01x06 - Snoopy: Man's Best Friend

[bunniefuu]

Sometimes I think no one is ever

going to love me. Sometimes I

think no one is ever going to want to

lean over and kiss me. No one

loves me. No one even likes me.

No one cares about me. No

one loves me. No one cares.

I don't think anyone is ever going to

love me.

Yes, ma'am. I was told to report to the

principal. Well, I've been

falling asleep in class, I guess, and my

teacher's kind of upset about it.

The principal is busy. Oh, that's

OK. I can wait.

I have a problem, Chuck. I keep falling

asleep in school. My dad has his night

job, see, and he doesn't get home until



sleep while I'm alone, so I've been

sitting up watching TV. You need someone

to stay with you.

I appreciate you coming to stay with me,

Snoopy. I've been falling asleep

in school because I'm afraid to go to bed

at night. Now I'll feel safe because

I'll know you'll be guarding me. My dad

will be working late for another whole

week, and I sure hate being at home

alone. Come

on, I'll show you to our guest room.

You'll have it all to yourself, and I

hope you'll like the waterbed.

I sure feel safer with Snoopy in the

house. Maybe I can get a good night's

sleep for once and not feel so tired in

school tomorrow. Once old Snoopy gets

used to the water bed in the guest room,

I know he'll sleep well too.

What's that?I thought I heard a noise.

I'm glad old Snoop is in the guest room.

Hey, Snoopy, I thought I heard something.

You better go investigate.

Hey, our TV set is gone. I knew I

heard a noise. I knew someone was in the

house. Snoopy, Snoopy, get up. A

burglar stole a TV set. What kind

of a watchdog are you?Get off

that waterbed and catch that

burglar. Good grief.

That's stupid, Chuck. He can't even own a

good watchdog. The

burglars are coming back. I can hear them

in the living room. They're stealing all

our furniture. Do something,

Snoopy. Scare them off.

Bark at them. Do something.

Bark at them. There's a light on in

Peppermint Patty's house.

Sir, your front door was wide open, so I

walked in. I also think that all your

furniture is gone. I guess I was

lucky that your new watchdog didn't bite

me, huhIf I ever get off this

waterbed, I'm gonna bite the watchdog.

Sir, I think some burglars have stolen

all your furniture. I know they have

Marcie. Help me get off this stupid

waterbed. Stop bouncing,

Sir. I can't help you.

Stop calling me Sir.

Hello, Chuck. Let me speak to my

ex-watchdog, will ya?Hello,

ex-watchdog. Thanks for nothing.

Peppermint Patty says you were lost and

that she found you. Oh,

how in the world could you get lost

right here in our own neighborhood?

Well, it wasn't easy. It all started very

innocently. Snoopy had taken

his Beagle Scout patrol on a hike, an

overnight hike. The first night the

troop went into town to see the sights

and have some fun. Snoopy got very

angry and he said to all of them, so you

guys went into town and got in a fight?

Well, what about Harriet?Where's Harriet?

And one of the little birds censored

Harriet's in jail. Jail

in jail. Yes, Sir. I

understand. One of Snoopy's Beagle

Scouts got thrown in jail. I have to

go down and get her out. That

stupid dog is more trouble than he's

worth. Most of us are.

Speak for yourself.

Hello, Sally. Yes, I

have the bird with me. No, she

wasn't in jail. She had been picked up by

the Humane Society. Now I have

to try and find Snoopy. I just

hope you don't get lost in the woods. If

you do, can I start moving my things into

your room?

Don't worry, little bird. I'll help you

get back with Snoopy and your friends.

It's no use talking. I can't understand a

word you're saying. I

must be out of my mind. What am I

doing walking through the woods with a

bird?

Probably a sarcastic bird at that.

Let me talk to Chuck, will ya?I think

he's lost in the woods. I know what you

mean, but let me talk to him, will ya?

Well, Bird, I hate to say it, but I don't

have any idea where we are. I'm

getting hungry, too. You know what would

taste good right now?A big piece of

angel food cake.

Marcie, Chuck's lost in the woods. He

needs us to find him.

Get your backpack, Marcie. Bring all the

things you need in the woods. We're a

rescue team. I have

everything, Sir. Food, water, and

comic books. It may be a

long trip. You better bring an extra

comic book. This is embarrassing.

I'm supposed to be leading this bird back

to Snoopy and her friends. And now we're

lost. I hope she doesn't panic. I'll

bet she's getting nervous.

Then again, maybe she isn't. Good

grief, Marcie. How did you get so tall?

It's my expedition boot, Sir.

While we're looking for Chuck, we might

run into some bad weather. These boots

are filled with goose down. But don't

worry, Sir, if we meet a goose, you

can pretend you don't know me. You

know what I think, little bird?I think

you should fly off into the air and try

and find Snoopy by yourself. Tell him I

did my best. Tell him I'm lost.

Tell him I'm sorry. Better yet,

just say rats. He'll understand.

You know what we forgot, Sir?We

forgot to bring along an automatic duck

plucker. If we decide to

have duck for dinner. We should have

an automatic duck plucker. You

don't seem interested, sir.

Look, sir, it's starting to snow.

My toes are cold! You shouldn't

have worn those handles. Maybe we could

wrap your feet with comic books.

If you walk slowly, Sir, I can read your

feet. Chuck, where

are you?Chuck,

where are you?We'll never

find him this way, Sir. Maybe we should

try something else. I think you're right,

Marcie. Chuck, you

dummy, where are you?

What are you doing home?Your master's

still out in the woods somewhere. What

kind of a dog are you?Here's the

world-famous faithful dog,

braving the blizzards to find his master.

The comic books are coming loose for my

feet, Marcy. Pages are flying all

over. Let me see what I can do.

Would you ever read this one, sir?It's

where Spider-Person is on this bridge.

And he starts to Marcie. Sorry,

Sir. When you're looking for someone in a

snowstorm, you have two choices.

You can wander around looking and

looking and looking, or you can just

stand in one spot, hoping that the lost

person comes by.

Chuck, where are you?

Chuck, we can't find you.

Where are you, Chuck?

Chuck, where are you?

We love you, Chuck.

Unless this is a joke. If it

is, we're going to punch your lights out.

Do you think this could be a joke, Sir?

You'd better be lost, Chuck.

Snoopy, I bet you forgot who you were

looking for. Marcie, I

can't walk this way. The comic books are

coming apart again. Look, Sir, I

think I see somebody. Chuck, how'd

you find us?We've been looking all over

for you. You just followed the pages from

some comic books. How'd

you like that rescue operation, Chuck?

Marcie and I braved the Blizzard to find

you and your dog. Oh, and thank you for

the kiss. Kiss. I didn't kiss

anybody. It must have been Sugar

Lips. I see you made it

home, Big Brother. I thought you were

lost for good, so I moved a few of my

things into your room. The books and the

record player will be easy to move back.

The dresser, the couch, the rug, the end

table, the lamp, the bed, and the Martha

Washington chair will take a little

longer. What are you

doing here, Charlie Brown?

Nothing much. I just thought I'd stand

here and watch the world go by. It

never came by.

I hate these practice sessions.

Then the wolf became very angry, and

he huffed and puffed and he blew the

house in. That's

ridiculous. No animal could

huff and puff that hard.

Have you ever read The Three Little Pigs?

It's quite a story. There's this wolf,

see, and he huffed and puffed.

I knew it. Still sleeping.

What a dog.

All right, rise and shine. You'll never

find a better rabbit chasing day than

this. The sun is shining, the

meadows are green, and the rabbits await.

Don't come back until you have your whole

quota. The whole trouble with him is he's

never developed his inborn abilities. I

think if he once saw a few rabbits, he'd

realize what he's been missing. After

all, the thrill of the chase is in his

blood, and he surely.

All right, I saw that. But I'm going to

pretend that it never happened. I'm not

going to move. I'm not going to

chase you. If you bring that ball back

here before I count to 10,

we'll just pretend that nothing

happened.



Thank you.

That was a very wise decision.

All right, have it your way. We'll forget

the leash.

You should be right along here. Who

should be right along where?Ah, here he

is. My pal. How

sickening. My buddy.

My good buddy. My good old buddy.

My true friend. How

revolting.

Every day when Ihome from school, he acts

this way. He's so glad to see me.

Why don't you tell him today is Sunday

and you haven't been to school?

You drive me crazy.

Oh, good grief. It's time to feed the dog

again.

I hate World w*r One. I hate the

Red Baron. I hate sockless camels.

And I hate flying beagles. I hate.

What a bore. This is great for

him. He'll sit here all day long, as

long as I scratch his head. But what do

I get out of it?A handful of tired

fingers. That's what I get out of it. I

stand here scratching and scratching and

scratching. I do all the work

while he just sits there. Sometimes I

think he just takes advantage of me. I'll

end up getting tendonitis or something,

and I'll have to go to the doctor and get

a shot. I could stand here until

both my arms fall off for all he cares.

Good grief. I'm the sort of

person people just naturally take

advantage of. That's the trouble

with this world. Half the people are the

kind who take advantage of the other

half. Well, I'm not going to be the kind

who gets taken advantage of. I'm not

going to just stand here and scratch his

head forever. I refuse to let someone

take advantage of me this way. I'm not

going to let him do it. I mean, why

should I?I'm just the sort of person

people naturally take advantage of.

I must admit, he's a very satisfying

person to cook for.

I feel mean.

I hate the world.

By golly, nobody better get in my way

today. Fight! Fight!

Lucy and Snoopy are having a fight!

Good grief. Stand

still and fight like a man.

What in the world kind of stupid fight is

this?Here now, you two. Stop that

fighting. Stop it, I say. Who's

fighting?I surrender. Stop it.

Stop it. I surrender. I

surrender. I said I

surrender. I'm

surprised at you 2, brawling in the

street like a couple of hoods. What's the

matter with you?He was standing where I

wanted to walk.

The ultimate crime. I have mixed

emotions about that fight. I hate

brawling, but I have to admit I admire

the way you stood up to Lucy. I'd even

like to shake your hand, but I'm afraid

she might see me.

Those kids at the playground think

they're so tough. Well, I'm not out to

start any trouble, but I'm also not

afraid of them. I'm taking the advice of

Theodore Roosevelt. Speak softly and

carry a Beagle.

Just where do you think you're going, kid?

Hey, this is a public playground and I've

come here to enjoy myself.

Speak softly and carry a Beagle.

Get lost, kid. Yeah, get

lost, funny face. This is a public

playground and I've come to play in the

sandbox.

I thought you were afraid to go over to

the playground. Not anymore. I'm

following the advice of Theodore

Roosevelt. Speak softly and carry a

beagle. What happens if you meet someone

who speaks softly and carries a St.

Bernard?

All right, kid, get out of the way. Me

and the beagle here are taking over this

playground. I said get out of the way!

I have a new, improved motto.

Speak loudly and carry a beagle.

All right, kids, stand up. I

run this playground. See, when I come

around, you stand up. Do you hear me?

If you don't do what I say, this Beagle

will bite your leg. What Beagle?

You stupid Beagle. You left

me there to get slaughtered. How could I

speak softly and carry a Beagle if the

Beagle runs away?You left me there to get

slaughtered.