01x06 - A Thing Is Born/Choke and Dagger/Fester's Diary

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky,

mysterious as spooky. They're all

together. The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum where people come

to see 'em. They really are a street. The

Addams Family.

Neat. Sweet.

Petite. So get a witch's shawl on,

a broomstick you can crawl on. We're

gonna pay a call on.

family

They're creepy and they're kinky

Mysterious and spooky They're all

together spooky The Addams

Family

Let's make sure that we have the proper

equipment before starting. Cannonball

loaded?Check. Gunpowder?Check.

Pugsley?Check.

Now just light the fuse, Wednesday.

Ixnay, Pugsley. We're not allowed to play

with matches. Oh, thing.

Thing. Pugsley's waiting.

That's strange. He doesn't seem to want

to play. Oh, great. What do we do

now?I'd be more than happy to

send you on a basement run.

Great! Let's go!

Hey, Thing!Since Gomez and Morticia

are away on their 32nd honeymoon, I've

lost my tweezing partner. Want to pluck

a few wild hairs?

Gee, and I would have tried not to scream

so loud this time

too. You stir, I'll smack.

Pugsley, perchance you've noticed that

something's troubling, Thing?Like

what?I'm not sure, but he's been in a

funk ever since mother and father left.

Right. Let's ask him.

Is something wrong, Thing?Ohh

We understand, Mona Mi. Don't we,

Pugsley?Yeah. He wants to sell shoes

for fun and profit. No, oh ye of little

gray matter. Thing's bored. He

wants to travel and see the world, just

like mother and father. Friend Thing

desires a more challenging future.

Did someone mention the future?It's

Thing, Granny. He's bored with his

life. I see. Well, I can help you,

Thing. People from all over the world

call me. and only me to

answer the impossible questions in their

lives.

Granny's psychic hotline. Like,

do men have any redeeming qualities?Well,

how should I know?

Now behold, as my palm

reading abilities unlock the mysteries of

things future. Aha,

I see love in your future. A tall,

dark and handsome stranger with those

fat, fuzzy sideburns that kind of

tickle when it

Granny, that's your hand.

Just warming up. I see

fame, fortune and success in your

future. But according to this line,

you'll have to leave home to achieve it.

Do you realize what this means, Pugsley?

Thing might be leaving us. Huh

But what will you do, Thing?

Thing wants to be a star.

The perils of the city are many, Thing.

Maybe I should go with him. You know,

I've always wanted to roam the sewers of

a large metropolitan area. No, Fester.

I'm Thing's official advisor and agent.

And besides, since he doesn't have a

pocket, he'll need someone to carry his

wallet.

I want you to have this. I'll miss you,

Thing. Here's a little Knick Knack to

remember me by. It's a jar full of

various things that have fallen off my

body over the past few years.

For you, sweet thing. Marie and I

will both miss you.

Goodbye, Thing.

Calm down, Lurch. It could be worse. You

know, I could be leaving.

Look, Thing, there goes your future

public.

You're a model of perfection.

Down, Thing!

I'll take that hand.

Ohh

Do you believe this?You

were the number one hand model until

Thing came along. Because of

him, nobody cares about. Daddy's big

boy anymore. It's

me!

Relax, little man. That thing will never

be the hand that you are.

You'll feel better if you watch some

television, won't you?Good evening. Our

top story tonight is Thing.

Thing. That's right. At

this moment, he's the hottest hand in the

country.

No, that's not him.

Everyone still loves the finger guy. I'll

show you. We

got to stop him. Stop it!

Stop

it! It's just as I predicted, Thing.

You've become a major star.

Oh, look, the cannonball Pugsley gave

you. Fester's jar.

And Marie's head. You

know, Thing, I'm getting homesick.

I miss Wednesday, Pugsley.

But not Vester. What is it then?Do

you want your palm red?

I see family and friends in your future.

Lots of love and happiness and... Oh,

that's my hand again.

Oh, I see you're going to have even

more success.

You've handled yourself well. You can

take it from here. I'm off.

Goodbye, Thing. Good luck.

Oh, Thing. It's Granny. It's good to

see you again, dear. You may not

know us, but we wanted you to meet the

hand that was number one before you

came along. Don't we?

Finger fell out. And we brought you a

present. Now,

Let's see if it fits.

Now, we're really mad, aren't we, my

little knuckler?It's

Zing.

You can get him out of there, can't you?

Tough guard.

We're trapped. Oh, no. What's he done to

Daddy's little guys?Oh, don't worry.

The dadster will make it. Oh, better.

Fang, open

up. Come on, Fang. We love you,

Fang. I want your autograph. Please, your

handwritten are hangnail. Marry me, Fang.

Fang, is it true that it's lonely at the

top?Well, your daring

capture of the weirdo has every studio

after your life story. Tell us

which one will be doing the film.

None. Well then, what will you do next?

Huxley, do you realize that it's been an

entire week since Thing left?

Yeah, and I really miss him

too.

You came back and you brought your twee.

Thou art indeed a welcome sight.

Good to see you, old man.

But Thing, what about the fame?What about

the fortune?

Far for me to spoil the moment, but could

you pluck a few more for old time's sake?

Ouch. Thanks, Thing. I was getting tired

of combing my tongue.

Come on, Wednesday, don't be so stubborn.

Thank you, Thing. It's been a long time

since we went with Cousin It on a spy

mission. Tis true, Pugsley.

Yeah, but it's been many a moon since I

was last the target.

You mean if we go with you, we could fall

into enemy hands and suffer a fate worse

than we ever imagined?Great.

Well, why didn't you say so?Let's go.

Hold it, Wednesday. We have an official

request. From who?From Ebb. He really

wanted a chance to play. If our friend

Ebb wants to play, then play. He shall.

Great. She's all yours, Ebb. Oh, now,

Wednesday, you should see him smile. I

know, brother, but I can feel the

gratitude as his suction cups grip me.

Uncle Fester invented a special spy

jacket for me. Watch.

Does Uncle Fester know his stuff or what?

Since we're going undercover, we may have

to disguise you too, my Marie.

Oui, Cousinette, you can ring

headquarters from the phone in the

hallway. We'll be ready as soon as we

finish feeding Contessa, right, Huxley?

Right.

Your fancy karate moves won't work on

us. This specially formulated,

it-proof hairspray will hold you

in place.

Did you hear that?Yeah, cousin, it's been

captured by enemy spies.

Let's go.

Quick, the back

door. Then move. You stay.

He's right. We stay.

Bye.

Where are we?

HuhBut you're.

We're not. You are.

Goodbye. Thank

you, Thing. I wouldn't want them to hurt

themselves falling.

Oh, great.

Right. Pardon

moi while I borrow these. Uh,

tray perfect.

Gotcha. Oh, please do not

squeeze him too hard. You might muss his

hair. Watch this exclamation

point.

Gotcha.

Bad move.

'Tis moments like these that make me

proud to be an atoms.

Very funny, agent. But your

sense of humor won't help you

now.

Oh no. By us.

Be gentle.

I wonder where our guests don't roam.

Oh, good. They're still here. I'm

here, kids.

And move. See you. Do

you think the piranhas are hungry today,

Lunch?

Calm down, g*ng. Dessert's on the

way. Wow, what a cool crash. Dad'll

love it.

HuhOne step and we shave it.

Huh

What do you mean they can take you if

they leave my coat behind?

Oh, I understand. You're

absolutely right, Cousin Itt. If

those secret documents in

Pugsley's coat were to... Secret

documents?They are?Where?Where

Oh, joy.

Joy.

What?Unbelievable.

Cousin It blings his hair with deadly

accuracy. Yeah, you guys are lucky he

didn't unleash his dandruff.

Thanks, It. I never knew that

having family members captured by spies

could be so personally rewarding.

Another successful mission completed by

Secret Agent Double-O it.

Dear Diary, today I woke up in a bad

mood. Well, that is not my usual hunky

Dory self, you know

I blasted out of the wrong side of the

bed.

Had my usual morning bathing ritual.

Even my usual hearty.

Well, then I took some time to feed my

pet birds.

But even though they were so glad to see

me, I was still a gloomy guts.

Later in the morning, I tried playing

fetch with Pugsley's dinosaur.

Good boy. But I

was still dead. I decided

to take some time and visit a few of my

favorite relatives. Hey, what are

you talking about?You mean Uncle Panker

moved again without telling me?Oh,

darn.

This afternoon, I tried to cheer myself

up. With a brisk workout. Two. Two.

Three. Two. Please.

Four. Two. While working out, I couldn't

even blow myself up.

And all this was followed by my usual

aerosic dance. Whoa! Oh, yeah.

Oh, mama! After all that

exercise, I cooled off with an early

evening swim.

I took my time and I prepared one of my

favorite dinners.

Nap. Still not done.

I spent the rest of the evening playing

with the children.

A little bit to the left. No, no, noBack

to the right. Oh, good. Oh,

you're getting warmer.

You know, dear diary, today wasn't

such a bad day after all. Uh-huhIt

really was a fine addition to the saga

that is my life.

Ohh

And people wonder why I'm such a

happy camper.

Oh.