01x11 - Potions Eleven

[bunniefuu]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[♪ music fades]

[rumbling echo]

[♪ epic music playing]

Okay, I think we can all agree
magic was used today.

You were just supposed to make
a free throw to pass gym class,

but you had to show off,
didn't you?

[scoffs] Nobody ever accuses
LeBron of showing off.

Are you comparing yourself
to LeBron James?

I'm not, but I did hear it

tossed around
the locker room after class.

You know what you did wrong.
I know what you did wrong.

Let's just skip to the part
where I punish you.

Uh, you know,
since we're skipping things,

how about we just skip
to the part

where the punishment's over?

I've told you a thousand times,
don't use magic irresponsibly.

-[sighs]
-You're both grounded.

No devices, no TV, no friends.

Alone in your rooms
the whole weekend.

Weekend?

That seems fair.

That's not fair at all.

So you've never
used magic irresponsibly?

Nope, never.

Come on, are you seriously
saying that--

Billie! The man's offering us
a weekend.

With good behavior,
we'll be out by Sunday at noon.

-Take the deal.
-[sighs]

-But it's just...
-Thanks, Dad.

We're gonna go home and reflect

on the consequences
of our actions.

That was some stern,
yet fair parenting.

Well done, man.

Thanks, buddy. Still grounded.

Roman, why did you cave?

He's all over us for something
he's definitely done too.

Trust me,

every wizard has used magic
irresponsibly at least once.

He probably did,
but there's no way to prove it.

He's the parent, we're the kids.
You can't change the system.

Oh, Roman, you know
what happens

when you tell me
I can't do something.

Now I gotta change the system.
This is on you.

[♪ theme song playing]

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have
what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

[gasps] That's it!

Hey, Roman,
I have to tell you something.

[Roman]
Are you out of your room?

We're not supposed to be
out of our rooms!

But nobody's up here.
Open the door.

[Roman] Stop trying to make me
an accessory!

[groans]

Fine, I'm back in my room.

Hey, Billie, what's up?

Remember how you said
there was no way

we could prove your dad
was irresponsible with magic?

Well, I spent hours
studying ancient texts,

and I found a way.

So you turned yourself
into a mop to avoid homework,

but you'll study on Saturday
out of spite?

I'm a complicated woman, Roman.

Come on, are you in or not?

I don't know. I mean,
what if my dad finds out?

He'll ground us next weekend.
[scoffs] What, you got plans?

You know I don't. Let's do this.

[sighs] Okay, shirt is ironed,
deodorant's on.

I'm gonna crush
this presentation today.

Is there anything in my teeth?

Just a lot
of well-flossed spaces.

Love my water flosser.
If this house caught on fire,

that would be the first thing
I save.

Thanks.

Hey, you can save yourself.
Flossie's helpless.

The school board's coming today,
and if I don't wow them,

they'll stop funding
our STEM electives.

Students love those classes.

It'd be terrible
if they got cut.

Well, that's not gonna happen,
okay?

Because you're charming,
you're convincing,

and you've got a swag
that I don't understand,

but I can't say no to.

Thanks, babe.

So, uh,
what are you up to today?

Well, Milo's at a play date,
Roman and Billie are grounded,

and I'm gonna do something
I've been waiting to do

for a long time.

[inhales deeply]
Absolutely nothing.

-[laughs]
-[phone chimes]

Oh. That's interesting.
Just got a text from Alex.

I guess the wizard
who replaced me

after I got fired from WizTech

just got promoted
to the tribunal.

[laughs] How great.

You okay?

Of course.
I'm happy for Alistair.

He's a great guy,
and we're both doing great.

He's on the tribunal.
I'm going to work on a Saturday.

How great is that?

You know, it's just great,
great, great. [chuckles]

Honey, it's too many greats.

Honestly, it's fine.
He's the better wizard.

During the unicorn incident,
I choked, and he didn't.

So... [inhales deeply]
he deserves it.

Well, just try not to think
about that, okay?

Go down to the school
and crush it.

[exhales] Yes, absolutely.
All right. Crush it.

Oh, okay. Crush it.

Come on. [mutters]

[sighs] Crushing it.

[Billie] If we're gonna prove
your dad

was irresponsible with magic,
I have to get a few things.

First up, the potion calls
for a sliver of body.

[Roman] You cut off part
of my father's body?

[Billie]
Relax, it was just his toenails.

Next, a piece of mind.

That meant getting something
that contained

all his hopes and dreams.
His unpublished memoir.

[Roman] You took
The Principal's Principles?

That's the only thing
that cures my mom's insomnia.

And finally,
his most prized possession.

-His water flosser?
-His water flosser.

Now, all we have to do
is mix this together

and the potion
will be complete.

[bubbling]

Eh.

[exhales]

Items in, here we go.

Show us the mind
of the one we know.

So how does this work?

Uh, do his memories
appear in the smoke?

Do they float like a hologram?

Please tell me
we're not gonna drink it.

-We're not going to drink it.
-Okay. Good.

-We're gonna jump in it.
-Wait, what?

[♪ whimsical music playing]

Where are we?

[chuckles]
We're inside your dad's mind.

No way.

A Waverly Sub Station sandwich,
a Calico Woman action figure,

a twelve-ball paddle.

And who else would have
a vacuum cleaner hall of fame?

Okay, we are in my dad's mind.

[♪ upbeat music plays, fades]

There's nothing better

than watching amateur bakers
fool celebrities

with cakes that look like
real-world objects.

Oh, come on, JoJo Siwa.
It's obviously cake.

[door opens]

Hey, Mrs. Russo.

Winter, I thought
that door was locked.

It was. I used my key.

You mean the key we hide
in the fake rock outside?

Yeah, my key.

Uh, sorry, but Billie and Roman
are grounded, so...

you mind locking the door
on your way out?

Oh, I can't go home.

My dad got called into work,
and my mom was super excited

to have the day to herself.

[laughs sarcastically]
Well, I hope she's enjoying it.

Ooh, Batter Get It Right.
I love this show!

[sighs]

Billie and Roman never want
to watch it with me.

[clicks tongue]
Same with Justin.

He tried to downgrade
our cable subscription

so we wouldn't get the channel.

Oh, come on, JoJo Siwa.
It's obviously cake!

You can stay.

Okay, the school board
will be here soon.

Today has to go perfectly
if we're to save our STEM electives.

Oh, I know the stakes, sir.

I canceled two doctor's appointments
to be here.

Two? Are you okay?

I don't know.
I canceled the appointments.

Now, tell me your vision.

Okay, I'll start with the tour,

then I'll blow their mind
with a science demonstration.

Now, where are those buttons
I asked you to make?

Right here.

They printed everything you said
on there, word for word.

[chuckles] Marcus.

"Hey, Marcus, on the buttons,

I want it to say, 'I love STEM.'

Got it? Are you writing
this down?

Everything I said
on the buttons. Thanks."

[chuckles]

I was worried
it wouldn't all fit,

but I paid the guy double.

[chuckles] Okay,
so no buttons.

But hey, we got this.

Oh!

Yeah, sir, we got this.

[grunts]

-Why did you do that?
-Because you did.

-But I didn't mean to.
-Then why did you?

I don't know.

[grunting]

D-- Don't-- Don't--
Don't press that.

We don't know
what any of those do.

Yeah, but one of these buttons
must play his memories.

Also, it's fun.

[grunts] What is happening
to me?

Want me to call a doctor?

I know two who just had
last-minute cancellations.

[♪ upbeat music plays]

I can't believe we're inside
my dad's mind.

I mean, should we take off
our shoes?

Man, just help me figure out
where he keeps his memories.

-[buttons honking]
-I don't know.

Billie, this is a big invasion
of my dad's privacy.

Well, look at it this way.

If your dad didn't misuse magic
when he was our age,

we deserve to be grounded.
But if he did...

Then we've been wronged!

That's right.

And sometimes, the only way
to prove you're right

is to do something wrong. Right?

I don't know
what scares me more,

getting caught
or agreeing with you.

Sir, are you okay?

[Justin shouts]
Does it look like I'm okay?

It's like someone else
is in control of my body!

[gasping]

Yeah, these buttons
don't do anything.

Maybe no one will notice
I'm acting weird.

Way ahead of you, sir.

I'll just tell them
they're upside down.

[pants] I don't understand
why this is happening.

I was so ready for today.
I ironed. I put on deodorant.

I found out that the guy
that got my job after I was fired

got a huge promotion.

-I flossed, I--
-That's it.

You think it was the floss.

Maybe you're thinking
about how you got fired.

I know I always do.

How many times
have you been fired?

-Oh, uh...
-Don't answer that.

Listen, I-- Whoa! [grunts]

Why is this happening?

[pants] I can't give
the presentation like this.

You're gonna have to because
the school board's here.

Don't worry,
I'll make it less weird.

[panting]

Tell me again how
this is less weird?

Oh! Come on, Omar,

you can't fool Judge Judy
with a gavel

made of buttercream.

You're guilty of being
a terrible baker.

[chuckles] We could do better
than these bakers.

We should do better
than these bakers.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Oh, yeah.
We hop a red-eye to Paris,

we enroll in the world's
most prestigious baking academy,

then spend the next few years
cutting our teeth

on the pastry line at the Ritz.

Yeah, no, we weren't thinking
the same thing at all.

I was gonna say we should try
to make our own cake.

I like your idea better.

I can't go to Paris anyway.
I have to be home by four.

Members of the school board,
thank you for taking the time

to listen to my presentation.

[shouting] Your support
is the rocket that will launch...

[whispering] ...Greenwald Middle's
STEM program to the stars!

This looks like a volume knob,
but for what?

[chuckles]

[shouting] I don't know why...

[whispers]
...I'm yelling right now.

Marcus, can I speak to you
for a second?

I don't want these people
to think...

[loudly] ...I'm losing my mind!

I don't get it.
Nothing in here works.

Where are the memories?

[sighs] This is my dad
we're talking about.

He would never leave
his memories

just sitting somewhere
easy to find.

He would hide them away
in the deepest,

-darkest recesses of his...
-[door opens]

Found it!

Of course your dad
keeps his memories on DVD.

"A Magic Moment."

That's gotta be it.

Oh, no.

Turn it off.
Turn it off!

My eyes!

[timer dings]

[gasps]
If we did this just right,

and I think we did,
our cake is gonna look like

-a laptop fresh out of the oven.
-Ooh!

Oh! [coughs]

-Ooh.
-[coughs]

On the bright side,
that is what a laptop

would look like fresh out
of the oven.

[scoffs] It's so much easier
when I'm sitting on my couch

judging the people on TV.

We're not giving up.
We need to go big or go home.

I am home.

Then there's only one option.

[♪ electronic music playing
over video]

Wow. That... was...
embarrassing.

Well, at least
he wasn't kissing it.

Man, we've watched a ton
of these

and still haven't found one

of your dad
using magic irresponsibly.

Maybe he told us the truth.

No way. We are staying here
until we prove him wrong.

[device beeps]

-Tomunan Kinesis.
-[energy humming]

[exhales heavily]

[umpire] Strike three!
You're out!

[audience cheering over video]

I knew it. I knew Justin
misused magic

when he was our age.
We're about to be ungrounded.

Let's get out of here.

What? No, we can't leave.

My dad said he never
misused magic,

and he obviously did.
What else isn't he telling me?

"Unicorn Incident,
Do Not Watch."

Oh, well, we are definitely
watching that.

How bad does a memory
have to be

to tell yourself
not to watch it?

Clearly,
you have never walked in

on your grandma in the shower.

[♪ upbeat music plays, fades]

Marcus, is there any chance
this is all in my head

and my presentation
is going great?

[sighs] After my job interview,

I promised myself I wouldn't
lie to you... anymore.

You lied in your interview?

Well, I didn't,
but my resume did.

[sighs] This is the unicorn incident
all over again.

-The what?
-Uh, uh... [hesitates]

It's just a nickname for
a really bad day that I had.

You've had one worse than this?

[sighs] Maybe hearing
that Alistair made the tribunal

bothered me more than I thought.

I know what to do.
Do you trust me?

After the resume thing,
not really.

I guarantee this exercise
will clear your mind.

All you have to do
is turn around and fall.

I will catch you.

[thud]

Ow! [groans]

You said you were
gonna catch me! [groans]

Now all I can think about
is how much my butt hurts.

All I can think about is
how much my butt hurts!

Then my job here is done.

No, no, no, wait! We still have
a ton of work to do! Come on!

[groans]

I finished
all the graduation prep,

Headmaster Russo.

[device beeps]

Who's that guy?

That's Alistair Goodspeed.

He's the headmaster of WizTech.

Yeah, he took over
after your dad got fired.

I know I went a little big
this year, but the students,

they've been working so hard.

I want this to be
a graduation ceremony

that they'll never forget.

It certainly will be memorable.

After you see
what I have planned.

-What's that?
-I didn't say anything.

[fireworks whistling, crackling]

[crowd cheering]

Why are the fireworks starting?

Someone must have
set them off early.

[marching band playing]

Oh no, the marching band.
They think that's their cue.

They're going to spook
the...

-[unicorns neighing]
-...unicorns!

They're stampeding right
towards the students!

-[students screaming]
-I have to protect them.

Hand me my wand.

I'll cast a protection spell.

[static crackles]

You've got this,
Headmaster Russo.

Projectus, protectus.

[wand sputters]

What happened?
Projectus, protectus.

It's not working.

Allow me.

Projectus, protectus.

-[unicorns neighing]
-[sighs]

I don't understand
what happened.

How could I mess up so badly?

It was an honest mistake.

They can't fire you
for an honest mistake.

I can't believe they fired you
for an honest mistake.

I can. The unicorns trampled
the band.

The drummer almost lost an eye,

and he's a cyclops, so,
you know, he's only got the one.

It was my duty to keep
those students safe,

and I failed.
If you hadn't have stepped in

and saved the day,

I don't know what
would have happened.

I just feel bad taking your job.

Don't. If there has to be
a new headmaster,

I'm happy it's you, Alistair.

Should have happened years ago.

-What's that?
-I didn't say anything.

Really sounds like
you're saying something.

That was brutal.

Man, your dad would
never mess up a spell like that.

Something's not right.

Hand me my wand.
I'll cast a protection spell.

[static crackles]

There. See?

Alistair's by the table,
and then all of a sudden

he's next to Justin?

It's like there's
a piece missing.

[sighs] Conceal-o, reveal-o!

Hand me my wand.
I'll cast a protection spell.

-[♪ tense music playing]
-Alistair, are you hexing my wand?

Really wish
you hadn't seen that.

Now I have to make sure
you never remember it.

Cerebellum Erasus!

[♪ ominous music playing]

You've got this,
Headmaster Russo.

[device beeps]

That's why Justin's spell
didn't work.

His wand was hexed.

He was framed.

Really wish
you hadn't seen that.

[♪ suspenseful music plays]

[Billie] Headmaster Goodspeed?

What are you doing
in Justin's mind?

What are you doing
in Justin's mind?

We asked you first.

When you restored that memory,
you triggered an alert.

I'm here to make sure Justin
never learns the truth.

Why'd you frame my dad?

I should have been headmaster,
not him.

He wasn't the family wizard.

He wasn't even supposed
to have powers.

I just exposed him
for the fraud he was.

He's not a fraud.

-Well, he did lie.
-Not now, Billie!

I'm not letting you
get away with this.

What are you gonna do about it?

Billie is not letting you
get away with this.

Without your continued funding,
students will miss out

on cutting-edge
science experiments like this.

Marcus, hand me
the trilithium phosphate

and the selenium carbonate

[chuckles]

[whispers]
The red one and the blue one.

I'm going to rebury
that memory.

Justin will never know
the truth.

But first, I'm going
to destroy you.

Everyone can hear you.

Now, the dictionary isn't
the only place

that safety comes
before science.

[both laugh]

Which is why I'm gonna mix
these chemicals very slowly,

very carefully. Okay?

-[♪ tense music playing]
-[wand humming]

Hey, cover me!

-With what?
-Uh-- Be creative!

[grumbles]

[magic zapping]

Take that! [grunts]

Ow! Ow, that really hurts!

Uh, Billie?
What are you waiting for?

Aah!

Sir, I love a dramatic pause,
but you're losing them.

I'm done playing games.

Roman, open a case.

I really hope this works
on more than just baseballs.

Tomunan Kinesis!

[screams]

Did you get him?

Yeah, I think I got him.

Here, I'll send this to Alex.
She'll know what to do with it.

Uh, what's gonna happen now?

Is my dad just gonna
remember everything?

[gasps]

I was framed!

[beakers shatter]

[chemicals bubbling]

Uh-oh.

[♪ upbeat music plays, fades]

See? I told you we could do it.
The key was never giving up.

Even after the fire department
asked us to. Twice.

And now's the final test.

Put it somewhere and see
if anybody notices it's cake.

I'll go get the Bianchis' cart
so we can put it in place.

The Bianchis are out of town.

I'll use my key.

-[Justin sighs]
-How'd it go?

Ah, I'm guessing not well.

-Actually, it was incredible.
-Really?

Yeah. I'm not sure if it was
the fall or the expl*si*n,

but the most amazing thing
happened.

Wha-- You were in an expl*si*n?

That's why the school board
decided

to keep the STEM program.

They said that I was proof
that more science education

was needed in schools.

Well, I'm just glad you're okay.

[scoffs] I'm better than okay.

You remember
the unicorn incident?

Yeah, the reason you got
fir-- let go from WizTech.

That's the one.

Out of nowhere,
I remembered something!

It wasn't my fault.
Alistair Goodspeed framed me.

[gasps] Honey, you're kidding.
This is huge.

Yeah. I spent the last 15 years
thinking I messed up.

That when people needed me,
I let them down.

[scoffs] I gave up being
a wizard because of it.

And now, now it's like
this huge weight

has just been lifted off
of my shoulders. [sighs]

So you never should
have been fired from WizTech.

-Yeah, exactly!
-[sighs]

But if you hadn't been fired,
we never would have met.

Yeah. Exactly.

We wouldn't have
this amazing life

with Roman, Milo, and Billie.

[chuckles]

-Want to hear something crazy?
-Hmm?

I think getting fired
from WizTech

was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Well, I know it was
the best thing

to ever happen to me.
[chuckles]

I love you,

but can we save the hug
for after you've showered?

It's a good call.

I have to warn Alex
about Alistair.

He shouldn't be anywhere
near that tribunal.

[sighs] Okay.

We just have to get
back upstairs before anybody...

-What are you two doing out of your room?
-...catches us.

You're supposed to be grounded.

Yeah. [inhales deeply]

-About that...
-Uh, sorry, Justin.

We're headed back upstairs.

-Why are we headed back upstairs?
-I'll tell you upstairs.

[sighs]

Why didn't you tell him
about the baseball game?

That was the whole reason
we went into his head.

Well, just because
he misused magic

doesn't mean it's okay
that we did.

Besides, we unlocked
that memory.

Now he knows
the biggest mistake of his life

wasn't his fault.
Let him have this.

So, are you telling me
you're done misusing magic?

No.

I'm just done getting caught.

[♪ upbeat music plays, fades]

Winter told me she
and Giada made a cake.

If I were that cake,
where would I be?

[gasps] There it is.

[chuckles]

Yeah, I know you're fruit salad,
but I'mma pretend you're cake.

[sighs]

[squelching]

[yelps]

Huh, found the cake.

[♪ upbeat music playing]