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Legacy of Cloudy Falls, The (2024)

Comedy Movie Collection.
(Buddy/Dark/Black/Parody/Screwball/Slapstick/Sketch/Satire/Spoof/Mock/Comedians/etc.)
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Comedy Movie Collection.

Legacy of Cloudy Falls, The (2024)

Post by bunniefuu »

[casual retro music]

[Rita] Dwellings have

distinctive edges,

just like people,

and I know this place

like a husband

knows his wife,

which is to say,

not as well as you'd think,

which is to say,

it still manages

to keep its share

of secrets from me.

There's a timing

to things, I've noticed.

Divine providence?

Hmm.

Lived here 18 years now,

spend most of my time

in the courtyard lately.

Sounds boring, I know,

but there's enough to see

if you know what to look for.



I'll pick a couple of them

to expose your way

since that's what you're after,

at random,

keep it pure, like in science.

I'm a fan of science.

Fair warning, the proceedings

tend to get repetitive,

what with people

being reluctant

to learn from past mistakes.

Gets... repetitive.

[pen buzzing]

Ah, f*ck!

[man screaming]

[screaming continues]

[traffic sounds]

[sighing]

[distant clattering]

What?

I heard screaming,

is everything okay?

Everything's fine.

[motor revving]

[sighing]

[knocking at door]

Came to say thanks for being

my knight in shining armor

and whatnot.

Well, you said you were fine.

Yeah, but you didn't know that.

Here.

Got this.

I didn't realize

they rented out your unit.

Nah, I'm just passing through.

My aunt owns the building,

she lets me

crash here sometimes.

They never rent that one out

ever since the stabbing.

Pretty f*cked, right?

She says she's superstitious.

Personally, I think

she's just too cheap

to shampoo the carpets.

Edwin.

Uh, Terry.

Still up, huh? Light sleeper?

Yeah, same,

most smart people are.

Yeah, got a lot buzzing around.

Anyway, just wanted to say,

thanks for being a decent cat,

not that I know you, but, uh...

I get a feeling sometimes.

So... tell me about you,

what's your deal?

My deal?

Yeah, tell me something.

Oh, uh, I-- I don't know.

You don't know?

I'm not sure, I'm sorry.

I took a couple of

sleeping pills

before you got here, and

I'm afraid I'm a little groggy.

Okay, yeah, yeah, I guess I'll

just get out of your hair then.

I'm sorry.

Nobody in this tiny sh*thole

talks to anybody.

I'm sorry, that's not--

that's not--

No, I get it. You're groggy.

[sighing]

[solemn music]

[gentle retro music]

[Rita] Some people pay more

for their units than others.

It's how buildings work.

I could tell within

a minute of meeting him,

he'd be willing to pay more

without complaining.

And I was right.

Point being, he's not a man

I'd choose to socialize with.

But he's necessary

to the ecosystem.

[Edwin grunting]

[grunting continues]



[Loyd] Just a minute!

Oh, will you be needing

a shampoo?

Actually, uh,

that's not why I'm here.

Um, I came for--

Body hair removal?

Come on, show me how

much you're working with.

Um, not that either.

Uh, house sitting?

Uh, maybe I've misunderstood.

Oh, the other thing.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Good, it's been a while.

Is it infidelity?

I really just came to

inquire about prices, all that.

Um, [clearing throat] maybe...

set up a time to chat?

Well, it's best to

grab me while you got me.

It's a sliding scale,

we could work something out.

Come on, sit down.

Do you do a lot of

private investigating?

Sure.

Do you use the no-name stuff,

if you don't mind me asking?

-I'm sorry?

-[chuckling]

That's not the most convincing

stuff on the market.

No offense, it's just that

when it comes to hair color,

it's best to splurge

or go au naturel.

Come on, come on, sit down.

I'll give you the once-over

on the house.

[sighing]

Come on, sit down.

That'll give us a chance to

really delve into

whatever it is that is

turning you gray so young

in the first place.

You need me to locate him,

in the picture over there?

I need you to locate his son.

[mysterious retro music]

I see her making

a full recovery.

Give her love.

Bask her in positive energy.

And, um...

Light a white candle.

Okay.

But, um...

The thing is...

I don't have a dog with cancer.

And I've actually been

recording this whole thing.

So, no dog?

No dog.

Well, it seems

that time's escaped us.

The parlor's closed.

Anything you want

to say to my followers?

I don't like being lied to

in a place of spiritual worship.

That makes two of us.

I don't like your demeanor.

Okay.

I don't like your tonality.

My what?

Your verbal tonality.

You be careful, they don't like

being questioned.

Powers that be don't like

what you're doing.

[bells on door ringing]

Yet.

[sign buzzing]



[Rita] Niagara Falls.

A higher ratio of human being

to wax figures

you'd be hard-pressed to find

anywhere on Earth, I bet.

And the all-you-can-eat

buffets?

Hope you like crab meat.

Not the wedding capital of

the world, that's Vegas.

And not technically one of

the Seven Wonders, but almost.

This place is

almost a lot of things.

Like Brigit Gallow.

Her life is almost interesting.

[harrumphing]

Wait 'til you get

a load of this one.

Mediocre cold reader

with a temper.

I don't like being lied to

in a place of spiritual

worship.

That makes two of us.

I don't like your demeanor.

Okay.

Your tonality.

My what?

Your verbal tonality.

Archangel Sandalphon comes in.

Now he is the only archangel,

along with his twin,

Metatron,

who was once a mortal human.

And this

brings us back to the--

And the sex trafficking ring

is being run

out of the back of, get this,

a chain of taco trucks

in Des Moines.

And if the taco truck owners

have nothing to hide,

then why'd they make their

Instagram accounts private?

All of them, all of a sudden.

sh*t.

Don't look.

I think that lady sits

on my wife's board.

Don't look.

Brigit.



[knocking]

...to the gap

between where we are

and where we want to be.

We will bridge it.

Can you see yourself

bridge it?

I can see you bridge it.

I can see you, Brigit.

[eerie music]

And they may say,

send them to the gallows.

I can see you, Brigit.

Gallows.

But you and I are made

of better stuff than that.

The quality of mercy

is not strained.

And you and I must practice

the discipline it brings us.





Um, we're here about unit 12?

We emailed earlier.

Is this a good time?

Sure. Now's good.

Come with me.

[door creaking closed]

Um, what about bugs?

Do you get bed bugs?

Honestly, all the time.

What?

They're not as bad as people

say, and we have the powder.

Oh, that's no good.

No, it's not, but that's life.

All buildings have them.

At least you'll have

an honest super.

Not all buildings have those.

This is unacceptable.

The good people who live here

might disagree with you.

We're leaving.

Um, is it a big ordeal,

getting rid of the bugs, I mean?

-Maureen.

-Oh, relax.

Um...

[camera clicking]



[Rita]

I have a soft spot

for that one.

But then, my favorite nephew

is a compulsive liar, too.

[sighing]

Here, I'll get you a refill.

[breathing deeply]

[knocking]

[heavy knocking]

Uh, hello?

I hate to bother you,

and I don't have an appointment.

Is that okay?

It's not.

This isn't a nail salon.

No, I'm very well aware

of what this is.

Of who you are, Miss Marlow.

I've waited

a long time to meet you.

Can't tell you how many times

I've passed by your office,

on my way to work,

or, uh, what force, exactly,

compelled me to finally

walk up those stairs

and introduce myself today,

but I do hope you'll indulge me.

My name is Calvin Carmichael,

and I have an interest

in the dramatic arts.

You want to act?

That's right.

Look, now's not the time.

Okay, then.

Wait.

You have any experience?

-Not professional.

-Shh!

Only in private.

In private?

I just mean at home. Alone.

Sometimes I'll

talk along with the TV.

I tape my shows,

and I learn all the words,

and I recite

the dialogue over top.

That's it?

One time,

I posed nude for an art class.

Not sure if that counts.

It doesn't.

Look, this isn't the time.

I understand.

I just came

to speak it out loud.

Wait.

My private line.

Well, uh, thank you, I...

-I, I just--

-Now go.

[crickets chirping]

I like the way you talk.

Don't do that.

Do what?

Fetishize my accent like that.

Why not?

I just mean if

I were born someplace else,

I wouldn't talk like this,

but I'd still be me.

Yeah, but you weren't

born someplace else.

But I could have been.

That doesn't even make sense.

Never mind.

[motor revving]

I like that sound.

It's relaxing.

You realize

they're all horny, right?

That's not true.

Sure it is.

You're saying

all these crickets

are trying to get laid

at the same time?

Why else do you think they're

making that noise, conversation?

Where do you get this stuff?

Here.

-Why do crickets make noise?

-Who cares?

-Give me that.

-No way.

-Give me that.

-Hey, give me that.

Go on, get it. Get it.

[soft music]

[splashing sound]

[faint chatter]

[laughter] Come on, come on.

-Coming! One shake.

-You're already wet.

-I'm not-- well, like half.

-Come on, get in!

-No, stop!

-Get in here!

Come on!

-Yes! Yeah.

-[gasping]

[water sloshing]

[door closing]



[Rita] Terry works for

the second-least profitable

souvenir store in

all of Niagara Falls.

But then,

souvenir stores in general

are going out of style.

People don't like

to reminisce anymore, I guess.

Makes you wonder

what'll come of

all those snow globes

and fridge magnets.

Melted down, I suppose?

Turned into souvenirs

for someplace else.

Edwin, I know you're in there.

Don't think I don't know

that you're in there.

Edwin, I know you're in there.

[door opening]

Edwin, I know you're in there.

Don't think I don't know

you're in there.

[Edwin] Don't answer.

-[knocking]

-Don't answer.

Edwin, I know you're in there.

What are you--

What are you doing?

Is he in there?

Who?

It's just me.

If you happen to see my nephew,

can you tell him

to call me on my cell?

Wow, it's the second time

you saved my a*s.

If I didn't owe you before--

What's going on?

Yeah, I guess my aunt's feeling

a little less hospitable

this time around.

I mean it, okay?

[sighing]

[nervous chuckle]

[coin clinking]

[machine whirring]

Renata Wallace from

the corner unit steals cats.

I'm serious.

If you ever get a cat,

do not let it

near Renata Wallace.

I'm allergic.

Okay. I got one.

You know Shiny Shoes

across the way there?

His name's Lenny, Lenny Lepper.

You ever notice he always has

a pair of shoes

drying on his windowsill?

You will now.

See, he's always polishing them,

so the way I see it,

it's like a compulsion,

you know?



[Edwin]

It started a long time ago.

Without getting into all

the gory details,

let's just say

one time in college,

he helped a friend get out

of a messy situation,

and he ended up with so much

blood on his shoes,

that the only thing that

calms his nerves

is polishing them,

over and over again.

Like one of those

Zen gardens, you know?

Okay, your turn.

Oh, okay, okay,

get a load of this one.

Your turn.

Oh, uh, I-- I don't know.

Sure you do.

First you gotta give her a name.

Um... Veronica.

Okay, Veronica what?

Uh, Veronica... Braille.

Okay. What's her secret?

[Terry] She has a friend

that no one can know about.

A... sugar glider,

[squeaking]

named Ginger.

ill*gal here, so she smuggled

her across the border,

strapped to

the inside of her bra,

-for the company.

-Mmm.

Almost gave it away with its,

uh, incessant squeaking.

Okay, you're

seriously good at this.

-Well.

-No, really.

Hmm.

Okay, you see the lady

in the chair, the super?

When she thinks no one's

looking, she bites off a nail,

sticks it between her teeth,

and sniffs it

because she likes the smell.

And that one happens

to be true, I've seen it.

See, I think

she spends her days...

doing what we're doing

right now.

Just looking at all of us,

and guessing our secrets.

Hmm.

Good one.

[eerie music]

[exhaling]

Good, keep those arms straight.

Yep, looking good, guys.

[man outside] Shut up!

[door opening]

Where is everyone?

Oh, it's just us.

It's hard to last in this world.

Uh, debunking.

It's hard to find people

who care enough.

Yeah, but you care, right?

I mean, we care.

This is the exact same recording

device that James Randi

used to intercept

Peter Popoff's earpiece in 1986.

I found it online,

wasn't too expensive,

and I was thinking

that maybe we could use it

to take down Walter Pryce

once and for all...

Maybe I'm getting cynical.

But lately,

I find myself wondering

if changing people's minds

is even really possible.

Well, we can try.

Come on.

I-- I don't think

I'm your guy for this, Bridge.

Oh, come on man.

I'm sorry.

This was a nice idea.

I-- I wish you luck.

[sighing]

[melancholic music]

[faint chatter]

[dealer] Sir?

So the real question is,

whose algorithm

is making these videos

go viral in the first place?

I mean,

who wants us to see them?

Is it the social media sites?

Is it the search engines?

Because you and I both know,

there's no such thing

as a viral video anymore--

You're talking really fast.

I am?

Yeah, and loud.

I try to talk slowly,

but it just doesn't work.

[sighing]

I think my wife, um, suspects

something, I'm not sure.

It's just a feeling I get.

Maybe just for now,

you and I,

we should hit the pause button

for a bit.

Not see each other as much.

-sh*t.

-I know. It sucks, but...

No, no, it's not that.

sh*t.

What?

I think he might be onto me.

Who?

Walter Pryce.

Who?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

f*ck, yeah.

Sorry. Um.... onto you?

I wasn't going to say anything

until I was sure, but...

he's been sending me, like,

coded messages

through his videos.

Okay.

I realize how this sounds.

Okay, like what?

What-- what kind of messages?

Well, at first

it was little things

that I could brush off,

but lately he's getting bolder.

He said my name first and last,

right there in the video.

And now this thing

with your wife.

Whoa, whoa, wait a second.

You think he's talking

to my wife?

Yeah, if someone tipped her off.

The timing's suspicious.

It's concerning.

Yeah, concerning, right.

And my debunkers group

basically quit on me,

days before his show.

And I'm not saying that,

like, he got to them somehow,

-but I can't be sure he didn't.

-Look, Bridge, it's...

There are few things that men

like Walter Pryce won't do

to protect their empires

from perceived threats.

You know that.

Brigit, your debunkers group

disbanded because

it's a lost cause.

And, I mean, you're telling me

this guy's got nothing

better to do than spy on you

and, what, talk to my wife?

I mean,

I can't tell if you're

kidding with me right now.

Yeah, hard to tell.

Am I kidding?

Am I not?

Either way,

I think you're right.

Yeah. I do.

I think we should...

hit the pause button

for a little bit.

Bridge, wait,

hold on a second. Bridge.

Bridge, sit down.

Br... Bridge.

You know, lately people

have been asking me, like,

why I post so much

about Walter Pryce.

And like, why do we hate

any of the things we hate?

Well, maybe it's the time

he told a grieving couple,

on live TV,

that their missing daughter

would return home safely,

a week before

police discovered her body.

Or maybe it's that when he lies,

so many people listen.

But... if I'm being honest,

which, like,

I guess is the point

of all of this, um,

if I'm being honest...

oof, I...

I hate him

for reasons I understand,

and some I never will.

[motorcycle revving]

[coins clinking]



[forehead squeaking on glass]

[machine whirring]

Psst! Hey. Hey.

I found you.

Your office was closed.

Um, is the unit still available?

If so, I'd like to

take it just for myself.

And my husband can't know.

Well, not yet, anyway.

Um, I'm not

asking you to lie for me.

I wouldn't do that.

But I put a little extra

in there for discretion,

if that's okay,

in case he, uh, snoops around.

So, um, is it?

Is it still available?

Come back in the morning.

It's after hours.

Please.

He thinks I'm at bingo.

I can put up with the bugs.

After 22 years with him,

I can put up with some bugs.

You can move in on the first.

No sooner.

Thank you.



And final verdict.

8 minutes 13 for a nice,

runny yolk.

8 minutes 17 for a denser yolk,

which I prefer.

Um, and if a thick yolk

is what you're after,

a full 9 minutes

minus 2 seconds

ought to do the trick.

This applies to large eggs.

Oh, um, you can

have this if you want.

That's fine.

That's fine,

yes, you'd like me to leave it,

or that's fine,

no, you don't need it.

I'll take it unless

you need to keep it,

in which case

that's also very fine.

Well, um, personal taste

being what it is, per--

perhaps you'd be better off

running your own experiments.

Terry, I-- I'm sorry.

I'm just a little distracted.

Oh, that's fine.

So am I.

[sighing]

[crunching sound]

Will you look at that?

I was 10 cents short

for a bag of chips.

Exactly 10 cents.

And I don't get paid

till tomorrow.

And I'm hungry and tired

and I just want my chips.

And then I look down,

and right there by

the vending machine is a dime.

And I thought, man,

I must have

a guardian angel

looking out for me.

The laziest-a*s-phoning-it-in

guardian angel in all of heaven.

Of course,

if guardian angels were real,

you would have found

a lot more than a dime.

Exactly.

[chuckling]

[clattering]



Just a minute.

Okay.

Yeah, I-- I really

appreciate your time, you know.

It's-- it's not every day

that I get to pick the brain

of someone as

accomplished as yourself.

Yeah, well, you must have

caught me in a good mood.

[music playing on TV]

[faint dialogue from TV]

What's this?

Dad, this is Marissa.

What?

You didn't tell me anything.

I wasn't expecting anyone.

What is this?

A date?

No, Dad,

it's a business meeting.

This is the agent

I told you about.

So you're real?

Unless this is some sort of

paid escort situation.

Oh, my-- Dad.

Just kidding.

I'm sorry.

Well, he didn't say anything,

or I'd have dressed.

-That's fine.

-Come on, my room's this way.

Your son has something.

He sure does.

He has a dad who still pays

his cell phone bills.

-Dad.

-So if it's money

you're after,

I'm afraid this well is dry.

I'm so sorry about him.

No, it's fine.

We all have relatives.

Nice, uh, stuff.

Please don't touch that.

Oh. Sorry.

This is, um...

it's just temporary.

Yeah.

We've all been in,

um, temporary situations.

Look, I'll be honest.

Most of the work around here

is promotional brochures

and casino acts.

-Can you sing?

-No.

I can't say that

I'm particularly musical.

Oh, that's okay. We'll focus

on the brochure work.

And, you know, we do get

the occasional

movie of the week.

Those pay pretty good.

[father] Calvin?

Calvin?

If you ignore him,

it usually stops.

Calvin!

One second.

Why don't you come

when I call you?

This thing is screwing up again.

Well, Dad, I--

-Press--

-I have to take this. Sorry.

She has an important call.

Well, can I drive you home?

-It's the least I can do--

-I'll cab it. Really.

She's not interested, Calvin.



[Rita] I give this place

a year before it's torn down.

Developers have

been sniffing around

for a while now,

and I don't blame them.

Prime location.

They don't tell me anything,

but I give this place a year.

Torn down,

and all the memories with it.

There are other tenants I could

have chosen to cast your way,

like Rube Calamine,

who got his revenge on me

last summer for

ignoring his noise complaints.

-What's that?

-Jesus!

Trapped rats

and emptied their corpses

into the water supply.

Gotta give him credit

for ingenuity.

Or Reagan McCabe.

She runs a scam out

of her unit,

hires strangers off

the internet

to clean her apartment,

accuses them of breaking

a prized possession,

and refuses to pay them.

What's this?

I don't know.

A dog?

You broke it.

Take an acting class.

It's worth more

than you'll ever know.

Or Rosemarie...

Rosemarie...

Ugh, her last name eludes.

Anyway, she's an avid reader.

Frequently donates

her books to the laundry room,

with surreptitiously

placed Polaroids

of her privates

tucked between pages.

[camera clicking, whirring]

But it's too late for that.

As is often the case in life,

we're stuck

with who we stuck with.

[ticking]

[distorted sound]

["Western Stars" by k.d. lang]

Oh, watch the blood.

Oh, Jesus.

Western stars

light up the sky

Hear the desert

wind roll by

Tonight, tonight

Western stars

can break your heart

They keep shining

when we're apart

Tonight, tonight

I watch

I wait

How long will

my heart ache tonight?

Oh, tonight

I watch

I wait

-My--

-[splattering]

[sighing]

You shouldn't trust so easy.

You don't know this guy.

I know him.

I can't believe

you're jealous of Terry.

I'm not.

He's not the one

I'm worried about.

What's that mean?

Nothing.

You know

that Joni Mitchell lyric?

"I'm frightened by the devil,

"but drawn

to those ones that ain't."

Every time I hear that,

I think of you and me.

That's cute.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

Stop it. Stop it.

[car rumbling]

-[door closing]

-[Loyd sighing]

Oh, hey there.

I got a whole cart full

of nail polish about to expire.

How's that for a slow year?

Found your guy, though.

I have to admit, it was really

fun getting back into the game.

You know, it kind of

made me hungry for more cases.

I, uh, I printed off

some pictures

from social media of your guy,

so, uh, my printer's

kind of running low on ink.

I hope that's not a problem.

No, I-- I'm not ready.

I'm sorry.

I, uh...

I-- I need more time.

Okay.

Oh, I find it so relaxing,

painting nails.

You know,

sometimes I think

that's the only thing

that calms me down.

It's like when

autistic people lie on horses.

Of course,

it might be the fumes, too.

You know, that is a real thing.

Uh, are--

Are you sure this is his son?

Sure as rain.

Oh, and I even

found your buddy, too.

The one that was in

the picture with you.

I know you didn't ask me to,

but it-- it's there.

It's in the back.

Turns out he never actually

put the kid up for adoption.

They look like

a real happy family to me.

Wouldn't mind

being a part of it.

This isn't him.

That's not how

you spell his last name.

That's the name you gave me.

Well, that's

not how it's spelled.

But that's the name you gave me.

No, it isn't.

Fine, but in my defense,

you know,

you do not have

the tidiest penmanship.

Wait, wait.

If there is

some kind of mistake,

I can make it right, okay?

I will go out there,

and I will look

for your friend using

the correct spelling.

I would like my money back.

Oh, you really

don't want to do that.

That is going to stick.

Where is my money?

Are you sure you really

want to go through with

this whole refund thing?

Oh, I'm sure.

Okay, it's just

that I-- I just had

new shingles

put on the roof, and I...

Hey, would

you be open to bartering?

I could trade you some

haircuts and dye jobs.

Wha--

All right, well, I'll-- I'll be

here if you change your mind.

[grunting]

[eerie music]

Amongst the mist

and fiercest frosts.

Amongst the mists

and fiercest frosts.

Amongst the mists

and fiercest frosts.

Amongst the mists

and fiercest frosts.

Amongst the mists

and fiercest frosts.

[knocking]

[birds chirping]



[applause]

[audience whistling]

The truth!

Beneath the veneer...

beneath the temporary fables,

we write ourselves.

All the while knowing

they will only evaporate,

into dust,

and blow away with the wind.

But...

the canvas...

onto which we paint our stories,

that is the only truth!

The underlying

consciousness itself.

[applause]

[gentle music]

Well, there's a thing

you don't see on the daily.

[unsettling music]

[car door opening, closing]

[engine whirring]



[slot machine playing tune]

What are you doing here?

Come on, Bridge,

we talked about this.

You gotta text first.

Cameras can't see us here.

[sighing]

It's good to see you.

You miss me?

Yeah, I missed you too.

Look, Bridge, been doing

some, uh, soul searching.

I want us to be honest. 100%.

Not like me and my wife, okay?

I lied.

She doesn't suspect anything.

I-- I made it up because,

I don't know,

I guess I was scared of

getting too close or something.

I mean, what the f*ck is that?

I don't want

to be like that anymore.

I want--

I'm-- I'm ready.

Ready to do this right

with you, okay?

What, are you mad at me?

Ah, okay.

Oh...

[exhaling, laughing]

[screaming]

Bridge, what the f*ck?

Too hard?

Bridge, what the f*ck?

[machines clicking]

[bell dinging]

[elevator beeping]

[lock beeping]

[knocking]

Well, hello.

Hi.

Well, well, well,

please come in.

You don't seem surprised.

Only pleasantly.

Don't be shy.

I'm not.

You seem nervous.

I'm not recording this,

in case you were wondering.

Comedian?

All right,

props are in the top drawer.

I assume the meter's running,

so choose your weapon.

Um, I think you have me

confused with someone else.

What is this?

I'm not-- I'm not,

like, uh, who you think I am.

Look, enough with

the stand-up comedy.

My name is Brigit Gallow.

Oh, congratulations.

From online?

What is this?

Who are you? Who sent you?

I'm a truth seeker.

You know me.

The debunker, eh?

Okay.

Don't pretend

that you don't know me.

You've been sending me

coded messages

through your videos

for some time,

and I want you to know that

I've heard them,

loud and clear,

and I'm not backing down.

Coded messages? Oh.

Uh, don't pretend

that you don't know me.

Oh, come now.

I'm not that scary, am I?

Boogie-woogie-woogie.

Oh, let me guess.

You have under 100 subscribers.

You know the debunking

literary market is dead, but...

your delusions of grandeur

have you convinced

that you'll revive it.

You worship at

the altar of, uh, James Randi.

No, I don't know you,

or your work,

but I've seen you

a thousand times.

Okay. You're a talented reader.

I've always said that about you.

Well, another thing

your tribe has in common

is loneliness,

and you're dishonest.

With yourselves,

and the ones you love.

For example, you, uh, convinced

yourself that your work matters,

matters so much

that I was threatening you,

sending you coded messages.

Seek this truth.

You are already silent to me.

You're even more charming

in person.

Well, all that paranoia

you're directing toward me

is no doubt the misplaced guilt

you feel for your own lies.

You don't know me.

And this type of superficial

pseudo-psychology might appeal

to the barely literate people

that buy your books, but...

I know you, inside and out.

What you want is what I have.

An audience who cares.

You feel so insignificant

that you attack

people who are in positions

of power, out of jealousy.

But you know you'd

give your life tomorrow

for a room of people

who believe your dogma.

You're lying again.

But I guess that's what you do.

Are you recording this?

Hmm.

I said no.

Are you recording this?

Maybe.

Look, if you're

recording this whole--

[knocking]

I-- get back here.

Wait, there's two of you?

Um, actually,

I was just leaving.

What's this, huh?

There's someone else?

What?

I shouldn't be surprised.

They do it with you,

they'll do it to you, huh?

He didn't know who I was.

-Who?

-Walter Pryce.

Who?

Um, doesn't matter.

But yeah, there's someone else.



[gasping]

[sniffling]

Thanks for this.

He's always

getting into trouble.

He was jealous of some guys

who were clearly straight.

It's his way

of showing he cares.

There's gotta be other ways.

Well...

He told me to run.

Oh, I'm sure he's fine.

Uh... [stammering]

He's fine.

-Anyway, I should go.

-Oh no, please. Uh--

I can make you some tea, or...

No, you've been kind enough.

I insist. Uh...

How are things

between the two of you?

Life with Edwin

must be, um, eventful.

Oh, it's eventful, all right.

Yes, I-- I'm sure it is.

But you, you're happy.

Yeah.

Hm. That's all that matters.

Yeah.

You make a handsome pair.

Thank you.

Anyway, I should go

and see if he's back.

Oh, I've made you uncomfortable.

What? No.

No, I have.

-I've pried.

-No.

Yes, I've pried.

Poor thing.

No, I just don't want

to overstay my welcome.

Or, you've sensed my discomfort,

and that's

what's turned you away.

I'm sorry?

I'm afraid you've put me

in a very difficult position.

The both of you.

I didn't want to be

thrust in the middle of this,

but here I am,

and here you are in my home,

and Edwin...

uh, he hasn't been

completely honest with you.

I-- I don't think.

He... seduced me.

Did you know?

We've been intimate,

more than once.

I'm sorry.

I should go.

I am terribly sorry.

Yeah, well, I shouldn't

have heard it from you.

Of course not.

I mean, it's the lying

that really curdles my cream.

[gentle music]

It's now?

Yeah.

[clearing throat]

I dreamt about you again, Eve.

What kind of dream?

Well, that's the problem,

I don't remember.

But, if you'll let me

spend some time with you,

maybe it'll trigger something.

You sure know how to talk.

I'm sorry,

can we try that again?

Okay, first of all, you can't

just stop like that, okay?

I say stop.

-Okay, I'm sorry. I just--

-Let's go again.

I dreamt about you again, Eva.

What kind of dream?

Well, that's the problem,

I don't...

remember.

But, I figure if we could

spend some time...

time together.

You sure know how to talk.

[Calvin breathing deeply]

-You okay?

-I'm sorry.

I don't know what's going on.

It's a panic attack,

no big deal.

I've--

I've never had this before.

Oh, my god.

I get them all the time,

it's normal.

Most people do.

[inhaling]

[Calvin clearing throat]

I want to thank you

for your time,

but I-- I really should be off.

-What?

-I can do it in private, yeah.

But with the camera, the lights,

it's all just a bit too much.

It's a floor lamp.

I didn't mean

to waste your time.

Yeah, well, you did.

You think I'd do this

for just anybody?

No, I'm sure you don't.

That's right, I don't.

Look, you came

all this way here,

let's just film something.

I can't get you work

if we don't film something.

I know,

but I'm just, I'm not good

at talking

with people watching me.

Yeah, well, we can work on that.

And you're not really

Marissa Marlow, are you?

Excuse me?

Okay, obviously not.

Who cares?

That's not the point.

Look, yeah,

I am a compulsive liar.

That or pathological,

but I'm-- I'm pretty sure

it's compulsive,

which is the better one.

I'm sorry to hear.

No, don't be.

I like it.

Everyone's got something.

And I don't know about you,

but I'm ready for this.

And I can make it happen for us.

So my dad was right.

This is some type of scam.

What?

No, look, I'm trying

to hand you an opportunity here.

Yeah, yeah, I think I've had

enough excitement for a while.

[door opening, closing]

[motor revving]

[sighing]

There she is.

sh*t.

This lady would like

her money back.

What? Who is this?

Have you been

posing as an employee

of this establishment?

Why would anyone do that?

She's lying again.

I want my money back.

Riley, come on.

[door opening]

Mind the volume.

Look, I don't know

what all this is,

but some of us have work.

Where are you going?

Get a life.

Come back here.

Sorry I'm late.

I hear you've been trying

your hand at impersonation.

You should have told me.

I would have

booked you at the casino.

Did that guy come in here?

Don't listen to him.

He's an ex.

Been spreading lies all around.

Riley, please.

I know bad acting when I see it.



I'm afraid

that's all I got in me.

I'm tired.

I'm... tired.

Not sure how it'll all end,

but, spoiler alert,

not much'll change.

Hope you got what you came for.

Hope you scratched an itch.

[water running]

[loud bang]

[motor running]

-[door opening]

-Hi.

[grunting, panting]

Tell me something,

and be honest.

Do you think I'm all sizzle

and no sausage?

Oh.

[Terry] No, of course not.

Of course not, yeah.

Some people, right?

Are you okay?

I don't think so.

You're not sure?

Well, who knows? Everyone says

they're fine when they're not,

so I want to

pay you the courtesy

of thinking it over before

I answer, if that's okay, Terry.

[Terry] Well, y-yes, of course.

My aunt changed the locks,

so I picked it,

which I'm not proud of.

And Lucas and I broke up.

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, it's for the best.

He gets jealous.

He made up a story

about you, actually.

Did he come here?

[Terry] Who, Lucas?

No, of course not.

Yeah, exactly.

Let's play the game.

Oh, now?

Yeah, come on.

Now might not be the best time.

Come on!

Edwin, it's late.

Fine. I'll go.

Wait, wait, wait.

[sighing]

There's something

I need to tell you.

There's something I need to say

that's been weighing on me.

Well, I'm all ears here, Terry.

The moment I saw you,

you reminded me so much

of someone I once knew.

The last time I saw this man,

he was about to become a father.

It was a rather unexpected

piece of news, to say the least.

He made it very clear

that he never wanted

to see me again.

Hm. Let's just put it that way.

Last I heard,

they had decided to

put their son up for adoption,

and that was...

25 years ago.

As absurd as it may sound,

I had convinced myself that...

you might be his son,

and all these years later,

fate had somehow

brought you to my doorstep.

I hired a private detective,

to see if there was

any truth to my theory.

I spent $350 that I don't have,

to prove something

that I never really

believed in the first place.

That's pretty f*cked.

I-- I know. I'm sorry.

Well, I'm not adopted,

sorry to disappoint you.

I know you're not.

I-- I never really

believed it was you.

That's the point.

I mean--

Isn't it funny what

I managed to convince myself of?

So wait,

the only reason you liked me

is because I remind you of

some guy you used to know?

No, of course not.

Well, he better be good-looking,

is all I gotta say.

Well, was he?

Yes.

How good-looking?

Very.

This is what

you think I look like?

Well, the-- the picture

doesn't do him justice.

I mean, he was

really quite breathtaking.

Well, then I can

understand the confusion.

You said you were

in love with this guy?

Something

along those lines, yes.

The key is communication, okay?

If something

feels good, tell me.

If something

doesn't feel good, tell me.

I'm not a mind reader over here.

Stop talking, okay?

[sighing]

Are your eyes open?

Yes, they damn well are.

Jesus, you scared

the sh*t out of me.

You're stealing my money.

No, will you keep it down?

The neighbors!

Yes, you are.

You're taking my money.

That's for the massage, okay?

I'm sorry.

You--

You said that was on the house.

-No.

-Yes, yes, you did.

Well, I changed my mind, okay?

That's my right.

Jesus, I thought you'd

be down to help me out,

but don't worry, I'll just

be broke forever and die broke.

Well, why didn't you just ask?

I couldn't sleep. I was bored.

So you're looking through

my wallet to pass the time.

I feel awkward

asking for money, okay?

I'm broke here.

Never mind.

Well, then take it.

Take whatever's in there.

-Go back to sleep.

-Stop telling me what to do.

Shh!

I should go. I can't sleep.

Have to-- Please, stay.

I-- I'm sorry.

Of course I want to help.

How much do you need?

It's just,

I can't always sleep

when I'm sharing a bed

with someone.

But thanks for this.

[loud bang]

No, wait!

[motor revving]

[footsteps approaching]

[water dripping]

[loud bang]

[motor revving]

[sighing]

[Pryce]

And you're dishonest.

With yourselves,

and the ones you love.

[Brigit] Don't pretend

that you don't know me.

You've been

sending me coded messages

through your videos

for some time.

[sighing]

Hello, this one's

gonna be a little different.

This one is a goodbye.

I created this channel

as a forum for honesty.

Because I was upset at the way

the Walter Pryces of the world

took advantage of people,

and I was also annoyed at people

for being so willing

to believe him.

To see patterns

where none exist.

To play connect the dots

and string together

unrelated events into convenient

stories in their minds.

But... anyways, lately I've

come to realize that

maybe I'm not as equipped

for this job as I thought.

Maybe one of you will succeed

where I have failed.

I know that there aren't

many of you watching.

I know that.

But the fact that there

are any at all,

to keep me company...

it's meant the world to me.

-So...

-[knocking]

[knocking continues]

Go away!

Well.

Hello.

I hope you're well.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ, yes.

He's watching.

You know who else?

Archangel Michael.

He casts a judgmental eye.

What are you doing here?

Make yourself right

with the powers that be.

Remove the video.

That's not happening.

I'm a truth seeker.

I'm a conduit for the divine.

You lie to me,

then you lie to them.

I'm calling the cops.

Oh Christ, no, no, no. Christ.

Christ.

Do you mind if-- if I...

Okay?

I'm tired.

I'm tired of running.

There's many ways

I could proceed.

I... got many

attacks I could take.

I just don't know which one

would be most effective.

Probably none of them.

You care about the truth?

I'll tell you the truth.

I never expected to end up

in g*dd*mn Niagara Falls,

but here I am.

Here we all are.

And I could tell you my story,

but I'm doubtful

you'd believe me.

You're right, I wouldn't.

Well, that's a shame,

because it's a colorful one.

I don't give a sh*t

about tarot cards.

My dream

would be a wax sculptor.

Really, yeah.

But it's a--

it's a dying art form.

You need to leave.

You listen to me.

I've shed many skins.

I've had many different names.

And what you need to know

is that what you have...

I prize my anonymity.

And you have compromised it.

I don't care.

You look a little nervous.

Like a bird

that's caught indoors.

Tell me something.

Are you always like this?

You know, jittery birds. Easy.

A little swipe of the broom,

and they're gone.

You don't make me nervous.

What's your name?

Brigit.

Hi, Brigit.

I, I, uh...

I apologize for the cane,

and-- and-- I should never

have swung it at you.

You're right.

You shouldn't have.

It's not like I wasn't provoked.

Oh. You know, threats...

can reveal our core

and what it's comprised of.

So I'm prepared.

I'm prepared to do whatever

it takes to protect my, uh...

my anonymity.

f*ck! f*ck!

f*ck you.

f*ck you, b*tch!

Um... um...



-Hello? Um...

-Jesus!

-Um...

-f*ck.

We have a man with finger...

Blown-off fingers.

[man groaning]

Oh, f*ck.

[groaning]

Ah, oh f*ck.

Oh, f*ck!

[man panting]

[man groaning]

Burton Carmel had spent

a life outrunning the law,

leaving in his path a string

of lucrative pyramid schemes,

an email money scam,

and a brief stint bookkeeping

for the leader of

a high-profile sex cult

you may have heard about

on a podcast.

He didn't die at

Cloudy Falls that night.

Not in any traditional sense.

Wasn't his time.

But his false identity did.

Hard to keep one's

legal name a secret

in the hospital while

getting one's hands sutured.

Point being,

Brigit finally caught a fraud.

I'll miss the smell here,

when it's gone.

I'll even miss the sounds

that wake me up at night.

This little episode of

the fortune teller

who bled out on the terrace,

it spawned,

as you can imagine,

its share of stories.

Some of which leaned further

into reality than others.

Some of which improved

on what actually happened,

in terms of intrigue.

And others of which failed

to capture the drama of it all.

But in any case,

it became another story.

Another piece of

Cloudy Falls' legacy.

[birds chirping]

[creaking]

[Edwin grunting]



[squeaking]

Oh. Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you so much.

Gotta keep the energy flowing.

Visiting 18 towns in 10 days.

It's a living.

18 towns, 10 days,

all with funny names.

That's a job.

It is, if you're

writing a book about them.

Been all the way from Accident,

Maryland, to Fleatown, Ohio.

With stops in Bacon, Georgia,

and Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

Sounds like a short book.

Well, I chat with

the locals about

what it feels like to live

in Peculiar, Missouri.

Hell, Michigan.

Plus, I write a review

on the local eateries.

Hotels, motels.

There's

a travel guide component--

Okay, I get the gist.

Dinosaur, Colorado.

And then there

are the salty ones.

Muff, Ireland.

Twatt, Orkney.

Yep.

Every one of us has a calling.

And yours is writing a book

about towns with shitty names.

How's that feel?

Well, the funny part's

how the idea reached me.

There's a story.

I had recently been laid off.

I was going through a divorce,

and to top it off,

my sister fell off a horse.

And while driving to go

and see her in the hospital,

I got a flat

in Nothing, Arizona.

Nothing.

And it just hit me.

Divine guidance.

Every one of us has a calling.

A divinely ordained purpose.

Amen.

[change jingling]

Next stop,

Whynot, North Carolina.

Happy trails.

You say

your next stop's Whynot?

Take me with you,

and I'll pay for gas.

Oh.

I-- I'm afraid I travel alone.

You sure?

I'm a hell of a navigator.

It's just,

that's where I'm from.

I was born there.

Can you believe it?

If this isn't

a divine calling all over again,

I don't know what is.

I'm terribly sorry.

All right. Had to try.

Keep an eye

out for that book of yours.

Hey.

You thought

of a name for it yet?

Not yet.

I figure I'll know it

when I hear it.

How about...

"There Are No Accidents,

Except in Maryland."



[Rita]

Riley made it as

far as Missouri

before getting caught

trying to steal his car

after slipping sleeping pills

into his coffee.

[Riley] That's not true.

I got out by choice

in Illinois.

The man wouldn't shut up.

But leaving Niagara Falls

was the best choice

I've made in a long time.

My only regret is

not leaving sooner.

Kind of wish I'd been evicted

from that dump a long time ago.



[sighing]



[pen buzzing]

[shouting]

[grunting]

[faint buzzing, groaning]

[door opening]

[Rita]

Terry never saw Edwin again.

Doesn't think

about him much, either.

Good at compartmentalizing

things, I guess.

Male brain.

[Terry]

Well, that's not true.

I think about him all the time.

His late-night visits.

The time

we were finally intimate.

Only it feels like

something that happened

in someone else's life.

Like something I saw on TV,

or overheard through a wall.

I did see him again.

But I thought it best

not to say anything.



[sandals squeaking]

Doctor says it's good

for the arthritis.

I say, what's the point

of living on the ground level

if I have to walk up and down

the stairs seven times a day?

Brigit felt a void.

Accidentally exposing

a fraud left her with

no sense of the satisfaction

she had so long searched for.

No sense of personal reward.

Without debunking

to give her life meaning,

she found herself,

for the first time,

turning to the power of prayer.

[Brigit] That's a lie.

I definitely don't pray.

[wires clattering]

I guess I do miss

debunking from time to time.

The sense of purpose

that came along with it.

The nerves and the thrill

of secretly recording

a reading.

But most of the time,

I just feel relieved.

Like it's someone else's

puzzle to solve.

Like it's hard to remember

why it felt so important in

the first place.

[Rita] You can't go back in time

and change the past.

Undo the mistakes

that clutter our lives.

But if I could,

I would probably pick

different tenants to show you.

Individuals with, shall we say,

more redemptive qualities.

Nothing we can do

about that now.

It gets repetitive.

Walking up and down the stairs.

Over and over.

Gets repetitive.

[majestic music]

[relaxed retro music]