-BIG GUY: Wayne...
-sh*t, man.
BIG GUY:
It's leaking.
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
(GRUNTS)
Um, are you sure about this,
Wayne?
(CHUCKLES)
You trust me to get in,
but you don't trust me
to get out.
KELLSTROM:
Wait, that idiot built it
himself?
RAQUEL:
Yeah.
So he just learned on his own?
He was in the Coast Guard,
and he was an engineering major
for a minute.
You're kidding.
Do I look
like I'm f*cking kidding?
I thought this loser never
finished anything.
He's not a loser.
He suffers
from selective completion.
You know what?
Can we just get this over with?
Please?
All right, be sure you give us,
like, a three-second countdown.
What the hell do you think
this is, a space launch?
That was, like, four seconds!
g*dd*mn it! f*ck it!
(WATER SPLASHES)
(WHISTLES)
(SCREAMING)
-(POLICE SIREN BLARING)
-(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
I was shaving my b*ll s*ck
last night,
which got me to thinking
about your call numbers here.
These metrics suck.
These are sucky-a*s metrics.
Clients with freight.
Carriers with trucks.
The only impediment
to this synergy is the leads.
The leads have to be called!
(SIGHS)
So, you know,
there's a recycling bin
outside your office.
Have you hired
a new sales rep yet?
You gotta have
a pretty good reason
as to why you wanna take
a entry-level freight
broker job, right?
Well, where'd you find that
big Santa sausage hairy guy?
Oh, you mean Big Guy?
A client referred him.
Well, get someone else,
at least for Prine & Prine QC,
We're not shipping dildos here.
Have you been out
to see them yet?
Uh, no. I haven't.
They would love a visit
from a veteran.
The service records are hot
right now.
Wayne...
there is a reason you're the age
you are and stuck.
Ambitious ones
have more going on
beneath the surface.
Don't be 35
and still making cold calls.
You really think this account
needs that much attention?
The biggest pharmaceutical
company in this country.
You have any idea
how insidious their reach is?
The supply chain's in disarray.
Big business needs us.
And you need to focus
on freight 24-7.
I focus on freight
when I'm f*cking my wife.
(LAUGHS)
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
Take some gear,
go see your client,
and do your job.
Aye, aye, captain.
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTS)
No speeding.
That's a company car.
Got it.
(THUDS)
(GROANS)
f*ck!
(SCREECH)
Oh! Oh, oh, oh.
Thank you.
It looked a lot more stable
before I picked it up.
Nobody asked you to make a move,
baby d*ck.
I meant the stack.
I'm-- I'm sorry your load
is late.
Yeah, the driver fell asleep.
No, no, like, in a parking lot
or something.
Well, yeah, he's a driver,
not a doctor.
(LAUGHS)
You get it?
(PHONE HANGS)
Dumbass.
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks, buddy.
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-(FOOTSTEPS RECEDES)
Oh, sh*t.
You wanna go on a ride
with me real quick?
KELLSTROM:
Bringin' the new guy on reops?
RAQUEL:
Welcome to logistics.
I guess it started back
in college.
Where you and Wayne
sold Studyall
to students cramming for exams.
You took the fall
and Wayne transferred.
Everyone experiments in college.
Pushing speed
on desperate college students?
Push?
What push?
You were caught selling it
outside of the library.
Do you know how supply
and demand works?
So Wayne enters the workforce.
He doesn't even need
to switch up his Rolodex
to keep his side gig.
Tell me about
his supplier Hoppy.
Mm, Hoppy.
She never met a drug
she couldn't sell.
RAQUEL:
Zannies, uppers, downers, coke,
kitty coke, mescaline,
mini thins, whippets,
boobs, buttons,
over the counter decongestants,
barbiturates.
I don't even know
what barbiturates are.
Well, barbiturate is--
RAQUEL:
Hoppy sold em.
Unkies, fluff, K-hole,
poor man's ecstasy,
hippy crack, Lucy, crissy,
Molly, Miss Emma, Mr. Blue,
blue silk, blue meanies, jenkem.
Oh, if you don't know
what jenkem is,
please look it up.
Battery acid, dollies,
Mexican brown, China white,
green K, red dexies,
red devils, red rock,
peppies, skippies, fizzies,
whizzies.
Wayne kept it low key
for a while,
hustlin' Studyall
at the office,
because let's face it,
ADD-stricken freight brokers
rip through that sh*t.
And he probably
would have kept things mellow
until one day she asked him
to level up some Oxycocet,
some Fentanyl.
KELLSTROM:
Can you stay on the point?
I've got the supply,
your office has the demand.
Synergy.
Oh, you know, the speed,
it's-- it's harmless.
sh*t, you know, sh*t's helpin'
my customers a lot, but, um...
Huh?
This is, uh,
this is kinda different.
Don't be such a little b*tch.
I'm not.
Like, they can't cop it
without you.
She's got a point, Wayne.
Oh, I can just see
the headlines,
Wayne Poss's limp d*ck wins
the w*r on drugs.
Hey, when you're done being
such a b*ner k*ller,
will you let me know?
In the meantime,
spread these around the office.
See how easy it is.
(OBJECT CLATTERS)
Good stuff.
Yo, we got this.
Let's go, Big Guy.
Hasta la vista, dickheads.
(TRAIN RUMBLING)
(BUS HISSES)
(HORN HONKING)
Work the leads.
It's a numbers game.
They give you a dictionary
with your training manual?
No?
Well, get a dictionary.
Look up synergy.
They have drugs to sell.
We have jails to fill.
(MIMICS expl*si*n)
Synergy.
They teach you about supply
and demand at the academy? Huh?
No, but I wasn't dropped
on my head as a child.
Well, I was.
Help me find the supply.
Huh?
You gonna help me?
KELLSTROM:
It's my job.
Yeah, okay, good.
That's good.
You're gonna do all right
around here.
KELLSTROM:
Is that all?
No, that's all.
KELLSTROM:
Okay.
(SLURPS)
I'm at the service center
five days a week plus this sh*t.
Who is that?
It's Big Guy. We work together.
RAQUEL:
Oh, I pay for those, dude.
WAYNE:
Hey, cut it out!
(BLOWS PIPE)
Hey, look at me. We're go--
It's gonna be like old times.
(SCOFFS)
Where I get arrested
and you don't.
Uh, dude, can-- can you not?
Those are--
those are for the kids.
If you could just leave them.
Seriously.
No, uh, it's cool.
I got a buddy that--
that makes these.
I'll sell them for cheap.
Where did you find him?
Uh, uh, he's going
to frighten the children.
Look at me.
Please look at me.!
Don't worry about him.
We're not gonna be drivin'
around the city dealing drugs
to college kids.
We're just gonna be slinging
some sh*t to co-workers
once in a while.
(SCOFFS)
I don't know sh*t
about logistics.
It'll be like a promotion.
Come on. I got this.
You in?
(SIGHS)
All right, I take that as a yes.
All right?
Yo, Big Guy, let's go!
Come on.
Take that sh*t off, man.
Take it off.
Oh, dude, oh,
I'ma gonna grab this.
Happy birthday to me, b*tches!
Hey, Monday, 9:00 a.m.,
all right?
Sectorem Logistics.
I'll text you.
-(MOTORCYCLE WHIRRING)
-(TRAFFIC PASSES BY)
How'd you get in here?
Door was open.
Gotta be more careful
lockin' up.
People might steal your stuff.
Didn't I tell you
to quit calling me baby d*ck
at the office?
(CHUCKLES)
I had to.
This new recruiter
on my team was like,
Wayne is Wayne, uh,
landing Big Pharma accounts.
Well, Wayne's the man.
(CHUCKLES)
It's like my uncle who's 6'7",
and everyone calls him Tiny.
Okay, stop talking
about Tiny, please.
Cause this is mine.
Stayin' the night or what?
I can't. I have a networking
thing at 8:00.
I just came by on my way.
Do I need to get my vibrator,
or were you gonna, like...
Yeah, no, absolutely.
(GRUNTS)
Best time of the day!
Ring-a-ding ding-a-ding-a-ding
ding-a-ding-a-ding dong
Doing great, champ.
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, no, I'm sorry
I can't physically
make a truck move faster.
No, I can see that
on the screen.
(BELL RINGING)
Hey.
Thanks, sweets.
Yeah, all right, great.
Well, fortunately for you
in this land of opportunity,
if you didn't like my rate,
you didn't have to take it.
You know what you did.
Hey, baby.
Did you, uh, get my email?
The one that you just sent
three minutes ago
that said no rush?
Yeah.
Um, roll call.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What about it?
Why haven't you been out to P&P?
I don't know. I was worried
it wouldn't work out.
Wouldn't work out?
(CHUCKLES)
How could it possibly not work
out for you?
Jesus Christ.
You're the worst white man
in America.
That's not r*cist.
That's reality.
And no, it's not fair,
but neither
is a reality
where people fail upwards,
wives lie to their husbands,
and Big Pharma can smack us
around with their big battering
ram c*ck.
(DWYER SIGHS)
DWYER:
Not to worry.
All they care about
is their stock price,
which is healthy...
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
Uh, that's good.
Yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT)
If you're not on time,
you're late.
And if you're late,
you're fired.
I'm kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm not kidding.
RAQUEL:
Boss man, good to see you.
Happy Monday.
Happy Monday.
Monday fun day.
That's right!
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, Big Guy, real quick.
Uh, what's it like havin' a kid?
Daisy?
Yeah. How expensive are they?
Ugh, kids with Ashley. Gross.
I'm convinced I have a tapeworm.
The school system never really
taught me about a tapeworm.
So I'm thinkin' maybe it's not
so bad, right?
I mean, it does help
with digestion, you know?
It's a predatory leech.
Sucks the soul
from the inside out.
And so's a kid.
(SIGHS)
How'd you get through that sh*t
so quick?
Hell, sh*t flew.
BIG GUY:
Speedy delivery service?
My a*s.
I've been waitin'
on this driver forever.
Come on, man! I just wanna know
where my sandwich is.
All right. I'm out of here.
Uh, who's coming with?
Oh, I'm in.
Not me. I got food on the way.
Later, losers.
I gotta feed the dogs,
by the way.
WAYNE:
You know what you need?
A freakin' dog shelter.
sh*t, idiot.
Why do you think I'm working?
Yo.
Every minute you wait,
my cheese coagulates.
Come on, buddy!
Oh, my f*cking God, Wayne.
If the average IQ is 100,
you are a healthy 85.
It is simple logistics.
Logistics, huh? Two-tail.
Our connection in Canada?
He's got a surplus,
but he doesn't wanna drive it
across the border.
How big's the pickup?
400K.
I mean, he's got more up there.
I just don't have the cash.
What if I go in on it with you,
and then I-- I go pick it up?
Whatever tickles your pickle.
Wayne.
If you get 200K,
you could easily triple it.
When's the pickup?
Next week.
How do you plan on driving it
across the border?
I don't.
Come on.
RAQUEL:
Just makin' a pickup.
It's in a different country.
Oh, gee, thanks.
Me working in shipping,
I wouldn't know that.
You don't have $200,000.
I withdrew 150K today.
Oh, let me see
that bottle opener.
See?
Wait.
Why did you bring $150,000
to the table?
Easy money, h*.
You're goin' alone?
No, no, I bring Big Guy. Yeah?
I can manage.
You couldn't manage
a Buffalo Wild Wings
if you wanted to.
I'll go.
No.
Then why am I here?
Hand to hands in the office.
Oh, so you have this random guy
put up all the money
and make me do all the work.
It's the oldest arrangement
since the invention of money.
Gentiles make Jews
do all the work for them.
BIG GUY:
That rich people
make broke-a*s b*tches
do tasks for cash.
You know, look.
It's all reproductive, you know?
-BIG GUY: Uh, redecorative.
-Yeah.
It's reductive.
Oh, it doesn't matter.
We're all gonna split the money
three equal ways.
Oh, okay.
So this sh*t sandwich just gets
to use his trust fund and--
It's more of a portfolio now.
I've diversified into crypto.
Okay, well,
you're still 50K short
and you don't have that much in
your little b*tch Vermont fund.
We're, uh, we're 10K short.
The shelter deposit?
No.
No.
Easy money,
holes in your pockets.
Who else knows about this?
No one.
Ashley?
(LAUGHS)
You don't trust her either.
No, it's not-- it's just--
I mean, no, I just--
I don't think international
drug smuggling is a key way
to start a healthy relationship.
Do you?
No, that's literally my point.
KELLSTROM:
Just like that.
Here's the deposit for
my sad animal hospital.
Wayne's like a brother.
My brother doesn't drive around
with a trunk full
of decongestants.
Not what I heard.
You can make
a lot of meth with 612 boxes
of Congesti-phed.
It's over the counter.
Mm, it's locked up
at the drugstore.
So is shampoo!
And conditioner, and razors.
Failure to repay within 15 days
means forfeiture of your land.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it.
Uh, you're gonna give me
the $30,000 today, correct?
All right, all right.
Wait, you know what?
Before you, like,
put pen to paper,
let's think about some things.
Too late. There you go.
Oh. Yep. It's over.
Thank you.
15 days.
(GRUNTS)
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
(GRUNTS)
Jeez, this door is stupid.
Hey, babe.
A call would have been nice.
Okay.
Uh, yeah, this looks
super normal, Wayne.
What are you doing?
(CHUCKLES)
WAYNE:
I mean, look,
I don't have a choice.
I have to leave tonight.
Uh, you know, I mean,
it sounds pretty crazy, but...
Can I have a code name?
Can I be Wet Kitten?
Hey, I've been thinking about
the future a lot, you know?
I really think that you
and I could start a family.
Don't.
Don't.
Oh.
Cool.
Cool?
Sounds cool.
We're talkin' about
runnin' drugs here.
Navigating psychos and sh*t.
I mean, jail time.
I know,
but you can earn some money.
I'd like to help.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Okay, how?
I don't know,
but we'll figure it out
because I am good
at a lot of things.
Hmm.
Like, come here.
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(BOTTLES THUDS, SHATTERS)
(CHUCKLES)
Uh, we're gonna get the check.
There is not a cab in sight.
Come on.
Uh, no. What are you doin'?
(PHONE BEEPS)
Please, my basement is flooded.
(PHONE BUZZES)
There it is. We got an Uber.
It's 15 minutes out.
Wayne, when a girl suggests
riding a bike home
because she's wet, you say yes.
I don't-- I don't know
how to ride a bike.
What?
I don't know how to ride a bike.
Wow, okay.
We're gonna have to fix that,
but not tonight.
Come on, get behind me.
Don't make me beg.
Get behind me.
-All right.
-(CHUCKLES)
Let's do it.
Get that a*s home.
Oh, yeah.
(GARAGE DOOR OPENS)
f*ck, dang, man!
Freakin' door, man!
Always.
Better check that warranty, bud.
Mm, thought it would be bigger.
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
(FANS WHIRRING)
(LAUGHS)
We're in business, baby.
Precious cargo here, bro.
Oh, f*ck,
I hope Big Guy fits in this.
Seriously.
Wayne, open the hatch, buddy.
(BIG GUY FARTS)
WAYNE:
Ugh, what's that smell?
BIG GUY:
Your entire ride home
if I don't get syrup.
-(CELL PHONE RINGING)
-WAYNE: Fine.
DELIVERY DRIVER ON PHONE:
What?
WAYNE ON PHONE:
We have to move the drop.
DELIVERY DRIVER ON PHONE:
Are you out of your mind,
d*ck rag?
Ugh, I don't care
how much money you have.
I'm not driving to where--
Where are you even trying to go?
WAYNE ON PHONE:
Oh, the shoreline syrup stand.
DELIVERY DRIVER ON PHONE:
Oh, man. That's good syrup.
It's not just good on pancakes,
you know?
You should try it on ice cream,
fresh fruit,
and, oh, yeah, my ba*ls.
Get your a*s over here
and help me.
Why is that guy such an as*h*le?
Will you shut your mouth?
Put the box down.
Help me go through this sh*t.
I think we're gonna need
a bigger boat.
(LAUGHS)
My God, right?
It's a lot of f*ck' drugs.
Wayne.
sh*t, man.
It's leaking.
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
I know.
Move! Move!
What do you mean?
I'm tryin' to-- what the f*ck!
f*ck it!
f*ck' man...
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
Oh, my God, you farted!
Man musk!
Be sure you give us,
like, a three-second countdown?
What the hell do you think
this is, a space launch?
That was, like, four seconds!
g*dd*mn it! f*ck it!
-(IMPLOSION)
-Oh, f*ck!
Wayne!
Wayne!
Wayne!
(BOTH PANT)
RAQUEL:
Okay, keep your head like this
for 15 minutes.
The entire 15 minutes!
What does that mean?
Hey, how much time do we got?
Until Hoppy collects?
I don't know.
No, I meant for breakfast.
It makes me physically ill
to be around you.
But you know what?
I have a birthday party
I have to sh**t.
So, um, can you just give me
a ride?
Hey, why did Hoppy
have all that Congesti-phed?
Huh?
Seriously, I mean,
how does a woman get sick
Living in a cave all day
playin' video games?
I don't care, Wayne.
You owe her more money
than our lives are worth.
(SIGHS)
You owe me.
You owe him.
You-- you know what?
I don't even--
I don't even care about him.
I mean, f*ck him. Yeah, you!
I don't even know who you are.
Can you just give me a ride,
please?
Oh, oh, yes, your majesty.
Just take her to the car, man.
Please.
Seemed like that went well.
Why didn't you call me?
Why is your head like that?
She just put some eardrops in.
I almost drowned
in my submarine.
Do I fail at everything?
Cause I just failed again,
like every other damn thing.
I mean, do I fail because I--
I don't finish anything?
Whoa. Deep breath.
Talk to me.
What happened?
Are you hurt?
Why was Raquel here?
I just lost $400,000
in every hope that I had
of getting out of this
corporate bullshit, okay?
I don't need to hear that stuff.
Just maybe if she hadn't slept
with half of Chicago.
We're just friends, Ashley!
We're just friends. Okay?
(SMACKING LIPS)
You know what I do when I almost
lose half a mil of drug money?
What?
Learn how to ride a bike.
Oh, you want me to learn
how to ride a bike right now?
After my meeting.
Keep your head tilted like that
the whole time,
or the ear stuff won't work.
The whole time, baby d*ck.
(SIGHS)
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Move.
Enough, Hoppy.
You have to fix this.
Who goes there?
(GRUNTS)
GAME VOICEOVER:
Game over.
(PANTING)
Need some water?
What the f*ck?
I'm in the middle
of my exercise here.
You guys come in.
I'm clearly in the zone here.
Hey, hey, hey!
What?
Okay, well, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go teach my boyfriend
how to ride a bike.
He can't ride a bike?
What an idiot.
So freakin' embarrassing, man.
Would you rather I put your--
- No.
-Training wheels back on?
You just got my beard in here.
Don't be a p*ssy.
Okay, so just pedal towards me
really fast and don't stop.
You make it all the way to me,
I'll give you your juice box.
Freaking juice box.
ASHLEY:
Good.
Goo-- Whoa! Okay.
Careful, careful, careful.
Steady.
Hey.
Yes, you're doing it!
I got it!
-Oh, sh*t!
-(SCREAMS)
Oh, God!
Okay, walk it off, baby,
walk it off.
Yeah, we handle
all the shipments
for Prine & Prine.
I just need a little bit of info
from you,
and we'll--
we'll make the arrangements.
Four pallets of Congesti-phed?
Sure, we, uh,
we ship all over the U.S.,
wherever your Congesti-phed--
Wherever your Congesti-phed
needs to go,
we can get it there.
Indeed.
All right.
KELLSTROM ON PHONE:
Both leads
were dead ends for me.
How about you?
What?
Where are you right now?
I'm at the lake,
collecting evidence.
KELLSTROM ON PHONE:
Are you eating?
Mm-hmm.
KELLSTROM ON PHONE:
All right, okay, we're going
to need to find something soon,
because I don't have--
Uh, yeah.
KELLSTROM ON PHONE:
Real evidence.
All right, bye. Call you back.
(PHONE HANGS UP)
(BURPS)
No.
What do you mean no?
No.
We're not even actually stealing
any drugs.
It's just an ingredient of drugs
from a Fortune 500 company.
Why are you two even here?
Well, this is where I gotta ship
the pallets.
Uh, this isn't a drugstore.
WAYNE:
No sh*t, I mean, but P&P does
so much business
with Sectorem Logistics
that a few missing pallets
here and there,
no one's gonna even notice.
We sure the drivers
are gonna come here?
We dispatch the drivers.
Dude, have you not been
dispatching any of the drivers?
Mm-mm.
Well, point is, you can have em
ship it anywhere.
Let me give you guys a 101
on when it comes to logistics,
okay?
30-day training course
in just two minutes. Come here.
Like, take a semi-truck.
Actually, no,
make it a box truck.
WAYNE:
All over town,
local drivers make pickups.
A pallet of Congesti-phed here,
sex toys there, whatever.
A mixed bag of freight.
Then these grumpy drivers bring
em to the local terminal
where they're stirred
into a freight bouillabaisse
with all the other local
pickups.
At this point, they're sorted,
and our pallet is put on
another truck with other freight
going the same
general direction across
the country.
Along the way, they stop
at every major city's terminal
where they're again unloaded
and sorted
by underpaid gig workers
with no benefits
or job security,
makin' $10 an hour,
minus bathroom breaks,
who are perpetually
running behind.
Our pallet is loaded onto
yet another truck
until it reaches
the delivery terminal
where it's again unloaded,
and put onto another local truck
where a geographically different
but equally stressed-out driver
makes the final drop.
Now, if you have a shipment
going 1,000 miles,
it can be unloaded
and reloaded four extra times.
All right, that's a dozen
extra sets of hands on it.
Might as well shriek wrap em
in red tape.
It's just such a clusterfuck.
That's the journey
of one pallet,
and multiply that
by 1,000 times daily.
I mean, literally, supply chain
is like a giant clown orgy.
Not funny clowns,
just the sad clowns.
But at this point
in the journey, what I do
is I revise the bill of lading,
set up a new delivery address.
What is that called, Big Guy?
Uh. Uh...
WAYNE:
Come on, dude,
it's f*ck' easy.
Our plan to steal pallets?
Reconsignment, man.
It's French for change
of course.
f*ck yeah.
Wait, why are they gonna
change course?
WAYNE:
Well, because it says
in the paperwork,
Bill Sectorem Logistics.
Obey the money.
WAYNE:
Exactly.
I'm a little over my head here,
Raquel.
Yeah, shocking.
Just get me my money back, man.
This isn't fun anymore.
What crawled up your cooter?
RAQUEL:
A lot, dude.
I thought it was a solid plan.
I-- I even drew it all out.
BIG GUY:
I think you need to invite her
to the clown orgy.
(SIGHS)
DISAPPOINTED BANKER ON PHONE:
Sir, I-- I told you
it's no longer your land.
WAYNE:
Yes, I know, I get it.
I'm just curious
if anyone's tried to buy it out.
DISAPPOINTED BANKER ON PHONE:
Sir, please, please,
stop calling me.
You don't have it?
No.
But wait!
I have somethin' for you.
It's in my car.
Fine.
Let's go play outside, kids.
I need finished product, Wayne.
Who was gonna cook this?
That idiot?
400K by the first.
And in case you forget
how deep my reach is...
You reach him now.
What?
(WAYNE SCREAMING)
That's also figurative.
Okay, pumpkin?
(WHIMPERS)
IVR VOICEOVER 1:
Thank you for holding.
We will be with you shortly.
Yo, I've got another idea.
Uh-huh?
PHARMACY REPRESENTATIVE:
Thank you for holding.
Your Fentanyl prescription
is ready for pickup.
Peddlin' prescription pills.
PHARMACY REPRESENTATIVE ON PHONE:
Sir, I'm still on the phone.
(LAUGHS)
(DIALTONE RINGING)
Like, I'm not suggesting we roam
around Washington Park
with opioids in a Pez dispenser.
Not yet.
I mean, we could just dish it
around the office
to the coworkers
and, um, give the bulk to Hoppy.
Look, we've gotta pay
this deranged nerd
her money back.
(SCRUNCHES)
Probably just sittin' there
playing video games
right now anyway.
Hey.
Those are my nan's.
Shut up.
It's only the green ones?
What, do they have other colors?
It's like Skittles.
Hey, you know what, scumbag?
When I was a kid,
we used to steal candy,
not ingredients to make meth.
Was meth even a thing
in the Cretaceous Period?
(LAUGHING)
Shut up!
Phew-hoo! She told you.
I thought you said
this was not
goin' to be a meeting
discussing other meetings.
Okay, no.
Two shakes, that's all you get.
Well, that's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
No, this definitely--
Hang on just a second.
Let me, take-- I'll come back.
Okay.
ASHLEY:
Well, this could have been
an email.
(INDISTINCT LYRICS
IN BACKGROUND)
ASHLEY:
Wayne?
Where is this?
Vermont.
I used to own five acres
out there.
Well, so, like, what is it?
Is this, like, a place
where you take other women?
A stabbin' cabin?
For Ashley?
Yeah, I first thought it would--
would be a tiny house.
How were you gonna pay for it?
Tiny mortgage?
No, when I started workin' over
at Sectorem,
I thought maybe you, and I
could, um,
bundle up a couple
shipping containers together.
(SIGHS)
I was an architecture major
for one semester.
What happened?
That ship sailed
on a sea of Coors Light.
So, I mean, when you said
that you used to own it,
what do you mean you used to?
Oh, uh...
that money went down
on a different ship.
Let's get it back.
I'll do my best.
Wall Street called.
What, the whole street?
Our investors are pissed, Wayne!
Why? Revenue's up.
DWYER:
Call numbers are not!
A monkey could be trained
to dial the phone.
Maybe we should get
your girlfriend
to start hiring monkeys!
All right, follow me.
I'll go tell her.
Not so fast!
All those drugs you're moving
are really working out.
Prine & Prine.
Also, we need to talk about
your monthly goal.
(SCOFFS)
What about it?
DWYER:
We need to raise it to 400,000.
(LAUGHS)
You just gave it to me
at the start of the month!
That's a gift!
(GIBBERS)
Table for one!
And don't use that word.
That offends my gypsy heritage.
You can't just double my goal
out of the blue, man!
You know, in the old days,
a worker's goal for tomorrow
was based on their production
for today.
So, if you picked 80 pounds
of cotton today,
your goal, for tomorrow
would be 90.
Did you really just say cotton?
You're talkin' about sl*very,
man!
The system worked.
The system did not work!
DWYER:
They made money.
Oh, God.
This is f*ck' bullshit!
You know it, man.
Prine & Prine.
Visit!
Oh.
Hey, fellas.
I need a nap.
(GRUNTS, SIGHS)
Grit, hustle, execute, success.
Nap.
You need a prescription
for pills.
So, where they comin' from?
Mexico?
Oh.
Hmm?
These, uh, Mexican knockoffs?
These are the real deal!
Straight from the drug
companies.
Like, oxycodone, Fen,
the greatest hits.
So-- so no needles?
Not when they're floodin' in
like a sorority party.
Stop harassing our citizens.
I don't wanna be on the news
for this sh*t.
BORDEAUX:
So, they're not, uh,
shoplifting them then, huh?
Maybe they're falling off
trucks.
Of what?
Just tryin' to help you.
RAQUEL:
So what, you a manager now?
Well, Dwyer groomed me
like a dog.
What, are you gonna start
harassing us with call numbers?
You're gonna
bring your stupid little
lunch in a yoga bag, like--
(FARTING SOUND ON MEGAPHONE)
Where are we
on those pharma leads?
I can't get this lady
on the phone.
What lady?
This lady right here?
You f*cking useless queef.
Hey, uh, there's a number.
Hang on a second.
Hey, my guy.
Drugs, please.
(DIALTONE RINGING)
MIDWEST OPIOIDS REPRESENTATIVE ON PHONE:
Midwest Opioids.
How can I help you?
SALES REP MIKE:
Yeah, I'm looking
for Joanne Reynolds.
Yeah, this is the principal
at her son's school.
There's been
a horrific accident.
MIDWEST OPIOIDS REPRESENTATIVE ON PHONE:
Oh, my God, yes!
Please hold.
Yes, yes, yes. I'll hold.
That's how it's done.
You f*cking ball bag.
God, this f*cking cast stinks.
You guys can suck me.
JOANNE ON PHONE:
Hello?
Joanne!
Have I got good news for you.
I feel like I'm scrubbing
the world's largest toilet
with the world's smallest
toothbrush.
Come on. Canvassing junkies
and shoplifters one at a time
is a great idea.
1992, I was one.
There's a digital footprint out
there, Bordeaux.
Breadcrumbs, rookie, seriously?
Come on. Nice try.
Think!
That barista said something.
No, yeah, let's listen
to the burnout
who, for sure queefed
in your iced coffee
instead of listening
to your partner.
That's a great idea.
Check out
the trucking companies and...
brokerages.
Anyone in particular?
Yeah,
whoever's orchestrating it,
they are strictly business.
Serious mind.
Hey, when the f*ck's Raquel
getting here?
Uh, her sores are probably
flarin' up again.
Well, who's gonna
make the rounds then?
Hey, you think I gotta pay extra
for them
to sedate the lions
when I'm on safari
so that it's easier for me
to k*ll em?
Remember when you asked,
Why doesn't your downtrodden
friend like me?
I believe my exact words were,
What's that broke chick's
problem?
This is why.
Do you have a format that should
be thrown off a bridge?
You wanna know what the two most
important words to success are?
-What's that?
-Pay special.
Ooh, yeah, thank you, baby d*ck.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Wayne, you have a client visit
to get to.
P&P is pissed.
Something about shortages.
Did he just call you baby d*ck?
Hey, Suzanne,
did you get the, um, email
from the, uh, s-- uh,
about the thing?
Sam--
I gotta make a stop first, boss.
I'll meet you there.
Maybe don't treat me
like a horse.
What? You're not a horse.
(SIGHS)
Just-- if you're gonna
take a week off the shitty job,
give me a heads up, you know?
Give me a text, a call,
something, a smoke signal.
Okay, okay.
How are you feelin'
about Prine & Prine?
Nervous.
Meeting's in an hour.
What? Why now?
They wanna discuss
the missing shipment,
but it's cool, okay? It's cool.
They don't even have to prove
that you're jacking skids.
They'll just suggest it
and then game over.
We're not at that point yet.
I mean, the client's
been paid for.
Some EVP just wants to make sure
we're addressing it.
(SCOFFS)
I should go.
Oh, my gosh! No, I'm so sorry.
You're totally good.
WAYNE:
Wow, I actually thought
she had an excuse this time.
I do. I have a sore throat.
(COUGHS)
I'm so sorry.
DWYER:
Just remember, every carrier
screws up at some point.
Freight happens.
As long as we own it,
they'll forgive us.
I bet my reputation
these guys
are intrinsically good.
No, these people
are a soulless corporation
that prey on disease and winks.
Maybe at a holistic level, sure,
but not logistics.
How can I help you?
Don't be nervous.
Mr. Dwyer.
Call me d*ck.
Oh, I sure will.
Pleasure.
And Mr. Poss, is it?
Oh, uh, what happened there?
Just um...
minor accident, a mistake.
Oh, God, I hope
you learned from it.
Please, um, take a seat.
Thank you so much
for taking the time
to meet with us.
We understand
how busy your schedule is.
I just want to start by saying
we are committed
to your business
and servicing your account.
I think about freight 24/7,
and so does Wayne.
Yeah, I'm gonna stop you
right there.
I really don't care about
a couple of missing pallets.
You don't?
You know,
it's drops in a bucket,
and I'm willing to concede
a few losses.
I need you to cut
my spending by 15%.
15?
Uh, yeah.
Well, let's get to it!
(CLEARS THROAT)
HOPPY:
Let's make money.
Mr. Poss, thank you.
WAYNE:
I-- I'll call.
Great to see you.
Have a nice day, d*ck.
A real pleasure.
Hey, Mr. Poss,
I'll be watching you.
Wait, Big Pharma
is using freight brokers?
RAQUEL:
To push more pills.
Doit! Case closed!
(DIALTONE RINGING)
BIG GUY ON PHONE:
What's up, baby d*ck?
Hey, I just finally got to visit
a freaking client.
And guess what?
It's that b*tch-a*s drug dealer
I owe a fortune to!
BIG GUY ON PHONE:
Hoppy didn't sink yourself,
though.
No, she just gets
half the city's brokers
high as ba*ls,
and then dangles a carrot
in my face,
knowin' I couldn't resist.
BIG GUY ON PHONE:
P&P wants us to leave, man.
Hoppy can demand even more.
Now, dude, that's some synergy.
The f*ck do you know,
you fat b*stard?
(GRUNTS, YELLS)
f*ck you, Big Pharma!
(SOBS)
What did you do?
What did you do?
f*ck!
I'm cold.
Are you?
Yeah.
Get in.
Hi.
I'll be right back.
So, how long is the wait?
(FLUSHES)
Hey, you just took a two.
You're not gonna wash
your hand-- okay.
Really? Freakin' bathroom?
I mean, there's gotta be rules
against that kinda sh*t.
Rules?
(GROANS, GRUNTS)
Hoo-hoo!
What do you want?
Equilib-- equili--
Oh, f*ck me.
You almost had it! Equilibrium?
Equilibrium!
Yeah, I want equilibrium.
Okay, so what?
Hoppy doesn't pay jack sh*t.
She said some gibberish about
below equilibrium salaries.
Okay, quit!
Why do you work for her?
It's Big Pharma!
She starts talkin' economic this
and Adam Smith that,
and blah, blah, blah!
So, I'm thinkin', while you're
out there slingin' them pills,
carve out ten grand a week,
for me as well.
(SCOFFS)
Whoa, whoa!
What?
Buddy, hold up there.
You have any idea what you're up
against here, Wayne?
Yeah, pretty girl out there.
Yeah, she's fine.
Hey, now,
that's against the rules!
(GIBBERS)
Shut up, Wayne!
Not sure you're in any position
to be a hard a*s.
Neither are you.
Your fly's undone.
Oh, what?
OH, sh*t!
b*tch!
Can't believe you fell
for that sh*t!
You seriously hit me?
Yeah, I did.
Oh, my God.
Stay away from my girlfriend,
you hear me?
Seriously!
But seriously,
I'll sh**t your f*cking d*ck.
SHANE:
Okay, okay, I get it, I get it,
I get it.
Oh, my God!
You made me bleed!
Question, would a blowjob
help us get a table?
Cause my boyfriend
would love to.
-Okay, we gotta go.
-No, wait!
No, no, we need to go.
-Why?
-Just come!
No, I wanna eat here!
No, I'll take you
somewhere else!
I'm hungry!
I'll get you some pizza
anywhere you want,
just not here!
Okay, I do want pizza.
All right, good.
Pizza it is.
I really need to get out
of this sh*t, babe.
Who are you gonna go to,
the FDA?
WAYNE:
What do you want me to do?
Get shot in the face
by some simp?
They're not gonna sh**t you
if you play ball.
You just gotta keep the sales up
until we're out of this.
Where?
Wayne.
You just have to balance both
for a bit.
You know, once you pay
your debt off, then we're done.
It's over.
Plus, you're making more
at Sectorem, too.
Just sitting in sales
management meetings all day
while people throw out buzzwords
that sound more smart?
Babe, it's all synergies
and systemic paradigms
of cooks in the kitchen
who wear too many hats.
And if they're not busy throwin'
people on the buses,
they're chasin' after
low-hanging fruit
with a plug-and-play system
to make things more scalable,
streamlined, you know?
Sustainable.
What?
Oh, God! Oh, f*ck!
Oh yeah.
Hey, hey.
Bam!
Customer call?
The f*ck are you doing'?
hmm.
Oh, getting my talk time up.
You've been listening
to that sh*t for nine minutes.
RAQUEL:
Mm-hmm.
You know, you got a headset on,
and you're mainlining this sh*t
right into your brain.
I'm disappointed in you, Wayne.
You underestimate the lengths
I'll go through
to not do this job.
You know what?
I feel like celebrating.
So, bam.
Mm. I got my own sh*t.
IVR VOICEOVER 2 (ON PHONE):
Max call time exceeded. Goodbye.
WAYNE:
Perfecto timing.
Hey, want some?
Nah. I brought my own.
RAQUEL:
Give me one of those.
Nope.
What do you mean no?
I shared all of my food
with you yesterday.
BIG GUY:
Uh, you didn't share anything.
I taxed you.
What? I swear--
All right, guys, cheers!
Yeah, cheers.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
I need that baby d*ck special,
dude.
Uh, can't do it, man. We're out.
What are you talkin' about?
Just, like, put up, like,
one or two.
What about you two f*ck' d*ck
tips?
You have nothing? One or two?
Come on! Huh?
Mike.
Mike. You okay?
Yo, Mike.
You all right?
Mike! You all right?
SALES REP MIKE:
Yeah, dude, I'm good.
I'm super good.
I got, like, two hookers
at lunch.
So they'll be back, like,
three grand.
I'll make it back in ten minutes
on the phone.
No one's got anything?
None of you guys?
f*ck you, number one.
Both of you can suck me.
You know what?
You can suck me
from the back, you fat sh*t.
This plant?
Yeah, it's my plant now.
Okay.
Don't.
(SCOFFS)
Yeah.
(GRUNTS)
g*dd*mn.
I gotta take this to Hoppy.
Here, um take her some swag.
I don't know about Mike, guys.
ANNOUNCER:
Doors closing.
Jesus, come the f*ck on, man.
I didn't get a thank you email
after your last visit.
Granted, I am threatening you
and your loved ones,
but let's not abandon civility.
(CHUCKLES)
There's the rest
of the final payment. I'm out.
Oh--
You ready for lunch?
You know what?
Take a shirt.
Oh, Mr. Poss here handles
transportation of our products,
some distribution.
No, not-- not anymore.
(CHUCKLES)
You're walking away
from your largest client?
f*ck you.
I don't give a sh*t
about your evil business.
I'm done with it.
(CHUCKLES)
Everybody says that
about Big Pharma.
Evil, sinister,
propagating addiction.
You know, we--
we don't cure anything.
We just-- we just give you
more pills.
I mean, yes, if a wonder drug,
like, did its job,
yeah, we would
not have our jobs.
But you know what?
No one considers
the invaluable role
that we play in this country.
Four and a half million people
earning a living in our realm,
and accruin' debt,
goin' to college,
buying homes, spending.
I mean, you take
the Big Pharma brick
out of the wall,
that is the American economy,
oh, I mean, the whole thing
just-- just crashes down.
Well said.
Yeah, we're a crucial piece.
And you rip off drivers,
you degrade dock workers,
belittle dispatchers
for your progressions
and commissions,
and then you just recline
in your Herman Miller chairs,
arguin' about fantasy football
and where you're gonna
order lunch from.
You are just another spoke
on the corporate wheel.
Well, you know,
the thing is about spokes,
if you lose one,
the whole wheel just collapses.
And that is exactly why you're
not quitting anything.
But hey, thanks for the swag.
I love swag.
I heard you served our country.
Call me sometime.
f*ck' b*tch.
No. No, no.
I wasn't talking about--
about you.
I have a feeling that
they're gonna leave you alone.
(CHUCKLES)
I didn't know we were telling
jokes today.
Ha-ha, well, here's one.
My boyfriend rides me better
than he rides a bike.
Hey, come on now.
Come on, meet me
in the middle of the court!
KELLSTROM:
Tough spot.
Caught in the middle
between Big Pharma
and her boyfriend?
RAQUEL:
Uh-huh. No, she's a snake.
KELLSTROM:
What's your deal with her?
-Jealous?
-(RAQUEL SCOFFS)
RAQUEL:
Yeah, right,
she's a Tuesday for me.
She just came out of nowhere,
and now he's just different.
She's fake.
Even if she didn't actively
deceive people
to suck them
into a corporate hellscape.
KELLSTROM:
It's called recruiting.
RAQUEL:
Right.
She's just so-- I don't know,
shame on the last generation
for not pulling out more.
What the f*ck you tell her?
Huh? Did you tell her
we know each other?
Cool it, baby d*ck.
Hey, Wayne, baby, are you okay?
Yeah, babe,
everything's just fine!
-(GRUNTS)
-Oh, God!
Prick.
SHANE:
Baby d*ck!
(SHANE GROANS)
Get some training wheels,
you little b*tch!
f*ck you!
SHANE:
f*ck you!
(GROANS)
What are you lookin' at?
Stop lookin', I'm part
of Big Pharma, m*therf*cker!
I'm gonna throw up.
KELLSTROM:
So you and your little posse
were being followed?
RAQUEL:
Followed.
Stalked.
What's the difference?
You could've come to us.
Hey, officer, the guys
we're dealing drugs for
are askin' us
to deal more drugs!
Send help!
Beep, boop, boop.
(SCOFFS)
Better than this.
A pair of concrete shoes,
divers found at the bottom
of Lake Michigan.
I love Chicago.
(CHUCKLES)
Or this.
Hoppy literally had it sewn
into the guy's chest.
(RETCHES)
Wait, that's actually
pretty clever.
Oh, my God, I thought
you would be alarmed!
RAQUEL:
Look at me.
You really think I care anymore?
Now you ruined my lunch,
so thank you so much.
What's that?
Take a look at this sh*t.
What the f*ck is this?
Ogre Sentry.
Yeah, it's got to be Greaves.
Harvest Hand.
(BIG GUY PANTING)
Jesus.
Guys, Daisy.
WAYNE:
What about Daisy?
BIG GUY:
They-- they're threatening
my daughter!
WAYNE:
f*ck, is she all right?
Don't.
What the f*ck, man?
Is she all right?
Is she all right?
Huh, she's good.
She's good.
What the hell's on your shirt,
man?
Honey barbecue sauce.
Oh, Jesus f*cking Christ!
What, do we k*ll them both?
No, double m*rder
doesn't solve anything.
Wait, is that
what double m*rder is?
That you k*ll two people?
-What else--
-...please.
Would that mean?
Well, like, a more severe type.
-Like, a worse degree?
-Yeah.
-Who is this guy?
-Goddammit, babe, that hurts.
Like, you k*ll em
and then you're not satisfied,
so you dig em up
and you k*ll em again?
-...sh*t.
-That's a f*ck' double m*rder.
We're not killin' no one,
not once or twice.
Nothing changes.
Status quo.
Agreed.
Oh, at least I got this joint
in my hair.
Here. Yes, please.
I need some of that, please.
Don't ever touch my weed,
I swear to God.
So, we're really talkin' about
firing Mike.
(DEVICE BEEPS)
Have you seen
his numbers lately?
You can't put
in a European effort
and expect Asian results.
Oh, my God, you know
how r*cist you sound?
Don't judge me.
Judgy Wudgy was a Wayney.
Jesus Christ.
Look--
(GRUNTS)
I don't wanna fire him either.
I was hoping we could get him
to quit.
I even researched bullying
techniques.
All I could find
was page after page
of prevention methods.
Look, Wayne.
-(DEVICE BEEPS)
-Ugh!
If we don't burn him,
I can't churn.
Plus, I think he's on drugs.
And that worries me.
Well, if we're so concerned
about his health,
shouldn't we try to help him?
-(LAUGHS)
-What?
I don't give two shits
about his health.
It's affecting his numbers.
Why can't they do blow,
like when I was a sales rep?
You touch screen, Gen Z,
LGPDQ,
this, them, they, us,
pronoun addicted, mumble rap,
opioid using.
Oh, my God.
(GRUNTS)
Fine. I'll go fire his a*s then.
Me.
This will be good for you,
Wayne.
And firing someone is a rite
of passage.
It'll be, like,
your bat mitzvah,
only instead
of getting circumcised,
you'll actually grow a pair.
(LAUGHS)
This feels like a mistake.
Mike! Mike! Wait!
Whoa! Hoo! Hoo!
Whoa! Whoa!
Oh. Uh, it wasn't herpes.
All clear. You're all good!
What? What was it then?
Have a good life, man!
(SIGHS)
Actually, dude, will you, uh,
will you take me
to the police station?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
IN BACKGROUND)
What?
(MIKE CLEARS THROAT)
Get your notepad out.
Wayne.
You animal.
I had no idea.
(CHUCKLES)
WAYNE:
Jesus, will you quit
dickin' around, man?
How did you sneak those in here?
I didn't.
Wait, I didn't.
Where's the package slip?
Where's the package slip?
Here. Wait.
Wait.
Uh, what number do you have?
I got 98523329.
RAQUEL:
Wait. Wait, wait.
Mine ends in 326, which means...
Wait.
Means-- means all of these
are dildos.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
You know the sex shop
Slippery Carrot, right?
I resent that implication.
Also, yes.
Knew it.
They were expecting a shipment
of dildos.
Got pills instead.
Bummer.
-Bill of landing?
-Lading.
Lading.
Digital.
Tell me it was a local
freight brokerage.
It was a local
freight brokerage.
It was a local
freight brokerage.
Yeah. Hey, that's my coffee cup.
Oh.
Hey, that's mine!
Local dispatcher
stonewalling us.
You mind pullin' out a little
bit of your, uh, female charm?
Mm, you're about four words
from bein' a pimp, Wayne.
No.
Fine. I'll do it.
-(KEYS DIALING)
-(DIALTONE RINGING)
C. FOSTER TRACKING REPRESENTATIVE ON PHONE:
C. Foster Trackin'.
Hi, yeah, can I get
a tracking update
for Pro 98523329?
C. FOSTER TRACKING REPRESENTATIVE ON PHONE:
That's been turned over
to Detective Bordeaux.
Great. Thanks, Wayne.
We're all going to jail.
No, no, we're not.
We're good. We're not.
Maybe you could use
your service record, you know,
and get a little pull
with the police?
He was kicked out
of the Coast Guard!
You're not a g*dd*mn w*r hero!
f*ck!
Uh, how could you lie
about the Coast Guard?
They protect our shores.
(SIGHS)
You do, for what we're doing,
you look amazing.
Okay, it's all about
who you interview, okay?
You get some buy-the-book suit,
all right?
He's likely to clam up.
He's not gonna give you
any sensitive info, all right?
But you get some idiot, right,
just running his mouth,
blah, blah, blah.
Keep that guy talkin',
keep him talkin', okay?
Fingers crossed for the idiot.
All right.
Don't let em see you sweat.
You got this.
Beautiful, my favorite shirt.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, come in.
(CHUCKLES)
Mr. Dwyer. Tracy Fisher, SLN.
Please sit.
Quite an operation out there.
Well, the key is maintaining
our simplicity.
Uh, success can sometimes breed
complications.
Take Pearl Jam's album Ten,
the apex of musical progress.
It featured simple song titles.
Once.
Alive.
Huh?
Jeremy.
(HUMS)
Oceans.
Black?
Oh, they blew up
and became immensely successful.
Then you get Elderly Woman
Sitting Behind the Counter
in a Small Town,
which is terrible.
(BOTH LAUGHS)
So dumb.
You know, one of the pillars
we based your award on
was service. Care to--
A to Z, baby.
Our team members
in tech can handle it all.
Oh, good technology.
The best.
It's web-based.
So our reps can log in
and dispatch from anywhere.
I'll give you a-- a demo login
so you can write about its
functionality.
Oh, that just sounds wonderful.
Switching gears,
how's your claims process?
Don't talk to me about claims.
It'll make my p*nis go soft.
(LAUGHING)
I'm just kidding.
You can ask me.
Unfortunately, sometimes product
does go missing,
but we settle claims 40% faster
than the industry average.
My turn to ask you a question.
How do you ship your magazines?
Well, don't ask me about that.
It'll make my cl*t go soft.
Excuse me?
I'm just kidding.
It's above my pay grade.
You freight brokers love to yap.
I wasn't planning
on his demo login actually
working, though.
I'm surprised you're surprised.
You ever work for someone
who tripped on a banana peel
and landed in the job
they shouldn't be doin'?
Oh, he's an idiot.
Makes me so angry.
I can't relate.
(SIGHS)
DWYER:
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
Thanks for comin' in.
Thank you,
I appreciate your time.
DWYER:
Real pleasure to meet you.
KELLSTROM:
You, too, have a good day.
DWYER:
You, too, thank you.
Uh, that was good.
That's weird, you know,
that was good.
The work doesn't do itself.
Get me lunch, coke, chips,
turkey club, diet.
He pitched me their services.
BORDEAUX:
What about the P&P account?
(CHUCKLES)
Multiple reps entering orders.
Uh, team lead is Wayne Poss,
but we don't know
if he's capable.
Why not, who is he?
-Job jumper, quitter.
-Mm.
Never finishes anything.
I found transcripts
from three colleges.
When he finally graduated,
he enlisted
in the US Coast Guard
where he was dishonorably
discharged.
From the Coast Guard,
is that even possible?
It is possible, I looked it up.
What have you been doing
since I've been gone?
Just workin'
on my eye-hand coordination.
I'm gettin' a little older
and, you know,
I just wanna stay sharp.
What the f*ck did he do
to get discharged
from the Coast Guard?
He was renting yachts
to Germans making fetish films.
Fetish films?
KELLSTROM:
I'm sure you're familiar.
Can we get a look
at any of these?
Just to see what-- I don't know.
Evidence, you know?
KELLSTROM:
Yeah, let me just call
the president of yachting.
Okay.
(GRUNTS)
-RAQUEL: Wayne! Wayne!
-Yeah.
RAQUEL:
Wayne!
What? What?
RAQUEL:
Sleeping puppies.
I'm here. What?
They're gone!
Sleeping puppies.
Hoppy took the dogs.
The crates are empty.
KELLSTROM:
They'd have been safe
in a shelter.
Seriously?
KELLSTROM:
Too bad he lost your deposit.
You know what I don't get
is Big Guy's daughter.
Eh, kids suck.
Wayne's hand?
He's got another one.
But threaten the mutts?
Mixed breeds, d*ck.
HOPPY ON PHONE:
Yes?
WAYNE:
Hoppy, we need to talk.
HOPPY ON PHONE:
You don't summon me,
I summon you.
Are you looking to adopt a dog?
Better hurry
if you wanna hold one.
What the f*ck!
What is-- what is--
is this amusing to you?
Please, just--
just come outside!
HOPPY ON PHONE:
Look, Wayne,
if you're confronting me here,
in my happy place,
you better bring a g*n.
(PHONE HANGS UP)
(WAYNE SIGHS)
I am flummoxed.
You are in a pivotal place
where you literally make money
off your team.
This isn't about money.
It's always about the money,
Wayne.
In our free enterprise,
it is driven by supply
and demand.
Yeah, well, Adam Smith said
the free market only works
if you got a good heart.
Well, uh, what's more
good-hearted
than giving people
exactly what they want
and having a team
do all the dirty work?
Yeah, key word being dirty.
Hey, did you know that 90%
of the heroin in our world
comes from poppy fields
owned by the Taliban?
You know,
I liked you a lot better
when you were just a nerd
playing video games.
Yeah, it's funneled
from Columbia
and onto our streets.
You and I, Wayne,
we are replacing that heroin.
So is that a pellet g*n?
What are you gonna do,
sh**t people with pellets?
Not people, Wayne.
(GROANS)
Children.
Jesus, what in the actual hell
are you?
I am a revolutionary!
No, I am a patriot.
If you don't support Big Pharma,
then you support the Taliban.
Okay, what about
a third option? Huh?
One that doesn't involve
fricking horror.
I'm not a drug lord.
(CHUCKLES)
What-- what about thousands
of opioids
you have flooded
into the streets?
I was just repaying a debt.
If Big Pharma is so bad, Wayne,
why do people go through insane
extremes to get in with us?
Oh, and Greaves
was telling me about
a certain pretty lady.
No, you keep her and my friends
out of this.
I'm beggin' you.
I need you to up the deliveries
to eight pallets.
I want these pills
to flow like Capri-Sun
at the halftime
of a kids soccer game.
You remember when we were kids,
the Capri-Suns,
the orange slices?
You want the cards to stop,
right?
I need em twice a week.
You better run!
You better run!
(KID YELLING)
(INDISTINCT VIDEO GAME VOICE)
BIG GUY:
You don't think
I could pull off William.
Is it the beard?
RAQUEL:
You look like you could jerk off
a William.
What the f*ck
you two talkin' about?
Oh. Oh, us?
We're just talkin' about
how we're gonna have to, um,
change our names
when we go on the road,
because we're now being stalked
by psycho nerds and the police,
thanks to you.
Guys, it--
it's gonna take a while
for the cops
to connect the dots to us.
Mm.
Oh, and cheese d*ck Dwyer, too,
because you know that guy
has a sensor on his ba*ls
for every time a shipping
gets lost.
What the hell's your problem?
I mean, I'm actively tryin'
to fix this sh*t.
What's my problem?
My problem
is you're either gonna get
me arrested or-- or k*lled,
Wayne.
Do you ever think
about other people?
Other people, like Mike.
You created a straight up psycho
with Mike.
WAYNE:
I feel awful about that.
RAQUEL:
Mm, mm-hmm.
Yeah, he was meeker
than a m*therf*cker
when I started.
And now if that guy
was on House Hunters,
all he would want
is a crawlspace. You--
Jesus, I said I feel sorry
about it, okay?
RAQUEL:
Mm. Mm-hmm.
BIG GUY:
You can't quit that account.
Hoppy can lean
on you all she wants.
This is so dull.
I am out of here.
Yeah,
I actually have to go, too.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Jesus, all I want
is a tiny freakin' house, man.
(CHUCKLES)
We have a signed contract,
Wayne.
Guaranteeing service levels
above 99.5%.
You remember?
Name a f*ck' store
or an airline company
or government infrastructure
that operates above 70%.
99.5, really?
It's Prine & Prine's contract.
We signed it.
Okay, so what's with the 0.5%?
Like, 99 isn't absurd enough?
You just tryin' to be a d*ck?
Pallets are missing, Wayne.
Find them!
Not so fast.
Success comes when we execute
with grit and hustle.
Congratulations on meeting goal.
Yeah, go ahead.
(DINGS)
God, Jesus f*cking Christ!
What?
I have to work a birthday party,
as*h*le.
Boo!
(CHUCKLES)
RAQUEL:
See ya.
KELLSTROM:
Bordeaux.
Yeah?
More deliveries coming.
Oh, pick her up.
Ugh!
Pick up the freakin' phone,
Ashley.
f*ck! f*ck!
(PHONE CHIMES)
Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
f*ck' work already!
(PHONE CHIMES)
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Ashley! Ashley!
(GASPS)
Door was open.
You gotta
be more careful locking up.
People will steal your stuff.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
IN BACKGROUND)
(YAWNS)
Why are you covering for them?
I'm not covering for anyone.
They k*lled
my f*cking girlfriend.
(GRUNTS)
Oh, wow.
Look, I'm pretty much a lawyer.
Oh, is that, like, a degree
you finished or...
Let's listen to em.
(BEEPS)
KELLSTROM:
How long have you worked
at Sectorem Logistics?
13 months.
And how long have you really
been working at Prine & Prine?
(SIGHS)
Four years.
Your promotion to VP
of logistics?
Made official last week.
KELLSTROM ON SPEAKER:
And how long have you been
married to Shane Greaves?
Three years.
Ouch.
Yeah, they played you, Wayne.
What a drag.
I'm so sorry.
We wanna help you, okay?
If you just help us.
We arrested the mastermind.
Come on, come on. I'll show you.
What are you?
What are you, a clown?
WAYNE:
Raquel.
Uh, grow up.
And it's like, Excuse me
but I'm the clown,
and, like, I do trick
bappa boopity.
She, uh...
She-- she what?
I don't understand.
I saw Ashley's blood.
There was blood
all over the house.
What?
Ah, the blood!
Yeah, that came back
from the lab.
Honey barbecue sauce.
Hmm.
That fat m*therf*cker.
Who? What?
That's not very nice.
What, uh--
Am I under arrest?
Am I under arrest?
Technically?
-No.
-No?
No. Uh...
m*therf*cker.
Should have said yes.
Should have said yes.
ANNOUNCER:
Doors closing.
Hey, don't do anything stupid.
You and Ashley in cahoots, huh?
Are you?
I thought we were a f*ck'
team, man!
You don't even
have a g*dd*mn kid!
Do you even work for Pharma?
I just invest in em.
I buy stocks.
The price has never been higher.
Why do you think Ashley put me
on your team?
This ain't about
the f*ck' stock price!
Grow up, Wayne.
Everything's about
the stock price.
Oh, yeah?
What do you think the stock's
gonna do when they learn
about P&P's doin' by fuelin'
the addiction out here?
(LAUGHING)
It's gonna go up, man.
Come on. Think about it.
Pandemic. Stocks go up.
Racial unrest in the streets.
Stocks go up.
Insurrection in the capital.
Stocks go up.
Come on, man.
We can't stop the machine.
It just keeps chuggin' along,
Wayne.
Now, you can either do
something stupid,
like, double m*rder me
off this roof,
or follow me to my car.
(LAUGHING)
f*ck!
(CAR DOOR BEEPING)
Bam!
That's a 100 grand.
You knew I was comin'.
Clown on Big Pharma
all you want,
but you're in it now, brother.
You did all of this right
from the start cause of greed.
You're letting Raquel sit
in jail cause of greed.
And you're gonna
take this big fat bag of money
cause of greed.
Come on, man.
Smell it. Smell it.
Come on, smell it, baby.
Come on, Wayne.
Smell me.
Get yourself a new car.
I've seen your apartment.
It's real shitty, Wayne.
All right, shut the f*ck up,
man!
Wayne, come on, dude!
I've seen where you live, bro!
You got security cameras?
No, cause you can't afford em!
That's why you need the money!
(SNIFFLES)
Save changes?
Why the f*ck not.
The effects of future's
purchases on market cities.
We are very proud
of the regional spike in volume,
especially here in Chicago.
(WARBLED SPEECH)
(GRUNTS)
Big problem.
Messed up deliveries.
HOPPY:
You're interrupting a meeting
because of messed up deliveries?
How many?
SHANE:
Well, we found 250 so far.
Opioids going to nursing homes
and police stations.
Boxes of Congesti-phed goin'
to schools by the hundreds.
P&P EXECUTIVE:
And?
And our stock?
It's f*cking tanked.
Hoo!
Yeah, account 610221.
I have a lot of calls
I need to cancel.
And dozens of deliveries
still missing.
Where could those pills be?
I don't know.
Oh! Whoa, whoa!
Delivery for Hoppy.
I don't know who them is.
Call my corporate lawyer,
please, for me.
You don't work here anymore.
You're firing me?
I'm not a drug dealer!
Who gives a sh*t about dealing?
Look at our stock.
Look.
Okay. don't...
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
(GRUNTS)
(SLURPS)
So how many more nights are you
gonna spend here for Wayne?
It's weird.
Uh, we searched Hoppy's place.
Just a bunch of nerd games.
Wayne's a good guy.
He's a good guy.
Yeah, he's real good.
He, uh, he stole money
from a-- a--
a big guy named Big Guy.
(TAKES DEEP BREATHS)
Fortunately, we have
a replacement lined up for her.
Well, I hope her replacement
knows as much about freight
as she does.
He should.
He's from a local
logistics company.
I have met him.
Well, where is he?
Why are you protecting P&P?
I mean, P&P
has already rebounded
with their stock
after the announcement
of a new transportation
executive. What is this?
KELLSTROM:
Probably a manifesto.
Dear Detective Bordeaux,
you can release Raquel.
She didn't set up a single
shipment or steal a single pill
from Prine & Prine.
You'll find printouts
of all the orders
in the envelope.
You can tell
from the corresponding
IP addresses that I entered them
from my apartment
while you were ba*ls deep--
Wow!
In profiling Raquel
and had her in jail.
Wow, this kinda answers a lot
of questions, doesn't it?
KELLSTROM:
That is gross.
Either a submarine or a p*nis.
-BORDEAUX: It's kinda cute.
-KELLSTROM: There's a P.S.
Yeah. Oh. P.S.
It would be wrong
for that fat f*ck
to keep his 100 grand.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, come on. What--
Oh. uh...
That's not what we wanted to be
in there.
What-- what is going on?
Oh, no!
No, don't-- no, don't, no!
(SIGHS)
Raquel, where is Wayne Poss?
Sorry, I'm late.
I got lost on my way over.
Every team needs a Jew.
(GRUNTING)
(CHUCKLES)
Welcome.
Strong.
(TRAFFIC NOISES)
So, surveillance everywhere?
His house, his car, Sectorem.
Where are you Wayne?
Just that...
Don't touch that.
Okay.
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Oxy Morons (2025)
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