01x06 - Upholstered Peril

[bunniefuu]

Earthworm Jim and his faithful sidekick,

Peter Puppy, are prisoners of that

freshwater fiend, Bob the k*ller

Goldfish. Prepare to bring your

last Earthworm Jim. Oh, right.

Like I take breathing advice from someone

with gills. Laugh

at this nefarious swimmer of waters

within which you tinkle.

You're supposed to say curses. Foil

again. Why are you still laughing?Oh.

Infernal Perfect. You shall learn the

meaning of pain. I know what it means. I

know what it means!

Like it, it's shark skin.

Wilder! Wilder! Happy to

oblige.

ohh Wicked suit, Jim. Is it

waterproof?

Earthworm Jim The soil he did crawl

Earthworm Jim A super suit that fall Jim

was just a dirt Eating chewy lengths of

worm flesh But all that came to a crash

again Earthworm Jim He's

such a groovy guy Earthworm Jim He rocked

up through the sky Earth through the

universe Having lots of fun Here comes

EarthwormJim, you know that he's a mighty

one

Despite his great big muscles And his

really big gray g*n Jim is still an

earthworm But then he's the only one With

a super suit to make him really super

strong Jim can be a winner if we only

sing along All right Earthworm Jim We

think he's mighty fine Earthworm Jim A

hero for all time

Earthworm, Earthworm Jim.

Go Groovy. A

typical day on the tiny, insignificant

planet called Earth. Typical Earthlings

go about their typical business. Typical

stockbrokers. Buy, sell, buy,

sell, buy, b*mb. Accident. Hospital.

Sorry, buy, buy.

Typical dogs.

Typical low-life th*gs.

Also, you know what they call cheese in

Paris?What do they call it?Le fromage. Le

fromage, man. It's like those French guys

have a whole other language. Yeah. Yeah

But today, something not so typical

has come to this planet.

Something evil.

All right, punks, you have the right to

remain seated.

While earthlings everywhere turn into

couch potatoes, Jim relaxes in his secret

headquarters. Hello, my little

perforated friend.

Peter, have you been licking my

stamps again?I know you like to

taste the glue, but Peter,

look what was just delivered.

But this is a secret headquarters. How

could anything be delivered?We never

should have given your address to that

long distance service. Peter, there's

something about this sofa.

Something evil.

Some hideous fiend has removed the do not

remove under penalty of law tag.

Come on, Jim. It's just a sofa. A

beautiful, enchanting,

comfy sofa.

Must sit. Must sit.

Peter, no! Down, boy!

Bad dog!

OhhWe interrupt this

program for a special news button.

Mysterious sofas are appearing all

over the earth, turning anyone who sits

on them into into

zom zom

bees. Uh, Rikki. We're staring at her and

she's staring at us. Shouldn't that cause

some kind of feedback?Oh, I forgot.

I must not sit.

That was too close.

Come on, Peter. Oh, boy. Oh,

I'll let you lick my stamps.

I'll give you a huge pile of

freaking garbage.

This calls for drastic measures.

Look, it's the three tenors.



Now go, huhI guess I'll have to do it the

messy way.

Someone's in the secret tunnel.

Why, it's Grayson, Turlock's resident boy

genius and head of the Earthworm Gym fan

club. Uh, yeah. I know

who I am, thanks. Check this out!

Yes, one of these sofas appeared in my

house. I examined it and found something

incredible. Just look.

We're being watched at Natural.

This sofa is an artificial life form, a

biomechanism, a cyber couch, if you will.

Une settee envy, as the French say. But

frankly, I'm much more worried about

this. I found it in my house, just

lurking there. It's up to no good. I'd

stake my reputation as a hopeless social

misfit on it.

It followed me. Grayson, it's

just an end table. Granted, you don't see

them much these days. Most people have

those low coffee tables or those

whatchamacallits. They go behind the

sofa, kind of tallish and on the

tip of my tongue.

Definitely not typical behavior for

household furnishings.

That is one bad end table. Can

Jim escape the deadly end table?Is this

what comes from years of waxy build up?

Stay tuned. We'll soon come

back to the furniture.

Hello. I'm PsyCrow, scourge of

the spaceways. I'd like to take a moment

to talk to yous about a very serious

problem, the illness known as

superheroism.

So we've all seen these superheroes,

dwarting, innocent evildoers,

vile and nefarious schemes, and

generally making the universe unsafe for

villains everywhere.

Now, most of us just say to ourselves,

but what can I do?But now

there is hope. These poor

souls can be cured with margarine

aversion therapy at the

Superhero Treatment Center.

Oh, aye, I am in

danger. I'll save you.

But how can you tell if someone suffers

from superheroism?Look for these

convenient early warning signs.

Evidence of strange powers.

Here, Lois, let me.

Dang.

Unusual household fixtures.

How do you suppose that got there?

Or of course, the use of such phrases as.

The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.

So, if a friend or loved one shows any of

these signs, call the Superheroism

Treatment Center. Eat

dirt, pointy big squeeze

head!

Do it! And

now, back to Earthworm Jim.

What did you do to get this end table so

cheesed off?I... I put a wet

glass on it without a coaster.

Yep, that'll do it.

HmmDon't look at me, Mr. Slash with a

laser sword first. Feel sorry later.

Hey, table!

Todo! Todo!

So foul, end table, the weed of crime

bears bitter fruit, eh

Hey, Groovy.

Techno guts. Gem, this

k*ller furniture must be appearing all

over the earth. Right?This looks like a

job for a big worm in a super suit.

Right before the table attacked, I heard

a high-pitched whine. It wasn't me, was

it?No, it was a subsonic

signal. Someone is controlling this

fiendish furniture. Of course you track

down that signal while I go kick some

upholstered butt

Earthworm Jim's battles with the deadly

furniture take him as far as Buckingham

Palace.

I've got lots of evil furniture to fight.

I can't spend all day on the throne.

Okay, leather boys, let's

rumble!

Like I always say, you can never have

enough accessories.

More munchies.

Here, little buddy. Try some ray fried

beans. Then who's good eatin'?Hmm

I'll never beat all this nefarious

furniture. It's everywhere! A hideous

blanket of evil covering the earth like

an evil blanket that's really...

hideous! Yeah.

Hi. You've reached the Earthworm Gym chat

line. Oh, it's you, Grayson. Uh-huh

The signal's coming from where?

Uh-ha. I knew it. The criminal mastermind

behind all this is none other than

Santa Claus. I

knew he couldn't be trusted. Oh, he's

going down people's chimneys and those

elves. Does he pay them or are they

sl*ves to his evil will?

Professor Monkey for a head.

Then again, perhaps Santa is just the

cherry-nose personification of holiday

spirit. Uh,

Professor, I see you found a new

evil hideout. Yes, yes, but I had to kick

out some fat guy in a red suit.

So, you water in a

workshop, huhThose oats got

green cards. h*, h*,

h*! Well?Hit the road, Jack. I don't want

no sweat shop around here.

All right, Professor. Your reign of

interior design terror is over.

Ah Groovy chair, by the way.

Peter! This would be a good time to snap

out of your trance! Mom, do you

ever feel... not so fresh?

Quit it!

Earthworm Jim, my evil furniture has

paved the way for my secret weapon!

We will go when I'm good and ready.

All right, I'm good and ready! Destroy

him!

No! I wonder if

that's what happened to last year's tax

return.

It's the upholstered peril! The earth is

doomed! Doomed, I tell

ya! Doomed in case you didn't hear

me! I couldn't put the c*ck

higher. You'll know how I get nosebleeds

over to me. Is Jim

about to be filed under D for destroyed,

M for mangled, or X for

X terminated?Oh, now wait a minute. That

would be an EI mean, who are the people

who are supposed to?Oh well, you get the

idea. Stay tuned.

When last we saw Earthworm Jim, he was

about to be rearranged by the furniture.

More munchies.

More munchies.

Interrupt this program for a special

subconscious bulletin. I'm your

subconscious mind, Peter. You must break

the sofa spell and save Jim. Think of all

the great times you've had together.

Come on, man, smack out of it!

Ohh Exactly what I had in mind.

Sorry, big fella. No

sweat, ex-couch potato fuzz buddy. Now

let's stop that chair. What chair?I'll

explain on the way. I have a cunning

plan. On

the way where, Jim?The place where

villains always attack first, of course.

Our beloved hometown of Turlock.

Say, Clem, looky

yonder. Appears to be another

of them marauding space villains.

Now, why do you suppose they always

pick on our humble little town?

Don't know. Maybe we ought to change the

sign on the convention center.

Fruit carts. I hate fruit carts.

Why?I'll tell you why.

Because a fruit cart, a stinking

fruit cart, k*lled my

paw.

Smells like Aunt Bee's baking another

fruit pie. What are you doing?

Simple. What's the mortal enemy of all

upholstered furniture?

Cats! Cats, ca-- oh!

Right! Duh

I've rewired the subsonic transmitter to

broadcast the signal which will attract

cats from miles around.

Uh-kay. Plan B. Flee like extras in a

Godzilla movie?You read my mind, little

buddy. I

have you stop! Now, Earth would turn out!

Jim! Don't let your hands off

everything. I just can't keep anything

nice with you around.

Taste the deadly weapon hidden deep

within the bowels of my battle lounger.

Not

the dreaded loose

change!

We're trapped. Unless we dive into this

festering lake of putrid cesspool scum.

You first. Wait.

I had one of those sudden inspirations I

so often get just when we seem doomed. I

am not wearing the dress this time.

No, no, no, no, noThis time it's a good

idea. Eat

dirt, cushiony engine of destruction!

Curses! I'll get you for this

earthworm gem! I

mean, we'll get!

So, tell me all about your adventure, oh

hero whom I worship even above Stephen

Hawking. Well, Grayson, I hate

to toot my own horn. But Peter's written

a little song about it. Take it away,

Pete. Well, here's a story about Jim,

the Earth's mightiest worm. His

head is real floppy and his

muscles real firm. Jim

fought evil chairs and the

various dressers,

inventions of a monkey headed

professor.

Hey, go on,

my musical chum. I'll find out what that

bracket is. OK.

Well, it came to a big skirmish, but

Jim's a great-- Take it on home, Pete.

And he saved all the world from the

evil furniture. Yes,

he saved all the world from the

evil

furniture. All

right. One more

time. Seems a new neighbor's building a

workshop. It's kind of odd. Fat guy in a

red suit. I just hope all those elves

have green cards.