01x11 - Casino Battle

[bunniefuu]

[Shin] Should we divvy up what we have,
see how much we can make with it?

I mean, gambling's nothing but luck
anyway, right?

I don't think so.
Wutang's the consigliere of the family.

The brains of the operation.
He's too smart.

I can't imagine he would have
challenged us to a contest of pure luck.

[Wutang] Right you are.

Gambling merely appears
to be a game of luck.

In reality,
it's calculated psychological warfare.

All in.

[all gasp]

Unlike you barbaric assassins,

a mafia member can't survive
by entrusting their life to luck.

Our world's not that simple.

[man gasps] That guy
just won another huge bet!

How does this as*h*le keep doing that?

[grunts in frustration] We're so screwed!

What were we thinking
when we agreed to this?

- [Sakamoto] It's the same for assassins.
- Huh?

Those who leave their fate
to luck always die first.

[scoffs] Fine, give it your best shot,
you meatheads.

I'm winning the mistress back
no matter what.

I'll risk everything I have to do so.

WIN MORE MONEY AT THE CASINO!

[opening theme song playing]

CASINO BATTLE

This might be easier
if I knew any of the rules.

Oh, well, worrying won't get me anywhere.

Let's give poker a shot.

I'll figure it out as I go.

[dealer] Have a seat.

[gambler 1] Never seen this punk before.
He new?

[gambler 2 chuckles] We got a sucker!

He looks like a clerk
at a shitty convenience store.

[woman] I'm gonna fleece this loser.

[Shin] I can hear
every word you're thinking!

[dealer] Ante up.

[cards sliding]

[Shin] I guess I should look at my cards?

I call.

I'll raise you 200.

[gambler 1] Raise 400.

[Shin] What the hell
does any of that mean?

- [Lu] Ah! There you are, Shin.
- [exclaims softly]

I take it this means
you know all the rules now?

- Huh?
- Wait, did you just say "huh"?

You don't know what you're doing, do you?

Get off my a*s!

I can't look anything up here
'cause they took away my phone!

Quit calling me out in front of everyone!

We'll be better off if let me take over.

- No, get away! Leave me alone!
- Give me your cards!

- [gambler 2] I knew he was an amateur.
- [argument continues]

[Shin and Lu gasp]

[gambler 1] Hm? [gasps]

- [Shin exclaims]
- [Lu] Hurry up!

[gambler 1] Unbelievable! An Ace and King!

[gambler 2] This idiot's looking
at a straight on his first hand!

[gambler 1] No problem.
A little bluffing will scare him away.

Tough luck, kid.

You can't beat me
with a couple of crappy cards like those.

But if you wanna call, we won't stop you.

[scoffs] You're not gonna bluff
your way into beating me.

I'm all in.

[both gasp]

[funky music playing]

Tell you what, Dealer…

SHIN +12M
TOTAL: 22M

…why don't you hand out
the cards face up this round.

Seems to me like it'll save us some time.

[gambler 1] Who the hell is this kid?

[gambler 3] Uh, split!

[gambler 4] I'm going corner again.

[gambler 3] Wide load.

He's going all in on red?

What's this porker thinking?

[Sakamoto]
Maybe I'll keep one, just in case.

Hmph. What a fatty.

Must be the guy
Wutang was telling me about.

Sorry, buddy.

But this roulette wheel's embedded
with magnets, so I control where it lands.

- All right, what's it gonna be?
- Come to papa!

It's over.

[gasps]

What? But how?

Who knew this fatso
was such a high roller?

[Sakamoto] Precision and control.

SAKAMOTO TOTAL: 29M

Master Wutang, their winnings
are growing more and more quickly.

I'm worried they may be conning us.

It doesn't matter.

I anticipated there'd be some trickery.

But, sir…

[Wutang] Plus one. Zero.
Plus one. Plus one. Plus one.

Minus one. Zero. Minus one.
Plus one. Plus one.

Running count of plus four.

- [female dealer] What'll it be?
- Hit me.

[man] That's twenty-one!

There's no stopping this guy
with the braid!

[subordinate] Incredible.
Master Wutang's famous card counting.

It takes a special mind to keep track
of every card that's been dealt.

Not to mention, using that to calculate

the probability of what card's
going to come up next.

[Wutang] I'm going to win.
No matter what it takes.

[gangster 1] You think you're better
than us 'cause you're so smart, don't you?

[gangster 2] Strength is the only thing
that matters in the mafia world, you nerd!

[gangster 3] You're useless! We don't need
wimps like you in the Lu family!

- [Lu grunts]
- [groans]

- Run! It's the boss's daughter!
- That hurt. Let's get outta here!

- [Lu] Are you okay?
- [exclaims]

LU SHAOTANG
CLAN LEADER'S DAUGHTER, 8 YEARS OLD

LU WUTANG
MAFIA APPRENTICE, 11 YEARS OLD

No way! I had no idea
you were part of the family, too!

I have so many relatives,
it's hard to keep track.

Why were you letting those guys
beat you up like that?

[scoffs] You don't have
to throw punches to fight back.

If I let it happen,
and get beaten to a pulp,

I can do much more damage to them

by getting the organization
to punish them for it later.

[sighs] A pathetic excuse.

I don't think I get it.

You're super smart, huh?

[gasps]

And you know what Papa says

"Everybody has at least
one special secret weapon of their own."

And yours is even more special
if it's not the same as anyone else's.

Your special secret weapon
is your brain, Wutang!

[Wutang] That was the first time
I ever felt seen.

I realized I could be myself.

And decided I'd climb to the top
by my own means,

so that one day,
I could stand next to her.

Many years later, I was known
as the brains of the whole organization.

I owe more to the Lu family
than I could ever repay.

Anything that threatens the well-being
of the mistress, I will eliminate.

My winnings this evening: 87,630 chips.

WUTANG CHIP TOTAL: 87,630

[Shin] Aw, we got the same.

SAKAMOTO'S CHIP TOTAL: 87,630

[Lu] I'm just glad we didn't lose!

[scoffs] You did surprisingly well here,
for barbarians.

Is it time to go home yet?

Not yet! This battle hasn't been decided.

Come on, Master Wutang, why don't we
just k*ll them and put an end to this?

There's no need for that. Stand aside.

But, sir…

Is there something wrong with your ears?
I said, stand aside.

We'll settle this with a round of poker.

Doesn't work for me.
I don't know the rules.

Yeah, I played a bunch,
and I never managed to figure it out.

What? All right, fine.

Name an alternative
you do know how to play.

Oh! I know the perfect game!

Three against one
wouldn't be an even match-up.

These two will be joining me.

The rules are quite simple:

the team of whoever holds the Old Maid
at the end of the game loses.

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Simple games like Old Maid
are way better than whatever poker is.

Yes! This is so exciting!

The family likes to play this one a lot.

[Wutang]
Their lack of nerves is irritating!

[Shin] Dumbass.
Old Maid's an easy win for me.

I can just read their minds.

And it's a great chance
to impress Mr. Sakamoto!

Now, let's begin.

[Shin] Let's see.
Who started with the Old Maid?

Should be whoever's freaking out the most.

Uh-oh.

[whimpering]

[Shin] Why does it have to be her?

[Lu crying]

[Shin] She's so obvious!

[scoffs] I see your sincerity
remains untainted, mistress.

I'm sorry, but I can't go easy on you.

[gasps]

[cries]

[gasps]

[cries]

This one!

[exclaims gleefully]

I've relieved you
of the Old Maid! Mistress!

You can rest easy.

[Shin] That's not the point of the game!

All right, brute.
Your turn to pick a card.

Huh… let me think about this.

Just kidding.
With my powers, this'll be a piece of c...

[Wutang] That's right.

- You can read minds, can't you?
- [exclaims]

There are three levels
of human consciousness.

The first is verbalized thought.

The second, the semi-conscious.

And the third,
subconscious reflexes and habits.

I wonder how deeply you can delve.

[exclaims]

Go on, pick a card.

If my intuition is correct,
you'll lose right now.

[Shin] What's he talking about?

Condescending jerk!

He's just bluffing.

[digital noises]

[narrator] Unafraid, Shin tried his best
to read Wutang's thoughts.

However…

- Pi!
- [screams]

[narrator] …it was a perilous endeavor.

Like staring at the sun
through a magnifying glass.

The sheer quantity of information
short-circuited Shin's brain.

[grunts]

As I suspected, you can only read
verbalized thoughts.

[Lu] Shin!

SHIN - OUT OF THE GAME

[Lu] Oh, no. Without Shin,
we're in really bad shape.

[groans] Come on.
Hurry up and draw, Porky.

[Sakamoto] "Hurry," huh?

Good grief.

[in slow motion] You're taking forever.

[Lu] Whoa!
Did he just draw a card and put it back?

- [Wutang] Wait!
- [gasps]

I don't know what that was.

But if I catch you cheating
in the future, you'll be eliminated.

It all comes down
to the two of us, assassin.

[scoffs]

You have a pretty good poker face.

But not good enough.

Your gaze lingers
ever so slightly on this one.

The more someone wants to hide something,
the more they focus on it.

[Sakamoto] Then draw.

[scoffs] This is it.

It's over now!

[straining]

Damn it!

Come on!
You're gripping the cards too tight!

[Sakamoto] Sorry. I guess I am, aren't I?

[grunts]

[exclaims] He must've switched them!

I believe it's my turn to draw.

- [g*ns c*ck]
- Hm?

What are you fools doing?
Put your g*ns away.

[grunts]

I said drop it.

We came all the way to Japan with you,

and we played along
with all your stupid games.

But none of us can take it anymore!

We are mafia. When we want something,
we take it by force!

Your complicated schemes
aren't worth the effort!

- We're sick of this.
- Right!

- Your time is up, you nerd!
- [Sakamoto] What now?

They all hate him.
I almost feel sorry for the poor guy.

[Wutang] What is this?
It's just like when I was a kid.

Will this world never accept me?

Were all my efforts in vain?

Mutiny, is it?

What a typical way for a mafioso to die.

This is the end.

[Sakamoto] You're giving up?
Just like that?

[exclaims softly]

This is your chance to impress the girl.
Aren't you gonna take it?

[Wutang exclaims]

[Lu] You're super smart, huh?

Your special secret weapon
is your brain, Wutang!

[Wutang] Right. Of course!

I do things my way.

This is none of your concern,
Taro Sakamoto.

It's taken care of.

If they sh**t,
they'll blow their own arms off.

- [subordinate] Huh?
- [Wutang] Come now.

You didn't think I wasn't prepared
for your insurrection, did you?

I rigged all your weapons to explode
the moment you pull the trigger.

Huh?

[Wutang] Now they're disarmed.
The rest is up to you.

[men grunting]

[upbeat music playing]

[yells]

[men grunting]

[all exclaiming]

♪ Saka… Sakamoto ♪

♪ Sakamoto-oh! ♪

- [whimpers]
- [g*nshots]

Imbecile.

Bluffing is a gambler's first skill.

[Sakamoto] He lied about the g*ns.

Sakamoto… I admit you've won this contest.

I see now that I'm not qualified
to protect the mistress.

I put her in danger myself.

Therefore…

[Sakamoto] It's not my place
to say who's qualified or not.

But I do understand the desire
to protect someone you care about.

[gasps softly]

[sighs]

I see.

SAKAMOTO'S

[Wutang] All right, Sakamoto.

As promised, the party responsible
for the large bounty on your head is…

THE IKORAI TIMES

[Wutang] Are you people even listening?

[Shin] Yeah, go on, go on!

[Lu] You can talk while you help us
catch up on work, Wutang.

It's your fault we're behind,
since you dragged us to that casino.

But I gotta be honest,
that apron does look pretty good on you.

I can't believe
you're making a mafia consigliere

work at a convenience store.

I hope you're aware
you'll be paying for my time.

Anyway…

as I was saying…

Have you heard of a person
called Slur, Sakamoto?

[Sakamoto] Hm?

The assassin k*ller?

[Wutang] Good. That'll make this easier.

All right, young man.
Ring me up for these, would you?

[beeps]

[Wutang] That man is
undoubtedly responsible for your bounty.

Yeah, we kinda thought you were gonna
tell us something we don't know.

Like, do you know who Slur is
or where he's located?

Unfortunately, no.

No one appears to have any information
on Slur's personal details.

If they did, I'd know about it.

Well, you're absolutely useless, huh?

This is all we get
from that stupid triad battle?

What a waste of time.

I'm not finished talking, you numbskulls!

He's shrouded in mystery, but I believe
I've finally uncovered a lead.

[Lu and Shin gasping]

You've got our attention.

[Wutang] A few days ago,

there was a m*ssacre
at a maximum security prison

in Southeast Asia.

[cryptic music playing]

There were four victims.

All death row inmates.

Their bodies and faces were burned,
and an X was painted on the wall in blood.

I take it that means Slur
was the one who k*lled them all, right?

Wait, I don't get it,
why would he do that?

I have an informant who happens to make
their living by trafficking corpses.

And in the past few days,

some unusual bodies
have turned up in Japan.

One perforated with numerous holes.

One missing all of its flesh.

One completely dismembered.

And one crushed into a miniscule ball.

[Lu groans]

And? What do these corpses
have to do with Slur?

They were each the modus operandi

of the four death row inmates
he supposedly k*lled.

[both gasp]

[Wutang] My theory is that these inmates

faked their own deaths,
escaped, and then fled to Japan.

[man 1] Whoa! Check those guys out!

[woman] So big! Are they foreigners?

[man 2] Athletes, maybe?
Like, martial arts or something?

Ah!

They won't stop staring at us.

Maybe they all want to die.

DUMP - 180 VICTIMS

ATONO MATSURI

[chuckles] You can't beat
a funny Japanese comic book.

SAW - 64 VICTIMS

[man] Hey. This burger has pickles.
I asked for no pickles.

I wish we didn't have to come to Japan.
I'd much rather be dead.

APART - 206 VICTIMS

[large man] Why are
Japanese burgers so tiny?

MINIMALIST - 370 VICTIMS

So what is it we're supposed
to be doing here, anyway?

Patience, we gotta wait and find out.
Kick your feet up and read some manga.

Huh? Hey, what are you doing?
Why are you taking it apart?

[Apart] Because, I asked nicely
for them to hold the pickles.

But there's pickles.

If they put pickles in anyway,

who knows what else
they might've put in this burger!

[Dump scoffs] You're an annoying b*stard.

[gasps]

If you crush it up then it's all the same.

But that was my Big Wac…

I wanna die.

[man] Terribly sorry
to keep you all waiting.

Nice of you to join us.

Are you the weirdo
who broke us out of prison?

Thank you all
for making such an arduous journey.

Now let's get down to business, shall we?

NAGUMO
SAKAMOTO

I have a list of targets here
I'd like you to eliminate for me.

Who are these people?

[Kashima] All of them
are considered to be great menaces

to the organization I represent.

Doesn't matter to me who they are,

as long as I get to do
what I want to do to them.

These people look awfully powerful to me.

[sighs] They're going to k*ll me.

They'll cut me to pieces.

[scoffs] It's a list of a buncha uglies.

[laughs] I heard Japanese people
were serious about everything,

but you've got a sense of humor, huh?

You mean to tell me this piggy's
a "menace to your organization"?

[Kashima] I strongly recommend
extreme vigilance

when dealing
with any of the names on that list.

Else your lives may be cut short.

[menacing music playing]

[Minimalist] Wait.
You honestly mean that, don't you?

You really think this fatty
and his friends can beat us?

We'll have them all in the ground
by the end of the month.

You better have
your next list ready for us by then.

Otherwise, we'll just k*ll whoever we see.

[Kashima] These people
aren't assassins who k*ll to live.

They live to k*ll.

Pure, unadulterated evil.

But it's all according
to the master's will.

I had my chance, and I lost.

Now my place is only to trust and observe.

SAKAMOTO'S

[Wutang] There's no telling
what danger lies in wait.

PAYCHECK

I had hoped to save the mistress
by taking her home. But now you know.

- The three of you must flee...
- [Sakamoto] That means…

if we can make contact with those four,

they might be able to give us
some information about Slur.

- Good thinking.
- [Wutang] Huh?

We'll have to catch them quick,
before the Association gets to them.

I'm gonna give Heisuke
a heads up, too, just in case.

What? Haven't you idiots
been listening to a word I've said?

These are deranged serial K*llers!

A completely different species
from the mafia or you barbaric hit men!

Don't you understand
what kind of danger you're in?

[Sakamoto] Of course.

[upbeat music playing]

All the more reason
we can't let them roam free.

[upbeat music stops]

[closing theme song playing]