01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

- All right, Clive?
- Ms Rees.

Got a package for Carwyn
needs signing for.

- That'll be the yoga, is it?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I tried it once.

Disaster.

I mean, I'm active, like,
it's just I can't bend.

I've made my peace with
it, but it does upset...

g*nsh*t

SHE GASPS

Inspector Caesar,
there's been a sh**ting.

PHONE RINGS

Well, I am not in the habit

of letting people
get away with m*rder!

Come, Atkins! Don't dally!

PHONE RINGS

Crime waits for no man.

- ANNOUNCER: -
John Chapel returns

as your favourite TV
detective after the break.

SHE GASPS

Carwyn!

SHE SOBS

I am still going to need
a signature for the...

SIREN WAILS

There's a nice through l...

Ohh. Stay here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
cool your boots.

You have to let me in there.
I'm Carwyn's business partner.

We're supposed to
have a catch-up at 11.

Well, that's not
going to happen now

unless you've got a
psychic with you. Sorry.

Didn't mean for it to
come out like that,

but can you please
just back away? Yeah.

Kayleigh, I'm at work.

No, darling, I'm not coming home
because the internet's down.

I... I'm not trying to stifle
your thirst for knowledge.

You only want to
use it for Snapchat.

Look, we'll talk later, right?

HE SIGHS

Sorry about that,
Mallowan. Kids!

Don't have 'em, ha.

Unless you want
to. You'd be great.

Do you want to?

Actually, I can't ask that.

HR. Sorry. Zip it. Right.

Where are we?

Victim's name is Carwyn Rees.

Local property developer.

Ran Rees New Homes.
Not very popular.

Had the community up in
arms over a new development.

m*rder?

About to check in with Baxter,
but he was alone in the house,

g*n in his hand, so
it looks like suicide.

Great!

Well, not great.

Sad, but simpler.

Less paperwork.

Right, I'll brief the chief
super. Keep me posted.

- ON TV: - 43, 44, 45...

Bloody hell!

It's going to take more
than bleach and elbow grease

to clean this up.

Apparent cause of death,
g*nsh*t wound to the head.

Can't confirm 100%, but
almost certainly suicide.

Will you be all
right on this, Janie?

Only... I know...

Yep. Yeah, I'm all
right. I'm fine. Yep.

Ooh, weird.

He had lunch booked.

Doesn't say where or who with.

I wouldn't be k*lling myself
if I had an house like this.

Did you see the size
of the kitchen island?

Yeah.

What's that?

It's the package the postman
was delivering to Carwyn.

- Oh.
- Who kills themselves when they're planning a holiday?

- Nice-looking houses.
- Mm.

Not that I could afford one.

You could afford
the deposit, surely.

You've got a good job.

No partner or kids to
spend your money on.

And you live with your mum.

Yeah, thanks!

Really making me feel
better about my life.

Ooh, that is weird.

It's... It's paint.

- I'll get Team SOCO on that.
- Mm.

Mind if I turn this over?

BELLS CHIME ON TV

Yes, I mind! That's Caesar.

Oh, it's a good one.

The Bell Tolls For Thee.

I get enough bodies at work.

And these shows are
all the same anyway.

No, Caesar was the best.

He had a mind that could unpick
any m*rder. Total genius.

- Bit like me.
- You've solved many murders, have you?

All right, not exactly like
me. Right, door-to-doors...

I don't understand.

Oh, but without doubt
you do, my dear.

Because you m*rder*d him.

Quick update, Sarge. Wife's
with the family liaison officer

and I've taken a statement from
Ceri, the business partner.

Listen to us! We sound
like proper police!

We are proper police, Chaudhry.

Yeah, of course,
but a sh**ting -

I mean, it's big-boy business.

- I like your car.
- Ahh!

Blue is my favourite colour.

Do you like Encanto?

Ava, get in here now!

SHE CHUCKLES

Who lives there?

Uh, no-one knows much about
him. Bit of a mystery.

Keeps himself to himself.

According to one neighbour,
he's a "miserable old f..."

Let's just say they
don't like him.

Well, he's nosy.

Maybe he saw something.

Oh, my God! John Chapel!

You're John Chapel! I love you!

Not you - your show.

I love your show.
I don't love you.

I didn't even say, "I love you."

I think you've got me
confused with someone else.

I'm sorry, bye.

No! Ah...

CLATTERING

I know it's you!

I've watched you for hours.

Sorry, that sounds creepy.

I mean, Caesar. I've
watched every episode.

Can you leave me alone, please?

I don't want to have
to call the police.

Oh, I am the police!
Janie Mallowan!

Mid Wales Police. Trebach CID!

SHE GASPS EXCITEDLY

I'm a big fan. 32. Scorpio.

Sorry. Sorry. I'm babbling.

Erm, c-can you let me in?

- JANIE: - Wow.

I was literally just
watching you on TV.

{\an8}What are you doing here?

{\an8}This is my house.

{\an8}You live here?

{\an8}It's what people tend
to do in their houses.

{\an8}So, this is where
you've been hiding!

{\an8}I can't believe I'm
in Caesar's house!

You're not. You're in
John Chapel's house,

- and John Chapel's busy!
- OK. - I...

- I'll do it. No, I'll do that.
- OK.

Thank you.

CLUNKING

OK, I can't believe you're here.

I have dreamt of this moment.

Not... Not in a weird way.

I'm not weird. This...
This isn't weird.

No, not weird at all.

So, it's just you here, is it?

Yeah, uh... Well, no, no.

Well, there's Alan, but
he doesn't live here.

He just stops by for his
lunch and a chat. Ah...

Don't touch that.

- OK.
- Thank you.

And, erm, where
does this Alan live?

He doesn't live
anywhere. He's a stray.

Oh, Alan's a cat?

He was the last time
I checked, yeah.

And this cat talks to you?

Oh, yes. We have
in-depth conversations

about Marxist
dialectical materialism.

Of course, he doesn't talk
to me - he's a bloody cat!

- Do I look mad?
- No, no.

Not at all. No.

Oh, this is dusty.

Yeah, TS Eliot first
editions tend to be,

and that's how I
like it! Put it back.

OK.

- Not like that.
- OK.

Right, erm, shall
we cut to the chase?

I assume you're here about
Carwyn Rees's m*rder.

m*rder? No. Seems
likely it was suicide.

HE LAUGHS

No!

Oh, no, it was
definitely m*rder.

You can be certain of that.

Wow.

I'll put the kettle on.

What? No.

You do... Uh...

KETTLE WHISTLES

I didn't even know
I had biscuits.

You sure you don't want tea?

I can't stand tea.

What? You don't drink tea?

That's, like, Caesar's thing.

Yeah. I'm more of a
coffee aficionado.

Right, well, take it as
slowly as you need to.

What makes you think
it was a m*rder?

Well, isn't it obvious?

Because of June.

OK. What happened in June?

No. Carwyn's cleaner, June.

She used to clean for me,
but I had to let her go.

She kept dusting my books.

Anyway, June's son
loves pop-up cards.

Pop-up cards...

Yes, so, at Christmas,

Carwyn used to hand-make
these beautiful cards

- especially for him.
- Oh.

Well, that's how I know
he didn't k*ll himself.

I don't understand.

- Today is Monday.
- Mm-hm.

June comes on a Monday.

Now, a man that
considerate to his cleaner

would never allow
her to find his body.

OK. So, when you say
you're sure it was m*rder,

I was hoping for some
actual concrete evidence,

seeing as you knew
Carwyn so well.

I hardly knew him.

So all of this is
just guesswork?

I didn't know him, but
I observed him. I...

- Right.
- I pondered his motivations.

That's how a good actor, a
proper actor, understands people.

Mm-hm. And actors just know

whether someone was
m*rder*d or not, do they?

Carwyn Rees is not the kind of
person to take his own life,

especially not with
a g*n. No, it's...

It's... It's too messy.

He likes order, neatness.

Yeah, I... But why? Why?

Why? Yes, he...

The product of a strict
private school upbringing?

Possibly, Chapel, yes.
Or maybe the opposite?

Yes, OK. Childhood. Yeah.

No boundaries, free-range,

so he set all his
own rules and order.

Yes, it's... It's
really interesting.

Yeah, that is a
fascinating theory,

but sometimes there is
no logic to suicide.

Trust me, people do
act out of character.

Action is character.
That's Aristotle.

- Yeah.
- A person's actions are always consistent with their character.

- Look at you and your car.
- What about my car?

Well, you look professional.
You're on the ball.

You know what you're
doing. You're smart.

But your car is a skip on
wheels. It's out of character.

It tells me that it's important to
you, but it begs the question why?

And it gets the answer -
mind your own business.

Now, seeing as you've got
nothing useful to give me

other than the ramblings
of a village hermit...

Hermit? I'm not a bloody hermit!

I-I went to Swansea last month.

Hermit?! Hang on a minu...
You asked me for my help here.

Yes, I did, and that is my bad.

But best leave it to
the professionals. OK?

I'll let myself out.

Actually, one more thing.

Can you do the line,
"Crime waits for no man"?

No.

We've heard back from
Carwyn's solicitor.

Wife inherits everything.

Carwyn was due to
meet them next week,

but we don't know
what it was about.

All seems pretty
routine. Brilliant!

Sir, erm, I was hoping to grab you
for a chat about the DI position.

I was thinking of applying.

You?

Ah.

How to put this? Erm...

We used to have a saying on
the force in Port Talbot -

there's no point going for a walk
if you haven't tied your shoelaces.

Do you see where I'm going?

Not really. Am I the shoes?

What I'm saying is, you'll
be a great DI one day.

Actually, I... I can even
see you ending up like me.

- Great.
- But you've barely been a DS for five minutes.

You need more experience.

Build more cases.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, that's Baxter.

What?

No frigging way!

That's the PM report
from our suicide.

And?

m*rder?

The shot entry point's inconsistent
with Carwyn pulling the trigger.

We think it was somebody
stood behind Carwyn -

fired as he was turning,
so it was like...

SHE IMITATES SHOT
DANIELLE GASPS

Sorry. Let me get you a tissue.

Thanks.

I shouldn't cry.

I've just had my lids done.

Erm, did... Did Carwyn
have any enemies?

Anyone he had beef with?

It doesn't have to be big
beef. Little beef. Mince.

Carwyn had a lot of
enemies 'round here.

Him and Ceri, that's
his business partner,

had a lot of tree-huggers up in
arms with the new development.

Another thing, was Carwyn
planning a holiday?

Carwyn? Holiday?

SHE SCOFFS

No. He was always too
busy with the business.

I had to make do with a spa trip
on my own every other weekend.

SHE SOBS

Right, well, erm, thank
you for your help.

And sorry for your loss.

Sorry. I don't know why
I went for the handshake.

I'll let myself out.

I still can't believe this.

Who would have thought?

m*rder?

SHE SOBS

DOORBELL JANGLES

John Chapel! Brought
you a present.

Oh, please, do come on in.

While you're here,

how do I go about taking
out a restraining order?

It's from my own collection.

You don't already
have it, do you?

Good God. That is a uniquely
appalling picture of me.

I figured out why
you moved here.

Recognised the bridge.

Not far from here. Me
and my best mate, Sian,

we nearly broke our
necks diving off it once.

So, what, you, uh, used
to come here on holiday?

Good work, Detective, but, no.

No, we, uh... We
lived here. Yeah.

This was actually
our first home.

Elin was from here.

Abertirion.

Ah! Pulled yourself
a Welsh girl!

- Nice one, John Chapel.
- Hmm.

Rather not talk about it.

Look, erm...

I know what it's like
to lose somebody close,

but the worst thing in
the world you can do

is sit around thinking.

You've got to just push
those thoughts down.

Put those feelings
away in a box,

like Christmas decorations,
and put them in the loft.

Then they're gone.

Thank you for that.

But that is really
terrible advice.

- I don't think it's bad.
- Now, let's get to the point.

I imagine you're here to
talk about the m*rder?

What? No. No, it's
all under control.

Oh, come on!

Visiting during a busy
m*rder investigation?

The folder under your
arm? The mug pretext?

I can see by the way
you're looking at it,

you don't want to let it go.

It does actually have
sentimental value, yes.

OK, erm, well, yeah,
this is unusual to ask,

but, uh, I was thinking...

I don't know what
I'm trying to say.

I think what you're
trying to say is that

this rambling old hermit
is the only person

who thought it was a m*rder,
and that my unique insights

might be able to help
you find the k*ller.

So, please, can I help you?

Yes.

That one, please.

HE INHALES

All right, but we'll have
to do it from the cafe.

If I don't have my 2pm
extra-hot latte macchiato,

I'm no good for anyone. Come on.

Caesar drinks coffee
in a place like this!

Yeah. It's perfect.

Nobody knows who I am here,

and the staff are
all six years old

and never look up
from their phone.

Oh, that looks nice.

Oi, you said you weren't hungry.

- I'm not.
- MUFFLED: - God, that is good.

Excuse me. You are
him, aren't you?

John Chapel?

Guilty as charged, ladies.

I told you, Mo.

We couldn't believe
that you were here.

We've all got to be
somewhere, haven't we?

Even a TV icon likes
an afternoon macchiato

now and again.

HE CHUCKLES

We thought you were dead.

I'm very much still
alive, as you can see.

It's a pleasure to meet
fans, but... terribly busy.

So, what was that you
were saying about the...?

- Yeah.
- Now, I can't get over the guide book.

Forget the guide book!

Now, why would somebody
want Carwyn dead?

That's the only question here.

The affair...

May well be a motive.

He was having an affair?

Oh, yes. The streaky bacon.

- What?
- Three months ago,

Carwyn stopped taking
deliveries from our butcher's.

He swapped his
morning bacon sandwich

for a bowl of muesli.

Well, maybe he'd watched
Babe: Pig In The City.

I didn't go near bacon
for months after that.

Oh, I was very nearly in that.

Yes. They did an
availability check.

Couldn't make the dates work.
Had to let it go. Hey-h*!

Yeah.

Oh, erm, yeah. No.

And Carwyn had taken up running.

Well, the effort was
clearly for a woman.

OK, assuming you're right,

that gives Danielle a motive.

What, over the affair? No, she
isn't the biblical revenge type.

Doubt she even noticed.

Not the most observant.
Yeah. Not like...

That's interesting, Chapel.
That's very interesting.

- What is it?
- No, there is somebody

who notices everything.

Joyce Pugh. Lives
across the road from me.

Yeah. I don't know about
Neighbourhood Watch -

Neighbourhood Witch, I call her!

You could get
cancelled for that.

I don't care. You want to
try living next door to her.

She's always snooping on
people behind her curtain.

Well, I saw her yesterday
with a young girl.

Oh, that's her
granddaughter. Ava.

She's lived with her ever
since Joyce's son and his wife

were k*lled in a...
in a car accident.

Yes. It was tragic.

Somebody took a statement.
There was nothing to report.

The police were outside
Joyce's all day yesterday.

Now, I'm Joyce.

IMITATES JOYCE: Now, I don't
want to know why they're there -

I HAVE to know.

I don't want to go out
and see what's going on.

AS HIMSELF: Well, that's
just not credible!

And that makes her a m*rder*r?

No, it makes her an
inconsistent character.

Joyce is hiding something.

You mark my words -
she's the key here.

She is the key!

HE GROANS

Are you OK?

Yeah. I just need a
bit of a breather.

I'd forgotten how much
it takes out of you,

getting into somebody
else's psyche.

You know, it's, uh...
Whoo! Shake it off!

Reminds me of a Gorky
play I was in once.

Mood changes,
emotional gear cha...

Have you had some more
of my organic brownie?

Mm. Here we go. Joyce Pugh.

She was in the
newspaper last week.

"Council meeting turns ugly."

Ugh, pop-ups!

No, I do not want to know what
these washed-up stars look like now.

Aw! You're in this one.

What? No. Really?

- Let me have a look.
- Joking.

Erm... Here we go. "Abertirion
community councillor Joyce Pugh

"struggled to keep
a lid on proceedings

"at the recent council meeting.

"Protesters hijacked
the session to discuss

"the Rees New Home Fferm
Ffawydden woods development.

"Protester Alys Evans was ejected
after threatening Carwyn Rees."

Looks like we've got
a new prime suspect.

- ALYS: - I lost my temper,

but these trees go back
to the ninth century.

Hywel Dda would have
walked among these.

You can tell that from
the trees, can you?

No. But he was King
of Wales around then.

- He could have been here.
- Right.

Erm, can you tell me
what you were doing



School trip. We
were there all day.

- I teach at the local primary.
- Yeah.

- Art.
- I was going to guess art.

- It's the chunky earrings.
- Oh, right.

There were paint traces
found at the crime scene.

I'm a primary school teacher.

If I'd been there,
there'd have been glue,

glitter and felt, too.

You threatened Carwyn.

I was worked up, is all.

Just look at this place!

It's almost magical.

Did you hate him?

It's n... It's not about him.

Rees New Homes lied to us.

There were a lot
of angry people.

Just look at the strength
of public feeling.

I wanted to, uh,
tunnel under the trees,

stop the diggers
- a real protest.

I've done it before.

Whoa!

Hywel Dda's gotten hotter
since we did him at school.

That's my interpretation of him.

Powerful.

Strong...

..yet sensitive.

Yeah.

You really like Hywel Dda.

That doesn't make me a k*ller.

Now, if that's everything?

For now.

SHE HISSES

Oh, no. My leg's gone!

Can you give me a hand?

Thank you... Ohh!

JOHN: No doubt this
Alys was furious,

but there's no blind rage
in this... in this crime.

No, this... This m*rder
was... was planned.

Mm.

They're barking up
the wrong tree, Alan.

CAT MEOWS

Oh, sorry, I didn't
mean to be insensitive,

mentioning the barking there.

I know this is none
of our business, mate,

but... but justice...

CAT MEOWS

..surely that's
everyone's business?

CAT MEOWS

A life has been taken.

CAT MEOWS

Afternoon, Joyce.

Oh, I see you've got
a bare patch there.

Oh, yes!

My foxgloves had to come out.

My fault for not watering them,

but I've been up to
here with it all.

Oh, you've, erm,
shaved off your hair.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, we don't often
see you out and about.

No. Well, a bit of
fresh air and all that.

Can't spend all day inside.

No. Well, I know how
hush-hush you are

about where you live
and what have you,

but your secret's safe with me.

Well, I did tell Mrs
Reynolds down the Co-op,

but she's got no
idea who you are.

Marvellous.

You're the grumpy man from
over there, aren't you?

- Mam-gu calls you the B word.
- Ava!

Probably got a point.

Maybe I have been a bit of a B.

Sometimes even a C.

What's a C?

Clown! Never mind, Ava, love.

What did you want, Mr Chapel?

Well, I thought it'd be
the neighbourly thing

to have a collection
for Danielle.

Oh, poor dab,

Carwyn taking his
life like that...

No, the police
think it's m*rder.

Oh? Well, I... Really?
I thought it...

Shocking, isn't it?

I didn't really know
him that well, did you?

No. I-I can't remember the
last time I spoke to him.

It was last week, Mam-gu.

We saw him at Vision
Express and you said...

Oh, that's right! So we
did. Go on, go and play.

Who'd k*ll Carwyn?

- We need your Caesar on the case.
- SHE LAUGHS

If only we could
help the police more.

Well, it's our duty to,
isn't it? As a community.

Yes, I suppose we do.

Yes. If only we'd
noticed anything.

Not that we want to
gossip, of course.

- Oh, no. No-one likes a gossip.
- No.

- Although his PA, young little thing...
- Mm-hm?

..she's been coming
round a lot lately.

Round the clock.

Oh, right, then. Well,
that's... That's interesting.

You know, if you're
community-minded now,

it's the church fete soon.

It'd be brilliant if we
had someone off the telly

come and say a few
words or what have you.

Well, I'm afraid
I'm busy that day.

We haven't set a date yet.

Right, well, sorry,
can't stay and chat.

Why was that man so odd?

He's an actor, little Ava.

They're all odd.

ENGINE STALLS

PHONE RINGS

ENGINE STALLS

- Stupid...
- Sorry?

No. Not you!

My car's gone again.

Maybe get a new one?

It's got sentimental value.

Did you call to
give me car advice?

I've been doing some
digging on Carwyn.

Locals say he was a
bit of a ladies' man.

Well, actually, they said
he was a top shagger.

Apparently, he had relations with
half the town over the years.

Anything else?

This is the juicy bit.

Carwyn seems to have been taking
money out of Rees New Homes.

He's over 200 grand
in a savings account.

That gives a pretty
solid motive to Ceri,

the business partner.

ENGINE IGNITES

Told you my car was fine!

Football, eh?

Most people have a photo
of their wife and kids.

The Swans are my wife and kids.

I'm a season ticket holder.

Plus, stadiums are
less maintenance.

- You a football fan?
- Nope. Can't stand it.

Can we go through your movements
again the morning Carwyn died?

I was on site at the show home.

We still had to get the
kitchen tiled and decorated,

ready for tomorrow.

What's happening tomorrow?

Open day for Fferm Ffawydden.

Big event at the show home.

How does it work, two of
you running the place?

Don't you get on
each other's nerves?

I live with my mam.

We get under each other's
feet all the time.

Sometimes you just want to say,
"Stop knocking on the door.

"I don't want toast!
I'm having a bath!"

We've been looking
into Carwyn's finances.

Did you know he was
stealing from the company?

Can I talk to you
off the record?

No, you can't talk
to me off the record.

We're the friggin' police.

But obviously you did know.

OK. ba*ls on the table.

I'd had my suspicions,

so I did some digging and
found out he'd been stealing.

Why didn't you
mention this before?

Because it's a pretty
big motive for m*rder.

Now, is that everything?

Yes.

For now.

One more thing.

Carwyn had a lunch appointment
in his diary for Monday.

Did you know
anything about that?

No. You could check
with his PA, Mel,

but, uh, she's showing an exclusive
buyer round the show home.

I actually might take
one of these. It's...

Mam can be quite a lot.

Such an honour to meet you.

CHUCKLES: Oh, stop it.

- Please!
- My nan loved your show.

It's not really my thing.

Oh, really? Do stop it. Please.

Here we go.

SHE GIGGLES

Oh.

Wow.

Now, this might sound a bit mad,

but, erm, when I buy a house,

I really like to find out
all I can about who made it.

- Oh, of course.
- You know, the creator. - Mmm!

Give me a sense of story.

You know, us actors,
we love stories.

What was Carwyn like?

An enigma?

No, he was a Scorpio.

- Oh.
- He was a great boss.

Loved getting his hands dirty,

- helping out with the houses.
- Oh, very rare.

- Mm.
- You must have admired him, looked up to him.

Desired him, even?

Me and Carwyn?

SHE GIGGLES

I'll have to tell my
girlfriend that. She'll laugh.

Oh!

HE LAUGHS

He sounds like the
perfect boss, though.

I mean, you must have
all loved him here.

Well, not everyone.

He could be tough.

Even lost it with one
of the electricians

for the plug sockets not
being exactly lined up

in the spare bedroom.

Told him he'd never
work for us again.

Oh. That's interesting. Yeah.

Sh-sh!

THEY CHUCKLE

If poss, I'd love to get a
feel of the house on my own,

you know, spread
my antennae, erm,

you know, just
inhabit the space.

Let the walls speak to me.

SHOUTS: Bah-bah-bah-bah!

Lovely acoustics.

Getting a real sense
of history here.

It's a new build, John.

I knew you'd understand.

Thanks very much.

- You are such an intelligent person.
- Oh, I suppose so.

I mean, I hope they really
value you at Rees New Homes.

You've got such an
acute intellect.

- Do they? I do hope so.
- Yeah... - Thank you so much.

- I...
- They'd be foolish not to.

- Lovely. - OK, I'll just...
- Thank you. - I'll just wait...

SHOUTS: Bah-bah-bah-bah!

WHISPERS: Think, Chapel, think.

What am I missing?

HE MURMURS

That's interesting.

That's very interesting, Chapel.

Looks like Carwyn Rees
was defrauding his company

and planning to run away
with his money to Dubai.

Good work!

- Pub?
- Sick!

I don't know, though.

I can't stop thinking
about the guide book.

Like, you know when
you can't sleep

and you've got the EastEnders
theme running in your head?

Something's not right.

It's just a hunch.

Do you know how I got this job?

The old DI was having
an affair with her boss,

and they both had to resign?

Blew a hole in
the entire force -

- they were desperate for
someone. SOFTLY: - Yeah.

No! I...

I got this job by
being a good cop.

And the affair.

But mostly by being a good cop.

And being a good cop
isn't about hunches.

What did we say about shoes?

It's not a memorable
saying, sir.

This is good.

Build the case.

PHONE CHIMES

Details. Evidence.

CCTV.

Laces, Mallowan. Laces.

G... Laces. Yeah. Got it.

Erm, I... I just
got to go and...

Toilet.

The lads won't
believe you were here.

- AS CAESAR: - Crime
waits for no man.

Oh. That is clever.

HE LAUGHS

I can see why they put
you on the front desk.

Very kind of you to say so.

- Oh!
- Thank you.

Yeah! Yeah...

What are you doing here?
Oh, your beard's gone.

Good news. I've been doing some
digging around at Rees New Homes.

You can't be digging
around on your own.

If my boss finds out,
I could lose my job.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,
but look at this. Look.

A squirrel on a bird-feeder?

What? Oh, sorry.

No, that's the wrong
photo. Hang on.

There. There.

A wall. What am I missing?

Well, the tape at the bottom.

Carwyn was a neat freak.

He sacked an electrician
for an out-of-place socket,

yet he was fine with that?

So?

Well, it's so out of character.

This is a real breakthrough.

Absolutely no need to thank me,

but I've also
questioned Joyce Pugh.

You've done what?

- Yes. - No, she's...
- You've done what?

Sir! This is...

- Oh! I do own a telly, Mallowan.
- HE CHUCKLES

Mr Chapel.

Big fan of your work.

In fact, the wife's
always saying to me,

"Why can't you be
more like Caesar?"

It's... hurtful sometimes.

No, we're big fans.

I couldn't help
overhearing there -

you've been helping us with
the Carwyn Rees m*rder?

Just offering my expertise.

No, no, no. No, no,
he isn't. No. No.

Who's this Joyce Pugh, then?

She's one of the neighbours.

Chaudhry's looked into her, sir.

She called Carwyn the
day before the m*rder,

but she says she was just looking
to buy one of the Rees New Homes.

If you believe that, here, I've
got some magic beans to sell you.

JOHN LAUGHS

No!

Joyce Pugh would never
buy a Rees New Home.

You've only got to
look at her tea towels.

Sorry? Tea towels?

Traditional. Welsh.

A woman with those towels
would never buy a new build.

No, she's lying.

Oh... Well, we'll, uh, take
Joyce Pugh's tea towels

down to the Crown Prosecution
Service, then, shall we?

That should be enough to
convict her of m*rder.

- Sir, it's not what it looks like.
- Isn't it?

It looks like a member of my team
is discussing lines of inquiry

with Charles bloody Caesar!

Sorry. No offence. Like
I say, wife's a big fan.

He's the victim's neighbour.

He asked me to look
into something.

I didn't want to
bother you with it.

Look, I get enough
drama at home.

Here, I can control things
without kids and stress

and a pug who thinks my
chair is a flippin' toilet.

Don't ruin my safe space.

Great. Thanks very much.

What the hell are
you playing at?

Trying to help.

Do you think I want to
be here? You involved ME.

I didn't know you'd
try and get me sacked.

You can't solve this without me.

You don't have my insight.

Well, granted, you
have the potential...

- You arrogant sod!
- Arrogant?

Ha! I'm trying to make
you a better detective.

Help you understand people.
Understand yourself.

No! You're stroking your own ego

because you've finally found
something more exciting to do

than sitting around wallowing
and generally being such a pain

that nobody will talk
to you except for a cat!

Well, thanks, but, no thanks!

Go!

Is that him off the telly?

DOOR OPENS

Shorter in real life,
ain't he? DOOR SHUTS

What do you want, Chaudhry?

Yeah, uh, found
something on CCTV.

You're going to
want to see this.

We've checked your alibi.

You were on a school trip to
Dan yr Ogof Caves on Monday.

Actually, a pretty good day out.

Have they still got
that talking sheepdog?

Sorry. Not relevant.

How are the caves?

I stayed outside on my own.

I get claustrophobia.

Really? Must have been
a pain in the arse

when you were in
those tunnel protests.

No! You wanted to be alone

so you could drive
to Carwyn's house.

Uh, no.

Uh, yes.

I went for a drive,

but just to clear my head!

An environmentalist like
you burning petrol for fun?

I've got nothing to
add. I didn't k*ll him.

Thing about this job is that
it makes you notice things,

and one thing I've
noticed about you,

every time I mention Carwyn's
name, you change the subject.

- So?
- So it got me thinking.

I've been in your shoes.

I'm not normally one for
talking about myself.

I keep things
bottled up, like...

I don't know, what do
you keep in bottles?

I don't use single-use plastics.

Yeah, all right. Fizzy pop!

This case has brought a lot of
bad memories fizzing up for me.

Yeah. My best friend,
Sian, years ago, she died,

and now the pop is
f-fizzing and...

I'm... I'm going to
drop the pop analogy.

I don't like talking about Sian.

I always change the subject
because she meant a lot to me.

Now you've really lost me.

You don't like
talking about Carwyn.

You miss him.

You loved him.

You were having an
affair, weren't you?

SHE SIGHS

Yes.

For the tape, Miss
Evans is saying yes -

ie, I nailed it.

I thought you hated him!

I did!

But he was so powerful.

So sexy.

And he owned land.

He was like a king.

My Hywel Dda.

Carwyn wasn't going to leave
Danielle, so you k*lled him.

No!

I couldn't k*ll Carwyn.

You were right.

I loved him.

What do you want?

I thought I was a
wallowing pain in the a*s.

Don't be such a big drama queen.

I'm sorry, and I need your help.

There. I said it.

You don't have to look so
smug about it, John Chapel.

What a moving and
heartfelt apology.

We've had to let Alys go, which
means we're back to square one.

Nothing makes sense.

We need to get back
to what matters.

People. Motives. Character.

Well, Alys's story is
definitely out of character.

How so?

An environmentalist falling for
the man destroying the woods?

A straight-laced teacher
lying to the police?

- Very out of character.
- Oh, she was in love.

There's nothing more
in character in love

than acting out of character.

It would have been suspicious
if she'd acted IN character.

That would've been totally out
of character. Do you follow?

Not even slightly.

HE EXHALES

The most out-of-character thing
in this entire investigation

is the tape on the wall.

Carwyn lost it with
the electrician,

but not the decorator.

Why?

HE MUMBLES

Perhaps a cuppa'll help.

Got some nice teas in.

I thought you didn't drink tea!

Well, I thought in case
you popped by, you know?

Here you are. Don't
get too excited.

I saw them on offer online.

Very Caesar!

Lapsang Souchong.

Camomile. Green.

Redbush.

All the same to me.

HE LAUGHS

Yes, Chapel!

LID CLATTERS

- CERI: - This is Mel, my
assistant. She's just over here.

Thank you for coming.

I know what you're
all thinking -

the build quality is excellent.

How are the prices so low?

Are we mad?

No, we're just mad about
finding new forever homes.

This is so far from protocol,

it's in a different time zone.

So just stay in
the background, OK?

Yeah, 'course. Yeah.

Mrs Pugh! You were interested
in buying one of these houses.

That's why you and
Carwyn spoke on the phone

earlier in the week, wasn't it?

- Yes.
- No.

Those calls were him threatening
you, weren't they, Joyce?

He'd realised he was the
father of your granddaughter.

- WOMAN: - Isn't
that John Chapel?

- SOFTLY: - Ooh, we like him.

He was in that thing
with the thing.

I said stay in the background.

There are no background
artists in this.

We're all of us here
significant protagonists.

Now, it all started with
the decorator's tape.

I couldn't get my head around
why Carwyn hadn't noticed.

Could I get a selfie?

Yeah. 'Course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, landscape mode
is really better.

- OK.
- Yeah, yeah. That's it.

Yeah. All right? Yeah.

- All right? OK. - Thanks.
- Now, where was I? - Thank you.

Carwyn didn't see the
green tape on the red wall.

He saw the same colour,

but that's because he was
red-green colour-blind.

Just like Ava.

That's why she thought
my purple car was blue.

Carwyn had been close
to my son's wife.

When Ava was diagnosed
with the colour blindness,

they said it was
probably hereditary.

And your son wasn't
colour-blind,

and you didn't realise
that Carwyn was

until you saw him
at the optician's!

Ava's such a chatterbox.

I don't know where
she gets it from.

She wouldn't stop talking
about her magic eyes, love her,

so he goes and puts
two and two together...

..rings me up and tells me he
wants access to his daughter.

So you k*lled him?

Oh, no.

HE LAUGHS

No.

Joyce didn't k*ll him,

but she did set a
wheel in motion.

Family meant
everything to Carwyn.

Someone to pass on the
business and his estate to.

I mean, seriously, do
we have to do this now?

I mean, can we just get
this wrapped up quickly

and back to selling houses?

Who did k*ll Carwyn, then?

Oh, that's easy.

You did.

I was here.

It's not hard to
sneak out unnoticed.

You were wearing decorator's
overalls and a mask.

Everyone too busy to keep
track of who was where.

Why would I risk k*lling Carwyn?

What if Danielle saw me?

Oh, but she did...

FOOTSTEPS ASCENDING

..but then, she was
your accomplice.

Carwyn!

You and your lover, Ceri, cooked
the whole thing up together!

The truth is, you've been
sleeping together for months.

"A spa weekend
every other week!"

The dates of those spa
trips wouldn't happen

to coincide with Swansea City's
home matches, would they?

Why would we k*ll Carwyn?

Money.

Our guess is that Ceri
overheard Carwyn on the phone

to his solicitor.

They were due to meet
to change his will.

You and Ceri knew you
only had a little time

to stage his suicide.

You saw the ultimate revenge.

You could take
everything that was his.

Made a pretty believable
suicide motive.

The businessman
defrauding his company,

caught out by his
partner, ends it all.

You were clever,

but neither of you had thought
about Carwyn's true drives.

He would never
defraud his company.

He would be stealing from
his father, his family name.

Oh, you've got nothing here.

Actually, we've not got nothing.

Sorry, that's confusing.
I mean, we've got some...

We've... We've got a thing!

This always bugged me, but
I couldn't figure out why.

It's the way it was sent.

Signed-for delivery.

Nah, no book shop
sends books like that.

You sent it so that you
could be at the front door

when the postman came.

A perfect alibi.

That's your proof?

My solicitor will
laugh you out of court.

Maybe not,

when they see this CCTV footage

of you sending the package.

Oh, you were clever.

I had to check every post
office in a 30-mile radius.

Oh, don't look so annoyed.

You messed up, too.

We took your overalls
in for testing.

You'll never guess where
forensics linked them to.

I'll fill you in at the station.

SHE WHISPERS

PERSON APPLAUDS

Very good!

So is this going
to be on the telly?

MURMURING

Both of them are saying the
other one was the ringleader.

You can hardly shut them up now.

I thought you'd be pleased.

I am.

Tell your face.

All right, you know what?

Actually, I am a bit upset.

Not just because I now have
to tell the chief super

that we had a civilian
involved in our investigation,

but I've been trying to guide
you as an officer for years.

You don't have to be
jealous of John Chapel.

I'm so not jealous!

No, he helped me
a little bit here,

but, honestly, it was your guidance
that helped me crack the case.

You know, he had no evidence,

so I went to CCTV,
details, and I found some.

Even said to myself,

"Janie, don't walk without
your laces done up."

Really?



Oh.

Well, good work.

But see that this John Chapel
nonsense doesn't happen again.

You're a good detective.

You don't need fictional
detectives helping you.

And, erm...

..I'll have a think
about that DI position.

Maybe you are ready.

Hey!

You really said
that to yourself?

Yeah.

Well, now Danielle's
out of the picture,

everything goes to
the next of kin.

Looks like Joyce Pugh might be
able to buy some new tea towels

now her granddaughter's
a millionaire.

She's probably more relieved
that this is all over,

and she didn't have to
k*ll Carwyn as planned.

What?

Didn't you get that, Janie?

Caesar just called me Janie.

It's not a dream.



Oh, for goodness'
sake, leave off!

The dug-up foxgloves.

A poisoned tea for the
lunch in Carwyn's diary.

She was going to do
it that afternoon!

Very Agatha Christie.

Traditional. Like her tea towel.

No, she had to k*ll him
to keep her granddaughter

and the memory of her son.

John Chapel, we
make a good team.

Of sorts. Yeah.

I'm the inspiration,

you're the perspiration.

Are you calling me sweat?

It was a compliment.

No, you're a hard worker.

You're very diligent.
It's... It's impressive.

Now, why don't we move on to
why you're really here? Hmm?

I presume you're
stuck on a case.

Oh, great. I'm
sweat and I'm thick.

I am actually capable
of solving crimes

without your help. We're done.

All right. Fine.

There's been a weird
spate of local burglaries,

and someone keeps leaving
dead birds at the scene.

Proper head-scratcher.

I need your help. And don't
look so smug about it.

Wasn't so hard, was it?

You're an annoying
sod, John Chapel.

Takes one to know one.

I'm not annoying.

Well, no, not annoying.

- More scintillatingly irritating.
- Scintillatingly...