01x02 - The Book of Doom

[bunniefuu]

Careful, little buddy. My uncanny worm

senses tell me we may be in danger.

No, really. Gosh, nothing

gets by you. Do it. Now that I have

shrunk you to make mascopic size with

Professor Monkey for Aheads patented

reducing cream in lotion or ointment

form. I will crush you

like some

easily crushed thing.

Wormin head! Wormin head!

Psychro's Behavioral Control Center!

Quick! Your tape player! You're not going

to get custard on it again, are you?

To tango!

Once again, villainy is as a bug beneath

your mighty heel, Jim.

Colorful turn of phrase, Peter, but we

must hasten home. That reducing cream

will wear off shortly. Before it does, we

have an urgent mission to accomplish. We

must clean that hard to reach place under

the fridge.

Earthworm Jim. The soil he did crawl.

Earthworm Jim. A super, super fall. Jim

was just a dirt, eating chewy length of

worm flesh. But all that came to a crash

again. Earthworm Jim. He's such

a groovy guy. Earthworm Jim. He rockets

through the sky. Groovy the universe,

having lots of fun. Here comes Earthworm

Jim. You know that he's a mighty one.

Despite his great big muscles And his

really big gray g*n Jim is still an

earthworm But then he's the only one With

a super suit to make him really super

strong Jim can be a winner if we only

sing along All right Earthworm Jim We

think he's mighty fine Earthworm Jim A

hero for all time Earthworm,

earthworm, earthworm, earthworm Jim

Go, Ruby!

On the infernal planet Heck, on his

important throne sits vileness incarnate.

The personification of malevolence.

Evil the Cat. Get coat of milk?

Done. Return videos?Done.

Punish and traps.

Done. Thank you,

boss. Go to dry cleaners. Done.

Destroy entire universe.

Hmm

This spell will require the most

loathsome things in existence. Eye of

Newt, black cat's bone thrice boiled at

midnight. You may already have one

letter. Uh,

now I will uncover the location of the

book. Not the

book. Yes,

the book.

Yes, the book. The

vilest tome in creation. The most

dreaded manuscript ever published. The

volume so foul men dare not speak its

name. Fuzzy Wuzzy's Funny

Animals Pop-up Book. The

history of the book. Centuries

ago, a foolish printer left his

apprentice in charge. Now,

Mongo, print you this amusing

and folded children's tone, but do

not of accident print

this. Yay,

mystic fakery of

old strange

words, my Lord. What does

of mean?Witless Jacqueline.

It saith the Mystic secret

of ultimate destruction.

Late that night, Mongo's feeble mind

began to wander. I don't wander.

Why does my foot hurt when I run

the peaky pests?And also,

what capeth the fish from drowning?

Tis a funny word,

yes. Thus did history's most grievous

printer's error occur. Fuzzy

Wuzzy's Funny Animals pop-up book came to

include the secret for destroying the

universe right after the Pudgy Wudgy

Hippo. Only one coffee still exists, its

location unknown for centuries

until now. Cauldron,

show me the location of the

book. The book is.

My now, what a

coincidence. Meanwhile, in

Earthworm Jim's secret headquarters, I'm

afraid I can't save the world today, Mr.

President. I'm on a mission of the utmost

importance.

I just never get enough of the

pudgy-wudgy hippo.

I still don't think this one is funny.

Hey, what does ye mythic secret mean?

You're right, snot. It does make you

wonder if there was a grievous printer's

error. Hark!

My uncanny worm senses detect the dread

footfall's ability!

Halt, vilefowl of righteousness!

All right, worm, give me...

The book.

Never! You can beat me to a pulp! You can

slice me to ribbons! But no one

judges my fuzzy wuzzy!

Actually, I'd just as soon take a rain

check on the beating and the slicing

part. Okay.

We'll do this the hard way.

Now!

All right! Mushy French

cheese!

Hmm, that is some bad

cheese.

She's hardening. Training,

strength. Can't move.

Jim, come on. You've got to

break free. We

will have the book. And you

two will have the honor of being the last

foolish mortals I ripped to shreds

before I destroy

the universe.

Lifestyles of the rich and villainous

tonight we profile Professor Monkey for a

head. Inventor of such tray shake evil

devices as the awesome

sparktronic protoblock to fire,

the terrible atomic banana,

and the abominable they toilet.

The nefarious professor lives a life of

luxury in his glamorous space station

laboratory. Here,

Professor Monkey for a Head and its

companion, Monkey Professor for a Head.

Enjoy their many hobbies. Bing

Bong.

Ground main.

And of course, gourmet cooking.

After a hard day of terrorizing the

Galaxy, they enjoy nothing more than a

quiet evening before a roaring

fire.

But the professor is some advice for

young would be supervillains. It's not

all champagne. Sometimes

there's real pain.

I told him not to sh**t my right profile.

He made me look like some kind of. Fake.

Did you put my patented reducing cream in

the coffee again?Turn

that off, you real, I think.

This is no longer a caring relationship.

And now back to Earthworm Jim.

Trapped in an unbreakable, cheesy grip,

Jim is at the mercy of the razor-sharp

claws of evil, the cat. I shall

have the book, and with it I shall

destroy the universe.

That'll hold him for a minute. Good thing

we reinforced the door after that

incident with the old lady from UNICEF.

I do. Still weak

from cheese. Peter, evil

is a cat. The most

evil cat in the universe, to be sure. A

cat the likes of whom we won't see again.

But still, a cat. You must

call for help from your canine

brethren. It's been a long time since

I've spoken dog, but I'll try.

Arf, arf, woof.

Here, let me try.

Ow!

Foolish dogs. I could destroy you

with a thought.

We go home fast, fast now, boss.

Hintrac's going to miss his

self-actualization workshop. No, my

mindless rodent lackey. I

have a plan.

Later, our heroes have an unexpected

visitor.

Were you expecting an unexpected visitor?

How could they be unexpected if I expect

them?Enough of this witty banter. I'll

get the door. Oh,

boo hoo, and woe is me. I am a

small child and not a cat.

I am so bored and wish I had some

amusing book with which to entertain

myself with. Did I mention

I'm not a cat?

Poor suffering pike.

Your piteous tale has touched my heart.

My mind reels back to my own sad

childhood. The horrible dank burrows, the

constant hunger for decaying

vegetation... and the crust!

The terrible dried grass!

Just give me the book, you fathead. Oh,

right. Sorry.

Now, foolish worm, I shall

destroy the universe.

Kids are so advanced today. Not more than

three, and already he's out to destroy

the universe.

By the great worm spirit, whose mighty

bristles strike the hammer blows of

justice! After him!

And so Jim pursues evil through the vast

inky void of space. Eat dirt,

detestable nemesis of virtue.

We must have more speed. I cannot do it,

Captain. She'll not take the strain.

Why are you talking like that?Hint

wet not know.

Forget it. Now man the verbal

torpedo.

Jim, what's that?The most horrible peril

in all the universe. A gym teacher?

OK, second most horrible peril. A black

hole! Our heroes fall inexorably toward

the second most horrible peril in the

universe, a black. Oh. I need time

to fix the rocket. I'll solve this

problem with my 4 hyper-intelligent

brains. I'm hungry. I'm

cold. I'm itchy. Where are the girls?Oh.

Okay. When all else fails, start

busting!

Hey, dart insufferable space anomaly!

Jim, we're slowing down. Your g*n's

blasts have the same charge as the

particles around the black hole's

Schwarzchild radius, so we're being

electromagnetically repelled. HuhHuh

HuhGirls?Never mind.

Just keep blasting. If you say so, little

buddy.

Way to go, Jim. I'll have those get fixed

soon. We must find that treacherous

cat and save the universe! Oh, heck

with the universe! I want my book back!

I love Fuzzy Wuzzy like a brother.

Just as the proper note can shatter a

glass, so can the proper sound shatter

the universe. This sound is a shriek

made by the reeking beast of malodor and

sex. Every beast must make the sound at

once for it to work. The beast will only

make the proper sound when they see a

fondue fork. Of

course, it's so

obvious. Quick to the malodorant

system. If only I could remember what was

on that page after the hippo, we might

know where Evil has gone. Come on,

brains, do your stuff.

Wait. One thing can jog even the most

stubborn memory, the hideous smell of

the reeking beasts. Quick to the

malodorant system. On

Malodorant 6, Evil sets up a hologram

device to project a vast fondue fork in

the sky. Now

I shall destroy the universe.

What we do then, boss?

I hadn't really thought about it,

actually. Gloat, I suppose.

Cackle wickedly amid the ashes sort of

thing.

Smell overwhelming

hope. You think you've

got it, Pat?You don't even have a nose.

Must get closer.

Must be strong. Oh,

the smell. I got to get out of

here.

Hurry, Jim. I can't. I

can't stand it. It's

working. I'm

remembering! I

remember the wreaking beast!

How could you forget them?

That's how you destroy the universe! You

get all the wreaking beasts to see a

fondue fork! It's so

obvious! And it means

evil must be here! I can't

stand it! It smells so bad, it hurts!

It hurts!

Um, it doesn't hurt that bad, does it,

little buddy?Um, I'll take that as

a big yes.

A hologram projector! Got to

stop him!

Hey, Bucky! Catch!

Impudent world. Face the wrath of

my acid furball.

Yes, history will remember me as the

cat who destroyed the universe.

Except there won't be any historians.

Why isn't everything shattering?What

went wrong?Oh, sad.

Oh, looks like a cantaloupe, don't it?

Come on,

it's a fondue fork.

For fondue. Now emit your

shriek so I can destroy the universe.

I'll pull the other one, mate. It looks

more like a cream turtle. What's name?

I was historic pump.

How fitting that evil should remain here.

Trapped forever in his own private smell.

You said it, you big universe-saving lug.

Ohh

Well, we defeated evil, we've saved the

universe, and we're reunited with the

pudgy-wudgy hippo.

Life is good! Only one thing could

spoil my mood now. What's that, Jim?

Oh.