01x06 - Helene Island

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, Mrs Postwoman!

You can give me the letters directly.

So you are Mrs Kirsch?

Yes, every inch her.

So Mrs Maike Kirsch?

Correct.

You may give me the letters.

Well...

Isn't Mrs Kirsch...

What?

Out of town? But she said,
she wouldn't be back until noon today.

I've just returned.

From Caracas.

Oh, yeah?

What was she doing...

...in Caracas?

Yes, you imagine Caracas to be...

Ha! Ha! Nice try.

You see, I know Mrs Kirsch.

She's really nice.

She helped me form a trade union.

No!

I won't let someone steal her letters.

You'd better run,

or I'll remember your face.

Good luck with the union!

Of course I won't check his phone.

Who am I to destroy it all

because I'm obsessive and want
to know everything about this person?

Two, eight, two, one.

-Huh?
-You may check it,

I have nothing to hide.

I didn't mean to...

We did talk about something yesterday,
didn't we?

I didn't mean to want to do it.

I know.

Did you...

I've made breakfast.

-Got to brush my teeth first.
-No!

This is unbelievable!

I don't even remember having told you
that I like half the stuff.

Yeah, I remember everything.

Yeah, like all of it.

All of it. To be honest, that's a problem
sometimes. I've always been like that.

Okay.

What were the last three sentences
we spoke before we fell asleep yesterday?

You said,
we could get plants for the flat.

And I said, I'll never manage that.

And then you said, but I think
you will manage that. And then...

...you lay down like this, and fell...

...asleep like that.

Yeah, that's right.
I do sleep like that sometimes.

Hey, Mummy!

No, it's Mum.

Yeah, that's what I said.

-You're in a good mood, huh?
-Yeah. So...

You just come over
and I'll cook something.

I just wanted to know whether we want
proper lunch or just have a quick...

...snack for three of us?

Helene, I can't talk too long now.

Above all, I think we should talk again.

I have to hang up now, Helene.

See you, okay?

Bye, Mummy!

What are you thinking about?

You...

...shout out to the world...

how happy you are.

Yes.

You're like an island.

Like an island: "Helene Island"

Now then. I've made a plan.

My mother comes to visit,

and I'll buy us rosé,

Then she'll ask how we met,
and I'll tell her all about it.

You say something, she'll laugh.

I'm so happy I can't talk.
She sees it, and...

Yeah. I've also printed out a list of
used car dealers who sell the buses

you could imagine us travelling Europe.

Just the ugly places
with wood burning in front of houses.

And on the way, we'll argue
and then we'll laugh

and then we'll argue again,
then we'll make love and...

Well, the point is...

The problem was:

all the dealers just had voicemail on.

When did you do all that?

Tonight.

Did you sleep at all?

Briefly.

Not at all.

I've also written a text.

"How I want to live with you"

Oh, Helene, I have... Um...

I'm giving a lesson today.

I'm here for my lesson.

Well, then unpack it.

Well, then I'll unpack the cello.

But first, I'll make you come
with my mouth.

Then we'll eat salt sticks
and look at each other longingly.

We'll shake our heads
at so much exuberance.

I'm so glad you found my flyer!

A friend gave me the tip.

-Caroline?
-Mina.

Ah, Mina!
She likes it with the mouth too.

Lesson?

Uh-huh.

If I leave now, I can still make it.

Sure.

Helene, can you do me a favour?

Can we do everything step by step?
Is that okay?

I start my new job at the airport today.

Thanks again for your urine.

TO MUM:
WANT TO DINE WITH ME AND OSKAR?

MUM: YES, OKAY.
SEE YOU LATER AT 6:30 PM.

OSKAR: MUM SAID YES

Helene Sternberg?

On behalf of Flusec,
a warm hello from me too.

My name is Jörg Rachnow, and I'm pleased
to welcome you aboard our team today.

Rachnow.

Rachi.

-Hi.
-Well,

the drug test was clean.

And the X-ray test result

was the best we've had
since the new cameras were introduced.

-Sober?
-Yes.

-Pregnant?
-No.

Well, not that I know of.

-Red-green colour blind?
-No.

-Ready?
-Yes.

Cigarette pack.

Knife in apple?

Hand grenade...

in...

nappy.

Pills in a child's bag,

baked into a cake.

I have to say, I'm a little confused.

I'm sorry.

I just said what came to my mind.

I imagine things all the time.
It's like some kind of... illness.

-Sorry.
-No, what I mean is...

You've got 99 percent.

Except for the anthrax-filled double
dildo in the balsamic vinegar bottle.

I thought it was red wine.

Who can tell red wine
from balsamic vinegar?

-No one?
-No.

Except Green parliamentarians.

Or supermarket cashiers.

Or koalas trained from childhood
to know the difference.

Sure.

Yes?

I'll recommend my boss to hire you
instantly. Folk like you who are a bit...

-...crazy.
-Yes.

...we could use around here.

Thank you!

I'm sorry, I...

...I...

All's just going so...

...so wonderfully well for me.

I didn't think I'd ever be able
to do anything with my weird brain.

Apart from you, only one
very experienced employee

has recognised the cat tucked away in
15 boxes of chocolates and the rusty nail

hidden in the Baby Born doll.

Mrs X-ray vision!

-Your police certificate isn't there yet.
-Yes. The postwoman was on holiday.

We really need it, you know?

Yep.

It's the Federal Police.

The "Bupis".

They watch us to make
sure we're watching.

Do they know who I am?

They know who you are, where you live and
how much money you have in your account.

By letting slippery people in here,

we'd put the passengers
and everything at risk.

Sure.

Now then.
Your job is to look at the monitor

and see what people
have in their suitcases.

-Uh-huh.
-If anything looks funny to you,

you press here.

There.

All right.

He's a person
who quit smoking 14 years ago,

but still smells like smoke.

But in a pleasant way.

[speaking french]

Helene?

Um...

Well, the suitcase is clean.

Clothes, a book by John Le Carré,
perfume, sunglasses.

He probably often goes
to where he first met his lover,

who died of pancreatic cancer a year ago.

He goes there all the time.

Super!

How long do you think it'll take for
the forest to go back to the way it was?

Huh?

Well, I've no idea.

Forests always recover.

I told Louis, if he spits at me from
the swing one more time, I'll fist him.

You'll fist him?

Yeah, like you said:
you'll fist your bank for the overdraft.

Yeah, definitely!
Next time, you'll really fist him.

Hey! Hi, Helene!

Oh!

-Gosh!
Sorry, I have to keep up the frequency.

What's up, you two?

Yeah, we're here to walk
the sensory path for blind people.

Hey, I called that number
you called me from the other day.

Don't be embarrassed
of working in a call centre, Helene.

Well, on top of your social start-up?

-I had Georgina on the line.
-Um... Georgina...?

Your boss.

Well: ex-boss.

She's really nice.

We kind of got along really well
on some level.

Yeah. Well, there are
two sides to everything.

Yeah.

Sure! I just wanted to say...

I'd be happy to help you, Helene.

You just have to give me a sign.

A little sign.

I need some people
for community management.

For...

-...community management?
-Yes, for community management.

Well, nah. I've got my social start-up.

Besides, you're a puppet of capitalism.

It's true, I can't see you,
but if I could,

I guess you look like someone

who wants everyone to think

she doesn't want to look like someone

who looks like she wants to look good,
but looks good.

That's...

...correct.

You've put that...

...really well!

-Okay, I'll jog on now.
-And how are you otherwise?

Everything's fine, Helene.

-We'll meet up, right?
-Yeah, sure.

Oh, I forgot.

I saw you and Oskar will be
at Llewellyn Reichman's opening

He confirmed it on Facebook.

Um... Llewellyn Reichman, the...

...the conceptual techno artist who's
been living in silence for two years.

-I'll see you there.
-Yeah, absolutely.

I hate her.

She's only doing what she has to.

It's open already. Shall we get boozed?
I've something to tell you.

Yeah, you texted me.

It's 4:00 p.m.

It's sixteen hours and... three minutes.

-So, it's alright.
-I've got things to do.

I'm so happy for you!

I'm so happy for me too.

-Where is he?
-He's teaching.

But that's wonderful!

Hen.

Now all is finally falling into place.

Bryan Adams once said...

Dad, please don't say
what Bryan Adams said for once.

If he doesn't reply, just...

Go and see him.
Reach for the things you desire.

You know...

I have someone in my life now too.

What do you have?

It's not definite yet, but if I hadn't
kept going back to that chat room...

What?

Anyway, I've uploaded
a photo of myself from 2001,

and now I'm a little worried
it will be noticed when we meet.

You met a woman in a chat room?

In a chat room, yes.

So not a woman?

-Yes, also.
-A man then?

Also.

You met a man and a woman
and fell in love with them both?

Yes.

-Dad?
-Uh-huh.

Now that our lives are...

...changing and everything,...

I have something important
to tell you too.

What I... Well...

What I haven't told you all this time...

Well, which is actually quite extreme.

...but you must know it.

Um...

Günther!

You old pig!

You look bad.

Gosh! Philipp.

Your new girlfriend?

No kidding, your daughter, right?

-Yes.
-Yes, I know. You sent me her CV.

Summa c*m laude.

Let me put it this way:

with your pretty face

and your CV,

all our doors are open to you.

Speaking of which, I'm going
to the road traffic lawyers' room.

What CV?

I...

I made you one. Using WordArt.

I scanned your...

...certificate, and sent it to...

...two...

...or three... chambers.

-Ah.
-What did you want to tell me?

Um...

I found someone on eBay

who sells toys on club vacation. He had
Stefan van der Schnarch for EUR 20.

-He did?
-Yes, he did.

What I want, is love,
love that's not asking what love is

Love that is constantly there
In a glas of orange juice

And in curtains
and between your weird thick lashes

Just here...

Right now in this room

And afterwards also

And after that,
and after that

And still after that

I want to have discussions and learn

I want to love deeply

And speak a language
no one else understands

I want to have sex with you, eyes open,
dreaming also

I want to comfort you, lying in bed

I want to f*ck until I'm completely
exhausted and flat like a rhino

And I want to know
why we're both strange

And unusual...

Being together in a strange and unusual
way, waking up in the morning together

Without knowing why...

Doing the most absurd things
for each other

No matter who and where
or what you are

Being interested every single second

I want to say we if me meet friends
mine or yours

I want to have days,
shitty days

an every day, a normal day

Day and night...

TO OSKAR: HEY
YOU'RE STILL COMING, ARE YOU?

With you and wild animals

I want to invent our own holidays
and go crazy with you

If you're wtih me
I feel like I'm a part of this world

And if you're a part of this world,
I feel safe

And then there's a problem...
And we talk about it

TO OSKAR: MUM'S NEARLY THERE.

And while we're talking about
it exhaustively we're together...

And happy

Hey!

Helene, I told you it would
be good if you slowed down a bit.

Yeah, sure.

I am.

When...

...will you be here?

I'm not feeling well today.

But my mum is literally on her way.

Oh, yeah! f*ck!

W-w-why "f*ck"?

Yeah, f*ck.

You...

...can...

You can't just say "f*ck" now.

Helene, I really don't feel like it.

Alexander?

Yes?

Where do you see yourself
in ten years' time?

At the Cape of Good Hope,
surfing and sleeping together.

You're so cute.

You're so cute too.

You're so in love.

-No, you.
-No, you.

-You always three times more.
-I'll pinch you.

I love you.

Tell me: what do you think of
my mother and Dr Spellart?

Kind of fake.

Yeah, right? But you know what,
I'm going to make them break up.

I know that Dr Spellart sells creams
coming from China.

He puts them in new tubes
and sells them for ten times as much.

When I have enough evidence,

I'm going to go to the police
and report him.

f*ck: Spellart!