01x08 - The Egg Beater

[bunniefuu]

Once again, Earthworm Jim and Peter Puppy

face doom at the fins of Bob the

k*ller Goldfish. La Plana de

Agua will be your

watery grave. I expected just

such a situation and came prepared with

this. Gosh, an ordinary

household egg beater. How fortuitous.

When I crank this handle, it will create

a mighty whirlpool and destroy the

robo squid. That

won't stop me, fish boy.

I can feel the fierce waters of the

whirlpool rushing past.

Look out, Jim. My robo

squid. My

cyber tuna.

My techno sturgeon. My

big fuzzes.

Did it work?Did it work?Um, kind of.

He's all gone. Everything

I worked for from Phyllis

Kaputski. Ah, poor

little crazed fiend.

Cheer up! There'll be other giant death

machines. Of course, I'll destroy those,

too. It's all

just 'cause it's yours now. I think he

needs some alone time.

Earthworm Jim. The soil he did crawl.

Earthworm Jim. A super, super fall. Jim

was just a dirt eating chewy length of

worm flesh. But all that came to a crash

again. Earthworm Jim. He's such

a groovy guy. Earthworm Jim. He rockets

through the sky. Groovy the universe,

having lots of fun. Here comes Earthworm

Jim. You know that he's a mighty one.

Despite his great big muscles And his

really big ray g*n Jim is still an

earthworm But then he's the only one With

a super suit to make him really super

strong Jim can be a winner if we only

sing along All right! Earthworm Jim We

think he's mighty fine Earthworm Jim A

hero for all time! Earthworm,

earthworm, earthworm, earthworm Jim

Groovy!

It's like charades. I draw something, and

you try to guess what it is. Draw away my

amusement-starved chum. Uh..



factory. You're too good at

this.

Howdy, Mrs. Gleverage! Ohh

Howdy, me! Your repulsive

mutation! Where's the eggbeater you

borrowed?Uh, the eggbeater?

Gasp of horror!

By the great worm spirit, whose sacred

loins birthed the cosmos! I left it

behind!No respect

for other people's property. You super

worms are all alike. I'm American, I call

it! You're right, you're right, you're

right. I'm not fit to coexist with

patriotic folks such as yourself, Mrs.

Bleveridge. I

have violated the sacred social contract.

Ohh How can I redeem

myself?I know!

Come, Mrs. Bleveridge, we shall journey

across the peril-packed universe, boldly

facing the flesh-rending dangers which

await us to retrieve your

precious Eggbeater. And so Jim

rockets across the stars on a mission of

universe-shattering importance, the quest

for the priceless Eggbeater.

Fear not, Mrs. Bleveridge. It won't get

really dangerous unless by someamazing

coincidence, we run into one of my arch

enemies.

Oh, what an amazing

coincidence. Big

funny worm called squashy-squashy, yes.

The end of Goshen! I must call

upon the Space Crickets! Yes, the

Space Crickets, these heroic insect

guardians of the galaxy battle to protect

the innocent. They combat injustice

wherever it appears, and they are

currently on vacation in Bobby's.

On holiday, sorry you're doomed. Love

the space crickets. It looks

like I'll just have to do this the

old-fashioned way. Eat dark,

big, shiny battlecraft!

Onward, Mrs. Bleveridge, in search of

your cherished egg beater. Ba

ba ba ba ba. Listen, Jim, she's doing her

impression of a motorboat.

Meanwhile, Evil and his henchrack find

themselves stranded on the Planet of

the Mimes.

Funny man, pretend there is wind.

Soon, our heroes reach La Planita de

Agua. It's got to

be here somewhere. Not here. Too bad.

Let's go. No, we mustn't give up hope.

We must keep searching as long as we

still draw breath. It shouldn't be

for long. I have repaired my

fearsome robo squid with the help of

Professor Monkey for a head.

Whoa! Old simian skulls here?I love

it when you're far from home and you run

into people you know. Well, actually, he

just left. Apparently, that weather gives

him a nasty rash. Anyway,

not only did he repair my

robo-squid, he improved

it!

If you want a job done right, hire a guy

with a monkey for a head. That's what I

always say. Oh, you do not always say

that. You usually say something like...

Hey, tentacle doom, foolish Earthlands!

Right, something like that.

We can leave now, 'cause I really don't

want my egg beat anymore, and I kind of

had a crack in it with something I really

don't want, so we can leave now.

Coming soon. The greatest cinematic epic

of all time. Young earthworm,

Jim, filled in eye-shattering warmo

color. Thrilled to young Jim's

battle with a ferocious tiger.

Marvel at young Jim's adventures in

ancient Egypt.

Drool over the love story that shocked a

nation. Now, young Jim,

take me into your arms. Kiss

me as I've never been kissed

before. No one will be

admitted to the theater during the

terrifying wriggling sequence.

Can your heart stand the strain of young

earthworm Jim?Coming soon to a cinema

near you.

And now so sorry. Back

to Earthworm Jim. The fully ground one,

that is. Pair it up, good lady. I shall

devise a clever plan to save you from

this dread peril.

Let's see. Clever plan,

clever plan. Yes! The

Time b*mb Challenge ploy! Of

course! Simple, yet elegant.

We're here in the kitchen of Mrs. Squid

to prove that the ordinary fish wife

can't tell our time b*mb from this much

more expensive Brand X time b*mb.

Well, Mrs. Squid,

an excellent choice, Mrs. Squid.

OK. Bob, if that is your

real name, where is the

Eggbeater?Y'all came all the way out here

and destroyed my giant death machine

again. Just for an

Eggbeater?Of course. I would do

anything to prevent the suffering of the

noble Mrs. Bleveridge.

How kind of you, Mr.

President. Shut up. I'm sick of the both

of you. I may be defeated, but

y'all won't never see your precious eight

beater again.

Professor Monkey for a head has it.

Once more into the hideous small danger

we go.

At last, I have completed the diabolical

device requested by Queen Slug for a

bunt. Behold the

hypno laser.

This egg beater thingy was just what

I needed.

See how the shiny, spinning blades

reflect the laser into a myriad of beams

of hypnotic light.

When I snap my fingers, you will be a

chicken.

It's the ultimate weapon and great

fun at parties.

You're right. Perhaps we should try it on

a test subject who's not already a

chicken.

See ya! Wait, I... I..

All right, Mr. Fancy Pants,

hand over the eggbeater. Egg gag!

What will I do without my hypno-laser?I'm

doomed. Doomed!

Oh, right. I can just use my deadly

freeze ray and my terrible flying brain

sucker.

Whoa!

Now, I shall freeze you as solid

as... A solid, freezy, frozen thing.

Oh, right. Thank you, a block of ice.

Huzzah! The space

crickets have come to save

us!

Good thing we have exoskeletons. Now for

you,

Luckily, your incredibly fakey wig

clogged the mechanism, saving your brains

from suckage most foul. All

right, you fiend, where's the egg

beater?Moments

later, our bold heroes rocket through

space, hot on the trail of Psychro's

space cow. go to all this trouble

from me honest. I never liked that

eggbeater. A noble sentiment, ma'am. But

I'd never dream of letting you down and

leaving your batter unbeaten.

Okay, Psychro, hand over the eggbeater.

What are you?Don't play dumb with

me, you dumb

guy.

Size isn't everything, you know.

Except in this case. The guidance system

is fried! We may go a little off course.

How far?Far enough!

Bye, guys! Have fun!

We rejoin our heroes as they spiral

headlong toward oblivion!

I feel like... Jim, what are those things

that get real hot and then burn up?Us?

I must not fear. Fear is the mind k*ller.

Fear is the little death that brings

total oblivion. Fear not.

Fortunately, I had the presence of mind

to bring sun lotion. It's SPF



Good and thick.

We're alive and fashionably

tan. Remind me to officially endorse this

sun lotion when we get back, little

buddy. HmmI don't think Missus

B used enough. Once I have

me a pony. Little sponey pony.

On the planet Insectica, Princess what's

her name and her rebel zerbs prepare to

attack the palace of Queen pulsating,

bloated, festering, sweaty, pus-filled,

malformed slug for a buttOkay,

my ragtag band of freedom fighters,

what do we want?Freedom and green slacks

for a flag! All right,

everybody spit at your gum, it's time to

attack!

Insectica, planet of a thousand

horrors, most dangerous place in the

universe. Come, Mrs. Blybridge.

There we shall seek your egg-beater,

though it means certain doom for us all.

Pony, pony, drain. Right.

Ah, my luxuriant tapestry of bliss. You

have defeated the queen and are

celebrating by doing the chicken dance.

Jim, you've been turned into chickens by

the hypno laser. You know what that

means. Sure do. Omelettes!

No, it means an army of evil Zerbs will

be here any second. Look!

Here, everyone put these on.

Right, they'll protect us from the hypno

laser. Ah, good point. I was

just thinking they'd make us look extra

groovy. Come, Mrs. B. We shall

fight the legions of evil to retrieve

your cherished eggbeater.

Ponies are good. Ponies are bad.

No need to thank me. Now, eat

dirt, gigantic, undefeakable army! Ahh!

Newsflash. Cost of cartoons skyrocket.

Producers seek cheap substitutes for huge

action sequences. What a huge action

sequence!I never thought

we'd survive. What luck, Jim. The

hypno laser has been left unguarded. Not

exactly. You've been a

thorn in our sides long enough, Earthworm

Jim. We've decided to get

together and destroy you once

and for all. And your little

dog, too.

Ha! I outnumber you one to

seven. Sorry, eight.

This is the fight of our lives, Fuzz

Buddy. We must work together like a

well-oiled machine. Ow! Ow! Ow!

ohh

Hey, Peter, it's me, Jim. All

over here. No me. No

me.

One down.

Two down.

Three down.

Pour down!

Sorry, five.

HRAT put the hurt on big funny worm,

yeah!

Six down.

And seven down.

Ruby! Oh, wait. Were there

seven or eight?

Eight. Definitely eight.

Of course!

When I snap my fingers, you will be Queen

Slug for a butt

I need a chicken!

A chicken!

Okay, plan B.

Werbering!

Ah Pouty, Pouty, where you be?

Man, this scepter is gah,

Ruby.

Ohh And so, the hypno laser is destroyed.

All my enemies are squashed like

roadkill. And most importantly, the

fabulous egg beater is returned to its

rightful owner.

Hey, my eggbeater has a brown

handle. Hmm What do you know?

Well Well then, come, we

shall journey across the peril-packed

universe, boldly facing the flesh-rending

dangers which await us to retrieve your

precious eggbeater with a brown

handle.

What do you know?Had it right here all

the time. Hey, Mr. B,

never mind.