02x01 - The Origins of Peter Puppy

[bunniefuu]

We join Earthworm, Jim, and Peter Puppy

as they meet the President of the United

States.

Pleased to meet you, Mr.

Hey, you don't look like the president.

I'm one of those generic presidents they

use on TV to keep shows from becoming

dated. Ohh Well, pleased to meet you,

Mr. Generic President. I am thy humble

servant.

Ungroovy.

Later, Jim and Princess what's-her-name

enjoy a quiet dinner. Are

you enjoying your meal, my fragrant

bouillon cube of joy?

Hey, ready for the Coquille Saint-Jacques

Nouvelle?I'll say,

Peter, shouldn't you be using oven mitts?

Later, still in a China shop.

Oh, sorry, Peter. Was that your foot?

Finally, Jim can stand no more. All

right, this turning into a

monster thing has gone on long enough.

Fuzz, buddy, we must find a way to cure

you once and for all.

Fortunately, I laugh at pain. Ohh Hey!

Hear me

laugh at you

now! Earthworm Jim The soil he did crawl

Earthworm Jim A supersuit to fall Jim was

just a dirt Eating chewy lengths of worm

flesh But all that came to a crash again

Earthworm Jim He's such a groovy guy

Earthworm Jim He rockets through the sky

Cruising through the universe, having

lots of fun Here comes Earthworm Jimknow

that he's a mighty one

Despite his great big muscles And his

really big ray g*n Jim is still an

earthworm But then he's the only one With

a super suit to make him really super

strong Jim can be a winner if we only

sing along All right Earthworm Jim We

think he's mighty fine Earthworm Jim A

hero for all time

Oh, pray for death!

Groovy! We've

got to cure you of turning into a

monster, Peter. If only we knew

what caused it. But I became intelligent

at the same time I started turning into a

monster. Before that, I I was an ordinary

dog. I can't remember a thing,

except... A certain squeak toy. Ah,

young love, the romance, the

passion. All right, that's way

more than I want to know about you and

your squeak toy. Come, fuzz buddy.

We must find a way to unlock your buried

memories. In hopes of

uncovering Peter's past, our heroes try

psychiatry.

Hello, I'm Dr. Houston. Houston, we

have a problem.

You know, that was real funny about the

first 500 times I've heard it.

You are getting sleepy.

So sleepy.

Come on. We haven't got all

day here. I've got other

patients waiting. Hurry

up.

Okay, he's completely under. Now I'll

regress him back to before he had this...

Monster problem. You are

going back, back to

before you had intelligence,

back to when you were an ordinary puppy.

Are you there?

Tell me, what happened to you?

Well, there's your answer. That'll be

$49.95. Next, a Hero's

Try the Psychic Pals line.

Hello, this is your psychic pal. Uh-huh,

yeah. Hi, I'm trying to find out

something about my past. Hmm, I can't

see your past right now, but I can see

your future. Really?What do you see?

I see... I see...

a very large phone bill.

By we, our heroes try experimental

brain surgery. Um, are you

sure this is a good idea, Jim?Don't

worry. I'm just using my junior doctor

fun kit. Oh, and a jackhammer.

All done. How do you feel?I feel

fine. But I still don't remember

anything. What are you

staring at?Ohh Nothing, NothingIt's not

like something went horribly wrong with

the surgery. No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh, what's the use?You'll never find out

what happened to me. We can't give up

now, fuzz buddy. We must try the

earthworm mind meld.

The earthworm mind meld. Hey, you just

made that up, didn't you?Don't question

me. Our

minds are becoming one.

Becoming one. Becoming one.

Check it out, Peter. Our minds are one,

and this is our escral body. Never have

I felt so violated. Come,

Fuzz Buddy, let us journey back into

the misty recesses of your forgotten

past. Here we are in your past.

Of course, it's all coming back to me

now. Oh look, there I am.

Once I was a normal puppy.

You played weird, Peter.

The other dogs made fun of me because I

was so small. So, I

decided to prove my bravery by breaking

the great taboo of the

dogs. You don't mean-- What?

Yes, yes, I do. I, a

simple puppy, dared to approach a

running vacuum cleaner!

Wow, I've never seen a dog do that.

That is brave. You're darn tootin',

worm boy. My heart pounded with terror

with every step. I was

determined. If only I had known the

truth, that the great taboo exists for a

very good reason. You see,

vacuum cleaners are actually

canine-specific transdimensional portals.

Bewildered, I hurdled through the

transdimensional ether to face...

the ultimate terror of all dogs.

Hello, little puppy.

Welcome. Into your nightmare.

We rejoin our story on the planet Heck,

where Peter-- Hey, I'm narrating this

flashback here, buddy. Righto. Carry

on, twit. Evil the cat

closed in, a gleam of pure

malice in his eye. So,

little puppy, you broke the great

taboo of the dogs, eh

Excellent. Now I shall inflict

upon you the greatest of torments.

Go, thou evil spirits!

Possess this small dog. The

spirit changed me. I gained intelligence.

I gained opposable thumbs. I gained a

nifty shirt! I feel so

strange. I don't... Hey!

Hey, I'm talking.

Ohh I immediately passed out from the

shock.

Is boss seeking evil spirits on puppies

again?Yes. It has made him

intelligent. But at times of stress, he

will become a terrible

monster. Only Dickling will return him to

normal. The evil spirits cannot stand

such frivolous mirth.

Back to your home, foul fluffy,

to stop fell under this dreadful curse.

And so I was returned to Earth.

There I found myself mocked and

reviled by all who saw me. Leave

me alone. Hey, a

talking dog. I had sunk

to my lowest, so I did what anyone would

do. I went to Paris and became a

poet.

Friendless and bereft, I

stalk the blasted plane. My

dreams lie scattered. Who will cry for

the little lost dog?

Hey, a talking dog.

Sadly, my poetry was not well received.

I lost all hope and wandered the earth

miserable, broke, and alone.

Until I came to Turlock.

That's where I ran into you, Jim.

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

All right, Mike gets to fight me

a supervillain. Ohh

Note to self do not

throw super villains at buses full of

orphans.

I caught my first supervillain. I am a

true superhero at last.

It's the Huskow for you. Uh, whatever

a Huskow is. I am not a

supervillain. But lock me up

anyway, OK?I don't care. I'm

an outcast, no freak.

You're kidding. What a coincidence.

I'm an outcast and a freak.

Oh, oh, oh, the little

mutant dog thingy. How would you like to

be my sidekick?In

that moment, my whole life changed.

Of course, you know the rest. We can stop

the flashback now. Nuh-uh, uh-uh, no.

Here comes the best part. Keep up the

groovy narration. Astral Popcorn?

You were a brand new superhero, so we had

a lot to do. We bought the

secret headquarters with the grant you

got from the National Endowment for

Superheroes. When

was the last time you dusted this secret

entrance?Oh, and just look at that

wallpaper. Hideous.

We went to the hero hutch to stock up on

super gadgets.

Will you be wanting a fill-in-the-blank

mobile?A what?You know, the

human carrot has a carrot mobile. Looks

like a big carrot. Shrimp Man has a

shrimp mobile. Don't you want a, uh,

thingy-mobile?Ah, no thanks. I got a

rocket. Oh, nice one. Came with the suit.

We even tried out some superhero costumes

for me.

Ow. Forget it. Don't

just wear the shirt. No, please. Wear the

last one. Please, please, pleaseSoon,

only one thing was missing.

Are you broke?Out of work?Stuck

in a rut?Well, that explains why you're

watching mid-morning TV, you lazy,

worthless g*ons. You make me sick!

You know, I think to qualify as

superheroes, we actually have to fight a

supervillain at some point. By the great

worm spirit, whose eyeless visage gazes

o'er us all, we must take action!

Hello, Turlock Inquisitor. I'd like to

take out a classified ad. Single worm

superhero seeks supervillain for

climactic battle between good and evil.

No fatties.

Here's the ad. This should get us a

supervillain.

Single worm, superhero?

Uh, yes. Marvelous. I shall destroy you,

then your entire planet. It

pays to advertise, eh, fuzz buddy?I think

I wet myself.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind k*ller.

Fear is the little death that brings

total oblivion. I must not fear. Fear is

the mind k*ller. Fear is the little death

that brings total oblivion. Later, if we

work together, we'll be unbeatable.

If, on the other hand, you attack me...

This is going to be too easy. sh**t them.

sh**t them both.

Now Hinch won't remember why he not like

this g*n. HmmHard as a

rock.

The nefarious behind.

We are victorious! We are the

champions! We are...

Bacon.

Oh, that's a big g*n. Jim, only

one thing is powerful enough to save us

now. Origami!

Hmm

It's a good thing few people are aware of

the awesome destructive power of Origami.

Uh, Mina.

Sit back. At

last, fuzz buddy! We are true

superheroes! Can we

please stop the flashback now?I'm

getting a headache in both our heads. Oh,

all right, you big baby.

My head's all slimy now. We must get

evil to remove the spirit which is

possessing you. Come, Peter!

To the planet! Hank!

Soon, our heroes are face to face with

the ultimate personification of

evil. Ah, superb!

I was just looking for someone to

destroy. You, uh, you

think maybe we should have... Come up

with a plan or something?Exactly. Ooh,

I got one. Do your worst. Tear us

limb from limb. Shred us into coleslaw.

Throw us into an atomic furnace.

They're all good. But whatever you do,

don't remove the evil spirit from

Peter. That is precisely what

I shall do.

He fell for it, Peter! You're cured!

Your canine friend will be no help to you

now.

Looks like I pulled a stupid... You

thought you could trick me! I existed

before the dawn of time, and I will exist

past its end. Uh, wait. How

can you exist past the end of time?

Well, you see, time is circular.

Large masses such as our universe curve

time as well as space. Thus, time

bends back upon itself like... Well,

picture an orange. No,

an onion. Who's got an onion?I need an

onion! You see, if I slice this onion

crosswise...

Darn it. Our heroes

flee through the many torments evil

inflicts upon the souls of the dark.

The pit of sharp cornered coffee tables.

A BMV office. The

horror. And most terrible of all, a

TV network's conference room. It is

more than the mind can bear. I

shall go mad. Mad, I tell you. No,

Peter, not on the table. What

did that dog just leave on the table?I

don't know, but I think we've found our

new series. Unfortunately,

Peter's, uh, canine behavior soon gives

our hero's location away.

I... smell... puppy!

Now, I shall obliterate you,

and then I shall use your suit to destroy

the universe. HmmThis

calls for an extra-large acid

furball.

Peter, you've got to do something! I'm

doomed unless you help me! I'm doomed!

With his best friend in danger, a dim

light of recognition doms in Peter's

tiny brain.

What won't let you

hurt Jill?

Way to save the day, Buzz Bunny!

Well, Peter, now that you're back to

normal, if a talking dog can be

considered normal, nothing can defeat

us! Now!