02x06 - Hyper Psy-Crow

[bunniefuu]

What is the deal with old superheroes?Do

you ever wonder about that?I mean, do

they go to the old superhero's home?I

mean, what is the deal with that?How does

a superhero retire?What if the

hotline rings?Hello. Yes, the

world's about to be destroyed. Sorry, I

just turned 65. I mean, what is the deal

with that?And if you have X-ray vision,

what happens to your eyes if they start

to go bad?Can you only see through really

thin stuff?I mean, what is the deal with

that?

Hello?Is this on?I said, what is

the deal with that?You're supposed to

find that hilarious!

Laugh or perish, fiendish audience!

Earthworm Jim The soil he did crawl

Earthworm Jim A supersuit to fall Jim was

just a dirt Eating chewy lengths of worm

flesh But all that came to a crash again

Earthworm Jim He's such a groovy guy

Earthworm Jim He rockets through the

sky Cruising through the universe, having

lots of fun Here comes Earthworm Jim, you

know that he's aWhat do you want?

Despite his great big muscles And his

really big ray g*n Jim is still an

earthworm But then he's the only one With

a super suit to make him really super

strong Jim can be a winner if we only

sing about right Earthworm Jim We think

he's mighty fine Earthworm Jim A hero

for all time Earthworm, earthworm,

earthwormGo

groovy. Our

story begins on the dreaded planet

Insectica, as Psychro is brought before

the fiendish queen, pulsating, bloated,

festering, sweaty, pus-filled, malformed

slug for a butt

You're not still mad about me and the

professor deposing you and assuming the

drone, are you, Queenie?That's all in the

past, isn't it, Ethel?Let

bygones be bygones. That's what I always

say. Yes, I crow. I will

forgive you for your transgression on one

condition that you bring me

Earthworm Jim's super suit. Oh, sure, sure

And what if I, you know, fail or whatnot?

In that case, I'll hunt you

down and chop you into bits so small you

can shove them through a screen door.

Screen door. Got one. Is that

perfectly clear, Cycro?Oh, yes, yesOh,

queen, queen. Now, if you'll excuse me, I

gotta go change my shorts.

Meanwhile, at the Galactic Heroes League,

a banquet is being held in honor of the

very first superhero, the

Pews Dynamo. Everyone who's anyone in the

glamorous world of superheroing is there,

including. Centaur, Master of the Flying

Toupee, Whooping Cough Boy, Mr. Forehead

Vane, A Shadow, the Human Whoopee

Cushion, the Space Crickets, the Sword of

Righteousness, the Amazing Cosmic Weasel,

Johnny Dactyl Turns His Eyelids Inside

Out Boy, the Hamstonator, and of course,

Peter Puppy and Earthworm Jim.

Good going, Narrator guy. You're the man,

man. You're the man. A torch singer is

going to do a little song for the puce

Dynamo. This should be good. Who's the

torch singer?She's a new

superhero. She's got the power to

burst into flames when she sings.

She can blast evildoers with fireballs.

Not exactly. This song is

dedicated to the original superhero,

the man who started it all,

the Pews Dynamo.

All

right, someone give me a fire

extinguisher. Come on, come on, come on

Well, it's not much of a power. But she's

better than lower back pain, man. I'll be

okay in a minute.

I have to go give the puce Dynamo his

award. Be right back.

This dinner is great. We are here to

honor the first superhero. The first man

to say, Hey, why don't I put on something

silly and fight evil?That'd be nifty. The

man who inspired us all. The man

without whom we would have no purpose.

The man whose name burns eternally in our

hearts and minds?I'm speaking, of

course, of... Uh..

The Pus Dynamo! You see?Come on up and

accept your honorary Soupy Award for

lifetime achievement.

Gee!You got old. Brilliant

deduction. Give me that. 60

years of fighting evil and you Flatheads

give me a hunk of tin with gold paint on

it. I invented super. I invented

hero. I invented capes and masks and

powers and secret hideouts and saving the

day at the last second. And this is the

thanks I get. Look at you,

with your shiny eyeballs and ready-made

costumes. In my day, we had to

sew our own costumes. I invented

sewing! You guys are sore. You're

nothing but a bunch of young punks and

pis--

By the great worm spirit whose sacred

breath could sour milk. He is right.

Look at us. The Galactic Heroes League.

Ha. We don't deserve to call ourselves

heroes. It's time to quit playing poker

and having bake sales and fight some evil

for a change. What do you say, heroes?Are

you with me?Yes.

YesIs there actually any evil around here

right now?Sure, sureJust wait a minute.

Some evil's bound to turn up. And when it

does, we'll. Fight it.

While Jim and the rest wait for some evil

to fight, Psychro tries desperately to

think of a way to get the awesome power

he needs to defeat Jim and save his own

pitiful feathered hide. Got to come up

with an idea.

Coffee boy. Another espresso. No,

make that a double. No, no, no, noA

triple. No, no, no, no, noAnd a couple

espresso. But. It ain't

never been tried. It's certain

doom, probably. I'll take my

chances. Just do it.

The awesome power of the espresso works

on Psycho in a mysterious way. Soon

he is thrust to a new level of Wired,

becoming Hyper Psycho

with phenomenal speed,

fantastic vibratory powers

and extreme jumpiness.

What?WhatWhatWhatGet

me with these incredible powers, Psycho

declares. Nah, I'd.

My faces doom, doom, doom, doom.

Do

I seem OK to you?Not even

remotely.

Yeah. Well, yeah.

Before we continue today's mind-numbing

adventure, I should point out that if you

drank a whole bunch of coffee like

Psychro did, you wouldn't get

superpowers. The actual result would be

more like this.

Oh, my head. Feel dizzy.

Gonna barf. Death would be a

blessing.

I think I made my point. Cue the

narrator. When we

left, Jim, Peter and the entire Galactic

Heroes League were waiting for some evil

to fight. Like I said,

some evil will be along

any minute now.

OK, hero guys, I hyper Sacro

shall destroy, destroy, destroy, destroy,

destroy you all.

Oasis, people, let's make some magic.

Come and get me. I'll take you all on. I

shall

destroy this land with my

awesome flying toupee.

No, I shall obliterate him with my mighty

coffers.

yeah No! I shall stuff him

into my indomitable stretchy cheeks!

I'll be okay in

a minute.

I'll be okay in a minute! That could have

gone better. Punks,

powers you drink must have more

coffee.

Quick, while he's refueling,

now's our chance to retreat. You're

telling me this?I invented retreating,

you young punk. And so our

heroes rock it off to the perfect hiding

place. The old

superhero's home. Sorry, the elderly.

No, the senior. All right, find the

chronologically. Gifted superheroes home.

Can we please move on before they come up

with a new euphemism?Can't say anything

fun these days, can you?A

framed letter from President Truman.

Thank you for your kind offer to end

World w*r II, but we have a b*mb we want

to try out. Truman, what a

yut. I know how we can defeat Psychro.

We'll overload him with coffee and he'll

go up in a fantastic expl*si*n of nervous

energy. You kids

today, always with the coffee. I invented

explosions. I invented nervous. I

invented energy. You couldn't come up

with a decent plan in a month of Sundays,

you noseless, knee biting,

weird smelling young punk.

Say, Mr. Dynamo, maybe you can come up

with a plan. Stymied, are you?

Well, I suppose I could come out of

retirement to help you poor dumb schmos.

OK, here's the plan. We'll overload them

with coffee and he'll go up in a

fantastic expl*si*n of nervous energy.

Let's go. Um,

isn't that what I just said?Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeahBut I said it with style.

Yep. Punk.

Later, at the Museum of Oversized

Versions of Household Objects, Cuffy's

ready! No, we just need

Psychro. I called his secretary. She said

he can squeeze us in.

Right about now. Go get in the costume,

fuzz buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeahI punch him.

This time, time, time, time, you shall

not escape, escape! Aren't you going to

remove your helmet in the presence of a

lady?A lady?

Okay, okay, a dog in a dress. Just take

off your helmet, pinhead!

Eat dart, hyperkinetic scoundrel!

Eat dart?What kind of catchphrase is

that, you stupid young punk?

Well, I'm a worm, you see, and-- Hey,

hey, hey, don't bust my chops. I invented

catchphrases. I invented worms.

Look, the caffeine is starting to kickin.

And three, two,

one.

Wow, you see. That worked

great. Of course it did. I invented

victory. I invented triumph. I invented

invention!

Uh, guys?

Unfortunately for our heroes, the coffee

transforms Psyro into a being of pure

nervous energy. Hyper! Hyper!

Psyro! Such power, power,

power! More than enough to destroy you

punty superheroes!Ah, you

invented cliffhangers. Give it a rest.

I must not fear fears the mind k*ller

fears the little death that brings total

oblivion. What's that muttering about?Oh,

he's just gonna turn into a monster in

Maulus.

Kind of a drawback and a sidekick, you

know. You get used to it.

Luckily, Peter's savage attack exposes

the one thing which could distract

Psycho, the world's largest

ball of tin foil.

Hey, where's the puce Dynamo?

Sorry about that. Eating your elves.

There's no respect here.

OK, while Psychro is distracted by the

shiny object, we'll have a moment to come

up with a plan. You young punk, I'll

handle this. We'll fight fire with fire.

After your last plan, I think I'm

justified in saying stuff it.

I, a good sidekick, will now refrain from

pointing out that Jim came up with the

exact same plan. Anyway, you

fight fire with water, you

goon! Peter, do you happen to have an

aromatherapy kit on you?By a

mind-boggling coincidence, yes.

Mangoes and oatmeal. The perfect

combination of relaxing scents. How

can you use aromatherapy if you

haven't got a nose?Don't

question me. Jim

somehow uses aromatherapy to become a

being of pure relaxation energy.

Super mellow, Jim.

Hey, man.

Groovy.

Kids today, with their long hair and

hippie clothes...

Oh, shiny. So

shiny. Sigh...

Crow...

You're gonna ch-ch-ch-- Try to take me

on-- Take me on?

Hurry up, man! Come on! Hurry, hurry,

hurry, hurry! I ain't making updates! But

when the forces of nervous energy and

relaxation energy come together, the

result is... the destruction of the

entire universe!

Good going, Ace! Let's just

acknowledge that I made a mistake and

move on. Move on?!How

can we move on?The entire universe is

destroyed! Oh, come on. There must be

something left.

Oh, yeah. I bet someone thought that was

real funny.

Fear not, Jim, for it is I.

It's the Great Worm Spirit!

Hey, he looks different. Well, have you

seen the great worm spirit before?He

saved my life in the Nam, man. It

was the Mekong Delta sea. Charlie was

moving in hard and fast. Grunts were

getting shot to faces all around me. It

was a nightmare, man. A screaming

nightmare. Then the great worm spirit

pulled me into a foxhole. I'll never

forget it, man. Not till my dying day,

man. You're right.

He does look different. I have many

forms. Would you prefer a humorous

TV weatherman, a plate of cold beans,

or perhaps my true form?Oh, oh,

oh, cold beans. Cold beans. No, TV

weatherman. TV weatherman! My form

matters not. Um, what

is your form anyway?Am I supposed to

recognize you?I am

your creator. Just look.

See.

But all this is trivial. What is

important is that we recreate the

universe. Is that possible?The

pattern of the universe still exists

within your minds. If we all work

together, we may be able to remake it

just as it was.

Now concentrate. Concentrate.

Concentrate. He's making faces at me.

I'm not. Knock it off, you snot

weasels.

Concentrate. Concentrate. And

so the Big Bang happens anew.

The universe is recreated. Billions of

years pass in seconds. Fear

is born again. It is

done. The universe is just as it

was before all this happened.

Except that for some reason, the main

character in Death of a Salesman is now

called Urkel. This I do not understand.

Now I shall return you to where you were

before this chain of events began. Only

you, too, will remember what has

transpired. Thanks for

everything, great worm spirit. You're

welcome, Jim. By the way, I

caught your stand-up act. Don't quit your

day job, all right?

You guys are sore. You're nothing but a

bunch of young punks in tights. Oh,

shut up, you old gum. Who's up for

poker?

Is that perfectly clear, Cycro?

Uh, is so what perfectly clear?

That if you don't bring me Jim's suit, I

will chop you into bits.

Uh, I don't suppose you change your mind

if I explain that this will ultimately

lead to the end of the universe.

I thought not.

Ohh Well, here we go again.

Hold it. You are not

doing a here we go again ending on

my show. Well, what kind

of ending do you want, Mr. Too Good For

Standard Cheesy Cartoon Endings?What do

you think?The cow thing?And...

cue the cow!

Gah! Ruby!