01x04 - Girlfriendstein/Pugsley by the Numbers/Beware of Thing

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky,

mysterious as kooky. They're all

together kooky, The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum where people come

to see 'em. They really are a scream,

The Addams Family.

Neat. Sweet

petite. So get a witch's shawl on,

a broomstick you can crawl on. We're

gonna pay a brawl on The Addams

Family.

They're creepy and they're creepy,

mysterious and spooky. They're all

together spooky. The Addams

Family.

And now we return to the Addams Family.

Wow. Tish.

Sundays wouldn't be the same without our

backyard brunches, party meal, family

togetherness, and Uncle

Fester rolling around in the cemetery.

Look at me. I'm playing tombstone

pinball. And just look at our two

little deers playing so

sweetly. I strike at thee, Sir

Pugsley. Oops. Better

watch out, Pugsley.

Wow, looks like your mother's been giving

Wednesday pointers. Hey, how'd you know?

Lucky guess.

Darling, did you notice that the brownies

aren't moving?

And there's nothing in my tea except tea.

It's not like Lurch to be so slipshod.

c*ck wieners.

Not now, old man. Just put him down

anywhere.

Lurch dear, is something wrong?

Sounds fine to me. What was that?

Did the new cow get out of my bedroom?

Oh, my Lurch. Old buddy, old pal, speak

to me. Are you hurt?Any bones broken?

You're going to eat that earthworm?

What's wrong, Lurch?No comment.

Maybe we can look around Lurch's room and

find out what's bugging him. Methinks we

shouldn't be in here. Lurch said we could

watch his TV anytime we wanted, so

let's rummage.

Hey, calm down, Attila. Huh

Thanks, Thing.

It feels like something's in thisshoebox.

It's full of love letters,

love poems.

And love logs.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Sugar is sweet.

Oh, that's beautiful.

I didn't know Lurch had a girlfriend.

Listen to this letter. Dear Lurch.

Oh, no. She left him.

Family. We need to rally together to help

poor, heartbroken Lurch. Capital idea,

Tish. Let's arrange a date for him with

Aunt Ben. But, darling, Aunt Ben

is a man, I think.

So what can we do, Mother?Show Lurch how

much we care with a little Adam's esprit

de corps. Tish, he spoke French.

Speak some more. C'est la guerre, okra.

Anything. Calm yourself, dear.

Family crisis now. Exotic languages

later. You're right,

Tish. How selfish of me. We've got to

put our heads together. I'm

here, and I brought the glue to put our

heads together, too. The situation is

grave, Uncle Fester. Lurch

needs our help. Well,

what do you want me to do?Go downstairs

and build him a new girlfriend?

Fester. Eureka.

I wish, but it's just this 10 lbs of

cheese I'm aging in my coat. Father

wasn't talking about your smell.

We want you to build Lurch a girlfriend.

You mean like that mechanical Elvis

impersonator I made last Thursday?Yeah,

I'll do it. My dear Lurch be

thrilled.

Calm yourself, Lurch. No need to play

hard to get. That's right. Uncle

Fester's on the job.

I'm here.

Hope you like dark hair, Lurch.

Well, Lurch, what'll it be?

Taxi. Let us

help you, friend Lurch. Please.

No thanks. For

me.

BBQ. Relax, Lurch.

We'll have your hair nice and ratty in no

time. Whoops.

Thanks, Bing.

There. That's much better. Thank

you, Mrs. Adams. It's

almost done.

It's ready. It's ready.

What's ready, Uncle Fester?Lurch's

girlfriend?Yeah,

my monkey hair hoagie.

You mean you haven't even started on her

yet, Uncle Fester?Please.

She's been done for hours. She's in the

closet. Yeah.

She's hideous. Uncle Fester.

Great. Good work. How does she

work?It's simple.

Behold the remote control from my

handy-dandy dial-a-brain, allowing

Lurch to pick the personality of his

choice. Now watch.

Whoops! Pardon me. That's my dial-a-burp.

Oh, sorry. Just one of those little

extras I've thrown in, you know. And

let's see, which personality should we

try?HmmHey, Lurch,

are you a jungle kind of guy?

OK, well, skip that one. How about

this?I

have 20. Do you want me 2525?

Look at her. Don't you just want to take

her home?No.

Well, OK.

Hey, I forgot what this button's for. Let

me see.

Oh, yeah, that's my personality.

Let's try this one. Groupie.

So like, where is the big blue half

living slab of man stuff?He's

in there. Oh my gosh, I am

like totally beside myself with

excitement. Aren't

you like Lurch the Butler?It

depends. Don't you like

play the pipe open and sweep?

Oh, I could just die. That's the

spirit. You'd better try another

personality, Uncle Fester. Here's one

he's guaranteed to like.

My name's Mary Lou Sugar.

Pleased to meet ya.

Come on, Gertie. We're picking up his

and hers matching gravestones. We's

getting married. Married.

We'll invite my whole family,

my mother, my father, my third cousin,

twice removed, and my third cousin, who

moved twice just as soon as Vesta

finishes building. I'm working on your

sister right now. And they'll move in

with us and you can wait on your chance

for today when you're not waiting on me,

that is. Hey, where'd you go?

Isn't that sweet, dear?He's playing the

reluctant bachelor. Go for it, old

man. You've got her in the palm of your

hand. Of course, there isn't much that

doesn't fit in the palm of your hand.

Have you seen my lurchy?

Thank you, Thing.

Oh, there you dears! I get everything you

need for our honeymoon.

I don't think he likes her. Well, I

got no choice but to try this one again.

Oh, man, I like that

button.

It's no use. I guess me and Lurchy's

coordinate is over.

I was hoping you'd come back.

You came back.

I wrote to her, Lurch, and told her you

really care. But you just have this

tiny problem expressing yourself.

That's what I call an expression of love.

Thank you, Wednesday.

'Tis but my pleasure, Lurch.

Huh

Why, cousin it, what brings you out our

way?

You saw Fester's robot from a spy

satellite and wanted to ask her out?Go!

Go for it, old bean. Ain't

you the hairiest hot throb I've seen in a

while?Isn't

he the cutest thing?

She's confused. He's it. That's

Thing.

Isn't that sweet?Cousin It wants to

double date with Lurch and his

girlfriend. Ah, just think how

much fun 2 lumbering Hulks, a robot and a

ball of hair can have together. We could

get Fester to babysit and make it a

triple date. Carida, you're a

genius. You two snuggle grubs. Go

ahead. We're having fun,

right, children?Right, Uncle

Fester.

How thoughtful. It wants Lurch to enjoy

his night off, so he'll drive. Cousin It

can't see over the steering wheel. Why,

he might drive off a cliff. Gotta me. Are

you thinking what I am?Yes,

yes, yes

We now return with the Addams Family.

Voila, Thing! My

interpretation of Uncle Gunner's Grand

Canyon vacation. Mother will be so

proud, won't she, Thing?

Ohh Kudos for posing, friend Lurch.

I see you got out of the volcano,

Pugsley. Yeah, it didn't take me long.

Thanks for throwing me in. Anytime.

Do you mind if I paint too, Wednesday?Mom

let me borrow her living paints. Not at

all, my dear brother. Thanks, Thing.

There. Passable.

But I'm surprised the anvil's not falling

on anything. Hey. You're right.

It is now. Very funny, you

walking flatline.

Stay put, Lurch. I'm starting

over.

There. Hey, big guy, what if I showed you

a little town you could stop?

Yeah, I knew he'd like

it.

Hi, sis.

Bye, sis.

Wonderful. Pudsley's

starting to paint me, Thing.

There. You hit more things when you

have a really big ball. Not

again. No one

suffers like the artist.

There, there, Thing. Are we not

compassionate, understanding, and

reasonable individuals?You're

right, we're not. Let's use

Mother's living paints to create our own.

Pugsley and teach Peanut Lobe a lesson.

Behold, Thing, 'tis artistic creation

of Pugsley-esque proportions. But

a better Pugsley, a smarter Pugsley,

my Pugsley.

I have one question. Are you more

intelligent than my brother?

What's this?A



of the many reasons I'm intellectually

superior, complete with bibliography and

footnotes. Bingo. Observe,

dear sister, as I inform the inferior

public that his services will no longer

be needed.

I've created the perfect brother.

Beg pardon, but have you ever been

magnetized and stuck to an iron ore

meteor?But gee, not

lately. Then, oh this.

Hey!

That was a sneaky, underhanded trick you

pulled. Pugsley never had a chance.

You and I are a lot alike. Behold the

scientific genius that you created.

Thing this Pugsley's too smart. Now

we will create the ultimate Adam's male.

He must be strong of stature and violent

of nature, and also devoid of

brains, just like my brother.

Behold, the retro

Pugsley.

He even drools like Pugsley.

Oh, Pugs Lloyd, care for an olive

sundae topped with the liquids that ooze

from Beaneth Uncle Fester's door?

Amazing thing. Retro Pugsley has even

less brainpower than the original

Pugsley. We've

accomplished the impossible.

I now realize the error of my ways

thing. This Pugsley's too

strong. I don't need a

better brother. What I need is a

sister. I've always wanted

female sibling companionship.

You have to bat.

Marie, you give her back.

Make me. No,

make us. Perhaps I was better off with

the original, less annoying Pugsley

thing.

Get me out of here.

You do realize that I could have handled

them myself?Yeah, but it was more

fun this way. You know, Pugsley, I

spent all this time trying to make the

perfect brother, and I guess I found that

I already have one. You're the

best, Wednesday.

We now return with The Addams Family.

I slash we are glad it's our day

off from spying. Let's enjoy

it by stealing from the.

Atoms. All that

money. Soon it will

be all ours.

Now you guard safe. You

do good. Good

night thing.

Oh, good. It's just the hand.

And move. Oh, that's my

spleen. You're squeezing

good. Bye.

Watch this.

Gotcha. Open the safe now

or we'll clip.

Why us?

He's back.

Be gentle.

The ghost is clear.

Hey.

We quit.