess I'll speak with her.

Oh, I just really don't need this right now.

Right, well, er...

If you need any help, let me know, I, erm...

I'd better go.

Right.

Thanks very much, Eddie.

Is there something wrong with him?

Look, Rachel, there's really no easy way
of telling you this.

Er, me and Eddie have been seeing each other
for a week.

Rachel...

he is absolutely amazing.

He's hardly been home in two days.

You forget what that... frisson
of a new relationship does for you.

So, when... did this?

Oh... My first day.

You know what they say, "Sex is good therapy."

Lt's about time you got someone, big sis.

Work wonders.

What's this I hear about your boys'
training session at lunchtime?

Oh, yeah, we've got a league match
after school, so...

What about my girls?

Well, it's hardly on the same level, is it?

Meaning what, exactly?

Girls' football.

It's just a bit of fun, isn't it?

And what would you rather them do?
Cheerleading?

I'm sure you've had worse ideas than that,
Miss Koreshi.

- Davina, I need a word.
TOM: Rachel.

Yes?

Lt's Earl Kelly.

I have just caught him
with Maxine Barlow in the toilets.

Right.

OK. Give me a sec and...

Rachel, this needs sorting now.

Right.

I think we both know what was going on, Earl.

It's a serious breach of rules. Normally, you'd
spend two days in isolation away from Maxine.

What?

But, instead,

Mr Clarkson and I will arrange a meeting
with your mother, to discuss your future.

I can't stop you and Maxine associating outside
the school gates. In here, it is a different matter.

Right?

Go on. Get on your way.

He hates me...

...and my family.

I don't hate anybody.

The lad is unhinged. He needs sorting out.

Tom, I am aware of your home circumstances,
in relation to the Kellys.

Yeah.

Is it beginning to affect your dealings
with this family?

No.

- Davina and the supply teacher and now this.
- Why? What happened with Davina?

Nothing. You just both seem to be struggling
at the moment.

Probably sleep deprivation.
It hardly sets you up for the day, does it?

- Well, that's what I'm worried about.
- But we're dealing with it.

I am right about Earl Kelly, Rachel. We haven't
seen the half of what he's capable of.

What's gone on now?

Nothing for you to stick your fat oar into.

That Earl Kelly is a cheeky flaming article.

- Yeah, you're telling me.
- Is Maxine in trouble?

- No. Rachel's let them off with a slapped wrist.
- Let them off what?

You'll have to ask Maxine. I'm not Clark Kent.
I can't see through toilet doors.

What's happened?

I caught them in the loo together.

- Right. I'm going to see that mother of his.
- Believe me, you don't want to do that.

Tom, I am not having Maxine hooking up
with another dead leg. No way.

Wait up.

A formal complaint?
Lt's me who should be complaining.

You know he's not actually teaching them
anything?

I mean, he shouted at Karla.

He even shouted at me.

Davina, I've tried my best to avoid this.

I have to follow a procedure.

So, what?

Do I need to get my union involved?

Lt would be an idea to speak with them, yes.

No doubt Grantly will advise you
on your position.

- Why am I getting the blame?
- No-one's getting the blame.

Well, it sounds like it.

It is just a procedure and it's one that I'm hoping
we can solve with mediation.

Obviously, we'll have to pull you out of
Maaka's classes. Sit in with me next lesson.

Yeah, just move me. Don't tackle the real issue.

Davina, there is no issue. He's a supply teacher.

Pretty obvious who's going to be believed, then.

RACHEL: Come on, Davina.

I'll have a word.

Erm, Eddie?

I just wanted to let you know
that I know about Melissa and you.

I don't know if "congratulations" is the word,

but, erm, yeah, congratulations.

Thanks.

It's early days.

Well, as long as it doesn't affect
your professional responsibilities.

Grantly?

You know, if another teacher makes
an accusation...

Oh, is this about you giving our
Antipodean supply teacher a hard time?

"Hello, I'm not actually a teacher yet,
but I'll tell you how to do your job."

"By the way,
your country's 20 years behind the times."

I'll give you a word of warning.
Be careful what you say to people.

It has a way of coming back
and biting you on the backside.

Are you OK?

No. He's made a formal...

Right. I'm ready. b*llet-proof vest. The lot.

Don't ask.

We'll talk when I get back.

Hello. Mr Patrick, it's Rachel.

Yeah. Rachel Mason.

I'm fine. Thank you. Yeah.

Well, I was just ringing, er...

...to see if it's possible for us to meet up and...

discuss the options open to me.

Well, any time, really. Any time would be fine.

Tonight? Tonight...

Yes. That would be fantastic.

Yeah. Great.

Well, if that's all right with you,
I'll meet you here later.

Yes. Thank you very much. Bye.

Aren't we playing outside today, miss?

No. Mr Cleaver's booked the pitch
for his boys' team.

That's well out of order.

Unfortunately,
not everyone's keen on girls' football.

That's dead sexist, that is, miss.

Exactly, Janeece.
Do you know what he suggested?

That we get rid of the girls' football team
and... wait for it,

form a cheerleading squad?

- What? Us? Cheerleaders?
- Like in Bring lt On?

- That'd be mint.
- Please, Maxine.

- The cheerleader gets the fit bloke.
- Never mind the sexy gear.

I've always fancied a go of them pompoms.

Give us a W-A-T-E-R

L-O-O!

What do you get? Waterloo Road!

- Are you here for the valuation?
- Yeah.

I'm Tom Clarkson.

After you.

Good luck.

Are you from the Social?

No. I'm Steph Haydock. I teach at
Waterloo Road. I'm Maxine's guardian.

Can I come in?

- Have you got ID?
- Erm...

Will a bank card do?

Lt was a joke. I know who you are.

You're still not coming in.

Right, then, I'll get straight to the point. Maxine is
leading me a merry dance, at the minute.

Yeah, she's a character.

It took a boot to the wall
to shut herself and Earl up, last night.

Listen, if you're here to have a go at me for
letting them sleep together, it's a waste of time.

- How long have you lived here?
- Two years.

Well, I don't actually own it.
It's my ex-girlfriend's house.

It's now owned by her two girls.
I'm just living here with my new partner.

Good neighbours?

Yeah. They're OK. They've got kids, but...

We've had quite a few clients in this street
in the last month. They're not selling.

That'll put any buyer off.

Look, I'm appealing to you as a mother.

They've been caught... They've been caught
in the toilets together at school.

Oh, come on.

Don't tell me you've never had
your arse up against a bog door.

Do you know, I'm sorry, I thought that we could
have a reasonable conversation.

Oh, and, by the way, Tom's thinking of selling.

I might have been interested, but now I know
he's living next door to the town dump,

I don't think I'll bother.

Six months ago, I'd have said
you'd be looking at... 200 grand.

Now you're going to have to compete
with the rest of the street.

Well, now I know why you call her
"the neighbour from hell".

What?

You're a scabby cow, Maxine.

Doing it in them toilets.
You could have caught anything.

Earl reckons Bolton Smilie fancies you.

We're not all paedos.

So you don't think he's fit?

I wouldn't snog him if you paid me.

Let me guess. Mr Lacey?

All I need is one more accusation against me
and I'm looking for a new job.

No way.

There's no coming back
once you've been branded a r*cist.

It's not going to come to that.

Can't we do something else?
This is really boring me.

Might as well go home.

OK, everyone.

Who can tell me the capital of...

New Zealand?

Wellington.

Earl!

Earl?

Do me a favour.

Nip to the library and get me a book on...

...20th century European History.

Me?

Yes.

Take your time.

Something with lots of facts.

Boo!

Miss?

Yeah?

Everyone's been saying
you've been calling that New Zealand teacher...

What are you on about?

You know.

Being dead r*cist and that.

And who's been saying this?

I don't know. I think it's dead tight, though.

If she was r*cist to me, I'd have her sacked.

- Yeah. Too right.
- Cow.

You think you're so much better
than me and my family, don't you?

Why are you out of your class?

This from a guy who moves a blonde slapper in
just months after his girlfriend gets sliced.

Oh, yeah, I've had all the juicy gossip.

I wouldn't mind a piece of that Davina myself.

Dying to have a pop at me, aren't you?

You're making the biggest mistake
of your life, son.

Dad, where have you been all my life?

Is it true what they say about Davina?

She likes 'em young?

You see? You're just like me.

Get out.

Oh, don't worry, Tom. This will stay...

I said, get out.

Don't you think things are so much better
when they're out in the open?

...and he's giving it all the big, big,
yeah, yeah, ra-ra.

And I was like, "Mate, if you don't move..."

Girls, you can go and take a break if you want.

So this guy, right, he's standing...

...I tell you what, the girls in Glasgow, mate.

Oh...

He could have let the whole class out by now.

What are you doing out of class, lad?

That new teacher let me out to go to t'library.

Oh? Did he now?

The library's that way.

- Ah, so it is.
- Follow me.

Life isn't all that complicated...

...personally, I'm a bit of an Arsenal fan...

Come on.

Just look around and wonder

I found this lot wandering around the corridors.

Can I have a word outside?

Quiet!

Anyway...

The lad. Earl Kelly.

You remember?

The one I said not to let out of your sight.

Yes. Sure.

That's him?

Why did you choose him to go to the library?

Luck of the draw, I guess, Eddie.

And the others?

I like to give my students a bit of freedom.

OK.

We've got a bit of a health-and-safety issue
here, haven't we, Maaka?

Point taken.

Eddie, I'll lasso them to their chairs.

No worries.

Rachel.

I'm resigning as Head of Pastoral Care.

What? What's going on?

The Kellys.
I can't do Pastoral Care while they're here.

I know I had my concerns about you and the
Kellys, but never about your ability to do the job.

Well, you don't need to concern yourself
any more.

Wait a minute. Tell me what's happened.

- I almost hit Earl Kelly.
- I think Davina was right.

- Can you wait?
- I'm not sure I'll be able to stop myself next time.

In fact, I know that I won't.

He came into the office goading me. I was
that close to putting him through a window.

- Earl Kelly? When?
- Half an hour ago.

I put it down in writing, straightaway,
in case I changed my mind.

- Think about this when you've calmed down.
- This isn't up for debate, Rachel.

- I'm resigning.
- Come on, Tom. Please?

Great!

That's all we need.

Maaka Lacey is responsible for this.

Excuse me?

He let Earl wander round the school, when
I specifically told him to keep him in lessons.

Davina, can you come with me for a minute?

Come on.

Mr Lacey.

They were just having a chat.

They've worked pretty well.

Right.

You're getting an easy time of it, huh?

You can sit and chat at lunch and break times.

Idleness is not an option in Year Twelve, is it?

Miss Shackleton?

Thank you, Miss Mason.

Can I have a word with you
and can you bring your stuff?

So...

Has everyone got a copy of the textbook?

We're going to be discussing Medieval Britain.
Turn to page 40.

Scotland in the Middle Ages.

Section B. The w*r of Independence.

Does anyone have any questions?

You know, today, I was reminded of
just how important every single lesson is

and the difference
a conscientious teacher can make.

That's why we came into the profession.

Yeah. I don't think you were making
much of a difference today, were you, Maaka?

I think I gave them something different, yeah.

Thanks to Davina, those kids will go home

with more than they would have done
if you'd let them chat all day.

You can register your hours in the office.

Oh, and as for your formal complaint,
if you decide to pursue it,

you should know that I'm going to be
backing Davina the whole way.

She cares about children. I don't know
what you care about. It's certainly not our kids.

Your kids? You talk about them
like they're little angels.

Half of them are a bunch of whining little bullies.

The other half don't even have
the brains they were born with.

No worries. I wouldn't come back here
if you begged me.

Sorry. Have you been waiting long?

No.

- Are you OK?
- Yeah.

Well, I've had better days.

No, I'm fine. What say we ditch these two
and go out on the lash, eh?

- Thanks.
- Well, haven't you two got a flat to buy?

We're buying you out. The house is worth
about a hundred and fifty grand.

So you should have a fair whack to put down
as a deposit, if that's what you want.

Yes.

So, when can this happen?

Soon as.

Right, well, come on, babe.
We're going to hit the town. Cheers, Tom.

Davina, er, look, as you might have guessed,
Maaka Lacey is not coming back.

You were dead right, Davina.
He's a lazy waste of space.

I told her. I said not to stand
any messing from him.

If it wasn't for his incompetence, you'd never
have had that conflict with Earl Kelly.

Yeah, so we've got a proposition for you.

Yeah. We understand how hard it is for you
to separate home and school at the moment.

So, as from today,
I'll be handling everything to do with the Kellys.

Let's see it as you avoiding a conflict of interest.

Thank you. I'll... erm... I'll think about it.

Good. Well, we'll see you later.

- See you.
- Have a good night.

It won't happen again.

I'm sorry.

You'd better make sure it doesn't, young lady.

I think you should come home with me after this.

Can we go out for some tea? I'm starving.

Go on.

You'd better come and take a look at this.

Why? What's going on?

Ah. OK.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Waterloo Road! Ready? OK.

Give me a W-A-T-E-R-L-O-O!

What do you get? Waterloo Road!

I couldn't stop them. Ever since I mentioned it.

What are we going to do with girls today?

Right, boys. Football.

He is the fittest teacher
I've ever, ever seen in my whole life.

Bolton, what you think?

- It's all right.
- Do you not think it's a bit sexy?

Lt's a bit short, innit?

- Text me later.
- Yeah, I will.

- What the?
- I thought you might want these.

They probably mean more to you than I did.

Now, come on, love. Hm?

Let's be reasonable.

No. That's it, Grantly.

You needn't bother coming back to the house.

Fleur?

This is ludicrous... What are you doing?

Your best shirt and tie is there,
if you want to impress her.

It's over, Grantly.

I just hope she's worth it.

Mr Patrick?
- Hi. Hello.

Thank you so much for seeing me.

It's no trouble and, please, Benjamin.

Benjamin? OK.

- Shall we... go somewhere?

Why don't we go somewhere
a bit more private? Shall we?

Just when you think you've seen
the back of us for the day.

Benjamin, this is Melissa, my sister,
and this is Eddie, my deputy.

Ooh. "My deputy."

No flies on you.
Where have you been hiding this one?

- I'm sorry, I'm...
- We were just heading off.

Somewhere expensive, I hope.
I heard that new place in town is really nice.

Right.

See you tomorrow.

- Yeah.
- Bye.

That is a woman in love.

Honestly, Maxine, she's like one of them women
you'd find in the jungle,

like she's been raised by wolves or something.

I'm telling you, she's wild.

- That lad is trouble.
- I've heard you.

This is my final year. I'm not going to chuck it
all away for a lad who's in Year Eleven.

Good.

Steph, is it true you're shagging Mr Budgen?

Max, I might be desperate,
but even I've got some standards.

So, why is he on our doorstep?

Rachel, I'm not sure what happened there.

I really sorry. I...

Well, I just didn't want to explain things
in front of them.

This has to be...

strictly doctor-patient.

There's no misunderstanding here?

Absolutely not. No.

Perhaps I should have arranged this
at the surgery.

Yeah, of course, of course.

- Look, call my secretary in the morning.
- I will. I will.

Are you sure we should buy them out?

I'm not going to let the Kellys win. No way.

If that means we're the last people on the street,
then at least the traffic noise will be down.

Oh, my God. What's that?

Not even he is capable of this.