01x06 - Fancy Some Tea? / Mr. Perfect Balsa

[bunniefuu]

[Big band style music plays]

♪♪♪

♪ Doop-dah!

♪ Dooby-doo-wah!

♪ Doop-dah! Dooby-doo-wah! ♪

♪ Doo-boo doo-bah-bah dow!

♪ Dooby-doo-dah dah bah-dah-dah dee-bah ♪

♪ Dah-dah dee-bah-dee-bah dah-bee-dah ♪

♪ Bah-dee-dah dah-dah dah deedle-dah oh! ♪

♪ Oh yeah! Yeah!

♪ Dah-dah doo-yah dah-dah-dah dah-bah-dah-bah doh! ♪

[Thunder of stampeding feet]

Don't touch that dial.

Seriously, it's covered in germs.

♪♪♪

Scaredy: [singing to himself]

Nestor: scaredy!

Scaredy, come out!

Scaredy, come out here at once!

Take it down!

What?! Why?

It took me eight hundred and sixty four boxes of tea

To make that.

And at fifty five bags per box,

That makes exactly 47,520 tea bags.

Don't care! It's too big, not to code,

And momma will hate it.

[Loud thunder clap]

Momma: gum?

Who chews gum?!

You're fired!

Show me your gum!

My what? You're fired!

Fired!

I want this display gone in 3 minutes

Or you are fired!

Momma: what is that?

Nestor: now you're in real trouble!

Momma: it's beautiful.

Nestor: it is?

Er, yes, it is!

That's why I had him build it.

My idea.

It's the only part of this store with any class.

Well, i-i-i don't know about that.

Dave: wooooo!

Woo! Woo!

[Farts]

Woo! Woo!

Momma: fancy - this whole store! Fancy!

[Menacingly] or heads are gonna roll!

[Gulps] lettuce heads?

No.

But momm- gah!

Dave: anyone seen my spoon?

Nestor, you found it!

Uh... You got a little something on your face.

[Angry groan, steam kettle whistles]

Wow! [Chuckles]

Dave's fire truck sure could use a wash.

Yeah, nestor.

You should take better care of bertha.

[Groans]

Take care of bertha? Yeessss...

That's exactly what I'll do.

[Evil chuckle]

Great idea.

All right!

[Owl hoots]

[Rooster crows]

[Humming]

Hmm... That's weird. [High-pitched scream]

Ahhhhhhhhh!

What's going on?

I'm taking your advice

And getting rid of that stinky old fire truck

And replacing it with a "fancy" ride.

Take it away, booger!

I never said that!

Booger: uh-huh. Now if you jus' sign this here release,

I'll be on my way.

No! No! Noooo! [Sobbing]

[Engine rumbles]

[Dave sobs]

I never said that.

[Engine rumbles]

Everything's gonna be okay. Okay?

It's gonna be great.

Ow!

What is...? Where am...?

Who are...? When was...?

Whyyyyy?

Nestor: okay, everybody, gather around. Gather around.

This had better be classy.

Without further adieu, behold: the tea queen!

[Clears throat] the tea queen!

Now!

Oh. Right, right. Give it to me again.

[Angry groan]

[Annoyed] behold the tea queen.

[Machine powers on]

[Happy gasps]

Well, it's a step in the right direction.

It's fancy.

The fanciness will attract more fancy!

And then bam, we'll be covered in fancy!

Momma: try not to screw it up.

This won't attract fancy people?

[Vehicle honks, tires squeal]

[Snooty chatter]

You were saying?

[Sighs]

Now get to work!

I guess a fancy store won't be all that bad.

Uh, whatchya wearing there, buck?

New uniform.

It's real velvet with vintage lace trim...

And I hate it!

Hate it!

O-kay. [Sighs heavily]

[Mic feedback]

Nestor: scardey squirrel to the front of the store,

And make it fancy!

[Snooty chatter]

Man: so civilized.

Just fast enough to titillate

And yet slow enough to allow polite discourse.

Sweet acorns!

Look at this mess!

Fancy people drop things, scaredy,

And they don't pick them up.

They also don't tie their own shoes,

Peel oranges or chew food.

So doing those things are now going to be your job.

But-but-but I'm a stacker.

Not anymore!

Now, you're whatever the fancy people

Need you to be.

Tooth-shine boy... Shine!

Yech!

Nestor: you heard the man - shine!

I uh... I have to use the bathroom. Bye!

You mean the tickle potty.

That's what fancy people call it!

These fancy people have got to go!

Buck: tell me about it.

This collar is so itchy.

You guys wanna take a break?

Maybe play a game of "hug that tree"?

Do you mean "eat that tree until it falls"?

No...you just... You just hug it.

These teeth ain't made for hugging.

How about you, hatton?

Oh, that's too fast- paced for me.

[Giggles] I like a good game of sleep race.

Sportscaster: [whispering] it's neck and neck

As to who will fall asleep first.

Hatton with a head bob.

Moose with a head bob.

Hatton wins.

Game on! [Snores]

You gotta say "go"!

[Sighs] I miss dave.

Dave: look at her.

Ain't she just the prettiest june bug at the ball?

Mm-hmm.

I still remember

The first time I laid eyes on her.

[Gasps]

[Height buzzer buzzes, dave sobs uncontrollably]

[Sawing]

[Laughing ecstatically]

[Scaredy cries]

[Lemonade splashes]

Yep. Them were the days.

Scaredy: dave! Dave! You gotta come back!

Nestor's made everything fancy!

I need you!

If they don't want bertha there;

They don't want me there.

Don't you wanna come back and play hug that tree?

Don't believe to huggin', it leads to dancin'.

I've had enough of fancy!

Name?

Scaredy squirrel.

What's going on?

Not on the vip list. Sorry.

The list? I work here.

I said, you're not on the list.

Now beat it!

Ahem. Lord scaredington squirrel the 3rd esquirrel.

Received word at my castle made of, uh, pearls,

That there was an amusing extracurricular-

Not on the list!

Momma: you! Stop!

We never say no to royalty.

Allow me to show you around, your lordliness.

You know, I've always found pearl castles to be so chilly.

It started with that tea cup

And it will end with that tea cup.

Annnd... Power off.

[Power fizzles off, panicked screaming]

I can't see my face!

[Panicked screaming]

But how...?

I put the tea queen on a backup power generator.

A very fancy backup generator.

I do ponder what I am powering.

Admit it rodent,

The tea cup is making a splash!

A fancy splash.

Huh... Making a splash...

Fancy a spot of tea everybody?!

Posh swan: oh! Refreshing!

Posh fox: someone pass me my biscuits!

Brilliant idea.

We'll tell momma it was mine!

[Angry grunts]

Fancy... Is ... Making me crazy!

Woman: oh, delightfully slow spin.

What?

Refreshingly slow.

[Crank cranks, power whirs]

Fancy people: oh wow! How rude! My wig!

[Panicked screaming]

Fire! Help!

Someone run for me!

Oh no! Not what I wanted!

Momma: fire! Fire! You're fired! Fire!

There is only one way to save the store!

Plenty nice, I reckon.

Mm-hmm.

Dave, you need to come back!

Nunh-unh. They don't want bertha there;

They don't want me there.

But the store needs bertha.

It's what she was born to do.

Thanks for everything, booger,

But bertha and I gotta go.

Best be hurryin' now.

Come on, scaredy, we've got work to do.

Ahhhhh!

Momma: fire! Fire!

My corn!

You can't put out a fire with corn!

[Dave imitates a siren wailing]

[Drip]

Hooray! [Cheering]

You saved the store!

And you replaced bertha with a giant popcorn machine?!

Needs butter.

Momma: you got rid of bertha?!

What's the matter with you?!

But i... But you wanted... You said...

The fire engine stays.

You got that!

Yes, mother.

[Cheering]

Fancy people: well, I'm not riding a fire truck.

Not fancy at all. Non merci.

Has anyone seen my wig?

What are we supposed to do now?

Hey, I know where you guys can go?

How'n the heck am I gonna git them folks outta here?

Posh swan: floating in mud costs so much at the spa,

Look at all the money I'm saving.

Booger: mm-hmm.

♪♪♪

[Traffic roars]

[Laughing]

You're cute and all,

But if you splash me again,

I'm gonna float my gorgeous self away from you.

Is that what you want?

Pool safety check time!

Ph levels, technically perfect...

[Sizzling]

Aha! It's wet!

Water's wet people!

Dave: scaredy! Hey, scaredy!

Scaredo! Hey! Check this one out!

Woooooo-ungh!

You landed in the pool this time!

Your turn, scaredy.

All right, I call this one

The eagle-headed j-splash swan-dive."

[Splash]

Hey big ears, you're blocking my sun!

Ahh! [Giggling]

Heh... Can you pass me those? Thanks.

[Giggling]

That squirrel has humiliated me too many times.

Ah! Hi paddy! Having fun?

[Angry groan]

You guys signed the petition yet?

Is it another petition for mirrors on the floor

So that you can watch yourself tie your shoes?

That was a good idea,

But no, it's for an emergency eye wash station,

In the cafeteria, in case-

Stop. You had me at "emergency."

Ha! Gotcha sucker!

You just entered balsa city's mr. Perfect pageant.

What?

A pageant that I've won the last three years in a row.

Prepare to be humiliated!

Hu-mili-ate-d! [Laughs]

Yeah!

Why are you laughing like that?

Paddy: you'd better read your pageant itinerary.

There's a "laugh like a game show host event"?

Good luck, fur-face.

He tricked you!

Scaredy, take it back! Erase your name!

Wait! I'll suck the ink out of the page!

I don't know, mr. Perfect pageant?

Could be fun!

Did somebody say "pageant"?!

Aghh! [Giddy laugh]

Whoa! I'll do it!

Do what?

Duh! Be your pageant coach!

My cat, princess, has won 36 pageants! Hello!

[Unsure] mm...

And I can dress you up,

And we can spend all of our time together.

Thanks, sally,

But I think I'll be all right.

If you change your mind, just call me.

Call me, okay?

Call me, please. [Quiet sob]

Scaredy: [reading] a battle of hunky skills

Involving special flare talent,

Heavy metal slide whistle,

Cool walking and more.

Pfft! I can do all this stuff.

You can cool walk?

Check it out.

Oof!

Did you do that on purpose, when you fell there?

[Loud belch]

How is your game show host laughter?

[Pained goofy laugh]

Yeesh! Terrible.

How about the biggest bubble gum bubble event?

[Garbled] no-paw-bum!

Aghhhh!

Says you have to hold it for-

[Loud pop]

[Slurp]

Paddy's gonna humiliate you. [Belch]

[Sighing] maybe I should get sally to coach-

Hi, scaredy,

Happen to be in the neighbourhood.

You called?

Uh, yeah!

All right, let's go!

Okay, just wait here while I tidy up a bit.

[Object clatters, cat meows, cow moos]

Oh, hi, scaredy, what a surprise?

This is my champion princess's room.

As you can see there is nothing more fun then winning.

Nothing!

Winner of the miss pretty kitty pageant,

The softest fur award,

And this trophy is for the salmoniest breath.

[Belch]

♪ Something's fishy about my baby ♪

♪ And I don't mean maybe, yeah! ♪

[Inhales, gags and chokes]

Yeah, I taught her that!

And I can teach you a whole lot more!

But first, you must dedicate yourself

To my teachings completely. [Crazed laughter]

[To herself] you're pushing too hard.

Stop scaring the squirrel.

Well... As long as it's gonna be fun.

[Pop] agh!

Hey! What with the [unclear]?

I pay you to make sure I win!

Not to act all sciencey!

Yes, mr. Paddy, sir.

Engaging game show laughter test.

[Laughs]

Sally: I am going to make you sweat buckets

And then I am going to make you drink that sweat

From the buckets!

You got it, soldier?!

And are you sure this outfit is necessary?

I am your coach

And you have given yourself over to me completely.

Okay, I was jus-

Completely! You do not question me!

Not about the leotard

And not about the raw ostrich egg protein shake.

Drink!

Seriously, before it eats through the cup!

Mmm-mpm!

Yeowwww!

Shhh... Shhh... I know, I know...

Now that you're fueled up,

Let's talk super flare talent.

I'm thinking tap dance, jackhammer and lots of glitter.

But I've been working on a paddle ball routine.

Dum da da dee da.... Dum da da dee da....

[Snoring]

Scaredy: sally? Sally!

I swear, I didn't touch him!

What? Oh, okay!

Uh, I know what your routine needs!

Down home country sparkle!

No way.

I'll be the laughing stock of the pageant.

Noooo. You're gonna be the best!

You're the king of sparkle!

Say it! Say it!!

I am the king of... Sparkle?

So much work to do.

[Meows]

♪♪♪

Let's go, give me more! Ha!

Come on, scaredy, what are you, a baby?!

♪♪♪

[Laughing, delighted]

[Slap]

[Scissors snip]

Ta-da!

[Giggles]

[Belch]

Whoo!

[Knocking]

Oh, sorry, mister.

I must have the wrong house. I was looking for my friend-

Scaredy: dave, it's-it's me!

Dave: scaredy?

Scaredy: yup? I mean, no.

I'm, uh, vance strongbod now.

And where is vance's mustache?

Vance?

There! See how fun that is?!

That's what you keep saying, coach.

Just came by to say good luck at the pageant.

Hope you do okay.

"Do okay?" No!

We're going to win! And it's vance!

Tell him why you're going to win, vance.

Because I am the king of sparkle!

That's right, vance.

Okay, dave, you and your negative energy

Are now banished!

See you at the show, scar- vance.

[Sighs]

[Vehicles squeal to stop]

Sweet acorns!

I've never had my own dressing room.

This is awesome!

Hardly!

You?! Where's the bucket of mustache wax?

And I specifically asked for everything in this room

To sparkle! [Laughs] sparkle!

Sally, calm down, it's no big deal.

Yes it is, vance!

You will respect the man I love... To... Coach.

Argh! Awkward!

I can't wait to humiliate you, scare- scaredy, huh?

Well, not too bad, not too shabby.

But still not cool enough to outcool moi.

We'll see about that.

Youch!

[Game show host laugh]

I am the king of sparkle!

Welcome to the twelfth annual mr. Perfect balsa pageant!

[Audience cheers]

Now put your paws together

For our first contestant buddy the moose!

[Chuckles]

[Audience boos]

[Cries]

And now last years winner, paddy pattison.

[Wild cheering]

Agh! Next up is vance strongbod.

Ooh! Vance strongbod everybody!

[Chuckles]

[Wild cheering]

Oh! Ooh!

[Wilder cheering]

[Angry groan]

...and that is why I believe,

When things are stacked properly,

The world is a better place.

In conclusion:

Order will always defeat chaos.

[Wild cheering]

Well, it seems we're down to only two competitors

For mr. Perfect balsa:

Paddy pattison and vance strongbod.

[Wild cheering, moose cries]

After a quick intermission,

The next and final event will decide our winner.

[Laughs]

Sally: [coughing] strongbod!

"When things are stacked properly"?!

That's not what we rehearsed!

Oh, and you forgot to kiss your biceps!

I'm not sure being vance

Is as much fun as being scaredy.

How could you!

I've given you everything!

You're up in two, mr. Strongbod.

Rrrroar!

Don't hurt me!

Winning. Is. Everything!

I'm vance strongbod?

♪♪♪

[Wild cheering]

Beautiful. [Giggles]

And now, our pageants final performer,

Vance strongbod.

[Wild cheering]

I'm... I'm...

[Shrill scream, booing]

What?!

My name... Is scaredy squirrel.

Hit it!

♪♪♪

[Crowd boos]

That's not a super-flared pallet!

Where's the sparkle?!

[Audience boos]

Give me that paddle!

Hey! No helping!

[Fighting grunts]

Scaredy: and... I'm outta here!

And the winner is, nobody!

Nobody wins! Oh, now that's disappointing!

I told you this might be fun.

[Sally and paddy yelling and struggling]