01x01 - Meet The Smashenburns

[bunniefuu]

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did you ever wonder what happens after

the game ends sh**t I'm late for dinner

welcome to the other side

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welcome race fans it's a beautiful day

here down at the

Raceway and they're

off M bur jumps to an early LAN

McIntyre edges up trying to cut in on

Smash and Burn's left corner McIntyre

tries to pass McIntyre bumps will smash

control to win the

race NOP not

today are you okay oh yeah it's just

nice to be out of the

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house RI

Dam I wanted to talk to you about this

side hedge city code says 6

ft you know it's obstructing my

visibility when I'm backing the wagon

out and it's making us a lot more

vulnerable to sneak attacks that's kind

of freaking out dark

princess hey rip hey dark princess how

are you

exhausted the baby was up all

night I love Billy trim the head ha

sh sorry rip honey the Kung Fu monks are

fighting again I know babe yo what are

you up with you daddy why does our son

sound like that Billy honey when you

speak it confuses your father Rael

didn't we talk about leaving laser

cannons around the house didn't you say

you were going to fix the oven so I

could defrost the turkey can we eat or

do you want me to be anorexic like those

anime B baset

cases

fine

dinden what's he doing now Billy's

friends page him with up to the minute

fashion trends well it just looks like

he's taking his pants off to me yo I can

see is Johnson Billy Daddy can see your

Johnson what's with him why has he been

acting so weird recently it's a

confusing

time he doesn't know whether to hang out

with the jocks the nerds or the evil

monkeys from Donkey Kong talk with him

rip so Billy how's the game assignment

process going still want to be a race

car driver like your old man H you're

real I either want to be a doom Soldier

or one of those guys in the medieval

District who eat squab all day you know

Billy your father rides daily in the

Grand Prix a lot of people find that

pretty glamorous yeah when's the last

time you did a full appp without blowing

up

October AG hello Dr Zed right I

understand rip you don't mind taking the

kids to the mall yourself do you that

was my boss we've got to lead on the

emerald monkey I can't that wait till

right before we make love like it

usually does inside I'm vomiting hey

that's what I should call my

autobiography oh by the way they need

back to school club

hi where did the summer go mom I told

you I can't go with Dad honey honey now

then I'm back at work fulltime we all

have to be a little more flexible I need

you at the

mall I'll be back by

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10 I love you

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how long's this whole shopping thing

going to take not long for math I need a

Robin Hood hat a buck skin belt an iPod

and and a skateboard okay no what do you

need Alice I don't need anything great

let's hit the food court we just ate

dinner corn dogs it

is what is this Vice City

go for agent smash and burn hi Mom hi

honey I can't hear you neither get the

farting story

moners tell me about

it so is Dad getting everything you need

need I need you to come to the mall

right now Alice I have to grab the

tablet make my way back to the Labyrinth

and bag some mommy loot okay um those

natives have a right to their cultural

heritage okay Alice I'm losing

you mom mom mom

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W well I guess you can't have too many

corn

dogs Alice last chance you uh really

don't need

anything okay you really want to know I

need to buy my first bra

dad oh

jease how about this little

number it's uh it's great it's great

isn't that Alice yeah and she's BR

shopping with her dad Alice is BR

shopping with her dad that Alice is BR

shopping with her

dad Alice is BR shopping with her dad

whoops maybe you should do this another

time with your mother but I'm going on a

date with Chad tomorrow so so it's my

first date ever actually no it's not

princess because any date that you need

new underwear for is not a date you're

going on

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for

Cal I was just having the strangest

dream not this time

wa I'm a little late

sorry po Cal I'm a simple man I drive in

circles all day that is when I'm not

catching on fire when I come home all I

want is a cup of tea but instead you

know what I get yummy turkey no kicked

in the face by our passive aggressive

shol and monk neighbors mysterious

utterances from a boy claiming to be my

son Billy a wife obsessed with finding a

Golden Monkey Emerald babe the gold

one's over

there and a daughter who needed a bra

and no Mom to buy it with a she told me

she needed me I feel so guilty maybe

going back to work full-time is a

mistake this family made perfect sense

until Alice turned 13 and then what does

Billy do he goes and turns 13 it's going

to be okay we just need something to

bond

over got it a pet it'll bring the whole

family closer give us something we can

all do together and you don't need a bra

to love a pet and it'll die before it

turns 13 I hate pets I hate them more

too

badk yes Doctor Z the thing is I'm kind

of in the middle of a family baing on us

again quote unquote Mom I'm not bailing

it's just that they have a very solid

lead on the emerald monkey crap I'll

take your minivan it'll be easier to

hold the pet in it'll be fine we I'll

Bond later hor nut where's

nut oh this one's purring at me look

over here at this furry fella this one

loves me that is the cutest pet in the

world

ever I hate it and me and you I'm Billy

I'm your new

Papa oh I can't help it I want to lick

his face off wow this pet trick is

actually working what do you kids think

we should name him I've always liked to

name Nike or stay with me Peterson's

down home clam dip I want to name him

after Grandpa Thomas

Thomas let me tell you something about

Thomas he's a kleptomaniac he's also a

she and lactose intolerant and in a

KKK I'm turbo

Turbo you're pushing 300 lb I've got a

thyroid condition

sir why is that funny step into this

cage and I'll be pushing your head

through the concrete

so when do we sign the

papers we've uh found our pet thanks he

had sex with the green one this morning

he did things unchristian things I don't

like you Turbo Kids let's bring the car

around we're getting Thomas yay

Thomas oh my oh that's the

radio what us up here h

huh don't you drive cars for a living

Dad shut up uh not that one it's so

obvious look it's the jerk pet

we're not taking you you don't have to

I'm I'm just a pet and a witness with a

camera say cheese

a-hole

shotgun good news everybody we got a

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pet as promised the pet is bringing the

smash and burns back together

hey Sam feel free to get off my car

anytime you know according to city code

A Pet's not allowed outside without a

leash that is why we keep ours on a

tight

leash

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help sweet one more and I get a free

sub oh damn it bil's home

early I think we need another baking

soda in here that was the first day of

school damn I knew I was supposed to do

something

today I know you digging my shades all

the coolest people are wearing them did

you just say you didn't go to school

which one of you lucky sons of bees is

taking turbo for a walk I'll get this

one go walk

turbo put your hand in your pocket and

stick out a finger you'll go

far jeez thanks turbo I always wanted a

fur coat uh-huh you want to pick up the

pace a little a

spy mom tomorrow I'll be at school late

um I want to check out the clubs okay

sounds good and I'll probably just go

straight from there to my date with Chad

okay see you Alice your dad said no

he wouldn't have if you kept your word

and been at the mall when you were

supposed to be that's not fair Alice not

fair to whom nice use of whom

honey that is

superb hi

soapie I'm sorry Chad but my my parents

don't trust me yeah I'll see you

tomorrow hey girl what's the alarm code

1 2 three

4 I know you're feeling sad huh you want

a cigar yeah why

not I can break a

20 Turbo what do you do when someone's

getting in your way I kick them in a

crotch then when they Keel over I knead

them in the face

this is assuming you don't have a broken

bottle right that's pretty brutal well

it gets their attention and that's what

counts you're going to smoke that cernus

nah that a

girl another awesome laugh for rip smash

and burn who going into the final lap is

actually could it be in the lead come on

baby come on baby one more lap

[Applause]

pull over well I've never seen this

before pull over

[Applause]

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now what are you doing I'm in the middle

of a race you want to Pop the trunk what

I said pop it my friend Bingo book them

yeah yeah woohoo

ow what do we want no desecration of the

sac burial places of indigenous

inhabitance when do we want it

no every day I go into booby trap runes

looking for stuff like

this but nothing compares to the horror

of walking out of a pyramid and seeing

your own daughter picking you it was

humiliating well I wish I'd known I

could have been more sympathetic from

jail it's a disaster I know this pet was

supposed to bring us closer together but

I say we cut our losses and get back to

the crappy old days I'll take out turbo

smashing Burns don't k*ll pets you blew

up a whole building of on purpose Smash

and burns don't k*ll pets on purpose we

we need to get rid of him we'll

compromise so you guys are night picnic

people I can't remember the last time

the four of us went anywhere together

what are you talking about we come here

all the time this place is super fun who

wants ice cream I do me too sounds good

to

me guys I don't mean to break ba*ls but

there's nothing in a picnic basket dad

what the hell is going

on kids your mother and I have a

confession I'm not g*y we know that

honey and actually you would have to

tell us that for it to be a confession

oh kids turbo has outgrown City Life the

thing is we all love having turbo don't

we he's the best

but we can't be

selfish does not like other pets he

deserves to live free in his natural

habitat away from the things of

man natural habitat a crackhead I've

never been here before in my life think

fast fatty Chum

damn see his friends have all come to

Freedom welcome help buddy I'm so sick

of you guys you trust Turbo defend for

himself in this toxic waste dump but you

won't trust me enough to go out with

Chad I envy you

turbo I'm like a monkey I'm like a

monkey I'm a regular monkey mom do you

trust me or not we do trust you Alice we

do it's just hard for us to see you

becoming a young woman it's all

happening so quickly just because I want

a nice bra doesn't mean Chad is going to

see it

promise cuz I'll run his a*s over

promise cuz I'll run his a*s over I hurt

you you did

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yeah come on let's

go what about turbo where leaving turbo

here away from the things of man

remember turbo here no I know he's lazy

and he steals stuff and he has a

drinking problem but he's not really

house train yet and and that'll be my

job okay Dad I don't know Billy that

thing's been nothing but trouble little

help little

help all right all right honey are you

okay with

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this I'll go get

[Applause]

him a y

turbo worst picnic

ever so I'm surrounded by all those

scrabs and slogs it seemed like all was

lost then I had an idea use their

strengths against

them hey hey hey hey

dance go turbo it's your birthday it's

your

birthday Turbo

really are terrific parents yeah

baby in a funny way that pet did bring

us all closer

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together monkey has been spotted

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s

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