02x03 - I Am Slamacus

[bunniefuu]

Yaah!

Ace: a mini mastodon.

Now there's something
you don't see every day.

Lexi: yeah, well,
it's not every day

Mastodons escape from
the retro petting zoo.

Ace: and this one's
going right back in.

Loonatics, let's jet.

Whoa!

Lexi: gotcha.

I'll just make a little deposit
back at the zoo.

We better
corral that elephant

Before he mistakes someone
for a peanut.

Technically
it's a genetically created

Miniature mastodon
from the mesozoic era.

Ok, so it's
a hairy, old elephant.

Now let's get him.

Next time, get a hall pass.

You can never be too busy
for love, my cher.

Eww.

Au revoir.

Uhh.

Ace, got a saber-toothed
cat on the loose, too.

Ace: this is turning into
a real retro roundup.

Better head back.

Ok, slam,
you stop ol' tusk-face.

The rest of youse, I need ideas
for corrallin' a cat.

Ace: quick. We gotta
grab that tiger by the tail.

Let's get out of here!

Yeah!

Slam: rahh!

Slam! Slam!
Slam!

Way to go!
Slam! Slam!

Oui, that slam
is zee perfect buckaroo

For my little,
how you say, rodeo.

* Rock 'n' set,
loonatics, let's jet *

* Rev, lexi, and tech

* Slam, and duck

* Rock 'n' set, let's jet

* Ace is cool
and leads the pack *

* Laser sword
strikes 'em back *

* When big, bad bots
smash and attack *

* Lexi's brain-blast
makes 'em crack *

* Quackin' in, quackin' out

* Duck will
make invaders shout *

* Activate, regenerate

* Magnetic power levitates

* Rock 'n' set, let's jet

* Bam, slam

* Tornado zing bling baubles

* Set, let's jet

* Supersonic rev heats 'em up
at the speed of light *

* Set, let's jet

* R-r-rock 'n' set, let's jet

* Whoo! Powers
to protect and serve *

* Tons of ego,
lots of nerve *

* Never question,
never swerve *

* Loonatics unleashed

All of the animals
are gone, guys,

And it's evident
they didn't break out.

They were deliberately released.

Lexi: and I have
a sneaking suspicion

I know just the creep
who did it.

The question is why.

Huh?

Rev: ours is not to reason why.

Ours is but to stop
those genetically recreated

Semi-miniaturized
prehistoric specimens before

They do major damage to the
infrastructure

Of the metropolis.

Ace: exactly.

Duck, you get slam
and catch that cat.

We'll round up
the runaway reptiles.

Yeah, that makes sense.
Send a bird to catch a cat.

Duck: come on, slam.
Time to kick prehistoric butt.

Monsieur slam, I saw you
fight zee mastodon.

It was so...

And how you say?

Whoosh.

And then you guhhhed him
like so.

Allow me to make
zee introduction.

I am pierre lepew.

Ehh.

Ah, you no doubt smell
my cologne, eau du poison.

It's very nice, no?

Eww.

Un moment, mon ami.

I am what you might call
zee promoter of zee fighting.

It is very tragic that you
were never zee champion before,

How you say, zee meteor,

But do I have
a proposition for you.

Duck: yo, slam!
Little help here.

You can be
zee greatest champion

Duck: aah. Oh, slam.

And you will make
so much money.

Ch-ching. Did I just
hear the "m" word?

Sorry, smiley.
Playtime's over.

You will be, how you say,
uh, filthy rich.

He's already filthy, bub.

He looks how you smell. Ha ha.

But seriously, tell me more
about the rich part.

What's it to you, le duck?

I'm his manager.

I'll just take
the standard cut, of course.

We'll split it 90-10.

You don't need more
than 10%, do you?

I-i'm just kidding.

I-i'll give you 20.

If monsieur slam

Becomes zee champion
of zee max arena--

Heh heh--he will have
very, very much money.

Mmm.

Champion.

Mmm.

Money.

Ace: slam, a little
cyclone action might be helpful.

Slam?

Hey, where is slam and duck?

That kitty cat should've
been taken care of by now.

If you will just sign this,

I will make you zee great star
like you should have been.

Ahem. I'll sign that.

And voila. We have zee deal.

And that should do it.

Recess is over, gertie.

I wonder what happened
to slam and duck.

According to my perimeter
coordina-triangulater,

They're within 1.3 kilometers.

I hope they're all right.

And now, mes amis,

We go to zee max arena.

Where is this zeemax arena?

It is everywhere and nowhere,

Constantly moving, zoom zoom.

Then how are we
supposed to get there?

There are only 2 ways
to get into zee max arena--

With a ticket
or with a contract.

Ace: there they are.

Hey, that's the dude I saw
outside the retro zoo.

It appears that he's finished
releasing the animals.

Yeah. Now he's
collecting 'em.

Pierre: this is zee max arena.

By tonight, it will be filled
with cheering fans

Who have paid very much money.

Maybe if I
make enough money,

I can buy
some of your lovely cologne.

Ehh. Blech. Blehh.

Ace: ooh.
Something smells fishy.

Hmm. More like a skunk
if you ask me.

Tech: I'm detecting traces
or gordonium.

That means some sort of
teleportation device was used.

Can you track 'em
to where they were teleported?

Child's play.

Leave the overcomplicated
thinking to me.

Yah! That's it.

Hoo! Harder. Ow. Ow.

Come on, you bum. Ow!
You can do better than that.

My sister hits harder than you.

Hoo! Harder.

Whoa! Oh, no.

Attaboy, champ.

Ehh?

Sorry.

Sorry
you call that fighting?

How you gonna make me rich?

I mean, uh, how are you gonna
win the championship

Playing patty-cake
like that, huh?

You gotta train,
and you gotta train hard.

You gotta train for strength.

That's it. Pump it up.

Come on. Give me more.

You call that a push
harder.

You gotta train for endurance.

Is that all you got?

Come on. Give me more.

You're gonna train for speed.

You can do better than that.

Oww!

Stop! Please! Whah-hah!

Whoa! Whoa! Good job.

Ah hah! Oi!

Next time,
you be the jump-rope.

Is that all the weight
you can stand?

Now press it up.
Go for the burn.

You're gettin' it now, champ.

For respect, for me,
for respect of me and money.

Champ.

Right.
And don't forget the money.

And now,
mesdames et messieurs,

Pierre lepew
presents gladiators

From
everywhere in zee galaxy

To compete for zee honor
of fighting

For zee title
of champion of zee galaxy.

Duck:
that's you, baby--

Zee champion.

Heh heh. Oui, oui.

And now competing,
slam and the trio of terror.

Yeah!

And zee winner is slam.

Next up, the mustached mangler.

Mwah ha ha ha ha ha!

And zee winner is slam.

And now, zee terrible
green globinator.

Ehh. Cleanup on aisle duck.

And zee winner
once again is slam.

Slam, baby! Slam!

Slam: urh?

Ha ha.
Now do we get the money?

Mes, non.
First he will have to win

Zee main event, zee fight
to the finish.

Then he will be champion.

See, buddy? One more,
and you're gonna be the champ.

I don't know. To the finish.

Lexi: that's him
on the security camera.

Ace: freeze-frame.

Tech: I've input his image
into the computer.

Let's hope there's a match.

Lexi: got him.

According to this,
he's pierre lepew,

The head of the ill*gal extreme
ultimate intergalactic

Only-one-fighter-comes-out-
of-it-alive federation.

Not the e-t-u-i-
double o-f-c-double o-i-a-f!

He probably kidnapped slam
and made him fight.

I've heard about
those ill*gal fights.

They take place in this floating
arena that's constantly moving.

It could be anywhere.

The rumors about those fights
are awful.

They fight until--well, until...

The loser kicks the bucket,
buys the farm,

Takes a big dirt nap,
meets his maker,

Cashes in his chips.

You mean if slam
doesn't win...

He's a goner.

And now for zee main event.

Presenting zee combatants
for zee extreme

Ultimate intergalactic
federation championship.

In zee red corner,
from acmetropolis,

Zee challenger,
slam the tasmanian.

And now entering zee ring,

Zee undefeated
federation champion

From zee planet gossamer,
zee mighty gorlop.

Errh?

Ha ha!
You'll squish that squirt.

Uh-uh-uh. Too tiny.

Are you kidding?
Don't you wanna be a champion?

Don't you wanna make history,
make headlines,

Make me rich?

Tell you what. Beat him,
but just don't hurt him, ok?

Ok.

Lexi: I can't believe this, rev.
We've circled the globe.

First you drag us
to colossal canyon,

Then back to junglonia,
now here?

What's up with that?

My g.p.s. Is precisely,
pinpoint perfect,

Right-on-the-money accurate, and
you can take that to the bank.

Ace: so where is
this floatin' arena?

It should be arriving
at these precise coordinates

In exactly 3.4 seconds.

Tech: that was not
precisely 3.4 seconds.

Rev: actually it was


If you adjust
for the time-space shift.

Tech: there are definite
traces of gordonium

In this force field.

Rev: that means
we can teleport inside

By transforming
the gordonium elements

Into transmutable
energy beams, and--

Ace: great.
How long will this take?

It will take
precisely 12.67 seconds.

That'll give us just enough
time for a little presto chango.

Pierre: and now you are in
for zee fight of zee millennium,

Zee ultimate heavyweight
versus zee ultimate lightweight.

Urrh?

Uhh!

Yah?

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Yah! This is not going well.

Uh-oh.

That was definitely,
positively,

Not even
remotely 12.67 seconds.

Rev, you're supposed to be
dressed as a fan, not a yodeler.

Ooh, poor slam
is getting clobbered.

Ohh h*. I can't look.

Psst, hey, duck.

I've no time for pesky fans.

I'm in mourning
for a lost bankroll.

You'll be in mourning
for more than that

If you don't get slam
out of there.

Ace!

You can help me save my money.

Lexi: forget about
the money, duck.

Don't you know this is a fight
to the finish?

Yeah, and slam is
just about finished.

Slam'll cream him
in the rematch.

There isn't going to be
a rematch.

This fight isn't over
until the fat lady sings

Or one of them
becomes worm food,

Gives up the ghost,
buys the farm,

Pushes up the daisies,
steps off the curb, savvy?

All right, all right,
I get it.

What are you dressed for,
yodeling contest?

Ace: we gotta get in there
and stop this.

Ok, loonatics, hit him hard.

Come on, slam.
We're gettin' outta here.

No quit.

You don't understand,
slam.

Only one of you
can leave alive.

No, no, no, my pretty one.
That is not quite true.

Only one of the 6 of you
can leave alive.

Well, we're all
gettin' out of here,

And nothin's gonna stop us.

Well, practically nothing.

Attack!

Stand back. The rev runner
express is comin' through.

Let's see if you can hit
the ultimate moving target.

Here I am. No, over here.

Missed me.

Try again.

Hey!

This time,
let's really get him.

Uh-uh. No.

Hey, what's he up to?

It's brilliant.

Gorlop is some sort
of energy eater.

Wow, slam, that was
an absolutely inspired strategy.

We made him so big
that he hit the force field

And absorbed all its energy
and overloaded.

Makes me feel like yodeling.

Don't.

Oh, slam,
you are a tasmanian genius.

You have,
how you say, ruined me.