01x46 - Episode 46

[bunniefuu]

What are you doing here?
You need to leave.

Ooh, I just got here, Teddy.

[laughs]

Be a shame to pull the plug

when the party is
just getting started.

You know her?

Oh, they do say that

to know me is to love me.

Please, don't do this.

So why don't you tell her

how you know me, Teddy?

You were supposed to leave town.

What in blue blazes?

Leslie, look at me.

You don't need to do this.

Can we get her some help?

Oh, well, isn't that a hoot?

Get me some help.

Honey, you're the one that's
gonna need some assistance.

In fact, does anybody

have any smelling salts
around here?

Huh? Or maybe one
of those cardiac paddles?

Because we're gonna need
to shock her,

boom, back to life.

She's done nothing to you, Dana.

Now just go.

Dana? How many names
does she have?

Oh, about as many faces
as that one has.

So are you gonna
tell wifey who I am

to you or should I?

Why do I suddenly feel like
I'm about to lose my family?

Help! Please, someone help!

That woman isn't well.

She's been threatening
Ted and Nicole.

She locked me
in the utility closet.

Someone please get her
out of here!

-Let's get her out of here.
-LESLIE: Hey.

Oh, why you little wretch!

Ted, get Nicole out of here.

LESLIE:
Let go of me!

I have truths to tell.

Would the two of you
please let her go?

Somebody needs to tell me
what the hell is going on here.

I'll tell you everything,
but not here.

Come on with me.

Oh, he'll tell you everything,
Nicole.

Except the truth.

That's what I'm doing here.

I want everyone to know

the truth about who this

pillar of your community
really is.

♪ ♪

Pretty much done
with the rest of my patients.

Time to check on my favorite.

How you feeling?

Better.

Thank you so much
for the anti-nausea meds

and the IV drip.

I'm amazed by how fast
they worked.

Well, we aim to please.

I am never going
to eat bean sprouts again.

We don't know
if it's the sprouts.

-Mm.
-I checked with the nurse

and they're waiting
for the test results.

It could be something else
that arose at the same time.

When will I be discharged?

Later this evening, maybe.

Did you let Nicole know

why we had to miss
the anniversary party?

Yes.

She said she's concerned
about you

and she'd miss us.

Honestly, we probably
won't even be on Nicole's radar.

I'm sure she's having
the night of her life.

All right, baby,
I'll meet you back at home.

I'm stopping by the party
to congratulate

Aunt Nicole and Uncle Ted.

It's their anniversary,
remember?

Yeah, I'll let them know
that you're stuck

at work and you're sorry
you'll have to miss it.

Oh, no, I won't be long.

I mean, I'm late as it is.

I got held up in court.

I probably already missed all
the big family speeches, but...

-[indistinct chatter]
-Get her out of here.

Can you two please get
this lunatic out of here?

NICOLE:
Hold on, I know her.

Is it true
she's been threatening you?

Not physically.

Martin, Smitty, let her go.

She's not dangerous.
Ted, you are mistaken.

This is Sherry, not Dana.

The woman
from the hospital roof.

You've seen her before.

She was at my award ceremony

working with the waitstaff.

Oh, he knows all about Sherry.

Got a little miffed at me
about it.

And got to say, that was
one of my better getups.

Ah, just another detail
on the stack

of pile of crap
he never told you, Nicole.

Mom, this woman is insane.

What else would you call someone
who runs around

pretending
to be different people?

She told me her name was Anna.

MARTIN:
Granddad and I saw her, too.

She came up to us yesterday
at Orphey Gene's,

-and said something
about Bigfoot.
-Put your camera away.

We don't want any more Dupree
family drama streaming live.

Oh, word.

This is Leslie, Mona's friend.

She recommended Eva.

The two of them live together
and cooked up whatever this is.

I'm so sorry.

I tried to stop this. Stop her.

Kind of a last-minute save,
right?

Just to say you did something?

No, I tried sooner,
but she locked me in a closet.

Now, that much is true.

I just helped her out of
a utility closet in the hallway.

So you're the traitor
I have to thank.

I don't understand anything
that is going on right here.

Poor boo.

Don't worry, Your Highness.

You will hear
the whole sordid story.

HAYLEY: Ted and Nicole's
anniversary party

is tonight, isn't it?

Well, I'm just as happy
to miss it.

Look, if it weren't for me,

you'd be there with all
your old friends and family.

Look, you've given up a lot
to be with me and...

I guess I just feel
a little guilty about it.

Well, don't.

Bill, look, I know
you weren't close

to most of your former in-laws,
but you and Ted were friends.

I think you're making it seem
like nothing for my sake.

No, no, babe, no,
that's not it, okay, really.

Listen, don't be fooled
by Ted, either, all right?

He's no better
than the rest of the lot.

-What's all this?
-A little something...

to occupy your time.

I think this bear
only has one eye, but...

-Well, no wonder he was on sale.
-[chuckles]

Dana, don't do this.

I understand you want this
to come out.

It will.

But not now.

You're not in charge
anymore, Mr. Big Shot.

How does it feel
to be on the ground

with us mere mortals?

Leslie, have you lost your mind?

What are you doing?

Something I should have done
years ago.

Leslie...

Or maybe it's Anna.

Mona, would you please
back me up

and tell my mother
this woman lives with Eva

and recommended her to you

for Laura's job?

I am so sorry.

I didn't know
they had hidden motives.

They lied to me, too.

Jacob, please answer.

-Have a seat, I got this.
-Yes, sir.

We are going
to get this poor woman

the help she needs.

We're in the midst
of a medical crisis.

Now, if everyone,
except for immediate family

would please exit
in an orderly fashion...

How about that?

The classic Dupree shell game.

Step right up,
ladies and gentlemen.

Which cup is the truth under?

Oh, Vernon Dupree is the master

of sleight of hand.

As he shuffles the cups,
spins the truth,

weaves his words,
and works his Dupree magic

so none of you will know
which way is up.

See?

Isn't that right, V Dupree?

But sadly for you,

they're not leaving.

Because they want to find out

what the Dupree family
is hiding.

I will give you one last chance

to leave us alone.

Yeah, well, you know, that used
to work before, Teddy Weddy.

All your threats,

hiding me away
behind closed doors.

Well, it's not gonna work
anymore...

...lover.

[sobbing]

What could possibly threaten
Ted's reputation, hmm?

What rumors about the man
are floating around out there?

Absolutely none.

What does that mean, Bill?

-Absolutely none.
-What?

Did you shut something down
for Ted Richardson?

I didn't say that, Hayley.

You didn't have to.

I've worked with you
for a very long time,

and I know your tells.

Besides, you know,
I like this game.

Let's call it
"Ted has a weakness."

-Okay, mm-hmm.
-Okay.

So, let's see...

He drinks too much.

Next.

He cheats at golf?

Oh, okay, now that's...

a no.

But maybe not a hard no.

He cheats at...

No!

He cheats, period. Okay, um...

He cheats on his taxes.

That's a no.

He cheated on his...

wife?

No way.

Ted did not cheat on Nicole.

What?

And normally,
I wouldn't even eat

before a big social engagement,

so I don't feel bloated.

I thought, "It's salad.

What harm can it do?"

And here I am.

I hear you.

Except for the whole
no eating thing.

Shanice does not starve herself.

Why aren't you at the party?

Invitation must have
got lost in the mail.

Oh.

I'm just messing with you.

I mean, someone had to be here
to hold things down.

And we are grateful
you're on duty.

Oh, turned out
to be a sweet night.

-Good heavens.
-What?

This does not look good.

Get Nicole out of here.

All right, uh, let's go.

Come on, sissy,
you don't have to hear

-any more of this insanity.
-I am not leaving.

Still so protective of Nicole.

But not protective enough

that you weren't
my little hanky-panky

lover.

You wanted to stop this, right?

Then stop her.

Tell everybody she's lying.

Oh, kitty Kat.

Oh, honey,
you weren't even born yet.

So you wouldn't know
anything about this.

Mm.

But, Martin, mm,

do you remember when Daddy

used to take you
to the coffee shop

and there was
this really nice waitress,

and she'd always
give you brownies?

Dad...

Ah, you do remember.

Leave my family out of this.

This family?

This family that you were ready
to blow off

for me?

That is a lie!

Wow.

You sounded so convincing
back then.

I actually believed you.

So much so that

I thought you'd be thrilled
when I told you I was pregnant.

It's okay.

You're okay.

Spoiler alert!

Ted was not

thrilled.

No, no.

In fact,

he told me that...

he was going to stay
with his precious Nicole.

Because you were pregnant, too.

I did not say that.

Ted said

that I had to leave town.

That I had to get an ab*rtion.

You can imagine how I felt,
right?

Right?!

I was crushed.

But...

...I don't roll over.

Oh, no.

Leslie Thomas doesn't
roll over for anybody.

So you know what Ted did, huh?

Oh, I'll tell you.

Oh, he pulled out the big g*ns.

He pulled out the cannons.

And, uh...

he called Bill Hamilton.

You guys have heard
of Bill Hamilton, Esquire,

right?

Oh, yeah?

You know what an operator he is.

Right?

Bill offered me money
to leave town

and dared me to go through

with...

having my baby.

He said that if I didn't do it,

that my kid and I
wouldn't be safe.

He told me that I could

pull up to a-a stoplight

and someone in the next car
would leap out

and grab my baby!

He said he'd sell my baby...

...to the black market.

To the highest bidder.

Stop it.

That is an insane lie.

Don't you dare act
like you don't know

what Bill Hamilton would do.

That's why you called him.

And it worked, too.

I gave in.

But to a point.

Yeah, I took your money.

I told you
I was gonna get an ab*rtion.

I went to Chicago

and I had my baby in secret.

What did you say?

Oh, you haven't
been formally introduced.

This is your daughter, Eva.

[exhales]

No, no.

This is impossible. Eva...

cannot be my daughter.

You told him you had
an ab*rtion?

I was just trying
to protect you, honey.

You weren't protecting me.

You let me believe my own father
wanted nothing to do with me.

How was that protection?

What was I supposed to do
when the man didn't even

act like you existed?

She made me believe you knew
you had a child out there.

You just didn't care.

Okay, enough!

This hot mess is a con.

Can't you see this, Dad?

And nobody should be
listening to this.

Especially you, Mom.

Maybe we should just

let your mom and dad
talk in private, okay?

Yes, please.

We need to talk this through.

Oh, God.

I can't do this.

I can't. I can't. I can't.

Tell me, what in heaven's name
am I to make of this?

Please, sir, not now.

I have to go catch my wife.

Remember, smarty Marty,

Eva's your half sister.

Treat her like family.

Enough out of you.

You're done.

Show's over.

She's not gonna
get away with this.

Let it be, baby.

For now.

Did you hear what that woman
said about Dad?

This is a total nightmare.

Dad, stop!

I have to find your mother.

She's not outside.

I can't believe
what I just heard in there.

Yeah.

You and everybody else.

And not only what happened--

when it happened.

A year before Kat was born?

I know what that means.

It's the thing
you and Mom whisper about

when you don't think
I'm listening.

When she was recovering
from miscarriages.

She was depressed, scared,

at her lowest point in life.

And you respond by getting
another woman pregnant?

Son, this is not the time.

And I remember that woman.

Dana, Leslie,
whatever her name is.

And I remember the lunches

because it was you and me on
those barstools in that diner.

You used me, a little child,

as a cover-up story, so you
could sleep around on Mom.

You're despicable!

SMITTY:
Hey. Hey, Martin. Hey, hey.

Hey, stop. Calm down, okay?

You need to breathe.

Let's go.

TED:
Smitty, get him out of here.

[shouts]

Ted...

I can't. I can't right now.

-I didn't mean for--
-No.

[chuckles]

I don't need you
to talk right now.

I--

All that keeps running through
my head

is that I should have listened

to Kat.

She was right.

She knew all along...

that you were up to no good.

Yeah.

She saw through me.

But don't you want to know why?

Mama drilled it into me.

Okay? I heard it over
and over and over.

"He abandoned us."

"He left us
and never looked back."

She's my mom.

I believed her.

And now I don't know
what to think.

I don't know what's true,
what's not.

That makes two of us.

I tried to talk
to Mom out of doing this

to you and Nicole so many times.

And tonight
I did everything I could.

But it was too late.

And I failed.

But I hope that it matters
that I tried.

And I hope you can forgive me.

LESLIE:
Oh, cry me a river, Eva.

If you should be asking
for anyone's forgiveness,

it's mine.

After that stunt
you pulled in there,

telling everybody I'm crazy?

I never said crazy.

I don't need this
for either one of you.

I need to go be with my wife.

Still think you can count
on Daddy Teddy

to be there for you?

You made the wrong choice,
little girl.

[crying]

Hindsight is 20/20, Mona.

No one blames you,
so don't blame yourself.

It's obvious that woman
is cruel and calculating.

You aren't the one that brought
that woman into Nicole's life.

Ted did that.

And it's his narrow behind
that will be taken to task.

Please let me know
if there's...

anything I can do
to help Nicole.

ANITA:
Thank you, Mona, we will.

[Anita sniffles]

Give me a minute.

ANITA:
Where are Naomi and Chelsea?

They went to the ladies'
to freshen up.

I'm gonna want
the three of you and Martin

to meet us at the house.

There's gonna be fallout
and we need to strategize.

Sure.

We'll be there.

I'll ride with you and Grant.

Smitty's headed home.

The kids are gone, and I want
to be there when they get back.

I'm sure news
has probably spread,

and Samantha and Tyrell
are gonna have questions.

Yeah.

-If you need me...
-I'll call.

-Thanks, babe.
-Mm.

A real piece of work
that woman is.

And her daughter, too.

This whole thing
is unbelievable.

Absolutely unbelievable.

♪ ♪

I'm getting released from
the hospital in a few minutes.

I can be there for you.

Just say the word.

[exhales] This sickens me.

Nicole was totally blindsided
at her anniversary party.

I could wring
Ted's miserable neck.

Sounds like he was
blindsided, too.

I hope you are
not defending that man.

Obviously not.

Clearly, Ted should not
have done what he did.

But we weren't there.

We don't know the whole story.

We know that Nicole has been
the perfect wife.

Completely devoted.

There's no way in the world
she deserved this.

I agree with you.

-Nicole is a dream.
-Mm-hmm.

A wonderful woman, devoted wife,

supporting mother.

And Ted is...

a lucky man.

But?

But...

...people do stray.

I wouldn't think I need
to tell you that.

[clears throat quietly]

So much for our date, huh?

Yeah, that was quite the show.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

Nah, it's not your fault.

For once.

Hey, what did I say about
talking bad about my friend?

Listen,
your family needs you tonight.

I-- I get it.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

I'm heading to my parents'.

Chelsea and Naomi
must be reeling.

Yeah, it's hard to hear
that kind of trash talk

about anybody.

-Much less your own dad.
-Don't even get me started.

I always knew Bill
had ethical blind spots,

but threatening
to kidnap a baby?

That-that is beyond.

Try to remember, though,
that we don't

really know if that's true.

Uh, Dana, uh, Sherry,

Leslie, whoever.

She's not really
all the way there.

Maybe.

But even if part
of the story is true,

how could Ted be so stupid

to risk his perfect life
for someone like her?

Hey, I hear you.

But remember that no matter
what happened

between Uncle Ted and Leslie,

he chose your sister.

That's something that
you actually wanted Bill to do.

He dropped his side piece.

He rededicated his life
to his marriage.

Uncle Ted has been
a loving, faithful husband

for 20-odd years.

I mean, that's got to count
for something.

If that's true.

But we don't know
that he's the gem

that you just described, do we?

Who knows what other secrets
he's hiding?

Come on, Dani.

We know.

How can you be so calm
about all of this?

Maybe it's hard for me
to get shocked anymore, mm?

Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Well...

I better get going to my folks'.

Yeah.

Um...

Hey, you-you call me
if you need me, okay?

Yeah.

Come on.

TED:
Nicole.

KAT:
Leave her alone.

Mom's in the shower.

She doesn't want
to talk to anyone,

which tells me

she thinks
what Leslie said is true.

Baby girl...

Is it?

After I talk with your mother,
I'm gonna sit down

-and talk with you two.
-No.

I defended you tonight.

I stood in front
of all those people

and said that woman was insane

and the story she told
was a lie.

I said my dad

would never treat Mom
in the way she described.

And now I need you
to tell me I was right.

I...

I don't know how much
of Dana's story is true.

What does that even mean?

You don't know?

She left town years ago.

I've never talked to her since,
up until recently.

I don't know if she had a baby.

If... it was my baby.

If that baby was Eva.

I'm just saying
it could be true because I...

-We--
-Oh, my God.

This is revolting.

Look, I was selfish,
I was immature.

And it was more years ago
than you are old, Kat.

Just stop.

I don't want to hear any more.

You've told me everything
I need to know.

Baby girl, I promise I'll make--

I'm not sure
what you're getting at, Doug.

It's just that,
when it comes to infidelity,

I thought you had a more...

cosmopolitan approach.

What's that mean?

Well, you didn't get outraged

when Bill cheated on Dani.

It's not like
it hadn't happened before.

-I didn't know that.
-Because I never told you.

-Why not?
-Girl code, you know?

Dani had to come to terms
with it.

It wasn't my job to gossip.

The shocker was
that Bill actually left Dani

for his mistress of the moment.

So what you're saying is,
it depends on the marriage

and the people involved.

Exactly.

Some couples have...

understandings.

It's part of what holds
their relationship together.

That wasn't the case
with Ted and Nicole.

She completely adores him.

And he gave her every reason
to believe he felt the same way.

That she'd never be
in the same position as Dani.

It was an unforgivable deceit.

I hope you're wrong
about it being unforgivable.

For Ted's sake.

If their relationship is
as strong as you thought,

then maybe this is what they
need to get him back together.

Hey.

So?

Are you really
my Uncle Ted's daughter?

Wow.

I guess that makes us, uh...

cousins.

Yep.

Sorry.

So what does she actually go by?

What name does she actually use?

-She goes by Leslie now.
-Mm.

I wish I realized sooner

that Ted wasn't
the heartless deadbeat dad

Mama made him out to be.

Hey, he honestly didn't know
he had other kids out there.

How can you be so sure?

You're not the only one
who could have

stopped tonight from happening.

What are you saying?

He told me about the affair.

And I talked him out
of confessing to Nicole.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Me, too.

Hmm.

NICOLE:
Behold, the queen on her throne.

Ah.

Saint Nicole.

For the Fix Your Mind
Ministries.

Managed to break free
from your handlers.

Back to give me
a verbal beatdown, right?

Well, honey, I need you to say

what you're gonna say
and scooch.

Because Mama's got
a tray of the good stuff,

bought and paid for,
and I ain't fixin'

to waste it.

I won't compete
for Ted's affections with you.

Like you could.

Ted changed after he met you.

He became more carefree,

more spontaneous.

Wanted us to try new things.

In the bedroom?

I mean, I did teach him
a few new tricks.

You're welcome.

I thought
getting pregnant with Kat

was the reason
for his new outlook.

Thought we were getting
back on track

after a rocky point
in our marriage.

After a few years,
his light dimmed.

He went back to being
a Dupree husband.

Stoic, strong, and--

And boring.

If I'm being honest, yes.

You.

You are...

vivacious,

lively, bold.

Ted needs someone
like you in his life.

Damn right he does.

He needs to cut loose and live.

He needs a woman
who's going to celebrate.

And that woman is you, Leslie.

The one Ted has always
needed in his life.

A toast to you, Nicole.

For being woman enough

to walk away.

[door slams]

Has anybody heard from Nicole?

She's not answering my texts.

No. It worries me.

I wanted to go to her,
but... [exhales]

Oh, uh, I got a text from Kat.

Yeah, me, too.

Saying?

Um, Aunt Nicole went home

and straight to the shower.

I don't blame her.

I wouldn't want
to see anyone, either.

I'd be mortified.

I just wish we could write
this off as some deranged woman

making up stories.

Hmph. We all do.

That would be ignoring reality.

I don't know if everything
she said is true,

especially
about her supposed daughter.

But I did confront Dad
about the affair.

Did he admit to it?

He didn't have to.

It was in his eyes.

He's guilty as sin.

I can't remember when I've
been so disappointed in anyone.

I'm gonna make coffee.

DANI:
I'll help.

What do you make of
what that woman said about Dad?

The way he threatened her baby?

That-that couldn't be true,
could it?

I mean, I can't
imagine that he would

actually follow through on it,
but did he say those things

to a young woman
who was scared, broke,

powerless and in the way?

Ask him.

I mean it.

Ask Bill point-blank.

What do you have to lose?

HAYLEY:
Oh, Bill,

you have very talented hands.

Mm, if you ever want

to stop providing legal services

to the morally impaired,

you could open up a shiatsu spa.

No, this particular skill set
I reserve only for you, baby.

-Oh. How lucky am I?
-Very.

-You're about to get
even luckier.
-[phone buzzing]

That's bound to be a work text.

Can you not answer it?

Hold on a second, babe.

Ah, it's from Naomi.

Holy hell.

Apparently, Ted's former
mistress showed up to

the anniversary party tonight
and spilled her guts,

told everything,
and now Chelsea and Naomi

have 1,001 questions about
what part I played in that mess.

Of course they do.

Yeah.

-Yeah, but--
-First of all, Bill...

stay calm.

You can explain
that you were being

a good brother-in-law,

trying to help
their Aunt Nicole's marriage

from falling apart.

Nah, nah.

I don't think that's
the view they'll take.

What really riles me
is that awful child

working in Nicole's home,

spying on her,

reporting back
to that demented woman.

It's like a horror movie.

If that Leslie
even is her mother.

I'm not taking
their word for anything.

No, Dad hasn't gotten back
to me yet.

Chelsea?

How did Kat know about Leslie?

I can't explain it.

She had some Spidey-sense
about Eva since day one.

Kept trying to warn her parents
that Eva was up to no good,

but nobody believed Kat,

including me.

How would you have known,
though?

Like you're supposed
to have ESP?

Well, I think
it's fascinating that Kat

had a sixth sense
about this woman.

I've been thinking that, too.

Do you think that...

she somehow sensed

that they're actually
half sisters?

No, Kat probably sensed

that Eva is actually
a lying little b*tch.

You were right all along.

Baby, I'm so, so sorry.

My daughter must be in agony.

Oh, sh**t,
I missed a text from Kat.

NAOMI:
What did she say?

That Ted was at the house
when she left.

They're probably talking
right now.

-[doorbell rings]
-Well, who could that be?

Kat wouldn't ring the doorbell.

Chelsea, sweetheart,
could you answer it?

-[knocking at door]
-Sure.

Here's what doesn't make sense
to me.

That woman left town
and stayed away

for over 20 years.

Why come back now?

She has her reasons.

I'm sure none of them are good.

I couldn't care less
what that woman has in her head.

I don't want to see
or talk to her ever again.

Agreed, this family should be

laser-focused on Aunt Nicole.

It wasn't Kat.

Well, who was it, baby?

Please, no need
to get up on my behalf.

Pretty sure I'm the last person
you bargained on seeing.

Proof.

You got a DNA test?

I feel like my entire world

stopped at that club,
and now I'm unable to feel.

I'm unable to move.
I'm unable to rage.

It's a long, dark night,
Duprees.

And we don't know how long
the darkness will last.

But the sun will rise.

I had nowhere else to go.