01x13 - Lucy Loves Schroeder

[bunniefuu]

This time it's going to fly. All I need

to do is really believe it'll fly. I'll

just make it fly. OK, here

goes. Fly kite, fly.

All right, then don't.

I hate kite trees. They

take kites from innocent little kids and

they hold them in their branches and then

they eat them. Then they laugh at you

behind your back. I hate you kite eating

trees. You can starve to death for all I

care. Go ahead and

cry. I have no sympathy for you.

Now let me get this straight. The

person who brought you in said you were

talking to a tree. Is that right?There's

this kite eating tree that eats up all my

kites. That's ridiculous, Charlie

Brown. There's no such thing.

And if there were, I have a simple

solution for you. What's that?

Five cents, please. Good grief.

What is it?Very simple. If you

fly the kite high enough, it will simply

go over the tree and the tree won't be

able to eat it. Hey, that's a great

idea. Thanks. Lucy's

right. All I have to do is run very

fast and then get it up in the air.

That's it. That's it. And

then. Oh,

no. Oh, no. Stupid tree

got it again. How'd it work?That

stupid tree has got my kite again.

Yell at it, Charlie Brown. You

stupid tree. Let go of that kite.

Now grab it and shake it. Now

kick it.

Why do you do everything I tell you?

What's the matter, Charlie Brown?That

tree has my kite. It grabs

kites and it chews them up.

What's it doing now?It's

spitting out the bones.

You know, I just realized something.

You hate me because I recognize you for

what you are. A dirty, scheming,

no good kite eating tree. You also

hate me because you need me. I'm the only

one around here who flies kites, and

without me, you'd get pretty hungry.

What would you do if I decided not to fly

any kites this year, huhWhat would you do?

You'd starve to death. That's what you'd

do. It sort of

shakes you up, doesn't it?Without me,

you're nothing.

Excuse me, Charlie Brown, but you look

sort of different. Like some change has

come over you. For the first time in

my life, I feel needed.

This is going to be a new experience for

me. Well, I think you'll find it a very

rewarding one. The planting of a tree

shows faith in the future. This is

the spot I had in mind.

That's fine. That's deep enough.

There. Isn't it beautiful?

Someday, years from now, we

may sit in the shade of this tree and

have a picnic.

Charlie Brown. Of all the

Charlie Browns in the world, you're the

Charlie Browniest.

What are you doing up so early?I have to

finish this report for school.

If I don't get it in today, I'm

doomed.

Hey, what are you doing?That's my term

paper. You stupid beagle!

Come back! Here's my term paper!

Oh, no! You stupid Beagle! You swallowed

my term paper!

Sorry I'm late, ma'am. I had a little

problem with my term paper. Anyway,

here it is.

Yes, ma'am. You want me to read my term

paper to the class?I may have a

little difficulty reading it. I

said I may have a little difficulty

reading it. However, I'll see what

I can remember.

School is out! No

more school!

Look at this camp, right out in the

woods. I bet

this place is filled with gully cats

just waiting to bite a person on the arm.

On the arm?Gully

cats know that tennis rackets are made

with gully cat gut. They like to bite

people on the arms so they can't play

tennis anymore. Maybe we could get

them to think nylon.

Charlie Brown, how come we end up at

summer camp every year when we really

don't want to go?I think it's just

something that happens to kids. It's

called urban renewal.

Golly, Sir, it's great to see you at camp

again this year. Do you Remember Me?

My name is Marcy. We were in the same

tent last year. Of course I remember

you. As soon as I saw you get off the

bus, I said, well, if it isn't,

what's your face?I appreciate you

remembering me, Sir. Stop calling

me Sir.

Are we going around the lake this year

and visit the boys camp, Sir?I

don't know. Maybe we should just stay

here and see if they visit us.

It's a long day and it's a big lake

and life is too short. Let's go.

I can hardly wait to see old Chuck. We're

going to have a great time. Sir, I

didn't tell you, did I?But there's

another girl in our camp who knows Chuck.

Another girl?Who?I don't know her

name, but she has red hair. And she

said she used to go to the same school

with Chuck. Let

me get this straight. You mean that

red-haired girl Chuck always talks about

is in our camp?Let's

go back. I want to have a talk with her.

What are you looking at, Linus?Those two

girls down there. They were walking

around the lake. They were coming this

way. Then they stopped, and

suddenly they turned around and ran

back. I hate mysteries.

All right, where is she?Point out the

red-haired girl to me. You're still in

love with Chuck, aren't you, Sir?Stop

calling me Sir. All I

want to do is meet this girl Chuck is

always talking about. Slugging her won't

solve anything, Sir. If you don't hurry

up and point her out to me, I'm going to

slug you. I'm not afraid of

you, Sir.

There she is, Sir. There's the little

red-haired girl. Are you going to talk to

her?Are you going to hit her?What are you

going to do, Sir?Sir,

what are you looking at now, Linus?There

seems to be some excitement in the girl's

camp. What do you think it could be?

One of them probably saw a queen snake.

Hey, kid, is your name Brown?

You're wanted at the counselor's office.

Me?Why would the counselor want me?

Maybe they're going to put me to work in

the kitchen. Maybe I'll have to clean out

the grease trap. Maybe they won't even

think about it. Good evening, Sir.

How's the grease trap?

What did the counselor say, Charlie Brown?

I'm being sent home. They say I'm

a troublemaker. You a

troublemaker?That's

ridiculous. They said that something

happened over at the girls camp. And my

name was mentioned and that obviously I

was a troublemaker, so they're sending me

home. We'll sue them, Charlie

Brown. We'll take it to the Supreme

Court. My name was mentioned at the

girls camp. Wow.

Just think, wishy-washy old me

being sent home because I'm a

troublemaker. Ha. I can't

believe it. This was the best camp

experience I ever had. The

girls actually talked about me. I've

got to go home early. And best

of all, I never had to clean up a glease

trap.

Peppermint Patty, what are you doing

here?Working on my guilt feelings.

Where's Chuck?I have to see him. They

sent him home. They said he was the cause

of some trouble in the girls' camp.

I'm the trouble, Linus. It was all my

fault, and I feel terrible. I

think I'm getting sick. I feel

shaky. Here, hold this for

a while. It'll calm you down.

Gut-level medicine.

What happened at the girls' camp,

Peppermint Patty?I finally saw the

little red haired girl that Chuck is

always talking about. And you know what I

did?I cried. I cried, Linus.

I cried and cried and

cried. You better give me my

blanket back. I don't think I'm ready for

this. I stood in front of that little

red-haired girl and saw how pretty she

was. Suddenly, I realized

why Chuck has always loved her, and I

realized that no one would ever love me

that way. I started to cry and

I couldn't stop. I made a fool of myself,

but I didn't care. I have a big

nose and my split ends have split

ends and I'll always be funny looking

and I think I'm going to cry again.

She's so pretty, she just sort of

sparkles. I'll never sparkle.

I'm a mud fence. I'm a plain

Jane. The only person

who ever knows how I feel is Snoopy.

If Snoopy were here, he'd lean over and

kiss me on the cheek like. This

sweetie, you kissed me,

Linus. Beauty is in the

eye of the beholder.

Someday someone is going to look at you

and say behold a great

beauty. Sir, the bus for home

is leaving in an hour. Linus

just kissed me on the cheek. And you tell

me the bus is leaving?Never take a

summer romance seriously, sir.

Stop calling me sir!

It's raining outside.

Sometimes people who like each other walk

in the rain and hold hands.

His piano's in tune, but he is not.

If you really liked me, would you give me

presents?Absolutely. I'd give you

candy and flowers and jewelry and

books and record albums. If you

really liked me. If I really liked

you, rats. What if

you and I got married someday, Schroeder?

And what if we were so poor you had to

sell your piano so we could buy

saucepans?

Saucepans?Sure.

You wouldn't expect me to keep house

without a good set of saucepans,

would you?Saucepans?

Girls have to think about these things.

Boys are lucky. They never have to worry

about things like saucepans. I

can't stand it. I just can't

stand it. They say

that we girls are like beautiful

music. We are like

songs one cannot forget.

Do you ever think of me as a melody that

lingers on and on and

on and on and on and on

and on and on and on and.

Some people find it difficult to put

their feelings into words. If I were you,

Schroeder, and there was something I

wanted to say to a certain somebody, I'd

say it with music. That's an idea.

I learned something today about hands.

What's that?Give me your hand and I'll

show you. They're

fun to hold.

Hello, Schroeder?I just heard a

song on the radio. And it reminded me of

you. Maybe someday if we get

married, I'll call you like this when

you're at work and I'll tell you how I'm

thinking about you. Would you like that?

I'm sorry, your call did not go through.

Please hang up and do not dial again.

OK, that does it. I'm

going over to Schroeder's house and I'll

tell him that it's all over between us.

We're through.

I've decided something. You and I

are through. How can we be through?

We never even started. That

didn't even come close to working.

Now that you and I are through,

Schroeder, why don't you stop hanging

around my house?This isn't your

house. This is my house.

It's amazing how stupid you can be when

you're in love.

Hello, Schroeder?Now that you

and I are through, why do you keep

calling me on the phone?I didn't call

you. You called me. How

come you never get a wrong number when

you need one?

Now that you and I are through, Schroeder,

I'm returning all the gifts I was going

to give you. Thank you.

That didn't even make sense.

If I told you that we were through, and I

really didn't mean it, would we still be

through?If I told you that it didn't

matter to me one way or the other, would

we still be through?Well, if

I told you that I meant I thought I

knew that we were through,

When I said that you thought I

knew, I told you we were through, but

I said we

love is not knowing what you're talking

about. OK,

this is it. Tell me that you love

me, kiss me on the nose, and give me a

big hug.

Look out, everybody. I'm going to be

crabby for the rest of the day.

You're looking for your piano, right?

Well, guess what?I

washed it. You what?

I bet that piano hasn't been cleaned in

two years, so I put it in the washer.

You can't put a piano in the washer.

Oh, don't get so excited. It came out

fine. From a washer?

I will admit one thing, however, I don't

think I should have put it in the dryer.

What are you doing in here?Don't tell me

you're afraid of things that go bump in

the night. Now look here. You're

supposed to be our watchdog. Get

out there and watch.

It's your responsibility to guard this

house, this yard, and this neighborhood.

Good grief.

All right, I'm going to put it to you

straight. Tonight you stay

outside and be our watchdog, or tomorrow

you get no supper. Let your stomach

decide.

I'm glad I was firm with Snoopy. That

dog has got to learn to stay outside.

Why do I always feel guilty?

I have a problem. Actually, it

concerns Snoopy. He suddenly seems to be

afraid to sleep out at night. He keeps

hearing noises. Do you deal in animal

psychiatry?Would you try and help him?

I'll treat any patient who has a problem

and a nickel. Sit down, please.

Charlie Brown tells me you have a

problem. You seem to have developed this

fear of the dark or something. Is this

true?I feel like I'm

interviewing a teddy bear. Now, the

way I understand it, you seem to be

hearing noises at night. This makes you

afraid to stay outside and fulfill your

duties as a watchdog, which in

turn makes you feel guilty, right?

Stay awake when I'm talking to you.

We're going to have a good doctor patient

relationship or I'm going to slug you. Do

you understand?And it's not

necessary to salute. Today,

let's talk a little about your

background. Were you happy at home?

Did you like your mother and father?How

did you feel toward the other?If you'll

pardon the expression, dogs in your

family here.

Now I want you to relax and think about

something. Say to yourself.

I am loved. I am needed.

I am important.

This letter is for you, Snoopy. It looks

like a bill. Let's see. It's a

statement from Lucy, your doctor. She

says you owe her a total amount

of $0.20. No discounts.

When are you going to pay your doctor

bill?You stupid Beagle. I

cured you and now I want to be paid.

I can't run my office on nothing. Do you

think we doctors are in business for our

mental health?I know you're

kind. You think you can get away with not

paying your doctor bill, don't you?

Well, you know what I'm going to do?I'm

going to take your supper dish. When you

pay me my $0.20, I'll return your

supper dish.

Stop kicking my office.

Look, Snoopy, I paid your doctor bill and

Lucy returned your supper.

I know you'll never have $0.20, but you

can pay me back by being a

good watchdog, a faithful companion,

and a humble dog.

Why can't I have a normal dog like

everyone else?