02x09 - Henny Youngman Day

[bunniefuu]

We're tiny, we're toony We're all a

little loony And in this cartoony, we're

invading your TV We're comic

dispensers, we've cracked up all of the

sensors On Tiny Toon Adventures, get a

dose of comedy So here's at the A crew,

sit the whole wide world apart Our hopes,

we only stand alone, a cartoon work of

art Let's rest where we checked it Expect

the unexpected

about to start They're free, they're

funny They're thousand bucks and bunny

Montana matches money Now my wreck is a

pain He's hunting, that's lucky Disney,

Devil, yucky Purrball's a monkey And

Go-Go is insane At Esmee

University we earn our tuned degree At

the teaching gaps, I'm getting laughs and

sizing 33 We're honey, we're

soonies, we're all a little loony It's

time to tuned adventures, come and join

the funOur song is

done.

I hear Daffy's sick today. I wonder who

our thub will be. Welcome to Daffy Duck's

Corny Quips class. Today's substitute

teacher, Henny Youngman!

Who's that?Who's that?

Thank you. Thank you.

Debbie sent me over here. Of course, he

was feeling a little under the feather.

I should tell you a little about myself.

I'm from New York. I play Carnegie Hall.

You know how to get to Carnegie Hall?The

expressway, a cab, or the subway. Anyone

else?Practice.

Yeah, I play Carnegie Hall. Till the cops

chase me away. Takes a lot of skill to be

a professional comedian. You've got to

have good diction. Now you put 15 marbles

in your mouth and you talk. Every day you

remove one marble. When you've lost all

your marbles, you're a pro.

Hello, I'm Robin Leach.

Welcome to the Eating Habits of the

Sick and Nauseous. Say bonjour

to the fabulous Hampton

Pig dining on the delectable.

Uh, lunch log?Ew!

Who's cooking this stuff, pub bunion?

The bells! The bells!

Sanctuary! Howdy,

turn her off. I'm still looking for the

switch. I keep going and

going and going. sh**ter,

just sh**ter. Babs

Bunny has left the building. Well, thank

you. Thank you very much. May you live to

be as old as your jokes. Too much sugar,

Babsy?No. I've been trying out my act.

I've decided that Babs Bunny is ready for

the road. Well, please tell me it's the

center divider of Route 66.

Read it and weep, Featherface! Open

mic night at the Acme Improv,

starring Babs Bunny?Gee, Babs, do

you think you're ready for the big time?

I've heard it can be brutal. Just show up

tonight at eight. Trust me. Isn't that

what Custer said?

Gee, I wonder if it fabs goes on.

Blast?I'm the best! I should go on

first!

I am a squirrel. People

say I'm nuts.

Thanks, Mom.

I'm the Roach Man, and you're a bunch of--

I'm so fat, I'm fat!

Make it stop. And now, Toons and

Toonettes, a very special guest.

Here we go! The master of mayhem, the

guru of guffaws, international

superstar. Red, red, Robin

Killums!

Robin Killums?

Good evening, Acme Akers!

I have to go on after him?

I'm doomed.

Uh-oh.

Oh,

ohh they're making a fashion statement.

Shirts with no pants.

I'm a far-wing Shakespeare. Hello, I'm

Hamlet, the Twins of Denmark.

Uh, uhAlas, for Rollick. I knew him well.

He used to go bowling on Thursdays. He

was a wittle thing. Help me! Help

me! Thank

you. Thanks for the time.

That must be next. Well, there she is.

Hello.

I'm... I'm.. You're terrible!

Oh, no. I thought I was the last act.

Poor kid.

Oh, it's my good pal, Babs Bunny. You

have to know him?I think your reception

problem is with your antenna.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Porky Pig.

Hey, I know what it's like when you're

starting out. Heck, I used to play at the

opening of an envelope. Good luck, kid.

Well, that was great. You were right. You

are ready for the big time. Yeah,

well, Robin said to me, Kid, you're the

only one in the world funny enough to

follow me. Wait, I forgot

something. Thank you.

Take my wife, please.

You know, I don't get it. Our sub's name

is Hannah Youngman. I think it's a female

chicken, but he's a guy. Maybe it's a

hormone imbalance. People are always

asking me, how do you keep your act fresh?

Practice.

This kid's got more talent than his

little finger than he has in his big

finger. But

seriously, you've got to keep it fresh.

It's tough to do and like me, you're from

Flushing, New York. The tidy bone man was

just elected mayor. What do you think of

flushing New York?I think it's a good

idea. I'm a journalist in flushing. I'd

write for the toilet paper. Well,

speaking of toilets, here's our next

cartoon fresh out of the can.

I remember my potty years.

plucky you're almost three years old now

and your father and I think it's about

time you learned how to use the

potty

no potty

whoa partner you don't want to wear

diapers forever do you yes sir oh

come on there's nothing to be afraid of

let me show you how it works it's simple

You take your diaper off, you sit down

right here, and then you...

And when you're all done, you use a

little toilet paper, pull the handle, and

fluff. It's

too loud! It's okay, hon. It's

too loud! Don't worry. It's too

loud! Bye-bye. Slow down,

plucky. Now it's your turn. Give

it a flush. No flush.

Go ahead, hun. Just hold the handle.

Wanna go down the hole?That's

right. Wanna go down the hole?

Yes, dear. Wanna go down the hole?

Yes, but look, the water came back.

Water came back! That's right, hun.

Water came back!Precisely.

Water came back.

So do you like the potty now?Yes, sir.

Would you like to go potty all by

yourself?Wanna go potty?Okay,

then. We'll leave you to it. Just call if

you need any help. He's gifted, Ralph,

don't you think?

Water, fresh to potty. Remember to use

the toilet paper, honey.

Toilet Pinter go down the hall. Toilet

Pinter go down

the hall. Toilet Pinter?Where'd Toilet

Pinter go?

And don't forget to get rid of that dirty

diaper!

go down the hole. Diaper go down the

hole. Bye-bye,

diaper.

Toilet painter go down the hole.

Bye-bye, toilet painter.

Nana go down the hole. Bye-bye, Nana.

Kitty go down the hall.

Too-too put down the hall.

Kitty go down the hall. Kitty,

bye-bye, kitty.

Ew.

Doggy!

Eww. Are you all finished, son?I

wanna flush the party!All

right, but hurry it up.

Wanna go down the hole?Wanna go

down the hole?

Stocky, is everything all right up there?

I wanna flush it again! No, you've

flushed enough, son. I wanna flush it

again! He's been up there quite a while.

We'd better check on him.

Lucky, what's going on in there?

The door's locked. Lucky! Wanna

flush the party?Open this door

right now! I wanna flush it

again!Let me talk to him. Do what your

father says, Plucky. Open the door.

Plucky, open this door!

Choo-choo came back! Plucky!

Plucky came back!

Na-na came back! Plucky,

open this door!

My dead bird came back!

Oh, no! And I just

redecorated! Plucky, where

are you?

Yeah, those were the days. And

fortunately, it all worked out in theend.

Flocky! I want to flush it again!

I want to flush it again! I want to flush

it again!

You're a great class. You should have

been at my first class. Somebody should

have been there.

There goes the band. That's the band that

inspired the great line, Stop the music.

You know what they say to the musicians?

Droke this. This kid throws himself into

everything. Go find a deep well.

Seriously, I want to thank you all for

being here today and taking my class.

Take my class, please. No, No on second

thought, take this cartoon.

So why did the chicken cross the

schoolyard?To get to the other slide!

Beth, you tell the best jokes.

Hey, hey, hey, I can tell a good joke,

too. Okay, a pig, a rabbit, and a duck.

Buster, not that lame joke again.

It is not a lame joke. Oh, yeah?Look!

Oh, my gosh, it is a lame joke. All

right, can I tell the joke already?There

was a pig, a rabbit, and a duck, right?Is

this one of those species jokes?

A pig, a rabbit, and a duck. Oh, out in

the woods on a picnic.

And... And which

hen did they eat their soup with?

HuhNeither. They used a spoon. Get it?

Soup, spoon. It's funny.

Uh, I don't get it.

Huh

HmmSay, this joke is dead.

No, he can't be. Call 911.

Call 911. 911.





Doctor, what's he got?I don't know. I

haven't gotten so swallowed yet. Here's

another one he may not like.

Looks bad. Are you an audience or an oil

painting?

Are you live or on tape?

Two, three, four. Resisting on.

I've got good news and bad news. The good

news is your joke died. The bad news is,

who cares?Your

delivery stinks. Anyway, you told it

wrong. I still

don't get it. I feel awful. Think

of it this way, Toots. You didn't k*ll

that joke. You put it out of its misery.

My joke died. I'm a m*rder*r.

m*rder*r.

m*rder*r. You k*lled him. Uber Homified.

You're the Freddy Krueger of comedy.

Somebody call a Maytag man. This

whirlpool is k*lling me. No!

So often we take our jokes for granted.

When they're gone, we wish we had told

them better. Comedy is a fragile and

delicate thing. And like the first

rose of spring, this joke died

too soon. Too soon.

Yeah, but not soon enough for me.

Do you mind?

I guess what I'm getting to is this. He

was my only joke and I will miss

him. Goodbye, my friend.

Goodbye. Bye.

See ya.

Nice speech, pal. Thanks.

Allow yourself to take some time to mourn

the loss. Maybe someday,

you'll tell another joke. You'll see.

But I liked my joke about the pig, the

rabbit, and duck. I mean, I mean, which

hand did they eat their soup with?

I don't get it. I get it. They didn't

use either hand. They used a soup

spoon.

Who is that?A running gag.

Thanks for having me. I'm glad to be

here. I'm glad to be anywhere. No,

seriously, this class has a lot of get up

and go. I just wish I knew where it went.

Hey, kid, how do you get to the parking

lot from here?Practice. He's not a

complete loss. He can always be a

horrible example. This kid has been goes

here for comedy. He needs only one thing

to make a fool out of himself, a chance.

Somebody stop me. I'm hitting below the

voice belt.