02x07 - Acme Cable TV

[bunniefuu]

We're tiny, we're toony We're all a

little loony And in this cartoony, we're

invading your TV We're comic

dispensors, we cut them all dispensors

Our tiny toon adventures get a dose of

comedy So here's rest the acres, it's a

whole wide world apart Our homes, we only

stand alone A cartoon worth of art Less

rest, we're rejected Expect the unexpected

They're just about to start They're free,

they're funny They're fast and busted

funny Much hannah matches money And my

wreck is a pain He's hattin' and plucky

Dizzy, devil, yucky Purr Paul's a

ducky And Go-Go is insane At SP

University, we earn our two degrees Let's

let you kick cash, I'm getting laughs In



we're all a little loony It's tiny June

adventures, come and join the fun

Hi there, tunes, sirs. Batsy and I had a

great show lined up before we came down

with the Taiwan flu. Now we sneeze

with an accent. Achoo!

So we're gonna take it easy today and

check out the box. Come on and join us.

My folks just got Akbi cable.



viewer-pleasing mind run.

Relax, enjoy. We'll try not to breathe

on you.

Sorry.

It's the Babsy and Buzz Schwickle show.

Oh, as time you recall, things were

looking pretty grim for our heroes.

Papsy and Buswinkle have been tricked

aboard Montana Molotov's nuclear sub...

...when they were strapped onto a Polaris

m*ssile and launched toward the Bay of

Pigs.

Pokey jokes, Buswinkle! With dated

'60s references like this, we won't have

much of a life in reruns!Don't worry. If

this m*ssile explodes, you won't have

much of a life, period. How can you crack

jokes at a time like this?We gotta do

something to eat up enough time. We don't

have enough money for animation. I think

there are too many inside gags on this

show. Well, if you can't be funny, be

confusing. And

confusing is certainly the word for this

show. Tune in next time for... m*ssile

While You Work or...

Boom With a View!

Like, yuck and gross!

What's wrong, Shell?Poo! Poo! Poo!

I'm totally sick of this dull, grody

granola every day! Mondo

Dragola of the world!

If it's something tasty you like to eat,

then do it like me and use your feet.

I follow my toes. It smells kind of

gross, like something dead, starting to

decompose.

Ah, there it is. Yummy Footloop

cereal in four pre-sweetened flavors.

Bunions, corns, calluses, and

new toenails.

Like anyone got a stomach pump?

If you want yummy foot loops, follow my

toes.

Watch out in the kind of a low cover

Liftery my bulky cover

And now your host, Walt Dizzy.

Tonight, we present another heartwarming

nature tale, The Cat Who Thought He Was

Hammerhead Shark. Now,

it's a well-known fact that the common

house cat and the hammerhead shark are

natural enemies in the wild.

Still, when this rambunctious youngin'

fell out of Mr. Stork's sack...

Ohh.. Old mawshark didn't have the heart

to, well, gobble him down.

As the years passed, the little feller

grew to love his watery life.

But sooner or later, all little

predators have to strike out on theirown.

And hunt for themselves.

Stay tuned for the world's smartest dog,

Flassie.

Over the river and through the woods to

grandmother's house we go.

Help!

Make haste, mistress. A boy is in

imminent danger of plummeting to certain

doom. We can effect a rescue if we act

quickly. A

hiker is hanging from Dead Man's Peak.

Call the rangers, okay?

Don't you speak the king's English!

Someone is in trouble!

That's the world's smartest dog, and the

world's dumbest dog owner, on Flassy.

Heavy in the morning, Heavy in the

evening, Heavy all the time If you

watch enough TV, your friend

Come listen to my story of Montana

Max, a billionaire brat wiped out by

income tax. Uncle Sam come around and

out to repossess, and Monty lost it

all onto the IRS. It

foreclosed, that is. Chapter 11,

second sidewalk. Well,

the next thing you know, Oh, Monty's on

the street His ex-friend said, Hey,

Movin' Jack Dean! Said, The great

outdoors is the place you oughta talk So

they live in Ant and Rocket and send 'em

to the swamp

Possum Swamp, that is.

Marsupials, carnivores,

inbred. Montana Max

is the Possum Swamp pauper.

Now it's time to say so long from Banjo

and my brood We'd love to visit with you

but we're plump out of food You're all

invited back for each next time you're

out our way Our kettle's always open all

to live longY'all come

back now, you hear?

One of these nine stars is today's

secret tune. Could it be

Boster Bunny, Lucky

Duck, Shirley the Loon

Hampton JPg, Furball,

Byron Bassett, Go-Go

Dodo, Dizzy Devil,

Or Fab's Bunny!

All in the Toonie Wood Squares!

And now, here's the master of the Toonie

Wood Squares, Blink Winkleman!

Well, hi, fun lovers! Hi,

toons! Hi, girl!

Hey! You look like a jerk! Whoa!well

Thank you! And now, let's meet our

contestants. He's a boy billionaire and

president of the S*ddam Hussein Fan Club.

Meet Ma...Antana Mags! Knock

it off! No good lazy couch potatoes.

Get a job! She's an animal

lover with the smarts and a speed bump,

the relatively unpopular

Elmira! I will take the

cute blue bunny for the block break.

I'm sure you will. I really hate my life.

Now you all know how to play the game.

You need to get three squares either

across, up and down, or diagonally to win

the game, and X starts the game Bonzy.

I'll take a stupid-looking bird with the

umbrella. Go-go-do-do! Lynn,

I'd like to plug my new book. Well, Heck,

go right ahead. It's light reading.

Okay, settle down, Gogo. Here's your

question. Is exploding dynamite permitted

in TV cartoons today?Absent-positively.

Gogo says yes. Monty?

I disagree.

Oh, I'm sorry, Monty. Gogo was telling

the truth. Dynamite is allowed in TV

cartoons today.

At least in this TV cartoon. Circle gets

the square. Elmira,

your turn. I'll take the blue bunny when

you do lavender spindle and to

mutilate. And to block blank.

Hey, Buster, what's the difference

between mayonnaise and Elmira's brain?

Mayonnaise tastes better on sandwiches.

Nah. The difference between mayonnaise

and Elmira's brain. The mayonnaise has a

higher IQ?I

agree. Correct.

Mayonnaise has an IQ of one, and Elmira

has no suitable IQ. Very good.

Sir will get the square. Back to Monty.

Ohh I'll take the goofy-looking hound.

Byron Bassett.

And Byron Bassett. is today's secret

tune. Get this answer right, Monty. And

here. Here's what you'll win. An

all-expense paid trip to the French

Riviera on your new Acme

Jumbo Jet, filled with a bonus cash

prize of $800 million.

Yes, but if you lose, Monty, you'll take

a terrifying descent in two! Hades!

Where you'll spend an eternity in flames,

along with the most respectful people who

ever lived! HuhWait a minute! Uh-uh,

no can't do, Monty. Here's the question.

Byron, how did early pioneers describe

life in America's West?

Monty, do you agree or disagree?

With what?Agree or

disagree?I disagree with

this whole show! Ohh

Life in America's West was indeed rough,

as Byron said, Circle gets the square!

The stupid dog farted! He said woof!

That's not an answer! Don't be a sore

loser, Monty, and have a pleasant trip!

You're up, Elmira!I will take the pink

girly bun-bun for the win!

Babs, or should I say...Joan?

Oh, oh, can me

tour! Joan, what sound does a

falling anvil make when it hits a tune?

Oh, oh, it sounds like my thigh's being

liposuction! No, no, no, wait! When the

anvil hits, it makes a loud clang sound!

Oh, oh! I agree.

Well, let's find out, shall we?

Yes, Klag is correct! El

Michael wins the game!

Oh, look at all the pretty

blue hippity hops!

We're out of time, so sell off from

Tooney Woods Square!



tuned.

There is nothing wrong with your

television set. We are controlling

the broadcast. We can control the

vertical. We can control the

horizontal. We can even make it slow.

Jingle bells, jingle bells. Don't goof it

around, buster. Sorry.

For the next 6 minutes, you are about to

take part in an Acme cable adventure.

Morning, Rosie. Boy, did I sleep well.

No kidding. You snort so loud, the

neighbors called and complained about the

drag racing. Making a buffet for the

bowling team?No, it's my breakfast.

What about me?Don't I get to eat anything?

I'll let you lick the plate when I'm

finished. Uh, no thanks. I gotta

be at work in an hour. How about a kiss

before I go?Well, all

right.

Oh, say can you

Taxi?

Wait a second.

Excuse me. Are those Bungle Boy

jeans you're wearing?I'm not wearing

any pants. That's what I thought.

Ma'am!

Ma'am, ma'am, can I borrow the car?

Surely I'm a main man. And take that

me pudding bar for your date.

Cliff, I believe our children are

all growing up. Well, Claire,

seems to me, you see. The thing

is, we need more kids.

Hello, central casting. Send over a new

cute daughter from the show. Thanks.

Bye-bye. Gotta keep this TV

show going, don't you know?'Cause my

movie career's in the dumpster.

Mommy! Daddy!

Your new cute little daughter is

here. Yeah, so you are.

Have a pudding bar, darling.

ohh Welcome, friends, to incredible

discoveries that happen to be for sale.

Yay!

I'm Mike Sleazy. What have you got for us

today, GM?Well, Mike,

it's something so super, so

fabulous that you at home should just

start ordering it even before I tell you

what it is! Yay!

How super and fabulous! It

is, Mike, it is! Our

solar-powered clothes dryer!

To operate this clothes dryer, you need a

huge hydroelectric power plant.

But this solar-powered clothes

dryer scientifically transforms

sunlight into drying power that's

absolutely free!

Golly Gigi, this discovery is so super

and fabulous, it's too bad we can't all

own it. Well,

Mike, there's good news and bad

news. The bad news is that this one's not

for sale. Ohh But the good news

is, the other 462

million are.

Well, how much is this super and fabulous

discovery gonna cost us?Well,

normally, Mike, this discovery, which

is fabulous and super, would

cost $99.99. But I'm going to let

them go at only $9.99. Can't

you do any better than that?How about the

clothes dryer and some solid steel

fasteners?And I'll do it all for

$6.99. All

right. The dryer, the fasteners, the

customizer, and the genuine wood

attaches for $3.99. All

right. The dryer, the

fasteners, the customizer, the attaches,

a tree to hang it from, 15 years' supply

of peanut butter, a private airplane,

And a split-level house! All

for only $1.99! All

right, all rightI'll even throw in

the sun!

You know, my fluid's completely gone. I

feel great!Me too. I guess all these

couch potatoes needed were a little time

in front of the old tuberific.

Sour cream?Please.

Chives?Naturally.

So long, Spudsters.

Say goodnight, Babs. Goodnight, Babs.