01x07 - Tooth Fairy

[bunniefuu]

[mouse squeaking]

[portal opens, cat screeches]

[all yelling]

Alebrije.

- [Leo] Huh?
- We've lost him.

Uh, I think we should
worry about ourselves right now.

Oh, what a surprise.

Crouching Tiger only cares about herself.

Hey.

- What is your problem?
- Gee, I don't know.

Last time I saw you, you were
zombified and chasing us around.

Godofredo cured me of my ailments.

Oh, did he?

How convenient.

Or did Quetzalcoatl? You were stuck
in that dimension a long time.

Stop it.

[yelps, then groans]

Stop it, the both of you.
We've got bigger problems.

We don't have a ship,
which means we're stranded

until we find a way to get ours back.

Hmm. That's a good question.

Where is here, anyway?

Meat pies.

Meat pies and hot eels.

- We've got Prince Albert in a can, miss.
- Ugh!

Uh, I'd rather keep him locked up, thanks.

It looks like London.

It's been a century since I've visited,
so, it could've changed.

[stomach rumbling]

[groans]

I'm starving.

- Ugh.
- Yes, it's London all right.

[man] You there. Boy.

Fetch the biggest goose
in the butcher's window and...

- Ha-ha-ha.
- [man] Wait. Help.

- [Don Andres] Hmm?
- [Leo] Ugh.

[all groaning]

[Marcella whimpers]

Look.

- That's peculiar.
- [Leo & Marcella] Huh?

You heard Fenrir.

The nexus crisscrossed our timelines.

Maybe wherever we are,
we're supposed to be here.

It's part of our journey.

- [Marcella] Uh...
- [girl] Ha, ha.

[Leo] Hey.

- She took the compass.
- [Leo] Stop.

[gasps] Uh-oh.

Hey. Give me my compass.

Come and get it.

Don't panic.

- We just wanna ask you some... Unh!
- Hey.

Ha, ha. Suckers.

[shrieks]

Hello.

[both scream]

[Teodora groans]

[Don Andres grunts]

The compass, please.

Uh, heh. Okay.

[chuckles]

You got me.

Here you go.

- That's bad even by British standards.
- And I don't even have the worst of it.

- Some got no teeth at all.
- Someone's taking them?

Don't know nothing about that.
All I know is,

they're there when you go to sleep
and gone when you wake up.

None of the orphans
at St. Cyril's feel safe.

Very well, miss.
Thank you for your testimony.

Leo, give her a coin.

So, what do we do now?

- Why not try St. Cyril's?
- [girl] Thank you.

Fine by me.
Any idea where we might find it?

Right. Come along, then,
my little foundling waif.

There you are, Ms. Wisp.

One more ragamuffin stray for you.

Caught him lurking in the alleys
around Fleet Street.

Is that right? Poor little soul.
Let's get you out of those clothes.

Hey. Where am I?
Why do you keep touching me like that?

Oh, listen to him.
He's delirious with hunger.

Well, St. Cyril's will soon fix that.

Get a nice, hot bowl of soup in you,
poor little orphan.

- But I'm not an... Unh.
- Leo.

I mean, soup sounds good.

- Thanks.
- [chuckles]

Mm. Mm. Ah.

My.

[chuckles]

You are a hungry lad.

I'll see if the cook has any more.

Ah. What a life.

Man, these orphans are living
on Easy Street.

Look at these fancy duds they put me in.
I'm like a little gentleman.

Thank you, ma'am.

- Let me help you with that.
- Hey. Hmph.

[burps]

[Leo] So good.

All right, if I play this...

[chuckles]

Call it.

The ship?

{\an8}Fine.

Huh? Fishbones! [echoes]

That worked out well. We can keep
an eye on these orphans up close.

Shh. Marcella, look.

You can't deny me access
to these children, madam. I'll be back.

Ooh.

- What was that about?
- Finneus Blackpulp.

He says he's a dentist,
but all his techniques are unproven.

He's been skulking around
the orphanage for weeks,

- demanding to see the children.
- Why?

No one knows.

But if you ask me,
he's up to something.

Interesting.

[Don Andres sobbing]

Oh.

[Leo snoring]

[yawns]

[Leo mumbling]

[growling]

Hmm? Huh?

[gasps]

Leo! Wake up!

[giggles]

[humming lullaby]

- Leo!
- [screams]

[Leo whimpering]

- Huh?
- Is that...?

[Blackpulp] Hmm.

Blackpulp.

Ms. Wisp was right.
For sure he has something to do with this.

- [orphan 1] Shut up.
- [orphan 2] People are trying to sleep.

[orphan 1] Yeah.

I'll follow Blackpulp
and you keep looking.

Sleep with one eye open.

Don Andres, come on.

[yawns]

[snoring]

[shrieks]

Who? What? Where?
When? How?

[grumbles]

[groaning]

Oops, sorry.

Hang in there, buddy.

- You look terrible.
- Yeah, well, I didn't sleep so great,

- on account of tooth-stealing monsters.
- What? Leo. Tooth-stealing monsters?

Guys, guess who's here.

Leo.

What are you doing?

[Blackpulp] I told you I'd be back.

Madam, I have here an order
from the local magistrate

granting me access
to these children.

- This is an outrage.
- Be that as it may,

I have convinced the crown that
healthy teeth are moderately important.

Believe me, that was tough.

I'm afraid it's all in order, ma'am.
Don't put up a fight.

It's all right, children.

Do as the man says.

This is perfect. You keep an eye on
Blackpulp, we'll go search his office.

- Go. I'll stay and keep an eye on him.
- Not too close.

He's a monster.

Come, children,
there's nothing to be afraid of.

[Leo] Who knows what evil he's up to?

Be sure to keep your distance.

She'll be fine. Let's go.

I got this, Leo. I survived
Quetzalcoatl's attack, remember?

There's no time to lose. Go.

I'll be fine.

- Huh?
- [clears throat]

Shall we?

Uh...

Ha.

Okay.

Now, if only I could...

Thank you.

[all] Huh?

[Teodora gasps]

[all gasping and whimpering]

Okay, we might not have long,
so be quick.

[both whimpering]

This guy really likes teeth.

Yeah. Some of these x-rays
have little hearts in the margins.

Well, I never trusted modern dental work.

You lost something when you
switched over from barbers.

Just look at this place.

Not a tincture of quicksilver.

Come in, please.

Uh, hello?

Dr. Blackpulp?

[groans, then chuckles nervously]

So...

where'd you go to school?

[Blackpulp] School?

What school?

What about those orphans with the
missing, uh, teeth? Heard about them?

[Blackpulp]
That's why I moved to Fleet Street.

To get closer to all those poor,
unfortunate orphans.

[Marcella gasps]

[whimpering]

Open wide.

This is all creepy,
but nothing incriminating.

Are we sure being creepy isn't a crime?

[rumbling]

[Teodora yells]

Ah, ha-ha!

[laughing]

This is a lot of gold!

[both whimpering]

[groans] Ew, gross.

Get it off. Ew!

[whimpering]

[yells]

[screams]

[screams]

Those are exactly the monsters
I saw last night.

I knew Blackpulp had something to do
with all that tooth-stealing stuff.

We have to stop him before...

Marcella.

- Hmm.
- What?

Oh, it's bad, isn't it?

- Just tell me.
- Your teeth.

They're...

magnificent.

Uh-oh. A cavity.

Are you sure?

- Check again.
- Ah, well,

I knew it was too good to be true.
But you know what they say:

Trifles make perfection
and perfection is no trifle.

Can we discuss this?
Maybe this is a good cavity.

Don't worry. It's perfectly routine.
Now, hold still.

[whirring]

This won't hurt a bit.

Ms. Wisp. Ms. Wisp!

Leo. Slow down. What's this about?

It's Dr. Blackpulp.

You have to get him away from the kids.

Ms. Wisp?

What's happening here?

You know what's happening.
You're working with the Tooth Stealers.

What did she tell you?

Bloody fools.

[gasps]

Get down.

You shot her. In the face.

- What just happened?
- [Ms. Wisp] You.

[cackles]

[all shrieking and gasping]

[Marcella] What is that thing?

Mr. Boot,
take the kids to a safe place.

Huh.

Hmm.

[grunts]

Now you've done it.
She's gone.

We've done it?

What's going on?

You've messed up,
that's what's going on.

Finneus Blackpulp.
Her Majesty's Secret Dental Service.

I'd been tailing these creatures
for weeks. Now they're cornered.

There's no telling what they'll do.

[Teodora] Whoa.

- Did anybody else just get chills?
- Friends of yours?

[Leo] Uh-huh.

Gold. Wow.

They excrete the stuff.

It's a natural byproduct of the enamel
they feed on for nutrients.

You're saying these things
eat teeth and poop gold?

[retching]

In crude terms.

Cool.

Yes, how novel of them.

You were saying, sir?

They're called the Bactus.

They are parasites.

From Finland.

In the Poetic Eddas,
ancient Vikings described a "Tooth Fee."

A ransom paid voluntarily each year
to keep the creatures at bay.

When I discovered the missing teeth,
I knew it had to be them,

the monsters.

I began to investigate,

and at the end of the investigation,
my research led me to the orphanage.

They have an optic field.

A kind of natural protection
against exposure.

We destroy the queen
and the hive dies.

We don't and this all
starts again somewhere else.

- Stand back.
- [Don Andres] Hmm?

Antiseptic solution.

It eats away at microbial life-forms.

[Blackpulp yelling]

Get this thing off me!

[Blackpulp screaming]

Get if off me, now!

[both grunting]

[grunting]

[Teodora growls]

Uh, Dr. Blackpulp?

[groans]

- Here is your hat, good sir.
- Wasn't there like three of those things?

[Blackpulp] Oh, no.

[Blackpulp screaming]

[Teodora] Leo, step on them.

No. No, that's his face.

Leo, get them.

Hmm. Interesting g*n Blackpulp has.

Well, I don't think he's gonna miss it.

[Don Andres] Poor devil.
Unconscious as a sleeping baby.

- And with as many teeth.
- It's all up to us now.

Take it, Leo.
You're gonna need it more than I do.

Okay. Let's go.

[Leo] Going somewhere?

Madam.

Step away from the teeth.

Get them.

Ha, ha!

Got you.

Over here, monster.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

Right in the face.

[Don Andres] Coming through.

You don't understand,
we need those teeth to live.

[Leo] That's it. Take the gas.

Okay.

Okay, just calm down.

[laughing]

This tooth thievery has got to stop.

But we cannot live without them.

Without teeth?

- Well, then, why didn't you just ask us?
- Right.

Hmm. Humans shed no less
than half their teeth in their lifetime.

I think it's just a matter
of good negotiation.

Will humans give us fallen teeth for gold?

Every single one.

But we will need to work
on your image a bit.

- Hmm.
- [Don Andres] Hmm?

[beeping]

Check this out.

[laughs]

[Teodora] No.

It's not working.

Ooh. There. That's perfect.

Guys,
I introduce you to the Tooth Fairy.

Ooh. Ha, ha.

Hmm. Ha!

[rumbling]

What was that?

The ship.

[Leo] But how?

[Don Andres] I have no earthly idea.

Huh?

We'll get you next time, dirty skulls!

[troll grumbles]

[orphan 1] There's a ship.

[orphan 2] A ship.

[orphan 3] I must be dreaming.

Oh, I missed you, too, my darling.

Almost as much as
my dear friend Alebrije.

Don't worry, Don Andres,
we'll find him.

Maybe Leo's right.
There might be a plan for us after all.

[Teodora] So,

what now, fearless leader?

Now to find Alebrije
and the Brotherhood.

And nothing's gonna stand in our way.

Farewell, lads. Hmm.

[buzzing]

[yells]

- [orphan 1] I'll see you later.
- [orphan 2] Bye.

[orphan 3] See you soon.

[orphan 4] Bye.

Goodbye. Ooh. Ha, ha.

[groans]