k*lling Mary Sue (2025)

[bunniefuu]

-Dad, look! I drew us.

-What?

- Other side.

- Oh.

- So beautiful! Look, that's me

and that's you, and...

...and the other-- Yes!

Oh, my God!

I'm gonna hold on to this

forever and ever.

You know, you deserve the world,

sugar plum.

And I'm gonna give it to you.

I mean, big-a*s house,

toys, parties, friends!

You ready to go get it?

We're gonna go in there

and scrounge up

our investment capital

right now.

Let's go get it.

What do you want?

-Anything at all.

-Ice cream!

Yes! Good choice!

All right, now listen,

go grab a bunch,

but remember,

do not turn around.

Got it?

Okay, baby. Use your hands.

- Yo,

open the register!

Give me the f*cking money!

Everybody,

get a load of this one,

you're not gonna believe it.

From trailer park trash

to Washington political trash.

No, no, no!

Let's, let's hear it.

We can confirm Senator

Bradley Weiner's stepdaughter,

Mary Sue Harper,

has returned today home

following her massive scandal

this week in Moscow.

The allegations? Sex,

violent confrontations

with authorities,

enough drugs

to k*ll an elephant,

and guess

who bailed her out again?

I mean, what business

does she even have over there?

She's a spoiled brat,

plain and simple.

Never thought of anything

other than her own

selfish desires

-and her own--

-Okay, that, that's enough.

This story has--

Are you serious?

Just, uh, don't tell

the big guy, huh?

Carrie?

Yeesh!

Carrie! You home?

Got my stuff?

And the housekeeper

pulls through again.

- She's in her room, I think.

-Nice.

Hey, you think I can hit it?

I bet she puts out super easy.

Careful.

She's a druggie piece of sh*t, just like her real dad.

He was stabbed or shot,

or what was it?

Stabbed 12 times

in the face and neck.

-Pretty f*cking sick,

if you ask me.

-How the f*ck

- did you get down here?

- And I only put out

if you can punch me

in the face. Hard.

All right? No p*ssy sh*t.

I'm talking broken orbitals.

Okay? Send me to the next week.

S-- scratch that,

next f*cking month.

Okay? You can rock me like that,

I'll let you photograph me

however the hell you want.

How's that for a deal?

Gandhi once said,

"Do what you love and you'll

never work a day in your life."

- And, well, it,

it's a long story.

- People call me spoiled,

people call me entitled,

but I know where

the anger comes from.

They're jealous.

They're lucky if they can

just barely scrape by

and pay their bills

working some sh*t job.

Well, I'm lucky because my dad

robbed a convenience store

when I was seven.

- Give me

the f*cking money!

- f*ck, man,

I was just--

Cue my mom's sl*t face...

...her meeting

Mayor Bradley Weiner

at a fundraiser...

...Mayor Bradley Weiner becoming

Senator Bradley Weiner...

...and Senator Bradley Weiner

freeing us from the tyranny

of having to live real lives.

Look at me now, Dad! I get

to have all your fun with none

of the consequences, don't I?

- People say that Bradley

only got married to further

his political goals

or something.

And also that he's trying

to get rid of me.

Like the time he sent me away

to another country?

- Or that I'm an abuse victim...

- whatever that means.

But again, that's just

stupid people being

stupid jealous.

- ...great to see you--

- If I could use

one word to describe

my stepdad...

...it would be honest,

loyal, hard-working, and pure.

- He's not the guy who says

one thing and does another

behind closed doors.

He lives his values.

I hope you vote for me

in 20 years. Thank you, Mommy!

Being a senator's kid truly

allows you to live your life

the way Gandhi would've wanted.

Rules? Not my problem.

Money? Not my problem.

Problems?

Not my f*cking problem.

And he'll never say it...

...but I know why he does it.

It's because he loves me.

I mean,

I'm pretty sure he loves me.

The senator's stepdaughter

attacked two photographers

outside her home.

Inserting their own cameras

up their a**l cavities.

After she claimed that they,

and I'd like to quote her

on this...

..."Couldn't hit her

in the damn face hard enough."

Get down there!

I mean, like,

why wouldn't he love me?

Mary Sue Harper got kidnaped

for a third time!

Another high profile scandal

for Senator Weiner,

as the Navy SEALs are

once again called in

- to rescue her

on the taxpayer's dime.

He definitely loves me.

- Mary Sue Harper...

- Mary Sue Harper was detained this afternoon.

- -Mary Sue Harper...

- Mary Sue Harper...

- ...has seduced

the Prime Minister of Malaysia

and stolen his kidneys.

She is a national...

...security risk.

Because, truth be told,

I would literally take

a b*llet for that man.

I need you

to put a b*llet in her.

- The waters

are very choppy

as Senator Weiner looks to be

reelected for his fourth term.

His opponent,

activist Anita Koch,

surges even further

in the polls.

Many are claiming this to be

the beginning of the end

of a long, hard road for Weiner.

Various analysts are looking

at the data and making

-grim predictions for Weiner

as his path to victory narrows.

-Here you go, sir.

-Only two months ago, he was

leading by double digits...

-But--

-...and now that's...

-Cut that into triangles.

It's more sandwich that way.

Oh, of, of course, sir.

There's a lot of housekeepers

I could go with, so don't

make me regret buying American.

-I understand.

Won't happen again.

-...push in the coming week...

Carrie.

-...he will secure...

-Triangles.

More sandwich.

Yes, sir. I understand.

Lucky I'm

in a good mood tonight.

The thing is, you need to take

control of your life, girl.

And he is never

gonna let you do that.

You know, Paige,

you're so f*cking right.

God, I'm so happy

to hear you finally say that.

Right? Like, he's weak!

-He is. And holding you back!

-100%.

Like, sending you

around the world

to pick up bags of cash.

It's a power play,

with all his foreign bribes.

What better way to make sure

they know they're below him

than to make them hand

the money over to someone

he thinks is such a f*ck up?

W-- wait, uh,

who are you talking about?

Your stepdad?

What? No! Bradley's awesome!

Who did you think

we were talking about?

Those f*cking losers

who couldn't punch me

-in the face hard enough.

-What?

It's like,

just go for it, you know?

Like, if I give you

full permission,

why you gotta hold back?

-What?

-You know, Paige,

thanks for talking this through.

Really needed your support.

Your stepfather's coming.

It's time to check in on her.

-What's the price today?

-U-- um, skim, whole,

2%, or organic?

Whole.

It's, uh, it's, uh,

it's, uh, $4.38 a gallon.

Uh, com-- co-- come in!

sh*t!

Mary Sue, on the bed.

Janine, let's have a word.

This doesn't go there.

Uh, my adorable little girl.

You've always been

so faithful and supportive.

You've been

my greatest champion,

and I'll never forget it.

Thanks, Bradley. You know

how much I love you.

And I... love

u--nique gifts.

Which is why we got you

a very unique and special gift.

We've been eagerly anticipating

your trip tomorrow.

Six months gone in a flash,

and now here you are,

off to one of your big,

important jobs.

Yeah, I always do feel

a strange urge to go back.

What the hell's going on?

Oh, uh, and I did wanna mention,

um, one other small,

tiny, little loose end.

About two years ago,

I brokered a deal

with Vladyslav Volkov.

It was a smart deal at the time.

It got Mary Sue

into the boardroom

at his banana farm,

she didn't have to do

diddly squat.

And it got him a steady stream

of American intel and influence.

You know, the whole shebang.

Did you just say...

Russian banana farm?

Well, Volkov wants her back

in Russia soon.

Yeah, so that's one more

little critical reason

we need...

to just make sure

she's out of this picture.

-No Mary Sue,

no scandals in Siberia.

-Ah.

But, but Russian banana farm?

Well-- uh--

This Vladyslav Volkov guy

is one serious badass

psychopath.

He's smart

and he's unpredictable.

So that is why this job

has to be so clean,

you could eat off it.

So, when the accusations

go flying,

all those nosy little faces

are looking everywhere...

...but this guy.

What the hell's going on?

One plane ticket to Moscow.

- Hmm.

- And...

One reservation,

completely off the grid,

to help you get better!

That, um, whole rehab thing?

Yeah. That was, uh,

that was Janine's idea,

I, I would've said no--

Well, except the girl's

never gonna make it back

- to Russia in the first place.

- Exactly.

- Are you f*cking

kidding me?

- You have a bright future!

You are practically

American royalty.

If you guys wanted to get me

some kind of special gift,

-you could've gotten me a-- t--

f*ck, I don't know, a stripper!

-What?

Like a gigolo in some tight

leather pants or something.

- You need to find a calling

in life outside of...

-...outside of your vices.

-Or you could find solace

in drinking and dancing,

partying and vodka in Moscow.

Sure that's the real reason

you're compelled

to go back there, isn't it?

I know it.

Look, I-- I'm not--

t-- this isn't...

...I'm on

my best behavior, okay?

I've got this under control.

We are doing this

because we love you, Mary Sue.

Right, Bradley?

Just listen to your mother.

How can I say "no" to you

if this is what you want?

But I swear on all that is holy,

if you're really

making me do this,

before I leave tomorrow,

you will utter those three

magical words,

"I love you,"

no matter what it takes.

I f*cking hate you with every

g*dd*mn fiber of my being.

But soon,

all the pain will be over.

We'll be free. I'll be free!

Because after tonight...

you will be

as dead as a doornail.

No matter what it takes.

I'm so grateful! Thank you!

Uh--

Well, I know you wanna

get up bright and early,

you got that flight to catch.

Yeah, bright and early.

-Oh! I should

probably give you that.

-Yeah.

Oh, okay. Um,

all right. Okay.

f*ck.

So, then, I eat

my triangle sandwich,

I text Volkov to expect

Mary Sue the very next day,

and that I have full intention

of continuing our relationship.

I say good night to my wife,

kiss her on the cheek,

and head out

for an evening with the guys.

- Yeah,

'cause this campaign

has been long

and he deserves it.

So, it happens, that's--

you know, when he's, he's gone.

Is the team ready?

Ah, the Steiners. Yeah,

they're sick this week.

COVID.

-But I got a golden boy.

-I really wanted the Steiners.

-He really wanted the Steiners.

-He wants one guy.

It's quieter.

It's more maneuverable

for a high class job like this.

Yeah. Go on.

So, his birthday's

in three weeks. Do I,

- do I, do I get him

something tonight, or...

...sh*t, do I even have time?

Or, uh, or, or, or I could

get him a stripper,

'cause who wouldn't be

into that, but--

Wait, nah,

Mom would hate that.

- sh*t. Uh,

I could get him, uh--

- What the hell

are you talking about?

For Bradley to open up to me

before I go back to Russia.

-Oh, the banana farm gig?

-Uh, yeah.

Plus, uh, something else.

God damn it! That's not fair!

Suck my d*ck, lady!

Choke on my f*cking chode,

you little dipshit!

$3.77 for 2%.

-$3.77.

-Mom...

- $3...

- ...why are guys, like,

obsessed with their dicks?

It's like everything just

boils down to that one thing.

Happy d*ck, angry d*ck,

confused d*ck.

Oh, were you

studying your milk thing?

Honey, I think, um,

it would really mean

a lot to him

if you took

your treatment seriously.

It's gonna be hard

at first, yeah,

but it's what's best

for the campaign.

That's what's most important.

How do I help him

with this campaign?

That's what he wants from me,

that's how

I break through to him.

f*ck.

Gentlemen,

I'm giving you Cable Henry.

Certified genius at birth.

Admitted to Mensa

by the age of seven.

Full ride scholarships

to Harvard, Yale, and MIT.

And he gave it all up

for a blood lust.

And I'm really glad that he did,

because he's able to use

his genius in other ways.

Like getting rich k*lling folk.

Cable Henry knows

at least a thousand ways

to k*ll a man

as painfully as possible.

I once saw him skin a man alive

with a plastic spoon.

And the spoon never broke.

Who else?

Uh, laundry, uh...

...bedroom upstairs.

Huh.

It's gonna,

it's gonna feel real.

Um, just...

I don't want them to get hurt.

Carrie, she's been with us

for ten years, and...

...Janine...

I need her.

J-- could he just scare them?

Just so hard, this part,

really, it's really hard.

Maybe you'll find a way

to justify it.

Say that it's Mary Sue's

drugged out ex-boyfriend

or somebody

who she owes money to,

or it could be that we k*ll

two birds with one stone here.

Eliminate Mary Sue,

and I also garner

the sympathy vote.

Janine must remain in the dark.

She always does.

My honest philosophy?

There are two kinds of people

in the world.

Some people assume control,

and some people...

are controlled.

Yes.

Oh, my God, no way!

f*ck yeah!

Just, just one second.

I, I gotta, I gotta go

to the bathroom first.

You know, I mean, I just wanna

freshen up, you know?

Not that I don't

appreciate the-- Okay.

Oh-- oh. Oh!

Yes, Daddy!

f*cking hell!

Do you know who my stepdad is?

Mm!

Mm!

f*cking what?

Do we have to do this

in front of my mom?

Unless you'd be into it.

I mean, I didn't really think

you liked this sort of thing,

but, hey,

I'm not one to kink shame.

f*cking Christ.

I'm really gonna enjoy this.

Make sure she suffers...

...the way I've suffered.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Go hard! Please!

f*ck, did Bradley get you off

f*cking Craigslist or something?

No, no, f*ck, no!

Do I need to show you?

Like this.

Oh, sh*t.

- Hello.

- Uh, Bradley?

Mary Sue. Are you okay?

I k*lled the hooker.

I'm telling you,

consent is BDSM 101,

and, and you're right,

it's f*cked that

he didn't get your consent,

but he definitely had that

in mind when he was doing

your restraints.

-Could've slipped out

whenever you wanted.

-No, we weren't getting out.

- How did you even do that?

- Punch him so hard.

Oh, Bradley! Thank God!

Tell them the dude was here

-'cause you sent him for me.

-Oh-- Yeah, yeah. Uh,

God, yeah! I didn't send any--

I mean, that's preposterou--

I mean-- never do

such a thing, that's not--

H-- I'm--

thank God nobody got hurt!

By any chance,

did anyone call the police?

- We were

going to, but then--

- Nah, f*ck the cops.

Honey, please talk

some sense into her!

I-- th-- they--

they'll know it was an accident!

-Self-defense!

-Do you mind? I'm--

-She's probably right.

-Well, listen, I-- I just

don't think we should make any

-rash decisions--

-Shouldn't--

Really, we have to think

about the campaign.

Yeah, come on. f*ck the pigs!

Are we sure about this? U--

W-- we need to know

that we are safe.

Yeah, we're safe, we're safe!

-Safe.

-Promise you, we're safe.

Oh, my God! What is happening?

Knox! Cable Henry is dead!

-There's gonna be hell to pay.

-No way. Cable Henry is

a legend.

This gotta happen tonight!

She cannot go

to the airport tomorrow.

Call the Steiners now.

I told you,

the Steiners have COVID.

But are they sick-sick,

or are they asymptomatic?

All right,

I'll make the call, okay?

I think they're close by,

but they're gonna want

- a lot more money.

- Pay them!

Bradley...

-...let me do it.

-You're my campaign manager.

-I can do it. You know I can.

-It's too risky.

I f*cking hate her so much.

Well, stop it,

you're creeping me out.

-I didn't do--

-Oh, my God!

-What is happening?

-Is this part of the sex game?

-The what? The sex game?

-Huh?

Bradley, tell them. You bought

the hooker because you love me.

Wait. Oh, my God.

That guy wasn't a hooker,

was he?

- Shut the f*ck

up...

- Oh, God!

- Now! Do not f*cking move!

The Steiners.

Oh, my God, the Steiners.

Have them take us all hostage.

Plausible deniability.

I like it.

They're there for you.

And then,

after she's dealt with,

the brave senator

finally negotiates

a peaceful resolution.

- Six cousins,

a combined 18 tours of duty.

All they've ever known

is k*ll or be k*lled.

So why not keep k*lling?

Because their leader,

Chet Steiner,

is a monster.

f*ck!

These are our demands.

You resign from office

or we k*ll everyone.

We don't f*cking play games.

I'll be back in ten minutes

for an answer.

- Oh!

- This is terrorism.

Oh, what are we gonna do?

I've given my life for service,

and this is the reward I get.

Bradley, I--

I think you need to...

...come up with one

of your brilliant speeches

and negotiate us out of this.

I mean-- but, I'm--

I-- Okay. Hmm. Uh--

All I ever wanted,

the poor and the sick,

the rich and powerful

to find, uh, harmony,

to find freedom,

to find a path

that they can blaze...

...um, to the future.

If only they knew my heart...

...yes. Yes, uh,

I don't even know, uh--

You're a man of such influence.

You, you give

so much of yourself,

and the fact that people

take that for granted,

-it's sickening!

-Yeah.

I owe everything to you.

From, from,

from partying

in Rio de Janeiro to,

to my art commissions

in Pyongyang to,

-to smoking crack

with the mayor of Toronto.

-Excuse me?

- I mean, not smoking crack

with the mayor of Toronto.

Yeah, Mary Sue,

about that whole rehab thing,

seriously, it wasn't me,

I didn't have-- uh--

-there was nothing about it--

-It's about everything.

You are not dropping out

of this race, Bradley.

You, you can't lose your voice.

You have far too many

beautiful things to say.

Beautiful words, phrases,

three word phrases that you

shower on those closest to you.

Uh...

...God bless America.

- Mm.

- Close. But maybe,

may-- maybe

if I prove it to you, huh?

Prove. Prove what?

-We fight!

-Oh, absolutely not.

- ...we stay

right here, we, we stall--

-we jump out of a window.

-Janine, no one's jumping

out of a window!

-f*ck!

-What do you mean, fight?

Uh, you know what?

I'll just resign.

No, they'll be f*cking dead

before I let that happen,

Bradley, I promise you.

How do you suggest

that we fight?

They are trained,

they have machine g*ns!

I'm trained.

No, you're not.

But I have a 42% win rate

in solo Battle Royale, Mom!

- Come on!

- Can this really be?

All those years

I fought video games,

I championed the regulations,

and for good reason too.

The youth of America,

the pure, innocent youth

being turned

into heartless K*llers.

-I bet every t*rror1st

out there plays Fortnite.

-Yeah.

-That's why they're

so organized.

-No sh*t.

Mary Sue, this is not

a video game!

Mary Sue.

Listen to your mother.

Don't do it.

Do it. Do it.

Go on, do it, you stupid b*tch!

Go out there, g*ns blazing.

If I drew a crayon picture

of us holding hands together,

would you even put it

on the refrigerator?

-Are you thinking

what I'm thinking?

-I'm sure as hell!

So, what happens next?

Don't f*cking know. Wait another

five minutes or so. Then go up.

Take care of the girl.

Discover the error of our ways.

Yeah. Well, that guy better have

a g*dd*mn amazing monologue

to get us to surrender so fast.

It's the news headline he wants.

- Scott. Five minutes,

all right? Copy?

Copy.

f*ck! The girl is out.

sh**t her?

sh**t her!

sh**t her.

I'll suck your d*ck.

Wait. Seriously?

sh*t!

Try spinning,

that's a good trick.

What the f*ck?

Steiners are down.

I repeat, Steiners are down!

Oh, f*ck,

forgot about the reload thingy.

Hey, guys,

how do you reload?

Oh! God-- f*ck.

Remember,

stealth is for pussies.

Hmm. Nice.

sh*t!

Stop sweeping my f*cking leg!

Something's wrong, Chet!

Something's wrong!

- Chet! Help! Help!

Somebody call 911!

It's stuck!

I need a Band-Aid,

somebody get me a Band-Aid!

Ricky! No!

Should leave this.

sh*t!

f*ck!

- Hey, Paige.

- What up?

Isn't auto aiming the best?

You, like, barely even

have to try.

Yeah.

Heh.

Janine,

oh, my God. Is she here?

You know,

I'm starting to think

none of these guys

have even played Fortnite.

- Yo-- you gotta

let me do it, Bradley.

You know I'm your man,

I can do it. Please!

You're okay. Yeah. That's it.

Let it out.

Let it out. Yeah, let it out.

Let the poison out.

You gotta let me do it.

Let me do it.

- I'm your man.

- I'm your man. I can do it.

- I'm good.

- Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Feeling better? Get it all out.

Yeah, there you go!

Get it out of there!

Get it out of there.

Man, Bradley's

really taking this hard.

-Poor guy.

-Mary Sue, what is going on?

W-- with what?

H-- how have you--

Like, the punching, the--

and the fighting? sh**ting?

-Th--

-W-- what do you mean?

Did you k*ll all those people?

Yeah.

How?

-Huh?

-Huh?

-What?

-What?

-Uh? What?

-Huh? What?

What?

Time to call the police?

Uh--

Carrie, why do I feel

like nothing's adding up?

Everything tonight,

how it all unfolded,

the Russia thing.

What about the Russia thing?

It's just...

...I, um, I need to figure out

how much a gallon

of milk is over there.

Bradley would want me to know.

- Oh-- -You got it.

- It's all right.

Yeah. Okay. Okay.

-Oh, my--

-Okay. Oh, I got you.

- Yeah.

- I got you.

Are you-- you jonesing?

- Jonesing?

- Yeah.

You know,

you need a little puff-puff.

It's just, sometimes you need

to take the edge off a little.

You know, so you can...

...open up, talk about...

...our feelings...

...for one another.

Okay. Come on.

Okay, come on.

Well, listen...

if the Steiners couldn't handle it,

- I just don't know what to say.

- I need bigger!

I need your best!

No more bullshit, okay?

-No more bad recommendations.

-Senator, i-- it's not like--

it's not like I'm having

a birthday party

of assassins in my basement

where they're just

hanging around,

waiting to come

to your front door

every 20 minutes.

We were told you were the best.

- I am the best!

- Oh, bullshit!

You got less credibility

than a high school drug dealer

Nigerian prince, or one

of those spam phone callers,

-you know, with the,

with the car warranty guys.

-Yeah, who's the one

that found him, though, huh?

Who's the one that brought him

into our circle of trust?

Well, how was I supposed

to know, Bradley?

Yeah, you didn't know!

You don't know sh*t.

And now I'm 15 points

behind Anita in the polls!

-Listen, we are gonna win

this election, okay?

-How?

-You gotta trust me on this.

-How? Are you gonna k*ll her?

You bet I damn well

will k*ll her

if you just let me.

Oh, that-- Oh, my God!

You're such a failure!

-Failure?

-Yes!

...I'll do it!

-You hurt my feelings.

You hurt my feelings now.

-I feed you, I drive you around.

- ...terrible advisor!

- You don't understand me.

- Gentlemen, gentlemen.

- ...talking about?

- Another f*cking fib!

- Gentlemen!

I didn't think it would

ever come to this again.

But I guess...

...drastic times

call for drastic measures.

He has been retired

for 20 years,

-I don't know, f*ck me.

-Who?

He's not a savage...

like Cable Henry.

And he's not a tight fit,

like... well, like the Steiners.

But he has something

that they'll never have.

And I know he's available.

Okay. Well, who?

It isn't gonna be easy

to get him out of retirement.

It's gonna cost you

a pretty penny.

Oh, well, money is not

an issue, is it?

He's had many nicknames

in his time.

"The Blight of Man,"

"God's Chosen Butcher,"

"Death's Promise,"

"The Genius of Genocide,"

"The Maestro of Malevolence,"

"The Cancer of Creation."

He's not the Grim Reaper.

He's who the Grim Reaper

timidly asks for permission

to do his job.

An impeccable 100% success rate.

He's k*lled w*r generals,

untouchable billionaires,

regents of countries,

and under a dark cloud

of rogue influence,

he created an impact

on this world so deep

and so everlasting

that you'd think he was a god.

His weapon of choice?

A pair of pitch black

battle knives

that have cut the throats

of 10,000 men

across a half century of w*r.

He has a psychic connection

to them now.

- They speak to him.

They call his name...

...and they sing as he slays.

"k*ll, k*ll, k*ll."

And his retirement

was a true pity.

It was only because he was

so pathetically unchallenged.

And alas, this dragon longed

for a worthy enemy

- to finally raise him

from his slumber once more.

- That's

what I'm talking about! Yeah!

- Yeah.

And how do I know so much about

this awful, awful man, you ask?

Because it's me.

What's for dinner?

Huh?

Oh, f*ck!

Please,

don't hit me again.

Okay? Look, I'm hurt.

I mean, I'm hurt.

I just wanna go home.

I want my mother.

Ma! Ma!

Ma! Ma!

Okay, so, how do you,

uh, wanna approach this?

Well, we got him alive,

let's make him talk.

- All right, uh,

who, who sent you?

Uh, you guys,

um, thi-- this just,

just isn't right, you know?

-This guy's a human being too.

-He came with knives.

Yeah, and whoever sent him

definitely sent the other guys.

So, somebody's up to something.

Uh, yeah, you're right!

I don't know who would try

and harm my babies!

Yeah, your f*cking babies.

All right, listen up, douchebag.

Who f*cking sent you, huh?

For real,

this is a f*cking interrogation.

- Spill it! Now! Come on!

- Yeah!

Start talking,

- as*h*le! Give us a name!

- Come on!

Who gave you--

Is it someone we know?

- If you don't start talking,

I start blasting! All right?

- Ten, nine...

- ...whoa!

...eight, seven, six...

...five, four,

three, m*therf*cker!

Okay!

It's a g*dd*mn campaign tactic.

All the assassins

hired by the campaign

to f*cking k*ll you.

They needed you dead.

I can explain.

There's nothing left

to explain, Bradley.

- Y-- you see--

- That b*tch!

-b*tch?

-Yeah, you just

f*cking heard the guy!

It's a campaign tactic?

Hello! Anita Koch,

your Senate opponent?

- Yeah! I mean, yeah!

I know, you're so right!

- That f*cking b*tch!

Yeah. Her! f*cking s-- can--

can-- Senate candidate.

Awful, corrupt, evil b*tch!

-I don't know

if that makes sense.

-Yeah, it makes sense, Janine.

She thinks I'm a liability!

I'm gaining influence.

I got a job.

-f*cking bananas to sell.

-Yeah, you're gonna sell

the sh*t out of those

g*dd*mn bananas, baby girl.

Quarterly banana profits

going through the f*cking roof!

-That's what she's afraid of.

-Yeah. You know

what else she's afraid of?

She's afraid of how much I love

U--SA traditional values,

hard work, and good opportunity

for all Americans.

-I'm gonna call her.

-You're gonna do what?

I got her number when I stole

your phone last month--

I-- I mean, borrowed your phone.

Um...

Oh, hello, wh*re!

Thought you could

pull a fast one, huh?

That's a dirty

f*cking trick, b*tch!

The f*cking assassins, huh?

Does that ring a bell, Anita?

Who the f*ck

do you think it is, huh?

Mary Sue Harper? Heiress

to the Russian banana empire?

Yeah, Bradley's here.

Uh, no, he does not

wanna talk to you, sl*t.

No, no, no,

you f*cking listen to me, okay?

We're coming for you, all right?

So you should, you should be

f*cking scared shitless,

all right?

Because I'm going

to c**t-punt you

into next f*cking Tuesday, okay?

You're f*cking dead!

So choke

on my f*cking bananas, b*tch!

-I'm gonna take this outside.

-Yeah, you do, you do you.

Anita. Anita!

h*-- how are things?

Why did I just get a call

from your stepdaughter

at 1:00 in the morning saying

she was coming to k*ll me?

What? I-- I mean, what?

She said you were with her.

Huh-- No, hold on. I'm, um,

here, uh, at the, uh,

campaign office. Yeah.

Um, boy, I gotta tell you,

you know what I mean?

You really raked me over

the coals with that last poll,

so I have to, uh,

work, um, overtime.

Double time.

I'm here at my campaign office.

Well, is she

at the campaign office too?

Uh, Mary Sue.

Uh...

uh, frankly, I barely know what she's up to.

Threatening to k*ll me!

Uh, yeah--

well, no, I'm, uh,

at my campaign office.

Yeah, you really raked me over

the coals with that last poll.

Bradley,

don't you find this odd?

She's a drug addict, Anita.

She threatens

to k*ll me all the time.

Nothing to worry about.

Well, I'm gonna call the police.

- Oh, well, I mean, I guess

you can if you want...

...but I don't really understand

how it makes any, uh...

...sense.

Uh... the, uh...

Uh, Bradley, is something wrong?

-No.

-The tone of your voice

does not seem--

Yeah, long night. Yeah.

Long night, um, in the coals,

um, raking over

my campaign office, yeah.

Yeah.

Uh, yeah,

Anita, let me just have you--

hold on just for one moment.

Uh, yeah. Just be two

easy breezy minutes here.

Huh. Vladyslav!

- My friend.

- Senator Weiner.

Quick question. Eh--

Why is Kremlin calling Vladyslav

about the assassins at doorstep?

The Kremlin?

You're alive, that's good.

Uh, what about girl?

Uh, uh, who? Um--

-Mary Sue?

-Oh, yes. Girl.

She's very important

to business.

Very important to banana farm.

I believe you know.

Crop yield down,

banana export in trouble.

- You don't want Vladyslav

in trouble, do you?

- No, never.

And you would never betray

Vladyslav's trust, would you?

Um, no need. Um, no, not at all.

Good. Because

I was starting to worry

about my business decisions.

Never.

- N-- no.

- Good. 'Cause that would

hurt my feelings.

Oh! You know, you Americans,

- do you-- you think

that you can govern anything?

- No. Untouchable.

- Us Americans.

I know, i--

But, uh, even

the most powerful man

can be punched.

I mean, I know because I have,

uh, people everywhere.

Look behind you.

I just kid.

All right,

so I will get girl tomorrow.

Well then, go ahead

and keep her.

I'm just kidding, seriously!

Uh, yeah, it's been, uh,

an honor to, um, collude.

What a d*ck.

Okay, Vladys.

Bradley, what--

Ah... what?

Why did you merge me

onto that call?

What? Oh, sh*t!

Uh--

They don't grow bananas

in Russia.

What are you talking about?

That was the single

strangest phone call of my life.

I got to call

my campaign manager.

-The Kremlin. The Kremlin!

The Kremlin.

-What? Who?

They're watching,

they're outside.

- Who?

- Yeah.

Do not f*ck with Vladyslav!

Do you-- do you

understand me, Mary Sue?

And you're actually

going tomorrow.

This time, I'm serious.

What do you mean, you're

serious about it this time?

Why don't you just concentrate

on milk prices, please?

-Organic!

-4.84.

-Skim!

-It's 3.79!

-Chocolate!

-Ch-- uh, um--

- Chocolate!

- Uh-- sh*t!

- All right, listen,

Bradley, there's gotta be

a logical explanation for,

for, you know,

wha-- whatever this is

that's going on, and--

What are you talking

about people outside?

You mean, like, people

who are trying to come in?

Yeah.

-Kremlin.

-Kremlin?

Gremlins?

- I--

I think that's you.

Oh, sh*t. Paige. Y-- Hi, yes.

D-- duh. I'm, I'm sor--

I'm coming right over.

-Oh.

-What the f*ck?

God, I'm so dumb.

I called Paige and told her

to bring a bunch of people over.

You know,

back when the hooker was here.

f*ck. Girl, he wasn't a hooker.

There was never

gonna be a sex party.

I'm so sorry

I didn't text you back.

I just kind of got

caught up with all

the assassination attempts.

Wait, mm, what was all that?

Literally, I told him

I would suck his d*ck,

and then I f*cking shot his a*s.

It was crazy!

God, you had to be there.

So, yeah.

Now we gotta go rain hellfire

on the b*tch

he's running against.

Do you guys wanna come?

It's actually not that hard

to k*ll people, apparently.

And we need a big send off

before I leave, yeah?

You guys down? Cool beans?

How did you not know

that Russia was spying on us?

- How was I supposed to know?

- Wes!

If Mary Sue

doesn't go to Russia,

Vladyslav's gonna bury my a*s.

And if she does go to Russia,

then Anita's gonna bury my a*s.

What did you say?

What did she overhear?

Did you tip her off?

Oh, f*ck! Bradley!

She's gonna send press

to the airport!

It's gonna be in the newspapers.

It's gonna say, "Senator Weiner

took a pay-or-play deal."

It's gonna be

all over the place!

You think 15 points back is bad?

Try 30. Try 40! You're burning

this g*dd*mn election

into the f*cking ground.

Wes, get out!

You k*lled this campaign.

You were in command

of the whole thing.

Oh. Oh, you, you think

you're firing me?

-Is that it?

-Yeah, get the f*ck

out of my house!

We can have a discussion about

your future at a later date.

Uh, uh, Carrie!

-You're making a big mistake.

-Carrie, get in here!

You are. I know things.

I know everything.

I know you, I know secrets.

And I've been loyal!

It's because of me you got here.

Now, listen, I can-- Look.

If you want me to,

I can go ahead and k*ll her.

Carrie, will you see Wes out

immediately, please?

Really?

Watching me.

How long were they watching?

This is a f*cking nightmare.

f*cking hell. How?

-Senator?

-Not now!

Bradley.

You are backbone

of this federation.

You are bear.

You have no fear, no hesitation.

- You have only loyalty

to the Motherland.

- You will be

in peak physical condition.

You will feel no pain.

-Lie.

-I love America.

- There will be

no skill, however deadly,

you will not master.

-Lie!

-I love America!

- Your enemies

will flee with fear...

...or lay to waste

on b*ttlefield

- with only their own

insolence to blame.

Lie!

I love America!

You will assimilate

into American society,

marry, obtain employment,

live double life...

- ...gain access

to people with influence.

- Gather information

of extreme sensitivity,

send back to Moscow.

Your American life is a lie.

- Your friends are your enemies,

your employers, your enslavers.

- Treat them like dogs

on b*ttlefield.

Be pride of your Motherland.

Huh--

You know, I'm starting to think

none of these guys have even

played Fortnite.

Carrie, she's been

with us for ten years.

- Don't make me regret

buying American.

- Uh--

Senior KGB intelligence officer,

Svetlana Belski,

hero of the Russian Federation.

Order of Saint George,

defender of a free Russia.

- You are

like girl, you see,

spinning web of lies too vast

for your own brain

to comprehend.

- It renders you

unable to function. Like girl.

What is difference

between you and her?

A pipe for lie compounded

through an addiction to power.

No. I'm-- I'm not--

I'm not like-- I'm not like her.

You think you are in control

simply because

you can give orders?

It's--

it's-- just that--

Are you gonna k*ll me?

What I see is cry for help.

I see desperation.

I see dog.

Can you--

can you fix this?

- You want girl dead?

- Yeah!

You want Vladyslav off back?

You want campaign victory?

All are still possible.

Do you-- uh,

do you work for Vlad?

We have mutual friends.

But I represent

bigger interests.

I just can't--

- Can you just tell-- tell me what...

- what I can do or say or pledge?

-Loyalty.

-Oh.

Animals like Mary Sue

survive and thrive on chaos.

It is only way they can survive,

and you feed her.

You must strike girl

in only place

where her weakness lies.

Oh!

You want some? Sorry.

Hey, you're my guest!

You go first.

Oh, more for me.

Mom, hi! Knock much?

I actually told her to come up.

Right.

Uh, so, so,

so is Bradley ready to go?

'Cause we're, we're all eager

to go to Anita's house

and f*ck sh*t up, aren't we?

Or we can,

I guess, just chill.

What the f*ck is up

with you guys?

We didn't come here tonight

for the BDSM.

I mean, we did come

for the BDSM,

-but then, after that--

-This needed to happen

before you left home.

So you recruited

my friends into this too?

She didn't recruit anyone.

This conversation

was all of our idea.

Conversation about what?

If I had a problem,

I think I'd know.

Plus, I don't need anything

that I don't already have, okay?

I'm, I'm happy, I'm alive,

I'm taken care of by,

by, by Bradley, okay?

Bradley takes care of me!

Mary Sue, you can't go a day

without that pipe.

You're always late.

You're never motivated.

-It's a stranglehold.

-Okay, I just k*lled,

like, a bunch of people

to save my family, okay?

I'm, I'm better!

All right? I'm stronger!

And one day soon,

it's gonna catch up with you.

I have seen it happen before.

I love you.

- We love you, Mary Sue.

- Yeah!

We love you, Mary Sue.

O-- okay. Whe-- wh-- where,

where's Bradley, all right?

Because if this were

the right thing to do,

Bradley would be here too.

Bradley, he's--

Yeah. Busy with the campaign?

I know, 'cause he's got

a f*cking plan.

-You think he gives

two shits about you?

-He, he's the reason

that I'm going to f*cking

Russia tomorrow, okay?

With, with pride for him!

And, and I'm gonna be

growing f*cking bananas

because Bradley knows--

You just-- what is it you think

that Bradley feels about you?

He's never even told me

he loves me.

His own wife.

I'm a political token, a--

a puppet who screwed up one time

in front of the camera,

and now I have to memorize

milk prices

until the end of time.

I used to be young and free,

just like you.

More free, actually.

But... it's too late for me.

But for you--

Free?

I'm as free

as I need to be, okay?

My real dad, remember him?

'Cause I barely f*cking do.

He was free to do

whatever the f*ck he wanted,

and look what happened to him.

Why would I be

any different, huh?

If he had a Bradley in his life,

he would still be here.

You don't

really think that, do you?

Everything tonight,

the break-ins,

the K*llers.

It's not Anita,

it doesn't add up.

I don't even think

that I can admit out loud

who I think it really was.

Hey, everybody.

I just want you to know,

if I haven't said it yet

today...

...I love you, sugar plum.

See? Bradley takes care of me.

Yeah. Okay, yeah.

Yeah. I-- I did the,

uh, with the, uh--

You have nothing left to do.

You go rest.

Take comfort in victory.

I will bring girl to plane,

I will placate her anxieties,

I will be friend

in dark places...

...and then she will be no more.

How can I rest?

What about the dead bodies

down in the living room?

I am housekeeper.

I will take care.

- Okay, but--

what about Janine, my family?

- The authorities?

- -Housekeeper will take care.

Media?

Housekeeper will take care.

We need

professional photographers

to catch everything on film.

-Right, but it's

gonna be dangerous.

-D-- Bodyguard.

Uh, of course, bodyguards.

And they're gonna be

armed and ready.

Guess who's gonna take you

to the airport?

Gonna see you off

on your big adventure.

- Carrie! I knew

you'd understand.

Look, just keep

that girl away from us, okay?

-She's a psycho.

-She ain't touching nobody.

Janine, give me the milk.

I'll get the bag.

- You can get going.

- Are you sure?

You drive the senator

and his family,

not the housekeeper.

- I'll Uber.

- Okay.

You really see how vodka...

Hello! Oh, nobody prepared me

for senator's stepdaughter

to be so beautiful.

The plane will arrive

in 30 minutes.

We will fuel, and then into sky.

You like c*ck?

We have on board.

What the hell?

-Carrie?

-Yeah.

T-- the ticket.

Ticket?

Th-- the one

that Bradley gave me?

It was for an airline.

No. This is where

he told me to take you.

He said the Russians were

flying you out private.

No. No, no.

It, it was for an airline.

Are you questioning Bradley?

No. I just--

- I, I actually have the ticket in my bag.

- -Careful.

Don't let them see

what's inside.

I packed you something,

but you need to use it

before you get on the plane.

You don't want another scandal

for his campaign, do you?

Russian drug laws and all.

Y--

you put that in my bag?

Just go into the restroom

and check the front pocket.

Consider it

a special parting gift.

Not from your housekeeper,

but from a friend.

Who do you think facilitated

her habits when you were away?

Cleaned up her messes,

kept her dependent?

She will not leave

hanger bathroom alive.

Drug will be laced

with ten times lethal dose

of fentanyl.

Her body will shut down

60 seconds after inhalation.

Oh, Mary Sue, I didn't--

um, I didn't expect

to hear from you.

Why not?

Well...

because, well, I-- well,

I thought you'd be on the plane.

Carrie took me

to the wrong airport,

some weird place

in the middle of the woods.

-Well, did she now?

-I think so.

A-- actually, I don't know.

I'm, I'm confused.

Don't be. Listen to Carrie.

I'm, I'm flying private?

You were always flying private.

Just do as Carrie says.

Then everything

will be over. I promise.

Bradley...

...last night,

Mom told me something,

something about you.

- Hmm. Really?

- That's interesting.

And I wanted to know

if it's true or not.

Here's what's true...

...okay, Mary Sue?

What's true is that I love you.

I love you.

I'll always love you.

I mean, I'm not Bradley.

I'm Dad.

Dad.

Now, enjoy the gift from Carrie.

Wait five minutes,

then clear out bathroom.

Leave bags with me.

- Take body into forest.

- -We have place in mind already.

Drag her out to--

Who the f*ck?

Get him now!

-Oh! Oh, oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

-Come on, come on!

No, no, sh*t, sh*t. No, no.

sh*t. No, no, no-- Hey. Hey.

Oh, no, no. No,

hey, hey, hey, hey, guys.

Hey! Hey, hey, guys,

hey, hey, how are you?

All right. Hiya.

Carrie! Hi!

Wes. What are you doing here?

I-- I w-- I wanted

to just check on Mary Sue,

you know,

with the long flight and all.

Man, you ruined the shot!

You're gonna ruin us all!

- Hold on now. Back up.

- Who are you?

This is private property.

Everyone.

State your business, now!

All right, f*ck it. I'll say it.

I'm here to sh**t the girl.

No, wait a minute.

We're here to sh**t the girl.

-Yet, there will be no sh**ting.

-She's already been shot.

-Really?

-I did not see girl get shot.

-In the cloud.

-Wait, she's

on the plane already?

There is no plane.

Well, then how

is she in the cloud?

-The shot is in the cloud.

-The b*llet?

Wait, wait-- Carrie,

why do you have

a Russian accent

all of a sudden?

It appears,

despite our differences,

we are all here

on similar mission.

The girl, she is to die.

-Die?

-In fact, she is already dead.

Mary Sue Harper is

dead in that bathroom?

I'll believe that when I see it.

Give me my g*n back!

Mary Sue!

Why does he have a g*n?

To sh**t the girl?

Like you said.

No, no, don't sh**t!

You didn't take the drugs?

The drugs took me.

D-- j-- just-- ah--

Did you come to America?

Yes. Eh, Vladyslav was worried.

Y-- ah, yeah.

Uh, yeah. In fact,

uh, the housekeeper just took

Mary Sue to the airport

-about an hour ago.

-No, uh, housekeeper dead.

What? 'Cause--

- Are you

going to k*ll us?

- What? No. Don't be crazy--

Shut up, Bradley! God!

Are you?

Come on, don't be craze,

huh?

No, asset will do that herself.

-Uh, asset?

-Yeah.

-Mary Sue?

-I mean, what did you think

Vladyslav would do

with girl, hmm?

All those months,

hidden on a banana farm.

What, do you think

that she was running the empire?

No!

I create asset, I create weapon,

I create monster.

A drug-addled brain

is a pile of mush, like sponge,

- perfect for shaping

into any form.

Her skills and instincts are now

second nature, but hidden,

ready to answer

Vladyslav's call,

helpless to disobey.

And with the right trigger,

her psychosis was

easy to obtain.

Trigger?

What trigger?

A totem.

Uh, something of vast

emotional significance,

something that she carries

with her wherever she travels.

This is how one

truly gains power.

- Take your subject's

emotional weakness...

...and box them in with it,

a prison of her own mind.

This key, held by Vladyslav.

Ah, Senator, I want

to thank you for the opportunity

that you handed to me

on a silver platter.

And the girl, she gave me

ultimate leverage,

all against you,

against your country,

and against anyone

who tries to defy Vladyslav.

It's just such a shame

to have to do this to you

after years of trust.

But, yes, you have

broken our arrangement.

Girl can fulfill

her final purpose.

Control.

It is all about control.

I mean, okay, yeah, but, like,

- what if I wanna be

in control...

-...of myself for once?

-sh*t.

No, no.

Vladyslav's brainwash

cannot be undone.

-Looks a bit undone.

-No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

As long as she

still values totem,

she will never be free.

Oh, the picture.

Yeah, picture's gone.

You really wanna box me

into my emotional weaknesses?

Try a gigolo in some tight

leather pants next time.

Oh, go!

f*ck that!

Oh!

Mary Sue!

God! Amazing job, I just--

I knew you'd come through

for me again.

Yeah. About that.

- Uh, no, no,

don't sh**t, please!

Uh, Janine, do something,

talk to her! She's yours. Um--

I love you.

I agree with her.

f*ck that!

All this time,

the vice, the real vice?

It wasn't just the drugs,

it wasn't them.

It was you, Bradley.

It was always you.

f*ck off, Mary Sue.

What the f*ck?

You think you're so big

you can supersede

your true superiors?

You stupid little child!

What the f*ck!

You can't outsmart me.

You can't outrun me.

You cannot rule over me!

You are not invincible!

You cannot k*ll God!

What the f*ck! Oh, my God!

Did-- did ya--

What?

O-- oh!

- Why--

What do you think?

- Should we do it?

- I-- just--

-How c--

-If you don't, um...

- No. no.

- ...there's plenty

of others who will.

Other Vladyslavs

around the world

who will gladly discard him

with the trash,

now that he's on his way out.

What now?

I don't know.

Check me in somewhere?

You're still going?

Maybe not all the way

in Russia, but...

...I've had my body and mind

f*cked with for far too long.

A break would be nice.

I'm proud of you,

following through on this,

even though I'm sure

you just wanna

run away screaming.

You keep kicking a*s,

Mary Sue, you got that?

Let me go get the car.

Goodbye, Bradley.

Tragic news today

out of our nation's capital.

At the age of 65,

Senator Bradley Weiner,

the beloved politician who gave

a voice to a generation

and who was, of course,

a longtime friend

of the Clintons,

has committed suicide

via two g*nshots

to the back of his head.

- The president is

preparing a statement

- and is reported to deliver...

- -Hey, honey, did you see this?

I've been inundated. Holy sh*t!

I'm having my manager

prepare a statement

to be released within the hour.

Well, I guess you know

what this means

for the campaign.

Oh, I'm well aware.

I even have

some bigger dirt to boot.

And that g*dd*mn Jeremy?

He's there playing video games,

you know, all day long

again, hibernating in his room.

Trash everywhere.

g*dd*mn room

smells like marijuana.

Oh, I-- can you, uh, go tell him

to come down and spend

some family time?

-Of course.

-Aha! Gotcha.

- Stupid little kid.

- Stop f*cking camping so much.

Oh, I suck?

Ask your mom who really sucks.

-Jeremy.

Dinner will be ready soon.

-Get out of my room! God!

- Hey, house lady.

- You got my stuff?

Yeah.